


Little Wonders

by sekinsey68



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Drama & Romance, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-27
Updated: 2008-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 06:43:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 224,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15455589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sekinsey68/pseuds/sekinsey68
Summary: Josh gets some news from his family’s past that changes his life and has the potential to bring him and Donna together…or tear them apart.





	1. Little Wonders: Chapters 1-5

Title: Little Wonders  
Author: Suzy K  
Rating: PG to NC-17  
Category: Drama/Angst/Romance/AU  
Characters: Josh/Donna  
Follows: “Shutdown” - Season 5  
Spoilers: Everything up through “Shutdown”

Summary: Josh gets some news from his family’s past that changes his life and has the potential to bring him and Donna together…or tear them apart.

Disclaimers: The West Wing and its characters don't belong to me, never will. Aaron Sorkin, Warner Bros, NBC and Co. thought of them first. I just like to play with them and see what happens. I do this out of a love for the show and no infringement is intended. 

Author’s Note: This story takes place around "Abu El Banat" in Season 5. Also in this reality, Sam went to California and ran for the Congress, was defeated, but came back to work in the White House afterward (which, in my opinion, is how it should have been in canon anyway if Rob Lowe had just cooperated).

This is my first stab at a story that is more Josh angst based. As you all know, in the past I’ve been a Donna angst person, so we’ll see how you like this.

Also there may be those that think the plot device in this story is implausible, but I swear something similar happened to the father of a friend of my mine. It’s like that old saying…truth is stranger than fiction.

**********  
“All lives are made in these small hours, these little wonders, these twists and turns of fate.” – Little Wonders by Rob Thomas

Chapter 1

Mid-November – not long after the events in “Shutdown”

"JOSH! If you and Sam don't leave right now you're going to be late for your meeting with McMasters," Donna called from her desk.

"Yes, Tammy Timekeeper, we know," Josh said as he and Sam emerged from Josh's office.

"Just doing my usual thorough job," she said handing him the file he needed for the meeting.

He turned to Sam. "She likes to control me."

"And she does it well," Sam replied.

"I let her think so."

"Hey, Abbott…Costello," Donna put in. "Did you not hear me about you two being late to your meeting?"

"Yes, Gracie, we know, we're going," Josh said as they headed off for the Roosevelt Room and Donna went back to typing the report she'd been working on.

Without taking her eyes off the screen as she continued to type with one hand, Donna answered her ringing phone. "Josh Lyman's office," she said a bit absently.

"Hello Donna, this is Stewart Mason, I was hoping to speak to Josh."

Donna sat back and smiled. "Hello Mr. Mason, I'm sorry but you missed him, he's in a meeting right now."

There was a little pause on the other end of the line. "Oh, I see. Well, it's very important that I speak to him as soon as possible, do you have any idea when he'll be available?"

Mentally going through Josh's schedule, she realized it was pretty tight for the rest of the day, but she knew that Josh would always make time to talk to this caller.

"Well, it will depend on how long a couple of his meetings go today, but I think he'll have some time this afternoon. Can I have him call you back?"

"That will be fine. I'll be in my office all day," Stewart told her. "But please tell him it's very, very important I speak with him today."

Donna's antenna went up as she heard the urgency and what she took as concern in Stewart's voice. "Is everything okay?" 

"I'm sorry, Donna, I know you're only asking because you're looking out for him, but unfortunately I can only talk to Josh about it."

"No, I understand," she said although she was now more concerned than ever. "Can I at least tell him what it's about?"

There was another pause on the line. "I just…tell him I have some news about Noah's estate."

Donna relaxed a little. Obviously, it wasn’t a life and death matter. "All right, I'll be sure to tell him you called and that you'd like to talk to him right away."

"Thank you, Donna, I appreciate it."

Even after they'd hung up, Donna couldn't get the conversation off her mind. Stewart Mason had been one of Noah Lyman oldest friends and colleagues. He was also still a partner at Noah's old law firm and handled all the legal affairs for Noah's estate. 

What could he possibly want now? And why the sudden urgency?

Those thoughts continued to occupy her until Josh finally returned two hours later, with a distinct swagger in his step. "We got McMasters," he said dropping the meeting file back on her desk.

"Josh…" she said starting to tell him about the phone call.

"No, I know…you want to know how I did it," he said still riding on the euphoria of the meeting. 

"But, Josh…" she tried.

"I tell you, Donna, it was a thing of beauty."

"I'm sure, but…"

"Sam and I double teamed him…"

She was getting a little frustrated at that point. "Josh…"

"…although honestly I did most of the work."

"JOSH!" she yelled trying to get through to him.

He frowned in surprise. "What?"

"Stewart Mason called while you were in the meeting."

Josh continued to frown, now in confusion. "Okay, so?"

"He said he needed to talk to you…right away," she told him.

"Huh, that's weird," he said as his frown turned to confusion again. "I just talked to him last month and nothing was going on. Did he say what he wanted?"

"Just that he had some news about your father's estate," she explained. "He wouldn't tell me anything else, but he'll be in his office all day and he's expecting your call."

Josh looked at his watch. "Well, I'll have to call him later, I've got a meeting with Leo in five minutes."

"No, you can call him now," Donna told him. "I called Margaret and pushed your meeting with Leo back a half hour."

"But, Donna, I've got a meeting on the Hill in a half hour!"

"Not any more you don't, I called Congressman Pelley and moved your meeting to tomorrow."

Josh scrubbed a hand over his face. "Okay, could you stop rearranging my schedule without consulting me?!"

"Oh, stop grousing, it was more convenient for the Congressman to meet with you tomorrow anyway."

"But I don’t want to make anything convenient for him! He's a Republican. I want him arranging his schedule around me!"

She gave him a grin. "Well, since you need to call Mr. Mason back today, technically Congressman Pelley IS arranging his schedule around you."

"But…" he began but couldn't think of a good response. "Okay, there was something wrong with everything you just said and I'm going into my office and figure out just what it is. Once I do, some form of punishment will be extracted." Turning he walked toward his office.

"While you're plotting your revenge, call Stewart Mason!" she yelled after him.

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered. "Wait…" he stopped in his doorway and turned. "Why do you care if I call Stewart Mason or not?"

"Because he's a nice man who doesn't deserve to be kept waiting," she said.

"No, that's not it," he challenged. "You want to know what he wants even more than I do."

"Don't be silly," she replied. 

"It's killing you that you don't know what he wanted, isn't it?" he said with a smirk.

Donna focused studiously on the report on her desk. "Of course, not," she said, keeping her voice casual. "What he wants doesn’t matter to me," she lied. 

Anything that concerned Josh or his family concerned her.

"Oh, well, that's good. It will save me from having to tell you what Stewart and I talk about then," he said as he turned and continued into his office.

"You better tell me or I'll hurt you!" he heard her call back.

"Punishment extracted," he mumbled with a grin as he sat down at his desk. As if there was any way he wouldn't tell Donna. He pretty much told her everything. 

Flipping through his Rolodex, he found Stewart Mason's number and dialed it. 

"Debevoise and Plimpton," the efficient receptionist answered on the second ring.

"Stewart Mason, please." 

"Yes, sir," she said. Classical hold music came on as he was transferred to Stewart's office.

"Stewart Mason's office," a voice Josh recognized as Stewart's assistant, Caroline, picked up the line.

"Hi Caroline, this is Joshua Lyman, Stewart called me earlier. I was wondering if he was available?"

"Yes, Mr. Lyman, he said I should put you right through," she said. "One moment, please."

More classical hold music came through the phone, but it didn't last long as Stewart picked up right away. "Josh, thank you for calling me back so quickly."

"Well, you can thank Donna for that," Josh told him with a grin. "She was very…insistent."

"She must keep your life very interesting," Stewart replied with a chuckle.

"You have no idea," Josh replied. "Now what can I do for you?" He heard a big pause from the other end of the phone. "Stewart?"

"Josh, I’m not quite sure how to tell you this…"

Josh frowned deeply. Stewart wasn't one to mince or be at a loss for words. "Stewart? What is it? Donna said your call had something to do with my father's estate. Is there a problem?"

"I'm afraid I mislead her a bit. I didn't know what else to tell her." He paused. "It is something to do with your father, but it's not about his estate."

Josh’s stomach clenched a little as he had his first real feeling of concern. "You're scaring me a little here, Stewart," he said with a nervous little laugh.

"I don’t mean to Josh, like I said, I'm just not quite sure how to tell you what I need to tell you."

"Just say it," Josh told him.

Josh heard the other man let out a breath. "Two days ago, we received a call here at the office. Since it was concerning your father, they transferred it to me."

"All right," Josh said cautiously.

"I waited until today to call you because I wanted to do a bit of investigating to verify some facts first," Stewart told him. "And I'm sure that once you hear what I have to say you'll want to do some investigating on your own."

"Okay, Stewart, I can't do this anymore, you need to tell me what's going on right now," Josh demanded. "What was the call about?"

"It was from a case worker named Karen Somers at the New York ACS."

Josh frowned deeply. "What did someone from the New York Administration for Children's Services want with my dad?"

"Miss Somers was trying to locate blood relatives of a man named Jason Whitehall. He and his wife were killed in a car accident two weeks ago."

The stranglehold on Josh's throat eased. "Oh, is that all?" he said with a half laugh born from relief. "What, did they think that my dad knew some of the relatives?"

There was another huge pause on the other end of the phone.

"Stewart?" Josh prompted.

"No, Josh," he finally replied. "They have reason to believe that your father IS a blood relative."

Now it was Josh's turn to be silent. What the hell was Stewart talking about?

"Josh?" Stewart asked. "Josh, are you still there?"

"Yeah," Josh said slowly. "I don't understand, Stewart. They must have their information wrong. My father didn't have any other relatives, No one but me and my mom, of course."

"I know and that's what I told them, but after what they told me and what I learned in my own research…well, Josh, I think it's very possible that they're right."

"No, no, how could they possibly be right?" Josh demanded. "If my father has or had blood relatives don't you think my mother and I would have known about them?"

"Yes, that's the logical conclusion," Stewart agreed.

"Well, there you go. My mother and I have no knowledge of other relatives. Someone, somewhere must have gotten their information wrong."

"I can see why you'd think that," Stewart agreed. "But like I said, there is some evidence to support what the case worker told me."

The implications made something tighten almost painfully inside Josh, but he continued to stick to his guns.

"Stewart, you know as well as I do that my father was a good, honest man. I can't imagine that there would be any evidence that would make me believe he conveniently forgot to tell me and my mother about other family members he had."

"I know, Josh, it's very hard to believe. I thought the same thing when I got the call."

Josh's mind was going in a couple hundred directions by then. "Wait, is it possible that this is some kind of a scam or something? What if they're just trying to get money from dad's estate? Have you thought of that?"

"Yes, Josh, it was one of the first things I thought of, but this woman really is with the ACS in New York and she's got a flawless record."

Josh decided to humor Stewart and his crazy story until he could look into the matter on his own. "Fine, let's say for a minute that it is true. How are they saying my dad was related to these people? Their second cousin or something?"

"No, Josh, Miss Somers has evidence…" he paused again. "I'm sorry, Josh, but she has evidence that your dad fathered a child by another woman."

"No…" Josh felt like the world tilted and then dropped out from under him completely. "…that's not…possible…" he whispered.

"I'm so sorry, Josh," Stewart repeated. "But it would appear that Jason Whitehall, the man who was killed, was your half-brother."

**********  
Chapter 2

Sitting at her desk, Donna did her best to type the report she had to finish, while keeping an ear out for any storm brewing in Josh's office. So far she hadn't heard anything out of the ordinary.

"Stop saying you're sorry!" she heard Josh suddenly yell from his office. 

Okay, so that was out of the ordinary.

She grimaced as she saw everyone in the bullpen pause and glance toward Josh's office. They quickly went back to work, clearly pretending they hadn't heard anything.

"Hey, Donna, is he free?" Sam asked.

She'd been so absorbed in listening for more heated exchanges coming from Josh's office, she completely missed Sam's quiet arrival from behind and it made her jump.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to sneak up on you," Sam apologized.

"No, I'm sorry," Donna replied. "I guess, I was a little too absorbed in this report," she lied.

"Oh? What report is it?"

Donna completely blanked for a minute and she had to glance at her computer monitor. "Um…uh…it's a report on the impact of migratory waterfowl on urban infrastructure in emerging third world countries."

Sam blinked at her. "Okay, well, as fascinating as that sounds, I think I'll pass." He jerked his thumb over his shoulder. "So is he free?"

"No! I just want you tell me what the hell is going on!!!" Josh yelled.

Donna looked from Josh's open door to Sam. "Yeah, maybe now is not the best time."

"Who's he talking to?" Sam asked with a frown.

"Uh…I'm not exactly sure, he placed the call himself," she hedged. It wasn't a complete lie.

Another explosion came from Josh's office. "I mean, for God sakes, she could be lying, delusional or just…wrong!" 

Donna jumped out of her chair and quickly, but quietly closed Josh's door.

"You know what? I can come back," Sam said tactfully.

"That might be for the best," as she walked back to her desk and sat down. "I'll tell him you came by and want to see him."

Sam nodded and with a slightly concerned glance back at Josh's door, he walked through the bullpen and back to his office in Communications.

After he left, Donna tried to settle down and work on the report again, but her ear kept listening for any more outburst loud enough to penetrate the closed door and her mind was busy jumping to all kinds of conclusions.

The call was obviously something beyond the regular discussion of Noah Lyman's estate. 

What could Stewart Mason possibly want that was so upsetting to Josh? 

Could there be a problem with the estate? Bad investments or missing money? Someone trying to blackmail his family?

Or could it be something closer to his heart? Something about his mother maybe?

Her heart dropped at the last one. Josh wasn't ready to lose her yet. He still needed that last link to his past…to a family that was all but gone.

When she saw the light on her phone indicating Josh was on the line switch off a few minutes later, Donna had to see how he was doing.

Knocking lightly on the door, she got no answer, not even one telling her not to enter. So she quietly opened the door and poked her head in. "Hey, how did it go?" she asked quietly.

Getting no acknowledgement of her existence, much less a response, she slipped inside his office and closed the door. Standing there for a moment, she watched him silently. He sat quiet and unmoving behind his desk and he was staring down at something that he was holding in his hands. It took her a couple seconds to realize it was a small picture frame.

"Josh, is everything okay?" she asked walking cautiously from the door to his desk. "Josh?" she tried again when he didn't answer.

When she said his name the second time, it finally got his attention. Clearly, startled by her presence, he blinked up at her, but didn't say anything. 

Donna instantly saw that something was wrong. The bewilderment in his eyes was plainly visible to her and it set her heart to pounding in fear for whatever had happened to him.

Still not saying anything, his eyes dropped back down to the picture in his hands.

Sensing he needed some kind of support, Donna moved around the desk to stand next to him. When she did, she saw the picture he was holding was one of him and his father.

"What is it, Josh?" she asked quietly as she laid her hand on his shoulder. "What did Mr. Mason want?"

Her touch on his shoulder gave him something to hang onto and glancing up at her, he managed to find his voice. "Uh…he had some news."

His voice sounded steady enough to her, but his less than forthcoming answer told her something was still wrong. "News about what?" she asked, trying not to completely panic. When he didn't answer, it got harder and harder. "Josh? What's wrong? It's not your mom, is it?"

Once again, Josh seemed to shake himself and find his voice. "What?" he asked glancing up at her. "Oh, no, it was nothing to do with my mom." Looking down at the picture again, he gave a little mirthless laugh. "Well, I guess that's not exactly true."

"I don’t understand, Josh."

"That makes two of us," he said. 

Laying the picture down on his desk, Josh looked up at her again. He really didn't want to tell her what he'd learned. The whole situation was still throwing him to say the least and he wasn't quite sure he was even ready to talk about it. And yet, in the back of his mind, he felt talking it through with someone he trusted might help him put it all into perspective. 

Donna was the person that he trusted above everyone else and she was the one that he could and usually did tell anything and everything to.

"Sit down," he said told her quietly.

Moving back around to the front of his desk, she sank down into one of his guest chairs. In contrast, Josh got up out of his chair and started to pace the small confines of his office.

“My father’s old law firm, Debevoise and Plimpton was contacted by a caseworker at the New York ACS...”

“What’s the New York ACS?” Donna asked.

“New York Administration for Child Services.” 

“Oh, okay,” Donna replied with a nod.

“Anyway, they were looking for my dad and since Stewart handles all the affairs for his estate, he took the call.”

“What did they want with your dad?”

“They were looking for blood relatives of two children they have in foster care custody right now.”

When Josh stopped to look out the window, but didn’t say anything, Donna frowned. “What did they want with your dad? He didn’t have any family left besides you and your mom. Was it related to some old case of his?”

Josh had to keep himself from shouting out the answer. “No, not some old case. More like an old flame.”

“What do you mean?"

“Stewart said that this woman from the ACS has evidence that my dad was the kids’ grandfather.”

"But…but that would mean that…" she stammered. "…that the children's mother or father was…"

"It was the father," Josh supplied.

"It would mean he, the father, was your…"

"Half-brother," Josh finished. "Yes, it would mean exactly that."

It was like a small air-sucking bomb had gone off in the room. Donna was literally rendered speechless for a long moment. What did she say to that?

"Oh, God, Josh, are you saying…are THEY saying…" Donna had trouble getting the words out. "…that your father had an affair and fathered another child?"

Josh let out a breath. "Not exactly."

"What do you mean, ‘not exactly?’" she asked.

"He apparently didn't cheat on my mother. The child was older than me," Josh tried to explain as he sat down in his chair again. "In fact from the birth certificate, the authorities said that the child was about 3 years older than my sister Joanie."

"Wait that would make him…" She tried doing the math in her head.

"About forty-eight-years-old," Josh said. "He was born nearly two years before my mom and dad got married."

"But I thought your mom told me that she and your dad only dated for about a year and a half before they got married?"

"They did," he answered.

"So it would mean that he was born before they even met.”

Josh nodded. "Right."

“Where is this woman now?”

“In a nursing home in New York.”

“She must be almost 70 by now,” Donna observed. “Are they sure she’s…you know, not senile or something?”

“Yeah, from what Stewart tells me, although she's in a wheelchair, she's apparently sharp as a tack.” 

"Well, what kind of proof does she have?" Donna demanded.

"None really," he told her. "Just her word, I guess. She apparently knew my dad the summer between him graduating from college and going to law school. The authorities did verify that she and my dad both spent that summer in New York and that the date of her son's birth coordinates with her getting pregnant right at the end of that summer."

"How did she know where to look for your dad?" she asked. "I mean it's not like he was the only Noah Lyman in the world."

"The story goes, her husband was a stock broker and over the years they moved in some of the same social circles that my parents did so she was aware of him and where he worked. She also claims she's seen him mentioned in the newspaper on a number of occasions," Josh paused. "But not his obituary. Apparently, she didn't realize he was dead."

A small silence stretched between them. Donna lifted her hand and started to reach across to take his hand in hers…to give him some small measure of support and comfort over the loss of his father. But she wasn't sure if he wanted or needed comforting right now so she pretended to be reaching for a pen instead. 

"Do you think your father knew about the baby?" Donna asked him gently.

Josh rested his chin in his hand. "I don't know. I mean, I can't see my dad knowing about it…about him and not acknowledging it in some way."

"And Mr. Mason hasn't found anything like that? Nothing that mentions this woman or a child?"

"No. Nothing in his papers, nothing in his will. Just…nothing."

"Well, on the off chance he did know, maybe he told your mom. Did Stewart talk to her yet?"

"No, I asked him to let me talk to her. She's going to be my next call. I'm just not quite sure how I'm going to tell her." He dragged a hand through his hair. "I mean, it's not like my dad cheated on her, but finding out he fathered a child she probably knew nothing about is not going to be easy for her to hear."

"She's a strong woman, Josh," Donna told him. "And if she didn’t know about it, hearing it from you will make it easier for her. In fact, she’ll probably be more worried about how you’re taking the news. When she sees that you've come to grips with it, then…"

"But that's just it, Donna," he said jumping up from his chair. "I don't think I HAVE come to grips with it!" He paced around his desk. 

"Josh…" she tried.

"I just can't get my head around the idea that I have a half-brother! Or HAD one!" he said pacing behind his desk like an agitated lion. "Do you have ANY idea how weird this is for me?!"

Donna knew he wasn’t yelling at her, but at the situation and so she remained silent and just let him rant it out. 

"I've been used to being an only child since Joanie died," Josh told her heatedly. "And now this bomb gets dropped on me out of no where and I find that I've got more family, including an eight-year-old half-nephew and a five-year-old half-niece from a part of my dad's life I knew nothing about!"

"It's an awful lot to take in all at once," she agreed. 

"That's the understatement of the year!" he growled back. "And now I've got to call my mom and tell her all this, when honest to God, I'd rather not talk about it at all!"

The room fell quiet for a moment, the only sound that echoed off the walls was Josh's harsh breathing from being all wound up over the news that had suddenly turned his life inside out.

Donna didn't know if she would make if better or worse but she felt like she had to try to say something. "I can't begin to imagine how terrible this is for you, Josh," she began quietly. "If it were my family this was happening to, I don't know what I'd do."

Josh dropped back down into his chair and laid his head down on the desk for a moment until his breathing finally evened out a little. "I'm sorry, Donna," he said lifting his head to look at her. "I don't mean to yell at you, none of this is your fault."

She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "It's okay, sometimes you just need to vent. And I'm used to you and the yelling," she teased. It must have worked because he gave her a little smile. "Can I ask you something else about this, Josh?" she asked giving him an out if he wanted one.

He leaned back in his chair and let out a breath. "Why not?" he said with a little shrug. "What is it?" 

"Well, you said that the ACS was calling to talk to your dad about the two kids," she began. "What did they want your dad to do about them? Provide some kind of support or something?"

Josh rubbed a hand over the back of his head. "No. They're trying to find relatives who will take them or adopt them or barring that will sign away any custody rights so there won’t be any road blocks to placing them with someone else."

“Do they have any other relatives?”

“Not really. Their mother apparently grew up in the foster care system herself so she doesn’t have any family to speak of. And like I said the woman that…” He let out a sigh. “…their grandmother…is in a nursing home so she can’t take them. The only other relatives were a couple assorted cousins who have already said they didn’t want them and signed away their rights.”

“So your dad…and now you…are the only ones left?" she added quietly.

Josh ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, that's basically the case. They've pretty much reached the bottom of the barrel.”

“What are you going to do?”

Josh spread his hands helplessly. “What can I do, Donna? I can’t take two kids. You, more than anyone, know how my life is. I hardly ever go home. I don’t even have time for a wife much less two kids.”

Something inside Donna shrank in on itself at his words. Even though she'd long ago acknowledged to herself that she had feelings for him, she didn’t see how anything could ever come of them. 

And so she'd carefully locked them away.

But a tiny part of her, the part that held the key to those feelings had always held out a spark of hope for some miracle. Hearing him clearly say that he didn’t have time for a wife struck a little too close to home.

“Right…of course you couldn’t take them,” she said keeping her voice neutral.

“I mean, it’s not like they’re actually MY kids. Heck, I’m still not convinced that this isn’t some stupid mistake and they’re not actually related to me at all,” he said, obviously trying to justify himself a bit.

“The three of you could get a DNA test…” she pointed out. “…I mean just to be sure.”

“Yeah, I considered that. I just…I don’t think it would make a difference at this point.” He let out a breath. “The bottom line is I can’t take them and the best thing I can do for them is to sign the papers and clear the way for them to be adopted by someone who’ll take care of them and give them a good home.”

“How soon do you need to sign the papers?” 

“Stewart was going to instruct them to overnight everything to me, so they should be here tomorrow or the day after.”

Donna tried to be positive. “Well, then you can sign them and the whole issue will be over with.”

Josh stared down at the picture on his desk. “Yeah, I guess it will,” he let out a breath. “Now all I have to do is tell my mother.”

She could see how much he was dreading it. "It's just a thought, but if you're going to sign the papers and be done with the whole thing, do you need to tell her at all?" 

Josh sighed heavily. "Believe me, I've considered that but as much as I'd like to spare my mother from finding out about this, I don’t think I can."

"Why?"

"Because I need to find out if my dad ever told her anything about this woman or the child." He paused for a moment to toy with the picture frame again. "And if she doesn't know anything about it, I can't risk that she'd hear about it from someone else. If she found out I knew about it and didn't tell her…she'd never forgive me.” He shook his head. “No, she deserves to hear it from me."

Part of her was really proud of him for facing what she knew would be a terribly difficult thing. "Okay," she said with a firm nod. “You want me to get her on the phone?”

“No, thanks I’ll do it.”

“Okay, then I’m just going to…” She jerked her thumb toward the door.

“’kay,” Josh said as she got up.

"By the way, Sam stopped by while you were on the phone. He wanted to talk to you about some things."

Josh nodded. "Okay, I'll go see him after I get done with my mom." 

Donna nodded and walked to the door. 

“Oh, Donna…?” he called after her.

At the door, she turned. “Yeah?”

“I’d appreciate it if this stayed between us for right now,” he said. “I’m not ready to…you know, talk about it with everyone.”

“Of course,” she said. “And Josh…if there’s anything I can do to help you with this…if there's anything you need…”

“I know,” he said with a small, but genuine smile. “Thanks, I just may take you up on that.”

With a nod, Donna opened the door and walked out, closing the door behind her. Josh stared at the closed door for a moment and then down at the picture of his father again as numerous questions swam through his head. 

HAD his father known about the baby? If not, how would it have changed things if he had? If he'd still been alive, how would he feel if he found out he'd had a child so long ago? Would he have been excited? Devastated? Sad? Angry? 

And what was this woman like? What kind of relationship had they had? Had he loved her? Had she broken his heart? Had he broken hers?

And most of all what advice would he have given Josh about the kids if he were alive today? Or better yet, what would he have actually done if he'd found himself in Josh's position? 

All good questions, with no easy or quick answers.

Laying the picture down, Josh knew he couldn't put it off any longer and so he picked up the phone.

“Now for the fun part,” he murmured as he dialed his mother's number.

**********  
Chapter 3

“I don't know what to say," Leo said looking across his desk at a slowly pacing Josh with stunned disbelief.

“I take if from your response that you don’t know anything about this woman or the child?” Josh answered back.

Leo thought about it for just a moment and then shook his head slowly. “No, I knew your father after he was married to your mother and I swear that he never said anything about some kind of prior romance or having a child that no one knew about.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah,” Leo replied. “You know your father and I did our share of drinking together, of course he knew when to quit when I didn’t, but on the occasion when he would get a little too sauced, he'd always wax nostalgic and sentimental.” Leo looked at him for a minute. “When he got like that, your mother and you two kids were all he talked about. He never said anything about a lost love or woman who’d scorned him or child that he’d never told anyone about.” 

Josh nodded as he leaned his back against the wall and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Well, I thought I would ask just in case. Plus, I thought you’d want to know.”

“I’m glad you told me,” Leo replied. “Did you tell your mom yet?”

“Yeah, earlier today.”

“That must have gone over like a lead balloon,” Leo guessed. “How’d she take it?”

“She’d never heard anything from dad about it either,” Josh told him. “Not even about a summer romance or dad having a broken heart over some woman he knew when.”

“Okay, that tells me what’d she had to say about it, but how did she TAKE it?” Leo repeated. 

Josh sighed and started pacing again. “About as well as I expected. I could tell she was shocked and maybe even a little hurt, but as Donna predicted she seemed to be more concerned about how I was taking it.” He turned to face Leo. “It’s so weird. I mean I want to be angry at my dad, in fact, I keep finding myself angry at him and then I feel…”

“Guilty?” Leo supplied.

“Yes! I mean, it’s not like he cheated on my mom and I’m beginning to really think he honestly didn’t know anything about this child, but in some weird way it feels like he…betrayed us.” 

Leo nodded thoughtfully. “I think that’s natural. If your father were here I’m sure he’d be feeling a certain amount of his own betrayal over this woman not telling him the truth.”

Josh leaned back against the wall and stared down at his shoes. “Yeah, I suppose he would.” He dug the toe of his shoe into the carpet. “I wish he were still alive,” he said quietly. “Maybe this whole thing would be easier if he were here talk to about it.” He let out a long sigh. “I guess I’m still having a little trouble really taking it all in.”

Leo rose from his chair and came around to the front of the desk. "Hey, Josh, give yourself a break. You only found out about this today. It’s a lot to throw at anyone."

“Yeah, I know.”

Leo watched him for a moment. “You know, things are a little slow right now…if you need to go to New York...”

Josh waved him off as he pushed away from the wall. “Nah. The ACS is gonna send the papers down here in the next couple days. I'll sign them, send them back and it will be done.”

“Just like that?”

“Yeah, just like that. What else can I do, Leo?” he asked Leo. “I can’t take these kids and I KNOW mom doesn’t want to take them.”

“No, I suppose you’re right,” Leo agreed. “I guess…ah, never mind.”

Josh frowned. “What?”

“Well, if it were me, I guess I’d be curious,” Leo told him.

“Curious? Curious how?”

Leo shrugged. “I’d want to see the kids, see what they look like. And I’d probably want to talk to this woman and hear her story about what happened.” 

“Leo, I don’t have time to take a trip down my dad’s memory lane,” Josh said. “Especially when it’s not going to go anywhere. I’m not taking the kids and I honestly don’t think I care to hear what this woman has to say. Obviously, she’s not a very honorable person or she would have told my dad about this a long, long time ago.”

“I know it seems that way, Josh, but people do things for different reasons that aren’t always readily apparent to the rest of us,” Leo argued. “It was a long time ago. Maybe she had her reasons for not telling him.”

Josh felt himself getting a little angry at Leo. He’d hoped Leo would back him up on the get it done and off your plate thing and here he was encouraging him to draw things out. 

”So you’re saying I should go?” he asked in annoyance.

“No, no,” Leo said, trying to calm him down a bit after apparently hitting on a touchy subject. “That’s not what I meant at all. I just said I would be curious about the kids and this woman. If you’re not, there’s nothing wrong with that. I just want to make sure you’ve thought this thing through.” He gave Josh a somewhat paternal smile. “Besides, it’s better for me if you stay here. It may be a little slow right now, but there are always things to do. You know the President likes us to beat the Republicans in Congress about the head every few weeks and they’re about due. You’re the best bat he has in his arsenal.”

Letting the attempt at humor roll off, Josh let out a breath. “I just…I have thought about it, Leo. I swear I have. I’m sure I’ll continue to think about it.” He looked at Leo levelly. “I’m just trying to do what I think is best under the circumstances.”

“Good, then stop trying to justify yourself to me,” Leo said. He laid his hand on Josh’s shoulder. “Josh, I don’t think any less of you for just signing the papers and if your father were here I have a feeling he’d feel the same way.”

“You think?”

Leo nodded. “I know.”

Josh mulled that over for a minute. “Yeah…okay.”

“Good,” Leo said as he dropped his hand and moved back to his desk. “Now, can we please try to get back to doing the business of the American people?”

Josh nodded, and pushing away from the wall, he headed for the door. “I’ll get with Sam and plan out our strategy for beating those Republicans into submission.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” Leo said with a little grin as he put his glasses on and picked up his report. “Now get out of my office.”

**********

Two days later the papers arrived and landed on Donna’s desk.

Wanting to be thorough, not to mention dying of curiosity, Donna opened them and thumbed through them. Everything looked to be in order and was presented in a pretty straightforward manner. All the places Josh had to sign were marked with colored flags. Two of the places also had to be notarized, which was no problem as they had notaries throughout the staff. 

She was a little disappointed to see that there were no pictures of the children, only vaguely clinical descriptions in the paperwork of two minor children, one a sandy-haired boy of eight and a blonde-headed girl of five. Ever since this thing with the kids had come up, she’d been trying to picture what they looked like and had hoped there would be some kind of picture included.

Satisfied that it would be as painless as possible for him to sign everything, she placed them prominently in the middle of Josh’s desk where they would be easy for him to see when he came back from his meeting on the Hill.

But then, the oddest thing happened.

He didn't sign the papers that afternoon…

Or the next…

The following morning, Donna found the papers peeking out from underneath a stack of files on the corner of Josh’s desk. It occurred to her then that Josh had been especially quiet since the papers had arrived and even somewhat reclusive with her, almost as if he'd been avoiding her.

Both were clear signs that he was brooding. ‘Brooding Josh’ always made her worry.

On the off chance that she was making too much of things and he’d merely lost track of them or forgotten about them, she pulled them out and laid them on top of the files he was reading from.

Then she'd helpfully reminded him that he had yet to sign them.

To which he informed her with grunt that he'd been busy and would get around to signing them eventually.

The problem was that when he'd said it, he'd taken the papers off the stack nearest him and laid them just as far away from him as he could reach. 

There was also the fact that not once during the whole exchange did he actually look at her.

All of which made Donna instantly suspicious that something really was going on in his head, presumably about the papers.

But hoping he’d work it out on his own, she let the rest of that day pass.

And the next…

But when the fifth day rolled around and Josh still hadn't done anything about the papers and he was still brooding, she knew it was time to step in. In her experience, if Josh didn’t come to some kind of conclusion about whatever was bothering him by day three or four of brooding about it, he probably wasn’t going to. 

At least not without help…and that’s where she came in.

By the early afternoon, she’d come up with a game plan and she entered his office armed and ready to do battle with him. 

Walking into his office, she found him buried in a briefing binder. Quietly, she closed the door behind her and stood directly across from him at the front of the desk.

“What could you possibly want?” Josh muttered, not looking up from what she suspected he was only pretending to read.

“I’d like to talk to you,” she said firmly.

“About what?” he said, again not looking up.

“About signing the papers.”

"What papers?" he mumbled.

"THE papers, Josh," she said, resisting the urge to smack him in the head. "The papers from the ACS that have been languishing on your desk."

Josh dropped the binder on the desk and leaned back in his chair with a frustrated little sigh. “Are we going to do this again? I told you I would…” his voice trailed off as he saw what she was holding in her hand.

“Yes, you told me you would sign them, but it’s been five days, Josh.”

Rather than answering, he continued to stare at her, almost transfixed. “What’s that?” He finally asked looking at her as if she were holding a ticking bomb.

Slowly, carefully, she set it down on the desk in front of him. “Something to show you I’m serious.”

“Okay, I think we’ve gone past serious and into your freaking me out because that looks like a cup of hot coffee."

"I can see I can't get anything by you today, Josh."

He frowned. "What the hell, Donna? As far as I know haven't done anything to make Leo pissed at me this week, much less make him want to fire me. What the hell did I do to merit you getting me coffee?"

"You've been brooding."

"You brought me coffee because you think I've been brooding?"

"No, I brought you coffee because you HAVE been brooding. I know when you're brooding and you've been brooding."

"No, I haven't," he insisted.

"Yes, you have, Josh," she insisted right back. "If you looked up 'brooding' in the dictionary it would say, 'See, Josh Lyman.'"

Josh gave a little snort. "Don’t be ridiculous. I've just been busy."

Donna dropped down in one of his visitors chairs. "Josh, why don't you want to sign the papers?" she asked quietly.

'And there it was,' he thought. The $64,000 question.

"I do want to sign the papers…" he told her. "Like I said, I've just been busy."

"Josh…" she began, "…this is me you're talking to. Even if I didn't know YOU, I’d know your schedule. You haven't been too busy in the last five days to spend the ten minutes it would take to sign the papers."

Slumping forward a bit, Josh stared down at the coffee mug as if the answers were in the rising ribbons of steam.

"I can't believe you brought me coffee," he murmured.

He had the sudden and desperate urge to lay his head down on the desk. But he was a little afraid that if he did, he'd start banging his head on it.

"Josh…what is it? What's bothering you?" Donna asked gently.

"Nothing," he lied, even though he knew she could see right through him.

"Josh…" Donna chided.

"I don't know!" he finally admitted in a rush. Jumping out of his chair, he turned toward the window and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I wish I did."

Donna was at a loss as to what to say, but she knew sometimes the best way to get Josh to talk was to give him the verbal space to fill, so she remained quiet.

He continued to stare out the window, his expression far away. "I've tried to sign the papers a bunch of times, but…"

When he didn't continue, she couldn't help but prompt him this time. "But..?" 

He turned back to face her, but remained at the window. "Every time I think about it…every time I pick them up to try signing them…I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach."

Early afternoon light poured in through the window, silhouetting him and obscuring his face so he was harder for her to read.

"What kind of feeling?" she asked.

"Like I’m doing the wrong thing. Like I should be doing something more."

"What more can you do, Josh? You said yourself you don't have room in your life for two kids," she pointed out. "Kids that are virtual strangers to you, even if they turn out to be your blood relatives."

"I know, I know," he said in frustration as he walked back to his desk. "I guess I don't just want to sign these kids away like I'm transferring the title on a used car."

"But that's not what you're doing."

He toyed with a file on his desk. "Well, that's what it feels like." 

Donna watched him for a moment. "Josh, I know this is not an easy thing for you," she said quietly. "You’re not the kind of person to take responsibility lightly."

Josh nodded but didn't comment about what she'd said. "I keep thinking about something Leo said to me a couple days ago."

"Oh?" Donna said. "What did he say?"

"He said if he were in my place he'd be curious about the kids, what they looked like… you know, that kind of thing." He paused. "And he'd want to know more about this woman and hear her side of the story."

Part of Donna wanted to hug Leo for putting that idea in Josh's head and part of her wanted to slug him. "Is that what you want to do? Do you want to go to New York and see the kids and meet this woman?"

He spread his hands helplessly. "I can't, Donna, I've got too much to do to take a flyer to New York just to satisfy my own curiosity."

"Josh…do you WANT to go to New York?" she repeated.

"Okay, yes!" he said dragging a hand through his hair. "I want to go to New York! I want to talk to this woman and find out what the hell her story is. And before I just pass off these kids who everyone, including me, has deemed to be too inconvenient to be bothered with, I want to at least see what they look like!"

Donna saw the depth of just how much this had been on his mind and it both touched and concerned her. It was clear that he needed some closure on this and she knew if he didn't get it, it would be something that would gnaw at him for the rest of his life. 

"Then you should go," she said with quiet support. 

He collapsed into his chair. "Donna, I can't," he said regretfully. "Just because I want to doesn't mean I can."

Of course, part of him wished that weren't true. If he could do anything just because he wanted to, a number of things would be different in his life, including, he suspected, his relationship to the woman sitting across from him.

"Yes, you can, Josh," she argued. "I know Leo would let you go if you asked." 

"I know he would…hell, he even suggested it when I was in his office," Josh told her. 

Donna frowned. "Then what's the problem?"

"The problem is I'm still gaining ground with Leo and the President after the thing with Carrick!" he told her heatedly. "Not to mention I've got Angela fucking Blake lurking around here just waiting for any excuse to completely take over my job!"

"Josh…" she chided. "You have nothing to prove. You're the only one who seems to think you do." 

"How can you say that?" he demanded. "After the screw up that no one can seem to forget…"

"People are forgetting, Josh," she insisted. "Even if we didn't count what you did to help get the President and Haffley talking about the budget again, you've worked harder than any five people to make up for what happened and people have moved on." She stared at him, her eyes blue and deep and with an almost intense…intimacy. "Josh, you have to stop letting Chris Carrick take a piece out of you. He's not worth it."

Josh blinked at her and felt something ease inside him as she continued.

"As for Angela, you have to stop thinking that she's lurking in the shadows with a knife in her hand waiting to stab you in the back. I can see why you consider her a threat but she's a short timer. She's good at politics, but in all the time I spent with her during the budget negotiations, I never saw the drive…the hunger in her that it takes. She has the brains for it, but not the passion." She continued to stare at him intently. "You're all about the passion, Josh."

Rather than commenting on her last words that could be taken on so many levels, he gave her a tiny, self-deprecating smile. "What about the brains?"

"For the brains, you've got me," she deadpanned, although now there was a little twinkle in her eye.

Lacking the joking tone he would have normally used, his next words were out before he could think better of it. "And for that I'm eternally grateful."

The air between them suddenly seemed a little two thick…a little too warm. 

Somewhere in Donna's mind's eye, she saw herself crawling or leaping over his desk to show him he wasn't the only one with passion, but she remained rooted to her chair.

"You have to get up off the mat, Josh," she said instead, breaking up the heated silence. "And if that means following this thing with these kids and this woman to its logical conclusion, then you should do it."

Josh stared at her. He'd been arguing with himself over this for the last five days. Everything she'd said struck a chord in him and seemed to reinforce what had been nagging at him. He had to see this through…needed to know all there was to know about what had happened with his father so long ago. If it had some kind of political or professional ramification for him, then so be it. That was his job…his career, one that brought him both joy and agony. But this, ultimately, was his life and he had know the truth.

After that he would sign the papers with a clear conscience.

"Okay," he said with a very long sigh. "Make the arrangements."

**********  
Chapter 4

There had never been any question as to whether or not Donna would go with him on the trip. Which suited her just fine, because honestly, she wouldn’t think of letting him go through the experience alone.

There was only thing that bothered her about going along with him on the trip the next day. And it was the fact that Josh was usually, in Donna's learned opinion, not a good flyer. It wasn't that he was scared to fly or hated to fly on principle. In fact, if asked he'd say he liked flying. 

The problem was that he generally couldn't sit still for any length of time. So the longer the flight was, the crazier he tended to make her. Of course, when they flew on Air Force One it wasn't so bad because he could pace and walk around and was usually engaged in some meeting or another with Toby, CJ, Sam or the President. 

But on the occasions when they happened to fly commercial, she always expected the worst and knew there was a high probability that he would act like a four-year-old with attention deficit disorder at least once during the flight. The only thing she thought she might have working in her favor was the fact that the flight from DC to New York was only about an hour and ten minutes.

Much to her surprise though, Josh had been calm and largely quiet during the flight. He wasn’t exactly brooding any more, this time he seemed to be…introspective. Mostly, he chose to stare out the window, seemingly lost in thought. 

In a way, it was a little unnerving to see him so quiet.

"Hey," she prodded him gently. "How you doing?"

Keeping his body turned toward the window, he looked back at her and gave her a small smile. "I'm fine…just thinking."

Donna knew she was probably crossing one of their many invisible boundaries, but she wanted to make sure Josh was doing all right. "Oh? Anything you want to share?"

Josh stared at her for a long moment. "No…thanks," he answered before turning back to the window.

She knew better than to push it, so she went back to reading her magazine. But as it turned out, she didn't get to read very far.

"Do you think it's weird that I worry about disappointing my dad?" he asked quietly.

Donna looked at him and saw he was still facing the window. She opened her mouth to speak, but didn't have the chance before he interrupted her.

"I mean, he's been dead seven years and I'm still worried about disappointing him," he mumbled, still without looking away from the window.

Donna closed her magazine. Needing to feel some kind of connection to him, she reached out to lay her hand on his shoulder. But just like the other day in his office, she was worried it was not what he wanted or needed so she pulled it back before her fingers could even graze him. 

“I doubt that's anything you ever outgrow, Josh,” she answered gently.

“I guess,” he said.

There was another long pause between them and Donna could almost feel something trying to work its way free in him. 

“I wish he were here now,” he finally said.

Donna could see now just how many issues regarding his father this had stirred up for Josh. Letting out a small sigh, she tried to think of something to say that would make it better or easier for him, but nothing magically appeared in her mind. She considered saying something like ‘he’s always with you,’ but it sounded trite even in her head, so she went with the logical rather than the metaphysical.

“You know, Josh, I didn’t know your father very long, but I think if he were here today, he’d say that you were doing the right thing,” she told him. “And for that he’d have to be proud, not disappointed.”

Josh did look at her then. “You really think so?”

She wasn’t used to such obvious self-doubt from Josh and she felt a little like she was stumbling around in the dark looking for something to say. “I do.”

Blankly, he stared at a point somewhere over her shoulder. “I just wouldn’t want him…or anyone for that matter, to think I’m throwing this thing away or taking it too lightly.”

“Josh, you’ve agonized over this for a week and now we’re on our way to New York,” she pointed out. “That doesn’t sound like taking it lightly to me.”

His eyes focused in on her and suddenly his expression made her feel like he wasn’t just staring at her, but INTO her. Donna's heart began beating just a little faster…a little harder as Josh opened his mouth to speak.

Unfortunately, the flight attendant chose that moment to come over the loud speaker. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we have begun our final decent into New York for our landing at Kennedy International Airport. At this time…"

But Donna wasn't listening as she finished her spiel. She was still watching Josh, almost holding her breath as she waited for him to finish his thought. But half a beat after the flight attendant had spoken, Donna saw a shutter go down in his eyes and a moment later, he turned back to the window.

'Okay, Donna, start breathing again,' she told herself. 

It wasn't the first time he'd given her that enigmatic look and it definitely wasn't the first time she hadn't been able to breathe when he’d done it. She doubted it would be the last time either one happened.

They didn't speak again until after they had landed and were collecting their things. 

"So why did you bring that along again?" he asked her as she pulled the small overnight bag containing some bare essentials for both of them out of the overhead bin.

"Because I've traveled with you enough to know it always pays to be prepared," she replied with a little smirk hoping to lighten the mood a bit.

"But we're going back to DC tonight," he pointed out as helped her on with her coat while they waited for the passengers ahead of them to start moving.

"Yes, and once upon a time we were only supposed to be in Indiana for a couple hours and we both know how that turned out," she replied settling her purse on her shoulder.

"And whose fault was that, Miss Ooops-I-forgot-about-the-time-zones?" he said as he picked up his backpack and they started up the aisle.

"I believe it would be yours," she snarked, glad to see the banter flowing easily between them now.

"How the hell do you figure that?" he shot back as they exited the plane and started up the jet way.

Donna wasn’t surprised to feel his hand move to her back just above her waist as they walked. Even though they had many boundaries, his hand on that spot had never been one of them. In all honesty, she found it comforting to feel his hand there.

"It's quite easy,” she replied cheerfully. “If you hadn't been trying to be Mr. Smooth-and-Charming with the soy-diesel girl, I wouldn't have had to come and get you and we wouldn't have missed the motorcade."

"You say that like charming potential voters is a bad thing."

"It obviously is a bad thing if you're trying not to miss the motorcade," she said as they walked into the terminal.

“Hey, being charming to her was only a side benefit, the real reason I was really there was to keep Toby from having an aneurism while the President gave his speech.”

“Well, you know what that means don’t you?” she said with a little sideways grin.

He blinked at her as the answer came to him. “It’s really all Toby’s fault.”

She broke into a full smile. “I'm glad we finally see eye to eye.”

They made their way to baggage claim and even though they were traveling light and didn't actually have any baggage to pick-up, they were meeting their driver there.

"I'm still not clear on why we had to get a car and driver," Josh said after they were settled in a Lincoln Town Car and were being driven to their first stop. "Why aren't we just renting a car or taking cabs while we're here?"

"Because you wisely let me make the travel arrangements and I'm not crazy about driving in New York and I'm even less crazy about getting in a car with you behind the wheel…"

"Hey! I'm a good driver!"

"Josh, when was the last time you actually drove a car in the last year?"

He thought about it for a minute and damn if he couldn't remember when he'd driven in that time.

"That's what I thought," she replied. "When we go somewhere together in a car you always make me drive and you know you hate driving in DC. Usually you walk to work or take a cab or you’re riding in a Presidential motorcade."

"So? Driving's like riding a bike, you never forget how," he defended.

"Yes, and as I recall, the last time you or anyone in the senior staff rode anything beside the stationary bike at the gym was the time the President rode Leo's rather expensive bike into a tree."

"Okay, so bike riding might have been a bad analogy," he muttered. "But what about cabs? They're a perfectly acceptable form of transportation that don't involve either of us being behind the wheel."

"With all the moving around we're doing today, we'd have to go from cab to cab and that would just be a waste of time and money. I did the math and hiring this Town Car for the day was actually cheaper than taking cabs."

He knew he should have a good rebuttal for her argument, if for no other reason than to keep arguing with her, which he always enjoyed, but he was at a loss.

"Fine," he grumbled. "Are we almost there?"

Donna looked down at her watch. "Well, what do you know, CJ won the pool."

Josh frowned. "What pool?"

"The pool concerning how long it would take for you to start acting like a cranky four- year-old," she replied. "CJ picked two hours."

Josh was working his way up to being outraged. "There was actually a pool?"

"No," she said breaking into a little grin. "I'm just teasing, but there was a discussion and CJ did pick two hours. Although actually, we all felt like she was the long shot." 

His outrage fizzled out in the face of curiosity. "What did everyone else guess?"

"Let's see…Sam picked an hour and Toby…well, at first Toby said it wasn't a valid discussion because you act like a cranky four-year-old on a daily basis, but then he changed his answer to thirty minutes."

"Anyone else?" he asked in annoyance.

"Ed and Larry picked an hour and a half…"

"What about you?" 

She frowned at him. "What about me, what?"

"What time did you pick?"

"Actually I didn't pick. I recused myself," she replied. "I figured I'd have an unfair advantage because I travel with you all the time and I know there's the possibility that you could act like a four-year-old at any moment."

He knew she was teasing him, but her remark stung a little more than he'd ever admit. "Remind me why I brought you on this excursion?"

"Because of my sparkling personality?" 

"Oh, and here I was thinking you just wanted a free trip to New York," he said trying to tease her back.

"Well, Josh I am a girl on a budget and a free trip is a free trip," she replied.

Any more banter between them came to a halt as the car rolled to a stop in front of the address Donna had given the driver. The two of them got out of the car and studied the building.

The nursing home was a well-kept three storey building, that looked like it might have been a small hospital at one time. There were solid planters full of winter shrubbery flanking the front of the building and with its cement wheelchair ramps, it was clearly handicapped accessible.

Climbing the short flight of stairs at the center of the building, they entered the sunny, tastefully decorated lobby and walked to the wide reception desk. After they got Gloria Whitehall's room number, she and Josh took the elevators to the third floor.

"Donna, promise me something," Josh said as they rode up in the otherwise empty elevator.

"What?"

"Don't ever let them put me in a place like this."

Part of her wanted to tell him that this was probably one of the nicest nursing homes she'd ever been in, but she didn't think that's what he wanted to hear. The rest of her warmed at the fact that he'd just implied that she'd still be in his life when he got old enough for a place like this. 

Crossing one of their many barriers, she moved her hand and closed it around his. "Don't worry, Josh, I won't," she told him as she gave it a quick squeeze and then dropped it again.

They were both a little worried that Mrs. Whitehall wouldn't see them if she heard Josh's name, so Donna had been the one to call and make arrangements to speak to her. The reason she gave Mrs. Whitehall for their meeting was that she wanted to talk about her grandchildren, which actually wasn't a lie. 

Stopping in front of an open door with Josh directly behind her, Donna looked inside. Although the simply, but tastefully decorated room had two beds, the only current occupant was a woman who was sitting in a wheelchair by the window. Lifting her hand, Donna knocked on the door.

The woman turned her wheelchair around to greet her visitors. "Hello," she said pleasantly.

"Hello, I'm Donna Moss," she said as she walked slowly into the room.

"Yes, it's good to meet you," the woman greeted her with an outstretched hand. "I'm Gloria Whitehall."

Rather than following Donna into the room, Josh slipped partway behind one of two privacy curtains that hung from the ceiling. He wanted to watch the woman for a moment before he approached her.

His first thought was that she wasn't the monster or Cruella Deville that he'd imagined. She simply looked like a typical little old lady. In fact, she looked rather…small and frail to him and yet, as she spoke to Donna, he had to admit that she held herself with a certain quiet grace. 

Not unlike Donna herself.

Dressed in a warm, thick robe, her petite body almost seemed to swim in the wheelchair she was sitting in. Her snowy white hair was pulled into a neat bun at the nape of her neck and was a nice compliment to what he thought were hazel eyes.

And even from where he was standing he could see that there was a certain sadness in those eyes. Presumably residual grief from her son's recent death.

Josh was surprised to find that it was a lot harder to hate her now that he was looking at her and seeing those sad eyes.

He also realized that she was speaking to him…or more accurately ABOUT him.

“Did you bring someone else with you?” she asked Donna. “I know my eyes are not the best, but is someone else standing by the curtain?”

“Sorry, ma’am,” Josh said slowly coming forward. “I was just trying to…stay out of the way.”

“Mrs. Whitehall…” Donna began. “This is Josh, Josh L…”

“Lyman,” Gloria finished, looking a little like she’d just seen a ghost. Which, in a way, she had.

"I'm sorry we didn't tell you ahead of time," Donna said. "We were worried you wouldn't meet with us if you knew."

Mrs. Whitehall continued to stare at Josh. “I should have known you’d be coming to see me.”

“How did you know who I was?” Josh asked her with a frown.

She answered without hesitation. “You have your father’s eyes,” she said simply. “Just like my son, Jason, did.”

Josh felt her words punch him lightly in the gut. Part of him had held out hope that the whole story about this woman having a child by his father was still some terrible case of mistaken identity. To hear her say her son had Josh’s own father’s eyes pretty much put things to rest.

“This must have all been a terrible shock to you,” she said next.

Trying to look casual, Josh cocked his head at her. "What makes you think my father didn't tell me about you and your son a long time ago?"

She smiled in a pleasant, but knowing way. "Because I was the only one who knew the truth. I never told anyone, including your father, so he could never have told you."

Something inside Josh relaxed to hear her confirm the fact that his father hadn't known about the baby.

"Why didn't you ever tell anyone?" Donna asked before Josh could.

Almost as if she remembered Donna was still in the room, Mrs. Whitehall turned back to her and regarded her for a long moment. "Are you his wife?"

Donna found herself surprised by the question. "No."

"Girlfriend?" she persisted.

"No," Donna said, a little embarrassed. "No, I'm just his…"

Josh cut her off before she could finish. "She's my friend...my best friend." 

Donna was pretty sure her heart skipped a beat. 

Mrs. Whitehall looked between them before settling on Josh, her expression a little dubious, but she didn't make any further comment on the subject of him and Donna. Instead, she folded her small hands primly in her lap. 

“So I suppose you’ve come to question me about what happened with your father.”

Josh nodded. "Yes, that's exactly why we're here," he said unable to keep a slight clip out of his voice.

She looked older for a moment…more tired. "Oh, how you must hate me," she said quietly.

Her words pulled at his sympathy. But he didn't want to be sympathetic and like a rubber band, his mood shifted to anger. 

Josh narrowed his eyes at her. "Ma'am, before last week I'd never even heard of you. And while there were moments in this week when I wanted to hate you, I'd like to hear what you have to say before I make up my mind."

Donna wanted to gently admonish him for being so abrupt, but she knew he had every reason to be angry so she remained quiet.

Mrs. Whitehall seemed to understand it too, because a note of sympathy had entered her eyes as she looked at him. 

"Sit down," she told both of them quietly, indicating two visitor chairs that were sitting next to the beds. "Sit down and I'll tell you everything you want to know."

**********  
Chapter 5

Donna pulled up one of the chairs, but Josh, knowing his own propensity to pace, especially when faced with something difficult, opted to stand.

"Before I go any farther, I want you to know that originally, I had planned to take this secret to my grave," Mrs. Whitehall began. "The only reason I said something to the police and the ACS was out of concern for my grandchildren."

"So if not for them you would have continued living a lie?" Josh said angrily.

Her eyes begged him to understand. "All I meant was that I wasn't seeking to make your or any one else's lives difficult."

He dragged a hand through his hair. "Yeah, well, the ship has pretty much sailed on that one."

That hint of deep sadness filled her eyes again. "Do you have any children, Mr. Lyman?"

"No…" Josh said cautiously.

"It's a terrible thing to outlive your child, Mr. Lyman," she said quietly.

Again, his sympathy translated into anger. "What the hell does that have to do with anything?" Josh said.

"When Jason…my son, died I was robbed of so many things, the greatest of which was simply getting to see him be the wonderful husband and father he was," she explained. "If he had outlived me and lived a normal life, then there would have been no reason to tell anyone," she explained. "He would have been able to take care of his children and you never would have been burdened with the secret I kept for so long."

He let out an incredulous laugh. "Robbed? You're talking about being robbed?"

"Josh, keep your voice down," Donna admonished gently as she got up and closed the door.

He waited until she'd pulled the door closed and then continued in a quieter, but no less angry voice. "What about all of us being robbed by you? My father was robbed of knowing he had a son, I was robbed of knowing I had a half brother and your own son was robbed of knowing his real father."

"He did know his real father," she managed to reply with a surprising snap in her voice. "My husband Gordon was a wonderful father and Jason never wanted for anything. They even looked alike."

"The point is, don't you think that I…that MY FATHER deserved to know the truth?" Josh shot back. "Hell, for that matter, didn't your SON deserve to know it?"

"Why?" she said. "It would have only hurt everyone involved."

"What? And you think that no one was hurt by you keeping secrets?" Josh shot back.

"Okay, this really isn't getting us anywhere," Donna said breaking in to try and calm things down. "Josh, bring that chair over here and sit down," she said in a voice that brooked no argument. "Now, why don't you start from the beginning, Mrs. Whitehall, and tell us what happened between you and Mr. Lyman."

The old woman watched Josh snatch up the chair and drop it down next to Donna. She waited for him to sit before she started.

"I met Noah Lyman when I was 20-years-old," she began. "We were both spending the summer in Martha's Vineyard. It was the summer between my sophomore and junior year in college and I had just broken up with my long term boyfriend because I wanted to get married and he wasn't ready. I thought a change of scenery would do me good so I went there with some of my friends. As I recall, he was there with his family vacationing over the summer before he started law school." 

"He would have been twenty-one or twenty-two at that point," Josh put in.

Mrs. Whitehall nodded. "I was working part-time at one of the local restaurants to make a little extra money and the first time I saw him he came in for lunch." She smiled at the memory. "He was so handsome." She stared at Josh for a moment. "Although you're older now than he was then, you look very much like him." 

Josh wanted to thank her for the compliment, but he couldn't force the words out of his mouth.

"I think we were both looking for nothing more than a summer romance. I was getting over my boyfriend and after my long term relationship with him, I didn't want anything lasting. I mean, it wasn't like I was a loose girl or anything. In fact, the boyfriend I broke up with was the only other person I'd been with before that summer. As for Noah, he didn't have a girlfriend or anything and I think he was just enjoying life."

Mrs. Whitehall smiled a little sadly. "It was a fun summer, one that I enjoyed immensely, mostly because of Noah. But as it went on and as much as I enjoyed being with Noah, I found that I missed my boyfriend more and more. You see, we grew up together and were high school sweethearts so that summer was the first time I could remember when he hadn't been in my life in some form or another."

So far, Donna could understand everything she'd done. Glancing at Josh, she saw his jaw was tight, but in his eyes she saw a begrudging interest in what the woman was saying.

"Because I missed him, I decided to go home a little earlier than I'd originally planned. But since I didn't know what would happen once I could get back and talk to him, I couldn't help wanting one more night with Noah. We slept together the last night I was in Martha's Vineyard, Noah wished me well and I went back to New York." 

At that point, she began to wring her hands lightly as if the next part was the hardest.

"When I got there, I found that my boyfriend had gone to Europe with his parents for the summer and wouldn't be back for almost two weeks." She paused for a moment. "A few days before he came back, I figured out I was pregnant."

She spread her hands a little helplessly. "Back then, of course there were no birth control pills. The only kinds of contraception were condoms and abstinence. We'd always used condoms, Noah was very insistent about that, but apparently even condoms weren't fool proof. And even if it hadn't been illegal at the time, I never could have brought myself to have an abortion. I thought about telling Noah right then, but I figured the last thing he'd want was me showing up on his doorstep pregnant."

Josh wanted to say that she should have let Noah decide that for himself, but he remained silent as she continued.

Mrs. Whitehall let out a breath. "When my boyfriend returned, I'd planned to avoid him until I could figure out what to do…what to tell him."

"You should have tried the truth," Josh grumbled.

Donna laid her hand on his arm. "Josh," she admonished quietly.

A hint of annoyed anger replaced the sadness in her eyes. "Actually, Mr. Lyman, I thought about telling him just that. As soon as he came back from Europe, he came to see me and I almost told him the truth then. But he didn't give me a chance. He told me he'd been stupid and he'd missed me all summer. Then he took me out to dinner and he asked me to marry him that very night."

She ran her fingers over the wedding band she still wore. "I was so happy, I could hardly see straight. The next thing I knew, I'd said yes and we were making love. Afterward it hit me that I was pregnant by another man and I still hadn't told him." She smiled tightly. "Gordon was an understanding man, but even he wouldn't have understood that. He was my soul mate and I loved him. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him."

"So you never told him?" Josh guessed.

"No, I never told him," she replied. "Not about Noah anyway. In our haste, Gordon and I hadn't used a condom that night, so right or wrong, I waited two weeks and then told him I was pregnant with his child."

"What happened when you told him?" Donna asked.

"Actually he was excited," she replied. "As so often happened back then, we got married right away so no one would be suspicious."

"Wasn't he suspicious when you weren't exactly pregnant for nine months?" Josh asked her.

"No, he just thought Jason was premature."

"The doctor didn't contradict that?" Donna put in.

"No, he thought the baby was Gordon's too and that we'd just conceived him before we got married. It helped that Gordon and my Doctor rarely saw each other," she explained. "You have to remember that it was a different time then. Fathers weren't as…involved as they are today. They didn't usually go to doctor appointments and as a rule they weren't allowed in the delivery room."

"And that's it?" Josh asked.

"Yes, that's it. Gordon was a wonderful father and Jason idolized him. They both lived their lives never knowing the truth. We were never able to have more children so Jason was such a blessing to us," she told them. "My husband eventually became a stock broker and we settled in Long Island. We had a good life…a happy life.”

She let out a little breath. “I'll admit I was a little worried when Jason waited so long to get married. You see, he started his own software company and so most of his time was taken up with making it a success." She smiled a little sadly. "He wasn't quite forty when he met Cathy and I never saw him so settled…so happy. They were married a year later. Jake was born a year after that and Hannah three years later." Her smile turned sad. "They hadn't even been married ten years when they were killed."

Donna reached out and laid her hand on hers. "We're sorry for your loss, Mrs. Whitehall."

Mrs. Whitehall patted Donna's hand. "Thank you, dear." Then she turned to Josh and gave him a pointed look. "And that’s the story. If you want to yell at me, Mr. Lyman, now is the time."

But Josh found he didn't want to yell at her. He didn't agree with what she did, but at least he could partially understand why she did it. She'd been young and found herself in a difficult position that she'd tried to make the best out of. The damage was done and there was no undoing it. Screaming at this little old woman was not going to change anything or make him feel better.

"No…" he said quietly. "I'm done yelling."

Mrs. Whitehall was surprised by his response and took it as an opening. "When the news of my son’s death reached me and the police and the ACS asked me about relatives that could take care of my grandchildren, I knew that there was no one else. Noah was the only one I could think of. I used to see articles in the New York Times and the Washington Post about Noah and we moved in some of the same social circles so I knew from my friends that Noah eventually became an attorney, married and had two children. That's also why I thought to look for him at Debevoise and Plimpton." 

“You understand, don’t you Mr. Lyman, I had to do this for my grandchildren?” The imploring looking had come back into her eyes. "With their parents gone, I'm all they have left."

She bowed her head for a moment. "And I won't be here much longer." She lifted her eyes to his again. "I have an incurable, inoperable bone cancer and the doctors don't think I'll last out the year."

Josh and Donna were rendered speechless by her admission.

"I thought this would be the one last thing I could do for them. I thought…I'd hoped that by contacting your father, he might find a way to take care of them or to at least see that they were taken care of." She sighed and another layer of sadness crept into her eyes. "I didn't realize he'd passed away."

"Yeah, about seven years ago," Josh replied quietly.

"What about your mom?"

"She's alive and well and living in Florida."

“I can’t imagine how hard this news must have been for her,” she said sympathetically. "And what about your sister? I half expected her to show up here to grill me too." She gave him a quizzical look. "Or didn't you tell her?"

Josh felt an unexpected jolt of pain go through him at her reference to Joanie. "No…ah, she died when we were kids."

Mrs. Whitehall sighed sadly. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

Neither Josh or Donna had anything to say to that so the three of them were quiet for a very long moment.

"Mr. Lyman, can I ask you what you're going to do about my grandchildren?" Mrs. Whitehall finally asked.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Whitehall, there's not much I can do. I live in Washington D.C., I work at the White House, my hours are crazy, and I'm not married. I'm the last person who should be taking care of two small children."

"I see," she said with note of disappointment in her voice.

Josh looked at her squarely for a long moment. He didn't know why her wishes had suddenly become so important to him, but they had. 

"Mrs. Whitehall, I'm going to make you a promise." Josh glanced at Donna and then back to the frail woman. "I swear that I will do everything in my considerable power to make sure that your grandchildren find a good home and are provided for."

She studied him for a moment, apparently coming to some kind of decision. "I believe you will, Mr. Lyman."

Her heart swelling with pride over how Josh had ultimately handled things, Donna smiled softly at him, then looked at Mrs. Whitehall. "You can count on Josh, Mrs. Whitehall. He always keeps his promises."

**********  
Their next stop was the office of the ACS case worker assigned to Jake and Hannah, the Whitehall children.

The short trip to the office in Brooklyn was a mostly silent affair. Josh seemed deep in thought and Donna wanted to give him the chance to process things. She knew he'd speak up if he wanted to talk to her about it.

Neither of them were sure if they'd be going to an orphanage or an office building, but Josh was relieved to see that it was the latter. He didn't know why and he'd never admit it, but the idea of seeing the kids was beginning to make him really nervous.

Getting out of the car, he and Donna walked into the aging building. They were both a little surprised to discover they had to go through a rather thorough security checkpoint, that included a metal detector and Donna's purse being searched. Once they were cleared, they made their way to the fifth floor caseworker's office.

The door was open, but the occupant was focused on her computer and didn't see them. Except for the fairly modern computer, it looked, Josh imagined, like many offices in the lower level New York City government bureaucracy. 

Despite the fact that everything seemed fairly neat and clean, it was a rather small space, the walls were badly in need of a fresh coat of paint, the color of the linoleum was too stained or faded to really identify, and the desk was scarred and looked as if it had been around since the Depression. Most striking was the fact that the amount of work stacked in neat piles all over the desk and on top of the nearby file cabinets made Josh's usual workload back at the White House look almost light by comparison.

They must have made some kind of noise, because the caseworker looked up from her computer before either of them could knock. "Can I help you?" she asked pleasantly.

Josh and Donna walked in and over to her desk. "This is Donna Moss and I'm Joshua Lyman."

"Oh, yes, I've been looking forward to your visit. I'm Karen Somers, the case worker assigned to the Whitehall children. Before we get started can I just see some identification?"

"Uh, oh, sure," Josh said reaching for his wallet. "Is a driver's license all right?"

"Yes, that's just fine," she said as Josh and Donna both dug out their IDs.

"Why do you need to see our IDs?" Donna asked as she held hers out.

"It's ACS policy to check all identification before speaking with anyone. It's a safeguard against people who would fraudulently try to obtain information about the children under our protection or to learn their whereabouts," she explained. "You'd be amazed at how many people without custodial rights, try to pass themselves off as an authorized parent or guardian."

"Oh, I hadn't thought about that," Donna said as she put her ID away.

"Thank you both for going through the formalities. Now, please have a seat," Karen said indicating the two visitor's chairs that took up the remaining free space in the already cramped office. 

"What did you mean when you said you've been looking forward to our visit?" Josh asked as he and Donna sat down.

Karen smiled as she pulled out two manila file folders. "It's just that we don't often have people who seem to care as much as you do, Mr. Lyman. Usually, the relatives or related parties we contact concerning children in the same circumstances as the Whitehall children are relieved and more than happy to just sign away their rights without a second thought."

Josh glanced at Donna then back at the case worker. "Well, honestly this news came as a bit of a shock and I thought that I should at least meet this niece and nephew I didn't even know I had."

"I can only imagine what you must have thought when you heard the news," she told them. "I don't think I've ever handled a case quite like this one. The truth about Jason Whitehall's parentage puts a very unusual slant on the situation."

"You can say that again," Josh mumbled.

If Karen heard him, she made no notice of it. "Now, let me see," she said opening both of the files. "Jake and Hannah Whitehall, ages 8 and 5 respectively. Orphaned when their parents were killed in a car accident three weeks ago. Our records indicate that they're both bright children."

"Um…Ms. Somers I was wondering if you had a picture of the children?" Donna asked. "There wasn't one in paperwork you sent us."

"Oh, yes, of course," she said reaching into one of the files and pulling out a picture that she handed to Donna. “This one was taken about a year ago.”

Donna stared down at the picture and felt Josh lean in to study it along with her. The kids were both very cute, with bright blue eyes and big grins. They were sitting in front of a huge Christmas Tree with presents and torn wrapping paper spilling out around them in all directions. 

Donna’s heart twisted to think that this picture was probably their last Christmas as a family and this year things would definitely be different for them. She couldn’t imagine how hard Christmas, now only about six weeks away, would be for them.

“Where are the kids now?” he asked as Donna passed the picture back. 

“They’re in an emergency foster care group home until we can find a more permanent solution,” Karen told them. 

"Oh, um, we just came from speaking with Mrs. Whitehall," Josh began. "I didn't think to ask her but didn't Jason Whitehall have a will or other documents stipulating guardianship of his children in case anything happened to him or his wife?"

"Mr. Whitehall had a will but it only covered the business and personal financial assets for him and his wife. No guardianship or custody provisions were made for the children. By law they will inherit what assets are left after the estate is finished going through probate…" Karen explained. "…not that there will be much left."

Josh frowned. "What do you mean? I was under the impression that Jason Whitehall owned his own business and they lived fairly well."

Karen sighed as if the situation was not that uncommon. "You are correct on both counts, Mr. Lyman. The problem is that Mr. and Mrs. Whitehall were living above their means. Many of Mr. Whitehall's assets were tied to keeping his business going and as I understand it, his two business partners will inherit much of his interest in the company."

She paused as she read something in the file. "As for personal wealth, their house was heavily mortgaged and their vehicles were leased. Two college funds had been started for the children, but with the children both so young there really isn't much in those yet. In any case, the children can't access those until they turn eighteen anyway. There was also a stipend set aside for Mrs. Whitehall's long term medical care at the nursing home."

"Oh, I see," Josh replied quietly. How could Jason Whitehall not make provisions for his children? To Josh, that seemed completely irresponsible. "What about life insurance?" he asked next.

She nodded. "Yes, Mr. Whitehall did have a rather sizeable life insurance policy. The problem is that there were enough debts, in the form of credit card debt, funeral expenses and so on, that most of that money will go to pay off their creditors or to back into his business." She spread her hands a bit helplessly. "When it comes right down to it, there just isn't going to be much left for the kids to inherit."

A quiet fell over the room as the three of them silently thought about the fact that not only were the children orphaned, they were basically destitute.

Donna was the one who finally spoke next. "Will you be able to place them in a more permanent home or even adopt them out before Christmas?" she asked quietly. 

"No, I seriously doubt it," Karen answered. "It might be possible under ideal circumstances, but not in their case."

Josh frowned again. "Why do you say that? I thought by me signing away any custody rights, the way would be opened for them to be adopted."

"It is. Yours is the last signature that we needed to release them to be adopted. But having them available for adoption and getting them adopted are two entirely different things."

"Why is that? They're cute kids, I would think lots of people would want to adopt them," Josh replied.

"Well, yes and no," she began. "Because they're siblings, we'd like to try and place them together. But most people looking to adopt want one, not two and they want babies, not children. Since Jake is eight, he definitely doesn't fall in that category. On paper, Hannah has a better chance. She's just young enough that she might be chosen by someone, but she has some issues that characterize her as a borderline special needs child and that pretty much negates any benefit that she gets from her younger age."

"What kind of issues?" Donna asked.

"Although we can't find any evidence of it before her parents were killed, since their death, she's become quiet and withdrawn to the point of becoming an almost total mute. The only one she'll speak to is Jake and even then she'll only whisper in his ear."

"But that's temporary, isn't it?" Donna asked hopefully. "She must still be getting over the loss of her parents."

"It's possible, but there's no guarantee," Karen replied. "We've tried to have her evaluated by psychologists but since she won't talk or really even interact much at all they have a pretty hard time assessing the seriousness of her problem. Until she comes out of it or we can get a better handle on her problem, she will be very difficult to get adopted. The best that both the children can hope for is a positive long term foster care situation."

Suddenly, anger surged through Josh. "I thought it was your job to do right by these kids! You don't seem to be doing a whole lot for them."

"Josh…" Donna began, but Karen's soft voice cut her off.

"Mr. Lyman, there are nearly two million children in the city of New York," she said without malice. "At any given time, around one hundred thousand of them need the services that the ACS offers. Whether it be investigation of reports of abuse or neglect or placing children without parents in loving foster care or adoptive homes. There are only about one hundred and fifty caseworkers for those hundred thousand children." 

She paused to let that sink in. "As someone who also works for the government I'm sure you can understand that there are only so many hours in the day and only so much we can do with the resources we're given. I'm sorry if you mistook my somewhat grim analysis to mean I don't care about these children, but the truth is I care about them a great deal. Believe me, if I didn't, I'd be the first one to find a new line of work. One that paid more money and didn't show me on a weekly, if not daily basis, the horrible things that can happen to children."

Josh blinked at her, then looked at Donna. As always, her presence settled him. The anger that had gone through him so suddenly, faded just as quickly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply you don't care. I just…" He sighed. "I made a promise to Mrs. Whitehall, I want to do right by these kids."

She smiled back as if the accusations he'd just made toward her were just part of the job. "If it makes any difference, I think you are doing the right thing, Mr. Lyman. And for the record, I'm going to do all I can to see that the Whitehall children are placed in a loving home. If you like, I can even keep you apprised of what happens to them. I won't be able to tell you the exact names of their foster or adoptive families, of course, but I can tell you when they have been placed and what I think of their new situation."

Well, it was something. Under the circumstances Josh supposed it was about the best he could hope for. "All right," he nodded. "I'd like that."

"Good," she said closing the file. "Now you said you wanted to meet the children. So if you'll come with me, I'll take you to them. Then we can come back and get all the papers signed."

Josh looked at Donna and she nodded slightly, then he turned back to Karen. "Okay, let's go."

It was mid-afternoon as the three of them rode together in Josh and Donna's car. The drive to a home in an older part of Brooklyn didn't take long. The houses in the neighborhood were neat, but had definitely begun to show their age. The one they stopped in front of looked to be very old, was in desperate need of a new coat of paint and it was huge.

Josh's earlier nervousness at meeting the kids came back full force and he tried to cover it. "This place is enormous, the guy that built it must have had an large family," he commented instead as they got out of the car. 

"Actually it was originally built in the 1890's as an illegal brothel," she said as they started up the long walk, trying not to trip over the bikes and toys that littered the front yard. "The town sheriff, who was as crooked as the day is long, built it for the town madam, whom he was reportedly also in love with. Accounts from that time say it was a toss up between which one he loved more, the madam or the cut of the profits the brothel netted him."

"How on earth did it end up as an emergency foster care home?" Donna asked.

Lifting her hand, Karen knocked on the front door. "Well, eventually the sheriff was killed in a shoot out and the madam and her girls were run out of town. After that the house was used for a boarding house, but it fell and hard times during the depression and was eventually sold at auction. It was originally bought by the grandparents of the foster mother who runs the home now and then passed down through the family."

The door opened and a skinny teenage boy with dark hair and hard eyes stared back at them.

"Hi, Jeremy," Karen greeted him. "Is Peggy here?"

"PEGGY!" the young boy screamed. "KAREN'S HERE!" Without another word, he turned and disappeared back into the house, leaving the door half open.

"Kids don't always have the best manners," Karen said by way of an apology.

Just then a somewhat harried and disheveled looking woman with a baby on her hip came to the door. She was very thin and petite, and she looked tired. The baby on her hip looked well fed, but had a slightly runny nose and drool running down his or her chin.

The woman, Josh assumed she was the 'Peggy' the boy had called, stepped out onto the porch with them and closed the door behind her. 

"Hey, Karen. I didn't think your regular visit was until next week."

"Hi, Peggy. You're right, it's not until next week, but this man is family to the Whitehall children…"

"Are you here to take them?" Peggy interrupted, looking at Josh.

He had to fight the urge to squirm. "Uh, no. I just wanted to meet them."

As if he'd given the wrong answer, something in her eyes dismissed Josh instantly and she turned back to Karen. "Karen, you've got to find them another place soon. You said they'd only be here a week and it's been three."

"I know, Peggy, I know. I'm working on it."

"It's just that I'm overcrowded as it is and I took them in as a favor to you."

"I know," Karen repeated. "And I appreciate that."

"Plus there's no way I can give the girl the attention she needs. She's clearly got issues that I can't help her with."

"Can't or won't?" Josh found himself challenging before he thought better of it.

"Mr. Lyman…" Karen began.

Peggy looked levelly at Josh and her eyes turned a little hard when she answered his challenge.

"Can't," she said simply. "Mister, in addition to those two, I've got twelve other kids in the house, four under the age three. I've got one part time helper and someone to help me with the cooking and the cleaning. Only five of the children are my own long term foster kids. The rest are here on a temporary or emergency basis. I simply don't have the time to help any that have developmental or emotional problems." 

Josh didn't know what to say to that so he remained quiet, but met her gaze unflinchingly.

Karen was the first one to break the silence. "I know you're busy Peggy, so if you'll just show us where the kids are, we can take care of our business and be on our way." 

Peggy held Josh's gaze for a moment longer then shifted it to Karen. "All right. The boy just got back from school. I think they were both in the playroom the last time I saw them."

They went into the house and found that the inside was well lived in and in not much better shape than the outside. While everything seemed basically clean and like it worked, the furniture was threadbare and toys seemed to be strewn everywhere.

From the entryway they turned left into a living area that had been set up with small tables and chairs, play mats, and toys in what looked like an indoor play area. A couple of children were playing in the room while the older ones were in the room to the right of the entryway gathered in front of a television.

From the picture they'd seen, Josh recognized that Jake and Hannah Whitehall were sitting together on a mat playing with blocks. Or rather, Jake was playing and Hannah was watching him as she clutched what looked like a tattered teddy bear.

"Jake, Hannah, these people are here to see you," Peggy told the children before turning back to Karen. "I've got to feed the baby, so I'll be in the kitchen if you need me for anything." With that, she gave Josh a pointed glare and headed for the kitchen.

Josh felt the butterflies start bouncing around his stomach again. Now that they were standing here in front of the kids they'd traveled so far to see, he had no idea what to do next.

By contrast, Karen seemed to be completely at ease as she led the way and they walked over to the kids.

"Hi guys," she said kneeling down. "I don't know if you remember me or not. My name is…"

"Miss Karen," Jake answered easily as he continued building the tower he was working on. "You brought us here."

"That's right, Jake, very good." She turned to the little girl. "Hi, Hannah. How are you today?"

If Hannah heard her, she made no notice. As soon as Peggy had announced their presence, Hannah had stopped watching Jake and lowered her head to stare at her teddy bear. 

Karen glanced up at Josh and Donna with an understanding look in her eye before she addressed Jake again. "Jake, this is your uncle Josh and his friend Donna," she said not even bothering to throw in the ‘half-brother’ part.

Jake looked up at Josh and Donna and frowned. "What's an uncle?"

"That means he was your dad's brother."

Josh still couldn't believe how weird that sounded.

Jake seemed to consider her words as he studied Josh. "Hi," he finally said.

"Hi there," Josh answered back. "So, um, what are you building there?"

As Josh attempted to make somewhat awkward conversation with Jake, Donna was watching Hannah. When Karen had mentioned the word 'dad' to Jake, Hannah had looked up from her teddy bear and taken a mute interest in the conversation. First her eyes had gone to Josh, but then they moved to Donna and remained there.

'So she is in there somewhere,' Donna thought to herself as she sat down in one of the child sized chairs and smiled softly at Hannah.

The smile seemed to trigger something in the little girl because she quietly got up and walked over to Donna. Josh and Karen were so focused on Jake and didn't notice right away.

Hannah walked up to Donna and stood there for a long moment, just staring up at her with eyes of clear china blue. Despite a slightly dirty smudge on her cheek and the fact that her fine blonde hair had half slipped out of the ponytail it had been pulled into, she was completely adorable. Then, much to Donna's immense surprise, she climbed up into her lap. Almost automatically, Donna slid her arms around the little girl.

Hannah felt light as a feather and when she slipped her arms around Donna's neck and rested her head on her shoulder, Donna felt something in her heart swell hopelessly.

By then, Karen and Josh had noticed what was going on between Donna and Hannah. "I've never seen her want to be held," Karen told Josh quietly. "In fact, Peggy said she doesn't like being held."

Josh watched Donna with Hannah. There was no mistaking the fact that with them both being blonde and petite, they looked natural together. Josh's heart beat just a little harder. 

"Well, maybe it just takes the right person," he said. Walking over to Donna, he knelt down and tried speaking to Hannah. "Hi, Hannah. I'm your uncle Josh."

Hannah had watched him cross the room to where they were standing and she continued to watch him steadily. Then suddenly she gave him a little smile and pulling her teddy bear in closer, nuzzled her face shyly against Donna's neck.

Even though she hadn't actually spoken to him, Josh felt like she'd given him a little gift with the smile. "It's very nice to meet you," he told her smiling back.

"Why did you come to see us?" Jake spoke up from behind.

Josh stood up and turned to Jake. "Oh, well…this is going to sound a little confusing, but I heard what happened to your mom and dad and I wanted to meet you."

"Why?" Jake pressed him further.

"Um…I guess because I never met you before and I was curious to see what you and your sister were like."

Jake seemed to accept Josh's comment without the need for further explanation. "Oh," was all he said as he went back to playing with the blocks.

"Is that okay?" Josh asked him.

Jake shrugged. "I guess."

A quiet descended on the room as Josh ran out of things to say to the eight-year-old. He started to turn back to Donna when Jake's voice stopped him. 

"What's going to happen to us?" he asked.

Josh's heart clenched at the boy's question and he hated that, despite his promise to Mrs. Whitehall, he couldn't do more for him and Hannah. Despite the fact that Josh had no idea what he was going to say, he opened his mouth to try and answer Jake's question, but Karen beat him to it.

"Jake, we talked about this, remember? I'm working on finding you and Hannah a new home right now. I promise."

"Why can't we just live in our old house?" he asked next.

Karen glanced at Josh, then back to Jake. "Well, because with your mom and dad gone there would be no one to take care of you at your old house."

Josh half expected Jake to ask where his parents were or why they couldn't take care of him and Hannah, but he remained silent. Instead, he just continued to build his block tower.

Josh didn't know if Jake didn't understand the situation or just didn't care, but he had the distinct feeling that Jake had given up trying to fight against the terrible changes that had come about his in young life. If that was the case, then the idea really bothered him. To him, no child should be faced with a situation where they're only option was to give up. 

"Well, I guess we better go," Karen finally said into the awkward silence.

When Hannah made no move to get down or let go of her, Donna tried to extricate herself as gently as possible, but it only seemed to make Hannah hang on tighter.

"It's okay, Hannah," Donna tried to soothe her. "I've got to go and I'm sorry, but I can't take you with me." 

Karen stepped in to help. "Come on, Hannah, let go now," she said trying to lift Hannah away from Donna, but to no avail. That was when they heard the first little sobs coming from Hannah. The more Karen tried to pull Hannah away, the louder the sobs and eventually the screaming got. Even Jake looked a little surprised that she was reacting so strongly.

Donna's heart was breaking for this little girl. She wished there was some way she could take her with them. Somehow she felt that she could reach this child…reach her and find a way to help her out of the silence she'd immersed herself in. But, with Josh's mind made up about the kids, there was literally nothing she could do.

Well, except maybe spare this child any more trauma. She waved Karen off and rubbed a hand over Hannah's back until her crying had subsided, but her little arms were still locked around Donna's neck. 

"Hannah? Hannah, I want you to look at me," she said in a firm, but soft voice.

Something in her tone must have gotten through to Hannah because she pulled back and looked at Donna tearfully.

"Honey, I'm sorry, but I have to go and you can't go where I'm going," she tried to explain. "Besides, you need to stay here with Jake. He needs you to look out for him. That's what sisters are for." 

Hannah's tears began to subside and Donna hoped that meant she was getting through to her. 

"I mean, you don't want him to get lonely, do you?"

Hannah looked from Donna to Jake, her lip quivering in a way that looked both adorable and heart-wrenching at the same time.

Donna tucked some loose hair behind Hannah's ear. "And who knows, maybe, some day, I'll be able to come and see you again. Would you like that?"

Hannah stared at her unflinchingly. Slowly, she loosed her arms around Donna's neck, then she gave her the tiniest of smiles that Donna took as a 'yes'.

"Good. Then I'll try to come back and see you, if I can," Donna said. In her heart of hearts, she didn't feel like she was lying to her. Part of her wanted to believe she could come and see this little girl again. "But I'll only come if I hear you've been a good girl. Okay?"

The little girl gave a small nod and slowly slid off her lap. Donna leaned forward and planted a small kiss on her forehead. 

"Goodbye, Hannah." 

Unable to stay there any longer and trying her best not to cry herself, Donna stood up and turned to Josh. "I'll be out in the car." 

With a nod, Josh watched Donna walk stiffly out of the room. He never expected her to react so strongly to either of the kids, but in hindsight, her caring nature made it not all that surprising. 

He turned back to Jake, who was still kneeling by this block tower, but was now watching Josh with renewed interest. By then Hannah had walked back over to her brother and was also watching Josh. It was disconcerting to say the least to have them both watching him and for the second time that day he had to fight the urge to squirm.

What was it about these two innocent children that made him more uncomfortable and intimidated than a roomful of hostile Republicans? 

"Well, guys, I guess we have to go," he said awkwardly. "It was nice to meet both of you." Neither of the children offered anything in the way of a reply so he turned to leave, but then paused and looked back at them. "Um…if you ever want to contact me, let Miss Somers know and she can call me."

Knowing there was nothing else to do or say, he turned and walked out with Karen right behind him.

"You know, if they ever need anything…" he told her as they started down the walk toward the car. "…money or medical treatment or whatever…"

Karen seemed surprised by Josh's comment. "Thank you, Mr. Lyman," she said with a reassuring smile. "I'll note that in their file."

Climbing into the car, Josh found Donna sitting in the back seat, staring out the opposite window. He could have sworn he saw her swipe at her eyes when he'd first opened the door, but as he sat down he didn't see anything out of the ordinary.

"Miss Moss, you know that you won't be able to see Hannah again," Karen admonished as the driver pulled away from the curb. "You really shouldn't make promises you can't keep." 

The vehemence of Donna's reply took Josh by surprise. 

"Oh? And I suppose that simply tearing her away from me and letting her scream would have been better for her emotional well-being than me telling her a harmless lie?" Donna snapped angrily.

"I know," Karen said, also clearly surprised by Donna's response. "I just…I don't like giving the children false hope."

Settling back in her seat, Donna didn't say anything further and the three of them fell into a somewhat strained and awkward silence.

As they drove back to Karen office, Josh felt an ever-deepening sense of dread falling over him. He found himself wanting more and more desperately to help these kids. The truth about their father's parentage was no fault of theirs and he hated the feeling that he was doing something to punish them for it.

No one said anything else until they were back in Karen's office and she was pulling out he folder containing all the appropriate paperwork. 

"Okay, Mr. Lyman, I just need your signature at all the places indicated," she instructed.

Donna watched Josh hesitate then tentatively pick up a pen and she could all but feel the tension coming off him. His hand shook slightly as if something in him was really fighting against him putting pen to paper.

"Miss Somers?" she blurted suddenly.

The case worker looked up in surprise at Donna's outburst. "Yes?"

"Do you think we could continue this tomorrow?"

Josh blinked at Donna in confusion and Karen frowned. "Why? We're almost done," she told Donna. "It will just take a few minutes to get everything signed."

"I know, but suddenly, I'm not feeling all that well," Donna lied. "I'd really like to go so I can find somewhere to lay down." 

What she really wanted was to get Josh alone so she was sure he wasn't being forced into a choice he wasn't ready to make.

Karen glanced between the two of them. "Mr. Lyman?"

Josh stared at Donna, not really understanding what was going on. "Um, yes. If Donna's not feeling well, then we should go."

"All right. I'll be here all day tomorrow," Karen told them as she gathered the papers and put them back into the folder. "Come by any time and you can sign the papers."

"Thank you, Miss Somers," Donna said as they stood and collected their things.

"It's no problem. I hope you feel better." If she didn't believe Donna's story about being sick, she didn't show it.

Josh continued to frown at Donna as they left the office and stepped into the empty elevator.

"What's wrong?" he finally asked her.

"Nothing," she said not looking away from the elevator display.

His frown deepened. "But you said you didn't feel well."

"I'm fine," she assured him.

"Then why…?"

Now she did turn to look at him squarely. "Because I think we need to talk."

TBC


	2. Little Wonders: Chapters 6-10

**********  
Chapter 6

Josh peeked under the covered dishes, all but tut-tutting with dismay. “Grilled chicken and wild rice,” he said making a face over the room service dinner Donna had ordered.

“And vegetable medley,” she added proudly as she pulled a chair up to the small table in his hotel room and sat down. 

After checking in with Leo to let him know there was a new issue with the kids, they used the 'just in case' reservation Donna had made to get two connecting rooms at the JFK Airport Marriott. Donna had also rescheduled their flight back to D.C. for the next day. As for actually discussing the kids, so far they'd managed to stay busy enough to avoid the subject. 

“Why not just get me a boiled shoe? It probably would have tasted better,” he grumbled.

“Well, I asked if the boiled shoe was fresh today, but they said it wasn’t and I figured there was nothing worse than OLD boiled shoe so I settled on this.” She gave him a chastising look. “Now sit down and eat.”

Too tired and hungry to work up a good comeback or argument, Josh dropped into a chair and pulled the cover off his chicken. 

Okay, so it didn't actually look TOO terrible.

Picking up his knife and fork, he cut some of it up and tasted it.

All right, so it didn't taste too bad either. Not that he was going to tell Donna that.

"How's your dinner?" she asked as she skewered a baby carrot and popped it in her mouth. 

"Edible." Was all he would say.

Considering what she was making him eat, Donna took that as high praise. "Well, since I'm forcing you to eat healthy, I did make two concessions for you."

He perked up slightly at that. "Oh?"

"One is fresh coffee," she said pouring him a cup from the carafe they'd provided.

"Really?" he said pleasantly surprised. "Wait...it's decaf though, right?"

"Nope, the real stuff," she told him. "I figured you'd want to give your brain a little boost for our discussion. Plus, I thought you probably wouldn't sleep that well tonight with all that's going on and so it wouldn't matter if the caffeine kept you up a bit."

He took a sip of the coffee and smiled. It was actually really good coffee. "And concession number two?"

She lifted the lid on one other plate. "Chocolate walnut brownies," she beamed.

It was a little known fact that Josh had a bit of a sweet tooth and brownies were his favorite. Whenever she was in a position to control it, she tried to keep him from eating them very often because on top of his natural nervous energy, a sugar high was usually the last thing he needed.

"But what about all the sugar?" he asked. "You're always telling me I eat too much sugar." 

"Well, you do. But, again, like the coffee, I figured you'd need some energy. Plus, usually when I tell you you're eating too much sugar, you want to eat the sugar and nothing else. This time you're getting a well rounded meal." She paused and put the lid back on the brownies. "But, you have to clean your plate before you get any brownies."

"Donnaaaa!" he exclaimed eyeing the now covered plate longingly.

"Nope."

"But..."

"No..."

"Just a couple bites...?" he tried

"No, dinner...eat," she commanded.

With a slight sulk, Josh went back to eating his dinner. They ate in silence for a while, the comfortable, yet oddly pregnant silence that often fell between them in moments they were alone, but not working on anything. It was as if on the one hand they were content to be silent, but on the other they were both constantly waiting for the other one to say something.

There was also the fact that they were both a little absorbed in their own thoughts regarding what had happened that day. So much so, that Josh didn't really remember actually eating all his dinner, but when he stabbed his fork down for another bite, all he found was an empty plate.

Donna pulled the cover off the brownies and nudged the plate toward him. "Now see, was that so hard?"

"No, I guess not," he admitted, but didn't reach for the brownies. With a sigh, he leaned back in his chair. "Especially when there are so many harder things."

Donna knew that they couldn't put the discussion off any longer and so she pushed her nearly empty plate away and took a drink of her once hot tea.

"So what do you want to do, Josh?" she asked quietly.

He scrubbed a hand over his face and gave a hollow little laugh. "That's just it, I don't know. I'm caught between that damn promise I made to their grandmother and the fact that I don't see how I can possibly do anything but sign the papers."

She looked at him for a moment. "Is your promise to her the only thing that's keeping you from signing the papers?"

"No!" he exclaimed in frustration as he got up and started to pace. "Those kids deserve better. Even if they weren't related to me, they deserve better than to be shuffled through the foster care system, which is what's going to happen if I sign the papers." He leaned against the far wall. "Part of me also keeps feeling like if I sign them, I'm punishing two innocent kids for what my father and their grandmother did."

"You're right," she agreed. "They do deserve better, but I think you're being too hard on yourself about signing the papers."

Josh was a little surprised by what she was saying. "You think I should sign them?"

"I didn't say that."

He felt a bolt of frustration. "Then what do you want me to do?!"

She recognized his frustration and didn't let it get to her. "I want you to do what YOU want to do, Josh. This is a huge decision, I don't want to influence you."

"Oh, that's great! You pick NOW, to stop trying to influence me!"

"Josh…"

He wouldn't let her finish. "No…Donna, I want…I NEED your input on this," he told her. "I don't think I can make this decision on my own. This isn't some bill or political maneuver, this is two children's FUTURE."

"Don't you think I know that?" she said. 

"It's just that…I have no earthly clue what the hell I'm doing!"

"And you think I do?!" she said jumping up out of the chair and pacing away from him. "I'm a little out of my depth here too, Josh!" The words began to tumble hard and fast. "You think that because I'm trying to remain neutral, I don't feel for those kids...or you?"

The emotion in her words startled him and he blinked at her. "No…I…"

It was her turn to cut him off. "I went into this wanting nothing more than to help you. Then I walked into that house this morning and saw those two kids and I held that sweet little girl, and suddenly my biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear myself think! This afternoon it's been all I can do to keep from begging you NOT to sign the papers! I know you're not in a place where you think that you can take them, Josh, and I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I wish to God that wasn't the case!" 

Josh stared at her. He hadn't realized how much the little girl had affected her. "I wish it was too," he said quietly.

His quiet words went right through her. "Josh, I think they need us and maybe...we need them."

"I know," he said shoving his hands in his pockets. "I had almost the same thought."

Donna dropped onto the corner of the bed as if she were suddenly very tired. "All I keep thinking is what a terrible Christmas they're going to have," Donna said tearing up. She looked up at the ceiling obviously trying to stem the tide. "I saw that Christmas picture the case worker showed us and they looked so happy and now...they have nothing but each other."

Their usual, unspoken professional boundaries seemed kind of pointless in the face of this very personal discussion, so he walked over to the bed and sat down next to her. Putting his arm around her, he felt her head come to rest on his shoulder. 

"You know what I kept thinking when we were in the car on the way back to the case worker's office?" he asked.

"No, what?" she asked a little wetly as she wiped away a tear.

"That I'm kind of in the same boat they are."

Lifting her head, Donna frowned at him. "What do you mean?"

"The only family they have is their grandmother," he explained. "And the only family I have is my mom. Really, the three of us only have each other." He paused for a moment. "I always kind of figured once my mom was gone, I'd be alone. Now there's a possibility I can do something to change that." He laughed a little harshly. "God, that sounds selfish."

Donna reached out and took his hand. "No, it doesn't. I know what you mean. No one wants to be alone in the world, Josh." She stared down at their hands a moment, then looked up at him. "On the other hand, you have to know that no matter what you decide about the kids and even if something did happen to your mother, you'd never be alone. We may not be blood family, but you've got a lot of people that care about you very much."

Josh looked down at her. Her face was tipped up slightly to his and her eyes glistened with unshed tears making them look large and impossibly blue. For a moment, all the air seemed to be sucked out of the room and he had the sudden and crushing urge to kiss her. 

Kiss her? How could he kiss her? That's all he needed. He'd kiss her, and she'd get mad or things would get painfully awkward and then where would they be? As much as they bantered and flirted, he suspected if she felt something more for him than friendship she would have said so by now. And as her boss, he didn't want to be the one to make the first move. He didn't want her to think his feelings had anything to do with their working relationship.

Knowing it was too big a boundary to cross, Josh let out a slightly shaky sigh and turned his head just enough that he was looking at a point on the wall just over her shoulder and not at her incredible eyes.

"Yeah, I know you'd all be there," he told her. Feeling a little steadier, he glanced at her and gave her hand a squeeze. "And it means a lot to me."

Looking a little farther away so he wouldn't be tempted to kiss her again, Josh felt her head drop back onto his shoulder and the two of them sat there quietly for a long time.

"So what do you want to do?" Donna asked him gently. "The case worker is going to need an answer tomorrow."

Josh let out another sigh. Dropping his arm from around her shoulders, he leaned forward and scrubbed his hands over his face. "Yeah, I know." He looked back at her. "I just don't know what I'd have to offer a child...much less two of them. I'm a workaholic and I have no experience with kids. I mean I've even been an only child for most of my life. Any time I'm around them, I feel completely inept."

"Well, I've never had children obviously, but I have had a little more experience with them than you have," she told him. "I used to baby sit in junior high and high school all the time when I was back in Wisconsin, and my sister was always asking me to take care of her kids." She smiled at him. "I was even a camp counselor for a couple of summers."

The image of her in shorts and a t-shirt with sunburned nose and a whistle around her neck suddenly rose in his mind and threatened to bring back the need to kiss her. Then he realized what she'd said and he blinked at her.

"What are you saying, Donna?"

"I'm just saying that I do have some experience with kids," she replied. "I mean it's been a while and I'm no Dr. Spock, but they don't completely intimidate me."

Josh felt like he was holding his breath. "You think I should take them, don't you?"

She stared at him with a maddeningly neutral expression. "I didn't say that. I'm just saying that I do have some experience with kids and you might find me...valuable."

Harkening back to the day they met, the moment crashed through the room. "I'll always find you valuable," he said very quietly.

Donna didn't seem to know what to say to that, although Josh thought he saw her eyes get a little brighter. To him, it looked like she was fighting off some emotion she was unwilling to acknowledge. Instead, they stared at each other and for a long period there was utter silence between them.

Finally, Josh turned away and started to pace. "What about the fact that I'm a workaholic?"

"Well, I guess you'd have a reason to go home once in a while."

"What about the fact that I only have a small two-bedroom condo with no yard? Shouldn't kids have a house or something?"

"Your place isn't that small," she said. "And for now they're young enough they could share a room without much trouble. In fact, I'm guessing that they'd prefer it that way until they get used to you and being in a new place."

She was running down his objections faster than he could think them up.

He stopped pacing for a moment. "Okay, what if I take them and it doesn't work out and I hate them and they hate me and in six months we're right back here?"

Rather than answering right away, she cocked her head at him. "I have an idea."

Well, he was glad someone did. "Should I be scared?" he teased, feeling a little better now that he had some hope that this mess might be resolved.

"Do you want to hear it or not?" 

He bounced on the balls of his feet. "Yes! Yes, I absolutely want to hear your idea!"

"All right..." she began, "What about just taking them over the holidays?"

"Over the holidays?" he said starting to slowly pace again.

"Yes, think of it like a trial run," she told him. "You can see how you interact with them and how well you can fit them into your life. Plus, that way at least the kids will have a nice Thanksgiving and Christmas."

"Wouldn't that just make it harder for them if or when things don't work out?"

She considered that. "We'll just tell the kids they're going to visit you for a few weeks. That way it's not like you're promising them it's forever."

"Don't you think the case worker and the City of New York is going to have a problem with this 'temporary' arrangement?" he asked next. "I mean they're looking for someone to either take them permanently or sign them away, not in between."

"Not necessarily. They're probably going to appreciate the fact that you're at least making an effort to give them a home, temporary or not. We'll have to ask their case worker, but I bet they'll agree to it. After all, it will get the kids out of that cramped over-taxed foster home until after the new year. I'm guessing you'd just have to be cleared to be an emergency foster parent."

"You say that like it's an easy thing. Won't that be tough or take a while? Especially since I'm a single man and don't even live in New York?"

"I don't think so. You're presumably the kids' blood relative, they've already done the background check on you when they were trying to find you and your dad, and it's not like you're a completely unknown quantity. In some circles you're quite famous."

He stopped and gave her a little smirk. "Should I be insulted or proud?" 

She grinned back at him. "Both, I think. But what I'm getting at is since you work at the White House, your life is pretty much an open book. It wouldn't be hard for them to find out anything and everything they need to know about you."

He could hardly fault her logic there. In fact, he really couldn't fault any of her logic. Everything she had said made sense and he couldn't deny that her idea had merit.

"I don't know why this is so hard," he admitted quietly as he toed the carpet. "I guess I just don't want to screw it up. Aside from the promise to Mrs. Whitehall, part of me feels like I owe my dad something too. You know? Like I owe it to him to see that this is done right."

"You don’t owe him anything, Josh," she told him. "He would never expect that. He would just want you to do what makes you happy."

He stared at her and just managed to bite back the words that told her that she was what made him happy. Just as he had earlier, he had to turn away slightly to keep himself from embarrassing them both. 

Trying to focus on the problem at hand, he dropped into a chair. "Over the holidays, huh?" he said a bit absently. "Hmmm."

"Yeah," she replied. "So...what do you think?"

He looked at her with what he guessed was a somewhat enigmatic expression. "I think...I'm definitely going to give it some more thought."

She nodded. "Good."

He let out a long breath. "In the meantime, why don't we get some work done?" he suggested. "It's early yet and I've still got to get through a couple reports so I'll be ready for my meetings on Friday." He smiled. "I could also really use some note cards."

She grinned back. "Note cards coming right up. I'll just go get my bag. I left it in my room." Walking to the adjoining door between their rooms, she stopped in the doorway and turned. "Oh Josh, one more thing..."

"What's that?"

"I think you have a great deal to offer anyone..." she told him softly. "...especially a child." 

With that, she disappeared into her own room, leaving Josh sitting in a stunned silence.

**********

After they finished working, they devoured most of the plate of brownies while they watched some TV and then turned in to get some sleep.

Of course for Josh, sleep did not come easily. He'd honestly tried to sleep, but his brain just didn't seem to want to turn off long enough to let him. The closest he'd come was dozing fitfully for the first hour or two he was in bed. 

Finally, giving up on the idea of sleeping, he stopped fighting the thoughts chasing through his mind and let them come. He tucked his arm under his head and stared up at the darkened ceiling.

What the hell was he doing? 

Was he seriously thinking about taking two kids into his life? Even temporarily? He could hardly take care of himself half the time. And that was with Donna looking out for him like some personal guardian angel. Even with Donna helping him this time, he wasn't sure this whole thing wasn't the dumbest idea he'd ever had.

And yet...

He couldn’t get Jake and Hannah out of his mind. So cute...so innocent and if he didn't take them, they'd most likely be at the mercy of strangers and a governmental bureaucracy that would probably have little time or concern for them. 

And then there was that promise he’d made to Gloria Whitehall. He couldn't keep it if he just signed away any of his rights. Once signed, he'd no longer have much, if any, power to affect what happened to them.

Why was this so hard?

Donna's arguments had all trumped his this evening. Taking them over the holidays seemed like an idea that would cover all the bases.

So again, he wondered, why was this so hard?

Lying in bed didn't seem to be helping him make up his mind, so he threw back the sheets and sat on the edge of the bed. Scrubbing his hands over his face, he tried to clear his head. It only marginally helped. 

Next, he stood up and managed not to groan. Even though he was only in bed for a couple hours, the tossing and turning had left him stiff and sore. He supposed the tension in the last couple of days hadn't helped either.

Remembering there had been a brownie left from dinner, Josh managed to shuffle over to the table in the dark without bodily injury and broke off a corner. The brownie was still fresh enough and the rich chocolate tasted just as good as it had earlier. He smiled in the dark. It was really thoughtful of Donna to get him brownies. In the scheme of gestures for her, it was right up there with her bringing him a cup of coffee.

All he needed was some milk and he'd have the perfect midnight...or in this case 1 am snack. But except for cream for the coffee, which had long ago been consumed, they hadn't gotten any milk with dinner. There wasn't even a mini bar he could root around in. He had to settle for water, which honestly was only a half a step up from nothing, but it didn't stop him from eating the rest of the brownie anyway.

By the time Josh was finished, he could all but feel the sugar humming through his system, leaving him more wide awake than ever.

He glanced over at the half-open connecting doors between their rooms. Neither side of the connecting door was closed all the way. Most people would have probably thought it was strange that it was still open, but Josh knew it was just how he and Donna were. In light of all they'd been through together, closing doors didn't really matter to them.

For a moment, he wondered if she was having as much trouble sleeping as he was. Maybe another session of talking things over would be just what he needed to make a decision. 

At least that's what he told himself. God knows he couldn't possibly have any OTHER motives for going into her room in the middle of the night.

Yeah, right. Who was he fooling there? Absolutely no one, not even himself.

He wanted to go there because he wanted to see her. Her presence always calmed him, centered him.

Of course, there was also the fact that if he got bored enough, he could wake her up and she could keep him entertained. He knew CJ would have smacked him for thinking such a thing, but talking to Donna could keep him entertained forever and why should he be bored when he didn't have to be?

Opening his side of the door, which he was relieved to find swung quietly on its hinges and didn't creak, Josh slipped out of his room and into hers.

The first thing that struck him was that where his room was dark behind the tightly pulled drapes, Donna's room was flooded with moonlight. She'd opened the heavy drapes and only had the sheer white curtains closed.

His second thought was that he had no intention of waking her. She was lying on her side facing him and the windows and appeared to be sleeping peacefully.

She looked, quite simply, amazing. The moonlight made her skin look even more luminescent than usual...even ethereal. And even in the lower light, her hair gleamed gently where it was spread over her pillow.

There was a chair sitting not far from her bed and he quietly sank down into it. His mind smoothly switched from thinking about the kids to thinking about Donna. It was something he didn't let himself do very often. Generally, it was better not to dwell on things that he couldn't have. 

Maybe that was the whole problem with the situation. This thing with the kids had left him standing immobile at a crossroads and it made him think about the roads not taken in his life.

He considered the fact that he was in his early forties and he was, by his own estimation, all but alone in the world. Of course he had friends, but he had no wife or girlfriend, no children, no plan for tomorrow beyond the next piece of legislation, the next fight in Congress, the next campaign.

If he bowed out of politics tomorrow, what would he have? He was startled to realize he had next to nothing. At least CJ had a gold fish. Toby had Andi and the twins. Sam had...well, Sam was the type that everyone liked and he knew Sam would always land on his feet. 

But Josh didn't have any of those things. 

He had an apartment he barely went home to. He had his mother, who was admittedly aging. He had his friends, some of which he suspected would be much less 'friendly' if he weren't in politics. And finally, he had a scar on his chest the size of the Grand Canyon the result of which, his doctors had told him, would likely shorten his lifespan.

Not exactly a scene from "It's a Wonderful Life," was it? Well, except maybe in the "if George Bailey had never been born" part. 

God, that was a depressing thought.

About the only thing of real value he did have...was Donna. 

And at this point, even Donna, as much as he might wish things were different, fell into the friend category. Maybe his best friend. Okay, of course she was his best friend, but a line between them had never been crossed, and he doubted it ever would be if things kept on the way they were.

Maybe, after they weren't working at the White House anymore, he'd summon the nerve to find out if there was more between them, hopefully before some gomer swept her off her feet, but for now they were friends.

But he suspected...no he KNEW, that she was the type of friend that would stick with him. If one day, he up and decided he wanted to be a college professor or, shudder, an accountant, he knew all he had to do was ask and she'd be there wanting to help...wanting to be valuable.

He smiled slightly in the dark. It was funny how being wide awake at two in the morning made you think about your life. If she knew his thoughts, Donna would probably tease him for being so melancholy.

He stared at her again. She hadn't moved a muscle since he'd come in there, hadn't made any sign that she knew he was there. She only continued to breathe deeply and steadily with a rhythm uniquely Donna. 

He'd never told her this, but there'd been a number of occasions during the summer after Rosslyn when she'd all but lived with him, when he had sat and watched her like this. When he couldn't sleep or was in too much pain to sleep...or had slept too much, he'd wander out and find her asleep on his lumpy couch. He'd settle himself in the large easy chair next to the couch and just watch her. 

For him, there was no more calming image than Donna sleeping peacefully. It was one of those 'all's right with the world' things for him, and it never ceased to touch something deep in his spirit. 

It also never ceased to make him want to wake her up by kissing her until her arms went around him and he could feel her mouth respond under his. Even now he had to keep himself in check, had to fight the desire he knew would rage to life in his body and his heart if he let himself think of loving her. Desire that could and would, easily override the reason he had to hang onto.

Letting out a long, slow, quiet breath, Josh stared down at the floor, then back at Donna. 

What if life was giving him a chance...a chance to be closer to Donna...a chance to have a family...a chance to see where many of those roads not taken led and all he had to do was reach out and take it? 

He wasn't used to life giving him chances like this in his personal life. Could he really afford to squander this one?

The only answer that came to mind was...no. He had to take this chance, had to try and if he failed, he failed, but at least he could say he'd given it his best. Although with Donna at his side, he didn't think failure was much of an option.

Leaning back in the chair, Josh smiled and he felt like a weight was rising off his shoulders. Now that the decision was made he could start planning, start doing.

He was terrified and excited all at the same time and he couldn't wait to tell Donna.

**********  
At first, Donna wasn't sure what woke her. It wasn't like something loud had snapped her awake or that she'd had some kind of dream or nightmare that had thrown her into wakefulness. It was more like she'd slowly surfaced, her senses alerting her that something was different.

So as she laid there with her eyes closed, she tried to figure out exactly what it was. It didn't take her long.

She supposed part of her should have been startled or at least momentarily frightened that someone was sitting in a chair near her bed watching her, but it didn't. That was due solely to the fact that she knew immediately it was Josh.

Carefully opening her eyes partway, she didn't think he knew that she was aware of him. 

But even in the dark and silhouetted in the moonlight coming through the sheer drapes at his back, she knew it was Josh. His curly, unruly hair, the set of his posture, and the way he was resting his head slightly sideways on his propped up hand, all told her it was him. And then there was his breathing. 

After Rosslyn, she'd gotten to know his breathing in all its many stages. She'd spent long days and even longer nights in the hospital and at his apartment just listening to him breathe and praying one breath would always be followed by another. 

Even now, she could tell it was him just from the rhythm of his breathing. What's more, she could tell he was awake and not asleep in the chair near her bed.

What she didn't know...was why.

All she could think of was that his mind was still on the question of what to do about the kids.

She loved that he was giving it so much thought. In her experience, Josh was often so focused on the present that he rushed blindly ahead in his personal life. It was both one of his greatest weaknesses and his greatest strengths. In this case, though, she was glad to see he was coming down on the more cautious side.

She almost made some kind of move or motion to let him know she was awake in case he wanted to talk, but she remained still. She figured he would have said something to wake her if talking was what he wanted. There was also the fact that it was rare she was able to watch him being so quiet that she decided to enjoy the moment while she could.

Reflecting back on the day they'd had, she found it to be a day...and an evening of surprisingly small but significant moments.

First was the experience with the kids. That was something she'd never forget. She hadn't been lying when she told Josh it had awakened her biological clock with a vengeance. It was easy to ignore the fact that she was in her early thirties, not married and didn't have any children when she was working fourteen hour days at the White House. But being here, alone with Josh, and holding that little girl, it had suddenly become extremely difficult.

Then there was the way Josh had confided in her during this entire trip. The way he'd looked to her for her support and her opinion had made her feel so valued.

On the other hand, there had been a couple of mystifying moments. Most notably, there had been one point where she could have sworn that he was going to kiss her. He'd been looking at her and she remembered feeling like she'd lost the ability to breathe and her heart had started beating hard and fast.

But then he had turned away and she knew it had to be her hormones and her overactive imagination, combined with her under active sex life.

Despite the fact that her feelings ran deep for Josh and she knew he had a great deal of affection for her, she was all but convinced that it didn't go beyond that for him. Oh, there were looks and banter and moments between them, but she was sure he would have given her some other sign if he wanted things to go in a new direction.

Of course, there was also the fact that they worked at the White House and questions of impropriety stood squarely between them.

Because she was a masochist, she'd already imagined what would happen if she was to ever tell him the truth about just how she felt about him. She'd say the words and like a slippery slope, his expression would go from stunned to pitying in the space of a few heartbeats. 

The moment would get awkward and he'd make some comment about how she didn't really feel that way, and everything she was saying went back to her need to be forever coupled up. And who knows, maybe he'd be right. 

The thing was...he was the only one she wanted to be coupled up with.

Right now, despite all that she'd just analyzed and justified, she wanted nothing more than to have him get out of that chair, slide into bed with her and make love to her. She's spent so much time imaging what it would feel to love him and to be loved by him...she wanted to experience it for real. The need was so bad it was like a physical ache inside her. 

But there they were...doing what they always did. Carefully staying in their respective places.

Him, sitting in the chair, probably feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders and watching her and hoping she wasn't going to wake up and see him. Her, lying in bed watching him and acting like she was asleep, while pretending that she wasn't in love with him.

**********

Eventually, Josh went back to his room and Donna went back to sleep, without one word being spoken between them. 

The next time Donna surfaced, she woke to the sound of Josh moving around in his room and the smell of breakfast. Glancing at the bedside clock, she saw it was a little after eight. Wow, she hadn't slept in that late since...okay, so she couldn't remember the last time she'd slept in that late.

Slipping out of bed, she shuffled into the bathroom to empty her full bladder. Then she washed her face, gave her teeth a quick brush and pulled her hair back into a loose bun. Satisfied that she didn't look too terrible or exposed in her flannel pajama pants and thermal shirt, she went through the half-open adjoining door and stepped into Josh's room. He was sitting at the table where they'd had dinner the night before reading the paper.

"Hey," she said neutrally, unsure of what his mood would be.

Josh grinned before taking a sip of fresh coffee. "Hey, sleepy head. I was going to come roust you a while ago but I figured I'd be a nice guy and let you sleep."

"Thanks," she said giving him a smile back.

"I ordered us some breakfast," he told her indicating the big spread laid out on the table: scrambled eggs, hash browns, turkey bacon, fresh melon, coffee, and croissants with butter and jam or honey. "Sit down and eat," he told her.

She looked at him with mock suspicion. "Okay, who are you and what have you done with Josh Lyman?"

He blinked at her in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Josh, you never eat breakfast," she reminded him. "Well, besides coffee and maybe a bagel, that is."

He shrugged. "So maybe I wanted something more this morning. Is that such a crime?" he asked with an odd twinkle in his eye.

"No, of course not."

"Then have a seat and enjoy it while you can," he prompted as he went back to reading the paper.

Normally Donna wasn't one for eating much breakfast either. Coffee and toast and maybe a yogurt generally suited her just fine. But obviously Josh had gone to a lot of trouble...plus it smelled great, so she sank down into the empty chair across from him.

"You look well rested," she said casually as she started to fill her plate.

"Oh, um...yeah," he fumbled slightly as he lowered the newspaper to look at her. "Slept like a rock. How about you?"

If she hadn't been listening closely, she would have missed the slightly curious tone in his voice. He was clearly trying to find out if she knew about his visit to her room. For half a second she thought about trying to make some comment to get him to admit he'd been roaming around her room in the middle of the night. But, she realized, if she did that she'd have to admit she'd been awake too.

"I slept just fine," she said casually.

"Good," he replied sounding relieved as he focused back on the newspaper. 

Donna took a bite of her eggs, which were really rather good, but she kept catching him sneaking glances at her over the top of the newspaper. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore.

"Okay, Josh, what's going on?" she demanded pausing in the middle of buttering her croissant to put her knife down on the edge of the plate with a rather loud 'clang.'

He lowered the paper and for a moment he looked like he was going to argue with her, then he grinned. "Okay, sorry. I was going to give you a little time to eat first, but you know I'm no good at waiting." 

"That's quite the newsflash there, Joshua," she teased. "Now what's going on? Did something happen at home that I should know about?"

"No, everything's fine in D.C., but there is something you should know..." He let out a breath as if he was suddenly nervous. "I've made a decision." 

"About the kids?" she asked cautiously.

"No, about whether or not I like paper or plastic grocery sacks," he snarked. "Yes! Of course about the kids!"

"Well...don't keep me in suspense!" she cried with rising excitement. "What did you decide?"

He looked at her squarely. "I've decided to go with your plan and take them over the holidays. After that, we'll see how things go."

Donna didn't remember having any conscious thought about getting out of her chair, but in a heartbeat she was up, had skirted the table and had bent over to throw her arms around him in a fierce hug.

"Oh, Josh. I'm so glad!" she said.

"Yeah," he said hugging her back. "Thanks for talking everything through with me last night."

The mention of last night brought Josh's nocturnal wanderings back to her and suddenly she realized she was hugging him. 

God, he smelled good. He must have taken another shower before she'd woken up that morning.

"Oh, um, you're welcome," she said trying not to feel awkward. Pulling her arms away, she stood up and started to go back to her chair, but Josh's hand grabbed hers before she got very far.

"Wait..." he said with a quiet firmness as he pulled her closer.

She didn't resist his pull and didn't try to take her hand away as she looked down at him. "What?"

"There's only one way I can make this work and that's if you help me," he said honestly. "I'm going to be hopeless, so you'll have to show me how not to make an ass of myself."

She grinned down at him. "Well, I'm not sure I can do much about the ass part, but of course I'll help you."

His expression remained serious. "Donna, seriously, I need you," he said giving her hand a squeeze. "If you have any reservations or it's more responsibility than you want to take on, I want you to be honest and say so now. I promise I won't hold it against you." 

Something in Donna quite simply melted into a pool of warmth. He was ASKING her, not telling her. Not taking for granted that she would just follow whatever edict he gave her.

Kneeling down, she lightly brushed at a stray curl near his ear. "Thank you for giving me an out, Josh...but I think you're stuck with me." 

He brightened immediately. "Okay, but I'm going to need a LOT of help," he cautioned. 

"What else is new?" she teased as she stood up. "Don't worry, I have faith in you, Josh. You're a fast learner."

"Yeah? Ya think?" He grinned a little too smugly. 

Donna rolled her eyes. "Don't let it go to your head, Josh. You don't even have the kids yet."

Gently, she tried to pull her hand free but Josh held it firm. "Donna..."

She turned back to him. "Hmmm?"

"I'm glad you came with me," he said quietly. "Thank you."

Her throat closed up for a moment and she had to force herself not to tear up. Somehow, she didn't think he'd appreciate her getting all emotional. "You're welcome," she managed.

Another in a series of long moments passed between them as they stared at each other. Then Josh dropped her hand. "Now go sit and eat your breakfast before it gets completely cold, we've got a lot to do today."

Donna sat back down in her chair and grinned as she finished buttering her croissant. "Okay, but you know the first thing you need to do, don't you?"

He grimaced. "Do I have to?"

"Yes, you do."

Leaning back in his chair, Josh sighed and pulled out his cell phone. "Okay, okay," he said staring at the phone and dreading what he had to do. "I don't suppose you'd do it for me?"

Donna took a bite. "Not a chance in hell."

"Thanks a lot." 

Hitting the right speed dial button, he placed the call. He was dismayed to find that his call was answered on the second ring. "Hey, it's Josh. Is she there?"

"Yeah, just a second."

He waited a moment for her to come on the line. "Hey, mi amour," CJ answered. "How are things in New York?"

He could hear the distraction in her voice and he guessed she was getting ready for her next press briefing. "Um...New York is fine."

"Leo said you guys stayed over last night. Everything okay?"

"Yeah, um, CJ...about New York..."

"What?" she prompted.

"Something's happened..."

There was a big pause on CJ end of the line. "Josh..." she said now with a warning in her voice. Clearly, he now had her full and complete attention. "...what did you do?"

"Nothing yet, but...well, here's the thing..." he began.

"You're sharing a room with Donna, aren't you?" CJ guessed.

Josh blinked in surprise. "What...?"

"You're calling me because you're about to do something inappropriate with your assistant, right?"

Josh was never more thankful in his life that he hadn't put his cell phone on speaker. "No! Of course not!" he screeched in a high, squeaky voice. His eyes flashed to where Donna was eating a piece of cantaloupe with a slightly bemused and questioning look on her face. He made an effort to bring his voice down to a more normal level. "What the hell gave you that idea?"

There was another big pause on the end, as if CJ realized she'd been caught and was trying to think of a way out. "I was just teasing, mi amour. What? Can't you take a joke?"

Josh frowned. "CJ, what the hell?"

"Okay, so being in the Big Apple hasn't done much for your sense of humor," she shot back. "Now, why did you call me?"

Josh continued to frown, but he started to explain. "You know those kids that I told you guys about?"

"Right, the newly discovered niece and nephew," CJ clarified. "Is there a problem?"

"Not exactly," he hedged.

"Josh...? What is it?" 

"You know how you're always telling us that you need to be our first call when we do something stupid?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, this call is kind of a pre-emptive strike."

"Josh..." she warned. "What are you planning on doing?"

"I'm going to become an emergency foster parent," he blurted. "The kids are going to live with me for the next six to eight weeks." His announcement was met with silence and he wondered if they'd been cut off. "CJ?" 

Suddenly the sound of laughter filled the phone.

"Good one Josh," CJ said when she'd caught her breath, but she still couldn't get all the laughter out of her voice. "You really had me going. What...did you plan this one with Sam and Toby?"

Josh was baffled, not to mention a little annoyed by her reaction. "Plan what?"

"This joke. You have to be joking."

Now he felt himself just getting mad. "No. Why would I joke about such a thing?"

Her laughter died quickly. "You're not kidding?"

"No! Of course, not."

"Josh, what the hell are you thinking?!" she yelled. 

"I'm thinking I could give these kids a home...at least temporarily."

"Josh, there's no way you're equipped to deal with taking care of two kids," she pointed out.

He glanced at Donna. "I'm a fast learner, CJ. Besides Donna's going to help me."

CJ went quiet for a minute. "What did you say?"

"I said I'm a fast..."

"No, no, the other part," she interrupted.

"Oh, Donna's going to help me," he repeated.

"Does Donna know that?"

"Yeah, she's sitting right here," he told her. 

"Josh, I think this is a really bad idea," she said with quiet seriousness.

He was surprised by her comment. He knew he wouldn't get a Father or Foster Parent of the Year award, but she seemed awfully negative about the idea. "Why?"

"You want me to list the reasons alphabetically or by their potential to blow up in your face?"

It never occurred to him that CJ might not have been only talking about the kids. "You're overreacting, CJ. It's really okay. We've been talking about it over breakfast."

Another pause. "It's awfully quiet. Are you having breakfast in a restaurant?"

Josh frowned. "No, we're in my room. What does that have to do with anything?"

"You're having breakfast in your hotel room?" CJ asked carefully. "Josh, you're sure there's nothing else you want to tell me?"

"Like what?" Josh demanded.

He heard CJ sigh rather loudly. "Nothing, forget I mentioned it," she said. "I appreciate the call about the kids, I'll take care of anything that might come up with the Press." 

"Okay, thanks CJ," he said, relieved that the interrogation was over.

"No problem, Josh," she said. "Just doing my job."

Hanging up the phone, Josh felt a sense of relief now that his call to CJ was done. "Well, I'm sure glad that's over with," he told Donna as he laid the phone down on the table and reached for the paper.

"Ah, ah, ah...you're not done yet," she said simply as she finished her melon and took a bite of her croissant.

Josh frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You have two more calls to make."

His frown deepened. "Who?"

"Think about it," she said starting on her eggs.

It took him a second but then he realized who she meant and his earlier nervousness at calling CJ returned with a vengeance. "Oh, yeah, well, I'll do those later," he said picking up the paper with the intention of hiding behind it.

"Josh," she admonished with a note of warning.

Knowing he'd be fighting a loosing battle, he dropped the paper in his lap. "Awww, Donna, why can't I do those later?"

"Because the longer you wait, the harder it's going to be," she said taking a sip of her coffee. "Besides, you're going to be a foster parent now, so it's time you got used to doing difficult things you don't want to do."

"I suppose it's too late to change my mind about the foster parent thing," he commented.

Knowing he was kidding, she gave him a half smile. "Afraid so."

He let out a long sigh. "Oh, all right," he grumbled as he picked up his phone and flicked it open. Because it would be harder of the two calls, he'd start with his mother and then call and update Leo. "I guess I'd better get it over with."

**********  
Chapter 7

Looking up from his newspaper, Josh glanced at his watch and then looked toward the women's bathroom where Donna had taken Hannah a few minutes earlier. They would need to head for the train shortly or they'd be late.

Finding four seats together on a flight back to DC on such short notice had been difficult, so Donna had cashed in their two airline tickets and purchased four reserved business class train tickets instead. The trip from New York to DC would only take about three hours and they figured it would give the four of them a chance to get to know each other before they got back to DC. 

Josh was glad to see that even taking Hannah's subdued and muted manner into account, both kids seemed to be excited to be riding on the train. He looked down at Jake, who was sitting beside him on the bench while they waited for Donna and Hannah. He was avidly reading the book on trains they'd bought him at one of the newsstands in Penn Station. The kid seemed to be a voracious reader, which impressed Josh to no end. 

Now if he could just think of something to talk to him about. Up until now there hadn't been much time to talk about anything. Donna had taken the lead in dealing with the kids so far, so it hadn't been an issue, but he was going to need to talk to Jake sometime. What were eight year olds interested in?

A flash of blonde movement caught his eye and he turned and saw that Donna and Hannah had finally emerged from the restroom. He noted that they really did look natural together as they walked hand-in-hand. With her coloring, Hannah could easily be mistaken for Donna's natural daughter. 

The extra time they'd been in the bathroom had apparently been well spent. Unlike anyone at the foster care home, Donna had obviously taken the time to fix Hannah's hair, brushing it into two small ponytails, one just above each ear. The tails bounced as she walked and the effect was really adorable. Donna had also removed the dirty smudge that they'd seen on Hannah's cheek the day before and had still been there this morning. Although, she still hadn't said so much as a word to either of them, Josh could definitely see there was now a happy little twinkle in Hannah's eye. She clearly adored Donna.

Of course, who didn't adore Donna?

Still...as cute as she was, Hannah was the real enigma to him. At least Jake was a boy and Josh at least had a chance of relating to him. He would probably like sports or other 'guy' stuff. But in addition to Hannah being a child and having clear emotional issues, she was a girl and he didn't seem to have the best record when it came to relating to females...of any age. He just hoped that he got better at it fast.

He rose from the bench as they walked up. "Ready?" he asked.

Donna smiled down at Hannah. "Yep, we're ready to go, aren't we, Hannah?"

Hannah didn't say anything, in fact she didn't even nod, but she did give Donna a smile.

Donna looked back at Josh. "That means, yes."

Josh nodded with a grin. "Good to know. You ready too, Jake?"

Jake closed the book and stood up. "Yeah, I'm ready."

"Do you want me to carry that suitcase for you?" Josh asked him, referring to the pitifully small piece of luggage that contained, for all intents and purposes, all of Jake and Hannah's belongings. 

"No, I got it," Jake said protectively as he shoved the book into the outside pocket and picked up the suitcase from where it was sitting on the floor.

Despite the relative small size of the suitcase, it was still quite a handful for the 8-year old to manage. It wasn't even a wheeled suitcase like the his and Donna’s. For a moment, Josh considered insisting he take the bag for Jake, but he had the feeling that not only was Jake being naturally protective of the few possessions they still had, but he wanted to show that he was strong and could do his part.

"Come on, the platform is this way," Josh said picking up the suitcase he and Donna were sharing as they started out. Since it was wheeled, he could have used the handle to pull it, but he thought it would be a little unfair since Jake had to carry his.

Unconsciously, Josh and Donna kept the kids between them as they made their way to the platform.

"So are you sure about taking the train?" Josh only half joked. "You know how things turned out the last time we took the train."

Donna rolled her eyes at his reference to the time she, Josh and Toby were stuck in Indiana and took a train going the opposite direction from where they needed to go.

"Josh, we were in rural Indiana, took that train on the fly and we were following the directions of a 17-year old kid, I think this time we can manage to get ourselves from New York to Washington D.C." She pointed out as they reached the right platform. "It helps that there are great big signs telling us where the train is going."

The train had already pulled into the station but they weren’t letting people on yet so each of them held one of the kids' hands and they made sure they stayed back out of the way.

"Okay, but if we wind up in Maine, I'm going to blame you," Josh told her.

"We won't wind up in Maine," she said in mild annoyance. “Besides, look at it this way, I’m saving you money. These four reserved business class tickets on the train were cheaper than our two plane tickets.”

Neither of them noticed the kids watching them as they bantered, their little heads going back and forth like they were watching a tennis match.

“I can’t argue with you there,” Josh conceded.

“There’s a novel idea,” she snarked back at him. “It’s not like we had much choice anyway. We couldn’t find four seats together on a plane until tomorrow and there’s no way I’m getting in a car with you for the drive back, so unless you want to hitchhike back to DC...”

Josh could have been annoyed, but instead he chuckled. “Remind me to ‘not argue’ with you more, you’re very entertaining when you’re arguing with yourself. Plus it takes all of the work and aggravation out of it for me.”

Donna huffed out a breath. “I’m just saying.”

"Ah-kay,” he said grinning at her annoyance. Glancing down, he remembered that they weren’t alone and maybe it would be a good idea if he tried to include them, or under the circumstances Jake, in the conversation. “So, um, Jake, have you ever ridden on a train before?”

“No,” he said.

“Are you glad we’re taking the train instead of flying on a plane?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t flown on a plane either,” Jake told him with a little shrug. “Hannah hasn’t either.”

That surprised Josh. From what he’d been able to gather, his ‘brother’ Jason and his wife Cathy had been fairly well traveled. Josh wondered if they were the type that didn’t like to travel with their children. 

“Well, I guess...maybe...we’ll have to get you two on a plane one of these days so you can tell me which one you like better,” he told Jake.

“Really?” Jake asked with the first hint of excitement Josh had seen since he and Donna had made a reappearance at the house that morning. “You’d really take us on a plane?”

Josh was glad to see Jake perk up. Although Hannah’s problems were the most obvious, Jake had been a bit quieter than he’d expected. He always answered when anyone asked him a question, but he didn’t do anything to start a conversation or even make random comments like Josh figured kids would be prone to do.

“Sure, why not?” Josh said with a smile. He wondered if there was any way he could get the kids a ride on Air Force One. He imaged they’d really get a kick out of that.

It wasn’t long after that the conductor started loading passengers and the four of them got on board. Their seats were reserved in business class so it took them a few minutes to find them and get settled. They were across the aisle from each other and Josh and Donna sat in the aisle seats with the kids near the windows.

Josh silently remarked that to anyone who didn't know them, they looked like any other family in the world. It was an odd feeling to him, but not an unpleasant one. As he stowed their luggage, he pulled out the train book for Jake and a newspaper for himself. Donna pulled a couple of kids books she’d picked up at the newsstand out of her bag to read to Hannah a little later on.

A heavy silence fell over the four of them as they waited for the train to start moving so Josh tried to make some small talk. "So, um, Jake, what kinds of things do you and Hannah like?" The question sounded a little lame to his ears, but it was the first thing he thought of. 

Jake looked up at him with an odd look on his face as if he was surprised by the question. Josh wouldn't be surprised if he was the first one to care enough or taken the time to ask since a question like that since their parents had died.

“Hannah and I like hamburgers,” he began.

“Hamburgers are good,” Josh replied. “I like mine well done.”

“There’s an understatement,” Donna added.

“Me too and I love chocolate cake,” Jake said next. “Hannah likes white cake or any cake with strawberries on it.” 

“Oh...so Hannah likes strawberries,” Josh said as he tried to include Hannah on the conversation. Looking over at Hannah he saw her peeking out from behind Donna as she watched them with an avid interest.

“Yeah, but she can’t have raspberries.”

“Why not?” Donna asked.

“She’ll get sick,” he explained. “She has to go to the hospital when she eats raspberries or anything with raspberries.”

“You mean she’s allergic?” Josh asked him with a frown. He made a mental note to thoroughly read the files and information the ACS had given him on the children’s medical background.

“I guess. I just know they make her really sick and they have to give her a shot,” he shuddered slightly. Clearly, he was not a fan of shots.

“What else do you guys like?” Josh prompted, hoping to keep the fragile dialog going.

“I like to play games.”

“What kind of games?”

“Checkers, cards, video games....all Hannah ever wants to play is dolls and tea party.” He rolled his eyes as if he thought it was the dumbest past time ever.

“Oh...well, dolls and tea party sound...nice too,” Josh said giving Hannah a smile even though he’d rather face another lecture on National Parks from the President than be subjected to a kid's tea party. Luckily for him, Hannah apparently couldn’t read minds and seeing his smile, she let out a little giggle as she snuggled closer to Donna. 

The train began moving and Donna felt her heart take a lurch along with it. When he turned on the charm, Josh could have just about anyone eating out of his hand, even two little kids...as it turned out, especially two little kids.

And her, of course.

“I like to build things,” Jake went on. “and Hannah likes to color and draw.”

Josh nodded. “Good. So what about sports?” 

"I like baseball.”

“Me too,” Josh said with a grin. Just as he suspected, this could be something they could have in common. “What’s your favorite team?”

“New York.”

Josh felt his stomach drop a little. The kid was probably a Yankees fan. “The Mets or the Yankees?” he asked carefully.

“Duh,” Jake replied sarcastically. “The Mets, of course. The Yankees suck.”

Josh nearly hugged him. He’d finally have an ally against Toby and the Yankees. Sam, being from California, was a Dodger fan and therefore had been no help.

“Yeah, I agree with you there,” Josh said with a chuckle.

“Back at my old house, I have a baseball card collection me and my dad made.”

Josh enjoyed seeing the young boy continue to be so animated. “What’s your favorite card?”

“The Mike Piazza rookie card when he played for the Dodgers.”

“You’ve got a Mike Piazza rookie card?” Josh asked clearly impressed. A Mike Piazza rookie card could easily go for $30 or more and it was a card that would only do better the longer Piazza played.

“Yeah, my dad bought it a couple of years ago,” Jake told him.

“Can you believe he got traded to San Diego?! I mean are the Mets crazy or something?” 

“I know!” Jake said with more animation than they’d seen from him all day. “They’re so stupid!”

Donna rolled her eyes and looked down at Hannah. “Boys, all they can talk about is sports.” Hannah gave her a full on grin, showing a deep dimple in her right cheek. Donna thought she looked completely adorable, but her next comment was directed at Jake. “Hey, Jake, you’ll never believe this, but Josh actually met Mike Piazza once.”

A look of complete awe and admiration came over Jake’s face as he looked at Josh. “You did?”

“Yeah, I went to spring training a couple years ago in Florida. I even got him to autograph a ball and bat for me.”

Donna couldn’t help but grin. “And he called Josh 'dude'.”

Josh sent her a somewhat dirty look, but Jake was apparently even more impressed. “He did?”

“Oh, yeah,” Josh said. If his chest was sticking out any farther it would have come flying off.

“Cool,” Jake said as if Josh had once cured cancer or discovered fire.

“Do you just like to watch baseball or do you play too?” Josh asked him.

“I was in little league last summer.”

“What position?”

“Short stop,” he answered. “I was hoping to play first base this year, but now...” his voice trailed off as most of the animation left his eyes and his shoulders slumped a bit. 

Josh found himself hurting for this little boy...for both these kids whose world had been so rudely pulled out from under them. He also wanted to do something to try and bring back Jake’s earlier interest in their conversation.

“Well, ah...Jake, you never know how things will turn out.” As an opening line in a pep talk it left a lot to be desired, but Josh had to start somewhere. “I bet you’ll be playing first base this summer, just like you wanted.”

Jake looked up at him, hope a dim, but still burning ember in his eyes. “You really think so?”

Josh gave him an encouraging smile. “Yeah, I do.”

Jake stared at him for a moment as if he were trying to figure something out. “Would it be okay if I read my book for a while?” he finally said.

“Sure thing,” Josh said. So much for conversation with Jake. “Um, if you need anything you just let us know, okay?”

With a nod, Jake pulled the book out from between them and settled down to read. Josh took out his newspaper and started to do the same, while Donna and Hannah looked out the window at the scenery rushing by. 

Eventually, Jake's head began to bob low over his book and laying it aside, he leaned his head against Josh's arm. A few minutes later, he was completely asleep. Glancing over to Donna, Josh saw that Hannah was already way ahead of her big brother. She was laying with her head in Donna's lap, sound asleep.

"I guess they were tired," Josh commented to Donna quietly.

“Well, they have had a big day,” Donna said. 

“They were pretty surprised to see us at the house this morning, weren’t they?” 

Donna smiled. “Yeah, they were, although I have to say, Karen at the ACS office was the one who was the most surprised by our idea.”

Josh chuckled. “She was at that. I’m just glad you were right about them letting me take the kids and she was able to straighten out all the paperwork on such short notice.”

Donna was quiet for a moment. “It was nice of you to take them to see their grandmother.”

Josh looked at her for a moment. “Well, I knew she was missing them and I figured they’d be feeling the same way,” he told her softly. “With her illness, who knows if or when they’ll be able to see her again.” 

“Well, from what she told us, they’ll have to come claim the rest of their belongings as soon as Jason Whitehall’s estate is settled. Maybe the kids can visit her then.”

“Yeah, whenever that will be. With all his debt and his business interests, settling the estate won’t be a quick process,” Josh said letting out a breath. ”I just hope they don’t have to come back for her funeral first.”

That hung in the air between them for a moment. “Well, in any case, you made an old woman very happy today,” Donna told him with a soft smile. “I think you’re her hero.”

Although he knew her praise was heartfelt, it made him a little embarrassed. “Yeah, well, after talking to her yesterday, I guess she wasn’t the monster I had it in my head she was." He picked lightly at the fabric on the armrest. "I thought letting her see them and vice versa was the least I could do.” 

"You're a good man, Josh," she said quietly. 

"Well, I don't know about that," he said with a little chuckle to try and lighten the moment.

"I do," she said, not letting him get away with it, even though something inside her said she was crossing one of those ever present lines drawn between them.

Josh stared at her and for a minute he forgot how to breathe. Something inside him tripped over itself. The moment was coming perilously close to things that they never let themselves talk about.

Donna sensed she was making him uncomfortable so she tried to redirect the conversation. “I'm also glad she said she would help with the DNA testing any way she could,” Donna remarked. 

Josh had suggested and Karen agreed that while he had custody of the children, he would see to it that a DNA sample would be taken from the three of them so that the DNA link could be confirmed. When they’d told Gloria Whitehall of their intentions she said she’d be more than willing to have samples from herself and, as the executor of his estate, from Jason Whitehall’s body that were taken at his autopsy sent to any lab Josh designated for the testing. 

The air started moving in his lungs again. "Ah, um, yeah, with her help, we should be able to find out once and for all if she’s right and Jason Whitehall and the kids are related to me.” 

Donna nodded. “Don’t forget, you need to call Mike Casper when we get back to D.C. and have him recommend a lab where you can have the DNA testing done.”

“Right. I’ll do it as soon as we get in,” he promised, relieved that things were getting back on a more even keel between them again.

“Is Sam still picking us up at Union Station?”

“Yeah, our train is supposed to get in about 5:45 so I told him we’d meet him at the entrance to the parking area about 6:00.” 

"I hope he's bringing a car big enough for all of us," Donna told him. "His two door BMW isn't going to cut it."

"He promised he would bring something big enough," Josh replied. "We'll rent a mini van or something tomorrow."

“Why?” she asked with a frown. “We’ve both got cars. Why don’t we just use them?”

“I figured we’d want something easier and roomier to haul the kids around in. Aren’t you always telling me that kids have a lot of stuff?”

“Well, yes, but...since when did you start listening to me?”

“I listen,” he insisted with a smirk. He enjoyed seeing her a little off balance for a change. “Look, my car is only a two door and getting the kids in and out of the backseat will be a pain and your car is older than mud and I rather not have you breaking down by the side of the road with two little kids.”

She could hardly fault his logic. Although she wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of hearing her say it, her car was old and it had broken down twice in the last year. She’d love to get a new one but hers was paid off and being a girl on budget, she just didn’t have the money to spare for a new car payment.

“I guess you have...a minor point,” she conceded a bit petulantly.

“It’s big of you to admit that, Donnatella,” Josh said grinning at her reply. He looked at the kids again, both of whom were still sleeping soundly. “Do you think they’ll sleep all the way to D.C.?”

“Maybe, but we probably shouldn’t let them sleep that long,” Donna told him.

“Why not?”

“Because if they sleep too much today then they’ll never go to sleep tonight, especially Jake since he’s sort of past the nap stage. It will be hard enough getting them to go to sleep in a new place.”

“You really think so?” He hadn’t considered that.

“Yes, I do.” She looked at her watch. “We’ve got another hour and a half before we get in. If they aren’t up in the next hour, I’ll wake them.”

“Okay,” he said, deferring to her judgment.

“In the mean time,” she said carefully lowering the tray table so she didn’t wake Hannah. “I think it’s time we started to get organized.”

Josh frowned. “What’s there to be organized about? We’ve already got the kids.”

Donna rolled her eyes. “There’s a ton left to do, Josh,” she said as she pulled a pad and pencil out of her bag. “Your apartment has zero kid factor. You don’t even have an extra bed in your guest room for them to sleep on.”

“Oh, right, I forgot about beds.”

“In fact, with all the crap you’ve got in there, you don’t even have room for ONE bed, much less two.”

”Where are we going to get beds at 6 pm on a week night in DC?” he asked.

“I don’t know but I’ll be a girl on a mission, so I’m sure I’ll find somewhere.”

“Even if you do, they won’t deliver the beds tonight,” he predicted.

Donna shrugged. “If they won't then, I'll improvise.”

Josh was dubious at best. “Improvise as in what?”

She rolled her eyes. “If I knew that, I wouldn’t be improvising, would I?”

He couldn't help but chuckle at that. "Well, I guess if worst comes to worst, the kids can share my bed and I can sleep on the couch."

"There, you see, we're improvising already," Donna said smugly.

Josh had a somewhat bone chilling thought. “While you’re out shopping for beds, I don’t suppose you were planning to take the kids along with you?”

She grinned at him winningly. “Nope, they’ll be at home with you.”

“But...but Donna,” he sputtered. “Do you think that’s the best idea?”

“Josh, I can’t be with the three of you every minute of the day and night...”

“Why not?” he said, trying not to panic. What was he going to do with two kids without her there? Especially Hannah who clearly had communication issues.

“You mean besides the fact that I have my own apartment to go home to at night?” she pointed out.

Almost automatically, he opened his mouth to ask her to move in with him during the duration of the children’s stay, but his better judgment reigned in his mouth and he closed it again. That was a line...a big one and he just didn’t see how they could cross it. 

“Oh, right. I forgot about that,” he said. This could be bad. He really hadn’t stopped to think about the fact that unlike at the hotel, Donna wouldn’t be right in the next room at night. He’d be alone with kids for a long stretch at night. "But what am I going to do with them while you're out shopping tonight?"

"Watch a video with them, read them a book, teach them how to mock Republicans, I don't know, Josh, use your imagination."

He was still scared, but he could see he wasn't going to get much sympathy from her at the moment. "I guess I could do that."

Unaware of his internal ramblings, Donna pressed on. “Since you’re going to have to take care of the kids by yourself on a regular basis, tonight while I’m shopping for beds would be as good a chance as any for you guys to get used to each other,” she told him. “Oh, and you and I had better take tomorrow off from work.”

“What? Why? I can’t take tomorrow off,” he told her. “I’ve got staff in the morning, then I’ve got Sanders coming over to talk about HR 320 and even though Angela is still handling a lot of my legislative portfolio, you know that being gone for two days has put me way behind.”

Donna sighed, she knew that sooner or later the everyday stuff was going to fall on her shoulders. Josh was just too busy to take care of those kind of things. “Fine, then ‘I’ need to take tomorrow off.”

“Why? Tomorrow is Friday, but I’m going to need your help at work,” he told her.

“Nice of you to finally notice you need me,” she teased, then she let out a breath. “Josh, there are a ton of errands and shopping that need to be done and the kids need to get settled. They can’t do any of that on their own. I’ve got to get them registered for school so they can start on Monday like we told the ACS we would do. Oh, and sometime between now and tomorrow morning you’ll need to sign the papers the ACS gave you to grant me limited custodial powers to act in your place so I can do that.”

“I'll sign them,” he promised, feeling a little like he was caught in a tornado.

“The kids are going to need some new, warm clothes and outwear, toiletries, school supplies, and, as you so helpfully pointed out a few minutes ago, I’m going to need to rent a car for us. Oh!” she said as she scribbled something on her pad.

“What?”

“I’m going to have to buy some kind of a car seat for Hannah. “I’ll check the DC vehicle laws, but I think that Jake is old enough to just use a seat belt, but at the very least, Hannah’s going to need a child booster seat."

Wow, Josh thought, she hadn't been kidding when she said kids did needed a lot of stuff.

“Just put everything on the card I gave you," he said referring to the credit card he'd gotten her on his account the year before. She did so many things for him, including errands, it had been easier just to have it all show up on one account billing.

"I intended to," she told him with a grin. "Good thing it's a platinum card."

"Just don't send me into bankruptcy court," he teased.

"Now let's see..." she said reviewing her list and thinking over what she might be missing. "We're going to need groceries...and bedding for the new beds..."

As she continued making lists and getting organized, Josh couldn't help but admit that Donna seemed to be made for this kind of thing. She'd make an excellent mother...or in this case, aunt to these kids.

That came as no surprise to him, though.

Of course, he reflected as the train streaked across the countryside on its way to D.C., for her to really be their aunt they'd have to be mar... 

Well, maybe some things were better left unexplored.

**********  
Chapter 8

Five hours later, Donna trudged up the stairs to Josh's apartment with her hands full of bags. She was, to put it simply, exhausted.

Their train had gotten into D.C. on time and Sam had picked them up right on schedule. He'd wrangled a Suburban out of someone so they had plenty of room, but he only had the use of it for the evening. After dropping them off at Josh's condo, he'd left to return it. Because Josh had picked Donna up at her apartment in a cab on the way to the airport, she didn't have a car, so Josh had told her to use his for the errands.

Both she and the car had returned without a scratch and if she did say so herself, it had been a productive evening. She was, however, a little curious how Josh had done alone with the kids. She took it as a good sign that the building was still standing and hadn't burned or fallen down.

Fumbling with the door to Josh's apartment, Donna finally got it open and found three pairs of eyes staring at her from over the back of the couch.

“Hey, you’re back,” Josh said. Jumping up from the couch he came around to help her with the bags. “How did it go?”

“Hi guys,” she said to the kids as she handed off some of the bags to him. “It went fine. I think I got everything I could tonight.”

“What the...?” He almost said ‘what the hell did you buy’ but changed his words at Donna's pointed look. “I mean what did you buy?” he asked her. “It looks like you bought out a couple of stores.”

“A little bit of everything, including a few groceries so the three of you didn’t starve before I could get to the store tomorrow...” her voice trailed off as she saw what currently covered the top of the coffee table. “Oh, you got pizza for dinner.”

“Yeah, the kids were hungry and I didn’t know how long you’d be, so I thought of something that would be easy. Luckily both the kids like pizza, although I found out from Jake that Hannah only likes cheese pizza." He gave Hannah a grin. "So we got half cheese and half with everything.”

Donna felt her stomach rumble at the thought of food and she realized she hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast that morning. The fact that the box was empty except for some dried out crust didn’t help.

Either he heard her stomach or Josh just read her mind. “Sorry, there’s not much left,” he apologized. “I thought I was getting enough, but I guess I underestimated how hungry the kids were going to be.”

“It’s okay,” she told him with forced cheerfulness as she turned to the kids. “Did you guys get enough to eat?”

“It was good pizza,” Jake told her and then, much to her and Josh’s astonishment, Hannah nodded her agreement before she went back to watching TV. That was something that she hadn’t done since they’d first met her. A smile or a grin had been about the only substantial response she’d given them up to that point.

Her feet rooted to the floor, Donna glanced at Josh and then back at the kids. They were both sitting on the couch like two perfect angels, watching what Donna saw was “The Princess Bride” with rapt attention. Josh had fed them and apparently kept them out of trouble and now Hannah had even nodded, which, for Hannah, was huge. 

On the one hand, it gave her hope that Hannah might be okay and that Josh would be okay with them, on the other hand, it made her feel like she was pretty much extraneous. The latter hurt way more than she cared to admit.

“Good. I’m glad everyone enjoyed the pizza,” she said brightly. “Well, since it looks like everything is under control, I think I’ll just go put these groceries away and then head for home.”

‘Maybe I can get something to eat on the way home,’ she thought as she made her way into the kitchen. She missed the looks of disappointment on everyone’s faces as she left the room. 

His hands still full of the bags she’d transferred to him, Josh followed along behind her. “You know, you don’t have to go home yet,” he told her as she put the grocery bags on the counter.

Donna focused on taking the groceries out of the bags. Part of her was afraid if she looked at Josh she’d start crying for what he’d surely see as no apparent reason and she hoped to save them both from the embarrassment. Not to mention the questions her tears would raise.

“Like I said, Josh, you’ve taken care of everything. I don’t know what more I can do,” she said putting the milk away in the nearly empty refrigerator.

He dropped his bags on the floor. “But, Donna...” he began.

Taking a stab at misdirection, she continued to stare into the cavernous inside of his fridge. “I swear, Josh,” she said. “Why on earth do you have such a big expensive refrigerator? You never keep anything but beer and leftover take-out in it.”

Watching her, he frowned again. "I like cold beer," he said absently. "Besides, you picked it out, remember?"

Damn, she'd forgotten that. When his fridge had conked out the summer Josh had been recovering after Rosslyn, she'd taken care of getting a new one.

"Well..." she began searching for something to say as she went back to unpacking the groceries. "...I was hoping you might at least put one or two vegetables in it."

"You're in charge of vegetables," he said as he continued to watch her. 

"I can't be your personal grocer all the time, Joshua."

"Donna, please, couldn't you stay a little longer?" he asked hopefully.

She stared down into the almost empty grocery bag. "Nah, you don't need me. From what I've seen, you've got this kid thing down pat."

Josh stared at her in disbelief as everything clicked in his head. He'd sensed an odd vibe from her ever since she'd seen the pizza box on the table and now he realized what it was.

She REALLY thought they didn't need her...that HE didn't need her.

"You couldn't be more wrong," he said with a little chuckle at the ridiculousness of the idea.

Clearly surprised by his comment, Donna actually looked at him for the first time since they'd walked into the kitchen. "What do you mean?"

Josh leaned his hip against the counter and lowered his voice a bit as he began to count things off on his fingers. 

"Hannah cried for you for an hour after you left. Part of the reason there wasn't enough pizza for you to have a piece is that Jake dropped a plate with two pieces on it. Not only did it ruin those pieces, but he it left a stain on the carpet that took me an half hour to clean and he broke the plate. 'The Princess Bride' is the second movie I put in for them to watch, before that was 'Toy Story,' both of which I might add, I only had because you brought them over and made me watch them. If it wasn't for those movies, the three of us would still be doing what we did for nearly an hour after Hannah stopped crying which was sitting around looking at each other like we were aliens from different planets." 

"Really?" she said with a hopeful little catch in her voice. "You're not just saying that?"

He ran a hand over his face. "Yes, Donna, I swear," he said with something between a sigh and a laugh. "Now, will you take off your coat and stay a little longer?"

"Well...I guess so," she said with a smile as she slid her coat off and laid it on the counter.

He felt an enormous sense of relief. "Good. Oh, did you get the beds?"

"Yep," she replied as she put away the last of the groceries. "I actually got a set of bunk beds so it will save room."

"Bunk beds, huh? Sounds perfect."

"Actually, they're the type that you can use as two single beds or stack them to make bunk beds," she explained. "But just like you thought, they can't deliver them until tomorrow afternoon between three and six, so I'll have to have our errands done by then." She gave him a little pout. "I even brought the pout to change their minds, but they were impervious."

"Well, they can't all be a soft touch like me," he said, not really considering his words before he'd let them fly. When Donna's pout faded and she only stared at him with an unreadable expression, he knew he had to cover it. "Um...well, if they won't deliver them until tomorrow, I guess I'll do what I planned and have the kids sleep in my room tonight and I can sleep out on the couch."

Donna's expression softened as she smiled. "Actually, I think I've come up with something for tonight that will let you keep your bed."

"Oh? What's that?"

She walked over to the bags Josh had dropped on the floor and reached into on of the big one. "Sleeping bags," she pulled out two kid-sized sleeping bags, one with 'Spider Man' on it and one with 'Barbie' on it. "I thought the kids could have a camp out."

"A camp out?" he asked dubiously. "Did you miss the fact that it's November and about 20 degrees outside?"

Donna rolled her eyes. "Not outside, Josh, in the living room. I thought we could use some sheets and blankets to make tents and they could sleep on the floor in the sleeping bags."

Huh, he never would have thought of that. "You think they'll like that?"

"There's one way to find out." Carrying the sleeping bags back into the living room, Donna faced the kids. "Hey, guys, what do you think about having a camp out right here in the living room?"

"I like camping," Jake answered. "Me and my dad went camping a couple times." 

"Good, I even got you both your own sleeping bags," she said holding them up for the kids to see.

Jake's face brightened immediately. "Cool, Spiderman."

"I thought you might like that one," she said handing it to him. "Hannah? I got you a pink one with Barbie on it."

Hannah slid off the couch and walked over to her. She took the sleeping bag from Donna and hugged it to her chest with a huge grin on her face. Donna turned back to Josh.

"I think they like the idea."

Josh laughed and shook his head. "Yeah, I think you're right."

While the kids brushed their teeth and changed into their pajamas, Josh and Donna went about setting up the 'tents.' Using lamps, chairs and anything that stood up a bit higher, they made the tents from sheets and blankets. When they got done, the living room ended up looking a bit like a shanty town with all the different colors of blankets and sheets but underneath it was actually quite cozy and even though it was a bit shadowy, Josh had to admit it was kind of fun to sit inside.

Not that he wanted anyone else to see him doing it. If Sam, CJ and Toby knew about it, they'd probably never let him live it down. He just hoped that Donna didn't use it in the future to tease him about being an outdoorsman.

"What are we going to do about a camp fire?" Jake asked as they sat in a circle.

"Ah! I've got that all worked out," Donna said with a grin. Reaching behind her, she pulled out a bag. "Flashlights."

"Flashlights?" Josh and Jake said together.

"Yes, flashlights," she confirmed. Taking the first one out, she set a fat round flashlight on it's end in the middle of their circle and switched it on. A bright beam of light shot up from it and the inside their 'tent' was a little less shadowy. Then she reached back and turned off the single lamp they had left burning, which made the 'fire' even more pronounced.

"But that's not a real campfire," Jake pointed out.

"Sure it is, Jake, you just need to use your imagination," Donna told him as she pretended to warm her hands on the light. "And if we were really camping we'd all have our own flashlights, so I got one for each of us." She handed them each a small flashlight.

The kids both fiddled with theirs for a moment, but the novelty soon wore off. "Now what do we do?"

Donna put her best 'thinking cap' look on her face. "Well, when you and your dad went camping, what did you do when you were sitting around a campfire?"

Jake considered that. "We roasted hot dogs and marshmallows."

"Hey, that sounds like fun. Of course, we can't exactly roast anything with this fire, but I had the same idea and I did get these," she pulled out a bag of jumbo marshmallows and tore it open. "I know they're better roasted or my favorite way, in S’mores, but they're still pretty good like this."

Taking a couple from the bag, she bit into one and passed the bag so everyone could take some. The kids seemed intrigued by the idea and dug in enthusiastically.

"What are S’mores?" Jake asked around a mouthful of marshmallow.

"You've never had S’mores?" Donna asked both of them in surprise. 

Jake and Hannah shook their heads. What was even more surprising, Donna thought she saw Josh shaking his too and she had to work to keep a straight face.

"Oh, wow, you haven't lived until you've had S’mores," Donna told them. "To make S’mores you roast up some marshmallows, then you put one of the marshmallows on a graham cracker with some chocolate and then put another graham cracker on top so you wind up with a kind of chocolate and marshmallow sandwich."

"That sounds really good," Jake said as he started on another marshmallow. "Can we have those sometime?"

"I think that can be arranged," Donna said with a grin as she carefully put the marshmallow bag away. Marshmallows were largely sugar and she didn't want them to be too wired to go to sleep. "So what else did you and your dad do around a campfire?"

"Well..." Jake considered that. "...we used to tell stories."

"Stories! Yes, stories are the perfect thing to do around a campfire. So let's see, who wants to go first?"

She was doing so well with the kids, Josh wanted to be a part of it. "I'll go first," he blurted out. It was kind of a toss up as to which of them, including Josh, was the most surprised to hear him speak up first.

"Okay, Josh, go ahead."

Now that he had a chance to speak, Josh felt suddenly tongue-tied. Riding high from the White House's most recent triumph with the budget, he knew what story he would tell, but he didn't want to screw it up.

"Once upon a time there was this evil Republican named Haffley..."

"Josh..." Donna chided gently with an arched brow.

"What's a 'repuplican'?" Jake asked.

Josh grinned at Jake's mispronunciation as he glanced at Donna . "Sorry, what I meant to say was that once upon a time there was an evil...wizard, yeah, and evil wizard, named Haffley and he controlled all the riches in the kingdom. Now, the ruler of the kingdom was good King Bartlet, and the king tried and tried to get the wizard to turn over at least some of the money to the citizens of the kingdom, but as I said, Haffley was evil..."

Grinning, Donna didn't even try to correct him. 

"...and the king tried and tried but he just couldn't get the wizard to give in. It wasn't until he turned to his smartest and bravest knight, Sir Joshua, that things began to change..."

This time Donna rolled her eyes, but she had to admit that Josh was doing pretty good at entertaining the kids and she was glad that everyone seemed to be enjoying the 'camp out.'

Josh continued his thinly veiled version of what happened with Haffley and the President over the budget, and Hannah crawled into Donna's lap, where she sat to listen to Josh's tale. After he was done, Jake took his turn and told them a funny story about a boy, a tree house and a magical, invisible dog. By the time is was Donna's turn, Hannah was already asleep and Jake was looking decidedly sleepy.

Donna decided to tell a thinly veiled story of her own. She picked the one about how Sir Joshua and his friend, Sir Samuel, almost burned the King Bartlet's castle down by trying to build a fire in a fireplace. Although, she caught him rolling his eyes a few times, Josh didn't protest as she told the story. By the time she was finished, Jake was sleepy, but still awake.

"Okay, Jake, I think it's time for bed. Why don't you climb into your sleeping bag and try to get some sleep?"

Showing just how tired he was, Jake's only reply was to nod as he did what she said.

"You just had to tell the one about the fireplace, didn't you?" Josh said quietly, as he carefully lifted Hannah out of Donna's lap and tucked her into her own sleeping bag.

Donna leaned back against the couch. "I could hardly resist," she told him with a tired smile. "It's one of my favorites." 

Seeing that Jake had apparently already gone to sleep, Josh settled back into his place on the floor across from Donna and stared at her for a long moment. "You're really good with them, you know," he said keeping his voice low.

Donna was surprised and touched by his sudden praise and it took her a second to get out a reply. "Well, you weren't so bad yourself. The kids are definitely taken with you. I guess..." She meant to say 'I guess we're both going to do okay with this foster parent thing,' but her words were interrupted by a rather huge yawn. "I guess I'm more tired than I realized," she said instead.

Josh looked at his watch. "I know you were planning on going home tonight, but it's getting pretty late. Why don't you just stay here?"

"I guess you do have a point," she said with a tired little sigh. "You can't leave the kids here to take me home and I don't really feel like taking a cab home this late." 

"Then just stay here," he said.

"Okay..." she agreed. "But just for tonight."

"All right," Josh said with a nod, although he'd be lying if he said he wasn't disappointed she wouldn't be staying longer.

"I just hope CJ doesn't find out. I have a feeling she wouldn't be very happy to hear I spent the night."

"She won't find out. And hey, look at it this way, it will be easier for you anyway since you've got all the errands with kids in the morning," he told her. "Oh, that reminds me, I signed the papers you need to the kids enrolled in school."

"Good, then I shouldn't have any trouble."

They sat there a little awkwardly, until Josh let out a breath and dragged a hand through his hair. "So I guess I'll crash on the couch and you can have my room."

Donna had to keep herself from shivering. The thought of sleeping in his bed, undoubtedly smelling him on the sheets was a little too much for her. "No, no. I'll sleep out here on the couch. You've got to go into work tomorrow, so you'll need a good night's sleep."

"Are you sure?" 

"Positive," she yawned again. 

"Well, I guess I'd better head to bed then."

"Yeah, me too," Donna said as she switched off the 'campfire' and crawled up onto the couch. It occurred to her that she never had gotten anything but a marshmallow or two to eat, but by then she was more tired than hungry and figured she'd just have a bigger breakfast in the morning.

Josh stiffly crawled out from under the blankets and he moved around the darkened apartment locking up and making sure things were closed up for the night. 

"Josh?" he heard her say from the couch.

Walking over to it, he pulled back a corner of one blanket. There was just enough light coming in from outside that when he did, he found her looking up at him. "Yes?"

"Do you have another blanket?" she asked. "I can't use one of these without pulling the tent down."

"Yeah, I think I have one more." Walking into bedroom, he pulled the regular blanket off his bed and carried it back out to the living room. Before Donna could say anything, he'd spread it over her and tucked it in around her. "How's that?"

Donna found herself a little breathless after his hands, even through the blanket, had brushed over her and the scent of him on the blanket now filled her senses. "I...I'm good...thanks."

Josh watched for a very long moment and his heart began to beat a little hard and fast. "No Donna..." he said as he brushed a lock of hair back from her face. "...thank you. Thank you for being here." 

It was hard to ignore the odd, but not unpleasant tingle that rippled through her body when he'd touched her face. "There's no where else I'd rather be."

**********  
Donna settled down in the tub and sighed. The day had been long but had gone really well. She’d rented them a mini-van and got the kids enrolled at the Georgetown Day School, a Pre-K through eighth grade private school right near Josh’s brownstone. The school was academically solid and they’d decided to put the kids in private rather than public school because it would allow Hannah to be fairly close to Jake and they wouldn’t have to put her in a separate day care. The private pre-K program was also set up to handle someone with Hannah’s special needs where most pre-schools weren’t. The school didn’t usually admit students so late in the term, but under the circumstances and given Josh’s position at the White House they made exceptions for Hannah and Jake.

After they’d finished at the school, they’d gone clothes shopping and grocery shopping. They'd made it back to Josh's just before three and while they waited for the beds to arrive, she moved things around in the guest room to make space for them, and then fed the kids macaroni and cheese. 

The beds had arrived just before six and Josh had gotten home about seven. By the time she'd made the beds, she and Josh had gotten the kids into them it was almost eight-thirty. That hadn't been the end of her evening though, once the kids were in bed, she'd done some clean-up and she and Josh had done a little work, she hadn't left his place until almost ten and she was completely exhausted. 

All the running around, lifting, moving and cleaning had left her tired and sore and she'd been looking forward to a hot bath for most of the afternoon. When she got back to her apartment, she hadn't done much more than drop her things on her bed on her way to the tub. 

Given the law of averages and, you know, Josh, she wasn't surprised when the phone rang only a few minutes after she'd gotten in the tub. In fact, she had suspected it might happen and she had the phone setting on the toilet next to the tub.

"This had better be good," she greeted him.

"Donna, you have to help me," he pleaded.

The sounds of Hannah crying in the background got her attention. "What's wrong?"

"Jake had a nightmare and woke up Hannah," he explained. "Now Hannah won't stop crying and, of course, Jake can't go back to sleep with Hannah crying. I've tried everything. I tried sitting with them, I tried reading to them, I even tried bribing them with a cookie, but nothing's working." 

Donna sighed. "Okay..."

"Please Donna, I don't know what else to do." He clearly sounded like he was at the end of his rope. 

"I said okay," she pointed out. "I just need to throw something on and grab my purse and I'll be right over."

Even over the phone, his relief was palatable. "Thanks, Donna."

Hanging up the phone, Donna hurried to drain the tub and dry off. Thank goodness she hadn't gotten around to washing her hair so she didn't have to go out into the night with it wet. She dug out some underwear and some sweats which she threw on, before shoving her feet into some tennis shoes and pulling on her coat.

Trying not to break too many traffic laws, she quickly drove to Josh's. When she got there, Josh opened the door with a tearful and hiccupping Hannah in his arms. As soon as Hannah saw Donna, her cries got a little louder and she reached her little arms out for Donna.

"Hey, little one, what's the trouble?" Donna asked as she took Hannah from a somewhat pale and concerned Josh. She didn't really expect Hannah to reply, but she was going for the comfort factor. 

"She's been crying like that ever since she woke up," Josh said.

Donna saw Jake standing in the edge of the hallway looking sleepy and a little disoriented. "Hi, Jake. You okay?" Jake nodded. "Good. Josh, why don't you go see if you can help Jake get back in bed while I take care of Hannah? Maybe you could read him a story from some of the books we bought today."

Josh nodded, clearly relieved. "Come on, Jake," he urged as the two of them disappeared down the hallway.

Donna sat down in Josh's recliner and shifted Hannah into her lap. "Now, Hannah, you're okay, there's no reason to cry." She started to rock Hannah and rub her back to calm her down. As Hannah's cries began to quiet and she tucked her head against Donna's chest, Donna rested her cheek against the top of Hannah's head. "I know that you're probably scared about being in a new place and around new people, but you don't have anything to be frightened about. Your uncle Josh and I care a lot about you and Jake and we only want to take care of you." By the time she finished speaking Hannah had stopped crying altogether.

Continuing to rock Hannah, Donna began to hum softly and hoped it might help her go back to sleep.

Jake had stayed awake during two of the three stories he'd chosen, 'Click, Clack, Moo: Cows that Type' and 'Duck for President,' but he wasn't able to stay awake during the last story, 'Giggle, Giggle, Quack' and he'd finally dropped off to sleep.

Breathing at least a partial sigh of relief, he went back out to the living room to see how Donna was doing with Hannah. The rest of his insides relaxed when he saw that Hannah had finally quieted down and in fact, looked like she was asleep. 

Seeing Donna rocking Hannah and humming to her softly, touched something in Josh. A sudden picture rose so clearly in his mind of her holding their own daughter, that it nearly took his breath away. 

But he knew that thoughts like that would only lead to trouble and he shoved them away.

"Hey," he whispered. "You did it, I think she's asleep."

"She just needed to calm down," Donna said. "I figured once she did, she would go back to sleep. All the crying probably helped wear her out even more."

"You want me to take her and put her in bed?"

"No, I've got it," she told him. Carefully getting up from the chair, Donna carried Hannah back to the bedroom and laid her in bed. Pulling the blankets up over her, Hannah didn't even stir. Josh and Donna stood there for a moment and watched both the kids to make sure that they were sleeping peacefully, then they headed back out to the living room and dropped down on the couch.

"Thank you, Donna." Then he grinned. "I seem to be saying that a lot these days, but I mean it."

She smiled back. "You're welcome."

He scrubbed a hand over his face and let out a sigh. "You've definitely got the touch."

"You're doing fine with them, Josh. It's just a challenge for you to take care of both of them at the same time. Kids are usually easier if you can double team them."

"Yeah..." he trailed off. What he should do was almost painfully obvious to him, but he had to work up the nerve to bring it up. "Donna, what would you say about moving in while the kids are here?"

She blinked in surprise. "What?"

"I mean it."

What was he saying? "Wh...wha...why?" she sputtered.

"Because I don't want to have to call you every other night and have you come over in that middle of the night because I need help. I know it's a lot to ask, but you have to admit that it would be easier in the mornings if you just slept here. Since I have senior staff every morning at seven, we talked about you just coming over here to get the kids ready and take Jake to school and Hannah to pre-school, but if you lived here, you wouldn't have to get up so early and then come over here."

Donna's brain had begun to work again. "But Josh, where would I sleep?" she asked. "Your couch isn't exactly the most comfortable and I doubt sleeping in one of the kids beds is going to be all that restful."

Instantly Josh's brain wanted to say 'you can sleep with me in my bed,' but his mouth wasn't about to let those words out.

"We'll buy you another bed. You can pick out any one you want," he said. "If we take the rest of my junk out of the guest room and put it in storage or something, we can stack the kids' beds into bunk beds and put the other bed in there for you. Or if there's not enough room in there, we can swap the two bedrooms. My room is bigger than the guest room. If worst comes to worst, we can put my bed in the guest room and your three beds in mine."

He was really serious and apparently had given this some thought. Part of her wanted to jump at the chance, but the logical part of her brain was scared to death for a number of reasons, some of which she couldn't actually tell Josh.

The most obvious of which was the fact that she was afraid he'd eventually see right through her and see the truth about how she really felt about him.

"But Josh, what will people say?" she asked instead. "Won't it make a problem for you or the White House if your assistant moves in with you?" 

Leave it to Donna to always be worried about him and the White House. "No, I don't think anyone will say anything, because no one who could make trouble is going to know. We'll keep things low key and tell as few people as possible. It would probably only be until after the first of the year anyway. No one is going to find out."

"Famous last words, Josh," Donna replied. Then a horrible thought popped into her head. "What about CJ? God, she'll kill us."

"No, she won't," he insisted. "Don't worry, I'll handle, CJ."

Donna gave him a pointed look. "Josh, you don't have the best track record when it comes to 'handling' CJ. Normally it's the other way around."

"Okay, fair point," he admitted. "But seriously, I'll talk to CJ and we'll make sure the White House is covered if anyone, by some miracle, does find out." 

When she didn't put up any other argument, he figured she was leaning toward agreeing with his suggestion and he felt like he needed to press his argument while he had the chance.

"The kids adore you, Donna. I'm sure they'd love to have you here all the time and I know I'd feel better if you were," he said honestly. "Things just work better when you're here."

Donna had to blink back sudden tears. Although he could be a little oblivious and thoughtless at times, Josh could also be incredibly sweet. There was pretty much no way she could say no to him right then.

Of course, there was also no denying the fact she was painfully disappointed that the only reason he was asking her to move in was to help take care of the kids. 

She swallowed hard to clear the tears from her throat. "I have terms," she said.

Josh blinked in surprise at the sudden acquiescence. "Oh...oh-kay. Name them."

"You have to square things with CJ...tomorrow."

"I will, I swear," he replied.

She nodded. "Next, I'll sleep on the couch tonight, but tomorrow I'm going bed shopping..."

"Which I'm going to pay for," he put in.

"Right and at some point before they deliver the beds, you and Sam or whoever, have to move all the rest of the stuff out of the guest room. 

“Fine.”

“And when they deliver the bed, if there isn't enough room in the guest room, you have to hire someone or round up someone to help swap the stuff in the bedrooms. I am not going to kill myself by moving furniture."

"Done," Josh told her. "What else?"

"You have to pay the rent for my apartment for the time I'm living here," she said. "I'm going to need to have an apartment to go back to when I'm done staying here."

He wanted to say she'd never have to leave, but he could see her point in asking. "Fine, I'll be happy to pay it."

"Just because I'm going to be staying here all the time doesn't mean you can push all the responsibilities with the kids off on me," she told him. "We're in this together and I want you to still try and come home at a decent hour or take time off whenever possible and help me with the kids."

"That's fair and I will absolutely try to do that. If you ever feel like I'm not, I give you permission to call me on it," he promised. "Anything else?"

Now that they'd hammered out some of the details, Donna was feeling better. "Yes, one more thing. Your call tonight interrupted my well-deserved bath. As I recall you have a Jacuzzi bathtub that you never use, a fact which I find almost obscene. So I'm hereby commandeering it and short of fire or pestilence or one of the kids falling out of bed, I'm going to soak in it until I'm a prune and I would like to not be disturbed."

The image of naked Donna soaking in his bathtub disturbed him to no end, but he could hardly deny her request. "My tub is your tub, feel free to use it any time," he told her. "So do we have a deal?"

Donna chose to ignore the quiet voice that was telling her this could be a very, very bad idea. 

"It's a deal."

**********  
Chapter 9

And so life for them as a somewhat unconventional family began.

For Josh, however, the first step in that journey was not something he was looking forward to. 

To keep his promise to Donna, he had to tell CJ that Donna was moving in with him. To say that CJ was going to be unhappy, was a complete understatement.

Citing the fact that it was Saturday and there wasn’t much going on, Josh dragged his feet as long as he possibly could. Donna of course, saw right through him and was determined that he didn’t back out of facing CJ. So when she announced that she was ready to go bed shopping and then back to her place to pick up some things, she also announced that on the way, she was dropping Josh AND the kids off at the White House so he could talk to CJ and show the kids around. Luckily, when he'd been in the office the day before he'd given Ron Butterfield all of the kids' information and they'd been cleared to enter the White House with Josh or Donna as visitors.

Josh felt panic threaten at the idea of being alone with the kids again and he tried to argue. The look she gave him clearly said the topic was not up for discussion or debate.

About the time Donna pulled into a parking space near the entry gate to drop them off, it occurred to Josh that he might want to find a set of full body armor to wear before he went to talk to CJ. Or, barring that, he’d need at least a helmet and a cup.

“All right now, Jake...Hannah,” Donna said as she switched off the engine and turned around in the driver’s seat. “I’ll be back in a while to pick you up. But in the mean time, I want you both to listen to Uncle Josh and do what he says and be on your best behavior. Remember what we talked about this morning. Don’t wander off and be careful what you touch. There are a lot of expensive, breakable things inside. Okay?”

“Okay,” Jake said. Donna was happy to see Hannah nod as well. 

“Good and if you behave yourselves, how about we get McDonald’s on the way home?” she suggested.

“Yay!” Jake gave a little cheer and Hannah actually let out a giggle, which made Donna grin from ear to ear.

“I think you found their weakness,” Josh told her with a grin.

“They’re not the only ones. As I recall, you ate your fair share of McDonald’s french fries during both campaigns, Josh.”

“Okay, guilty as charged,” he told her climbing out of the car and coming around to the driver's side. “Does that mean I get to tag along to McDonald’s?” he asked as she climbed out.

“If you behave yourself,” she teased as the two of them moved to open the sliding door so they could get the kids out. “And if you’re ready to go when I come to pick up the kids.”

“Oh, I’m sure that CJ will be more than happy to have me removed from the building by then.”

Donna’s hand paused on the door handle and her grin clouded over and disappeared. “Do you think she’s really going to be that mad?”

“At you, no. I think in her eyes, you’re bucking for sainthood,” he told her. “But me, yeah, I think she’s going to be that mad.”

She was quiet for a moment. “You know, Josh, we could still change our plans. I could...”

“No,” he said firmly. “I’m more concerned over what will happen if you don’t stay with me than over what CJ's going to do to me. CJ will get over it. I just may be at the top of her shit...” He grimaced as he glanced at the thankfully still closed door and hoped the kids hadn't heard him. "...on the top of her list,” he finished in an exaggerated whisper.

Donna continued to frown a little. “Well, maybe I can talk to her on Monday and see if I can’t smooth things over.”

“I have a feeling I’m going to need all the help I can get,” he said as she smiled sympathetically. "Oh, and that's another thing..." He dropped his voice so only Donna could hear him. "Are you sure leaving me alone with the kids is a good idea?"

“Josh, you’ll be fine. They’re kids, not ticking time bombs,” she said in a whispered reply. "Plus I'll have my cell phone if you need anything." Grabbing the door handle again, she pulled the door open and started to help get Hannah unbuckled from her booster seat, while Jake climbed out on his own. 

“Okay, you guys, if you get bored, I put some books, crayons and coloring and activity books in Uncle Josh’s back pack,” she said as she lifted Hannah out and tried to set her down next to Jake. Hannah, of course, had other ideas and latched onto Donna and wouldn’t let go.

“I think she wants to go with you,” Jake said, stating the obvious.

“Hey, now, what’s this?” Donna said gently to Hannah as she brushed a stray lock of hair back. “I talked to you about this before we left the house, Hannah. I have some things to do so you’re going to spend the afternoon with Uncle Josh and Jake will be with you the whole time.” Hannah still looked dubious. “And we can’t go to McDonald’s if you don’t stay here.”

“AWWW, come on Hannah, stop being a baby! I want to go to McDonald’s!” Jake cried.

Donna saw Hannah’s lip quiver and she knew a crying fit wasn’t far behind if she didn’t do something.

“Jake, don’t call your sister names,” Donna admonished gently before turning back to Hannah. “Can’t you at least try and be my brave girl and spend the afternoon with Jake and Uncle Josh? I know he wants to spend some time with you. Don’t you, Uncle Josh?”

He was taken a little off guard by the question. “Oh, yeah, of course I do, Hannah,” he said hoping that was the right answer. How did Donna manage to handle stuff like this so effortlessly?

“See? What did I tell you?” she asked Hannah. She took it as a good sign that the lip had stopped quivering. “Now I promise I’ll come back to get you in just a little while. You won’t even know I’ve been gone.” She smiled at Jake. “And then we’ll all go to McDonald’s. So what do you say, Hannah?”

As if Donna has used some magic word, Hannah’s little arms released her neck and she kicked a little, which she did when she wanted down. “That’s my girl, I knew you could do it,” she put Hannah down next to Jake. “You look out for her, Jake.”

“I will,” he replied taking Hannah’s hand in his as if to reaffirm his promise.

“Good, I’m relying on you to make sure you guys don’t get into trouble.”

“We won’t.”

She smiled at Jake. “Oh, I also put a couple of movies in Uncle Josh’s bag, so if you’re nice to him, he might let you watch one on the TV in his office and there’s some snacks in there if you get a little hungry. Just don’t eat too much or you won’t be hungry for McDonald’s.”

Josh just stood there, dumbstruck by how good she was with the kids. It was like she was an old pro.

Both kids nodded and she turned to Josh. “And don’t feed them a lot junk, Josh, or I’ll have to hurt you,” she said as she slammed the van’s sliding door and turned to open the driver’s door.

He shook himself and meant to say something inane like ‘okay’ or ‘I will’ or make some snappy comeback about her micro-managing him, but that wasn’t what came out at all. 

“Have I mentioned recently how amazing you are?” he blurted instead.

Blinking in surprise, she looked at him with a noticeable blush staining her cheeks. “Not recently,” she managed. 

How did he do that? With one little sentence like that he had her insides doing the Electric Slide. She knew she had to get in the car before she did something bad like pushing him up against the van and kissing him as if her life depended on it.

“But it’s nice to hear,” she said as she climbed back into the van and she closed the door. Josh thought she was just going to drive away but she rolled down the window and stuck her head out. “And remember what I said about feeding them junk.”

He couldn’t help but smile then and he gave her a wave. “I will.”

She grinned at him. “Now go inside, it’s freezing out here!” With that, she checked to see if anyone was coming and pulled out into traffic.

Herding the kids in front of him so he didn’t lose track of them before they even got inside, Josh ushered them through gate security and they headed inside. He just hoped that he could get them into his office before he encountered too many people. It wasn't that he was ashamed of the kids or being seen with them, he just wasn't sure he was ready to answer a bunch of prying questions.

Jake’s gaze went back and forth between the two statuesque Marines that opened the double outer doors for them automatically. His expression was one of complete awe. Hannah, on the other hand, released Jake’s hand and moved over so she could hold on to Josh’s. Apparently, she thought that Josh was better protection against the big, scary Marines than her brother.

Josh felt his heart take a weird lurch and he couldn’t have been more surprised by her actions if he’d tried. Hannah’s communication problems were a constant source of worry for him. Being such a verbal person himself, he’d felt at a loss for how to deal with her. Which is why he found it was odd that feeling her tiny hand in his communicated a hell of a lot more to him than he ever would have imagined. 

Once, he probably would have been terribly uncomfortable and tried to find the most expedient way to get his hand back, but now he found he liked it and it made him feel about ten feet tall.

"It's okay, Hannah," he assured her. "They look a little scary, but they're the good guys."

Hannah continued to look a little skittish and she kept tight hold of Josh's hand as they walked inside. As they moved through the building, he pointed out any things of interest he thought they might want to know about.

Given the fact that it was a Saturday afternoon and there wasn't much going on, Josh wasn't surprised that they didn't pass many people. Those they did pass were mostly interns or people who wouldn't usually have said much to him. There were, however, a couple of double takes and odd looks.

It wasn't everyday that they saw Josh Lyman shepherding two young children through the halls of the West Wing.

"Josh!" a voice called out as they walked past the communication's bullpen.

Josh and the kids stopped just as Sam, dressed in jeans and a Princeton sweatshirt, came out of his office, walked through the bullpen and out into the hall. Because the wall of the bullpen was half glass and half wall, he hadn't realized Josh wasn't alone.

"Josh, I..." He stopped short and goggled a bit at the kids. "Ah, um...hi."

"Hannah...Jake, this is Sam," Josh introduced them.

"Hi," Jake replied. Hannah of course, just remained silent as she clung to Josh's hand.

"Hi," Sam said feeling a little off kilter. "I um, didn't realize you had them...with you."

"Yeah, Donna had some things to take care of and she wanted me to bring them by and show them around."

Sam broke into a bemused grin. "Well, they're cute." 

"Thanks," Josh grinned back. "Did you need something?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm working on section in the EPA speech that deals with alternative fuel tax credits and I wanted your input." 

Josh nodded. "Okay, let me just get them settled in my office and talk to CJ about something and then I'll come find you."

Sam looked at him suspiciously. "What do you need to talk to CJ about?"

"Well, see...it's like this..." Josh sighed. "Who am I kidding? Just wait about ten minutes and you'll probably be able to hear what it is even from your office."

"Oh-kay," Sam said, knowing that when something involved CJ yelling, it was probably better he wasn’t party to it in any way. 

Just then, a happy thought crossed into Josh's mind. "That is if she's even here," he looked at Sam hopefully. "Did she come in today?"

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but yes, she's here and in a bright and cheery mood," Sam told him sympathetically. "I think I heard her yelling at Danny a few minutes ago.”

“Great,” Josh muttered. “Come on guys.”

Glancing into the Northwest Lobby, he didn’t really see anyone of note beyond the regular guards, so the three of them quickly crossed the lobby and entered his office through the side door.

For half a second he considered taking the kids with him when he talked to CJ. Maybe they’d win her over with their cuteness or maybe she simply wouldn’t yell at him with them in the room.

Then again, this was CJ and yelling was as natural to her as breathing.

The kids, however, wouldn’t understand that and the last thing he needed was them being traumatized by CJ and the yelling. Donna would kill him if that happened and he feared Donna’s wrath a hell of a lot more than CJs.

"Well guys, this is...um, my office so...ah, make yourselves at home. I've got to talk to someone for a few minutes," he told them. He figured the two of them would easily fit in his desk chair so he pulled it over in front of his TV. "But first, I'm going to get you guys all set up in here." He started digging in his bag. "My desk is kind of covered with stuff, so if you want to color or read, go ahead and put your books on the floor." He laid their books and a box of crayons on one of his visitor's chair and pulled out one of the movies Donna had put in his bag. "I'm also going to put in 'Finding Nemo.' You can go ahead and both sit in my chair and watch it. I won't be gone that long, but I'd like you guys to stay in here until I come back."

The kids had both been quiet during Josh's speech, but as he finished, Jake looked at Hannah and then back at Josh. "But what if we need something while you're gone?"

Josh let out a breath. "Good point. Okay, Jake come with me for a second." Josh walked him over to the main door of his office that opened onto the bull pen. "See that office at the other end of the hall?" he said indicating CJ's office on the other side of the bullpen.

"Yes," Jake said with a nod.

"That's where I'm going to be if you need me." He closed the door. "You can also call me on my cell phone." Walking over to the large chalkboard, he found an open spot and started writing. "I'll put the number right here where you can find it."

Hannah walked over to Jake and tugged on his sleeve. "What?" he asked her.

Leaning over she whispered something in his ear. As Josh watched, he was dumb founded by their interaction. Although he remembered the woman from the ACS saying that Hannah would sometimes whisper in Jake's ear, to his knowledge they hadn't actually seen it happen up until then.

"She wants to know if we can draw on the chalkboard." Jake announced.

"Ah, well..." He looked at the chalkboard that was covered with the stats of the House members and who was voting with them on an upcoming bill and who was still on the fence. "...actually, I'd appreciate it if you didn't draw on the chalkboard or erase anything off of it. I, uh, sort of need what's on it for work."

Neither of them seemed to mind his answer. "Okay," Jake said. 

He took them at their word, but the fact that the chalkboard was on the wall above his credenza helped his confidence level. He just hoped that it was high enough to keep them from testing that confidence and getting any ideas.

"Good, now you guys have a seat and I'll start the movie." He put the movie into the machine and when the menu came up he hit 'play' and handed the remote to Jake. "You guys want anything else before I go?"

Both kids watched the movie and kept their eyes on the screen, but Jake at least managed to shake his head 'no.'

Unable to put it off any longer, Josh knew the time to throw himself under the bus and tell CJ had come. Feeling like he was leaving the kids in a safe place, Josh closed his office door to minimize them hearing any yelling CJ might do, and headed to her office.

The door was open and he saw CJ sitting behind her desk pounding away on her computer. Carol was sitting at her place in the outer office and Josh nodded to her as he walked past and into CJ's office.

CJ looked over the top of her glasses at him as he closed her office door. "And what can I do for you on this bright and uninviting day?"

Josh felt himself swallow hard. "Um..." he began with a frown.

CJ must have been tipped off by something in his voice, because her face began to look like a gathering storm. "What did you do?" she asked suspiciously.

He blinked at her. "It's not so much what I did," he began lamely. "It's more what I'm going to do."

That appeared to do nothing to improve CJ's mood or expression.

"Josh, what the hell is going on?"

Okay this was the moment of truth. He decided to do it like ripping off a band-aid. "Donna's moving in with me."

The first expression on CJs face could best be described as stunned surprise. The kind of surprise where you didn’t know if the person displaying it was going to be happy or furious. In the end, CJ picked an entirely different response. 

With a rather unladylike snort, she started laughing.

This was the last thing Josh had expected. “What’s so funny?” he demanded. He was getting a little annoyed that she kept laughing at things he told her.

“You...you and your Donna’s moving in with me thing. What...did you and Danny cook this up to torment me, because I yelled at him this morning?”

Frowning, he blinked. “No, CJ, Donna really is moving in with me.”

He knew the moment she realized he was serious because her face hardened instantly.

"She can’t," she said, rising from her chair.

"Why not?!" he demanded.

"Because she CAN’T!" she said stalking around her desk toward him.

"CJ...!"

“Because I said!”

"Okay, CJ, I’m not five and you're not my mother, so you're going to have to give me an actual reason!" Josh shot back as he went toe to toe with her.

"It will be a PR nightmare, Josh!"

"What happened to the White House does not comment on the private lives of its employees?!" he said heatedly.

"We won't have to comment, everyone will be perfectly able to draw their own conclusions when they find out!"

"And just why would they do that? No one is going to know!" he insisted.

"Of course, someone will know! Someone always finds out!" 

"No one is going to find out unless it's because they hear you screaming about it!!!" he yelled back.

"Josh...!" she said in exasperation.

He dragged a hand through his hair. "Look, they won't find out, we'll be careful," he told her. "Besides, Donna's already spent the last two nights at my place and the world didn’t end."

He knew by the expression on her face he'd said the wrong thing and he had to force himself not to flinch at what was coming.

"WHAT!!!" she screeched. "And you’re just telling me NOW! I’m your first call, Josh! You know that!"

"Okay, CJ, just so you know, THIS is why no one wants you to be their first call. We tell you stuff and you yell at us."

"Josh...!" she protested.

"Would you calm down? Donna and I only decided she'd move in last night. So really, you ARE my first call."

"What day it started won't matter once the Press gets the story!"

"I keep telling you, they're not going to find out," Josh insisted.

"And what if they do, Josh?! What then?!" she asked.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"Oh, no, we won't. That's not how we do things! We do that and I'm not doing my job!" 

“This isn’t about YOUR job, CJ, this is about MY life!”

CJ dropped into her chair and hung her head in her hands. “This is so bad. The day I've always worried about is here.” She looked up at him, her eyes almost pleading as her words tumbled out carelessly. “You couldn't have waited until the end of the second term to start an affair with Donna?” 

Feeling blindsided, Josh blinked at her in surprise. ‘The day she’d always worried about?' He hadn’t even vaguely acknowledged his feelings for Donna until the second inauguration and from then on, he’d always worked hard to keep his feelings for her under wraps...even from himself. How could CJ possibly know?

It took him a minute to find his words and when he did, he did the only thing he could...he played dumb. “I don’t...what the hell are you talking about?”

“You and your blonde assistant is what I’m talking about,” she told him. “We worried about this, but we kept hoping you’d wait until after the president’s second term was over.”

Josh could feel his anger rising. “We? We, who?” 

“Me and Toby.”

His voice got low and quiet. “CJ, please don’t tell me you and Toby have been having strategy sessions about me and Donna.”

“Of course, we did! Do you think we’re stupid or something?”

“I thought you were my friends,” he said still keeping his voice quiet. “And I’m sure Donna thought you were hers. I’m sure she wouldn’t appreciate being the subject of a discussion on...exit strategy.”

“Josh...” CJ said dropping her head in her hands again. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Then what was it like?” Josh demanded.

“We just wanted to be prepared,” she tried to explain.

“Well, CJ, from what you’ve just said, it doesn’t sound like you’re prepared at all!” he replied. “You sure as hell don’t have all the facts.”

“What do you mean?”

“Here’s a newsflash for you, Donna and I are not ‘having an affair’ as you so tactfully put it. I just came in here to tell you that she’s moving in to help me with the kids while they're here. She’ll be sleeping in the kids' room in her own bed, which she is out buying right now. Beyond the fact that she’s my best friend and she’s doing me a huge favor, nothing is going on between us. Now if you’re done jumping to conclusions, I’m sure you’re going to want to go huddle up with Toby about this, so if you’ll excuse me, I think we’re done.”

“Josh...” CJ tried as Josh stalked to the door. There was a pronounced apology in her voice. “I’m sorry, I just thought...”

Pausing at the door, he turned back to her. “Yeah, I know what you thought.”

Like two lone combatants on the battlefield, they stared at each other for a very long moment. Slowly, the anger in the room began to evaporate, and Josh saw a look of what he thought was a mixture of pity and understanding enter her eyes. 

“Josh...” she began carefully as she rose from her desk again. “What happens if this thing with the kids works out and they stay permanently? Is she going to live with you forever?”

He didn't have any answers to that. “One thing at a time, CJ,” Josh replied.

“It’s just...” she tried. “I know the president is my first priority, but I also don’t want you or Donna to get hurt.”

Josh was suddenly very tired. Tired of hiding and denying what he felt for Donna and tired of having everything in his life measured and scrutinized. 

“I don’t intend to hurt her and I know she wouldn’t hurt me,” he said simply. “As for the rest, if and when I decide to have a flaming affair with Donna it will be our business and not yours or Toby’s or the White House’s. And if it means I have to quit and be a short order cook to do it, then I will.” His eyes narrowed a little dangerously. “In the meantime, you will not give Donna ONE second of grief over this and you and Toby will not share any of your ‘exit strategy’ theories with her. Do I make myself clear?”

CJ drew herself up a little straighter. “Crystal.”

With that Josh, opened her door and stalked out.

“Oh, God, this is a train wreck waiting to happen,” she murmured as he left.

**********  
Chapter 10

Josh was too wound up to go back to the kids just yet, so he walked over to Sam’s office. Luckily, Toby wasn’t next door in his office. Although he’d spent most of his choicest words on CJ, he was sure he could have dug up a few more for Toby.

He and Sam spent a few minutes talking about the section of the speech Sam was concerned with, but as usual, Sam could tell something was up with Josh. He was second only to Donna in being able to read him.

“So contrary to what you said earlier, I heard you and CJ yelling but couldn’t tell what you were yelling about. Care to elaborate?”

"No," Josh said flatly.

"Oh, oh-kay," Sam said in surprise.

Josh sighed and dropped into one of the chairs in Sam’s office. "Sorry, I'm still a little wound up after the shouting match with her." He looked at Sam and tried to gauge what his reaction would be. "Donna’s moving in with me."

His expression still neutral, Sam carefully pulled off his glasses and laid them on the desk. "Well...I can certainly see why that would make CJ yell."

Josh waited for him to say something else, but he kept quiet. "That's it? That's your only comment?"

Sam gave him a little smile. "I'm trying to be supportive."

"I'd settle for you telling me what you think," Josh replied.

He leaned back in his chair. “Okay, let me ask you this, when you say, she’s ‘moving in’ with you, what exactly do you mean?”

Josh had to grin and he felt a little more of the tension drain out of him, leave it to Sam not to jump to any conclusions. “Spoken like a true lawyer, Sam.”

Sam folded his hands in his lap. “I just like to have all the facts before I answer an important question.”

He leaned forward a little in the chair. “She’s going to be staying with me to help out while the kids are here. She’ll be sleeping in her own bed in the kids' room.”

Sam nodded and then leaned forward and rested his elbows on the desk. “Since I know you were already planning on leaning on her for help while the kids are here, it sounds like a good idea.”

“Are you speaking as my friend or the Deputy Communications Director?”

“A little of both, I guess,” he confessed. “Look, professionally I know why CJ had a screaming fit about it, but I don’t think it’s so bad. Even if people start asking questions about it, she’ll spin it, she always does. And now that you’ve told her, she’ll be ready.” He grinned. “Hey, we got through me and Laurie, didn’t we? We got through Leo and addiction. We even got through the president hiding a debilitating illness. We’re safely into the second term. If they come up, I think CJ can handle questions about your assistant moving in with you. Besides, as I recall she lived with you for almost three months after Rosslyn and no one said a word.”

“Well, you have a point there,” Josh agreed as he settled back in the chair.

There was a long pause and Sam was the first one to fill it. “Then why do I think that there’s still something on your mind?”

“What do you think about it personally?” Josh asked with a quiet intensity. “Donna moving in with me, I mean.”

Sam had expected this day was coming, and yet, part of him was still surprised that Josh had finally asked the $64,000 question. Rising from his desk, he walked over and closed the door to his office to give them some privacy. 

Josh’s stomach took a weird dip. He’d expected Sam to give him some easy answer. But having him close the door meant that he had something important to say.

“Should I be scared you just closed the door?” Josh asked him.

“Nah, I just thought this should be for your ears only." Rather than returning to his chair, he half-leaned, half-sat on the edge of his desk and faced Josh.

“Personally, and as your friend...and Donna’s, I think you should tread very carefully.” 

Josh blinked in surprise. “What do you mean?”

Sam stared at him levelly. “I think you know.”

“I really don’t, Sam.”

"Donna cares for you a great deal."

Josh frowned. "Yeah...so? I already know that. Next to you, she's my best friend."

Sam gave a little chuckle. "She likes you in a WHOLE different way than I do, Josh," he said cryptically.

That got Josh's curiosity. "Why do you say that? Has she said something to you?”

He shook his head. “No, of course she didn’t, and she wouldn’t. She’s fiercely protective of you and the president...heck of all of us. I’m guessing part of that protection is keeping us from any imagined embarrassment she might cause by revealing her feelings for you.” 

“Then how can you be so sure how she feels?" Josh asked him.

Sam’s expression turned serious. “I saw her at the hospital, Josh,” he said quietly. “I saw her when Toby told her you were shot and I watched her as she sat in that waiting room looking like her world was ending.”

Josh was taken aback by Sam's statement. Rosslyn and his recovery were deeply consuming and personal to him. He'd never stopped to think how it might have been for others, especially Donna. Swallowing, Josh didn’t know what to say to that and he just blinked at Sam.

“That’s why I’m saying tread carefully,” Sam continued. “If you don’t, living with her, even platonically, is going to complicate what I think is maybe the most complicated relationship I’ve ever seen.” He walked around behind his desk and sat down in his chair again. "I just don't want to see either of you get hurt."

Josh let out a breath and stood up. “Thanks, Sam.”

Slipping his glasses back on, he grinned. “Like I said, just trying to be supportive.”

Leaving Sam's office with more questions than answers, but feeling better in general, Josh headed back for his office to check on the kids.

The hairs on the back of his neck prickled when he saw two Secret Service agents standing guard outside his office door. He wasn’t exactly sure he was ready for the president to meet the kids or vice versa. In all honesty, he didn’t even know if the president had been TOLD about his new half-niece and nephew. It hadn't come up in any conversations he'd had with the president the day before.

“Don’t overreact, it’ll be fine,” he mumbled. 

With a nod to the agents, he carefully opened the door to his office. The president was standing just inside the door, apparently talking to Jake, who was still sitting in Josh’s desk chair. 

As for Hannah, she was behind his desk and peeking over the top of it. Her eyes were a bit wide as if she was trying to figure out if she should be frightened or not. In any case, she was clearly spooked. When she saw Josh, she made a beeline around the back of his desk and throwing her little arms around his leg, hid behind him.

“Mr. President...” Josh began as he shifted his balance so she didn’t trip him and he tried to pat her on the back like he’d seen Donna do so she wouldn’t start crying or anything. “Good afternoon, sir.” 

“Hey, Josh,” the president said with a bemused and somewhat curious expression on his face.

“She’s a little shy,” he said, trying to explain Hannah's behavior.

“So I gathered.”

He tried to reassure Hannah. “It’s okay, Hannah. This is the president. He lives here.”

She didn’t release her hold on his leg, but she did peek one eye out from behind his leg to look at the president.

“For a little while anyway,” the president put in. 

“How long have you been waiting, sir?” Josh said, trying to sound as casual as possible.

“Just a minute or two. I was just about to meet your visitors when you came in.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, sir,” Josh apologized. “The one hiding behind my leg is Hannah and the young man in the chair over there is her brother, Jake. Jake...stand up. It’s polite to stand up when the president comes into the room.” 

Although he clearly didn’t understand what all the fuss was about, Jake started to get out of the chair. 

"Aw, it's okay, Josh, they're just kids," he said waving Jake to stay in his seat. "They don't know me from the mailman. If I was president of, you know, Disneyworld, I might get somewhere with them, but I'm guessing President of the United States doesn’t rate very high."

"ARE you the president of Disney World?" Jake asked hopefully.

The president just grinned. “Nope, sorry son.”

Jake sighed dramatically. "It's okay," he said as he settled himself back in the chair and swiveled back around to watch the rest of the movie.

"Hannah? Don't you want to watch the rest of the movie with Jake?"

She looked up at him but made no signs of releasing his leg. 

"I think that's a no," the president guessed.

"Yeah, I think you're right," Josh agreed. "Was there something that you needed, sir?" 

"What? Oh, no, I was just out for a walk and I saw your door was closed and I thought I'd see what you were working on today."

"Ah, well, I came in today to catch up on some things and talk to CJ about something. Oh, and I wanted to show the kids around," he explained. "I hope it's okay I brought them in."

"Of course it is, they're always welcome." He glanced at both the kids and then looked back at Josh. "Leo told me what happened with your family," he said. "Pretty amazing stuff."

“Yes, it is, sir.”

“And this morning I heard the most interesting rumor.”

Josh tried to keep from sweating. Could he know about Donna moving in already? “Oh, and what rumor is that, sir?” 

“I hear that these two youngsters will be staying with you until after the first of the year.”

A silent wave of relief went through Josh. “Oh, yes, that’s true, sir. I'm keeping them through the holidays.”

“I always said you were a brave man,” the president teased.

Josh couldn’t help but smile. “Well, brave or the other thing,” he said a little cryptically. He didn’t want to say ‘or stupid’ in front of the kids. Of course, the president knew exactly what he meant.

“I stand by my earlier statement,” he replied as he glanced at both the kids. “So you think you can pull it off, huh?”

“Yes, sir, I’m going to give it my best.”

The president nodded and leaned in conspiratorially. “Donna your ace in the hole?”

“Absolutely,” Josh said with a grin.

“Good. She’s a keeper, Josh.” 

‘Where did that comment come from?’ Josh wondered. ‘Can everyone read my mind today?’

“You have NO idea, sir,” he said instead. 

“Well, you be sure you hang onto her.”

“Yes sir, I plan to.”

“And you, young lady, are a keeper too,” he said smiling at Hannah as he bent a little to be closer to her level. Hannah, who had worked up the courage to bring her entire head out from behind Josh to look at the president with both eyes, pulled a bit closer to Josh’s leg but at least this time she didn’t disappear behind it.

Through his jeans, Josh felt her little fingers dig deeper into his leg and part of him thought he should have been a little annoyed or working harder at getting her to let go of him, but honestly, he was just too busy enjoying the feeling of protectiveness it brought out in him. Just like when she’d held his hand, he felt about ten feet tall and like he could slay dragons.

Just then the door to his office burst open, scaring the crap out of all four of them. “Okay, Idiot Boy!! I think I...” CJ’s voice faded into silence as she took in the scene. 

Jake whipped the chair around to see who was yelling and like a turtle in a shell, Hannah disappeared behind Josh again, but this time she began crying.

"Thanks a lot, CJ," Josh grumbled.

CJ was baffled. "What did I do?"

"You scared her," Josh said. "It's okay, Hannah." 

“Hi, CJ," the president greeted her. "Nice of you to join us.”

CJ let out a breath. “Hello, sir...Josh...KIDS,” she added pointedly.

Reaching down, Josh picked Hannah up and rubbed her back the way he saw Donna do to try and get her to stop crying. 

“It’s okay, Hannah, she likes to yell, but her bark is worse than her bite,” the president told her.

“I apologize for the yelling, sir,” she told the president as she closed the door. “I didn’t realize you were in here.”

“What, the guys in black suits outside Josh’s door didn’t tip you off?” the president quipped.

“Can’t say that they did. I stopped noticing your agents a long time ago, sir,” she replied smoothly.

Maybe a little too smoothly. Josh suspected that after Simon Donovan’s death, CJ had taken to ignoring the agents out of simple necessity. It was either that or see Simon’s face every time she looked at one of them.

If the president suspected the same thing, he didn’t mention it. “I’m sure they’ll be crushed, Claudia Jean.”

“Well, you know what pansies they are, sir,” she replied before turning to Josh with a smile on her face that was more for the kids benefit than his. “You didn’t tell me you brought them with you.”

“You didn’t exactly give me much of an opening,” he replied and he continued to try and soothe Hannah.

The president knew when it was time to get the hell out of Dodge. “Well, I think that’s my cue. I better go see what my wife's up to. It was nice meeting you kids. CJ...play nice, I need my deputy in one piece. And Josh...well, good luck.”

Josh smirked. “Thank you, sir. I’ll be here for a couple more hours if you need anything.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,“ the president said as he opened the door and walked out.

CJ quickly closed the door behind him. “You couldn’t have given me a warning?” she said over the sound of Hannah's crying. 

“How was I supposed to know you would come barging into MY office,” he shot back. “Plus, he’s the president, CJ, he lives here, if he’s in the building he can be anywhere he wants.”

“Not the president,” she hissed. “THEM,” she said jerking her head at his desk chair which Jake had turned back around to watch the movie when he realized none of the yelling was at him. 

Josh didn’t like her calling the kids THEM. “They have names, CJ and they happen to be Jake and Hannah. I already said I didn’t really have a chance to tell you about them being here when I was in your office. Beyond that, what kind of warning sign would you suggest? A sock on the door knob?”

CJ let out a long breath. “Okay, we’re not going to have another argument.”

“But I find them so stimulating,” he snarked.

“Josh...” she said in an almost pleading tone.

“Fine, what did you need?” he said letting it go. 

“First, I need to apologize,” she said. “I’m sorry I barged in here yelling and I'm sorry I made her cry.”

Josh was a little surprised by the apology, but decided not to give her any more grief over it. “Accepted.”

The sound of Hannah's crying had begun to fade and took it as a personal triumph that he'd been able to calm her down on his own.

“Second, I need you to sign this,” she held out a folder with a form on top.

“What is it?” he said as he took it and started to read it.

“A transfer for Donna.”

Panic rushed through him. “What?! No, CJ, I need her,” he insisted. “You can’t take her away from...”

She held up her hand. “Now who’s jumping to conclusions?” she asked with a slight smirk. “If you’ll just calm down, I’ll explain.”

“Okay, but this had better be good.”

“This form transfers her to Leo’s office,” she began.

“But...”

“Let me finish!” she demanded. “On paper she’ll report to him. He’d have to sign off any performance evaluations, raises, or promotions, but she’ll still work as your senior assistant. For all practical purposes, nothing changes.”

Josh now understood. “So in other words, if anyone starts asking questions about us we can show that I wasn’t in a position to give her any special treatment or favors.”

“Exactly, now sign.”

Hannah had stopped crying and carrying her over to his desk, Josh switched her to the other side so his right hand would be free. Laying the folder down, he dug up a pen, signed the form and handed it back to her. “It’s a good idea,” he conceded quietly.

In light of their earlier ‘discussion,’ CJ knew it had taken a lot for him to say that to her. “Actually it was Leo’s,” she admitted. “I’m sorry, Josh, I had to fill him in.”

“It’s okay. If you hadn’t, I was going to,” Josh said.

CJ looked at him for what turned out to be a rather long, awkward moment. “Josh, about earlier...”

He cut her off. “It done and over, CJ. Let’s move on.”

For a second he thought she would say something more, but finally she just nodded. “Okay, I’ve got some things to take care of and I’ll be sure to give this to Leo.”

“’kay, thanks CJ.” 

“You’re welcome.” With that, she turned and left the office.

“Okay, kiddo, they’re gone, you’re safe,” he told Hannah as he brushed some still drying tears off her face. She sniffed and looked at him steadily, but she said nothing. “So what do you say? I’ve got to read some stuff. You want to finish the movie with Jake?” 

Keeping one arm safely around Josh’s neck, Hannah took a long look around the room. 

“See, I told you, no monsters.”

Apparently satisfied that she was safe from any more intruders, she signaled she wanted down. Josh set her on her feet and she climbed back into the chair with Jake. It occurred to Josh then that it was going to be a little hard to sit at his desk and read now that he was minus a desk chair, so he pulled one of the visitors' chairs around and used it instead.

Giving the kids a last glance, Josh smiled and dove into the work on his desk.

**********  
When Donna showed up two hours later, Josh and the kids were both ready to go.

“Well, you all look like you survived,” she commented as they pulled out of the parking space and drove away from the White House.

“No sweat. Everything went about like I expected.”

She glanced at him as they turned a corner. “Now there's a cryptic answer if I ever heard one, Josh.”

“Just stating the facts,” he said, deciding not to elaborate.

“How were the kids?”

“They were great,” Josh told her. “Even when the president came by for a visit they were very well behaved.”

“That means we get to go to McDonald’s, right?” Jake piped up from his seat.

“Yes, it does,” Josh answered before Donna could.

“Yes!” Jake said giving a little punch to the air in triumph.

Donna rolled her eyes. “It’s only been three days and he’s already picking up things from you. The next thing you know, he’s going to be yelling ‘victory is mine’ and asking for the all the finest muffins and bagels in the land.”

“Well, if he has to have a role model...” Josh teased.

Her expression turned a little serious. “So...things with CJ went okay?” 

“Yes, stop worrying, things went fine,” he tried to assure her. “It was just another day at the office.”

Since she wasn’t getting much out of Josh, she decided to question her spies. “So did you guys enjoy your afternoon with Uncle Josh?”

“Yeah, it was fun. We watched ‘Finding Nemo’ and ‘The Wizard of Oz,” Jake reported. “Then we got to meet the president. He was nice. Hannah was scared of him, but I wasn’t."

Donna grinned. “Good for you, Jake."

“And then we got to meet the mean lady.”

“Mean lady?” 

“I think he means CJ,” Josh guessed.

“Why does he think CJ is mean?”

“I have no idea,” Josh said, hoping that would be the end of it.

“Because she was yelling and she called Uncle Josh an idiot boy," Jake supplied. 

"Thanks a lot, Jake," Josh grumbled. He was going to have to be careful what he said in front of them. Jake obviously absorbed everything he heard and wasn't very good at knowing when to repeat things and when to keep things to himself.

“I'm not calling you that, I’m just telling her what she said,” Jake he clarified before a look of mild panic came over his face. “We still get to go to McDonald’s, right?” 

Donna let out a little sigh. “Yes, Jake. We still get to go.” She glanced at Josh. “His single-mindedness is only matched by yours. I can tell you’re related.”

“Ha, ha, Donnatella,” Josh snarked. "Your humor is it's usual high wire act today."

Rather than giving him a snarky reply, Donna lowered her voice. “So why was CJ calling you an idiot?" 

“As I recall it was because she was tad upset with me,” he said.

“Care to elaborate?” Donna asked.

“Not really. I’d just as soon not go there again,” he told her honestly. “But needless to say, she has been notified of our plans for you to move in.”

“And she’s okay with it?” Donna prompted.

“It took a while, but yes, she’s on board with the idea.” 

She knew from his voice that there was more to it than that. “But...?”

He considered telling her about the transfer to Leo’s office, but he figured since it wouldn’t affect their day-to-day activities, it wasn’t worth going into.

“But nothing,” he insisted as they stopped at a traffic light. “Seriously, Donna, it was just a typical day in the White House.”

Continuing to suspect that there was more to it than that, she looked at him for a long moment, but decided she wouldn’t force the issue.

“Just a typical day?" she said skeptically as the light turned green. Given the fact that there was no such thing as another day at the White House, his statement only increased her skepticism. "Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of.” 

TBC


	3. Little Wonders: Chapters 11-15

**********  
Chapter 11

The next two weeks leading up to Thanksgiving were a busy time for the four of them. 

Jake and Hannah started at their new school and after a few adjustment issues for Hannah related to her not speaking and being away from anyone familiar, things went relatively smoothly.

But, like a change in the wind, things began to take a weird turn for the four of them as Thanksgiving arrived. 

Their first mistake was probably planning a large gathering that included inviting Sam, Charlie, Toby and CJ. It probably would have been better if they'd just kept things down to the four of them. 

Of course, when did they ever do anything the easy way?

About noon Thanksgiving, a loud knock sounded at Josh’s door. “I’ll get it!!” he yelled to Donna who was in the kitchen. Leaving the kids on the couch to watch the last of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, he got up and walked to the door.

As expected, he opened the door to find Sam, Toby and CJ standing on the other side. Each was carrying a contribution for the Thanksgiving meal. Sam had brought green bean casserole, Toby had a bottle of Jack Daniels and a plastic sack containing two unopened cans of cranberry sauce, and CJ brought up the rear holding what turned out to be a pumpkin pie and a cheesecake.

“Hey, guys, come on in,” Josh greeted as he moved out of the way.

“Happy Thanksgiving, mi amore!” CJ greeted as she took a deep breath. “Ooo, something smells great.”

“You know, I never knew Donna was such a great cook but she’s pulling out all the stops for dinner,” Josh said proudly. “Why don’t you guys bring everything into the kitchen and I’ll get you something to drink.” 

The four of them filed into the kitchen where Donna was basting a beautifully golden brown turkey.

“Hey, guys,” Donna greeted. Her cheeks were slightly pink from the heat of the oven but she looked like she had everything under control and she gave them a wide smile. "I'm glad you could all come."

Sam handed her the green bean casserole. "Charlie wanted me to tell you that he was sorry he couldn't be here. The President talked him into going to Manchester."

"I'm sure it didn't take a lot of convincing, since he'll get to see Zoey," CJ commented as she set the desserts down on the counter.

The kidnapping still fairly fresh in their minds, they all got quiet for a moment as they remembered how close they came to losing someone they all saw as everything from a little sister to a friend.

"Well, we all have a lot to be thankful for," Donna put in with a soft smile as she slid the turkey back in the oven and closed the door. "Now Josh, why don't you get our guests something to drink and then you can all go get comfortable in the other room."

"I think that's a nice way of saying we're being thrown out of the kitchen," Toby guessed.

"Now, Toby, what kind of hostess would I be if I did that?" Donna replied. "On the other hand if anyone wants to volunteer to help me..."

A look of mild horror came over all three of their faces, while Josh tried not to laugh out loud. 

"The closest thing I do to cooking is ordering take out," CJ warned. “And I bought the pie and the cheesecake.”

"Well, don't look at me," Sam said. "Despite Toby's assertions to the contrary, I am not a woman and I have no cooking ability. The green bean casserole is my one and only dish and that's only because all you have to do is pour things into a pan, stir it up and throw it in the oven."

Without missing a beat, Toby calmly looked at Donna. "I never said I minded being thrown out of the kitchen..."

Donna just laughed. "Okay, then get out of here before I put you to work. We'll be eating about one o'clock. In the meantime, I'm sure there's a game on TV or something you'd all rather be watching."

With a beer for Sam, a glass of white wine for CJ and a glass for Toby to put some Jack Daniel's in, the three of them quickly filed out of the kitchen, leaving Josh alone in the kitchen with Donna.

"Seriously, do you need any help?" Josh asked her.

Turning on the potatoes to boil for mashed potatoes, she smiled at him. "Nope, I've got it wired. You play host while I take care of the cooking."

"Okay, but you let me know if..."

Just then they were interrupted by Hannah's ear piercing scream.

"What the...?" Donna began.

With Donna on his heels, Josh ran to the kitchen doorway, just in time to see a streak that turned out to be Hannah, come flying into the kitchen and still squealing in apparent terror, all but fuse herself to Donna's legs. 

"Hannah? What's wrong, sweetie?" Donna said as she managed to pick her up. "Why are you crying?"

That didn't seem to calm her down any, so Josh turned back toward the living room. "What the heck happened?!" he demanded of CJ, Sam, Toby and Jake who were all wearing similar expressions of confusion and surprise.

"I don't know," Sam said. "We walked in here and said hi to the kids and she started screaming and ran out of the room."

"Hannah? Hannah, it's okay," Donna said, stroking her hair as they stood in the kitchen. "Please stop crying and tell me what's wrong." Hannah's screams degenerated into sobs as she buried her face in Donna's neck. 

Concerned that the little girl might be hurt or something really might be seriously wrong, everyone gathered in the doorway of the kitchen.

"Come on now, Hannah, it can't be that bad," Donna said gently. "Look at me."

Hannah finally seemed to respond to Donna and still crying, she lifted her head. But before she had a chance to look up at Donna, she saw everyone standing in the doorway and she started screaming again and tightened her grip on Donna as she buried her face against Donna's neck again.

If the problem was that there were too many people around, Donna thought maybe she'd have better luck if they were alone. "I'm going to take her into the bedroom, could you just keep an eye on the food and make sure nothing runs over or burns?" Josh nodded. "Jake, could you come with us?"

Jake nodded and the three of them disappeared into the bedroom. Hannah's cries slowly faded, leaving the four adults standing silently in the kitchen.

"Does she get like this a lot?" Sam finally asked.

"No, not really," Josh told him. "Actually, most of the time, she's very sweet. She just gets scared and upset easily, especially around new people or people she’s not used to. We're not always sure why. Sometimes she'll tell Jake why, but it would be a lot easier if we could get her to actually talk to us."

"But still, it must be hard to deal with when she gets like that."

He shrugged. "We're getting used to it and Donna can usually calm her down if I can't. Actually, I think I prefer the crying over the blank stare and silence. At least we know she's in there when she's crying."

"Josh is there any chance she has some kind of undiagnosed problem like autism or deafness?" Toby asked with quiet concern.

"We thought about that, but no. Donna took her to the pediatrician and a developmental specialist. Both of them examined her and said she's perfectly healthy and that autism is not her problem. Plus before her parents died, she appeared to be perfectly normal developmentally." He let out a breath. "I talked to Stanley Keyworth about it and he thinks what she really needs is some stability and patience. Her biggest hurdle is the talking. Once she starts talking to someone other than Jake, Stanley seems to think she'll be well on her way to getting better."

Toby nodded. "But otherwise things are going okay?"

Josh couldn't help but grin a little. "Yeah, they really are. I mean there's no way I could do it without Donna. She's been even more amazing than usual. She makes it look easy, but I know she's been running herself ragged. I definitely owe her a lot."

He didn't fail to notice the look that passed between CJ and Toby, but they didn't say anything more. 

"Did you get the DNA tests done?" Sam asked as he leaned against the counter and took a drink of his beer.

"Yeah, last week," Josh told him. "We used the lab that Mike recommended."

"How soon will you have the results?" Toby put in.

"Well, unlike what you see on TV, it's not a quick process. We probably won't get the results back until sometime around Christmas."

"What are you going to do if it comes back negative?" Sam asked quietly.

Josh considered that. "I don't know, Sam. I haven’t decided. If I’m not a blood relative, or a partial blood relative, I’m not sure how that would affect how child services in New York wants to handle things." 

Toby waited a beat before playing devil's advocate. "And what if it's positive?"

Josh looked at both of them for a long moment. He wanted to say that he was finding it harder and harder to think of a life without the kids and without Donna so close by all the time, but right now things were too new and too up in the air so he kept those thoughts to himself.

He sighed heavily. "I'd be lying if I said Donna and I aren't becoming attached to them and whatever happens, they're just innocent kids in all this." He dragged a hand through his hair. "Right now, I guess we’re trying to take things one step at a time."

Just then, Jake walked into the kitchen. “Uncle Josh, Aunt Donna wants to see you in the bedroom.“

“Okay, Jake, thanks.” He looked at CJ, Sam and Toby. “Despite your lack of cooking talent, do you think between the three of you, you could keep an eye on things in here?” They all nodded.

As Jake went back to the couch to watch the rest of the parade, Josh walked to the bedroom, where he found Donna holding Hannah in her lap. Although her face was red and her cheeks were tear stained, Hannah was no longer crying. 

“Hey,” he said. “Is everything okay?”

Donna glanced at Hannah and then back at Josh. “Well, yes and no.”

Josh frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Hannah’s fine, but...I found out what set her off and that’s where the problem comes in.”

“Okay, so what was it?”

Donna ran a hand over Hannah’s hair and sighed. “CJ.”

“CJ? What do you mean, CJ?”

“I mean seeing CJ is what made her start crying.”

“Why would CJ make her cry?” he asked in bafflement.

“According to Jake, it’s because CJ was yelling when you took them to the White House and now Hannah is scared she’ll start yelling again.”

Josh looked down into Hannah’s big blue eyes that were watching him with an expression well beyond her five years. “Is that true, Hannah?” he asked her. “Are you scared of CJ because she was yelling?”

Slowly, Hannah nodded. She’d finally started responding to them with a head nod or head shake the week before and it had been a huge leap forward in their ability to communicate with her.

Josh sat down next to Donna on the bed so Hannah was between them and he laid his hand on her back. “I know CJ might seem a little scary sometimes, honey. She’s tall and yes, she can be loud and sometimes she even hits me with file folders.”

“Josh...” Donna warned, worried that the image of CJ hitting people probably wasn’t going to help Hannah get over her fear of CJ.

“No, it’s okay,” he told her before turning his attention back to Hannah. “Hannah, CJ is kind of like my sister. In a way, we’re like you and Jake. Sometimes we yell at each other and make each other mad. Has Jake ever taken your toys or made you mad?”

Apparently absorbed in what he was saying, Hannah gripped her teddy bear and nodded.

“Well, that’s how it is for CJ and me. Sometimes I even make her so mad, she yells or hits me with file folders, but it doesn’t hurt and she’s just playing.” He leaned in closer to Hannah and rested his forehead against her temple. “Although for the record, I don’t think it’s nice to hit people with anything, so don’t get any ideas. Personally, I think tickling is much more effective.”

He lightly tickled her sides and made Hannah giggle and Donna smile as Hannah squirmed in her lap.

“No, but really, I want you to know that’s just how CJ can be, but then other times she’s is the quietest and nicest person you’ll ever meet,” he told her. “See something you have to understand about CJ is that when she’s at work she sometimes has to deal with reporters who want to say mean things about the president. You remember the president, right? You met him when I took you to work with me.”

Hannah nodded.

“Well, it’s CJ’s job to make sure the reporters don’t say mean things about the president and sometimes they make it really hard for her or they say mean things about me or Sam or other people that are our friends. It’s CJ’s job to protect us and sometimes that means she has to yell.” He tucked a bit of hair behind Hannah’s ear. “I know when you’re a kid, it can be scary to hear adults yelling and CJ hasn’t been around kids too much so she doesn’t always remember to stop yelling. But she’s definitely not mean or a monster and there’s absolutely no reason you should be scared of her. Okay?”

It took a long moment, but Hannah very, very slowly nodded. However, he could tell she was still very dubious and on the fence about what to make of CJ.

“Come here," he coaxed. Hannah crawled off Donna’s lap and into his. "Okay, how about this, if I hold you when we go back out there, do you think that you could try and not cry and at least give CJ a chance to show you she's not as scary as you think?" 

As if she was still trying to decide, Hannah looked from Josh to Donna. 

Donna gave her a smile. “Please, Hannah, won’t you at least try? Josh will be there to protect you if anything happens.”

“Although nothing is going to happen...” Josh added.

Hannah looked back at Josh again. She stared at him and then finally nodded.

Josh smiled and gave her a little hug. “That’s my brave girl,” he said as he stood up with Hannah in his arms. “Now how about we go and see what everyone else is doing?”

Hannah smiled at him and nodded and he carried her out of the bedroom.

Donna, who had risen when Josh had gotten up, stood there for a moment. She found herself unexpectedly on the verge of tears. Not sad ones by any means, but tears because she was so touched by how Josh acted with Hannah. She knew that because of her speech problem and the fact that she was a little girl, it was hard sometimes for Josh to relate to Hannah. At first, he’d really just relied on her to take point with Hannah, but over the last two weeks, he’d made a real effort to try and form some kind of bond with her. 

In addition to it being touching, Donna was finding this new side of him wildly attractive. The toughness and arrogance he often showed at work, contrasted with the patience and gentleness he often showed with the kids, fascinated her. Not that she needed anything else to find attractive about Josh Lyman, of course. The man already occupied her thoughts way too much for her own good.

In all honesty, she was finding living with Josh more difficult than she’d expected. The simple intimacy of working and living together, even if it was platonically, was a constant reminder that she wished it could be more.

Living with Josh after Rosslyn had been different. Part of that time he’d been all but incapacitated and it had been easy to keep her mind out of the gutter and to think of him as more of a patient than a man she was sharing an apartment with. Her focus then had all been about getting him healthy. But now he was healthy as the proverbial horse.

When they were alone, she usually tried to keep herself busy with cleaning and organizing and any work either of them had brought home, but her thoughts would invariably make the comparison between how he was with Jake and Hannah and how he would be with their own children. And when it was time to go to bed, it was hard not to think about how much she wished she was sleeping in his bed rather than by herself in the kids room. 

“Donna!” Sam called just then. “When does the turkey need to come out?!”

Remembering that she had a dinner to finish, she let out a breath and wiped away a stray tear with the corner of the apron she was wearing. Then she went out to check on the food.

*************

"You outdid yourself Donna,” Sam commented leaning back in his chair.

“Outdid?” Toby asked. “And we pay you to write speeches for the President of the United States?”

Sam shot him a dirty look, but ignored him otherwise. “In any case, dinner was delicious."

“It really was,” CJ agreed. “Who knew we had a young Julia Child in our midst?”

"Hey! I helped,” Josh insisted. “What about me?”

“Well, personally I think you’re more child than Julia but...” Toby quipped.

“Now, Toby, that’s not fair,” Donna jumped in. “He really was a big help. He opened the cans of cranberry sauce, mashed the potatoes, and carved the turkey.”

“Well, it was easy with my helper here,” he said to Hannah who was sitting in a booster seat in the chair next to him. “We make a good team, don’t we?” Hannah grinned and nodded. 

Having Hannah help him in the kitchen and then sitting her next to him at the table seemed to be best way of keeping her occupied and her mind off being scared of CJ. 

“So what are Andi and the twins doing today, Toby?” Donna asked.

“They went to Andi’s mother’s house in Maryland,” he told her.

Since he clearly wasn’t in the mood to elaborate, Donna turned to Sam. “How’s your family spending Thanksgiving, Sam?”

“My mother is spending today with my sister and her family in Pasadena and my father is playing house with his girlfriend,” he said fiddling with his empty beer bottle. 

"I’m sorry Sam, I didn’t mean to bring up a sore subject.” 

"Nah, it’s not a sore subject...well, not really sore anyway.” He let out a breath. “What about you? What’s your family doing?"

Donna took a drink of some warm apple cider she'd made. "Dinner at my brother's. They always do up a big spread, then tomorrow my mom will be hitting the after Christmas Day sales."

"God, I haven't done the day after Thanksgiving shopping thing in forever," CJ told them. “Donna, you and I will have to do those one of these days.” Knowing that if she didn't do something they were going to ask her about her own father, CJ decided to try and move the attention off of her life. "So Josh, how's your mother spending Thanksgiving?"

"She's in the Bahamas actually," Josh replied. "On one of those three day cruises with a bunch of her friends." 

"Sounds like fun," Sam commented.

"Can I call my Grandma?" Jake said suddenly.

Everyone turned surprised expressions on Jake. He hadn't said much during dinner and his request had been unexpected.

"Um, sure, Jake, I think that's a great idea. I know she'd love to hear from you," Donna told him. "I have her number in my purse."

"While you help him with that, we'll clear the table," Josh offered.

Donna nodded. "After we get done, we can have dessert. Come on, Jake. We'll go in the bedroom so it's quieter."

She and Jake got up from the table and after she got the number from her purse, they went into the bedroom. They both sat down on the edge of the bed and she dialed the phone number at the nursing home. After asking for Gloria Whitehall's room, she handed Jake the phone. She didn't quite know if she should stay or go, but she was actually kind of curious as to what he was going to say so she stayed where she was and listened to his side of the conversation. 

"Hello?" he said tentatively. "Grandma?"

He smiled a bit so Donna figured he must be talking to the right person.

"Happy Thanksgiving," he said with a little smile.

He paused.

"Turkey and stuff."

Pause.

"Good, Mom made better mashed potatoes, but there was lots to eat and everything was good," he replied. "We haven't had dessert yet."

Donna found it odd that his comment about her mashed potatoes hurt a little. It was silly to think that she'd do everything as well as Jake's mom had, in fact it was a useless idea to compete with a dead woman, but Donna had worked hard on making this a nice dinner and was a little disappointed that even some small part of it didn't live up to Jake's standards.

"I'm fine," he said next. "Yeah, she's fine too." He nodded as if Gloria could see him and Donna assumed he was talking about Hannah. "Yeah, they're nice to us."

She smiled at that. At least he thought they were treating them all right.

"It's okay," he said after another pause. "It's harder than my old one and some of the kids are mean, but I like my teacher."

Donna had wondered how he liked school. She was glad he liked his teacher, but his comment about the mean kids made her frown. He’d never said anything to her or Josh about having troubles with the other kids. She made a mental note to ask him about it later.

"Did you eat Thanksgiving dinner too?" Jake asked his grandmother next and then listened while she answered. "That sounds nice." He quickly glanced at Donna and then back to the spot on the floor he'd been staring at through most of this conversation. "I miss you, Grandma."

His simple comment made Donna’s heart skip a beat. It was easy for her to forget that the kids had so much more to lose than she and Josh did if this arrangement didn't work out. This call was just a reminder that everything the kids had ever known had been ripped away from them. And because of her failing health, even their grandmother, the last link to their past, would soon be gone. Donna couldn't help but feel a little sad for them. 

"Okay, I gotta go," he said quickly. "Yeah, I'll tell Hannah." With that he handed the phone back to Donna and she switched it off.

"How's your grandma?" Donna asked him.

"Fine," he said non-committally.

"Did she get some Thanksgiving dinner?"

"Yeah."

She paused for a moment. “Jake, you told her some of the kids are mean at school. Are they picking on you?” Not looking at her, his answer was to shrugged silently.

“Because if they are, you can tell me or your Uncle Josh,” she told him. “Maybe we can do something to help.”

He looked at her curiously. “Like what?”

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “Maybe we could talk to your teacher or something.”

Donna thought she saw a look of almost...disappointment flash in his eyes before he quickly looked away. “No, it’s no big deal.”

She didn’t really believe him, but she also sensed that he wasn’t going to react well if she pushed him. “Okay, but will you promise me something?”

He looked at her again. “What?”

“If it does get bad or you just want to talk about it, will you tell us?” she asked him.

“Yeah, I promise,” he said.

Donna wanted to give him a hug, but she wasn’t sure how he’d react. Contrary to what the social worker had told them, Hannah had turned out to be a very tactile child and she liked to be held. But she didn’t know if Jake would feel the same way. Testing the waters, she put her arm gently around his shoulders in a semi-hug and while he didn’t exactly lean into her, he didn’t pull away either so she took it as a good sign.

“You’re not alone, Jake,” she said gently. “If you have any problems, we want to help you. Okay?”

He seemed to consider that and slowly he nodded. “Can I go back out into the other room now?” he asked quietly.

Knowing she wasn’t going to get much more out of him, she didn’t press him any farther. "Sure, you go on,” she said with a smile. “I’ll be out in a minute."

Sliding out from under her arm and off the bed, Jake walked out of the bedroom. Getting up, Donna walked over and set the phone back down on its cradle. 

Standing there, she stared down at Jake’s school books that were lying on the small student desk they’d moved in for him to use. She didn’t know if this thing with his school was something to really worry about or just a case of him getting adjusted to a new school in a new city. In any case, she vowed to keep an eye on him for signs that things were getting worse.

Seeing a shadow pass over the desk, she looked up and was a little surprised to find CJ standing in the bedroom doorway. "Oh, hey, CJ."

"Hi, I just came to see what you were up to in here," she said.

Donna thought CJ’s voice was just a little too bright and for some reason she had a weird tingling at the back of her skull. "I was just straightening up in here,” Donna lied, although she didn’t know why she felt she needed to lie to CJ. “Then I was going to go clean up the kitchen."

CJ took a couple of steps into the room and took a look around. "Well, it looks like you and the kids have a little more room now."

"Yes, once we swapped our stuff and Josh's it was much better. Of course, Josh doesn't exactly like having to use the guest room, but he keeps the complaining to a minimum," she tried to joke.

"Did you ever figure out what made Hannah cry earlier?" 

Donna wasn't sure if Josh had told CJ about Hannah being scared of her and CJ was just testing her for some reason, but she decided to play dumb because she also didn't want to hurt CJ’s feelings in case he hadn't.

"Um, no," Donna lied. "Since she doesn't really talk, it's not always easy to figure out what upsets her."

CJ nodded. "So is Josh getting as good at this uncle thing as he looks?"

"Don't tell him I told you because it will only inflate his ego,” she said a grin. “But he really is. He loves to come home and sit with the kids and ask about their day. Hannah’s answers always come through Jake, of course, but he's really patient with her." She laughed softly. "And even though he sees me for most of the day, he includes me in his little Q&A sessions.” Of course, I usually tease him about my ‘slave-driving’ boss."

CJ didn't seem to share her amusement. She just nodded and sat down in the small desk chair. "So how are you feeling about this arrangement?"

Donna had the distinct impression that CJ was fishing for something and because of it, she chose to remain standing. "Fine...good. I mean it's a lot of extra work, but the kids really are great and I like to think that I'm doing a good thing by giving them a home when they wouldn't have one otherwise."

CJ cocked her head. "It doesn't make you feel like Josh's indentured servant?"

The barb, intentional or not, hit its mark, but Donna wasn't about to let CJ know that. She suspected that CJ had probably had a little more wine than she should have and was saying things she normally wouldn't. At least that’s what she hoped this little inquisition was about.

"No, not at all," Donna said firmly. "I mean, yes, it has meant more work for me and I don't get the sleep I used to, but Josh and I talked about this before hand so I went into it knowing what I needed to do. And I know that Josh appreciates what I'm doing."

"Oh, I'm sure he does,” CJ readily agreed. “And why wouldn’t he? From what I can see, you're the one doing all the work and he's reaping all the benefits."

Although on the surface CJ’s comment had insulted Josh, and that was bad enough, but Donna felt like CJ was taking a poke at her too.

"He does his part," Donna defended. "And as you probably know, he’s been coming home at a reasonable time just about every night." She smiled and tried to lighten the moment. "Well, at least ‘reasonable’ for him."

"I have noticed that," CJ replied. "Of course, it helps that Angela Blake is still around to take some of the things off his plate."

Donna couldn't help but blink at CJ's comments. She remembered Josh's earlier comments to Hannah about CJ being like his sister. Anyone hearing CJ’s comments wouldn't be inclined to believe that CJ felt the same way.

"It's not his choice to have her help," Donna said, trying to defend Josh.

"No, no, I know, you're right, it's not," CJ agreed with an odd look in her eye. "I'm just saying that once Angela goes away, and I think she will once things calm down, Josh isn't going to be able to come home at a 'reasonable' time so much."

Donna hadn't considered that. She'd really just thought that Josh was coming home when he did because he wanted to, not because he was out of work to do and had no other choice. Of course, she wasn't going to tell CJ any of that.

"Well, sure, I realize that ," Donna said. "But who knows, by then the kids might be gone and he won't need to try and come home earlier."

CJ looked at her for a long moment. "You really think there's much chance that Josh isn't going to keep the kids? He seems to be enjoying this uncle thing, especially with you helping him."

"I...that's up to him," Donna managed. "I'm sure he'll talk to me about it when he's ready to make a decision."

"I hope he will," CJ said. "If he does, be sure to remind him it's going to mean more work for you and more time alone for you and the kids if he goes back to working 18 hours a day."

Donna had reached the end of her patience with whatever game CJ was playing. "CJ, I’m not sure if you have a point to make, but if you do, I wish you’d make it.”

CJ looked a little taken aback by Donna’s very direct statement. “My point is...I don’t want Josh to take advantage of you.”

“I don’t think...” 

CJ didn’t let her finish. “No, I know you don’t think he would, but there are a lot of people who think he already has. I mean it’s hard not to notice that he’s got you doing double duty as his assistant and his...nanny.”

Donna really didn’t like the condescending tone in CJ’s voice. “I don’t think he’s taking advantage of me, CJ, and at this point I guess my say in this matter is the only one that counts.”

Softening her expression and her tone, CJ looked at her with almost...pity in her eyes. It made Donna’s turkey dinner churn uneasily in her stomach. 

“Donna, I’m not trying to hurt you,” she said. “I just don’t want you to wake up one day and realize you’ve wasted your life catering to Josh because you hoped he was going to do or feel something that you wanted him to and in the end he let you down. You deserve a life of your own.”

A sudden cheer came up from the other room and it startled Donna enough to make her flinch and she couldn’t think of a response to CJ’s comment. Her heart was beating hard and fast and she was sure that a slight blush of embarrassment had crept into her face. She felt cut open and laid bare. The possibility that Josh didn’t and never would return the feelings she had for him was a constant worry in her mind. It was one of the biggest reasons she’d hidden those feelings so carefully from him all this time.

“Please, CJ, I don’t want to have this conversation.”

CJ seemed to realize she’d gone a step too far and she rose from the chair. “I’m sorry, Donna, I just want what’s best for you.”

A flicker of sudden anger sliced through her embarrassment. Donna felt like CJ was treating her like a child...like some errant protégé, and as much as she respected CJ, she found she didn’t really like it. What’s more, regardless of what Josh did or didn’t feel for her, Donna didn’t appreciate the implication that he wasn’t good for her. If nothing else, he was her best friend and if they were never more than that to each other, she’d still consider herself lucky. 

“I’m a big girl, CJ,” she said keeping her voice level and straightening her shoulders a bit. “My relationship with Josh is complicated and I’m sorry if it makes things a little sticky for the White House, but it is MY relationship. I appreciate the advice, but I went into this with my eyes open and like I said before, I knew what I was getting into when I offered to help him. He’s been a good friend to me and this thing with his half brother and the kids has really thrown him. I intend to help him any way I can, for as long as he needs me.”

CJ just stared at her for a moment. If Donna didn’t know better, she could have sworn there was a mixture of surprise and almost...admiration in CJ’s eyes, which given their conversation, confused Donna to no end.

“I hope Josh knows how lucky he is to have you defending him,” CJ finally said.

The words were out before Donna could think better of it. “Well, everyone else is so busy attacking him, someone has to defend him,” she said pointedly.

Donna could tell from the coolness in her eyes, that CJ had understood her meaning perfectly.

Before anything more could be said, Josh appeared in the doorway with a sleeping Hannah snuggled in his arms. “Sorry to break up your girl talk, but Hannah here is dead weight and my arm is already asleep so I thought I’d put her down for a nap.”

Donna moved to pull the sheets back on Hannah’s bed. “It’s past her nap time anyway,” she said, her voice and manner sounding perfectly normal. “After all the excitement today, I’m surprised she didn’t go to sleep sooner.”

Josh slid Hannah into bed and made sure he tucked her teddy bear under her arm before pulling up the sheets. Standing up and stretching out his arm, he turned to Donna and CJ. “So what have you guys been up to in here?”

If he was actually suspicious about what they were talking about, he didn’t show it.

“Don’t we need to be quiet so we don’t wake her up?” CJ whispered with a frown.

“Nah, once you get her to sleep, she usually sleeps like the dead,” Josh said in a normal voice. “She slept right through the guys cheering for UCLA in the Rose Bowl.” There was a weird pause and Josh looked between CJ and Donna. “So what have you two been doing all this time?” he asked again.

CJ looked at Donna, who just shrugged. “Like you said, just girl stuff. You know, like which of the guys in the press corps have the cutest butts and whether the UPS guys or the FedEx delivery guys are more muscular.”

Josh grinned. “Did you tell her that, according to Joey Lucas, I have the cutest butt in politics?”

Donna rolled her eyes. “No, because we were talking about butts in the press corps and the last time I checked you’re not part of the press corps.”

“Well, you could make an exception and expand your discussion to include me, don’t you think?” he said smugly.

‘Oh, Josh, if you only knew,’ Donna thought.

“What I think,” Donna said instead. “Is that I’m ready to have a big slice of that cheesecake, how about you CJ?”

CJ nodded and when she spoke, her voice was carefully neutral. “Actually I think I’m going to have a slice of the cheesecake AND the pumpkin pie.”

As Josh stood there and watched them walk out of the room, seeming to be the poster girls for the Sisterhood, he had the distinct impression that he'd missed something.

Now all he had to do was figure out what it was.

**********  
Chapter 12

Stepping out into the corridor, Donna pulled the heavy door closed behind her. Her footsteps echoed loudly in the largely deserted hallway as she walked away from the classroom, but she didn't really get very far before she stopped. At that moment, her emotions were all over the map and she really needed to take a moment to gather her thoughts. 

Although there had been no new signs from Jake, Donna had received a phone call from his teacher about a week after Thanksgiving that seemed to confirm that her concerns about him were not without merit. The meeting she'd just had with Jake's teacher had only served to increase those worries exponentially. Worries that despite all she and Josh were doing, they were still failing Jake somehow.

And now she had to tell Josh about it and honestly, she wasn't sure how he was going to take it. She just hoped he didn't blame her for all of it.

Pulling out her phone, she dreaded calling him and only managed to stare at the phone for what seemed like an eternity. 

When she originally got the call from Jake’s teacher, she'd told him about it right away. While he didn’t share her worries about Jake, or at least the DEPTH of her worries, he had every intention of coming with her to the meeting. Unfortunately, that had all gone out the window when Leo had sent him up to the Hill that afternoon to gather support for a new education reform package the President was planning to send up after the first of the year. 

Aside from his trip to Haffley’s office with the President over the budget, it would be the first time Josh had been back to the Hill after the blow up over Carrick. What’s more, Angela Blake wasn’t going with him. Leo was sending him solo, which to Josh was the equivalent of Leo publicly saying he and the President had regained their political faith in him. Donna knew, and understood, that short of fire, famine or blood loss, Josh wasn’t going to miss the chance they were giving him.

As for Jake and Hannah, they didn’t know anything about the meeting with Jake's teacher. As usual, they were both sequestered with the other kids in the school's after-school program. Since she'd made arrangements to leave early to get to the meeting with his teacher, she was going to be able to pick them up at the same time she always did and they'd be none the wiser. 

For now anyway...at least until after she talked to Josh. 

Finally working up the nerve to call him, she thumbed the speed dial on her phone for Josh's cell. Although she was disappointed, she wasn't all that surprised when her call went into voicemail. She figured he was probably still up on the Hill with his meeting.

"Hey, Josh. It's me, I hope your meeting with the leadership is going well,” she paused for a second and let out a sigh. "I just got done with Jake's teacher and you and I need to talk about some things. I don't want to do it over the phone so I think we should do it in person tonight after the kids go to bed. I’m not going to talk to Jake yet, I’d like to wait until after you and I get a chance to discuss things. Give me a call when you get this and let me know when you’re going to be home tonight.” She paused. “Okay, well, I’ve got to go pick up the kids. I’ll talk to you later.”

Hanging up the phone, she dropped it back in her purse and took a moment to lean against the cool, brick wall of the corridor. An odd feeling of loneliness threatened to creep into her. She knew Josh was doing something important, but she really wished he could have come with her.

Long ago, she acknowledged that Josh was not the only compulsive fixer between them. Maybe she’d learned it from him or maybe it came from working in the White House, but she often felt a strong urge of her own to make things right. 

Of course, there was the small detail that the issues she usually wanted to make right were tied, either directly or by association, to Josh. 

Shoving that thought aside, she let out a breath, pushed away from the wall and straightened her jacket. In any case, she was going to do whatever it took to make this thing with Jake right. With that, she headed off to meet the kids.

**********  
Later that night, Josh trotted up the stairs feeling both tired and elated. After his meeting on the Hill today, he felt like he was back in the game. After Carrick they’d kicked his tail into next week, but today the leadership had finally seemed to be ready to listen to him again.

Trying the knob, he found it locked, which given the fact that it was almost midnight, didn’t surprise him. He’d called Donna earlier to let her know he got her message and although he told her he’d be late, he didn’t think it would be this late, but time had gotten away from him. Sliding his keys into the lock, he opened the door as quietly as he could in case Donna had given up on him coming home at a reasonable time and had gone to bed. Carefully dropping his bag by the door, he slid off his coat, toed off his shoes and walked into the living room.

One lamp was still on, as was the TV. The sound was turned way down, but the channel was turned to what looked like a ridiculous infomercial for an equally ridiculous knife that could cut through a car and not lose it’s sharpness.

As Josh came around the couch to turn off the lamp and the TV, he found Donna lying on the couch, sound asleep. The book she’d been reading was sitting open and face down on the coffee table. To his surprise, it wasn’t the trashy paperback he would have expected, but the David McCullough best seller ‘1776.’

He watched her for a moment. Her face was soft in sleep, her hair trailing across the cushioned arm of the sofa. Watching her, he had the oddest feeling, as if they were suddenly in the middle of a fairytale and he was supposed to kiss her to break whatever enchantment was keeping her asleep. 

Yeah, because he needed an excuse to want to kiss her.

With a little grimace, he shook himself. He chalked the moment of insanity up to the fact that it had been a long day and he’d been reading too many fairy tales to Hannah.

Still, he continued to stand there just watching her sleep. He wasn’t sure what was keeping his feet rooted to the spot more - the fact that he just liked watching her when no one else was around or the fact that he really didn’t want to have the discussion she wanted to have about Jake. Not tonight anyway. It was just too late and he was too tired. They’d talk about it tomorrow either at work or at home tomorrow night, but right now he just wanted to drop into bed and get some sleep. 

Finally pulling his eyes away from her, he picked up a blanket lying on the back of the sofa and carefully draped it over her. She must have been deeply asleep because she didn’t even stir as he switched off the lamp and the TV.

With his shoes off he made almost no noise as he made his way to the kids' room. Standing in the doorway, he took a look inside. The room was cluttered in a way that screamed three people shared it, but he had to admit that it was still neater than it had usually been when it had been his room. He attributed that to Donna’s almost ruthless organizational skills.

Both kids appeared to be sleeping peacefully enough. However, he did notice that Hannah's teddy bear was lying on the floor by her bed. Since she wouldn't go to sleep without it, he assumed that it had slid from her grasp at some point during the night. Walking over to the bed, he bent down and picked it up. He carefully tucked it under her arm and pulled her blanket up a little to cover her better.

As he stood up, he focused in on Jake and found himself frowning. What was this big issue that first the teacher and now Donna had wanted to talk to them about? What if it was something really serious and that’s why Donna wouldn’t give him any details over the phone?

He hoped it was just Donna being in the ‘mother hen’ mode she managed so well. If it was something other than that and Donna didn’t know what to do to fix it, then they were screwed. He’d been taking all his cues and his examples on parenting from her. 

Well, they'd just have to cross that bridge tomorrow. With a little sigh, he adjusted Jake's blanket and then shuffled off to his own room.

**********  
Donna's eyes flickered open. The sky was beginning to lighten outside and because she was used to waking when it was still completely dark outside, she felt terribly disoriented.

Something definitely wasn't right and she figured out what it was when her eyes landed on the cable box and she read the time display. It said it was almost 6:30 am.

"Oh, crap," she said sitting up suddenly. “Is that really the time?”

Wait a minute...her still sluggish mind protested. Where was Josh? Other than when he called to tell her he got her message and would be home late, she hadn't talked to him and she didn't remember him coming home last night.

What if something had happened to him?

Throwing off her blanket, she all but leapt off the couch and ran to his room, or rather the room he was using. Coming to a crashing halt in the doorway, her heart hammering in her chest, she felt equal parts of annoyance and relief as she saw the outline of his body lying under the ugly comforter she hated. She was also too annoyed to be amused by the sight of the pillow he'd pulled over his face.

It occurred to her then that he must have come in late last night, snuck past her and just gone to bed without waking her up. That sent another stab of annoyance through her. She hadn't meant to fall asleep on the couch, but in hindsight he should have woken her up so they could have had their talk about Jake or at least tell her he got home okay. 

Marching into his room, she snatched the pillow off his face and began to pummel him with it. 

"Snort...ugh...huh?" Josh said, trying to wake up and figure out what was happening. "What?...hey!!! Donna...what...what the hell?!"

Donna didn't lessen her assault on him. "This is for...not...waking me up...when you...came home...last night!" she said between swings. Since it was time for the kids to get up anyway, she didn't worry about keeping her voice low.

Fully awake now, Josh threw his hands and arms up and over his face as her blows with the pillow continued. "You were...asleep...I figured...you were....tired! I didn't...want to...wake you up!" he only half lied.

"Well, you should...have woken...me up anyway!!!" she shot back, as she continued to hit him.

"I'm sorry!" he yelled. "Now stop...hitting me!"

"You'd better be sorry...I was worried about you!" she replied, but her blows had begun to slow down. "And it's your fault that we...didn't get to have...our talk and that we are all...going to be late!"

With the blows slowing, Josh managed to finally grab the pillow and stopped her annoying but harmless assault. "Let go of my pillow..." he demanded. "...wait. Did you just say you were worried about me?"

It took a second for Donna to realize that was exactly what she had said. Her stomach suddenly pitched nervously. "Well, I...never mind about that," she said as she released his pillow and tried to redirect him.

If Josh hadn't been so surprised, he would have been grinning like an idiot. "Donna..."

"No, Josh, you should be more concerned with the fact that you're going to be late if you don’t get out of bed like...now and leave in the next 10 minutes!"

His surprise changed to a frown. "Why?"

“Because, Mr. Wizard, I didn’t set an alarm before I fell asleep on the couch and since you didn’t wake me up, I overslept and now it’s 6:35 in the morning.”

The panicked look on his face was almost comical. “But I've got Staff at 7!”

“I know!” she shot back as she headed out to get the kids up. “So you better get moving.”

“Crap,” he grumbled as he climbed out of bed and went to shave and take the shortest shower on record.

Ten minutes later, Donna was standing in the kitchen making toast for the kids to go with the cereal they were currently eating at the kitchen table. Luckily the kids took their baths at night so that would save them a little time. They were, however, both still in their pajamas. She’d learned early on that it paid to let them eat their breakfast in their pajamas. That way if they spilled anything, they didn’t ruin a clean school outfit.

As for her, Donna had changed out of her clothes from last night and into her robe so she could jump in the shower once Josh was out the door.

Just then, Josh came flying into the kitchen. Donna was just a little surprised that he was as put together as he was. He appeared to be showered, shaved and dressed...well, mostly dressed. His shirt was only half buttoned over his undershirt and his tie was hanging loose and untied around his neck.

As she watched him head straight for the coffee maker, she wondered for a moment if there was something twisted about the fact that she thought he looked sexy as hell.

“Aw, you didn’t make any coffee?” he whined as he finished buttoning his shirt.

Okay, so the whining wasn’t so sexy. A little endearing maybe, but not sexy.

“No, Josh, I haven’t had time,” she pointed out. “There’s coffee at work, you can get some there."

"Great, no coffee and I'm going to be late," he grumbled.

"You're not going to be late," she said taking his tie and efficiently beginning to tie it. "I called you a cab. It should be here...”

Just then three rapid honks sounded from the street outside. 

Sliding the knot into place, she smirked. “...any minute.”

He couldn't help but grin at her. "Have I mentioned how brilliant you are?"

"Why state the obvious?" she teased with a little shrug.

The cab honked again.

"Okay, I gotta go," he said stealing a piece of toast from the plate on the counter in front of Donna. "I'll try to be home earlier tonight so we can catch up." He ruffled Jake's hair, kissed the top of Hannah's head and turned around and kissed Donna full on the mouth.

Donna was too stunned to do anything more than stand there and let him kiss her. It was a good firm kiss that took her breath away and set her heart to pounding. Then his lips were gone as quickly as they'd arrived and part of her wanted to cry at the loss. Opening eyes she hadn't even realized she'd closed, she watched him trot over to the door and snatch up his coat and his bag.

"You guys be good," he called to the kids. "I'll see you at work, Donna."

And with that he was gone.

Donna stood frozen in the kitchen, her lips still feeling the imprint of his. Because the kids had been concentrating on their cereal, they hadn't seen the kiss, but it hadn't taken Jake long to figure out something was off since Donna was just standing there staring at the front door. 

"Aunt Donna, are you okay?" he asked her.

Donna blinked. "What?" she said still staring at the front door.

Part of her wished Josh would come back, throw open the door and staff meeting be damned, finish what he'd started.

"Are you okay?" Jake repeated.

His words finally seemed to penetrate Donna’s kiss-fogged brain. She yanked her eyes away from the door and snapped her head around to look at Jake. "What did you say?" She shook her head to try and clear it. "Oh, yes, I'm fine," she said setting the plate of toast on the table in front of them. "Um, you guys finish your breakfast while I go jump in the shower." 

Without giving them a chance to say anything else, she walked quickly to the bathroom and closed the door. She leaned heavily against the door and pressed a hand to her chest as if that would help to slow her pounding heart.

Josh had kissed her. 

She ran a hand over her lips. It was a good kiss. Okay, who was she kidding? It was an amazing kiss. At least for her. For all the effect it apparently had on Josh, he could have been kissing his mother. Worse yet, she wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't even realized he'd kissed her. That thought alone hurt more than she ever wanted to admit, even to herself.

The inevitable questions about what the kiss meant or didn't mean or how it might change their relationship tried to surface in her head, but she ruthlessly shoved them down, along with the hurt she felt. This thing between her and Josh had been going on for too long for her to get her hopes up over an amazing but probably accidental kiss. She'd been disappointed one too many times when they seemed to take one step forward, only to take that step back again.

No, she was just going to proceed as if nothing unusual had happened. If Josh had something to say about the kiss, then he could say it. Until then it was business as usual.

Now all she had to do was try and stop thinking about how good it had felt and unconsciously running her fingers over lips.

*********  
After promising the cabbie an extra twenty to break a few speed laws, Josh jogged through the doors of the northwest lobby. Glancing at his watch, he saw he was five minutes early and grinned triumphantly. He’d have just enough time to dump his stuff off and get to Leo’s office.

He counted himself lucky, beyond lucky that Donna had gotten up when she did and had called him a cab. He didn’t know what he’d do without her. He was definitely going to have to...

Oh, God.

The realization of what he’d done went through him like a thunder clap.

Oh, God.

Like any good train wreck, when his brain stopped, all the mental balls in his head went spinning in every direction. Josh suddenly felt like someone had pulled the earth out from under him and his stomach dropped into his feet.

His feet, of course, had stopped getting instructions from his brain and rather than slowing down to a walk, they just stopped almost in mid-stride. The problem with that was between his forward moment, the somewhat slippery soles of his shoes and the fact that they’d cleaned and waxed the floors the night before, his body kept right on going.

About that time, Sam, who’d just entered the lobby on his way to Leo’s office, saw Josh come into the lobby and had stopped to wait for him. He saw an odd look cross Josh’s face and with utter amazement, he watched as Josh slid gracefully across the last six feet of marble floor to where he stood waiting. Given that Josh was usually as graceful as a square tire, Sam thought it was quite the sight to see. 

“Hey, how’d you do that?” Sam asked him.

Josh’s brain hadn’t yet recovered from the revelation he’d just kissed Donna and it took him a moment to even acknowledge Sam’s presence. “What?” he said with a jerk of his head as if he’d just woken up from a dream.

“That thing with the sliding, how did you do that?” Sam repeated.

As if Sam were speaking in a foreign language, Josh frowned in confusion, then blurted out what was on his mind.

“I just kissed Donna.”

Well, those were the last words Sam would have expected.

Blinking hard, he looked around behind Josh, as if Donna was somehow hiding there. "When?" he asked.

"Now...before...” Josh stumbled. “...back at the apartment.”

“Why?”

"I have no earthly idea," he answered as he turned and headed for his office. Staff now forgotten, Sam followed him.

“Well, you were the one doing the kissing,” Sam pointed out. “I figured you’d have a reason.”

“Yeah, that would seem logical, wouldn’t it,” Josh said as he dumped his bag by his desk and sat down heavily in his chair.

Sam closed the office door. “What did you say after?”

Josh blinked at him. “After what?”

“After you kissed her! What did you say after you kissed her!” Sam said getting a little exasperated.

“That's just it, I didn’t say anything! I kissed her, said goodbye to the kids and left!”

Sam was stunned. “You kissed her and then you left?”

“At that point, I hadn't realized I’d kissed her. I was running late so I was in hurry and I didn’t even get any coffee!” Josh tried to explain as his desk phone rang and they both ignored it. “How am I supposed to be held responsible for my actions when I haven’t even had any coffee?!”

“Sorry, Josh, I don’t think even caffeine depravation is going to save you from this one.” 

A renewed look of horror crossed Josh’s face. “Oh, God.“

“What now?”

“In addition to saying goodbye to the kids afterward, I might have also said something to her like ‘see you at work’.” Josh dropped his head on the desk and banged his forehead on it a couple of times. “I am so screwed.”

“Yes Josh, I think it is safe to say that you are. Clearly, Donna’s gonna kill you.”

Lifting his head, Josh rubbed at his forehead. “Thanks for the newsflash, Sam. I appreciate your support.”

Sam was quiet for a moment. “How was it?”

“How was it?” Josh parroted. “What are we in the 5th grade now?”

Sam shrugged. “I was just curious. After all, this was Donna you kissed, not the counter girl at Starbucks.”

Defeated, Josh dropped his head on the desk again. “I don’t know. I can’t remember.”

Sam was amazed at how badly Josh had screwed this up. "You CAN'T remember?!"

"I know! Oh, this is so bad. Maybe I can plead..." Josh suddenly lifted his head. "Wait a minute..." Talking about it was jogging some things loose. "Wait just a minute..."

"What?"

Slowly, his addled, coffee-starved brain began to play back the kiss. The feel of her lips soft and yet firm under his. The scent of her body rising up to tantalize his nose. The little sound she made that was something between a sigh and a whimper. 

He rubbed a hand over his mouth. "Wow," he murmured. 

"What, did you remember something?" Sam asked.

Josh was saved from answering by a knock on his door. Without waiting a beat, the door opened and Toby appeared in the doorway.

“Did you two forget that Staff started 5 minutes ago? Leo tried calling here but you didn’t answer so he sent me down here to get you.” 

“Josh kissed Donna this morning,” Sam blurted.

“Sam!” Josh yelled.

“What? You would have told him or he would have found out eventually anyway,” Sam said.

“Is this true?” Toby asked very quietly.

“No, you wouldn't have found out because I hadn’t planned on telling anyone else,” he said glaring at Sam.

“Josh...” Toby said. His tone clearly said he wasn’t up for banter or cute answers.

“Yes, it’s true,” Josh admitted. “But it was sort of an accident.”

“How do you ‘accidentally’ kiss someone?” Toby asked. “I mean, did you trip and your lips just happened to land on hers as you fell?”

“No, of course not! I guess I meant to kiss her, I just didn’t...I, well,...I didn’t exactly...” he fumbled. “...plan it.”

“It’s good to see that you’ve thought this through,” Toby replied as he stared long and hard at Josh. “Now as much as I’d love to stand here and keep talking about your screwed up love life, we’ve got a staff meeting, so can we get to it before Leo sends one of those Marines with the big guns to march us there at gun point?”

“My love life is not screwed up,” Josh protested as he got up from his desk and followed Sam and Toby out into the hall.

“The events of this morning would seem to contradict you there,” Sam said as they walked over to Leo’s office.

“No, the events of this morning mean that my relationship with Donna is screwed up. My relationship with her and my love life are two different things.”

“Just keep telling yourself that, Josh,” Toby shot back.

Josh felt his temper rising. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he demanded.

Unruffled by Josh’s response, Toby rattled the change in his pocket. “It means this is exactly why CJ and I were worried about you and Donna moving in together."

"What are you talking about?" Josh said as the three of them paused outside Leo's door.

Toby glared back at him. "You know exactly what I'm talking about."

“No, I...” 

“Would the three of you get in here already!” Leo growled. “We don't have all day to wait for you!”

The three of them came into the room and Sam sat down in a chair next to CJ, but Josh and Toby remained standing.

“Now the first item on the agenda are the arrangements for the Christmas tree lighting next week,” Leo began.

"Everything's set, I've been coordinating with the first lady's office and I think we're good."

"I want lots of pictures," Leo told her. "Lots of happy family stuff. With everyone here, including Liz, Ellie, and especially Zoey, let's not waste the chance. After the kidnapping, we need all the good publicity we can get."

"Zoey's going to be here?" CJ asked in surprise. "She's coming back from Manchester?"

As Leo and CJ continued to discuss it, Josh leaned over to Toby. “I think you’d better explain yourself,” he whispered angrily. 

“Not that I have to explain myself to you,” Toby muttered back. “But what I was getting at was now that this has happened, there’s going to be some kind of awkwardness between you and your assistant and it's going to make working together hard for you.”

"That's not...."

“Hey! Jane and Maxine, if you two girls in the back row don’t stop gossiping, I’m going to have to separate you,” Leo told them angrily.

“Sorry Leo,” Josh muttered as he stood up straighter and looked forward. 

“Don’t be sorry,” Leo admonished. “Be quiet until you have something productive to add to the discussion.” He let out a breath and tried to find his place. “Now, item two. Josh are you ready for your meeting with the speaker today over the president's new education package?”

“Yeah, I’m set,” he said sending Toby a silent glare.

“Good, and for god sakes will you please try and remember the president wants his support on this, so try not to piss Haffley off.”

The thing with Carrick still fresh in his mind, Josh did his best not to cringe at Leo’s comment. “I’ll do my best.”

Leo kept a pretty close eye on him and Toby during the rest of the meeting and then he asked Sam and Toby to stay after to discuss the State of the Union speech. Consequently, Josh had to leave Leo’s office before he had a chance to do any more sparring with Toby.

He was half-way back to his office when he realized that Donna was probably in the office by now...if she hadn’t quit that is, and he still didn’t know what to say to her about the kiss.

Stepping cautiously into the operations bullpen, he checked her desk and saw she was on the phone and she didn't even look up as he walked by. Well, at least he knew she hadn't quit.

Trying to be as stealthy as he could, he walked past her desk and into his office. It was chicken, he knew, but he needed a minute to think up what to say to her. Dropping down in his chair, he tried to think of a strategy.

Should he apologize? Should he pretend it hadn't happened? Should he make a joke out of it or try and say something funny?

No, he should definitely not pick that option. Even given his ineptness with relationships, he knew that would be a mistake. He wanted to minimize any damage he'd done to their relationship, he didn't want to destroy it altogether.

His time to come up with a good course of action was cut short when Donna walked in and handed him his schedule.

"How did you know I was in here?"

"I keep telling you Josh, I'm tuned to you," she replied airily as she launched into his schedule. 

He couldn't help but frown. She sounded exactly the same as she did every morning.

"Now, this morning you need to make calls to the leadership to follow-up your meetings from yesterday, Sam wants an hour at eleven to discuss talking points for the State of the Union, you've got a lunch meeting that should take an hour, you've got your meeting with the speaker at two and..."

"Wait," he interrupted as he started to actually listen to what she was saying. "What's the lunch meeting?"

She looked up from her copy of his schedule, her eyes direct and he knew something was coming. "That meeting is with me. We're going to talk about a couple things we can't talk about in front of the kids."

Josh felt his stomach give a little lurch, she apparently hadn't forgotten about the kiss and wasn't going to let him off the hook.

"Is this about this morning?" he asked quietly.

An unreadable look in her eyes, Donna stared at him for a moment before she answered, or tried to. "Well, I wanted..."

"'Cause I'm sorry," he blurted. 

'Yeah, smooth Josh, really smooth,' he thought, immediately wanting to kick himself. 

Something flickered in her eyes, but he couldn't tell what it was. "About what?"

He could see she wasn't going to make this easy for him. "I'm sorry about the kiss," he clarified, even though deep-down he really wasn't a bit sorry. "It was all my fault." He couldn't seem to make himself stop talking. "I was in a hurry and it was a mistake. I didn't mean anything by it. Maybe it's this whole family thing. I kissed Hannah good-bye and I guess it just seemed natural for me to kiss you good-bye too. But I know that's no excuse, so I'm sorry."

There was a long, loud silence in the room and it made him frown again. He'd basically just apologized to her. That should have fixed things. So why did she look like she was ready to throw something at him?

Donna stood there, hoping that her face wasn't flushing with the same sense of embarrassment that had rolled through her. As much as she'd tried to prepare for this, it still hurt. Right about then, her heart felt like it was bleeding steadily and she was almost surprised that a trickle of real blood hadn't begun to stain the front of her silk blouse.

Unfortunately, she'd been right. The fact that she'd predicted his response was small comfort. She would have been more than happy to be proven wrong. Her secret hope that they might have taken a step forward after the kiss had just been dashed by his apology that had just yanked them firmly back into place. 

Well, if he wanted them in their place, then who was she to argue? God forbid she should do anything to upset the proverbial apple cart.

She smiled at him and wondered if her face would crack from the force of it. "As much as I appreciate your apology, what happened this morning was not what I wanted time to talk to you about."

Josh frowned up at her in surprise and confusion. "It's not?"

"No. What happened this morning was no big deal," she lied.

"It wasn't?" he replied.

Did she hear disappointment in his voice? Donna wondered. "No, it wasn't. I know you were running late and I just figured it was an accident," she told him briskly. "Our meeting is about Jake and what's going on with him."

Josh blinked. "Oh, right. Sure, that makes sense."

"Do you need anything else?" she asked as pleasantly as she could.

Josh was staring at her as if he was trying to work out a really tough geometry problem. "Um, what?" he finally said. "Oh, no. I guess I'll see you for our lunch meeting."

She nodded and headed for the door, then she paused and turned back to him. "Oh, I figured I'd bring lunch for our meeting. You want your usual hockey puck and cholesterol sticks?"

Since she was bringing some kind of banter, snarky as it might sound, he'd try and do the same. "Well, gee, Donna, when you put it like that it sounds so appetizing, but yes, I would like usual well-done hamburger and fries. Here..." He started to reach for his wallet.

"No, that's all right, I got it this time," she said. Right at the moment, she wasn't overly fond of the idea of taking money from him, even if it was for something as small as lunch.

"You sure?" he said in surprise.

"Yeah, I'll take care of it," she said. Just like I always do, she added silently as she walked out and left Josh staring after her with his mouth hanging slightly open. 

**********  
Donna appeared in his doorway at noon on the dot, lunch in hand. Sam was still in Josh's office discussing the State of the Union, but as soon as Josh saw her standing there, he not-so-subtly kicked him out.

Setting the food down on his desk, she casually closed all the doors in his office and then sat down in one of his visitors' chairs. Josh simply sat at his desk and watched her. After nudging the styrofoam package containing Josh's lunch over to him, she picked up her salad, flipped open the top and took a bite. When he didn't make any move to even open the container, much less each the lunch she'd brought him, she cocked her head.

"What's wrong? Don't you like your lunch?"

As if he'd been daydreaming, Josh shook himself. "What? Oh, no...I mean yes, I'm sure it's fine," he said opening the container. 

Sure enough it looked like the same properly cooked hamburger she always brought him. The funny thing was, he was almost disappointed. Part of him had hoped she might bring him a salad or a healthier kind of sandwich. She'd been badgering him ever since Rosslyn to eat healthier and although it often annoyed him, he recognized that when she made him eat something healthy, it was a sign of how much she cared. Obviously, she wasn't in that mode today.

"You weren't eating, so I wondered."

Picking up the burger, he took a bite. It tasted like it always did, but he found today that he really didn't want it. Since she'd paid for lunch herself though, he didn't want her to think he didn't appreciate it.

"Yeah, it's good," he replied around his mouthful of hamburger.

"So..." she began. "About Jake."

"Right. What did his teacher want to see us for?" he asked popping some fries in his mouth. They didn't taste any better than the burger.

"She has some concerns about Jake."

"What kind of concerns?"

"Well, he hasn't been turning in his homework like he should."

Josh frowned. His internal drama with Donna over the kiss now pushed to the background in his head. "He's not doing his homework? How is that possible? He's a smart kid. He hasn't said anything to me about needing help. Has he been asking you for help?"

Chewing on her salad, she shook her head. "No, in fact whenever I ask him about his homework, he tells me he's done with it and I trusted him to tell me the truth."

"But he isn't?"

She shook her head. "No. According to his teacher, he's been getting progressively bad about turning in his homework."

"I thought you told me they gave the kids help with their homework after school?" he replied.

"They do, but they have to ask for help," Donna told him. "They don't MAKE them do it. His teacher says that he usually reads or plays with Hannah during his after school time."

Josh considered that. It didn't seem like an insurmountable problem. "Okay, well, you and I can just monitor his homework better and if that doesn't work, then we could get him a tutor or something."

"I already planned on monitoring his homework and helping to make sure he's doing it. His teacher, Miss Wilkins, is going to be sending home a weekly list of his homework assignments and one of us is going to have to check to see that he's doing everything and then sign off on the list and send it back."

"Okay, I think we can do that, don't you?"

"Yes, but..." she hesitated as they got the part that really worried her. "The problem might be bigger than him just not doing his homework."

"What do you mean?"

"The teacher thinks he may be having some emotional problems," she said.

His response was pretty much the same as hers had been during the meeting with Jake's teacher. "Emotional problems?!"

"Yes. She said he's been withdrawn and isolated from the other kids. He's not even trying to make friends."

"He's in a new place...a new school, he just needs time to adjust," Josh argued.

"It goes beyond that," she argued back. "Miss Wilkins said he got in a fight on the playground..."

"A fight! Why are we just hearing about this now? I thought this school you picked out was a good one!"

Donna tried not to feel defensive at his comment. "It IS a good school, Josh! They didn't tell us about the fight because no one was hurt. It wasn't very serious, more of a shoving match between Jake and one of the boys in his class because they were teasing him. But the teacher thinks it's going to get worse if we don't do something."

"Maybe they need to do their job of watching the kids so they aren't picking on Jake or getting in fights!"

"Calm down Josh, they were watching them. That's why no one was hurt, they broke it up before anything serious happened."

"It seems to me if they'd been watching them better, things wouldn't have even got that far!"

Clearly, he was upset about this and she tried to choose her next words carefully. "Josh, his teacher and the school psychologist..."

"The school psychologist?! How did the school psychologist get involved?"

"It's policy for them to send students to the school psychologist after a fight or scuffle or whatever. They kind of debrief them."

Josh tried to control his temper. "Okay, that kind of makes sense."

She could see he was trying to stay calm and she hoped he could still manage it after she told him the next part. "Well, anyway, they suggested...and I agree that Jake may need to see someone...a professional someone about some of these problems."

Getting more agitated, Josh got up from his desk and paced a bit. "You mean therapy? Geez, Donna, the kid's eight years old! He's a great kid. Besides he doesn't have any emotional problems, not serious ones anyway, Hannah’s the one with the issues."

Knowing this was important, Donna didn't back down. "No, I think Hannah's issues are just more obvious. I think Jake’s a very angry and lost little boy, Josh. He's dealing with the loss of his parents, living in a strange city with new people, and going to a different school with all new kids. You have to admit that's a lot to for an 8-year old to deal with."

Josh's own experiences with long-term therapy colored his reply. He didn't want the same thing for Jake if he could help it. "You're right, he has had a lot to deal with, but I don't necessarily think that's a reason to send him to a shrink."

"Josh..." she tried.

"No, I think he just needs some time to adjust," Josh insisted. "We'll work on the homework thing and we'll talk to him about getting into fights or making friends or whatever, but I'm not ready to start him on psychoanalysis yet."

"But Josh..." she said, her voice pleading him to reconsider.

He cut her off. "No, Donna, it's my decision and my decision is no. We are not sending him to a therapist. If things do get worse we can talk about it again, but for now the answer is no."

Donna felt like he'd slapped her. So much for them being in this thing together. He'd just slammed the door on her. While she did have a certain number of rights where Jake was concerned, they pretty much all hinged on Josh's agreement. If he didn't go along with something she wanted to do for the kids and chose to fight her, he'd have the law on his side and there'd be very little she could do. 

Not to mention the fact that if it got ugly, he could throw her out of the situation altogether. Not only would she lose both the kids, but Josh too.

Closing her nearly empty salad container, she stood up. "You're right, Josh, it is your decision." She tossed the container in the trash by his desk. "I'll take care of the homework thing, I'm sorry I bothered you."

Without another word, she turned and strode out of his office.

**********  
Chapter 13

It was no surprise that things got instantly awkward between the two of them after the discussion in his office. Josh was in meetings for what was left of the day and by the time he got done with his meeting with the speaker and debriefed things with Leo, Donna had already left to pick up the kids. 

As he stood staring at her empty and neatly organized desk, Josh knew he’d crossed the line with her, but he couldn’t help the way he felt. Donna and the school had to be over-reacting to this thing with Jake. Jake just needed some time. After Joanie’s death, Josh had needed some time to get over what happened, but he’d done it on his own and he hadn’t needed to see a shrink. So, in his opinion, neither did Jake.

Of course, as he tried to sell himself that argument, the only way he could do it was to patently ignore the little voice in his head. The voice that pointed out that even before Rosslyn, Josh HAD needed to see a shrink. And the voice that posed two very big questions. Would he have healed faster and more completely after Joanie’s death if he’d had therapy back then? And would his PTSD have developed at all if he’d had therapy right after the shooting at Rosslyn?

But neither of those questions were acknowledged, much less answered and Josh went back into his office trying to think of a way to make it up to Donna without giving in on his position.

**********  
Setting the bowl of mashed potatoes on the table, Donna settled into her chair. Since the bowls were a little heavy for either of the kids to manage, she had them pass their plates to her. As was their habit, she filled Jake’s with steamed veggies, lemon chicken and mashed potatoes first and passed it back to him before starting on Hannah’s plate. She did Hannah’s second because she always took the time to make sure everything on Hannah’s plate was cut into small enough pieces.

Once he got his plate back, Jake waited patiently until she’d given Hannah her plate, then he dove right into his. One thing she could say about Jake was that he seemed to like her cooking. It helped that he had a very healthy appetite and wasn’t overly picky about his food. 

Hannah, on the other hand, was very picky and it was often a challenge to get her to eat, especially anything that was a vegetable or healthy. In that way, she was very much like Josh. Usually Donna ended up making deals with her to get her to clean even the small helpings off her plate.

“I’ve got apple cobbler in the oven for dessert later,” she told them, knowing it was Hannah’s favorite. “Whoever cleans their plate gets ice cream with it.” That seemed to spur Hannah on to do more than pick at her dinner.

The three of them ate in a comfortable silence for a bit and Donna knew that it was time to broach the subject of school and homework with Jake.

“Where’s Uncle Josh?” Jake said, before Donna could begin.

“He had to work late tonight,” Donna said evenly, even though it was a guess. Honestly, she had no idea where Josh was. He hadn’t seen fit to come home yet, or call and she had no intention of calling him to find out when he was going to grace them with his presence. 

“Do you think he’ll be home in time to have dessert with us?”

Donna didn’t know the answer to that either, she just hoped Josh wasn’t staying away because of what happened between them in his office today. If he was, the kids would be the ones to suffer.

“I don’t know, Jake. He’s been working on some important things,” she said, not wanting to give the kids a clue that something was off between her and Josh. ”Unfortunately, his job makes him stay late sometimes.” 

“Oh,” Jake said, the disappointment clear in his voice. “I was hoping he might be home by then.”

Donna felt her heart give a little lurch. The sense of failure and inadequacy she’d had back at the school the day before came flooding back over her. “Is everything okay, Jake?” she asked gently. 

“Yeah,” he said with typical 8-year old evasiveness.

Donna was still learning that where Jake was concerned, it was better to ask questions with answers other than yes or no. A yes or no question, usually got a yes or no answer.

“What did you want to talk to him about?” she said, trying to give him an opening.

“Nothing, I just...I like talking to him,” Jake replied before shoving a spoonful of potatoes into his mouth.

“Oh, well, I know he likes talking to you too,” she said.

Jake looked up from his plate in surprise. “He does?” he mumbled around the potatoes. Swallowing hard, he tried again. “He does?”

“Of course, he does,” Donna told him. 

Jake didn’t respond, but the little smile on his face told Donna what she needed to know. 

“I’ll tell him you wanted to talk to him,” she promised. Of course that meant that she had to actually speak to Josh to do it, but she’d find some way to let him know. Maybe she could leave him a note.

With Jake apparently in a better mood, Donna thought it might be the perfect opening to talk to him about school.

“Um, Jake, speaking of talking to people. There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

Jake frowned in surprise. “There is?”

“Yes.” Donna toyed with her potatoes for a moment and then realized she wasn’t really doing much for her authority figure image by playing with her food so she laid down her fork and put her hands in her lap. "I met with your teacher yesterday."

Donna instantly saw something change in Jake's eyes. It was like he was withdrawing from the conversation even though he was still there physically. When he didn't say anything, Donna pressed on.

"You’re not in trouble or anything, but Miss Wilkins said that you've been having some trouble getting your homework turned in," she said, trying to keep her tone firm but understanding. When Jake, again, didn't have anything to say, she prompted him. "Is that true?"

Staring down at his plate, he merely shrugged.

"Jake, could you please look at me." She waited as he slowly lifted his head and met her gaze. "Are you having problems turning in your homework?"

Jake visibly squirmed in his chair. "Sometimes."

"Are you getting it finished though? I mean do you finish it and you just forget to take it to school or turn it in?" she asked.

Looking back down at his plate, he shrugged again. "I guess."

Trying not to let his answers, or non-answers frustrate her, Donna mentally counted to five. "Do you need help with it?" she asked next. "With your homework I mean. Because you know that Uncle Josh and I would be happy to help you with it, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

It was pretty obvious that Jake wasn't going to be overly talkative about his homework. "Well, your teacher and I talked about it and I think we’ve come up with a plan to help you get it done and turned in. From now on she's going to send me a list of your homework assignments every week. I'll be going over each assignment with you to make sure you've finished it. Then we’ll pack it in your bag to take to school and I'll sign the list and send it back to her. Okay?" 

Silently, Jake continued to play with what was left of his potatoes. Hannah, who had been watching their discussion with avid, but silent interest, picked at the last two bites of her chicken.

"Jake?" Donna said quietly, but with a certain command in her voice. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Yeah," he said with a nod, but he didn't look up.

With his current attitude, she hated to go farther, but she felt like it was now or never. "Jake...honey," she said softening her voice. "Could you look at me again please?"

Her voice must have gotten through to him, because he looked up at her again. She almost suspected that he might be crying, but as she looked at him, she saw his eyes were dry and his face largely expressionless.

"She also told me that you've been having some trouble with the other kids at school and that you got into a fight or something with one of the other boys this week."

A look of surprise and embarrassment flickered across his face as he leaned back in his chair and stared at her.

"Is that true?" she prompted. 

Jake’s small body seemed to shrink down farther in the large wooden dining room chair as if he were hoping to slip away from the conversation they were having. But slowly, he nodded.

Donna wanted to understand. "Have they been picking on you and teasing you?"

Again, it took a little time, but he nodded.

“Is that what you meant when you told your Grandma that the kids at your school were mean?”

“Yes,” he finally said out loud.

Trying to reach out to him, Donna stretched her hand over the table toward him, but when he showed no sign of moving closer, she let it rest on the table where it was. “Can you tell me what they’re doing or saying to tease you, Jake?” she asked gently.

For a long time, he didn’t say anything. “They just say stuff,” he finally said.

“What kind of stuff?” Donna probed.

“Just stuff,” he said enigmatically.

Donna could see she wasn’t going to get him to give specifics. “Okay. Well, I know this is easy for me to say, but when they do that you should tell us or tell your teacher about it. Maybe we can help.”

“You can’t help,” Jake said quietly. 

The hopelessness she heard in his voice nearly brought tears to her eyes. How could an 8-year old child sound so hopeless?

“How do you know unless you give us a chance?” she said softly.

“I just know.”

Every instinct she had was telling her that something was deeply troubling this little boy and he needed to see someone who was equipped to help him deal with it. She vowed to bring the subject up again with Josh. Maybe if she waited a couple days, Josh might have enough time to get used to the idea, and she could talk him into changing his mind.

She didn’t know what else to say to him. “Well, try not to get into any more fights okay?”

Jake just nodded. “May I be excused?”

Donna noted that he hadn’t cleaned his plate, but somehow she knew she wouldn’t have the heart to deny him some ice cream with his dessert later. 

“Yes, you may,” she told him. “Take your plate into the kitchen and put it by the sink.”

She watched as Jake slipped out of his chair and cleared his plate. “Jake?” she began when he came out of the kitchen and walked past the table. “Do you have any homework left to do?”

He shook his head.

“Are you sure?” she pressed, even though she was pretty sure she already knew the answer.

He merely looked at her without speaking, but her voice and their earlier conversation must have gotten to him because slowly he nodded. 

“Good. Why don’t you go ahead and get started on it and after I finish the dishes, I’ll come in and take a look at it, okay?”

He nodded and without another word, he went into the bedroom.

With a little sigh, she turned to the table’s other occupant. “And as for you, my little Pixie, that last bite of chicken and one piece of broccoli are not going to disappear by themselves, no matter how much you push them around,” she teased. “So I’ll make you a deal. I’ll eat the last piece of broccoli on your plate if you’ll eat the piece of chicken. What do you say?” 

With a grin, Hannah nodded. She stabbed the piece of chicken and popped it in her mouth, then she handed Donna the fork. Donna used it to skewer the broccoli and ate it with equal gusto making Hannah laugh.

If only everything was so easy.

**********  
It was nearly 10:30 by the time Josh got home that night. He'd be lying if he denied the fact that he’d put off coming home for as long as possible. For all his time thinking, he still didn't know how to fix things with Donna without giving in on the thing with Jake.

Although he figured that the kids would be in bed, he was a little surprised, not to mention disappointed, that Donna had apparently turned in too. He'd been dreading the idea of coming home and having things out with her. But apparently, she'd outflanked him by not planning on having a discussion with him at all.

Standing in the entry, he hated how still and quiet the apartment was. As far as he could tell, the only light on in the place was the light over the kitchen stove that she must have left on for him. Walking into the kitchen, he saw there was a note taped to the front of the microwave. 

Josh,

I fixed you a plate of leftovers in the fridge. Put it  
in the microwave for 3 minutes on high and it  
should be hot enough. There's also some apple  
cobbler in a bowl next to the plate. Nuke it for 2 minutes.

Oh, Jake asked about you tonight. He misses  
you. Try and take some time with him tomorrow.

D-

He was glad that Jake wanted to talk to him, but he hated that Donna, for all the warmth she had put in the note, could have been the housekeeper. Idly, he wondered if SHE missed him at all.

Finding himself not very hungry, he tossed the note in the trash and switched off the light.

He made his way to the bedroom and started to undress in the dark. He had his shoes, tie and jacket off when he felt the overwhelming need to look-in on the occupants of the other bedroom.

Slowly walking down the hallway, he stopped in the bedroom door. Hannah liked to sleep with a small nightlight and although it didn’t make a lot of light, there was enough so that it wasn’t hard to see everyone in the room.

Both kids were snuggled down in their beds as he expected, but any hopes he had for finding Donna awake were dashed. She was lying in her bed with her back to him. The even rhythm of her breathing led him to assume she was sleeping.

"Donna?" he whispered, just in case he was wrong and she had just gone to bed or wasn't completely asleep.

His whispered inquiry went unanswered and he felt his heart sink a little more. He hated the distance that had already formed between them.

God, he’d botched this thing from start to finish. 

Even though he stood by his position that Jake didn't need to see a shrink, he recognized now that he should have at least discussed it with Donna rather than flying off the handle the way he had and issuing decrees like some kind of dictator. He still wasn’t sure why he’d reacted so strongly to her suggestion.

With a sigh, he dragged a hand through his hair. Well, it was pretty obvious he couldn’t do anything about it tonight. He'd just have to work on it tomorrow. With that, he turned, and shoulders slumped, shuffled back to his room. 

**********  
As Donna heard Josh’s footsteps fade away, she allowed herself to take a deep, almost shuddering breath.

It had taken all of her self control to keep her breathing even and not sniffle when she'd felt his presence in the doorway.

When she’d gotten into bed a half hour earlier, she had every intention of going right to sleep. Instead, she’d found herself crying almost from the moment her head had hit the pillow. Not sobs, but largely silent tears that had effectively soaked the corner of the sheet she was currently using as a makeshift Kleenex.

She supposed that she should have stayed up to talk to him, to reason with him, to MAKE him understand that Jake needed help, but she just hadn’t been up to going another ten rounds with him again so soon. What she thought they needed was a chance to go to their mutual corners before they came out swinging again.

Which made her tears all that more annoying. If she was really so comfortable with the idea of waiting, why was she lying there crying? What did it solve?

Absolutely nothing, and yet, she couldn’t seem to make herself stop. What had happened with Josh had cut her to the bone. It had served to demonstrate just how little power she had in their relationship and how little Josh valued her part in their “family.” 

Maybe CJ had been right. Maybe she was little more than an indentured servant waiting for the master to be or feel something that he was never going to.

That thought of course, only served to make the tears flow harder.

She was so absorbed in her internal struggle that she jumped about nearly a foot when she felt the touch on her shoulder. Turning over, she was surprised to see Hannah standing by her bed with her teddy bear clutched in one arm. 

“Hannah?” she whispered with a concerned frown, her tears now forgotten. “What are you doing out of bed?”

The little girl watched her for a moment, then reached out with her little hand and wiped a tear off Donna’s cheek.

“Don’t be sad, Aunt Donna,” she whispered.

Stunned, Donna simply blinked at her. Opening her mouth, she was going to say something about the fact that Hannah had just spoken to her for the first time, but she quickly closed it again. Part of her worried, perhaps irrationally, that it would somehow break the spell or reverse whatever had given Hannah the courage to speak and keep her from doing it again.

Hannah held out her teddy bear. “You want to hold Bentley?” she whispered softly. It was the first time they’d ever heard the name of Hannah’s teddy bear. “He helps me not be sad.” 

Now Donna wanted to cry for a whole new reason. She was immeasurably touched that this sweet little girl would overcome her own issues to try and comfort her.

“I tell you what, Pixie,” Donna whispered with a smile as she swiped the sheet across her face. “Maybe if you and Bentley sleep with me tonight and keep me company, I won’t be sad. What do you say?”

It didn’t really seem to be much of a decision to Hannah. She smiled back at Donna and clambered up onto the bed. Donna held the covers back so Hannah could slip underneath. She must have had some practice sleeping with her parents, because she snuggled right down. She placed Bentley between them, then wrapped her little arms around Donna’s neck and laid her head against Donna’s shoulder.

Something swelled almost to bursting in Donna's heart as she gathered Hannah in her arms, pulling her close. With Hannah’s head right under her chin, Donna smiled as she breathed in Hannah's fresh, sweet scent. She’d given Hannah a bath that night and now she smelled like baby powder and...Strawberry Shortcake bubble bath. Before she'd started living with the kids, she never knew that you could actually smell innocence, but as Donna took another long breath, she knew it was exactly what she was smelling now.

The sweetness of the moment drove away any lingering tears over her fight with Josh...at least for now. It also served to remind her that she wasn't doing all this extra work this just for him, but also for these two innocent children who needed her.

With that thought in mind, she finally let her mind shut down and within a few minutes, she and Hannah were both asleep.

**********  
Climbing out of the cab, Josh paid the driver and then paused at the curb to look up. Every light in his third floor condo seemed to be blazing, which was to be expected since it was only about 7 in the evening. Although he could have lingered longer at work, he’d made a concerted effort to get out of there at a reasonable time. 

The kids would still be up, so he planned to get some time in with them and then he and Donna were going to talk. That is if she was still willing to stay in the same room with him for a situation that wasn’t work related.

It had been three days since his blow up with her and even though he wasn’t ready to concede on the thing with Jake, he knew it was time to resolve things.

Even people at work were noticing things were off between them. Of course, they hadn’t tried too hard to hide it. At the White House, Donna only spoke to him when she absolutely had to and in all honesty, he’d been avoiding her like the plague.

Never suspecting what had really brought it on, Toby, CJ and Sam had all made comments to him that indicated they thought the awkwardness was due to the ‘accidental’ kiss he’d shared with Donna. And while he could have told them the truth, he hadn’t done anything to contradict them. The last thing he wanted to do was delve into the subject of his or Jake’s mental health with them. Going into it with Donna was one thing, doing it with them was completely another.

So, he’d decided today that he was tired of the awkwardness that seemed to penetrate all their interactions of the last few days. If he had to apologize for being an ass, then he would. After that maybe they could have a rational discussion and he’d help her see things from his point of view.

Letting out a determined breath, he trotted up the stairs and punched in his key code that would let him into the foyer of his building. Checking the mail box, he found it empty and assumed Donna had already gotten to it.

Making his way upstairs, he had to squelch the urge to knock at his own door. When had he begun to feel like an outsider? Probably about the time he’d started coming home after everyone was in bed. 

Viciously, Josh shoved that thought away. "Hi, everyone, I'm...." Josh began as he let himself into the apartment and found he was alone. "...home." He dropped his stuff by the door. "Is anyone home?!" he called trying to keep his tone light.

"Back here!" Donna called from the bathroom.

Josh took it as a good sign that she’d replied. Walking into what used to be his bedroom, he saw Jake sitting at the small desk they'd put in there for him to use. Instead of doing his homework, like Josh expected, Jake was playing some kind of video game on the desktop computer.

Jake risked shifting his glance away from the monitor as Josh walked in. "Hi, Uncle Josh."

"Hey, Jake, how's it going?" 

"Fine," Jake said a little distractedly as he went back to shooting aliens.

Josh watched him for a minute. "You finish your homework?"

"Yeah," he said with a grunt.

"Good," Josh said with a satisfied nod.

Obviously, Jake had other things on his mind than talking to him, so Josh headed toward the open bathroom door where he heard laughter and splashing. Something in his chest uncurled slightly at hearing such a happy sound.

As he moved to stand in the open doorway, he took a moment to just take in the scene. Still wearing the clothes she’d worn to work that day, Donna was kneeling on a towel next to his Jacuzzi bathtub. Hannah was having a grand old time splashing in the jets and bubbles and playing with the numerous tub toys that surrounded her as Donna tried to wash her hair.

“You know, from the way you're splashing around, I think I’m going to stop calling you Pixie and start calling you Hannah the Fish Girl,” Donna told her with a grin as Hannah just laughed and waved at Josh.

Smiling, he waved back to her. Clearly and not surprisingly, between Hannah and Donna, Hannah was having more fun. Donna looked decidedly on the bedraggled side. Water droplets dripped off her bangs and her hair, which she’d pulled back into a messy pony-tail looked damp. Whether it was from the steaminess in the bathroom or Hannah’s splashing, he couldn’t tell. Although Donna’s back was to him, from what he could see, the front of her blouse and her pants had gotten wet as well. 

“Hey,” Josh said carefully, hoping to test the waters with Donna.

She glanced at him. “Hey,” she said simply, before focusing back on Hannah.

The fact that she'd answered him with anything more than a glare gave him hope that they might work things out.

“I think maybe I should just take a bath with you next time," she teased Hannah as she rinsed the shampoo out of her hair. "It would be faster and I wouldn’t get much wetter than I am now.” 

That sent Hannah into a new fit of giggles as water cascaded down over her head. 

“How’s it going?” Josh asked, trying to jumpstart the conversation.

Donna looked back at him again, this time her face registering a little surprise and maybe a certain...wariness. 

"Fine," she answered vaguely, but he heard just the hint of softness in her voice that had been missing in the last few days. "We're going to have dessert when I'm done with Hannah's bath," she added.

Her implied open invitation made something begin to melt in his chest. Maybe she was just as ready to bury the hatchet as he was. "Sounds good," he replied with a nod. "Do you need any help giving her a bath?"

"No, you'd better stay back or you’ll get your suit all wet," Donna told him. "Besides, we're pretty much done." She gave Hannah one final dousing and pulled the plug. With a slight groan from her sore knees, she stood up to get a towel.

When she did, she turned toward him for the first time and Josh instantly felt all the spit dry up in his mouth. 

As he'd suspected, the front of her clothes were all wet. Not just wet, she was soaking wet from her shoulders to her knees. Normally, that fact would have been a little funny, but there was nothing amusing about the fact that the silk blouse she was wearing and the bra she had on under it were now nearly transparent. The view of her breasts was spectacular. To top things off, no pun intended, Donna must have been a little chilled from the water, because her nipples stood proudly at attention. 

The small part of his brain that was still getting any blood was telling him to say something to her about it or hand her a towel. Unfortunately, the points south that were hogging most of the blood right about then were keeping his mouth from working or from doing anything else but stare at her. In a way it was good he didn't have any spit in his mouth because if he had he'd probably be drooling.

Then Donna was speaking to him and it took all his concentration to actually process what she was saying. "Oh, by the way, did you see Jake when you came in?"

He felt his mouth working, but it took a couple of tries to make any sound to come out. "Uh...um...yeah....he's in the...bedroom."

Donna frowned a little, probably at Josh's odd behavior, but she turned and pulled a towel off the rack. "Was he doing his homework?" she asked as she wrapped the towel around Hannah and lifted her out of the tub.

He watched as Donna stood her by the tub and started to dry her off. With Hannah and the large towel between them, some of the blood began to migrate back to his head. "No. I think he was playing a video game."

Donna's frown deepened as she toweled Hannah's hair. "He's supposed to be doing his homework."

Feeling like he was missing something, Josh blinked in confusion. "He said he was done."

"Oh, well, I'll look it over as soon as I finish with Hannah," she said still looking a little dubious.

Josh took off his jacket and laid it over the hamper. "I can finish up with her if you want," he told her trying to be helpful.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'll get her dried off and dressed in her pajamas."

"Okay," Donna said with a nod. "Her pajamas are on the toilet lid. I'll take care of her hair after we have dessert."

Josh was beginning to feel like things really might be okay between them. "Sounds like a plan," he said taking the large towel from her and starting to rub at Hannah's hair.

Donna picked up some of the other wet used towels and moved to lay them on the counter. Looking up at the wide mirror, she gasped when she saw how revealing her clothes had become. Her eyes flicked over and met Josh's in the mirror. She was annoyed, not to mention a little aroused when she saw the truth reflected in them.

There wasn't a flicker of surprise there. He was well aware of the unintended peep show, and had chosen not to say anything.

Well, she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of letting him see her embarrassment now.

"I didn't realize my clothes had gotten so wet," she said evenly as she slung one of the towels around her neck so it hung down over her breasts. "I guess I'd better change after I talk to Jake." She ignored the guilty, but oddly unapologetic look he gave her as she walked out of the bathroom.

Just outside the bathroom, she took a step to one side so Josh couldn't see her and she pressed her hands to her suddenly warm face. The idea that he'd been ogling her both mortified and intrigued her. She tried to squash the latter by focusing on the former. How could he not tell her? And she thought things were finally getting better between them.

Letting out a breath, she dropped her hands and squared her shoulders. She couldn't think about that now. Right now she needed to see to Jake.

Still playing his video game, he apparently hadn't noticed her presence as all. "Jake?" she said walking around to stand in front of him.

"What?" he said, not pausing in the least from his pursuit of saving the universe.

"Did you finish your homework?"

"Yeah, all done," he grunted.

Glancing at the top of the desk, she saw his math workbook laying open to the page he'd been on when she'd started Hannah's bath and the rest of his books also looked to be right where they'd been earlier. 

"Can I see it please?" she asked.

"What?" he said with a note of annoyance in his voice as he continued to pretty much ignore her.

"Can I see your homework?" she repeated patiently.

"Later. I'm playing right now."

"Now, Jake," she said still not raising her voice.

"No!" he snapped not looking away from the computer. "I'll show you later, I'm trying to beat my high score."

"Jake, you know as well as I do that this game lets you pause and save your place," she pointed out. "Now, you have to the count of ten to do just that or I'm going to turn off the computer for you and you'll have to start all over again."

He appeared to ignore her and so she began to count. She got to eight before he finally hit the pause button and started to close it down. When he put the joystick down on the desk, he looked up at her with a defiant glare, which she did her best to ignore.

"Thank you," she said calmly. "Now let me see your math homework."

He snatched up the math workbook and thrust it at her. Taking it from him, she looked it over. Because she already knew what he was supposed to have done, it was obvious to her that he hadn't done much of anything for that night's assignment.

"Now let me see your spelling work." She knew he was supposed to write out each of the words ten times. 

This time he didn't even move, but at least he looked a little guilty, as if she'd caught him with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Where's your spelling homework, Jake?"

"I didn't do it, okay!" he blurted. "Are you happy now?!"

Hearing Jake yell, Josh appeared in the doorway with Hannah in his arms. He was so stunned by the scene unfolding, all he could do was stand there and watch as he held Hannah. 

"No, Jake, I'm not happy," Donna said, softening her voice. "I'm worried about you. Why aren't you doing your homework?"

"I don't want to," he said petulantly.

"But why, Jake? Can't you tell me?"

"I don't know!" he yelled. "I just don't!"

He was clearly getting angry but she continued to try and get through to him. "But Jake, you're a smart kid. Don't you want to do well in school?"

"Why do you care?" he challenged. Rather than yelling, this time his voice was almost a growl.

Donna blinked in surprise and took a step back as if he'd slapped her. "Because I care about you...I care what happens to you."

"No, you don't! You don't even like me, you only like Hannah!"

Another step back. "That's not true, Jake," she said honestly. "I love you and Hannah both."

"No you don't! You just like to boss me around!!? He stood up, his chest heaving as his anger threatened to get the better of him. 

"No, Jake, I'm just trying to help you," she said taking a step forward to try and reach out to him.

"I don't need your help!" he yelled as his anger bubbled over. "I can take care of my self and I can take care of Hannah!"

"But Jake..." Donna pleaded with tears in her eyes.

He started shoving things off his desk. Books, papers, anything that wasn't nailed down went flying. "You can't tell me what to do!! You're not my mom!!" he screamed.

"I'm not trying to..." she said tearfully. 

His anger blinding him, Jake grabbed the nearest thing still remaining on the desk, which happened to be the keyboard. "I hate you!" he yelled as he jerked on it.

It was a wireless keyboard so rather than being tethered to the hard drive it came easily off the desk. The unexpected momentum sent it flying out of Jake's hands and across the room....and right at Donna.

She saw it coming and jumped back and sideways to get out of its path. In doing so, she caught her foot on something and she fell. As she went down, she crashed sideways into a heavy wooden dresser and let out a little cry of hurt surprise.

A sudden and deafening silence followed as things in the room settled. What he'd done finally seemed to crash over Jake and he stood there frozen and watching Donna with a tormented expression on his face.

Josh had been equally immobilized until he heard Donna sniffling and crying softly as she knelt on the floor. That jolted him into action.

"Donna!" he exclaimed as he set Hannah down and rushed past Jake to where Donna was on her hands and knees. 

In addition to crying a bit, Donna was gasping a little as if she were trying to catch her breath. "Are you okay?" he asked kneeling down beside her. He wanted to touch her, to reassure or comfort her, but he was afraid he might hurt her further.

"I...yeah. I think..." Her breath caught again as she slowly and carefully sat down on the floor. "...I just got the...wind knocked out of me." She dropped her head down for a moment to try and collect herself. Pain sang through her side where she'd connected with the dresser. "Is Jake okay?"

Josh turned to look behind him where Jake should have been and his stomach dropped. He wasn't there. "Where is he?"

Ignoring the ache in her side, Donna craned her neck to looked around Josh. "Go check and see if he's in the other room."

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked worriedly.

She nodded. "Yes, I'll be fine. I'm more worried about him right now." 

As Josh got up, Donna saw Hannah, dressed in her pink Hello Kitty nightgown, standing in the bathroom doorway where Josh had left her. Her eyes were huge and tears were running down her face. "Come here, honey, it's okay." As if Hannah had only been waiting for an invitation, she flew across the room and threw herself into Donna's arms.

Hannah's knee inadvertently hit Donna's sore side and she had to bite her lip to keep from crying out as the renewed pain sent dark spots swimming into her vision. 

Meanwhile, Josh raced into the living room. What he saw sent a wave of terror right through him.

The front door was standing wide open.

He ran back to the bedroom where he found Donna still sitting on the floor holding Hannah. "Where's Jake?" she managed.

"He's gone," Josh said a little breathlessly.

Her fears for Jake trumped any pain she was feeling in her side. "What do you mean?"

"I mean the front door's open and I can't find him." He swallowed hard. "I think he ran away."

They exchanged a long, worried look. "Oh, Josh," she finally said with a tremor in her voice. "We have to find him."

**********  
Chapter 14

"I'll go after him," Josh told her without hesitation. "You stay here in case he comes back."

"Okay," Donna said still a little breathless from her fall and Hannah’s knee. "Take your cell and call when you find him."

"I will," he said as he was already up and moving.

"And it's cold outside so take a coat for you and Jake!" she yelled to him even though it sent a jolt of pain through her side.

After grabbing his cell and their coats, Josh tore out of his building, nearly running down a young couple walking by on the sidewalk.

“Did you see a little blonde haired boy run past here?” he blurted.

“No, sorry,” the male part of the couple answered as they continued on their way.

Josh stood there on the sidewalk, looking left, then right and then left again. It was dark and cold and there was absolutely no sign of Jake. He could be anywhere. A million worries went through his head.

What if he ran out in traffic and got hit by a car? What if some psycho just happened to be trolling the neighborhood and snatched him off the street? What if he got lost and Josh couldn’t find him before he froze to death in the frigid December weather? What if his current mental state made Jake want to hurt himself just like Josh had done on a hauntingly similar December night years earlier?

Given the time that had passed and the fact that he was woefully out of shape, Josh figured the best plan would be to take the car to find him. He’d be able to cover more ground in the car than Jake would on foot. Luckily, the keys to his apartment were still in his pocket and his car keys were on the same ring.

Running to where his car was parked near the front of the building, he jumped in and jammed the key into the ignition. Trying to calm himself so he didn’t peel out of the parking space, Josh pulled into the light evening traffic. He had to make a conscious effort to clamp down on his tendency to rush blindly ahead as he searched for Jake. He knew he had go at a slow pace or he’d risk missing Jake, who could easily blend into the many dark corners, alleys and doorways that Josh drove past.

As he searched, the voices of guilt and recrimination began. This was entirely his fault. Why hadn’t he listened to Donna? Obviously, she’d been right on the money about Jake needing help. While there was no way he thought Jake meant to hurt Donna, his burst of anger and running away was a clear sign that he needed a lot more than time to adjust to all the changes in his life. 

It occurred to Josh with an uncomfortable jolt that his role in this situation was not unlike Leo’s had been the Christmas after Rosslyn. With one big exception, of course, Josh, unlike Leo, hadn’t listened to Donna’s concerns. 

What if Leo hadn’t listened to Donna that Christmas? How would things have turned out differently for him? While he hadn’t exactly been thrilled to be made to talk to Stanley, Josh wouldn’t in a million years deny that it had been what he’d needed. 

And now he knew it’s what Jake needed too, he’d move heaven and earth to see that he got it. 

Now all he had to do was find him...

“Where are you, Jake?” he muttered. “Come on, give me a sign here.”

Trying to go in a grid pattern, he went around block after block, expanding his search area and driving slow enough to be able to scan the sidewalks, alleys and any other places he thought an eight-year old might be hiding. It was also slow enough that he got some honks from drivers behind him, but he ignored them.

If he couldn't find him, and soon, Josh knew the next step would have to be a call to the DC police, the local child services office and the ACS in New York.

Wait...what was that?

His heart in his throat, he narrowed his eyes as he drove past a dimly lit bus stop. A wave of relief rushed over him. 

It was Jake. It had to be. 

What other small child would be alone on a bus stop bench this late? Although he couldn’t see Jake’s face because his head was down, the mop of blonde hair and the red t-shirt and jeans Jake had been wearing were his biggest clues. As was the fact that the child wasn’t wearing any kind of coat or sweater.

In case Jake might take off before he could get the car parked, Josh nearly left the car in the middle of the street, but he spotted a miraculously empty space right near Jake and he whipped the car into it. 

Snatching his cell phone off the seat, he dialed Donna and kept his eyes locked on Jake in case he tried to take off again.

The phone only rang once before Donna answered. "Josh?"

His response was immediate. "I found him."

"Thank God," she exhaled in relief. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, I think he's fine. He's sitting at a bus stop a couple of blocks from the apartment. I'm going to go get him now."

"Okay, don't be long."

"We won't."

Snapping the phone closed, he ripped the keys out of the ignition, grabbed Jake’s coat and jumping out of the car, he jogged toward the bus stop. He was torn between feelings of relief and happiness and even anger that Jake had endangered himself by taking off and making them worry.

All that fled and was replaced with a sympathetic sadness when he got closer and took a good look at Jake. He was sitting on the end of the cement bus stop bench under a flickering street light. Being so small, his knees were drawn up tightly to his chest and his feet were perched on the edge of the bench. His arms were wrapped around his knees and his face was pressed into them.

While he couldn’t hear him doing so, Josh knew from the slight shake in his shoulders that Jake was crying and his heart went out to him.

Slowing his steps so he didn’t startle him, Josh stood at the end of the bench before he spoke. “Jake?” he said gently.

Jake’s head snapped up and Josh could see he’d been right. Jake had been crying. His face was wet and splotchy and his eyes were red and a little puffy. Josh had been ready to grab him if he bolted, but to his surprise, he made no attempt to move from his spot. 

There had been a flash of confused surprise in Jake’s eyes when he’d looked up and saw Josh, but now, as he stared at Josh he merely looked...resigned. 

“Can I sit down?” Josh asked him.

When he finally realized Josh was actually waiting for permission, Jake finally spoke. “I guess."

“Thanks,” Josh said as he sat down next to Jake. He was sure to leave a little bit of room so the boy wouldn’t feel crowded. 

Josh rubbed his hands together from the cold. “Wow, it sure is cold out here tonight,” he said trying to keep his voice casual. “And look, you without a coat. If you’re not careful, you’re going to catch pneumonia or something.” He held up Jake’s coat. “You’d better put this on.”

Jake continued to stare at him, but didn’t make any move to help him or say anything as Josh settled the coat around him. 

Even in his own wool coat, Josh leaned back against the freezing cold stone bench and tried not to shiver. He was just glad it wasn't snowing. “So what are we doing out here tonight, Jake?” he said.

As if a wave of guilt had swept through him, Jake finally pulled his gaze away from Josh and stared down at his knees. His only answer to Josh's question was a shrug.

"'Cause I gotta tell you, it's getting pretty late. In fact, if I'm not mistaken it's almost dessert time," Josh said trying to think of something that might lure him back to the apartment. "So what do you say? Wanna go and get some dessert?"

Jake looked up, but instead of looking at Josh, he stared at the warm light spilling out from the brownstone across the street.

"Is Aunt Donna okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, Jake, she's just fine," he said, hoping he wasn't lying. He hadn't had time to really check her out before he ran out to find Jake, but he felt reasonably sure that she was okay.

Tiredly, Jake's feet slid off the bench and he slumped further into the seat. "I guess this means you're going to send me away now, aren't you?"

Josh blinked in surprise. He hadn't been expecting that comment. "No, not at all. Why do you think that?”

He spoke as if it were the only logical conclusion. “Because of what I did.”

“Jake..."

Suddenly, Jake turned and looked at him. "Uncle Josh, I don't care what happens to me, but please don't send Hannah away," he pleaded. "She likes it here.”

"What about you?" Josh asked quietly. "Don't you like it here?"

Jake looked away again. "Yeah, but..." his voice trailed off.

"But what?" Josh prodded.

New tears trickled down his face. "I wrecked it."

Josh wanted to hug Jake, but he sensed that the moment wasn't quite right. "Why do you think you wrecked it?" he asked instead.

"Because..." he stumbled. "...because I got so mad and said all those things and Aunt Donna fell."

"Why did you get so mad?" 

"I don't know!" Jake wailed as more tears ran down his face. "I just...I couldn't help it. I didn't mean what I said Uncle Josh, I swear!"

Josh looked at him for a long moment. "I know you didn't, Jake," he said gently.

A confused frown split Jake's forehead. "You do?"

Josh nodded. "Look, Jake, I'm not going to say that it was okay you got so angry and I'm not going to say that it was okay you were throwing and destroying things. But what I am going to say is that Donna and I don't think it's all your fault and we're going to try and help you so it doesn’t happen again."

"How?" 

Josh let out a little breath. “Jake do you know what a psychologist is?”

Jake frowned. “No.”

“Well, basically it’s someone, a special kind of doctor, that’s trained to talk to you about things and helps you work out problems. Sort of like a mental doctor. He...or she can help you figure out why you got so mad.”

“Someone can really do that?” 

“Absolutely,” Josh told him. He debated for half a second before he continued. “Can I let you in on a secret?”

Now Jake looked intrigued. “A secret?”

“Yeah, well, it’s not a huge secret. Donna knows and most of my friends know, but I don’t want the whole world to know.”

“I won’t tell anyone,” Jake promised solemnly.

“I appreciate that,” Josh told him with a smile.

“So what’s the secret?” Jake whispered conspiratorially as he moved a little closer to Josh.

Josh leaned sideways a little as if he were taking Jake into his confidence. “The reason I know so much about psychologists is that I’ve been to see one.”

“YOU HAVE?” Jake said, clearly surprised by the revelation.

“Yep, actually I’ve seen a couple of them.” 

Okay, so with all the shrinks he’d seen in his life, he had a veritable “team” of psychologists, but he didn’t see how that was going to add to the conversation with Jake.

Jake of course, asked the next logical question. “Why?” 

Josh tried to think of the best way to explain it all. “Well, it’s kind of a long story, but I guess the most important part for you to know is that it all started a few years ago when I was hurt pretty badly.”

“How did you get hurt?” he asked with wide eyes. “Were you in an accident like Mom and Dad?”

“No, Jake, it wasn’t anything like that.” Josh let out a breath. He was a little surprised at how hard it still was to talk about. “I got shot.”

“You did?” Jake said as his eyes went even wider.

“Yes, right about here,” he said pointing to the side of his chest. “It was an accident, well, it was sort of an accident, but I almost died and I was in the hospital for a long time.” He paused. “And although my body healed, I found out that some things up here...” he tapped his temple to indicate his head. “...didn’t.” 

Jake sat quietly as he waited for Josh to continue.

“The Christmas after I got shot, I started feeling...funny. I got mad for no reason and yelled at people a lot. I also started having nightmares and I couldn’t concentrate and I kept remembering the night I got shot so much so that it was like I was getting shot all over again.”

"YOU had nightmares?"

"Actually there are times, usually when I'm really stressed or upset about something, that I still have them," he admitted. "They're not nearly as bad as they used to be though."

“So is that why you went to the special doctor you told me about?” Jake asked a little breathlessly.

“No, not at a first,” Josh told him. “I didn’t think anything was wrong, not really wrong. I figured that I was just stressed and it would go away and I’d feel fine again. Besides, I didn’t want people to think I was weak or couldn’t handle things on my own.”

“What happened?”

“Well, Aunt Donna and a lot of other people who care about me got together and made me go to see someone,” he exhaled and held up his palm. “But not before I did this.”

In the flickering fluorescent light, the two white scars that bisected the palm of his hand were visible. The fact that his hand was pale from the cold only made the scars stand out even more. The smaller of the two ran across the top of his palm and the larger, more jagged one ran from the pad at the base of his thumb up over almost half the width of his palm. 

Jake ran his fingers over the scars. “What happened?”

“I got really upset one night and rammed my hand through a window in my apartment and cut up my hand.”

"Why?" Jake asked in confusion.

"I don't know. Like I said, I just got all upset and before I knew it I was looking at a broken window."

"Kind of like me tonight," Jake replied quietly.

Josh nodded. “Yeah, that’s kind of what I was thinking. So you see Jake, sometimes even adults need help dealing with things.”

They were quiet again as Jake continued to trace the scars on Josh’s hand with his small fingers. Josh could all but hear the wheels turning in his head.

As if he’d made a decision, Jake looked up at him. “Does anyone have to know about me going to the psycho doctor?”

Josh chuckled. “The word is psychologist or if it’s easier for you to remember they’re also called therapists and no, of course no one has to know,” Josh replied. “Well, except for Aunt Donna and maybe your teacher.”

At the mention of his teacher, Jake’s face fell a little. “Oh, my teacher would have to know?”

“I don’t know for sure, I’ll have to talk to Donna about it,” Josh told him. “Can I ask why you don’t want her know?”

“Well...” he began. “It’s not that I don’t want HER to know, but I don’t want the kids at school to find out.”

“I’m sure she’d keep it to herself if she knew,” Josh assured him.

“Then I guess it’s okay if she knows.”

Josh looked at him for a moment. “Jake, are the kids at school giving you a hard time?”

Slowly, Jake nodded.

“Can you tell me what’s been going on?”

Jake shrugged. “They call me names.”

“Like what?”

For a moment, Josh didn’t think Jake was going to answer him. “Jake the Flake,” he said so softly Josh almost missed it. “Stuff like that. They think I’m weird.”

Josh felt his own temper rising. Kids could be so mean. Of course, it was a foregone conclusion that they were children of Republican dimwits.

“Donna told me you got into a fight on the playground with another boy,” Josh told him in a calm voice. “Is that why? Was he calling you names?”

Jake looked down and very slowly, he shook his head. “No.”

Josh blinked in surprise. “Then why were you fighting?”

“They were calling Hannah names.”

Josh hadn’t expected that and he frowned. “I thought Hannah’s preschool used a different playground for recess.”

“They do, but some of the kids stay after school like Hannah and I do so they know that she’s my sister and she’s...different.”

“So you got into that fight because of her?”

Jake nodded. “They were calling her stupid and retarded girl.” He looked at Josh. “They shouldn’t say those things about her.”

“No, Jake, you’re right, they shouldn’t and I’m glad you want to defend Hannah, that makes you a good brother, but you really shouldn't get into fights."

"Then what do I do?"

"Well, I want to tell you that you should just ignore them." Josh smiled. "But Donna would probably just tell you story after story about how I couldn't ignore it when people said mean things to me or about me." 

"What do you do when you can't ignore them?"

Josh blew out a breath. "Usually I yell back at them and get myself in trouble so maybe I'm not the best person for you to ask." He looked down at his hands for moment. "I guess the best thing to do is to stay away from the kids that are calling you and Hannah names and if you can't stay away from them, then you should at least TRY and ignore them."

"Okay," Jake agreed. "I'll try."

“Good,” Josh replied. "I think it might also be a good idea if you told us and your teacher when stuff like that happens."

Jake frowned.

"What's wrong?"

Jake looked at him for a very long moment as if he were trying to figure something out. “It won’t help,” he finally said.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because it didn’t help before.”

Now it was Josh’s turn to frown. “Before? Before when?”

“When Hannah and I were at the old house.”

Josh realized he must be referring to the New York foster home where he and Donna found the kids. “Why? What happened there?”

Jake sighed and looked down at his knees. “The kids were mean to us there too,” he said quietly. “...especially to Hannah.”

Josh’s heart dropped. “What did they do?” 

“They teased her and called her names and a couple of the bigger kids liked to shove her around and pinch her when no one was looking.”

Josh felt a wave of anger go through him at the thought of children hurting other children, especially when the other children was someone as sweet and unassuming as Hannah. He had to work hard to keep his voice even when he spoke next. “Did you tell the lady that ran the place?”

Jake leaned forward a little and looked down at the sidewalk. “Yeah, and I wish I hadn’t.”

“Why?”

“She talked to the kids about leaving us alone, but it made things worse,” he told Josh. “They still did what they always did, but after she talked to them, they started doing more.”

“Like what?”

“They started taking Hannah’s teddy bear when we were sleeping and they’d hide it. Hannah cries a lot when she doesn’t have her bear,” Jake said. “Then...a couple of times they locked her in a closet. Hannah doesn’t like the dark and it made her scream and cry. I tried to unlock the door myself it but I couldn’t get it open.” 

“Did you tell that lady about that too?”

“I didn’t have to. Hannah screams real loud and the lady always heard her eventually. She’d ask Hannah who’d locked her in there, but...”

“...Hannah couldn’t tell her because she wouldn't talk,” Josh finished. 

Jake nodded. “I tried to protect her, but usually when it happened, the kids would wait until I was in the bathroom or doing something else so I didn’t usually see who did it. And the last time it happened, the lady just accused Hannah of doing it herself to get attention.”

Josh scrubbed a hand over his face. They’d had to endure a lot in their young lives. “I’m sorry about all that Jake, I really am.”

“I did try to protect her, I really did...” his voice trailed off. 

Josh could see that Jake’s ability to take the weight of the world on his shoulders mirrored his own. But even Josh didn’t remember feeling that way when he was eight. That was quite a heavy burden for a little boy to carry.

Josh laid his hand on his shoulder. “Jake, you shouldn’t have had to protect her. Someone should have been protecting BOTH of you. The foster care system was designed to take care of kids without parents or anyone else to look after them. It looks like the system and the adults in it failed you and Hannah.” 

Jake looked at him for a moment. “Well, not you and Aunt Donna. You’ve both been real nice. I like talking to you about stuff and Aunt Donna cuts the crusts off my bread and she cooks real good. ”

“You like talking to me about stuff?” Josh asked with a smile.

“Yeah,” Jake said with a nod. “You’re smart and you don’t talk to Hannah and me like we’re just stupid kids.”

Josh tried to keep a check on his ego, which was quickly inflating. “Well, you’re not stupid kids so why should I talk to you that way?” Josh teased him a little.

The boy studied him for a moment. “And you’re really not going to send me away?”

Josh frowned at him. “Jake I already told you that I had no intention of sending you away. Why are you so worried about that?” 

“Because of what they told us.”

“Who told you?”

“The lady and the other kids at the old house,” Jake said.

“What did they tell you?”

“That if we were bad they would throw us out into the street or that we’d have to go to jail.”

Josh sighed. “Jake, I think we can safely say that anything they told you at the house was wrong, okay?”

“Okay,” Jake said, sounding relieved. 

Josh suddenly remembered Leo’s statement about ‘as long as I got a job, you got a job’ and his brain turned it around to read it ‘as long as I got a home, you got a home.’

He wanted to tell Jake that he and Hannah could stay with him permanently, that they’d never have to go back to a place like the one they’d left. He wanted it more than he’d ever expected he would. On the other hand, this whole thing tonight had shown him that he might not be cut out to be a parent, foster or otherwise.

“But to answer your question, once and for all, you and Hannah are going to stay with me and Donna until after Christmas just like we planned,” he said. “And after that, I swear I’m going to do all I can to make sure you don’t have to go back to that house or any others like it. In the meantime, I promise that we’re going to get you some help so we can figure out why you get so mad for no reason.”

“Okay,” Jake said with a little smile. Then he promptly launched himself at Josh and hugged him tightly.

“Thanks for bringing me and Hannah here, Uncle Josh.”

Josh hugged him back and to his slight embarrassment, felt tears threaten to well in his own eyes. He blinked and then swallowed hard before he trusted himself to speak.

“Jake, don’t ever doubt that I’m glad you’re here,” Josh told him before he pulled back to look at him. “So, what do you say? You ready to go back to the apartment and get something for dessert?”

Jake seemed to think about it for a moment. “Do you think Aunt Donna would make hot cocoa?” he asked hopefully.

Josh grinned as he and Jake stood up and started for the car. “God, I sure hope so, 'cause I’m freezing.”

**********  
Chapter 15

Donna watched as Hannah stared worriedly at the door. "Don't worry, Hannah, Josh said he found Jake and he was fine. I'm sure they’ll be home soon."

'Please let them be home soon,' she begged silently. She hoped and prayed that something hadn’t happened after Josh’s call to change things.

They'd already been gone a long time, long enough that she was beginning to wonder where they were. Since Josh’s call, she'd already had enough time to set the bedroom to rights and tidy up the bathroom after Hannah’s bath. Both of which had been no small feat given that her side still ached dully and then not so dully if she twisted wrong or started breathing too hard. Even though right now there was only an angry red spot on the side of her chest where she'd hit the dresser, she suspected she'd have a nice bruise there before morning.

Even with the pain, she couldn’t help but keep herself busy with cleaning or other activities. It was the only thing that kept her from worrying and from hearing Jake say he hated her.

"What do you think Jake might like for dessert when he gets back?" she asked trying to keep Hannah, and herself, occupied until they got back.

Since Hannah was still only talking to Donna in whispers, she motioned for Donna to bend down so she could hear. Donna managed it, but she had to hold onto the back of the chair in a death grip as another wave of pain shot through her side.

"Hot Cocoa and chocolate chip cookies," Hannah whispered.

"Good idea," Donna said with an approving nod as she managed to stand up again and went into the kitchen to heat up the milk.

When she heard the key turn in the lock a few minutes later, her heart began to hammer in her chest. She wanted to rush right out and see for herself that Jake was okay, but she was worried she’d do something to set him off again so she lingered just a moment in the kitchen.

Trying to act casual and matter-of-fact, Donna carried a large plate of cookies to the dining room table. “Hey, guys, your timing’s perfect. Dessert’s just about ready. By the time you go wash up, the milk for the cocoa will be warm and I’ll have everything on the table.”

“Okay, we’ll be right out,” Josh told her.

A little jolt of joy went through her heart when she saw Jake and Josh exchange a smile as they headed for the bathroom. Maybe things would be okay.

True to her word, mugs of warm, steamy cocoa were waiting on the table when they came back out. Along with the chocolate chip cookies, she’d added a can of whipped cream, a shaker of cinnamon and a bowl of mini-marshmallows to the middle of the table so everyone could have their cocoa the way they wanted.

Jake had pulled on a sweatshirt and Josh had changed out of his suit and into jeans and a sweater. They both looked like an ad for The Gap. 

Again, she had the overwhelming urge to rush over and hug Jake, but she didn’t want to upset the gentle balance that he and Josh had apparently developed after the earlier storm.

“You guys go right ahead and dig in,” she told them. “I’ll be back. I’ve got to...I need to clean the milk pan out,” she fumbled as she turned to go into the kitchen.

“Aunt Donna?” Jake’s voice called hesitantly.

With her back to them, Donna froze and had to blink away sudden tears. Forcing them back, she let out a breath and turned toward them. “Yes, Jake?” 

Jake was standing next to the table, looking shy and uncertain. “I...” he hesitated and fidgeted a little. “I’m...I’m sorry about all those mean things I said.”

It was getting harder and harder for her not to start crying, so she kept her reply simple and heart felt. “It’s okay, Jake. I know you didn’t mean them.” 

The next thing she knew he was running over to her. “I also didn’t mean it when I said I hated you,” he said throwing his arms around her waist. Luckily, he was short enough he didn’t bump her sore side.

Donna put her arms around him and hugged him back. “I’m glad, Jake,” she said with a smile as a tear trailed down her cheek. “Because I want us to be friends. I hope even good friends.” 

“Me too,” he said, his voice sounding suspiciously rough.

Rubbing Jake’s back until she thought she could speak again, Donna cleared her throat as she released him. “Now you better go sit down and drink your cocoa before it gets cold.”

As Jake went around the table to sit down, Donna went into the kitchen. She wasn’t really all that surprised when Josh entered the kitchen a minute or two later with his own mug of cocoa in hand.

“Hey,” he said watching her quietly.

“Hey,” she said trying to look busy while she scrubbed at the milk pan. “Are you all thawed out?”

“Yeah, and this sure helps,” he said holding up the mug.

She gave a little smile as she scrubbed. “And here I thought you didn’t like hot cocoa.”

Josh shrugged as he took another sip. “It’s not so bad.” He stood there and watched as she continued to wash to the pot. He had the distinct impression she was purposely not looking at him. “You’re going to rub the Teflon off that pan if you get it much cleaner.”

She gave a weak little chuckle. “I know, I guess I just want it to be really clean. Sometimes there can be traces of...”

“Donna...” he interrupted quietly.

It was almost like a shot went through her. Dropping the pan back into the soapy water, she gripped the edge of the counter with both hands and lowered her head as the silent tears started in earnest.

Setting the mug down, Josh moved to stand next to her. “Hey, it’s okay,” he said, laying a hand on her back.

“I was so scared for him,” she whispered quietly still not looking at him. “I kept thinking about all the horrible things that could have happened to him.”

“I know, me too,” Josh admitted keeping his voice low so only she could hear him. “I just knew I had to get to him.”

Without a thought to consequences or lines that should or shouldn’t be crossed or the fact it might aggravate the pain in her side, Donna turned and put her arms around him. “Thank you for finding him, Josh, and for doing whatever you did you calm him down.” 

“No, thanks needed, I’m just glad he’s okay,” he said as he gently hugged her back. “And I want you to know that I didn’t tell him he had to apologize to you. That was all him.”

Rubbing her cheek into his shoulder, Donna sniffled a little. “I almost lost it when he did. I was so worried that I had really screwed up with him and that he really did hate me.”

“Actually I think he adores you and it scares him.” Continuing to hug, they were quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you,” he finally said as he tightened his hold on her. “You were right about everything.”

The added pressure was just enough to set off the pain in her side and had her hissing.

He immediately released her and took a step back. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she lied.

“Donna?” he persisted. “What’s wrong?”

“Keep your voice down,” she whispered.

“Then tell me what’s wrong!” he whispered back.

“Nothing, my side is just still sore from where I hit the dresser,” she told him. “I’m sure it’s nothing more than some bruised ribs.”

Josh frowned. “I thought you said you were okay?”

“I AM okay,” she insisted in a whisper.

“But if you’re having some pain, maybe we should go to urgent care or emergency...” he suggested concerned that something might really be wrong.

“No, no, I don’t need to go to emergency. It only hurts if something presses on it hard enough,” she said, only half-lying. It also hurt when she twisted or breathed deeply or coughed.

He still looked unsure. “You sure?” 

“Yes, I’m positive. Don’t tell the kids.”

“Okay, but if it gets worse, we’re taking you to see someone,” he told her. “Don’t make me play my trump card and get the first lady involved.”

Donna rolled her eyes. “Okay, okay, I won't.”

He was glad to see that at least she’d stopped crying. “Good,” he took hold of her hand. “Now let’s go out and finish having dessert with the kids before they get suspicious about why we’ve been in here this long.”

“’kay.” Feeling immensely better than she had when he’d first come in, Donna wiped her face and smiled as he led her out of the kitchen. 

**********  
Josh’s eyes opened rather suddenly. He wasn’t sure what had woken him and even less sure how long he’d actually been asleep. With his mind playing the entire evening over and over like a broken record, it had taken him a long time to finally drop off.

He hadn’t been able to talk to Donna like he’d wanted either. After dessert, Jake had asked him for help with the remaining homework and by the time they’d finished it, it was bedtime for both the kids. Normally, that would have been an opening for him and Donna to talk, but she’d looked dead on her feet, so he decided it would be better to find some time to talk to her at work the next day. 

Laying there in the dark, he listened carefully, but didn’t hear any obvious sounds that might have woken him. No one was calling for him, there was no crash of breaking glass or someone rifling through things or tearing up the apartment.

Wait...what was that? 

A noise. Very faint and indecipherable, except for the fact that it was a noise that hadn't been there a few minutes before, reached his ears.

Throwing the covers back, Josh slid quietly out of bed. For whatever reason, he felt the need to be cautious, but not armed with something. As he stepped out into the hall, he realized the noise was coming from the kitchen.

Trying not to make any noise, Josh padded toward the kitchen. He saw the door to Donna and the kids' room was closed, which was kind of unusual in itself. Just at the point of trying to decide if he really should be finding something to use as a weapon, he stopped just outside the kitchen doorway and he leaned forward just enough to look inside. 

A shadow moved through the kitchen and he caught the flash of blonde hair in the glow from the street light outside.

It was Donna.

And from the sound of it she was alternately crying softly and cursing.

"Donna?" he whispered as he stepped farther into the kitchen.

"Eek!" It came out as more of a squeak than anything else. It was followed by the sound of something clattering to the floor. "Damn it," he heard her mutter.

Moving quickly to the stove, Josh nearly slipped on hard little pellets on the floor under his feet. "What the...?" he said as he snapped on the light over the stove. 

The floor was littered with what he realized were Advil tablets. The open plastic bottle that had once held them was what he heard hit the floor. Any questions he had about the Advil disappeared when he saw Donna.

Her face was red and a little splotchy from crying. She was gripping the edge of the counter and from the tight set of her mouth, he guessed she was in a fair amount of pain.

"Donna, what is it?"

"I'm sorry, Josh. I was trying not to make any noise," she said with a wet sniff. 

His concern for her went through the roof. "What's wrong?"

"My side really hurts," she told him. "I was trying to sleep, but it keeps waking me up."

"Why didn't you come and get me?" he asked her.

"I thought I could take care of it myself," she explained. "I figured I'd take some Advil and get an ice pack."

Trying not to be annoyed with her for not telling him, he took her arm to give her some support. "Come on, let's get you out on the couch." Guiding her out of the kitchen and over to the couch, he helped her gingerly sit down. “Stay right there,” he instructed as he switched on a lamp and rushed back into the kitchen.

Making a mental note to clean up the spilt Advil later, Josh snatched up the still half-full bottle and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.

“Here, take two of these,” he said handing her two Advil and an open bottle of water. As she did, he ran back to his room, fished his cell phone out of his pants pocket, and came back into the living room.

“Who are you calling?” Donna asked as she swallowed the second tablet.

“Margaret,” he said, searching for the number. “I figure she could come over and stay with the kids while I take you to the hospital.”

“No, Josh, you’re over-reacting. I don’t need to go to the hospital,” she insisted. “I’m sure the Advil and an ice pack will help.”

He gave her a long, assessing look. “Okay, fine...for the moment,” he said still looking through the contact list on his phone.

“Who are you calling now?” she asked.

“Millie,” he told her as he skimmed his contact list looking for the number. “She can tell us if you need to go to the hospital or not.”

“Millie?” Donna replied, not making the connection at first. Then the light bulb went on. “You mean ‘Millie’ as in Dr. Millicent Griffith? No, Josh, you’re not calling the SURGEON GENERAL at two in the morning to ask her about the pain in my side!”

“Keep your voice down,” he told her. “You’ll wake up the kids.”

“No, I won't. That’s why I closed the bedroom door on my way to the kitchen,” she whispered harshly. “Josh, please put the phone away. It’s not that serious.”

His finger hovering over Millie’s number, Josh looked at her and didn’t beat around the bush. “I found you crying in the kitchen in the middle of the night and saying your side hurts. I’m calling someone,” he said. “You get your choice of Millie or Dr. Bartlet.”

“Now there are two great, non-embarrassing choices, Josh,” she grumbled irritably. “The surgeon general or the first lady? Thanks a lot.”

“When it comes to you being hurt, I’m not going to mess around.”

His very sweet comment wiped the snarkiness right out of her. “Fine, Millie then,” she said tiredly. She tried to lean back into the couch, but hissed again when that only made her side hurt more so she continued to sit awkwardly.

“Good,” he said pressing the button to call Millie. “Because to wake up the first lady, I pretty much have to wake up the president and you know how he hates that.”

She realized he had a distinct point. Not to mention that pretty much anything the first lady knew, the president would know and he’d probably hound her about how she was feeling and give her a trivia lesson on how many injuries occurred in the home every year. He’d tell Leo and he’d make a comment about it in staff and everyone would give her pitying looks and Josh a hard time, as if he’d had anything to do with it.

Now VERY glad he’d called the surgeon general rather than the first lady, she listened to Josh’s side of the conversation with Millie.

“Hi Millie...it’s Josh...” he frowned when she apparently didn’t recognize who “Josh” was. “...Josh Lyman.”

He paused while she apparently woke up enough to know who she was walking to. “Yeah, I know it’s two in the morning, but I’ve got a situation I need your advice on and it couldn’t wait until morning.”

He waited a beat, but Donna couldn’t hear exactly what Millie was saying.

“Okay, do you remember Donna Moss?” He nodded. “Right, my assistant. Well, she’s been staying with me and she took a fall earlier this evening....”

He frowned as he listened to whatever comment Millie was making.

“What? No, we’re not a...no, she’s helping me out with...what do you mean you always suspected?” he gave Donna an embarrassed little shrug and dragged a hand through his hair. “No, nothing like that...we’re just friends. Millie! Would you stop with the twenty questions? It’s strictly platonic.”

‘Thanks for the reminder, Josh,’ Donna thought miserably as she tried to find a position that was at least vaguely comfortable.

“Look, she fell tonight and hit her side on a dresser. Now she’s having some pain, I want to take her to the hospital but she doesn’t want to go. Do you think it can wait until tomorrow to be looked at?” Josh frowned in confusion. “Sure, she’s right here.”

He handed her the cell phone. “She wants to talk to you.”

Donna took the phone and it was Josh's turn to listen to one side of the conversation. “Hi, Dr. Griffith." She paused. "I’ve been better."

He wondered what Millie said to make her grin suddenly, as Donna gave him an amused glance.

“Actually, he’s been really good about looking after me, he’s just in overactive mother hen mode.”

Her expression sobered a bit as she began to outline her injury. “Yeah, I tripped and fell against a dresser. I banged my ribs pretty hard as I went down. It knocked the wind out of me and although my side was sore when it happened, it’s gotten worse as the night’s gone on."

Donna nodded as she listened. "On my left side, an inch or two below my breast. If I was standing with arm at my sides the spot would be just in front of my arm."

Already tired of waiting, Josh began to pace as he listened to Donna and tried to figure out if should be getting dressed to take her to the hospital or not. 

“It hurts a little when I breathe, or a lot when I breathe deeply, but there’s no shortness of breath. It was an angry red color at first and now it’s starting to get a little purple." Donna paused. "No, it's not really swollen, just a little bit puffy.”

"What's she saying?" Josh tried to ask, but he got shushed by Donna.

“Shhhh...! No Dr. Griffith, not you. Josh is just getting antsy." She nodded. "I just took two Advil but they haven’t had a chance to kick in yet. I was also going to try an ice pack on it.”

The was a very long pause as Millie apparent was doing all the talking.

Donna finally began to speak. “Okay, I will. Thank you, Dr. Griffith, I better let you repeat all that for Josh. He probably won’t believe me if I tell him,” she said shooting Josh a glance that was both amused and annoyed as she handed him back the phone.

"What's the verdict?" He asked before resuming his pacing. "A bruised or cracked rib?" he repeated. "Yeah, that's kind of what I thought." He frowned. "No, I didn't go to medical school when you weren't looking, but the big bruise on her side sort of gave it away."

Stopping in front of Donna, he nodded. "I'll be sure she sees someone tomorrow," he promised as he watched Donna roll her eyes. "Yes, and I'll make sure they give her a chest x-ray. I really appreciate your help, Millie, Bye.”

With that, he snapped the phone closed and frowned at her as she started to get up. “Where are you going?”

“To make an ice pack,” Donna said as if he’d just asked the dumbest question on record.

“Nope, I’ll make it. You stay there. Millie said to try lying on you uninjured side. Why don’t you work on that while I get the ice.”

By that time, Donna was too tired to argue. “Fine,” she acquiesced as he went into the kitchen. 

It was harder to lay down and turn onto her uninjured side than she’d expected. Every adjustment seemed to send a little jolt through her side and she took it as a personal triumph when she finally managed it.

Josh was back a few minutes later. “Here you go,” he said, holding out the bag of ice wrapped in a dishtowel.

Lying on her side like she was, she really only had one useable hand. “I don’t think I can manage it by myself,” she told Josh. “If I hold my shirt up, could you place the ice bag on the spot?”

Josh suddenly looked a little nervous. “Uh...sure.”

She gathered the hem of her thermal sleep shirt in her hand and to avoid giving him a free peep show, she was careful to slide the shirt up and lift it until the spot was exposed. She was silently thankful that she was at least wearing leggings.

“Oh, Donna, no wonder you’re in pain,” he said. “I didn’t realize it looked this bad.” His nervousness seemed to disappear as he looked at the area and winced at the skin that was blooming from red to purple. “This is going to be a little cold.”

“Hence the term ICE pack,” Donna said through gritted teeth as he laid it on her bare skin. It was indeed very cold and she tried not to grimace as she carefully pulled her shirt back down over the ice pack.

“Here, let’s put some pillows behind you so you’ve got some kind of support and you don’t roll back,” Josh suggested. Taking all the extra pillows off the couch and the chairs, he gave her some more padding. He also added one under her cheek so her head wasn’t bent at a weird angle. “How’s that?”

“Better...good,” she smiled at him. “Thanks.”

“What else can I do?” he asked.

“Talk to me,” she said quietly. 

He dropped into the chair across from her. “What do you want me to talk about?” 

“Anything, I don’t care. Help take my mind off how cold this ice is.”

He thought for a minute. “Do you happen to remember what I have on my schedule for tomorrow morning?”

His schedule was so ingrained in her head, she didn’t even have to think about it. “Staff, then Sam wanted some time for more stuff on the State of the Union and then you’ve got a 10:30 with Congressman Brown.

Josh nodded. “I’ll tell Leo what’s going on, he’ll understand if I miss staff, Sam and the speech can wait and the freshman congressman from New Mexico can be rescheduled.”

Resisting the urge to lift her head to look at him, Donna frowned. “Why are you clearing your morning schedule?”

“Because as soon as we drop the kids off at school, we’re taking you to get checked out. You can go to urgent care or the GW ER.”

“Why can’t I see my own doctor?”

“Aren’t you always telling me it takes forever to get an appointment?” he pointed out.

“Yes, but...”

“Well, you’re not going to wait until some dumb kiss doctor decides he’s ready to see you.”

She couldn’t help but grin a little. "Isn't that what I have to do at urgent care or the ER?”

He blinked a little in surprise and she could tell the wheels were turning. “Okay, yes, but at least you’ll only have to wait hours instead of days.”

“Fair point,” she agreed. “So why do you have to go?”

“Because I’m not convinced that you’re okay to drive, I want to make sure you actually go SEE a doctor, and I want to hear what that doctor has to say about your ribs.”

She could see he was going to stand firm on this. “Okay, okay, God Josh, when did you get so Tarzan-like?”

“When you got hurt...Jane,” he teased with a gaze that never wavered.

The implication of Jane and Tarzan as a couple was not lost on her, but she chose not to say anything about it. "Thanks for taking care of me, Josh," she said quietly.

"Hey, you're always taking care of me, this was just my chance to help you." Josh let out a breath and he settled back in his chair. "Besides, it was all my fault."

Donna frowned. "How do you figure that?" 

"I didn't listen to you about Jake," he said. "If I had, this whole thing tonight probably wouldn't have happened."

"You don't know that, Josh. Even if we'd started him on therapy the minute after I met with his teacher, there's no guarantee that he wouldn't have had his outburst tonight," she argued. "His outburst and my getting hurt was no one's fault. Not yours...not even his. He's a little boy and he needs help and I know he didn't mean for me to get hurt."

Josh felt like it was time to be honest with her. "I thought sending him to therapy would be admitting that I'm doing a bad job as a foster parent. I thought I should be able to handle any problems he and Hannah might have on my own...on OUR own." He gave her a little self-effacing grin. "After all, I do have enough experience with therapy to write a book."

It didn't even occur to Donna to smile back. "I wish you’d stop seeing therapy as admitting weakness, Josh," she told him with a quiet firmness. "To me, the fact that you've gone to therapy is one of your best qualities. Although I haven't been through it myself, I can only imagine how hard it must be for someone who's as strong and confident as you are. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help."

He almost pointed out that SHE hadn't asked for help with her sore ribs, but she was being so thoughtful, he couldn't do it. "I think you give me too much credit," he said instead.

Her reply was immediate. "And I think you don't give yourself enough."

They stared at each other for a long, quiet moment, unspoken messages going back and forth between them until Josh spoke again.

"So I guess I'll call Stanley in the morning and see if he can recommend a good child psychologist. I'm sure he'll have a couple here in DC that Jake can see."

"Sounds like a plan," Donna replied.

"Do you think we should send Hannah to a therapist too?" he suggested. "Maybe it would help with her not talking."

Donna felt a little guilt creeping up her spine and she knew she had to tell him the truth. "Actually, I think she's getting better."

"Oh, I agree. She's much more animated and all, but since she's still not talking I thought maybe..."

"She's talking to me, Josh," Donna blurted.

Disappointment flashed through him. "What do you mean?"

"She started talking to me two days ago."

"But..." he stumbled in confusion, not to mention a little bit of hurt. "...why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, we haven't exactly been talking all that much in the last few days," she pointed out, then she sighed. "I know I should have told you, Josh. It's not so much that I purposely didn't tell you...I just didn't go out of my way to tell you."

"Thanks, Donna, that makes me feel a lot better," he muttered.

"I'm sorry, Josh. I really am."

And he could see she was. "How did it happen?"

She wasn't ready to tell him that Hannah had comforted her when she'd been crying over him. "It was the middle of the night and I found her standing by the bed. She must have heard a noise or had a bad dream or something. The next thing I know, she's asking if she can sleep with me. Ever since then she's been talking to me in whispers like she does with Jake."

Okay so most of what she'd just said was a big fat lie, but it sort of paralleled the truth.

It occurred to Josh that she didn't have to tell him about Hannah talking. And she had a point about them not talking. In point of fact, he'd been avoiding her so he really had no one to blame but himself.

"I'm glad she's talking. That's really great news," he said as sincerely as he could. "And I'm going to try and be home more so maybe we can work on her together."

Relieved he didn't seem to be mad at her and that he was talking about them working on Hannah together...as a team, Donna smiled at him. "I'd like that."

"So how you feeling?" he asked.

"Now that you mention it, I'm feeling better."

"Good, then let's try and get some sleep." When she didn't move, he frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I think I'll just sleep here," she told him.

"Donna, you know as well as I do that my couch is lumpy and uncomfortable," he reminded her. "Plus the fact that with you propped on your side like you are, you'll probably roll off the couch in your sleep and then where would we be?"

"I know but...well, I'm not worried about waking up Hannah, but Jake was already kind of restless when I came out of the bedroom and he's had such a rough night that I don't want to risk going back in there and waking him up."

The words were out of his mouth before he could think them through. "Well, then come sleep in my room."

She snorted. "Where? On the floor?"

"Yeah, Donna, I'm going to make you sleep on the bedroom floor. No, I've got a double bed. We'll just share it." 

Alarm bells started going off in her head. Sharing a bed with him was bound to take her mind off the pain in her side. Being so close to him would give her a whole new reason to not be able to sleep.

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to keep you up either," she said weakly.

"You won't," he shrugged. "Besides, I'll probably sleep better if I know I'll be right there if you need anything.

She didn't know what other argument she could give without sounding like she was making a big deal out of it. And honestly, there was no other place she wanted to sleep than in his bed. "Okay, thanks," she agreed.

After she used the guest bathroom for a pit stop, Josh helped her into bed and got her a fresh ice pack. Then he propped her up again with pillows so it would be hard for her to roll off her uninjured side. Once he'd switched off the light and set an alarm to wake them in a few hours, he climbed in with her. 

Despite the fact that there were covers and pillows between them, Donna could see Josh's outline was facing her. 

"I've acted like an ass this week, Donna," he said softly. "And I was horrible to you. You would have been within every right to walk out on me and the kids but you didn't."

She was quiet for a moment and he half-wondered if she'd already gone to sleep. Then, he felt her hand brush his arm and her fingers tangled with his.

"I like to be where I'm needed," she finally said. "And right now I figured this was where I'm needed the most."

"You got that right." He paused. "Thank you for staying and putting up with me."

"You're welcome, now stop apologizing and go to sleep," she instructed.

"I swear I'm going to do better," he added in a whisper.

Giving his hand a squeeze, she smiled into the dark. "You already are, Josh, you already are."

TBC


	4. Little Wonders: Chapters 16-20

**********  
Chapter 16

Trying to find a more comfortable position, Donna shifted in her chair. It had been three days since her run in with the bedroom dresser and what had turned out to be a hairline fracture in one of her ribs was actually feeling much better.

Making a mental note to ice the spot when she got home, Donna went back to working on the education stats and notes Josh had asked her to put together.

"Hey, Donna, what's going on?" came the cheery greeting.

Donna forced herself not to flinch at CJ's voice. She’d been nothing but professional in her dealings with CJ, but things had been a little formal and stiff between them since Thanksgiving and Donna saw no need to change that.

"Nothing, just working on some notes for Josh," she told CJ as she continued working.

"How have you been feeling?"

"Fine," Donna answered simply.

"Toby said you’ve been spending the last three lunch hours on his couch getting friendly with an ice pack."

When he'd skipped staff to take her to the emergency room, Josh had told Leo what had happened and Leo in turn told the senior staff so they knew all about her injury. 

"Yeah, the doctor said that icing my ribs would help," she said still not looking up.

"You know...my couch is available too," CJ said tentatively.

That hung there between them for a very long moment and Donna knew she couldn't continue to stare at her work and hope that CJ would go away. Apparently, CJ was out for something and Donna would just have to go through the motions until she figured out what it was.

"Oh...I know. I just...you know, didn’t want to bother you," Donna tried to give her a smile. "Then there's also the fact that between Josh, Toby and Sam they bring me food so I’m well fed." 

Although she had no intention of telling CJ the biggest draw to lunch hours in Toby's office was the fact that while she was laying down with the ice pack, Josh's usual position during those times was on the couch with her head in his lap.

"Well, if you were in my office, I could bring you food and stuff too," CJ gave her a little grin. "...or you know, I could have Carol bring us some."

Donna knew that CJ was clearly extending an olive branch, but she couldn't find it in her heart to accept it. Maybe someday, but not yet. The things that had been said over Thanksgiving were too hurtful and too fresh.

She smiled awkwardly. "Thanks CJ, I appreciate the offer, really I do. But see, when I'm there, there's the added benefit of keeping the Three Stooges from beating each other senseless with staplers or something."

"Beating each other senseless with staplers?" CJ asked quizzically.

"Okay, that might be a bit of an overstatement," Donna admitted. "In any case, they argue like three yentas about everything these days. From the state of the union to what possessed Sam to recommend Will Bailey to Toby. And if I’m there it doesn’t get so out of hand."

Again, she wasn't going to tell CJ, but Donna actually enjoyed the arguing that Josh, Toby and Sam did during lunch.

"Well, sometimes the three of them don't know when to quit," CJ said, with what sounded like a forced laugh. "Oh, say, speaking of Sam, have you heard anything on the grapevine about him today?"

"No, why?” Donna said in a neutral tone.

“In between putting up my Christmas tree and running interference on the assisted suicide thing, I thought I heard someone say something about him and our resident Republican Deputy White House Counsel."

Okay, so Donna might be mad at CJ but she was just as curious as the next person. 

"You heard something about Sam and Ainsley?"

"Yeah," CJ said. "Something about someone seeing them kissing in Ainsley's office."

Donna was surprised to hear news of anything going on between Sam and Ainsley...not to mention a little jealous that it wasn't her and Josh that were doing something people could talk about, but she didn't let either one show. 

She did, however, wonder if CJ was trying to use this as an in with her or if she was fishing for something to bang Sam over the head with like what happened with Laurie the call girl.

"Oh, that's nice," she said innocently.

CJ looked at Donna like she'd just announced that she was going to become a member of the Communist party. "Nice? You think that our Deputy Communication Director kissing our Deputy White House counsel is nice?"

Donna bit back a sharp retort and forced her voice to remain calm. "Sure, who doesn't like a little holiday romance?" Not that she was having any, Donna thought silently. Then she gave CJ a VERY pointed look. "Besides, they're two consenting adults who are over the age of eighteen. Who are we to say that they shouldn't be allowed some small chance at happiness?"

Her look and the meaning in her words was apparently not lost on CJ, because she looked like she'd just had to swallow something unpleasant. "Okay, well, I've got some things to take care of before the tree lighting starts," CJ said quickly.

Ignoring the stab of guilt fighting with her righteous anger, Donna simply nodded as she went back to working on the education notes. "Thanks, for stopping by," she called with false cheeriness as CJ headed back for her office. “I love having these little chats,” she added in a low mutter.

Not more than a few minutes had passed before Donna's next visitor arrived and she was beginning to wonder if anyone else was actually trying to work that night besides her.

"Hey, Donna," Sam greeted her.

"Hey, Sam," she replied pleasantly as she valiantly tried to finish up the notes. "What's happening?"

"I'm hiding from Toby," he told her.

His words made her look up. "Why?"

"Because he's mad at me."

"Sam, Toby is mad at you more than he ISN'T mad at you." 

“This it true.”

She sighed. "Why is he mad at you this time?"

"Because I talked him into bringing Will Bailey on board to help with the State of the Union speech." Donna opened her mouth to respond, but Sam beat her to it. "Hey! He seemed like a good guy when I went to see him about Horton Wilde's campaign and even Toby can't deny that Will can write. So how was I supposed to know he'd turn into the anti-Christ when Leo farmed him out to the Vice-President?" 

"I liked him when he first got here," Donna offered weakly. "He was kind of funny with the three Laurens following him around."

Sam couldn't help but smile. "He was even funnier when someone and I'm not saying I know who, put that goat in his office." Although he’d been in California running for the ill-fated Congressional seat at the time, Sam had heard all the stories about Will’s early days.

"Or the olives in his pocket," Donna bantered back.

"Or the bikes in the office," Sam added as they both chuckled a bit over it all.

"So is Toby NOT speaking to him too?" she asked.

Sam snorted. "Will should be so lucky. Toby's having him booted out of that extra office he was using here and moved over to the OEOB...tonight."

"Ah, so that’s what those moving guys were doing," she put in.

"Toby said something about how he didn’t want things with Will to be acrimonious." 

“Well, if he's having him removed from the building, I think it’s a little late for that," Donna observed.

"Yeah. And Toby told me if I said anything more about it, he was going to move ME to the OEOB," Sam said. "And that's why I'm hiding from him."

"He wouldn’t really do that would he?" she asked in concern.

Sam grinned. “Nah, he needs me for the State of the Union too much. He’s just wound a little too tight now that the President is letting him take the lead on the message for the speech.”

“Well, he’s lucky to have you,” Donna said with a firm nod. “I can’t imagine what things would be like for him if you’d stayed in California AND Toby had to deal with Will defecting.”

“Yeah, talk about the nightmare before Christmas," Sam said with a shiver. “So where’s Josh?”

“He’s in with Leo.”

“Assisted suicide?” he guessed.

“No, actually this time I think it’s about the Sudan relief workers and whether or not we can buy their way out of jail.”

“Ah, yes, bribery...the gift that keeps on giving,” he commented swiping a piece of candy from the dish she had by her desk. “So how are you feeling?”

“Fine,” she said easily. “I have a bruise the size of my fist and it’s decorated in every color you can imagine, but a lot of the soreness is gone, especially when I remember to ice it.”

“That’s good,” Sam said a little lamely. 

A long pause stretched between them and as she watched him fiddle with the small Christmas tree she had sitting on her desk, Donna got the impression that there was more on his mind than her health. 

“So, besides hiding from Toby, how are things in Sam Land?”

Cocking his head, he gave her a little smirk “Sam Land? Does that come with a throne and crown? Maybe some ‘Sam-ites’ or ‘Sam-ians’ to worship and adore me?”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, God, you’ve been hanging around Josh too long.”

“Or would it be ‘Seaborn-ites’ and ‘Seaborn-ians’?” he hypothesized.

“Well, okay,” Donna began. “If you’d rather tease me than tell me what’s really on your mind, I’m going to go back to working on my memo.”

The smirk slid off his face and now he looked a little...worried. “Who says anything’s on my mind?”

“No one,” she said with a knowing grin. “Let’s just say you’ve got the look of a man who’s got a juicy secret and no one to tell it to.”

“I don’t know what you’re....” he began in token denial then he let out a huge sigh. “Okay, I have a thing."

"All right...can you be more specific about the ‘thing’?"

"Well...I," He closed his mouth quickly as if to keep the words from flying out. It didn’t last long. "I kissed Ainsley," he blurted. "I mean it was innocent, but I kissed her."

While she had been miffed at CJ earlier for telling her about it, she was actually happy for Sam. “Where did you kiss her?” she asked.

Sam failed to notice that she was completely unsurprised. “On the mouth,” he said as if she’d asked the dumbest possible question. “Did you think I was going to kiss her feet or something? I mean I like her, but she is a Republican after all. I have to draw the line somewhere.”

“Sam, get a grip,” she said. “I meant what location were you both in when you kissed her?”

“Oh, we were in her office...there was mistletoe involved.”

"And how was it?"

“Hey, I’m not one to kiss and tell...” Suddenly he started grinning like an idiot. "Pretty terrific."

“That’s great, Sam. I've always liked Ainsley.” 

“Well, we’re not picking out China yet or anything,” he said but the grin he couldn’t seem to get rid of sort of ruined his statement. 

“You should ask her out,” Donna suggested.

Now he looked surprised. “You really think so?”

“Yes, I do,” she insisted. “Someone around here should have a love life that isn’t pathetic.”

Now Sam looked at her with a mixture of sympathy and almost pity. She hated that look. For a moment, she worried he would make some comment about her and Josh that they both might regret later.

“Just do me a favor, okay?” he asked tentatively.

“What’s that?” Now she was the one that was a little bit scared.

"Don't tell CJ," he begged. "About Ainsley and me, I mean."

A wave of relief went through her now that she knew he wasn't going to say anything about her and Josh and she smiled. "I hate to tell you this, but she already knows."

Sam paled a little bit. "She does?" he squeaked.

"Yeah, she was here a few minutes ago and she told me."

"How did she know?!" he exclaimed. "It only happened an hour ago!"

"She said she heard someone talking about how they saw you kissing Ainsley."

"Oh, God, it's going to be Laurie all over again," he worried.

Donna laid her hand on his arm. "Sam, it's not going to be Laurie all over again," she told him gently. "First of all, Ainsley is not a high-priced call girl putting herself through law school. In fact, except for the fact that she's a Republican in a Democratic White House there is nothing wrong with you having a relationship with Ainsley. You're both single and you work in different departments so there's no conflict of interest. What could anyone possibly say about you dating?"

"I guess you have a point there." Again, that simultaneous look of sympathy and pity, came back into his eyes. She knew without a doubt he was going to say something about Josh. "Donna..."

“SAM!” Toby bellowed as he walked into the Operations Bullpen. “What are you doing? I leave for five minutes to talk to the President and you disappear.” He nodded to her. "Hey, Donna."

"Hey, Toby."

“Sorry, Toby. I finally gnawed through my shackle and escaped,” Sam snarked. “And now I’m here...having a very pleasant conversation with Donna during which I am not talking about the things you told me not to talk about.” He gave Donna a little wink that made her grin.

“Well, it’s good to see you’re following my instructions for a change,” Toby quipped as he started for his office. "Come on boy wonder, we’ve got some crime fighting to do." 

"How many times do I have to tell you that I’m NOT Robin!" Sam yelled as he turned to follow him.

"Sorry, Sam, but you really are!" Toby called back.

Sam paused in the doorway and turning back to her, he smiled. "Thanks, Donna."

She smiled back. "Ask her out, Sam. The rest will take care of itself."

"Okay...I'll think about it."

With that he turned and disappeared into the surge of people milling through the elaborately decorated northwest lobby.

Feeling happy that she'd sent Sam off on the right foot, Donna redoubled her efforts on the education stats.

She didn't get far before Josh showed up. "Hey," he greeted her absently as he read through a briefing memo.

Donna threw up her hands. "Oh, Father Christmas, I give up."

Josh froze. "What'd I say?"

"Nothing," she said with a sigh. "Just don't plan on getting your education notes any time soon."

"Why not?" he asked with a frown.

"Because apparently no one but me is trying to get any work done tonight and they've all stopped by my desk to chat."

"I'm working," he insisted. 

"Yes, but you're also stopping by to chat," she pointed out.

"Is that a bad thing?

"Only, if you want your notes."

"Ah-kay," he said with a grin. "Don't worry about the education stuff tonight. This weekend is fine. I just need them for the meeting on Monday afternoon."

She cocked her head at him. "Okay, who are you and what have you done with Josh Lyman?"

"I just figured you'd want to spend time with the kids between picking them up from school and the tree lighting," he said with a shrug. "Say, where are the kids?"

Donna rolled her eyes. "I sold them to a roving band of elves," she teased. "We had dinner in the Mess and now they're in your office. Hannah's watching Frosty the Snowman and Jake is doing his homework."

"I'll be sure to check it and help him with it if need be," Josh said.

Since the blow up with Jake, Josh had really been good about coming home at a decent hour so the four of them could at least have dessert together. He'd also taken the lead on monitoring Jake and helping him with his homework. The two of them had formed some kind of male bonding thing the night Jake ran away and she wasn't sure which of them was enjoying it more. 

"'Kay, here's some homework of your own," she said handing him a folder.

"What's this?"

"Catalogues," she clarified. "It's important that you look at them before the end of the night so I can take care of it over the weekend."

"But Christmas is three weeks away," he protested.

"There's Hanukah too," she pointed out.

"There's plenty of time."

She gave him a stern look. "Who's in charge of shopping?"

"You are," he said with a resigned sigh.

"There are pages turned down with Post-its to tell you which of your relatives the gifts are for." She lowered her voice. "I've also made some suggestions for what to get the kids."

"Are they getting pretty excited for Christmas?" he asked.

Donna frowned a little. "Surprisingly, no. They haven't said anything about it at all. Not even about getting a tree."

Josh frowned. "That's weird isn't it? I mean, they're kids, shouldn't they be...I don't know, asking to see Santa or giving us their wish lists or something?"

"Yeah, I would think so," she agreed. "I was kind of hoping the tree lighting tonight would get them more excited."

"If it doesn't, we may just have to do something," he told her.

"Such as?" she asked with an arched brow.

He smirked at her. "I'm working on it."

"Well, while you're working on it, look at those catalogues. If you're happy with the choices I made, you should initial at the X. If you're not happy with the choices, you should remember how this goes when you try to do this yourself."

"I like the polar fleece stuff," he said, trying to be helpful.

"Who's in charge of shopping?" she repeated.

He hung his head in defeat. "You are."

"Good answer. Now why don't you go say hi to the kids?" she suggested. "I'm going to take them out for the tree lighting in about a half hour."

"Okay," he said heading for his office. At the closed door he turned back to her. "Oh, am I invited too?" he asked with a smile.

She tried to hide her surprise that he'd even want to. "Of course, you are," she said. "I just...I didn't think you'd have time."

"Well, I'll just have to make time," he said with a little smile as he disappeared into his office.

Grinning now, Donna sat down at her desk and despite Josh telling her to finish them tomorrow, she vowed to finish the education notes before they went outside. Finally, everyone seemed to be doing something else so she made really good progress. She was on the next to last one with ten minutes to spare when her phone rang.

"Josh Lyman's office."

"Hey, Donna."

Donna's heart fell past her stomach and dropped onto the floor at her feet. "Hey, Amy."

Amy chuckled softly on the other end. "I wasn't sure if anyone over there remembered my name."

As if Donna could ever forget Amy Gardner. "Don't be silly," Donna said trying not to sound completely insincere. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good. How are things at the White House?"

"Fine. We're having the National Tree lighting tonight," Donna said lamely. How was it that her I.Q. and her ability to form an intelligent sentence disappeared when she had to talk to this woman?

"Yeah, I know," she answered. "Hey, I was wondering if Josh was in?"

For half a heartbeat, Donna considered saying he was busy or out...or anything besides the truth, but she knew it would have made her feel small and petty.

"Um, yeah, I think so. Hang on." Taking a breath, she put Amy on hold and dialed Josh's office.

Since he could tell it was her calling he didn't waste time with the pleasantries. "Should I bring the kids out?" he asked. "I already checked Jake's homework and it's all done and Hannah's video is pretty much over."

Donna swallowed. "Amy's on the phone for you."

There was a huge pause on Josh's end. "She is?" he said, clearly surprised. "What does she want?"

"I don't know, she just said she wants to talk to you."

There was another pause as she was sure he was trying to decide what to do. Silently, she begged him to say that she could tell Amy to take a flying leap.

"All right," he said instead. "Put her through."

Donna found it hard to swallow around the disappointed lump in her throat. All she could manage was to force her finger to press the button and transfer the call.

Hanging up the phone, her gaze went to his closed office door. 

Donna knew she was putting the cart before the horse, but she couldn't keep her mind from flipping through the 'what-ifs.' 

She couldn't...wouldn't go through Amy part three, she just couldn't. If it came to that, she'd have to rethink some things...seriously rethink them. Too much had happened, too much time had passed for her to stay around to watch Josh pick someone else...especially Amy...again...when she was right in front of him.

And then there was the kids. If Josh decided to keep them and he started something with Amy again, she'd be damned if she'd stand by and let Amy become their step-mother. Donna had no illusions about the fact that she couldn't possibly fight Josh for custody, but Amy also never struck Donna as the mothering type. Maybe Josh would let her adopt them. She could take them and move back to Wisconsin. Her parents would love Jake and Hannah.

Oddly, the idea calmed her. It was as if having some kind of plan, some kind of benchmark or contingency plan for the direction of her life gave her some small measure of comfort.

Standing up, she straightened her sweater. For now, though she was going to put it out of her mind. With her head held high, she marched over to his office door and went inside.

The kids were sitting in Josh's two guest chairs watching the TV and Josh was sitting at his desk still talking to Amy on the phone. He looked up at her briefly when she came in and then he looked down at the desk as he focused back in on the call. Donna tried not to listen in on what he was saying.

As soon as Hannah saw Donna, she rose to her knees and held up her arms, both of which were a clear signal for Donna to pick her up.

"Hi Aunt Donna," Jake greeted as she scooped up Hannah.

"Hey, Jake. How's the homework coming?"

He grinned and held up the paper for her to see. "All done, see Uncle Josh even signed it. Now I won’t have to do any this weekend."

"Great job!" she grinned. Taking the paper from him she drew a smiley face in the corner. "Now we've both signed it. So you guys ready to go see the President light the tree?"

Seeing the happy face, Jake smiled. "Sure."

She had the oddest feeling that Jake was more excited about the happy face on his paper than he was about the tree lighting.

"Jake? Don’t you want to go to the tree lighting?"

He looked at her as if he was a little surprised she was asking him. "I guess," he said with a shrug.

"Because we don't have to," she told him. "I just thought you and Hannah would both enjoy it."

"No, I want to," he insisted. "Hannah does too."

"Okay then, let's get the two of you bundled up."

It got quiet as she started to get them dressed to go outside and it became harder and harder not to listen to what Josh was saying to Amy.

"Where did you get a job? Senator Hammond?" He said, then he chuckled. "Well, she's a pain in the ass but since she's a democrat at least she's OUR pain in the ass. The president's counting on her support for the education bill he's sending up early next year."

Donna zipped the front of Hannah's coat and helped Jake on with his gloves. She was so busy pretending she wasn't paying any attention to Josh, she didn't notice when he looked up and watched her with the kids for a long moment. She also missed the soft smile that crossed his face before he went back to talking to Amy.

"Oh, you're going to be the senator's White House liaison?" Josh asked.

Crap, Donna thought as she pulled on Hannah's hat. That would mean Amy would be working with Josh on the bill.

"Come on, guys, let's go," she said taking the kids in hand. 

Nodding to Josh as they walked past his desk, Donna saw him nod back and she and the kids made their way outside.

It had snowed earlier in the day, but the night was clear and cold and the atmosphere was very festive. A small platform had been built near the enormous blue spruce tree where the President would throw the switch and light the tree. Flanking the platform on one side was the U.S. Marine Band and on the other Louisiana Bayou Gospel Choir. Just to round out the entertainment, a troop of dancing snowmen performed next to the choir. 

In addition to the TV cameras that had been set up some time ago to cover the event, quite a large crowd had gathered and were milling about impatiently. Their impatience stemmed from the fact that the President had been delayed so the actual start of the tree lighting ceremony had been pushed back a number of times.

"I can't see anything," Jake complained as Donna found them a place just to the side of the main part of the crowd.

"Well, there isn't anything to see yet, Jake," she told him. "When there is I'll pick you up so you can see."

She just hoped that between holding him and Hannah up, it didn't hurt her still-healing ribs too much. 

Just then she realized she was about to find out how much it was going to hurt because she saw a flurry of activity near the White House indicating that the President was coming out. Sure enough she spotted him walking across the lawn with Zoey at his side. 

"Okay, Jake, here we go." 

Keeping Hannah balanced on one hip, Donna gritted her teeth and tried to pick Jake up. Even the attempt sent a jolt of pain through her side. It was pretty clear that she just wasn't going to be able pick them both up. And at this rate, she had a feeling that even trying to do so was going to mean that she was going to have to ice her ribs for most of the night just to be able to sleep.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I just..."

Hearing a soft curse behind her, she turned and was surprised to see Josh step up next to her. "Here, let me take him," he said as he took Jake and hoisted him up onto his shoulders. 

The kids didn't know about her injury so Josh wouldn't say anything in front of them, but he was giving her a somewhat reproachful look that told her when they got home she was probably going to get a lecture from him about trying to pick both kids up with her injured ribs.

And why did that make her inordinately happy?

"Zoey looks good, doesn't she?" Josh said pleasantly as the President and his daughter got to the center of the platform. "I'm glad she came back from Manchester at least for the weekend."

Donna's earlier disappointment and worry over the phone call with Amy seemed pretty silly now. 

As she watched him standing there with Jake on his shoulders, her heart started beating just a little faster. There were times when he did just the right thing at just the right moment and she fell in love with him all over again. 

"Yeah, she looks good," Donna replied with a smile. "Really good."

**********  
After the tree lighting ceremony, they all had some dessert in the Mess. On their way back to the office, Josh stopped off to see Leo and Donna and the kids went back to his office where she started gathering up their things so they could go home.

"You ready?" Josh asked coming into his office.

Not expecting him to be done with Leo so soon, Donna looked at him in surprise. "Yeah, just about," she told him. "Do you have to stay for a while yet?"

"Nope, I'm taking a couple things home with me to work on, but I'm done here for the night," he said as he gathered up some work and shoved it along with his laptop into his backpack. "I thought it would be nice for us to go home together."

"It will be nice," Donna agreed with a smile.

By the time they parked in front of Josh's brownstone, Hannah was sound asleep in her car seat and even Jake's eyes seemed heavy. Neither of which was surprising as it was past their bed times. Luckily, Jake wasn't too sleepy that he couldn't walk under his own power so Josh could carry Hannah and Donna could open the doors and carry their various bags.

Hannah didn’t so much as twitch as Donna changed her into pajamas and tucked her in. While she was working on that, Josh made sure that Jake brushed his teeth and changed into his own pajamas. When all that was done, Jake climbed into bed and Josh read him a story, or started to. Being as tired as he was, Jake was asleep within about five minutes of climbing into bed.

Making sure that Hannah’s nightlight was on and her teddy bear, Bentley, was safely tucked under her arm, Josh pulled the door closed so he and Donna working and talking in the dining room wouldn’t disturb them. After making a stop in his room to change out of his suit, he headed for the dining room.

Donna had changed into sweats and was sitting at the dining room table working on what looked like note cards. She’d already set his backpack up on the table and pulled out his laptop and plugged it in for him.

“What are you working on?” he asked.

“The rest of the education notes. I know you said I didn’t need to do them tonight, but I’m almost finished and I’d like to get them done.”

Josh grinned as he walked into the kitchen. “You sound like Jake. He wanted to get his homework done tonight so she didn’t have to worry about it this weekend.”

“I know, he was so proud he’d finished it. He showed me the paper you signed that said he was all done.” 

“He really is a smart kid,” Josh said as he came back into the dining room carrying a couple of things. "He had everything but a couple of the math problems done when I got to my office. I think math is where he struggles the most, but I went over the problems with him and I think he got it.” 

Donna nodded. “Oh, I wanted to tell you, even though he's only had one session with the therapist Stanley recommended I think he's doing better."

"You know I wondered about that," he replied setting two bottles of water on the table for them. "I thought I saw some improvement too, but I was wondering if it was just wishful thinking on my part."

"No, I think he seems calmer and less introverted."

"That's great," he said pulling something out of his pocket and setting it down in front of her.

“What’s this for?” she asked picking up the bottle of Advil, although the question was really more rhetorical than anything else as she knew exactly why he’d brought it out.

“Oh, no, don’t play innocent with me,” he told her sternly as he sat down at his laptop. “I saw you trying to lift Jake tonight at the tree lighting and ever since then you’ve been guarding your side a little. I don’t know what you were thinking. You’re not really supposed to be picking up Hannah, much less her AND Jake.”

“Well, Jake couldn’t see,” she protested.

“I told you I was going to make time to come out there with you.”

“I know, but then you had that call from Amy and I didn’t know how long you’d be,” she pointed out.

“Okay, fair point,” he said with a sigh. “I should have told you I was coming right out.” Taking a drink of his water, he leaned back in his chair. “Look, I know it’s a little early for resolutions but I’m going to make one here and now. If I say that I’m going somewhere with you and the kids, barring a national emergency, I’m going to do my damnedest to be there and if for some reason I can’t be there I’ll call and tell you. Okay?”

“Okay,” she said with nod.

“Good and no more trying to pick up both the kids.”

“I promise,” she said with a little grin.

“Now, I want you to take a couple Advil and after you get done with your notes, I want you to get an ice pack and ice your ribs. If you don't, you’re going to have trouble sleeping.”

“You read my mind,” she said as she took two tablets.

“There’s a scary thought,” he teased. “By the way, I know you’re not really working tomorrow, but I need you to set something up for me tomorrow morning.”

“What is it?” she said grabbing her pad to take down the details.

“Sometime tomorrow, I need to sit with appropriations and find some foreign   
aid money we can reprogram.”

“What should I tell them it's for?” she asked beginning to scribble some things down.

“Bribing a dictator to get illegal missionaries out of Sudan.”

She rolled her eyes. “Something I can put on a memo.”

Josh dragged a hand through his hair as he thought how to rephrase it. “Reassigning funds from extant authorizations based on new priorities in East Africa.”

“’kay, got it,” she promised. 

“Oh, speaking of reassigning funds...” he reached into his backpack and pulled out the catalogues she’d given him earlier, he flipped one of them open to a certain page. “Who's that for?” he asks, point to a picture that she’d marked with a Post-it on it, but she hadn’t written a name next to.

Donna squirmed a little in her seat and fiddled with her pen, but remained silent.

Josh grinned at her then. “You picked your own gift?”

“I'm in charge of shopping,” she defended a little petulantly.

“I got your gift,” he said easily.

Donna was definitely surprised by that news. “No, you didn't. Three weeks in advance?” 

She, better than anyone, knew that shopping and thinking ahead were usually not in the same universe where Josh was concerned.

He shrugged. “I saw it at Thanksgiving and so I got it.”

“No, you didn't,” she argued. “What is it?”

“I'm not telling you.”

“I want to know,” she begged. 

“Really?” At her nod and hopeful smile he told her. “It's a gift certificate. Tower Records. 'Cause you're a fan of the music. You get to go on a spree.”

“That'll be fun,” she said looking back down at her note cards to hide her disappointment. After six plus years he couldn’t think of anything better...more personal, than a Tower Records gift card?

“Donna?” he said quietly making her look up. “It's not a gift certificate.”

She couldn’t help the smile that all but exploded on her face. “What is it?” she asked again.

He loved torturing her with this. “I'm not telling you.”

“I want to know,” she continued to beg.

“Socks,” he said with a grin.

Donna knew it wasn’t socks. After all, the man didn’t have a death wish. Socks were okay as a fourth night of Hanukkah present but not a Christmas present.

“Stop it,” she told him.

“I'm not telling you,” he said starting to type something on the laptop. “Live with the pain.”

With an enormous smile on her face, Donna went back to her education note cards.

They both sat and worked for a while in a companionable silence. Donna finished her note cards and she outlined the memo for Josh about the money for the Sudan missionaries. First thing tomorrow morning she'd type it up and set up the meeting for Josh.

Still trying to figure out what he could have gotten her and where he could have hidden it, she rose from the table and made an ice pack. Leaving the kitchen, she headed for the couch and after putting some pillows in place, she laid down. By then she'd had enough practice to apply the ice pack without Josh's help.

Wincing a little from the coldness of the ice, Donna closed her eyes and tried to relax. The doctor said that it would also help the ache in her ribs if she was more relaxed as tensed muscles tended to put more pressure on the ribs.

Hearing Josh's chair scrape the floor, she opened her eyes and watched him carry a briefing report over and sit in the easy chair across from the couch. She was a little surprised when he didn't actually open the report but looked at her instead.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing. I just thought I'd be more comfortable over here," he said with a shrug. "How are the ribs?"

It still seemed weird for her to be looking at him sideways while she laid on the couch. "Despite picking up both the kids, they feel okay."

He nodded. "You know, speaking of the kids, they seemed to enjoy the thing tonight."

"I know. With the crowds and the waiting, I was a little worried that they wouldn't, but it did seem to put them in the right spirit."

"Were you able to get any more out of them about what they want for Christmas?"

"No, but I had an idea about that."

"Oh? What's that?"

"Well, actually I got the idea from you."

He frowned. "From me?"

"You asked if the kids wanted to go see Santa," she reminded him. "And while they didn't say anything about it themselves, I thought it still might be a good idea. Maybe I could find out from the Santa guy what they asked for. If not, then maybe while we're out they'll give me some clue about what they might want."

“Not a bad idea,” he agreed.

“Since tomorrow is Saturday, I figured that after I do the memo and set up your meeting with appropriations, I'd take the kids and we'd make a day of it. Do some shopping, see Santa and have some lunch. Maybe even see some of the monuments. You know we haven’t really shown them around D.C. since they’ve been here.”

“That’s because it’s the middle of winter, Donna,” he pointed out. “Most people see the snow on the ground and think it might be just a little bit too cold outside.”

“Well, depending on how things go with them they may only BE here in the winter time.”

Not wanting to open that particular discussion, he sighed. “Fair point.”

“Oh, and I thought I’d take them to get a tree tomorrow night.” She paused. “If that’s okay. I mean unless you don’t want them to do the Christmas thing since you’re Jewish and it's part of their heritage. In which case, I could...”

“Donna, stop. Between trying to give the kids a nice holiday and not insulting my Judaism, you’re about ready to hyperventilate.”

“I know, but...”

“It’s fine, Donna, really. We talked about getting a tree before. I really don’t mind, in fact I think it's a good idea," he said. "Can you do me a favor, though, and wait until next weekend to get it?”

"Okay, but why?"

"Well, since you shouldn't be lifting Christmas Trees or anything else, I'd like to go with you or at least be here to help you unload it and put it up. Problem is, with all that's going on with assisted suicide and this thing in Sudan, this weekend is really bad."

She really appreciated the fact that he wanted to be part of things so badly. "Sure we can wait. I'm guessing the shopping and seeing Santa tomorrow will wear the kids out anyway." 

"You're right, it probably will." Josh sat there for a moment. "It's too bad though," he said absently as he rubbed at his chin.

"What is?" she asked with a frown.

He shook himself. "What? Oh, it's just that it would be cool to get Jake a new bike, but I guess it would be pretty impractical for him at this point."

"Yeah, it would be next to impossible to take a bike with him if he leaves," she agreed quietly. 

Donna really wanted to ask him if he'd given any thought to what he was going to do about the kids. But she wasn't sure it was something he'd want to talk about and she wasn't sure how he would take her asking. She didn't want him to think she was prying.

Josh nodded, but didn't comment on the bike or on the possibility of the kids staying. The moment just hung there between them like some invisible 'don't go there' sign.

"Well, if you don't need me for anything else," she said carefully sitting up again. "I think I'm going to turn in."

Laying down his report, he rose to help her up off the couch. She took his hand and he pulled her up so she didn't have to strain her ribs by pushing off the couch on her own.

In what seemed to be a situation that was happening with more and more frequency, words came tumbling out of his mouth before he had a chance to rethink them.

"I'm always going to need you, Donna," he said quietly as they stood toe-to-toe.

They were close enough that Donna could feel his breath on her face and she felt the heat rise in her cheeks. It would take so little to kiss him right now or have him kiss her. All either one of them would have to do was take the first step and lean forward slightly.

"I'll always need you too," she said even more quietly.

The moment lingered for a few heartbeats longer, then, much to her immense disappointment, Josh took one step to the side. "Sleep well," he said simply.

She wasn't about to let him know just how much she'd wanted him to kiss her, so she did what she always did...what they always did. 

She misdirected.

"Are you sure you don't want to tell me what you got me for Christmas?"

The moment completely broken, Josh chuckled. "No. Now go to bed."

**********  
Chapter 17

Never having taken kids to see Santa before, Donna was a little unprepared for the melee that greeted them at the mall. Of course she’d been shopping in the weeks before Christmas any number of times. But not since she herself had been a child herself had she gone to see Santa.

Entering the mall, it wasn’t hard to spot the “Santa’s Village” that had been erected. All they had to do was follow the sound of canned carols blaring louder than in the rest of the mall. What’s more, even a blind man would have been hard-pressed to miss the excessive decorating that had been put up. Everything not moving was blanketed in fluffy cotton-like white batting that stood in for snow and then topped off with anything that was shiny.

Santa sat on an enormous golden chair/throne that made him look more like a demented king or emperor than Father Christmas. Behind him was a tree that was so tall it seemed to go on forever and had so many lights, ornaments and other trimmings on it, you could barely even tell where the actual tree branches started.

As if all that wasn’t enough, just to round things out, there were also mechanical, animated figures set up all over the place. Red-cheeked elves, frolicking penguins and polar bears, and happy reindeers, including one with a red nose to stand in for Rudolph all watched the passersby with frozen expressions of holiday joy.

Honestly, the whole thing kind of creeped Donna out. 

But, as they got in the depressingly long line to see Santa, Donna told herself it was for the kids and not her so she could live with it. After all, most of the kids in line looked awed and overwhelmed by the whole scene.

Okay, so Hannah and Jake just looked bored and a little worried, but maybe after they were there a while, they would warm up to things.

It took exactly 15 minutes for Jake to reach his limit. “Aunt Donna?”

“Yes, Jake?”

“Do we have to do this?”

“No, we don’t have to,” she said with a frown. “But don’t you want to talk to Santa?”

“No,” he said simply.

“Well, Hannah does, don’t you, Pixie?” she asked looking down at Hannah who was standing next to her holding her hand.

Hannah shook her head vigorously making her two ponytails dance.

Donna knelt down so she was on their level. “Neither one of you want to see Santa?” 

They shook their heads again and Donna felt her brilliant plan to find out what to get them for Christmas go right down the tube. For a moment she considered asking them if they even believed in Santa Claus, but decided that might be a can of worms better left unopened. 

“But don’t you want to tell Santa what you want for Christmas?” she asked instead.

“Can’t we just tell you?”

The direct approach, now there was a novel idea. Why hadn’t she thought of that? “Uh, sure, I guess you can.”

Jake glanced around at the near crowd of people masquerading as a line they were standing in. “Can we get out of line first? It’s too crowded.”

Donna was beginning to learn that both kids didn’t especially like crowds all that much, especially when they were in an enclosed space. “Sure, come on.” 

She steered them clear of the Christmas monstrosity and headed for the other end of the mall where some of the larger anchor stores were. There were fewer people in that area and the huge skylight at that end of the mall made it seem much more open as the winter morning sunshine poured in.

Leading them over to a sunny bench, she sat down. “How’s this, guys? Better?”

“Much better,” Jake said sitting down next to her.

Donna pulled Hannah into her lap so the three of them were facing each other. “Okay, now that we’re out of that mess, tell me what you guys would like for Christmas?” 

Swinging his feet, Jake looked at Hannah and then at Donna. His expression was tentative, almost as if he was afraid to say it out loud.

“We want to live with you and Uncle Josh...forever.”

Instantly, a huge lump lodged itself in Donna’s throat and she felt her eyes sting with tears that threatened to break free. Forcing herself to swallow, she looked at Hannah.

“Is that what you want too, Pixie?”

They’d clearly been conspiring on this because Hannah nodded with a huge, innocent grin on her face. “We love you,” Hannah said in a quiet, but non-whispered voice. 

Crap, now she really was going to cry.

Running a hand over Jake’s head she pressed her cheek to the top of his head and pulled them both into an awkward little hug. Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, she tried without much success to keep the tears at bay.

“Your uncle and I love you guys too...very much," she said into Jake's hair. "I can’t promise anything but I’ll work on it.” She pulled back to look at them. “Okay?"

From his expression it was pretty clear that her answer wasn't exactly what Jake wanted to hear, but for the moment he looked like he was satisfied.

Donna swiped at the tears still dripping down her cheeks. "You know what? Let’s blow off shopping today and do something else...something fun. What would you guys like to do?"

"Can we go see the Library of Congress?" Jake begged. "I read about it once."

With his love of books and reading she wasn't at all surprised. "Sure, of course we can. Hey, you know they have tours too, maybe we could take one."

"Yay!!" Jake said excitedly. 

"And Pixie, what would you like to do today?"

Hannah leaned in a bit, but she didn't whisper. "Go to the park."

"Don't you think it might be a little cold to go to the park?"

"No, I want you to push me on the swings," Hannah insisted.

"Hannah really likes to swing," Jake clarified.

Donna grinned. "Well, then, the park it is."

"Can we go to McDonald's for lunch too?!" Jake asked hopefully.

Donna considered his request. "Well, Jake, we went to McDonald's twice last week. Why don't we try something different? You and Hannah each got to pick something for us to do, so how about if I pick where we go for lunch?"

Clearly disappointed, Jake still didn't make a fuss. "I guess that's okay."

She laughed softly. "Don't worry, Jake, there's a little diner that I think you and Hannah will like. They even serve their hot chocolate with mounds of whipped cream on it."

That definitely perked Jake up. "Really?"

Donna laughed again as she stood up. "Yes, really. Come on, let's get out of here."

**********  
Josh pushed through the door, setting off a soft bell chime. At the sound, he saw the reason for his lunch meeting look up and smile.

"Hey, J."

"Hey, Amy," he said shrugging out of his coat and dropping down in a chair.

"You look good," she commented with a Cheshire cat grin.

Even though he was a little wary of why she'd requested this little meeting, Josh couldn't help but smile.

"It's all the clean living I do these days."

"Yeah, I bet," she teased easily.

The waitress showed up then and after giving them a chance to take a quick glance at the menu, they gave her their order.

"A turkey sandwich with no mayo and coleslaw instead of fries?" she queried after the waitress had poured them coffee and moved on. "When did you give up charcoal burgers and over salted fries?

He hadn't even realized he'd ordered something especially 'healthy.' Of course, it was Donna's influence. Ever since she had been doing the majority of the cooking, he had been eating healthier and it was apparently becoming second nature even when she wasn't around.

Not that he was going to tell Amy that. 

He shrugged. "My cardiologist said I needed to start eating better, so I'm working on it."

Even though his answer had been pretty generic, she looked at him like he'd just given her too much information. Or maybe she'd expected him to make some witty comeback to her teasing remark about his eating habits and he'd just disappointed her.

"Ah," she said into an awkward silence that it took a moment to break. "So...it's been a while."

He took a drink of his coffee. "It sure has. I was surprised to get your call yesterday."

"Well, I figured since I was working for Hammond and she's going to be a big supporter of the president's new education package I should reopen the lines of communication." Tilting her head slightly. "Plus I heard the most interesting thing the other day."

A little alarm started ringing in the back of Josh's head. "Oh? About what?" He knew with Amy it was best not to admit to anything until you knew exactly what cards she was holding.

"About you."

His eyebrows went up. "Me? What could possibly be interesting about me?"

She grinned. "Don't play Mr. Modest with me, Josh. It's beneath you."

Oddly, he felt himself getting angry at the direction their conversation was heading. "Are we having this meeting to talk about the education bill or grill me about my life?"

She apparently didn't let his tone both her. "Why can't we do both?"

"Amy..." he began in exasperation.

"I just think it's interesting," she said casually.

He frowned. "What?"

"That Donna and two little kids are living with you."

His worst fears were coming true. "How did you know that?"

She grinned like the cat that ate the canary. "I have my sources."

"But we didn't even tell the press."

Her grin continued. "Yes, I know."

It suddenly occurred to Josh that if it served her purposes, she was more than capable and willing to use information in any way possible, consequences be damned. But this was his life and it involved Donna and the kids and there was no way he'd let her get away with doing anything that might hurt them.

His voice was quiet and very low when he spoke. "If you think for one second you can use that information to blackmail me into getting the president to roll over on whatever agenda you and Senator Hammond have up your sleeves you can forget it."

A look of surprise came over her face. "Josh..." 

"Because if you try, I swear I'll make it my life's mission to do anything and everything to get you tossed out of this town and you won't be able to get a job interview for dog catcher."

"Wow, J, I'm glad you think so highly of me," she said.

He frowned in confusion. "Isn't that why you brought it up?"

"No, like I said, I just think it's interesting," she said. "Originally, I was just going to tease you about it, but now you've piqued my curiosity."

The waitress picked that moment to bring their food. 

"Look, Josh, I know that I've done a number of things that could make you suspicious," she admitted after the waitress had left. "But I also know that you could and would rip my throat out if I went after something you care about." She paused and her voice was a little sad when she continued. "I used to be one of those things, remember?"

Josh didn't know what to say to that. He couldn't dispute what she'd said. There HAD been a time when he'd had feelings for her.

But, as was usual with Amy, she wasn't one to wallow about affairs of the heart and she moved on. "So you and Donna finally figured it out, huh?" she said as she took a bite of her burger.

Josh nearly choked on the french fry he'd popped in his mouth. "Figured it out?"

Amy stared at him. "Yeah, you know...about you and her. I always had my suspicions about you two."

Taking a drink of coffee, he blinked at her. "I have no earthly idea what you're talking about," Josh lied. He had a pretty good idea what she meant.

Amy paused in mid-chew. "But she's living with you," she said in confusion.

"Yeah, to help with the kids," he clarified. "With my hours, she takes them to school and picks them up, so it was just easier to move in while the kids are here. She's sharing a room with them."

She still looked baffled. "While they're here? You mean it's just temporary?"

He opened his mouth to say 'yes,' but the word wouldn't come out. "Maybe," he finally said taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Maybe? What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means..." he let out a hard breath. "I don't know. I haven't decided."

"Who are these kids?" she asked. "I'm guessing they're not yours or Donna's."

He stared at her. "You sound like a reporter," he said. "You don't have hidden microphones or anything, do you?" He only half teased.

"No, I'm serious. Who are these kids?"

"They're two orphans that didn't have any place to stay for Christmas so I agreed to take them as foster kids until after the holidays." He wasn't ready to talk about the fact that the kids were possibly his half-niece and nephew.

Amy's mouth literally dropped open. "Foster kids? You?" she asked in disbelief.

"Do you have to sound so surprised?" he shot back.

"You have to admit, J, it's doesn't sound like you."

He'd forgotten how much he hated it when she called him J and even though she had a point, it annoyed him. "Maybe I'm changing."

"Okay..." she said like she thought he might be losing his mind and it might be best to humor him. Then, as an idea occurred to her, she cocked her head. "Wait, did Donna talk you into this?"

"No!" he insisted. "Well, not exactly. She helped me with some of the details...okay, most of the details, but she didn't 'talk' me into anything."

She shot him a dubious look. "So let me get this straight. She's living in your apartment and helping you take care of two foster kids."

"Right."

"And although you were only going to keep the kids until after the holidays, you're now thinking about keeping them permanently."

"Yes."

She raised an eyebrow. "And despite all that you and Donna are still proceeding under the delusion that you and she are nothing more than boss and assistant?"

"Delusion? There's no delusion. But we've never been just boss and assistant," he told her. "We're friends. She's probably my best friend." 

Amy stared at him for a long moment. "You really believe that don't you?

Actually, he knew that there was more to it than that, but Amy was the last person he wanted to discuss it with.

"There's nothing to believe or not to believe, that's the way it is," he told her.

With a smirk, she chuckled in obvious disbelief. "Well, you always were a little slow."

Josh was done with this part of the conversation. "Look Amy, let's just talk about the education bill and let me worry about my personal life." He couldn't help adding. "Once upon a time you might have had a say in that part of my life, but not anymore." 

That pretty well wiped the smirk off her face. "Fine," she said coolly. "For Senator Hammond to support the president's education bill, she has a number of requests."

She said 'requests' in such a way that led him to believe they were going to more demands than requests. Now he wished he hadn't been quite so snarky about discussing his personal life. "Okay, what are her 'requests'?"

"She wants a provision for federally funded pre-school for low income parents and shelters for battered women..." 

"What?!" he nearly screeched. "There's no way, I can..."

She continued on as if he hadn't spoken. "And money for sex ed that includes more than just lame ass discussions of abstinence."

"Come on Amy, get serious!" Josh said shoving his plate away. His appetite was all but gone. "You know none of those will ever fly. Leo and the president will laugh me right out of the Oval office. Then there's the fact that once they hear we're thinking of adding provisions like that to the bill, the Republicans and half the Democrats in Congress will make it their personal crusade to kill it before it even makes it out of committee!"

Amy grinned. "I know, that's what I told Senator Hammond."

Josh frowned. "Then why?"

"'Cause I like to get you all riled up," she told him with a smirk. "And now we can get down to really talking about the merits of the bill and see if there's any room for compromise on the issues Senator Hammond wants added."

Frustrated already, Josh scrubbed a hand over his face. "All right, where do you want to start?"

********

"There you go, Jake," she said putting the plate containing his grilled cheese sandwich back in front of him. "I cut the crust off for you."

"Thanks," he said taking a big bite.

"Is your peanut butter and jelly sandwich okay, Pixie?" Hannah's answer was to grin around her mouthful of PB&J. It was the one thing that Donna never had trouble getting her to eat.

Donna couldn't help but grin herself as she took a bite of her salad. They'd had a great day. Their tour of the Library of Congress had been a big hit and it was all Jake had talked about. Then they'd found a park with swings and lots of playground equipment and he'd continued to talk about it while Donna pushed Hannah on the swings. 

Now she was sitting across from them in a window booth eating a late lunch at a small 50's style diner near the Capitol Building. Both kids had been a little skeptical about her choice of eating establishments, but the grilled cheese, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and hot cocoa piled high with mounds of whipped cream had solved that in a flash.

Seeing movement out on the sidewalk, the grin on Donna's face died a quick death. Suddenly she wished she and the kids were invisible.

It was Amy. She'd been walking up the street past the diner and Donna had made eye contact with her through the window before she'd thought better of it. Amy reversed course and came into the diner.

"Hey Donna," she greeted as she walked over to their table and slid into the booth next to Donna, although her eyes were busy studying the kids. 

"Amy?" she said acting surprised to see her. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I just finished up my lunch meeting with J and was on my way back to Senator Hammond' office," she explained. "I saw you in the window and wanted to say hi."

Normally, Donna would have bristled at Amy's use of calling Josh 'J,' but her brain was too busy processing the rest of what she'd said.

"Your lunch meeting with Josh?" she said. Every doubt and worry she had about Josh going back to Amy came flooding back. Why hadn't Josh told her about the meeting? "Uh...I didn't realize you had a lunch meeting with him today." 

"Well, it was kind of last minute, we set it up during our phone call last night," Amy told her. "I wanted to talk to him about the president's new education bill. Senator Hammond has some ideas she wants to contribute."

Donna tried her best to keep her manner casual. "Sounds like a good idea," she said. "Did you meet at the White House?"

"No. I'm not exactly welcome around there these days." She smiled. "Plus, neutral territory generally works better for us."

"Ah, I see," Donna said awkwardly.

Amy's gaze flicked back over Jake and Hannah. "So are these the foster kids that are staying with Josh right now?"

As if Amy posed some kind of physical danger to them, Donna had the sudden urge to gather the kids close. She also didn't appreciate the way Amy called them 'foster kids' as if they were some mongrel puppies that Josh was looking after, but she forced herself to remain calm. 

"Yes, this is Jake and this is Hannah," she finally managed. "Guys, this is Josh's friend Amy."

"Hi," Jake said. Naturally, Hannah didn't say anything but just stared at Amy in that unnerving way she sometimes had.

As if they were two girlfriends gossiping over lunch, Amy leaned into Donna a little bit. "So can I ask you something?"

"Uh, sure," she said even though she wanted to scream ‘no’ and stick her fingers in her ears.

"What's going on with Josh?"

Talk about a loaded question. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean the last time I see him he's 'Bartlet's pit-bull' and now he's got two foster kids living with him for the holidays and he says he hasn't decided if he's going to send them back or not."

"Really?!" Jake said excitedly. Even Hannah looked happily surprised.

Amy looked surprised by their reaction. "That's what he told me."

Right then a myriad of feelings went through Donna. First and foremost was that she literally wanted to kill Amy. On the heels of what Jake and Hannah wanted for Christmas, Amy had just given the kids what was probably false hope about Josh keeping them permanently.

She also didn't know which hurt more, the fact that he'd been talking to someone else about the kids or the fact that the 'someone' had been Amy.

"Well, I'm not really sure what Josh is thinking these days," Donna said with utter truthfulness. "Hurry up and eat kids so we can get home." She wanted to get the kids away from Amy as quick as possible.

"Oh, I thought maybe you'd know since you're his assistant and you're living with him and the kids."

Donna found herself unable to speak for a moment. "How did you know that?"

Amy shrugged carelessly. "The same way I knew about the foster kids. I have my sources."

Donna schooled her features to remain calm. "Well, as for what's going on with him, you'll have to ask him."

"Oh, I did," she said enigmatically. "But I just wanted to hear what you thought." Again, she grinned like they were old girlfriends gossiping over lunch. "You know, get the inside track."

Screw the inside track. Even under the best of conditions, Donna was guarded with any answers she gave Amy on anything, professionally or otherwise. When it came to Josh and the kids, there was no way she was telling Amy anything.

"I'm sorry, Amy, but this time there just is no inside track," Donna said innocently. "You know as well as I do, Josh keeps his own council. No one tells him what to think or what to do, especially when it comes to his personal life."

"Except you," Amy said directly. 

Donna inclined her head slightly, but kept her eyes locked on Amy's. "Not as much as people usually think," she said evenly.

"Right," Amy said. Her tone clearly indicated that she didn't believe Donna for a second. Amy narrowed her eyes slightly as if she was trying to figure something out. "Well, in that case, I'll be very interested to see what happens."

Donna frowned slightly. "What do you mean?"

Amy brushed some invisible crumbs off the table. "If Josh ends up keeping the kids, I'm guessing he'll be shopping around for a mom for them," she said carefully. "And the interesting part will be seeing who he picks." 

"Yes, it will be interesting," Donna said coolly.

If Amy noticed the disdainful tone in Donna's voice, she didn't show it. With an almost satisfied smile, she slid out of the booth. "Well, I've got to run. It was good to see you, Donna." With that, she sauntered toward the exit and walked outside.

"Aunt Donna?" Hannah whispered.

Donna shook herself. "Yes, Pixie?" 

"I don't like that lady. She's mean." 

"I thought she looked the wicked witch from the Wizard of Oz," Jake added.

Donna, who'd been taking a drink of coffee, nearly snorted it out her nose at Jake's comment. God, she loved these kids.

Part of her knew that she should admonish them for speaking badly about someone, but since she heartily agreed with both their assessments, it was pretty hard for her to do so.

"Well, now, I know she can seem a little..." Donna searched for a word that wasn't completely derogatory or an expletive. "...weird, but she is Uncle Josh's friend. So you don't have to like her, but as a favor to me, would the two of you at least be polite when she's around?"

Both kids nodded.

"Good, now finish eating," she told them. Still feeling unsettled after the encounter with Amy, Donna tried to think of a way to regain the earlier...happier mood they'd been sporting when lunch started. "How about after lunch we go home and put in a video?"

Nodding, Hannah grinned and picking up the other half of her sandwich, took a big bite. Donna frowned, however, when she saw that Jake didn't seem particularly happy about the video idea and was pushing his food around on his plate.

"What's wrong, Jake?"

Even as he spoke, he continued to stare down at his plate. "Why didn't Uncle Josh tell us he was thinking about keeping us?"

Donna felt her heart drop a little. This was why Donna wanted to kill Amy, or at least pull out a few choice locks of her long black hair. "I don't know, Jake."

Jake looked up from his plate. "Doesn't he know how much we want to stay?"

"I'm sure he does," she told him. "Jake, sometimes your uncle likes to think things over and he doesn't like to say anything until he's made a decision."

"But he said something to HER," he pointed out. 

Mentally Donna sighed. Jake was absolutely correct and it was also why she wanted a few choice words with Josh when she saw him next. "I know, Jake. Like I said, Amy's his friend and I guess he wanted to talk to her about this big decision."

"But why didn't he say anything to us?"

"I don't know that either. Maybe he didn't want to disappoint you if he changed his mind."

Hannah's smile had disappeared during the conversation. "Doesn't Uncle Josh want us?" she said with a little sniffle as if she was deciding whether or not to start crying.

She reached across the table to take their hands. "Oh, Pixie...Jake, it's not that simple. Actually, I think your uncle does want to keep you, but he's just trying to do what's best for you. He works so much that he's afraid he won't be able to take good care of you or give you a good home by himself."

"But he's got you to help him and you take good care of us," Jake pointed out.

Smiling, Donna blinked back tears. "Jake, that's about the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me," she told him with a sniff. "But the law says it's not up to me to decide. It's up to your uncle."

"I don't like the law," Jake muttered.

Donna sighed. "Well, I don't always like it either." She gave both their hands a squeeze. "But I want you to know that if the decision WAS up to me, you could stay with me as long as you wanted."

"Really?" Jake asked.

"Really," she vowed. "Okay, so here's what we're going to do. We'll finish lunch, go home and pop in a video and when he gets home, I'll work on your Uncle Josh. Okay?"

"You promise?" Jake asked solemnly.

Releasing his hand, Donna drew her fingers across her chest. "I cross my heart."

**********  
Chapter 18

Fulfilling her promise to the kids about talking to Josh about their ‘Christmas wish’ and asking Josh about Amy took a bit longer than Donna had anticipated. About dinnertime that evening, Josh called home to say that a couple things had developed with the Sudanese missionary workers and he was going to be home late. 

She didn't want to talk to him about things over the phone, so she decided to wait up for him. By the time the clock struck eleven and he still wasn't home, she gave up and went to bed. Not that she got much sleep right away. All the time on the couch waiting for him and then lying in bed had given her fertile imagination ample time to jump to all kinds of conclusions. 

When she did fall asleep, it was restless and she tossed and turned. About 2 am, she got up and decided to get something to drink. On her way to the kitchen, she realized with a frown that the light she’d left on in the living room for Josh had been turned off. Looking toward the front door, she also saw that his backpack was sitting in its usual place, even though she was sure he’d taken it with him that morning. 

Even her sleep deprived mind was able to figure out that he must have come home during the moment or two she’d actually managed to be sleep. 

Padding down the hall to the spare room, there was just enough light coming in from outside that she could see he was indeed home. Despite her lack of sleep and all of her worries, she couldn’t help but smile. A trail of clothes led from the doorway to the bed and it was clear he’d stripped down to his undershirt and boxers as he walked to the bed. Not even bothering to pull back the covers, he was sprawled on his back across the top of the bed and was already snoring softly.

Going back out into living room, she pulled the spare blanket off the couch and brought it back to lay over him. For a moment, she considered leaving his clothes where they were, but her sense of organization wouldn’t allow it. Gathering them up, she started to throw them into the hamper, but paused.

After glancing back to make sure Josh was indeed asleep, she inhaled the scent of his clothes. It made her feel like a suspicious wife, but it also didn’t stop her. She had to see if she could smell any of Amy’s usual and somewhat pungent perfume on them. It wasn’t a definitive test by any means, but it was the first thing that came to mind.

When she smelled nothing but Josh mixed with the slight tang of sweat and the scent of his aftershave, it went beyond that initial purpose and became something more. The second and third times she inhaled it was purely for her own pleasure. The scent of him was as addicting to her as any drug.

Of course, if anyone, including Josh, knew that she was standing there smelling his clothes, they’d probably recommend she be committed. Silently, she reasoned that it wasn’t like she was smelling his underwear or fishing other dirty clothes out of the hamper to smell.

Finally, she released the clothes into the hamper and after checking to see that he hadn’t woken up and caught her, she quietly closed his bedroom door and went into the kitchen to get a bottle of water. On her way back to her bedroom, she realized she felt more settled. He was home and despite the Amy factor and the fact that there was still a lot for them to discuss, she thought that now she might actually be able to go back to sleep.

**********  
As was often the case on the weekends when Donna tried to sleep in, the kids generally thwarted her. That Sunday morning was no exception. 

Hannah’s quiet voice somehow managed to penetrate Donna’s sleep fogged brain. “Ask her, Jake."

“Be quiet. She’s sleeping,” Jake hissed in a whisper.

“But I’m hungry,” Hannah insisted.

“She's going to be mad if we wake her up."

“No, she won’t," Hannah argued.

"Yes, she will."

If Donna hadn’t been trying to hold onto the last vestiges of sleep, she would have smiled. They sounded just like any pair of siblings arguing in loud whispers and the normalcy of it warmed her.

"Then let's go wake up Uncle Josh," Hannah suggested.

"Aw, that's dumb, he probably can't even make pancakes."

"Well, we can ask him."

Opening her eyes, Donna decided to put them out of their misery. "You better not, he didn't go to bed until really late." 

"Aunt Donna!" Hannah breathed excitedly. "You're awake."

She sat up with a grin. "It was pretty hard to sleep with you two trying not to wake me up."

Jake smacked Hannah lightly on the arm. "See I told you we were going wake her up."

"Jake, don't hit your sister," Donna gently admonished.

With a trembling lip, Hannah stared at Donna. "I just wanted pancakes." 

Donna saw that tears were brewing and moved quickly to stop them. "Hey, now, no tears. Only big girls get pancakes," she said lightly tickling each of Hannah's cheeks and making her smile. "That's better. Now I'm not mad, it's time to get up anyway. But while I make pancakes, let's try and be quiet so Uncle Josh can get a little bit more sleep."

Excited at the prospect of Donna's pancakes, Jake grinned. "It's a deal!"

**********  
Josh's nose was the first thing to actually wake up. The smell of pancakes and fresh coffee were about the only thing that could penetrate the layer of dead sleep he was under.

Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes. The first thing his mind reported was that something smelled really, really good. The second was that something about his current position was off. Given the fact that not all the neurons in his brain were firing yet, it took a moment to figure out it was the fact that he was ON the bed and not IN it.

Sitting up, he scrubbed a hand over his face. Wow, he must really have been beat last night. That could explain why Leo sent him home in a cab instead of letting him drive. He frowned a little at the tidy appearance of his room. He could have sworn that he’d left a trail of clothes on the floor and he wondered if Donna had been in to check on him.

The thought alone was enough to make him smile.

Throwing off the blanket, Josh stood up and stretched. As he did, every joint in his body seemed to pop or protest in some way. Lord, he was getting old.

Someone, presumably the same person who had picked up his clothes, had closed the bedroom door to give him some extra peace and quiet. As he pulled it open, the homey sound of soft laughter and general activity floated down the hallway and the smell of food hit him all over again making his stomach growl. After using the bathroom, he pulled on a pair of sweats and shuffled out to the dining room to find Donna and the kids already seated at the table. Unlike the kids who were still in their pajamas, Donna was fully dressed in jeans and a turtleneck.

“Good morning, guys,” he greeted them.

“Hey, Uncle Josh,” Jake said as he stuffed a huge piece of pancake in his mouth. Hannah just grinned around her own mouthful of pancake.

“Jake, don’t take such big bites,” Donna chided. “You’ll choke or something.”

“They talked you into making pancakes, huh?” he said as dropped into an empty chair across from Donna.

She handed him the thermal carafe of coffee so he could fill the mug in front of him. “Well, they did a lot of begging and since they weren’t going to let me sleep anyway, I figured what the heck,” she looked at him over the rim of her orange juice glass as she held it up to take a sip. “I know you got in late so I wasn’t sure how late you’d sleep. I hope it’s okay we started without you.”

"Of course it is," he said as he filled the mug with fragrant coffee. The smell alone was making his mouth water.

"Just how late did you get in last night?" Donna asked.

"It's kind of a blur," he said helping himself to the heaping plate of pancakes in the center of the table. "I think it was a little after one. We had a break in the thing with the Sudan missionaries."

"Good or bad?" 

"Good," he said. "Once the money changed hands the missionaries were on a plane out of there, but with the time difference it went pretty late."

"That's great news," Donna said as she cut into a new pancake.

"Hey, what are the dark spots on some of the pancakes?" Josh asked.

"Blueberries. I made half blueberry pancakes and half regular."

Looking at the food on the table, he chuckled. "Geez, Donna did you think you were cooking for an army?"

She gave him a little smile. "No, just two growing kids."

Given that both the kids were wolfing down breakfast like it was going to be declared illegal in the next five minutes, Josh couldn't argue with her point. Picking up the plate of bacon, he looked at Donna questioningly.

"It's turkey bacon," she confirmed.

Josh was pretty sure that even if he wasn't Jewish, Donna would have made turkey bacon simply because it was healthier.

“I didn't have a chance to ask, did you have fun shopping yesterday?” he asked as he put some bacon on his plate and reached for the syrup. There was a weird little pause that made him look up. Jake was giving Donna an odd look that he didn't understand and what was even stranger, Donna was giving Jake an odd look back. Before he could ask them about it, Donna spoke up.

"Actually we didn't do much shopping yesterday," she said as she bit delicately into a piece of bacon.

Taking a deep drink of his coffee, Josh frowned. "Oh? I thought you guys were going to go see Santa and go Christmas Shopping."

That same strange look crossed her face. "Things were a little too crazy at the mall and the kids didn't want to see Santa enough to wait in the three mile long line, so we went to plan B."

Only Donna would have a back-up plan for Christmas shopping. "Plan B?" he said with an amused grin. 

"Yes, we each got to pick something that we wanted to do instead of shopping."

Her statement seemed a little weird to Josh as he never knew her to be bothered by crowds before, but he let it go. "So what did you do?"

"We went to the Library of Congress!" Jake said excitedly. "It was my idea." 

"Did you like it?" Josh asked him. It occurred to him that in all the time he'd been in D.C. he'd never actually been to the Library of Congress.

"Yes, it was really cool," Jake told him. "Did you know it was started by President John Adams and has over 30 million books?"

"No, I didn't know that," Josh said with a grin as he started on his pancakes.

"And when the British burned the first library, Thomas Jefferson offered his own personal books to replace the burned ones." Jake added more syrup to his plate. "Thomas Jefferson was so cool."

Josh couldn't help but chuckle. Clearly, Jake had already picked up Donna's penchant for trivia. "You're right, Jefferson was pretty cool."

"Hannah? Do you want to tell Uncle Josh what you picked for us to do yesterday?" Donna prompted.

Hannah swallowed and suddenly looked a little nervous. She opened her mouth as if she was going to say something and Josh felt a little ray of hope. Despite the fact that Hannah was talking to Donna, she had yet to speak to him. But his hopes were dashed when Hannah closed her mouth and shook her head.

Donna answered for her. "She wanted to go to the park. Apparently, Hannah loves to play on the swings. So we found a park and I pushed her on the swings while Jake played on the money bars."

"Wasn't it too cold to be outside?"

"No, it was a sunny day and we were all bundled up. Jake even worked up a sweat."

Josh nodded. "These pancakes are great, Donna. I can see why the kids were wolfing them down."

"Thanks," she said and although she smiled at the compliment, he caught a flash of something odd in her eyes.

He watched her a little more closely as he finished his bacon. "So did you get to pick something to do too?" he asked Donna.

"Oh, yes, I picked out where we had lunch."

"Given the kids' usual choice, I figured it would have been McDonald's," he guessed.

"Nope, I talked them into the Starlite Diner," she told him.

"The Starlite Diner?" He frowned a little as he tried to remember where it was. "Oh, that's the little place by the Capitol building, isn't it?"

He was surprised to see the look that he'd noticed earlier in her eyes became more pronounced. He almost felt like he'd hit a nerve. 

"Yes, it is," she replied simply, but her gaze was focused on her plate rather than him.

Waiting for her to say something else, his hand toyed with his fork. When she didn't, he tried to prompt her. "I've never been there. How was it?"

Looking up from her plate, she smiled at him a little too brightly. "It was fine."

He frowned slightly. "Did you guys go somewhere else?"

"Nope, we came home right after that."

He felt like he was missing something important. "Did something else happen?

"No." She lifted her coffee mug to her lips. "Oh, except we did run into Amy Gardner." 

She'd said the words in a quick rush and then practically swigged down what he thought was about half of her coffee in one gulp.

"Oh?" he said, not sure where this was going. "Where on earth did you see her?"

"She came into the Starlite Diner."

"Why was she in the diner?"

"She saw us through the window and came in to say...hi."

‘Amy 'saying hi'?’ he remarked silently. Crap, that couldn't be good.

"Did you have a nice talk?" he said lamely. Of course, they didn't have a nice talk. It was no secret to him that Donna wasn't overly fond of Amy, he'd never quite understood why, but he did understand that was part of their dynamic.

"It was fine," Donna told him. "She mentioned that you'd had lunch together."

"Yeah, we met over at that little deli by the White House." He grew a little worried when he saw some of the color leach out of Donna's face and she looked a little sick.

Both the kids had apparently eaten their fill because they'd both stopped eating and were watching the two of them with avid interest.

"Um, I thought you said that you couldn't spend the day with us, because you were tied up with meetings all day?" Although her voice was calm and even, he felt like she was accusing him of something.

"Yeah, and one of those meetings was with Amy. Since she isn't exactly welcome in the White House these days, she suggested that we have a lunch meeting and I thought it was a good idea. We set it up a couple days ago during our phone call."

Donna pushed a couple bites of pancake around on her plate. "Oh, I see."

Something in her quiet tone got his attention. "Is there a problem?"

"No, of course not," she insisted looking at him. "You just didn't tell me you were having lunch with Amy."

Beginning to feel like he was being admonished, Josh had no idea why she was making such an issue of this. Dealing with Amy again was going to be a pain and he'd just as soon forget the lunch had happened at all.

"I have lunch with a lot of people, Donna, I didn't think I had to give you a run down of each one."

Okay, so he may have said that a little more snappily than he meant to. He instantly regretted it when he saw a flash of hurt in her eyes.

"I know," she said dropping her head again. "I just meant that if you'd told me I could have put it on your schedule," she said quietly.

Josh frowned. Something was definitely going on, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out what it was. "Donna? Why do I feel like we're having a fight that I don't know about?"

Dropping her hands into her lap, she sat back in her chair as if she were finished. "Of course we're not having a fight, I don't know what you mean. There's nothing to fight about."

There was a blankness in her eyes now and a slump in her shoulders that made him not believe her. But before he could say anything else, she stood up and carried her plate into the kitchen. On the heels of her departure, Josh glanced at the kids. They were both staring at him strangely. They didn't look mad at him or like they'd thought he'd done anything wrong, they just looked like he should be doing something.

Before he could think of just what that something was, Donna came back into the room.

"You know, since you're going to be here for a bit I think I'll go run some errands," she said quickly.

The fact that her eyes seemed a little too bright was not lost on Josh. "Donna..." he tried to begin.

She picked up her keys and her purse. "That's okay, isn't it?" she said. "I mean you don't mind taking care of the kids while I'm gone, do you?"

"No, of course I don't mind, but..." She rushed on before he could say more.

"Good. I just thought I'd go get some more clothes from my apartment and then go to the grocery store for a couple things."

He suspected that there was more to it than that, but since he still couldn't figure out what was going on with her, he hoped she was just in a mood and getting out of the apartment might be what she needed. "Okay, well, just remember I've got to be back at the White House by four."

"I'll remember. Oh, and don't worry about the breakfast dishes, I'll take care of them when I get back." Avoiding Josh's eyes, she leaned over and kissed Hannah's syrupy cheek and the top of Jake's head. "You guys be good for Uncle Josh."

Feeling confused and a little helpless, Josh watched her walk quickly to the door. He opened his mouth to say something that might help the situation, but nothing was forthcoming. He said the only thing that did occur to him.

"Oh, could you pick up some Yoo-hoo when you're at the store? We...I mean Jake drank the last of it a couple days ago." He winked at Jake.

"Sure," she said without looking at him. "I'll be back in a bit." With that, she grabbed her coat and left.

The silence in the apartment was loud and a little awkward and the kids were still giving him weird looks. 

He smiled in a way he hoped looked as if he thought everything was perfectly fine. "So, what do you guys want to do today?"

**********  
Sam relished the frigid air on his warm face as he ran along the mall toward the Lincoln memorial. Sunday mornings were one of his favorite times of the week. Barring a national emergency, it was about the only time he had to himself and he usually spent at least part of it running. And even with the preparations for the State of the Union in high gear, he’d managed to slip away this morning. 

It was amazing to him just how much a good run could clear out the cobwebs and help him refocus. During the week, whenever he could catch a couple of free minutes, he used the gym at the White House or the one near his apartment. But when he could, he liked to get out of the office to enjoy the feeling of the sun on his face and the fresh air in his lungs, even if it was December and very cold. He’d never break any speed records or be able to run a marathon, nor did he want to, but he liked the few moments to himself. 

Being the somewhat methodical person he was, his route was always the same. He’d start at his condo in Foggy Bottom and then make a circuit past the Lincoln Memorial and the Jefferson Memorial and around the Tidal Basin and then back to his place. He chose the Lincoln and Jefferson Memorials specifically because both presidents were such amazing wordsmiths. When he got to each Memorial he took a few minutes to look at their writings inscribed on the walls and sort of absorb a feeling of wonder that always overtook him. Those moments had provided him with some of the greatest sources of inspiration.

Turning onto the sidewalk path that encompassed the Tidal Basin, Sam let his mind clear and his feet fall into an easy rhythm. 

Usually when he was running he wouldn't have given anyone he passed a second glance. But that morning it was two things which made him notice the woman sitting just ahead on one of the benches that dotted the path around the Tidal Basin.

First, it was a little too cold and too early to see anyone sitting outside. And second, although she was clearly taller and the hair was not quite as long, the woman's pale blonde tresses reminded him of Ainsley. The thought made him grin. He had a date with the lovely Ms. Hayes the following Friday and he couldn't wait. 

As he drew closer to the figure he realized with a jolt that he knew the blonde sitting on the bench. It was Donna and she was crying. Coming to a crashing halt, he stopped on a dime in front of the bench.

"Donna?"

Her head snapped up and her tear stained face recoiled in fear. It occurred to him, that he was wearing a hooded sweatshirt with the hood pulled up against the cold and she probably couldn't see his face. Reaching up, he yanked back the hood. 

"Sam?" she said in surprise.

"Yeah," he said a little out of breath. "What are you doing out here?"

Donna swiped at her face. "Ah...oh, well I just wanted a few minutes to myself." She stood up a little shakily. "I really should be going. I've got a million things to do today."

"Don't take this the wrong way, Donna, but you don't look like you're in any condition to drive," he said. "Please sit back down."

Even if her earlier tears hadn't, the fact that she didn't argue with him as she sank back down on the bench, told Sam something was very wrong.

He sat down next to her on the bench. "Are Josh and the kids okay?"

Donna stared down at her hands in her lap. "Oh, yes, they're fine," she sniffed and started to wring her hands slightly. "They were finishing up breakfast when I left."

When she didn't say anything else, he gently laid his hand over hers. "Donna, what's going on? Why were you sitting here crying?"

She didn't look at him. "I wasn't crying."

He could hear the tears in her voice and knew she was close to tears again. "Donna, I know I'm a guy and everything, but I know when a woman is crying and you were crying like your heart was breaking."

There was a long beat of a pause. "Oh, Sam," she said as she buried her face in her hands and started crying again.

He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into a loose hug. "Hey, hey, it can't be that bad."

She leaned into him a little and he let her cry a little while he patted her back awkwardly.

"Okay, come on, enough crying now," he urged. "Tell me what's wrong."

Donna leaned back a little and with a couple of hiccups she seemed to stem the tide of her tears a bit.

"I wish I had a handkerchief or something to give you," he said, trying to make her smile. "But I'm a little limited on my supplies right now."

She gave him a wet little laugh as she dug a crumpled tissue out of her purse. "'s'okay, I got it covered," she wiped at her cheeks and blew her nose. "I'm sorry to cry all over you, Sam."

"Nah, it's fine." He grinned. "I was sweaty anyway. Now tell me what's got you so upset." 

"I just can't do it, Sam," she said wringing the tissue in her hands.

"Can't do what?"

"I can't go through Josh and Amy round three."

The very idea came so out of left field, it took Sam a second to say something. "What are you talking about?"

"Josh is getting involved with Amy again."

Sam frowned. "No, he's not. What makes you think that?"

Her words came out in a flood. "She's working for Senator Hammond so they are going to be working together on the education bill."

"I know," Sam said, still not getting it. "He told me."

"Well, did he also tell you he had lunch with her yesterday and didn't tell me?" Sam opened his mouth to say something but she kept on talking. "He always tells me about all his meetings, but he didn't tell me about that one. When I asked him about it, he didn't deny it," she said with a fresh layer of tears running down her face. "She's so wrong for him, Sam, why can't he see it?"

Sam couldn't help but smile. He'd talked to Josh about the lunch meeting with Amy and he knew how much Josh had hated it. "Donna..." he said, planning to tell her just that.

"And then Amy came into the place where I was having lunch with the kids and said all these things."

Sam's antenna went up. "What kind of things?"

"About how Josh had talked to her about the kids and how he's thinking of keeping them." She looked at Sam, the pleading naked in her eyes. "He hasn't even talked to ME about keeping the kids. How could he talk to HER about it?"

He'd like to ask Josh the same thing. "I don't know."

"And then Amy starts in about how if he does keep the kids he'll need a mom for them and how it will be interesting to see who he picks."

Amy should never have said such a thing to Donna. His opinion of Amy had never been very high and for the hundredth time he wondered what the hell Josh had seen in her to begin with. The woman was like an egg beater when it came to stirring up trouble.

For a moment, a flash of anger drove the sadness from Donna's eyes. "I swear to God, Sam, I'll rip her limb from limb before I let her become a step mother to Jake and Hannah."

Sam nearly smiled at her protectiveness, but he suppressed the impulse because he didn't think she'd appreciate it right then. He'd take bets on Donna over Amy any time...in pretty much any category he could name.

"Donna, have you talked to Josh about all this?" he asked. "I mean besides asking him if he had lunch with Amy."

She hesitated. "No."

"Why not?"

It took her a while to answer. "I'm scared of what he's going to say. I'm scared that he'll say he doesn't need me and he's going back to Amy because she's everything he wants. Everything that I'm not."

Sam shook his head. His two friends were the most stubborn, difficult people he'd ever known. If they'd spent half the time talking to each other about their real feelings, rather than masking them with denial and misdirection, they'd probably be married with kids of their own by now.

"You need to talk to him, Donna," Sam said. 

"But Amy..."

He wouldn't let her finish. "Stop listening to Amy. It wouldn't be the first time that her comments involving Josh were...embellished. Look, I can't speak to what she said, but if you talk to Josh I think you'll find he's not going back to her."

"You really think so?" she said with hope in her voice for the first time since Sam had sat down with her.

"Talk to him, Donna." He squeezed her hand and smiled. "The rest will take care of itself."

************  
Chapter 19

Josh sat on the couch with the kids. They were watching a video and he was reading an especially dry and boring report. It didn't help that his mind kept wandering.

He couldn't stop thinking about what had happened at breakfast with Donna and kept going over and over it in his mind. He felt like he'd done something wrong, but he couldn't figure out what it was. Donna was clearly upset about something and he hated that it could be something he'd done. After the blow up with Jake, things had been so much better between them and he didn't want to lose that.

He was about to ask the kids if they had any ideas about what was bugging her when the phone rang. 

"Hello?" he answered as he walked into the kitchen so his call didn't bother the kids.

"Hey, mi amour," CJ greeted him. "I wanted to remind you to bring those files I asked for when you come in this afternoon."

"They're already in my bag," Josh told her.

"Good. Oh, Leo wanted me to tell you that your meeting with the speaker has been changed from four to five this afternoon."

"Why?"

"I don't know, something about the speaker's kids and a church Christmas pageant," CJ replied.

Josh remembered the speaker once changing another meeting because his kid had a T-ball game to go to. Once Josh would have ridiculed him for that, but now that he had kids of his own in his life, he secretly admired Haffley for making sure he had time for his kids' activities.

Josh let out a breath. "Okay, I'll be sure to be there on time."

"Good. So, how's your Sunday going?" CJ was asking him.

"Fine...I guess."

"You guess?" CJ asked. "For someone who, unlike the rest of us, somehow managed to get a big chunk of Sunday off it doesn't sound like you're enjoying it very much."

"Well, I figured Donna would be here so the four of us could enjoy it together." 

"She's not there?"

He sighed. "Nah, she went out to run some errands."

"And with all she has to do, that's unusual?" 

"No, I guess not, but..." He hesitated. Normally, he wouldn't ask CJ about stuff with Donna, but he was getting pretty desperate. "The truth is she seemed a little upset."

"Upset how?" CJ asked.

"I wish I knew," he told her honestly. "Frankly, I'm baffled."

"So what happened?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. We were eating this amazing pancake breakfast she made and then things kind of got weird."

"Weird how?"

"I don't know. I think something was off all through breakfast and then she practically bolted from the apartment."

"Did you have a fight?"

"No, nothing like that. She did mention something about my lunch with Amy yesterday but I don't think that had anything to do with it."

There was a little pause on the other end. "Well, maybe she was just tired and wanted some time to herself."

Josh leaned back against the counter and considered that. Donna's snappishness about Amy, her off mood, her sudden departure--it all kind of fit. She was probably feeling suffocated and like they were taking over her life. Even if his lunch with Amy had been as fun as a trip to the dentist, Donna probably resented having to hear all about it while she'd been stuck with the kids. 

That had to be it.

"Huh, you know CJ, I think you may be onto something," he told her feeling a little hopeful.

"Sure. You run her ragged at work and then she works like a dog at night for you and those kids," CJ pointed out. "I'm surprised she hasn't dropped over from exhaustion."

Josh glanced around the kitchen. Although he'd made the kids help him clear the table, the kitchen was still littered with the dishes and pans that were left over from breakfast. It was quite a mess. He remembered Donna saying that she would take care of it when she got back. She really was doing too much.

Suddenly, Josh felt a little lighter. Now that he knew what the problem was, he could fix it. All he had to do was take some of the burden off her shoulders.

"Thanks, CJ," he said with a grin. "Hey, I didn't ask you how your Sunday was going."

She gave a little snort. "How do you think it's going? I've already been at work for three hours and my breakfast consisted of a stale onion bagel I had left over from yesterday."

Josh grinned. "So, good then?"

"Don't be late for the meeting, funny man and don't forget my files."

"I won't. See you later."

"Bye."

Hanging up the phone, Josh made a mental note to stop on the way to work and get something better for CJ than a stale bagel. Then he took a second look around the kitchen and grinned. 

He had an idea.

**********  
With a small carry-on bag full of clothes slung over her shoulder and her arms full of two large grocery bags, Donna climbed the stairs to Josh's apartment. After talking to Sam, she'd calmed down a bit and realized that he was right. She needed to talk to Josh. 

So she planned to lay out the situation with Amy and then talk to him about the kids wanting to stay permanently. But before she was ready to do that, she'd needed just a little more time to get herself together so she took care of the errands she'd originally mentioned to Josh.

First, she'd gone by her old apartment and gotten a few more outfits, including a Christmas sweater she wanted to wear, to add to her growing wardrobe at Josh's. Second, she braved the grocery store to pick up a few things they needed, including Josh's Yoo-hoo. But she'd also been careful to get done in plenty of time so they could still talk and Josh could leave for work in plenty of time.

Reaching the apartment, she turned the knob and wasn't surprised to find it locked. Being safety conscious, they normally kept it locked when they were home. What did surprise her was when she banged her foot against the door and Josh didn't come to answer it.

"Josh?! Jake?!" she yelled through the door. "It's me, can you come and open the door! My hands are full!" 

She waited a number of beats and still no one appeared at the door. Well, she figured, maybe Josh was taking a shower and the kids were too glued to the TV to open the door. Carefully setting one of the grocery bags down on the floor, she fished the keys out of her pocket and unlocked the door. 

If she'd been surprised before, she was stunned now. The apartment was quiet and empty.

"Josh?! Jake?! Hannah?! Is anyone home?" she called as she stepped inside.

There was no answer whatsoever. 

Dumping the carry-on bag in the foyer, she picked up the other grocery bag up from the floor and kicking the door closed with her foot, carried the groceries into the kitchen. 

When she got there she was in for another shock. Rather than the dirty dishes and pots and pans she was expecting, the kitchen was spotless and gleaming. She had to blink a couple of times to make sure she wasn't seeing things or simply in the wrong apartment.

Putting the grocery bags down on the counter, she noticed something taped to the microwave. She saw it was written in Josh's handwriting, so she pulled it off and started reading.

Donna,

I thought you might need a break from me and   
the kids. I've taken them with me so you can  
have some time on your own this afternoon.  
Since you had the van with Hannah’s car seat,  
the kids and I walked. I’m not exactly sure  
where we’ll go in the meantime, but we’ll  
end up at the White House and I’ve taken   
Hannah’s stroller in case she gets tired. I’ll need  
you to pick them up some time before my meeting  
which has been pushed back until five, but I  
don't want to see you before four-thirty at the  
earliest. Have fun.

Josh-

She turned the note over. That was all it said. It didn’t say anything about how the kitchen wound up looking like a brigade of Merry Maids had been through it with a fine tooth comb.

Dropping the note on the counter, she started to unload the groceries. As she did, her mind continued to chew over the contents of the note. Things were certainly going in an unexpected direction. 

And what did he mean ‘have fun’? Was she supposed to be excited that she was now all by herself and all her plans for the afternoon, which involved him and the kids were pretty much out the window? She could acknowledge that she had left a bit unexpectedly this morning, but she hadn’t planned on being gone that long. Didn’t he know that? Was he trying to get back at her somehow for leaving so abruptly?

She was in the process of loading the Yoo-hoo into the fridge when she had a horrible thought.

What if he was taking the kids so they could spend time doing something with Amy and he just didn’t want to tell her? What if by leaving she’d given him an opening?

A bottle of Yoo-hoo slid out of her hand and smashed on the kitchen floor as her stomach lurched sickly. What if this was Josh’s way of starting to wean the kids away from her and getting them used to Amy?

Her feet were moving before she even sent them a conscious message, which turned out to be a good thing as she barely made it to the bathroom in time before she was violently ill. All she’d eaten that day was the pancakes from breakfast so it didn’t take long for her stomach to empty until she was dry heaving miserably. Adding insult to injury, the vomiting had made her injured rib throb dully.

Leaning back, she flushed the toilet and yanked a hand towel off the rod to wipe her face.

Still sitting on the floor, she leaned back against the wall. After folding the towel so the clean part was facing out, she pressed it to her face as a rush of hot tears came spilling out. 

When had this gotten so hard? Where exactly had it gone off the tracks? After the blow up with Jake, things had been so much better for her and Josh. There had even been moments, like that night he’d helped her up off the couch, when she thought that they were moving toward something more. Now that all seemed in doubt.

Any piece of mind she’d gotten from her talk with Sam was pretty effectively smashed. Her worry was back in full force and she didn’t want to rock the boat any further by trying to talk to Josh about the future...or Amy. 

It was becoming very clear to her that a time was coming when she’d be forced to have that talk with Josh, but in light of what was happening she wasn’t ready to do it yet. In the meantime, being someone who did extensive amounts of research, she felt like she needed to gather more information. There was an outside chance she was missing something and she wanted to go into things with her eyes wide open, not feeling like she was stumbling around in the dark.

Now with some kind of plan in mind, she dropped the towel and grabbed the edge of the counter to pull herself up. She threw copious amounts of cold water on her face and then used some mouthwash to erase, or mostly erase, the sour taste in her mouth.

Blowing her nose, she went to clean up the mess in the kitchen and tried to decide who she needed to call first. 

She considered calling CJ for the particular information she needed, but there was still the fact that she wasn’t really speaking to CJ. She also figured that bringing up this particular subject with CJ would only be asking for trouble, so she did the next best thing.

She called Margaret.

Anyone who’d been around Margaret for more than five minutes knew she had a nose for any type of gossip or information. If she’d ever been so inclined, she probably would have made a fine addition to the CIA. Then again, she wasn’t always what you’d call ‘stealthy’ when gathering said information so maybe not. Maybe she’d be better suited as a gossip columnist.

Dialing Margaret’s desk phone, it rang twice before Margaret picked up. “Leo McGarry’s office.”

Donna hoped her voice didn’t betray any of what had happened over the last half hour. “Hi, Margaret, it’s Donna Moss.”

Margaret’s voice went from professional to friendly. “Hey, Donna, how’s it going?”

Part of Donna once again felt like the jealous, suspicious wife, but she didn't care. “Uh, it’s good. I was actually wondering if you could do something for me.”

"Sure, what do you need?" Margaret asked innocently.

She gave what hoped sounded like a carefree little laugh. "I know it will sound like the dumbest thing, but I’m a little worried about Josh."

Margaret laughed out loud. "Donna, given some of the things Josh has pulled in the past, I'd say that worrying about him is never silly."

"Yeah, good point," Donna said casually. "So here's the thing. Josh insisted on taking the kids..."

"Speaking of the kids, I meant to tell you that they are charmers, especially that little Hannah. She's so adorable."

Despite everything, Donna smiled. "Thanks. So anyway, Josh has the kids all by himself today and he was going to take them around town before bringing them to the White House. I want to check up on him, but he thinks I don’t trust him with the kids and he gives me grief when I try to manage him," she said. "I was hoping you could let me know when he and the kids get there."

"Oh, that's easy," Margaret said. "They got here about twenty minutes ago."

Donna blinked in surprise. "Really?"

"Yeah, that's what I meant about how cute the kids are, he just brought them by so Leo and I could meet them."

"Was he alone?" Donna blurted.

There was a little pause on Margaret's end. "Well, he was with the kids."

"I mean besides the kids." Donna clarified a little impatiently.

"Well, yeah, it was just the three of them." She paused. "Who else would be with him?"

Donna knew she'd said too much and had to cover herself. "Oh, I just thought maybe, you know, Josh met up with Sam or something." It was a lame reply at best.

If Margaret was suspicious, it didn't show in her voice. "No, I didn't see Sam. Just Josh and the kids."

"Okay, well, thanks for letting me know Margaret," she said quickly. "I'll talk to you later."

Now feeling supremely foolish, Donna hung up before Margaret could say anything else and she sank down onto the couch.

"Great, now I'm stalking Josh," she muttered. 

Letting out of breath, she leaned her head back against the sofa and stared up at the ceiling. It was about time she got a grip on her own imagination or she was going to drive Josh away quicker than she could say Amy Gardner.

***********  
The following Friday afternoon, Josh took a sip from his tepid coffee and tapped his pen on the desk while he went over the notes for a briefing memo he was putting together. Given the fact that he'd read the same paragraph three times, he decided it was a losing battle. It was also getting late and he needed to talk to Donna before she left to pick up the kids from school.

Standing up, he stretched and walked to his door. As expected, when he pulled open the door he saw Donna sitting at her desk. He was, however, surprised to see that she seemed to be having a rather animated argument with Sam. What was even stranger was that he couldn't hear what the argument was about because they were doing it in apparently hushed whispers.

He wondered what that little scene was all about. Truth be told, it was just another weird moment in a week of weird moments. Especially between him and Donna. Just as he had Sunday morning, Josh felt like they were having some kind of fight without actually fighting and he had no idea why.

Following CJ's advice, he'd tried to bend over backward to give Donna some room and some time to herself, but it only seemed to be making things worse. He had one more idea he was going to try and if that didn't work he was going to have to rethink what to do next.

Suddenly, he watched Sam stiffen as he realized he was watching them. Donna turned her head to look at him and he saw a flash of guilt in her eyes.

What would she have to be guilty about? Could something be going on between her and Sam?

The very thought made him nauseous. Not to mention he had the sudden and fervent urge to punch Sam. Consequently, he didn't have much choice but to shove the thought down before it could really take root.

"Donna, can I speak to you please?" he said with exaggerated calm. As Donna rose from her chair, Josh didn't miss the little head nods and shakes going between her and Sam.

Unable to watch any longer, he walked back into his office and stood behind the desk to wait for her.

A moment later and with what seemed to him as carefully measured steps, she entered his office. "What did you need?" she asked.

He toyed with a loose piece of paper on his desk. "Close the door." He waited until she'd closed it and turned back to him. "Donna is everything okay?" he asked quietly.

Obviously surprised, she blinked at him. "Of course it is. Why do you ask?"

That had been her standard answer for any time he'd asked the same question this week. "Well, it just looked like you and Sam were having a disagreement or something."

"Oh, that? It was nothing," she told him. "He's just wound up about the State of the Union and needed to vent about it."

It didn't take a detective to know she was lying to him. "And that was it?"

She gave him a weak smile. "What else would it be?"

He dropped into his chair and leaned back. "I don't know, that's why I'm asking," he said folding his hands in his lap to wait for her response. 

"Really, that's all it was."

Not believing her for a second, he nodded. "Ah-kay. So how's everything else going?"

Donna fidgeted slightly, a clear sign she was uncomfortable. "Everything's fine, Josh," she insisted. "What's with the twenty questions?"

He shrugged. "I'm just concerned. I get the feeling something's been bothering you all week and I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do to help?"

Donna looked almost...sad for a moment and he hated seeing that look in her eyes. She opened her mouth as if she was going to say something, then closed it again. "I don't know what you mean, Josh," she finally said.

He couldn't help but feel frustrated and even a little angry that she wasn't being honest with him when something was clearly bothering her. It didn't help that a little voice in the back of his mind kept wondering if she'd had as much trouble sharing what was going on with Sam.

"Fine, whatever," he said in a clipped voice as he leaned forward and started leafing through his briefing notes.

"Is that all you needed?" He heard her ask meekly.

He almost reconsidered telling her what he wanted, but even though she'd lied to him and he was a little mad at her for it, he was also still concerned and held out hope that this last idea might help things.

With a sigh he looked up at her. "No, I wanted to talk to you about your plans with the kids tomorrow."

A little flash of fear went through her eyes. "What about them?"

"Well, I know you were going to take them to go get a Christmas tree tomorrow," he began.

"Yeah..." she said cautiously. "So?"

"I thought maybe you'd like to have the day off from taking care of the kids. I could move around some meetings and take them myself if you'd..."

"NO!" she yelled suddenly making him jump.

He blinked at the vehemence in her sudden mood shift. "I just thought..."

"You can't do this to me, Josh," she said stamping her foot. "You can't take the kids away from me!"

He was completely blindsided by her words. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Tomorrow is my day to spend with the kids, Josh! Getting a Christmas tree was my idea in the first place. I did all the research and I found a Christmas tree farm fifteen miles away near Annapolis. They've got reasonable prices and you can pick your own fresh tree and they'll cut it, wrap it, and load it on the van for me. They've even got pony rides, a petting zoo, crafts and a restaurant. I'm going to take the kids after lunch and make an afternoon of it."

Hands on hips like some avenging angel, she'd apparently run out of things to say and she looked at him defiantly.

He gaped at her for a moment. "I didn't know it was so important to you."

Now she looked like he'd slapped her. "Of course, it's important to me! No matter how hard you try to push me out of their lives, Jake and Hannah are always going to be important to me."

"Push you out of their lives?" he asked in astonishment. "That's not what I was trying to do at all."

"Well, that's what if feels like," Donna said in a now quiet voice. It was as if all the air had gone out of her sails and he thought her eyes were a little too bright like she was about to cry.

He rose from his chair. "Donna..."

She didn't let him finish. "I have to go...I have to pick up the kids from school," she said abruptly.

Obviously, she was looking to escape, but he couldn't let her leave with things like they were. He thought about trying to talk her into letting him come with them tomorrow, but it was pretty clear she didn't want him to be part of her plans with the kids.

"Okay," he paused for just a moment as she started for the door. "Is it still okay if I help with unloading the tree when you guys get back and then help put it up?"

Stopping at the door, she turned to face him. Her eyes were softer now. "Of course, it's okay," she said. "I know the kids want you there."

The words came tumbling out before it occurred to him he might not want to know the answer. "What about you? Do you want me there?"

"Of course, I do," she said softly. "You never have to doubt that, Josh." 

And with that, she disappeared out into the bullpen.

**********  
Early the following evening, Donna and the kids pulled away from the Christmas tree farm singing Jingle Bells, loud and out of tune, but having a wonderful time. It was already dark and a little later than Donna had planned for them to be out, but they'd had such a good time they just hadn't been able to get away any sooner.

As they pulled onto the paved two-lane country road, Donna reflected that their whole afternoon had been just about perfect. Both the kids had loved being out in the country and playing with the animals on the farm. And in addition to the beautiful six foot Christmas tree now secured to the top of the van, they had a wreath and some lengths of fragrant garland the kids wanted for their room.

"So what do you guys want for dinner when we get home?" Donna asked them.

"I want pizza!" Jake piped in from his seat.

It occurred to Donna that pizza would work well while they were putting up the tree. "Pizza sounds good to me, how about you Hannah? Is pizza okay?"

Hannah, who had continued singing tunelessly when Donna and Jake had stopped, paused only long enough to answer. "Yay! Pizza!"

Donna couldn't help but grin at their enthusiasm. "Okay, pizza it is."

"Uncle Josh is still going to help us with the tree tonight, right?" Jake asked.

Donna's grin faded as thoughts of Josh rushed over her again. "Yes, Jake, he said he'd be there when we get home."

She knew she'd overreacted in his office yesterday and the fact that he'd seemed honestly surprised at her comments had weighed heavily on her ever since. She also felt guilty about the fact that the only thing keeping this from being a perfect day had been his absence. An absence that was one-hundred percent her fault. If she'd asked him, she was pretty sure he would have rearranged his schedule to be there with them.

After leaving his office yesterday, it hadn't taken long for her to realize that she couldn't put off the talk she needed to have with him any longer. She'd already been asleep when he'd gotten home last night and he'd had to head out early this morning for a meeting so there hadn't been time to talk to him yet. But her hope was that they could have that talk after the kids had gone to bed tonight.

"Aunt Donna?" Jake asked over the sound of Hannah's tuneless singing.

She shook herself. "Yes, Jake?"

"Have you talked to Uncle Josh about what Hannah and I want for Christmas?"

The car suddenly went quiet as Hannah stopped singing and Donna's stomach clenched. She'd been dreading this moment.

"No, Jake, I haven't been able to," she told him honestly. "We've both been so busy I haven't had a chance to talk about it."

"You promised you'd talk to him," Jake pointed out.

"I know Jake and I plan to keep that promise. In fact, I was thinking about talking to him about it tonight."

There was a long silence from the back seat. "Okay," Jake finally said as Hannah started singing Jingle Bells again. 

"Aunt Donna?" he started again.

Drawing on her patience for all his questions, she let out a breath. "Yes, Jake?"

"Are you and Uncle Josh married?"

Donna was so thrown by the unexpected question, she bobbled the steering wheel ever so slightly. "What on earth made you ask that?"

"I just wondered," he said with a shrug. "Some of the kids at school asked about you and Uncle Josh and I didn't know what to say. I mean you're kind of like a mom and dad and you live in the same place and Uncle Josh did kiss you that time."

She felt oddly self-conscious about having the kids at Jake and Hannah's school ask about her and Josh. "I'm sorry, Jake, but no we're not married," she told him quietly as she focused on the darkened road and gripped the wheel a little tighter. "I'm afraid there's more to marriage than one kiss and living in the same place."

Jake sighed a little. "That's okay, I..."

Donna never saw the small pick-up truck race out of the dark night to run the stop sign on a side road and burst onto the main road. She would never remember feeling the jolt as the truck slammed into the passenger side of the van and crumpled both vehicles horribly. And although the front airbags deployed, she would never remember her head being thrown sideways to smash into the driver's door window.

When everything stopped moving and the rending of metal and the breaking of glass had ceased, the only sound that could be heard on the deserted country road was Hannah's screaming.

***********  
Chapter 20

Josh was just putting on his coat when there was a knock at his door. “Yeah, come in,” he said distractedly as he mentally went through what he had to take home with him.

Sam opened the door and stepped into his office. “Oh, you’re leaving?” 

Josh was still holding onto a little residual anger at Sam over the thing with Donna and wasn’t exactly glad to see him. “Yeah, I was just heading out. Actually, I’m running late, Donna and the kids should be home any time now.”

“Where have they been?”

Josh couldn’t suppress a flash of happiness that Sam didn’t have all the details. “They’ve been out getting a Christmas tree and I promised to be there to help unload it and put it up.”

Sam blinked in surprise. “You? I didn’t think you were into the Christmas tree thing.”

Josh shrugged. “Well, generally I’m not, but it’s important to the kids and we wanted to do what we could to give them a nice Christmas since it’s the first one without their parents.”

Sam nodded. “That’s great.” 

In the pause that followed it was pretty clear to Josh that something was on Sam’s mind. “Did you need something, Sam?”

Sam opened his mouth, then closed it again. “You know what? You’re trying to leave. It can wait.”

Given all that was going on, Josh was a curious to hear what he had to say. Maybe he could find out a little more about the situation with Sam and Donna. 

“No, Sam, go ahead. I’ve got a couple minutes.”

“Oh, well, here’s the thing...” Sam looked a little uncomfortable. “Is it just me or have things been a little off between us since yesterday?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Josh lied.

“Because I got the impression you’ve been avoiding me and a couple of times I caught you giving me a weird look.”

Josh felt backed into a somewhat small corner. This was his friend of umpteen years and it wasn’t fair of him to not give Sam a chance to explain himself. With a sigh, he dropped back into his chair. “Okay, yes, I have been avoiding you a little.”

Concerned, Sam took a few steps forward. “Why? What did I do?”

Josh threw his usual caution to wind and just came out with it. “Is something going on between you and Donna?”

The frown and the blinking look of surprise, told Josh that he’d caught Sam off guard. 

“Like what?” Sam said.

“I don’t know, Sam, you tell me. I know something’s been bothering her this week and I’ve tried and tried to get it out of her and she won’t tell me,” he said in frustration. “Then I see the two of you in a huddle yesterday and it makes me wonder.”

Instead of immediate denials or explanation, Sam surprised him by chuckling. “God, what am I going to do with you two?” he muttered.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean if you’re implying that Donna and I are having...a THING, then you couldn’t be further from the truth,” Sam told him. “First of all, I don’t see her that way, second of all, even if I did see her that way I know she’s...” he trailed off apparently at a loss for words.

“She’s what?”

Sam gave him a little grin. “Let’s just say, I know you’d kill me with your bare hands if I ever tried it.”

Josh fiddled with his pen. "You're both consenting adults...” he said although he knew neither of them were buying it for a second.

“Well, in any case, if you didn’t kill me, I’m sure Ainsley would volunteer for the job,”

“Why would Ainsley care?” Josh asked in confusion.

“Oh, I don’t know, it’s just that in my experience, girlfriends tend to care about stuff like that.”

It took Josh a second to catch what Sam had said. “Girlfriends? You mean...you and ....Ainsley? As in Hayes? As in our Deputy White House counsel?” he said, his eyebrows shooting halfway to his hair line and his voice going high and squeaky.

Sam grinned. “Last time I looked, yeah.”

Suddenly Josh was beside himself with happiness over the fact that Sam was dating someone other than Donna. “How long has this been going on?”

“About two weeks.”

“You mean you’re dating and everything?”

Sam gave him a pointed look. “No Josh, since I’m ashamed to be seen in public with her, we decided to skip dating and go right to the copious amounts of sex part.”

“Seriously?”

“No, you idiot, I’m kidding,” Sam said looking like he was ready to smack Josh. “Ainsley’s not a sex on the first date kind of woman. Of course, we’re dating. In fact, we’re having a late dinner tonight.”

A weight seemed to lift off Josh’s shoulders now that Sam was no threat to him and Donna. He broke into a grin. “That’s great, Sam, I hope it works out.”

Sam looked surprised. “You’re not going to freak out about me and her?”

Josh frowned. “No? Why should I?”

“Well, she is a Republican and we do work together,” Sam pointed out.

“True, but she’s a Republican that works for us and more often than not she seems to be on our side so I’ll cut her some slack,” Josh told him with a smirk. “As for working together you don’t report to each other so I don’t see the problem there.”

“So you’re really okay with this?”

“Yes, I’ve always liked her, Sam.” Josh’s smirk grew wider. “I especially liked watching her wipe the floor with you on Capitol Beat.”

“God, I’m never going to live that down,” Sam grumbled.

Josh shook his head. “No, especially since you’re now dating her.”

They both chuckled about it for a minute.

“So are we okay now?” Sam asked him.

“Yeah, of course we are,” Josh let out a breath as he leaned back in his chair. “I’m sorry, Sam, this thing with Donna is getting to me. It's like we're having a fight, but there is no yelling or slamming doors or angry glares. She's been quiet, but I don't think she's been giving me the silent treatment. Things are just...not quite right. Do you have ANY idea what’s bugging her?” 

The look Sam gave him was pretty transparent. “Well...”

“So you DO know!”

Sam held up a hand. “I’m not positive. I think I know...well, I suspect anyway.”

“Well?! What is it?” Josh demanded finally feeling close to some answers.

“I think you should hear it from her.”

“But she won’t tell me!" he pointed out.

“I know,” Sam acknowledged. “That’s what she and I were talking about yesterday when you came out of your office. I was trying to convince her to tell you.”

“Well, she hasn’t. When I called her into my office, I asked her straight out what was wrong and she said everything was fine.”

Sam sighed. “I think she’s scared.”

Josh felt his heart give a little lurch. “You mean she’s scared of...me?” he asked in a stunned voice.

“No, Josh, not of you. She’s scared of what you’re going to say,” Sam clarified.

Josh stared at him. “Can’t you tell me anything more? I mean, come on, Sam, can’t you at least give me a hint so I know what I’m up against?”

Sam stared at him for a long moment. “Amy and the kids,” he said simply.

Josh frowned in confusion. “Amy and the kids, that’s it? You mean two things are bothering her?”

“No, it’s all the same thing, they’re related,” Sam said.

Josh was still baffled. “How in the hell are Amy and the kids related?”

“That’s why you need to talk to Donna,” Sam told him.

Just then, the cell phone lying on the desk, started to vibrate. Josh looked at the display. “It’s Donna,” he said. “She’s probably calling to find out where I am.”

Sam looked at him over the ringing phone. “Talk to her, Josh, don’t yell, talk. I think if you reassure her, you’ll get her to open up.”

Josh’s first instinct was to snatch up the phone and get into it with Donna right then, but he thought better of it and knew that tonight after the kids were in bed would be a better idea. “Okay,” he agreed.

Picking up the phone, he flipped it open and answered the call. “Hey,” he said with more calm than he really felt. “You guys home already? I was just heading out, I should be there in...”

He realized with a jolt that the only sound he heard on the other end of the phone was someone crying. His heart was instantly in his throat.

“Donna?” he said. “What’s wrong?” No answer was forthcoming, only more crying. “Donna?!” he demanded. “Talk to me, what’s going on?!”

Sam, seeing Josh’s distress moved closer. “What’s wrong?” he whispered.

“I don’t know,” Josh whispered back. “It’s Donna’s phone, but all I can hear is crying and I don’t think it’s Donna.”

He spoke into the phone again, trying to keep his voice calm when all he wanted to do was shout. “Is anyone there?" he tried. "Please answer me."

A million scenarios went through his mind. They’d been kidnapped. Taken hostage. Crushed by a collapsing Christmas tree. Attacked by psychotic ponies or animals in the petting zoo. 

As the crying continued, he realized who it was. "Hannah? Is that you?"

As if hearing her name or his voice made her calm down a little, the crying slowed until it was more a series of sniffles and hiccups than actual crying. "Hannah, please talk to me,” he begged.

What he couldn’t figure out was where was Donna? He knew without a doubt that if the kids were in danger she would have fought tooth and nail to protect them and she never would have left them of her own free will. Something was wrong...very wrong.

“Unca Josh?” she finally said in a very wet and wobbly whisper. 

“Yes, Hannah, it's me," he asked carefully. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"

There was more sniffling and some little hiccupping sobs. "Our car got hurt." 

His stomach rolling greasily, Josh covered the mouth piece. "I think they've been in an accident or something." 

Like a shot, Sam snatched up the office phone on Josh’s desk and dialed Ron Butterfield. There was a protocol to be followed when anything happened to a White House staffer, especially one as senior as Donna. It didn’t matter if it was something that happened on or off the White House grounds. Since Donna’s phone was a work phone Sam knew they could trace its location and work with the local authorities to get help. After he’d gotten them rolling on that he called Leo.

While Sam made his calls, Josh was trying to coax more details from Hannah. "Can you tell me where Donna is, Hannah?"

More hiccupping. Between her crying and the fact that she was whispering, he had to strain to hear her. 

"I can’t wake her up."

The words sent a cold chill went through him and for a moment, he thought he was going to pass out. If he hadn't been sitting down, he probably would have folded where he stood.

Something had happened to Donna.

Dimly, he knew he couldn't let that idea or the images it evoked get any farther or he'd be useless to help Donna or the kids. Bearing down, he pushed everything else aside.

"Where’s Jake?" he asked next.

She began to cry harder. "I can’t wake him up either.”

“No, no, Hannah, it’s okay, don’t cry,” Josh said, trying to calm her down. “We’re going to fix it, but I need your help so you’re going to have to be really brave right now, okay?”

It seemed to work because her cries began to slow again. “Okay,” she said with another hiccup.

"Now, what about you? Are you hurt? Did you hit your head or anything?"

"No," she reported. “Me and Bentley are okay.”

"That’s good, I’m glad. Now can you tell me where you are?" he asked her next.

"In the car."

Josh had to control the urge to yell, 'I know you’re in the car!' but he managed to keep a grip on himself. Getting upset was only going to make Hannah shut down that much easier.

"I know, you’re in the car, but do you know where the car is?"

"In the woods," she said simply.

Well, that didn't help much. "Are there any buildings around?”

"No, just trees."

Josh needed to move, had to feel like he was doing something and jumping up from his chair, he began to pace. Information...he needed information or he was going to go crazy.

“Are Donna and Jake still in their seats?”

“Uh, huh,” she affirmed.

“What about you? Are you still in your booster seat?”

“No, I’m on the floor.”

Josh frowned. “How did you get on the floor?”

“It was the only place to sit.”

“Why aren’t strapped in your car seat?”

“I got out, but...” her voice trailed off.

“But what, Hannah?”

Her voice got even quieter as if someone would overhear her. “Don’t tell Aunt Donna, I don’t want her to be mad.”

“Why would she be mad?”

“’Cause she said I’m supposed to wait until she gets me out.”

Given what was happening, Josh didn’t know whether to smile or start crying. “I’m sure she won’t be mad this time,” he replied. 

Suddenly, Leo appeared in the doorway. He was slightly out of breath as if he’d run down there from his office. “Come on, they've narrowed the phone’s location down to somewhere in rural Maryland near Annapolis,” he told Josh. 

Josh remembered Donna saying that the Christmas tree farm was near Annapolis.

“My driver is gonna take you,” he continued. “The car’s outside and Ron’s going to call him when they get the exact location. Fire and rescue and the local PD have all been notified and we’ll keep them updated so they’ll probably beat you there,” Leo finished. “Sam, you’d better go with him."

“I planned to,” Sam told him.

Josh was already running toward the door. "Okay, Hannah, we're coming to get you guys. Just promise you'll keep talking to me, okay?”

“‘kay,” she said with a sniff.

“Whatever you do, DON'T hang up the phone," he said praying that both cell phone batteries didn’t run too low and the reception didn’t drop out.

“I won’t,” she told him.

“Keep me posted!” Leo called after them.

Running through the Northwest Lobby, Josh and Sam burst outside to find Leo’s car and driver waiting. Jumping into the back of it, the car was moving before the doors were even closed completely. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Josh,” Sam said careful to keep his voice low so Hannah wouldn't hear.

Pulling the phone back slightly, Josh stared at him, the look on his eyes bordering on devastated. “It has to be.”

“Unca Josh?” Hannah said quietly. 

“I’m right here, Hannah,” Josh replied as the car was cleared through the main gate and sped into the night. “What is it?”

“I’m scared,” she said and Josh could hear the tears in her voice again.

Closing his eyes, he took a second to get a grip on himself or else they’d both be crying. “I know you are, Pixie,” he said picking up the pet name Donna always used for Hannah. 

"It’s dark,” she said. “I don’t like the dark.”

“I know you don’t, but you’re not alone," he tried to encourage her. "You've got Bentley and I'm right here on the phone. Do you think you can be brave for just a little bit longer?”

“I’ll try,” she said.

“That’s my girl," he said. 

He heard another cell phone ring and he saw the driver answer it and nod. Josh hoped it was someone calling with their exact location. With it being a Saturday evening, there was hardly any traffic and the driver was breaking a few land speed records so he hoped they'd be there soon. He tried to think of what to say to Hannah next to keep her calm.

"Hannah, are you still there?"

"Uh, huh," she answered.

“Can you tell me what hurt the car?” he asked. “Did something hit it?”

“A truck.”

“Was it a big truck or a little truck?”

“I don’t know.” she said.

“That’s okay, Hannah, don’t worry.”

“Are you gonna be here soon?” she said with a note of pleading in her voice.

“I swear we’re almost there,” he said trying to reassure her and himself. Honestly, he’d been so focused on the phone, he had no idea exactly where they were. Suddenly, he realized that he was out of questions to ask her, but he knew he needed to keep her talking so he went in another direction.

“Hey, Hannah?”

“Yeah?”

"What did you guys do today?"

Trying to keep her distracted, he let her talk in hushed tones and halting words for the next few minutes. As she talked her voice got a little stronger. Oddly, hearing her talk so innocently about the fun they had helped keep him calm too. But then, all of a sudden she stopped.

"Hannah? What's wrong?"

“I think Jake’s waking up.” Her voice got a little softer as if she had moved away from the phone. “Jake! Wake up, Jake!”

Josh felt a tiny part of his heart begin to relax. If Jake was okay, maybe that meant Donna would be okay too. He had to believe that. Anything else was unacceptable.

“Hannah? What’s happening?” Josh said into the phone loudly in case she’d put the phone down. “Is Jake waking up?”

It took her a moment to answer. “He’s kinda awake,” she told Josh.

Josh thought he heard some moaning in the background. “What do you mean?”

“He’s awake but...sleepy,” she tried to explain.

Josh nodded and wondered if Jake had a concussion or a head injury of some kind.

“He says his arm hurts.”

“Okay, you tell him that help is on the way,” Josh told her.

Her voice got a little farther away again as she must have turned to talk to Jake. “It’s okay, Jake. Unca Josh says they’re gonna help us. Don’t be scared.”

Josh couldn’t help but smile at Hannah’s attempts to reassure Jake.

"What’s that?” he heard Hannah say.

“What’s wrong, Hannah?”

“I hear something."

His heart started thudding hard and fast in his chest. "What do you hear?" 

Could it be Donna waking up too? he wondered.

"Sirens," she said.

Although he was disappointed the noise was apparently not Donna and as much trouble as he'd had with the sound of sirens since Rosslyn, now Josh could honestly say he was relieved they were there. 

"It's okay, it's probably just the policemen and firemen coming to get you guys out of the car,” he assured her.

“I see lights too,” Hannah told him.

“Good. Now Hannah, I want you and Jake to do what they tell you, okay?"

"Okay, but you're still coming too, right?" she said in a voice threatening to wobble again.

"Yes, just another couple of minutes." He pulled the phone away from his mouth. “How far away are we?!” he yelled to the driver.

“It should be just ahead,” he reported back. 

As it turned out, the driver was right and it was just ahead. Josh saw the flashes from the emergency vehicles through the trees just before they got to the site. Problem was, once they cleared the trees he couldn’t see the accident itself for the swarm of emergency vehicles blocking his view. 

“Okay, Hannah, we’re here now, so I’m going to hang up. I’ll see you in just a few minutes.”

“’kay.”

“And remember what I said and do what the firemen tell you and they’ll have you out of there in no time.”

“I will, Unca Josh. I promise,” she said solemnly.

Gripping the phone in his hand so hard he was close to breaking it, the car hadn’t even stopped completely before Josh had the door open and was jogging down the road toward the crash site with Sam only a couple of steps behind him. In addition, to the fire engine and a rescue squad, two Maryland State Troopers cars were parked on the side of the road and they were already setting up flares to block off the area. 

As he cleared the front of the fire engine, Josh saw the crash for the first time and it nearly dropped him in the middle of the street.

The still functioning part of his brain knew the front of the van should have been facing him in the opposite lane. But the force of the crash had pulled the van into the oncoming lane so now it was sitting diagonally across both lanes pointing way from him. He tried to take some kind of comfort in the fact that the back end of the van looked okay.

It was a hollow comfort when he took in the whole scene. 

Like an obscene appendage, a small black pick-up truck was still imbedded and sticking out of the passenger side of the van near the front seat passenger. The front half of the truck, including the passenger cabin had accordioned into itself and was largely unrecognizable. Glass and metal and bits and pieces of both vehicles littered the road.

In almost a parody of the season, the Christmas tree they'd bought that afternoon, still wrapped in its protective netting, had partially fallen off the top the van to hang limply to the side. What looked to be four fire rescue personnel were swarming over both vehicles. Another was hosing down the engines of both vehicles and the ground in case of a fire or any leaking gasoline.

“Oh, God,” Sam murmured from beside him as he took in the crash scene.

Like a starter's pistol, Sam's words seemed to jump start Josh and he took off for the mangled vehicles at a flat run.

"JOSH!" Sam yelled as he chased after him.

Josh only got about halfway to the van before Sam, two state troopers and the fire captain barely managed to stop him.

“LET GO OF ME!” Josh roared struggling to break their hold. "DONNA!"

“Sir! You have to calm down and let the rescue people do their job!” the fire captain said.

“But that’s my family in there!" he said almost in tears born of frustration and fear.

"Yes, sir. And we're doing all we can to help them," the fire captain told him.

“Are you Mr. Lyman?!” one of the troopers asked.

“Yes, now let me go!” he said still struggling. 

“Not until you calm down!” the trooper yelled back. “Mr. McGarry called us and he said to lend you any assistance we could but we can’t let you interfere with a rescue operation. You could endanger yourself or your family. I don't want to lock you in the back of my patrol car, but I will if you don't calm down!” 

"Come on, Josh," Sam said. "Donna and the kids are in good hands." 

The fight suddenly went out of Josh, leaving him shaky and ready to collapse under the emotional weight of the situation.

While the trooper had meant what he said about locking him in his patrol car, he was not without sympathy. "Good. Now why don't you come over here and sit down, Mr. Lyman?" he motioned to the back bumper of the rescue squad. "They’ll be bringing your family here as soon as they get them out and in the mean time, you'll be able to see everything they’re doing."

Sam eased Josh down onto the bumper. "Do you know how soon they might get them out?" he asked the fire captain who was standing nearby with one of the troopers in case Josh made a break for it again.

"They should be bringing the girl out as soon as they can pry one of the doors open," he said. "They think she's okay but they can't get her to answer their questions."

Josh blinked. "She won't speak to them," he said.

When the captain frowned, Sam tried to explain. "Most of the time, she's a total mute."

The captain nodded. "Anyway, she appears to be in good shape."

Sam laid his hand on Josh's shoulder to try and keep him in place before he asked his next question. "How about everyone else?"

The captain glanced at Josh and then back to Sam. "I'm afraid the driver of the truck didn't make it," he said. "They're still assessing the injuries of the other two occupants of the van."

"Donna and Jake," Josh blurted.

"Excuse me?" the captain said in confusion.

"Their names are Donna and Jake."

Before the captain could make any kind of reply or apology, there was a flurry of activity near the van and one of the paramedics came away carrying Hannah in his arms. It didn't take her long to spot Josh and when she did, she nearly jumped out of the paramedic's arms. If he hadn't had such a good grip on her, he would have dropped her. 

Hannah, of course, stubbornly wanted down so she started squirming and became about as cooperative as a wet eel. Josh somehow managed to stand on his own and he took a couple steps toward them.

“I think someone wants their daddy,” the young female paramedic said with a smile. 

It didn’t even occur to Josh to correct her comment about being Hannah’s father. 

“There you go, sweetheart,” she said handing her over to Josh. As soon as he had his arms around Hannah, she buried her face against Josh’s neck and burst into tears.

“It’s okay, Pixie, you’re safe now,” Josh said trying to soothe her.

“Don’t worry, it’s common for kids to be emotional after a crisis situation,” the paramedic told him. “Why don’t you bring her into the squad so I can give her a quick once over?”

With Sam steadying Josh, he climbed into the back of the ambulance-type squad with Hannah. After a little coaxing from Josh and the provision she could remain sitting in Josh’s lap, Hannah let the paramedic check her basic vital signs.

The paramedic pulled the small BP cuff off Hannah’s arm and nodded. “Okay, they’ll want to check her out at the hospital too just to be safe, but I think she’s all right. She’s just shaken up.” She pulled out a clipboard. “Now if I could get some basic information on your wife and son.” 

Due to the fact the kids had different last name, Josh clarified. "Jake is not our son, not biological anyway, he and Hannah are brother and sister but they're our foster children."

The paramedic nodded. "I'll note that on the form."

It didn't occur to him to correct her about Donna not being his wife and the paramedic didn't think to question the fact that her last name was different as it wasn't all that uncommon to have spouses that didn't share a last name. 

Quickly, going through the high points of names, ages, allergies and other important medical information on Jake and Donna, including asking if she could be pregnant, the paramedic pulled together a quick medical history on both of them. Somehow Josh managed to answer most of her questions and he’d been silently thankful that Donna had suggested he’d read through both kids medical files the social worker had sent along with their other papers.

“Since he’s a minor, I also need you to sign this release so the doctors will be able to treat the boy,” she said, handing him the clipboard and a pen. Silently and automatically, he signed the form without reading it and handed it back to her.

She gave it a last glance to make sure everything was in order. “Okay, thank you, Mr. Lyman. Now, I’ve got to get back and help my partner.”

She started to climb out of the back of the squad, but Josh stopped her. “Please how are Jake and....” He swallowed hard. “Donna?”

As she often did when determining what to say and what not to say to a victim’s family, she gave him an assessing look for a moment. 

“Please...” he begged.

She nodded. “We suspect your son...Jake, has a broken arm and a concussion. Your wife’s only injury appears to be some kind of head injury.” Josh must have paled a bit at that. “But both their vitals are strong and we’re in communication with the hospital. Since we’re so far out here, we’ve ordered a helicopter to airlift your wife and the boy to Johns Hopkins Medical Center in Baltimore. They have one of the best level one trauma units in the nation.”

“Can Hannah and I go with them?”

“No, I’m sorry. With both patients and all the equipment on board, there just isn’t room in the helicopter. Even my partner and I can’t go,” she explained. “There’s a trauma flight nurse on board and she’ll see to their care while in transit.”

“What about Hannah? You said she should get checked out at the hospital?”

She nodded. “We can take you both to the local hospital in the ambulance or you can sign a release for Hannah and you can take her by car to Johns Hopkins and have them check her out when you get there,” she said climbing down out of the squad. “I’ll check back with you after we get your wife and son on their way to see what you want to do.”

He nodded numbly as the paramedic hurried off to help with Donna and Jake. He tried to hold onto the fact that she’d said Donna and Jake’s vital signs were strong and they were going to one of the best hospitals in the nation. He rubbed Hannah’s back almost unconsciously, which of the two of them he was trying to comfort most he didn’t know.

“Josh?” Sam said quietly a few minutes later, hoping not to startle him.

Unfortunately, it startled him anyway. “Yeah,” he said, blinking as he focused in on Sam.

“How you doing?”

Josh gave him a weak little smile, but it came out more like a grimace. “I honestly don’t know, Sam.”

“Yeah,” Sam said gravely. “Well, I filled Leo in on what’s going on. He said the car and driver are at your disposal as long as you need them. He’ll take us to Baltimore whenever you’re ready.”

Obviously, Sam had been listening to his discussion with the paramedic. “I can’t leave until Donna and Jake are out.”

“I figured as much,” Sam replied. “The State Troopers are going to give us an escort so we can be there as soon as possible.”

Josh's heart started pounding like a team of racing horses again as he saw the two paramedics emerge from the driver's side of the van. They were carrying Donna between them on a backboard, which they laid on a gurney.

From his vantage point, he had no idea if she was awake or not. In addition to the normal straps keeping her in place, her head and neck were strapped down to the board like something out of the Bride of the Mummy. She probably couldn't have moved if she'd wanted to. But given the fact that one of the few things he could see, one of her hands, was hanging limply beside her, he didn't think she was.

Of course, that image did nothing to make him feel better. She was so close and yet Josh felt like there was an immense barrier between them.

In a way it was probably good that his arms were full of Hannah, because it made it a little tough for him to move very quickly. If he'd been free to move, he might not have been able to keep himself from running over to Donna and to see how she was doing for himself.

Next, they brought out Jake and laid him on a second gurney. He was also strapped to a backboard similar to Donna's but it was smaller and obviously designed for a child. Josh could see his right arm was swathed in a thick brace, presumably to stabilize his broken arm. 

Josh was so focused on watching what they were doing to Donna and Jake, he didn't notice the female paramedic he'd talked to earlier walk over to him.

"Mr. Lyman?" she said.

He shook himself. "Yes?"

"The helicopter is a few minutes out, but we've got your family ready for transport. You can come and wait with them if you'd like."

"Really?" he said ready to jump at the chance. "Thank you."

Holding onto Hannah and letting Sam steady him, he climbed out of the back of the squad. "Hannah, could Sam hold you for a little bit while I go check on Donna and Jake?"

Hannah looked at Sam who was holding out his arms to her, but she shook her head and held onto Josh tighter. He knew that trying to make her go to someone else would only do more harm than good. "It's okay, you can come with me." He patted her on the back and nodded to Sam. "It's all right."

Turning, he followed the paramedic over to the two gurneys. He was a bit surprised to find that his steps became harder the closer he got. How he could feel so relieved and terrified at the same time he had no clue.

By then the paramedics had covered both Donna and Jake with thick blankets to keep them warm in the cold winter night and their faces were about the only thing he could see. 

Knowing he wouldn’t want to leave Donna once he saw her, he stopped at Jake’s gurney first. His small head seemed to swim in all the equipment he was secured into. He was wearing a cervical collar around his heck and his head was secured to the back board much like Donna's was but without quite so many bandages. Josh wasn’t sure what he expected, but he was a little surprised to see that Jake’s face looked pretty normal. What’s more, despite looking a little dazed and a lot worried, his eyes were open and he seemed alert enough.

He thought about trying to take a hold of Jake’s hand, but he was on the side of his broken arm so he didn't want to risk hurting him. Instead, he laid his hand lightly on Jake's shoulder.

“Jake, how are you feeling?” he asked gently, not knowing what else to say. Jake said something, but given the fact that they were outside and there was a slight breeze blowing Josh couldn’t hear what it was. “I’m sorry, Jake, I didn’t catch that,” he said bending down so his ear was near Jake’s mouth.

“Is Aunt Donna dead?” he said weakly and with a tearful wobble in his voice.

His comment was a punch in Josh’s stomach. “No, Jake, she not.”

“They wouldn’t tell me,” Jake said. His voice was a little steadier now.

“I swear to you, Jake, she’s not dead. She’s unconscious but that’s just because she has a pretty bad bump on her head.” He paused to let that sink in. “They think she’s going to be just fine...they think you’re BOTH going to be just fine.” He tried to smile. “And hey, just think what a story you’re going to have to tell to the kids at school. You’re probably going to get a great cast on your arm that everyone will want to sign and you’ll be riding to the hospital in a helicopter. How many of the kids can say that?”

“That’s pretty cool,” he murmured, his eyes growing heavy. “Hannah’s okay too?”

“Yeah, she’s fine,” he told Jake. “I’ve got her right here.”

Josh was forced to shift his weight a little when, without much warning, Hannah stretched out and pressed a little kiss to Jake’s cheek. Since Josh was already bent over to listen to Jake, she didn’t have to stretch very far.

“Feel better, Jake,” she whispered to him.

“’kay,” he said more as a sigh than anything else. Now that he knew everyone was okay, Jake seemed to let go. Under his hand, Josh could feel Jake’s shoulder finally relaxing as his eyes slid closed. Following Hannah’s example, Josh bent and kissed a small patch of his forehead not covered by the straps. 

Pushing himself up, Josh managed to suppress a groan when his back protested him leaning over and holding Hannah for so long. Then he walked around Jake's gurney to check on Donna.

Unlike Jake, Donna’s face definitely looked worse for wear. Although her face was relaxed like she was sleeping, dried blood liberally coated one side of it and he couldn’t see much of her head above her eyes because of the swaths of bandages they had encircling it. Tiny cuts, probably from flying glass, peppered both sides of her face and to a lesser degree along her neck.

“Has she woken up yet?” Josh asked the male half of the paramedic team who was taking Donna’s vitals again so he could give the hospital an update.

“No, not yet,” he told Josh. “But that's not uncommon with head injuries. All the rest of her vitals are holding steady.”

Josh nodded and saw that the paramedic hadn’t covered her hand completely after he’d taken her pulse. “Can I hold her hand?” he asked.

“Yes, just watch her I.V.,” he said as he moved to check on Jake.

Carefully, Josh slid his hand under hers. He’d never really appreciated how delicate her hands were. The one he now held seemed small and slim in his.

Ignoring the protests he knew his back would put up later, he leaned down with Hannah so his mouth was close to Donna’s ear. “You can’t leave me now. I need you to wake up and tell me how I screwed us up so badly so I can fix it and make you smile again.” 

As she’d done with Jake, Hannah stretched out and placed a kiss on her cheek. “I love you, Aunt Donna,” she whispered.

Josh felt his throat close up at Hannah’s simple statement. Leaning in a little closer he added one of his own. 

“I didn’t stop for red lights, Donna,” he said quietly. Leaning in, he touched his lips to hers tenderly. “And I never will.”

Anything else he might have said was halted by the sound of the approaching helicopter. In preparation for it’s arrival, the state troopers had used road flares to set up a make-shift landing pad on the road. Luckily, the trees were back far enough from the two lane road to give it room to land.

Straightening, Josh looked up and saw the helicopter clear the tops of the trees and circle the landing area to make sure there were no obstructions.

“You’ll have to stand back now, Mr. Lyman,” the female paramedic yelled to him over the growing sound of the rotors. 

With a nod, he tucked Donna’s hand back under the blanket and keeping a tight grip on Hannah, he backed slowly away. 

The helicopter descended into the clearing and landed gently on the road. The wind and the noise were almost deafening. Sam appeared at Josh’s side and took his arm to help steady him in the turbulence.

Josh’s eyes stayed locked on both gurneys as first Donna and then Jake were loaded onboard. He saw the paramedics exchange words and a large batch of paperwork with a woman dressed in a blue jumpsuit. He guessed the blue jumpsuit woman was the trauma flight nurse the paramedic had mentioned earlier.

After the nurse had climbed back aboard, the paramedics sealed the door and moved out of the way. 

Josh wasn't sure how it was possible, but the turbulence and the noise increased as the helicopter powered up. He watched as it lifted smoothly into the sky, cleared the trees, and disappeared into the inky black night.

Suddenly he had the overwhelming feeling that Donna was being snatched away from him. And even though it was probably already miles away, for a secret, wild moment he wanted to run after the helicopter and make them take him along.

What if Donna woke up? What if she asked for him and he wasn’t there?

He was startled out of his thoughts by Hannah's tiny hand touching his cheek. "Don't cry, Unca Josh, it will be okay," she whispered.

Josh hadn't even realized he had tears streaming down his face until she'd said something. As the sound of the helicopter finally faded into silence, he hugged her tighter and he hoped his words would be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

"I know, Pixie, I know."

TBC


	5. Little Wonders: Chapters 21-25

**********  
Chapter 21

As it turned out, Johns Hopkins had two separate emergency rooms. One for adult trauma victims and the other for pediatric victims. Consequently, once they made it there by car, Josh didn't have much choice but to go to the pediatric ER with Hannah to get her checked out and get an update on Jake. Meanwhile, he sent Sam off to the main ER for any news on Donna. The intervening hours had been a blur of waiting rooms, paperwork-laden clipboards and calls to Sam every five minutes for some kind of an update on Donna.

Currently, Josh was pacing beside a gurney that he'd finally managed to coax Hannah to sit down on. A young female resident, who didn't look much older than Hannah herself was checking her over.

"You, little one, are just fine," she said. "And for being so brave..." She reached into the pocket of her white coat and pulled out two smiley face stickers. Peeling the backing off, she stuck one on Hannah's hand and one on Bentley's stomach. "There you go."

The resident looked at Josh and smiled. "She may have a few bumps and bruises, but I don't see evidence of any real injuries," she diagnosed as she signed a release form for Hannah. "But if she should have any problems with lethargy or headaches or pain, then get her to a doctor right away."

Josh nodded. "Okay, I will."

"Mr. Lyman?" Another voice said from behind him.

Josh turned to see a middle-aged male doctor standing there. "Yes?"

"I'm doctor Mayhew," he introduced himself. "I've been treating Jake."

He shook the doctor's hand. "How is he?"

Dr. Mayhew smiled. "He's going to be just fine. We took CT scans of his head and didn't find anything significant. It appears he just has a very mild concussion. As for his arm, the x-rays showed a closed fracture in his forearm. The good news is, it was a clean break in the ulna and there's no need for surgery. He'll just need a cast on his arm for about six weeks."

"And that's it?" Josh asked. "He's okay otherwise?"

He nodded. "Yes, but because of the concussion I would like to keep him overnight for observation."

Josh felt an immense sense of relief that Jake was going to be all right. "Can I see him?"

"He's up in orthopedics having a cast put on his arm and then they'll move him to a room in pediatrics." He wrote something down on a prescription pad, tore it off and handed it to Josh. "Here's the room number. Give us about a half hour to get him up there and settled."

As the doctor turned and walked away, Josh turned back to Hannah who was still on the gurney. Her eyes were getting heavy and it looked like she was about ready to fall asleep sitting up.

"Well, Pixie, you ready to get out of here and go check on Aunt Donna?"

Hannah nodded sleepily and Josh picked her up off the gurney. He thought about trying to save his back and put her down so she could walk under her own power, but even if he could talk her into it, he honestly didn't think she had the energy to walk. There was also the fact the he was in a hurry to get to the regular ER and if he tried to make her walk, she'd just slow them down.

Even though both ER departments were in the same building, they were some distance apart and the walk between the two waiting rooms was quite a hike. Of course, it didn't help that he was exhausted and because she had fallen asleep almost as soon as they'd walked out of the pediatric ER, he had to carry Hannah's dead weight. It had been an incredibly long night and there didn't seem to be an end in sight.

It was odd really. Usually, no matter how tired he was his mind remained active. In fact, often the more tired his body was the more active his mind was. But as he walked quickly through the halls of the hospital, his mind wasn't obsessing about the accident or the kids or anything else. Instead, his mind was relatively quiet and focused on one thing - getting to Donna.

As simple as that was, it hadn't been simple at all. It seemed like everything that night had been designed to stand between him getting to her. The helicopter had taken her away. The doctors had to do their tests. The kids had to be seen to. But that was all coming to an end. He'd just about reached the end of his patience. If he didn't get to see her soon, he was pretty sure he was going to lose it.

Walking into the waiting room of the main ER, Josh spotted Sam right away, but he was a little surprised to see that he was not alone. Ainsley was sitting in the seat next to him.

Seeing Ainsley's long blonde hair, made him long for Donna even more.

They both stood when they saw Josh walk in with Hannah. After giving a nod to Ainsley to acknowledge her presence, Josh focused in on Sam. "Any news on Donna?" 

"No, not yet, but a nurse told us the doctor would be out soon," Sam told him. "How's Hannah?" Sam asked.

Josh tried not to let his disappointment over the lack of news about Donna show. "Fine. They checked her over and couldn't find anything wrong."

"She asleep?" he asked next.

"Yeah, she conked out on the walk over here."

"Poor thing's probably exhausted," Ainsley added.

"Your back must be killing you from holding her so long," Sam said. "I know she didn't want me to hold her earlier, but why don't you let me try to take her for a while?"

"She won't mind now," Josh said. "Once she's asleep it usually takes an atomic blast to wake her up." 

Sam started to reach for her. "I have a better idea," Ainsley put in. "Why not save both your backs and lay her on the seat beside me? It's padded and she can put her head in my lap."

"Good idea," Sam said. 

Ainsley sat down and patted the seat next to her. "Lay her down," she said.

Carefully, Josh put Hannah down next to Ainsley and settled her head on Ainsley's lap. With a groan he stood up and stretched. As he suspected, now that he was relieved of his burden, his back protested mightily. 

Josh dragged a hand through his hair. "Why the hell don't they tell us something?"

Sam frowned suddenly at something over Josh's shoulder. "Josh," he said nodding his head in that direction.

Expecting to find a doctor standing there, Josh turned and instead saw a state trooper walking toward them. Vaguely, Josh remembered the trooper as one of the ones that gave them an escort to the hospital.

"Mr. Lyman, I'm Officer Stevens."

Josh blinked at him in confusion. "What can I do for you, officer?"

"We've finished our preliminary investigation at the crash site and Mr. McGarry asked that I keep you informed."

Josh sensed Sam tensing up beside him. While Josh didn't think the accident could possibly be Donna's fault, he was still worried about what the trooper had to say. "What did you find out?"

"From his Maryland driver's license, we learned that the driver of the truck was a man named Michael Williams. We ran a check on him and we found that he had quite a record both here in Maryland and in D.C."

"What kind of record?" Sam asked before Josh could. 

"He had two convictions for DUI here in Maryland and one in the District," he referred to his notes. "He was also driving on a suspended license."

Josh began pacing in quick, short steps. "So you think he was drunk tonight?" he asked trying to suppress the anger that threatened to wash over him at how one man's stupidity could have cost him Donna and the kids.

The trooper nodded. "The evidence would seem to indicate that, yes. We'll have to wait for the autopsy results to know for sure, but we found an open can of beer in the cab, along with what looked like the remains of a six pack. According to a receipt we found, he bought the six pack earlier tonight."

"So you're saying the accident wasn't Donna's fault?"

"That's correct. As I said, this is preliminary, but regardless of whether or not Mr. Williams was driving while impaired, our findings indicate that he ran through a stop sign and hit Miss Moss' van. She had the right of way and wasn't speeding. Consequently, we can find no evidence that she was at fault in any way."

Josh was at least relieved about that. He suspected that Donna was going to be upset enough about the death of the other driver, but at least when he finally got to see her, he could tell her that the accident was in no way her fault.

"Okay, thank you," Josh said.

"You're welcome. I hope your family is all right," he said handing Josh a card with his contact information. "If there's anything our office can do, please don't hesitate to contact us." 

"I'll keep that in mind," Josh replied.

With a nod, the trooper turned and walked away, but he paused at the door. "Oh, by the way, Mr. Seaborn," he said. "I took care of that item you asked about."

"Thank you," Sam said. "I appreciate your help."

Josh frowned at Sam as the trooper left. "What's he talking about? What item?"

"Don't worry about it," Sam said a little enigmatically. "You've got bigger things to think about right now."

"But..."

Before Josh could press him further, someone called his name. "Mr. Lyman? Joshua Lyman?"

Whipping around, Josh saw it was woman, presumably a doctor, in a white coat. "I'm Josh Lyman," he said as his heart went from 0 to 60 and jumped into his throat.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Myers. I've been treating Ms. Moss."

"How is she?" Josh asked anxiously.

"All things considered, very lucky," the doctor told him. "She has a fairly severe concussion, but we did a CT scan and an MRI and we can't find any signs of a skull fracture or bleeding in her brain."

"But that's good, right?" Josh asked almost holding his breath.

"Yes, that's very good."

"So she's going to be okay?"

"Well, due to the severity of her concussion, we're going to want to keep her here for a few days and she did have a rather large laceration on her forehead that we had to stitch up, but yes, I think she'll be just fine."

He felt something in his chest and his stomach begin to relax. "Is she awake yet?"

"Yes, she woke up briefly in the ER, but she wasn't conscious for long and she was very groggy which is to be expected with her head injury." 

"She fractured a rib last week," Josh put in.

The doctor nodded. "We saw the residual bruising on her chest so we took some x-rays and we didn't see any evidence of further injury to the area."

"When can I see her?"

"They're moving her upstairs right now. She'll be up on the sixth floor in room 1630. But let me warn you, she may not be very talkative for the next day or so. Although we'll be checking her neurological status every few hours, she'll probably be groggy and will most likely sleep a lot. When she is awake she may also seem a bit confused for the next day or so and not have any memory of the accident. That's very common with head injuries."

"Thank you, doctor." Seemed like he'd said that a lot in the last 6 hours. 

A wave of relief went through him as the doctor walked away and he sat down heavily on the padded bench. Donna was going to be okay...he just had to keep repeating that to himself. 

Taking a moment to let that sink in, Josh looked around the ER. He'd forgotten just how much he hated hospitals. The smells. The sounds. The fluorescent lighting. The endless waiting. He tried to think back to when he'd been in a hospital the last time and realized with a little jolt it had been three years ago almost to the day. It had been the night that Donna had brought him to the ER at George Washington to get his hand stitched up. It appeared they had a penchant for spending time in ERs around Christmas. He hoped this was the last time.

"God," he said dragging a hand through his hair. "Tonight feels like it’s lasted about a week."

"Say, Josh, why don't you let us drive you and Hannah home?" Sam volunteered. "It's late and like the doctor said, Donna's probably going to sleep and I would imagine Jake will too."

"I can't Sam," Josh said simply.

"Why not? You know Donna's going to be mad if you get too tired. You and Hannah could get a little sleep and then come back in the morning." Sam looked at his watch and smiled ruefully. "Or you know, since it's technically already morning, you can come back in a few hours."

Josh let out a breath. "Sam, tell me something."

Sam was taken off guard by Josh's simple statement. "Uh, sure."

"When I got shot..." he began. "...how long was Donna at the hospital before she went home for the first time?"

Sam blinked at him. "But Josh...that was a little different. You were in surgery for a long time. We didn't know how things were going to..."

Josh didn't let him finish. "How long, Sam?" he repeated calmly.

"Three days," Sam said quietly. 

Now it was Josh's turn to be taken off guard. "Really? Three days?" 

Josh knew it had been a while, but not that long. God, he owed Donna a lot. She'd always been there for him in every way. By his tally, it was about time he started being there for her.

"Well, then I think that the least I can do for Donna is hang around until she wakes up long enough to know I'm here," Josh looked at Sam. "I need to be here. Can you understand that?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, of course, I can."

"But hey, it's late, you guys should head out of here." Josh paused. "Oh, but before you do though, there's something you guys can do for me."

"Name it," Sam replied.

"I want to go check on Donna and Jake. I figured I'd leave Hannah in Donna's room while I went to see Jake, but I don't want to leave her there alone in case she wakes up. Do you think you could..."

"Of course, we'll stay with her," Sam said. 

"Just until I can run and check on Jake," Josh promised. "He was pretty worried about Donna and I want to make sure he knows what's going on and see how he's doing."

“It’s fine, Josh, really,” Sam assured him. 

"You're sure it's no trouble?" 

"Of course, it's not," Ainsley put in.

"Thanks," he said as they gathered their things. When Josh reached for Hannah, Sam stopped him. "Let me carry her, Josh. Your back is going to be a pretzel other wise."

Josh nodded and watched as Sam carefully scooped her up. Hannah didn't even stir as they walked to the elevators that would take them upstairs.

"I just had a thought," Ainsley said. "Since it's after visiting hours do you think the nurses will let us stay in Donna’s room?”

"I wasn’t planning on asking," Josh replied with a shrug.

“Just what was your plan exactly?” Sam asked as the elevator doors opened and they stepped inside.

“I figured we’d walk in like we own the place," Josh explained pushing the button for the sixth floor. "If we look like we’re supposed to be there and know what we’re doing, they won’t say anything. 

Sam translated. "So what you really mean is you were planning on the three of us sneaking ourselves and a sleeping child into Donna’s room at three in the morning without anyone noticing." 

Josh grinned. “Yeah, pretty much.” There was no way anyone was going to keep him from getting to see Donna.

“Okay, well as long as I know what we’re getting into,” Sam muttered back.

Of course, the elevators opened directly on the nurses station so they didn’t get more than four steps out of it before the head nurse asked if she could help them. Josh wasn't about to be stopped at that point and after a quiet, but sometimes heated discussion, the nurse pointed the way to Donna's room.

As they neared her room, Josh's footsteps became a little more careful, a little more tentative and his heart rate had definitely picked up again. He was nearly breathless with anticipation now that he was going to get to see her without half the freaking world between them.

Like most others in the ward, the door to Donna's room was open. Standing in the doorway, Josh took a second to get his bearings. Sam and Ainsley seemed to understand this and they waited silently behind him.

With the other bed empty and neatly made up, Donna was the only patient in a room designed for two. Given the late hour and the fact that she was still out, the room was quiet and except for a soft light that had been left on over the head of her bed, it was mostly in shadow.

Josh walked to the side of her bed, which was fully reclined so Donna was lying almost completely flat. As he took her hand in his, he thought she looked peaceful, just like that old cliché about looking like she was sleeping. 

Unfortunately, there were a number of things that marred that image. Bruises were blooming on her face, interspersed were tiny cuts dotting her skin like some demented version of the chicken pox. And last, but certainly not least, a slight puffiness around her left eye and cheek that was topped off with a huge white bandage that covered the left side of her forehead.

As much as he hated seeing any mark on her self-proclaimed alabaster skin, Josh thought she was still the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. What’s more, he was grateful that her injuries hadn’t been worse. The soft sound of her breathing and the gentle rhythm of the rise and fall of her chest were the most reassuring things he could have asked for.

Now all she had to do was wake up and smile at him and the iron fist that had taken up residence in his stomach could begin to dissolve.

Hearing a chair scrape, Josh was slightly startled. He’d forgotten about Sam and Ainsley. Looking up, he saw them settling into two chairs in the far corner of the room. He also saw that they’d already placed Hannah on the empty bed and covered her with a blanket. 

"Josh, why don't you go check on Jake," Sam suggested. "We'll stay here with Donna and Hannah."

Josh was having a hard time pulling himself away from her. It seemed like he’d just gotten her back and now he had to leave her. What if something happened while he was gone?

Letting out a breath, Josh carefully laid Donna’s hand back on the bed and nodded. He glanced at Hannah to make sure she was still sleeping peacefully and then, with a concerted and monumental effort, he forced himself to turn and walk out of the room.

Going back to the elevators, he ignored the dirty look that the head nurse shot him as he stepped inside and pressed the button to the fourth floor where the pediatrics ward was located.

Just as they had on Donna's floor, the elevator opened onto a large nurses desk. The decorations here were decidedly different than on Donna's floor. Bright colors, bold numbers and letters, and scenes of happy children and animals covered the walls.

Unlike the regular adult wards, the visitor policy in the children's ward was a little more flexible. Although it was limited to one visitor at a time, a parent or guardian could visit at almost any hour. The only restriction was that after normal visiting hours they had to sign in and show ID to prove their identity. 

Because Josh was listed as next of kin and responsible party on the paperwork filled out by the paramedics at the scene and on the paperwork he himself had filled out in the waiting room he didn't have any trouble getting onto the ward.

After the nurse pointed him in the direction of Jake's room, Josh made his way down the corridor. Jake's room was farther away from the nurses desk than Donna's was so it took him a little longer to find it. 

He was a little surprised to see, that like Donna, Jake had the room to himself. Maybe it was because it was so close to Christmas, but the hospital seemed more empty than he would have expected.

Jake was lying on the bed near the window under a warm-looking but fairly hideous green blanket. His small body looked dwarfed by the huge hospital bed. His arm, newly wrapped in a lime green fiberglass cast, was resting on a pillow beside him. His face was turned toward the window so Josh couldn't tell if he was asleep or not.

Quietly entering the room, Josh opened his mouth to say Jake's name when he heard him sniffle. It was then he noticed that there was a slight shaking in his shoulders and he realized Jake was crying softly.

"Jake?" he said gently.

Hearing his name and instantly recognizing Josh's voice, Jake's head whipped around and he tried to use his good arm to push himself up. Unfortunately, the fact that he had a mild concussion caused the quick motion to all but make his eyes wheel around in his head and he would have tumbled out of bed if Josh hadn't been there. 

Josh rushed forward and caught him. "Hey, hey, easy."

Jake didn't even try to right himself, he just latched onto Josh's waist and let out a little sob.

Josh's heart went out to him. "Hey, it's okay, Jake," he said trying to reassure him. "I'm sorry it took me so long to get here."

"It's okay," Jake mumbled against Josh's shirt.

He rubbed Jake's back until he felt some of the tension in his small arms begin to slip away. "Come on, Jake, why don't you lay down." He helped Jake lie back on the bed and settle his arm back on the pillow.

Jake took a swipe at his nose "Where's Hannah?"

"She was asleep so I left her in Donna's room so she could rest."

"Is Aunt Donna okay?" he said, the worry still clearly evident in his voice.

"The doctor said she's going to be just fine," Josh told him. "I don't know if you remember, but she hit her head." He gave Jake a smile. "But you know, Aunt Donna, she's pretty tough."

Jake looked incredibly sad for a moment, certainly sadder than any eight year old should.

"How are you feeling?" Josh asked him.

Jake half shrugged. "Okay," he said vaguely.

"Your arm and your head don't hurt, do they?"

"No."

"I'm glad you're feeling okay," he said. Pulling up a chair, he sat down. "So why were you crying when I came in?"

"I wasn't crying," Jake said a little defensively, but the fact that he took another swipe at his nose pretty much ruined his argument. "I'm not a baby."

Josh knew there were times when it was good to cry whether your were male or female, young or old. Besides, given that he'd done it himself at least once that night, meant it would be pretty hypocritical of him to tell Jake he couldn't do the same thing.

"Of course you're not a baby, Jake," he said. "I would never think that. It's okay to cry sometimes."

For a moment, it looked like Jake was going to say something, but he remained silent. Josh had the feeling that Jake was avoiding looking at him directly and was instead looking at a point to the right of his shoulder.

"Come on, can't you tell me what's bothering you?" Josh prodded. "After our talk on the bench that night you ran away, can't we be honest with each other?"

Josh got a little alarmed when, apparently going against the 'no crying' policy, tears began to swim in Jake's eyes again. "What is it, Jake?" he said gently. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry, Uncle Josh."

Josh blinked in surprise. "What do you possibly have to be sorry for?"

"It's all my fault," he managed with a little quiver in his voice.

"What is?" Josh asked, completely baffled.

"The accident," Jake said with tears streaming down his face. "It's my fault Aunt Donna got hurt."

"Of course it's not your fault. Why would you think that?"

"Because it's true," he said. "Aunt Donna only wanted to get a tree because of Hannah and me."

"Well, I happen to know that Donna loves Christmas trees too so you weren't the only reason she wanted to get one. And hey, you certainly didn't pick out WHERE to get the tree. Aunt Donna picked the place. Now I'm not saying it's her fault either, because it isn't, but she could have gone to a tree lot right there in D.C. to get one," Josh told him. 

"I know," Jake said. "That's what I mean. She picked the place because of me and Hannah," Jake said. "She was THERE because of me."

Josh could kind of see how Jake's eight year old logic could make that leap and come up with that idea. But he also had to make Jake understand that it was completely wrong and he was completely blameless for the accident.

"It's just like what happened to my parents," Jake blurted before Josh could say anything more.

Blindsided by Jake's comment, Josh blinked at him. Other than the fact that there had been a car accident involved, he didn't see how the two incidents were possibly related.

"What are you talking about?" Jake suddenly looked scared. Dropping his eyes, Jake stared down at his cast silently. "It's okay, Jake. You can tell me," Josh prompted him.

It took a moment, but his eyes lifted to look at Josh. "I can't. You'll hate me."

Another blindsiding moment. "God, Jake, of course I won't," Josh told him. "There's nothing you can tell me that would make me hate you."

"You won't tell Hannah, will you?"

"Not if you don't want me to. It will be just between you and me," Josh said.

Jake visibly swallowed as if he was trying to work up the courage to speak. "It's my fault mom and dad got killed."

Josh frowned deeply. "How on earth was it your fault? You and Hannah weren't even there."

Jake picked at the corner of the blanket for a long moment and his eyes didn't meet Josh's when he spoke. "I asked them to come home early from their trip."

"What are you talking about?" Josh asked.

"They weren't supposed to come back from their trip until the next day," Jake said.

"Go on..." Josh said, still not understanding.

"I had a t-ball game the next day...on Saturday, and at first the coach said I wasn't going to get to play in the game so I told Dad he didn't need to be home to come to the game."

"Okay..." Josh said nodding.

"But then Friday afternoon, Johnny Baker got sick and the coach called and told me I'd be playing after all."

Josh was finally beginning to connect the dots. "So you called your parents and asked your dad if he could come home Friday night so he could be there for your game on Saturday morning?" 

"Yes," he said with renewed tears. "But I never would have done it if I knew that my mom and dad would be in a car wreck."

Josh stood up. "Aw, Jake, come 'ere." He gathered him in a light hug as Jake cried.

"I didn't want them to get killed for my stupid t-ball game," Jake sobbed. "Just like I never meant for Aunt Donna or Hannah to get hurt for a dumb Christmas tree."

Josh rubbed Jake's back for a minute. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jake was going to need to keep seeing his therapist. He'd only had a few sessions, but it was clear the accident last night was only going to compound his earlier issues.

He continued to hug Jake until the worst of the crying had subsided, then he helped him lie back down. Pulling a tissue from the box on the side table, he gave it to Jake.

"I'm sorry for crying so much, Uncle Josh."

"Hey, don't worry about it," Jake told him. "You don't ever have to be sorry about that." Grabbing the chair, he moved it in close to the bed. "Jake, I need you to listen to me very carefully now. Okay?"

"Oh-kay," Jake said as he wiped his nose and face.

"What happened to your parents and what happened to you guys and Donna tonight was NOT your fault."

"But..." Jake started to protest.

"No 'buts,' Jake. Neither of those things was your fault," he said emphatically. "Both things were just a terrible accident and nobody blames you...but you." 

Josh tried to think back to what he'd read about his apparent half-brother Jason's accident.

"From what I remember of your parents' accident, some kids were racing on the freeway and one of them lost control and hit your parents' car. Which means the only people to blame for that accident are the stupid kids who thought it would be fun to do some street racing."

Jake still looked a little dubious, but he also seemed to be listening so Josh went on.

"As for what happened tonight, the only person to blame for that was the man driving the truck that hit you," Josh told him. "The state troopers told me that they think he'd been drinking and that's why he hit your van. It wasn't your fault and it wasn't Donna's fault, just like your parents' accident wasn't their fault and it wasn't YOUR fault. Okay?"

"I guess," Jake said unconvincingly.

Josh could see he wasn't getting through to him, at least not entirely. Sagging back in his chair he searched for another idea. One finally came to him, but he knew it would be a hard thing for him to talk about and he was honestly a little surprised he was willing to do it.

He let out a long breath. "Okay, Jake, how about this. You like stories, right?"

Jake was clearly a little surprised by the turn in the conversation. "Yeah," he said a little cautiously. 

"Good, well, I'm going to tell you one," Josh told him. "It's not exactly a happy story but I think it will help you understand what I'm saying a little better."

"Okay," Jake agreed.

Leaning forward in his chair a bit, Josh began. "There was boy, not much older than you actually and instead of having a 'little' sister like Hannah, he had a 'big' sister."

"How old was she?" Jake said already interested.

"She was about fourteen," Josh told him. "Now see, this boy thought his sister was just amazing. She loved music and she was smart and funny and everyone loved her, including this boy. If anyone were to rate big sisters, this boy thought she would win first prize."

"Didn't they ever fight or argue about stuff like Hannah and I do sometimes?" Jake asked. 

"Sure they did. That's just normal for brothers and sisters," Josh replied. "Especially since this boy liked to follow her around everywhere."

"So what happened to them?"

"I'm just coming to that part. See their parents who were also very good people had to go out to a dinner the dad's company was giving, but they couldn't find a babysitter for that night."

"Couldn't they just take the kids with them?"

"No, it was one of those things that only grown-ups can go to. There would have been nothing for kids to do except get into trouble. So they couldn't take the kids. And the mom and dad couldn't not go because it was a pretty important dinner."

"So what did they do?"

"Well, the sister, being the smart girl she was, pointed out that she'd already done some babysitting for some of the neighborhood kids before and she was fourteen. So she suggested that SHE could baby-sit her and her little brother for the evening. The mom and dad thought about it and decided she was right so they went to the party and left her in charge."

Josh let out a breath as he got to the more difficult part.

"Of course the sister thought this was a great arrangement. She got to boss around the little brother and he didn't mind that because they'd planned to play a couple games and maybe watch a movie. The little brother did make one request though."

"What did he want?" Jake asked.

"He wanted some popcorn." Josh took a breath. "He thought that you couldn't play games or watch a movie without some popcorn. The sister, who also liked popcorn, wanted to keep him happy so he'd tell their parents that she did a good job babysitting so she started to make him some."

Josh was quiet for a long moment, not sure just how he was going to get the next part out. Jake seemed to understand that something big was coming.

"What happened?" Jake asked his voice a little breathy with anticipation.

"No one is exactly sure what happened, but something went wrong with the popcorn maker they were using and it started a fire."

"A fire? What did they do?"

"Well, the girl told her little brother to get outside and she was going to call the fire department and their mom and dad and then she'd come out with him. Since the little brother trusted her, he ran outside and waited for her." 

Trying not to tear up, Josh swallowed hard as the old pain of that night washed through him. He was telling Jake more about that night than he'd ever told anyone, even his various therapists.

"And, uh, he waited and waited, but she never came out," he managed to continue. "He wanted to go back inside and look for her, but um...he was really scared and didn't know what to do."

"Was she okay?" 

"No, Jake, she wasn't," Josh said softly as he swiped at a tear that had trailed down his cheek. "When the firemen finally came, they found Joanie in the kitchen, but they couldn't save her."

Feeling drained and out of words, Josh was quiet for a long moment. He pressed his fingers to his eyes to try and hold back the tears that threatened.

"It's okay to cry, Uncle Josh," Jake said, sending Josh's earlier words back at him.

Taking a breath, Josh managed to smile. "Thanks." 

"Is that a true story, Uncle Josh?" 

"I swear, Jake, it is 100% true."

"Who was that little boy?" Jake asked.

"I was," Josh said quietly. "Joanie was my sister." 

A flash of surprise crossed Jake's face and he was quiet for a very long time as he considered that.

"I'm sorry she died Uncle Josh."

He was immeasurably touched by Jake's simple words. "Thanks, Jake."

Another long silence stretched between them and when Josh did finally speak, his voice was full of emotion. 

"Jake, do you think it was my fault that Joanie died because I wanted some popcorn?"

He looked surprised that Josh would even suggest such a thing. "No, that's stupid. It wasn't your fault."

"And do you think it's my fault she died because I didn't run in and save her?"

"No, you were just a little kid," Jake rationalized. "You couldn't have put out the fire and you probably would have gotten hurt."

Josh realized he'd been a little worried about Jake saying yes that it had been his fault. The affirmation that he didn't think that helped him regain some of his emotional footing.

"You see, Jake, sometimes things...accidents, like the fire that night, like your parents' accident, like the crash tonight...sometimes they just happen and we don't know why," Josh said quietly. "And for you to think that what happened to your parents or what happened tonight was your fault, is just like me thinking it was my fault Joanie died because I wanted popcorn."

Jake stared at him for a moment. "It really wasn't your fault, Uncle Josh."

"I know, Jake, but it took me a long time to figure that out," Josh said quietly. "And even now, my head knows that, but sometimes it's hard for my heart to think the same thing." He let out another breath. "Jake, you and I are kind of alike I think."

"You really think so?" Jake said with a little bit of excitement in his voice as if he was delighted at the prospect.

"Yes, I do. We both have a tendency to try and blame ourselves for things that happen to the people we care about even if it's not our fault." He sighed. "I just hope you're a faster learner than I was. I think going back to see Dr. Evers is going to help with that." Josh said referring to Jake's therapist.

"Okay, I think that's a good idea," Jake said as he yawned hugely. "I like talking to her. She's nice."

"Good, but in the meantime, I want you to promise to think about what I said. It's not your fault."

"I will." Jake yawned again and nodded with eyes that were getting heavy very quickly.

It was becoming pretty obvious that exhaustion was about to take over now that Jake was feeling better about what was going on.

Standing up, Josh reached over and gently brushed some hair back from Jake's forehead. "Now why don't you try to get some rest? I'm going to go check on Donna and Hannah but I'll be back to see you in the morning. The nurse will know where to find me if you need me before then."

"'kay," he said. His words were already getting a little slurred with sleep. "Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?"

"Of course I will," Josh told him quietly. "Now close your eyes."

Jake did as Josh asked and it wasn't five minutes before he was asleep enough to start snoring softly. Leaning in, Josh kissed Jake's forehead. "Sleep well, Jake," he murmured before walking quietly out of the room.

As he walked back through the hospital Josh felt like he'd been through the wringer that night. And yet, he didn't feel like he was coming apart. Even talking about Joanie hadn't sent him into the weird tailspin it often did when he allowed himself to think or talk about it. It all made him wonder if he should worry. Was he suppressing something? Was he not processing what had happened tonight? After considering that for a moment, Josh really didn't think so, but it was something that concerned him. He needed to be here for this new little family of his and having another PTSD episode was not going to be the way to do it.

On the other hand, the fact that he HAD been able to be there for Jake tonight, made him feel pretty good. And maybe in some small way, he might have really helped Jake just now. He hoped so anyway. Maybe with his help and the help of people like Dr. Evers, Jake could avoid some of the pitfalls that Josh himself had fallen into during his life. 

Maybe he had more to offer the kids than he'd once thought. It was an intriguing thought to say the least.

After again ignoring the evil eye shot at him by the nurse as he'd gotten off the elevator, Josh returned to Donna's room to find it pretty much as he'd left it. Hannah was asleep with Bentley tucked under up tight against her, Sam and Ainsley were sitting in the corner talking, and Donna was lying quietly in bed, apparently still unconscious.

"Hey, guys," Josh greeted them quietly as he walked over to where they were sitting. "Anything happen while I was gone?"

"Nope, haven't heard a peep out of Hannah or Donna," Sam reported. "How's Jake?"

"Good," Josh said with a little smile. "I think he's going to be just fine."

"That's great news, I'm glad."

Josh slid off his jacket. "Well, if you guys want to take off, I'm ready to take over."

Sam stood up and gave him a hug. "Hang in there, man. I'm sure she'll wake up as soon as we leave."

"Thanks for everything, Sam. Really," Josh said as he released him and took a step back. "You too, Ainsley."

"You're welcome," she said with a smile.

Josh watched Sam take Ainsley's hand and they walked out into the hall leaving him alone with Donna...well, alone with Donna AND Hannah. Walking over to Donna's bed, Josh followed Sam's example and took Donna's hand in his.

"Well, Donna, Jake's doing okay," he began.

He felt a little silly talking to her when she was unconscious, but he remembered someone, probably Donna, telling him that people, even when they're unconscious or in a coma can still hear someone speaking to them. 

"Actually, you know, he's a pretty great kid." He glanced at Hannah. "They're both great kids." Staring down at her hand in his, he let out a breath. "You know, Donna, I've been doing some thinking...about a lot of things. Things I'd like to talk to you about. So if you could help me out here and wake up pretty soon..." His voice trailed off for a moment. "Then again, from what the doctor said you may not be quite ready for the heavy conversation when you first wake up, but we'll have it just as soon as you're feeling better." He smiled down at her. "In the mean time, I'd settle for you waking up and looking at me with those beautiful blue eyes of yours."

He watched her for any sign of movement...of recognition, but she remained still and quiet.

"Okay, well, whenever you're ready then." Not knowing if it really would be a long wait for Donna or not, Josh used his free hand to pull up a chair and he settled in for the duration. "I'm not going anywhere."

And so he simply sat in the chair and watched her. Or stared at her was probably a more accurate description. Part of him felt like he could pull her back from where she was if he just looked at her long and hard enough, but even through the neurological checks by the nurses, she remained stubbornly quiet.

At some point, still holding her hand, he dozed off for a few minutes. It wasn't long though before he snapped awake again. He wasn't sure what had woken him. Taking a scan of the room, he noted the sun was just beginning to lighten the sky outside but everything else was the same. Hannah was still asleep in the next bed and Donna...

Whoa. No, something was different after all. Donna was awake and looking right at him.

"Hey, there," Josh said softly as he stood up to move closer to her. "You finally decided to join us."

A look of slightly confused recognition crossed her face and she opened her mouth to speak.

"Josh, what are you doing here?" 

**********  
Chapter 22

Josh frowned at her. “What do you mean? Where else would I be?” 

“It’s just that you don’t normally come into my bedroom.”

“Your bedroom?” Josh asked. Now he was baffled AND worried. “Donna, this isn’t your bedroom.” He tried to gentle his voice. “You’re in the hospital.”

Now it was her turn to frown. “The hospital?” Suddenly, she closed her eyes and winced.

“What? What’s wrong?” he said in alarm.

“Being in a hospital would probably explain why my head feels like someone’s taken a sledgehammer to it,” she said as she lifted her hand to her forehead where the biggest part of the throbbing was coming from.

"Careful," he tried to warn her. 

When her fingers contacted the bandage, she hissed. 

“You’ve got a bandage on your forehead,” he tried to explain. “You had a pretty big cut they had to stitch up.” He watched as she touched the bandage a little more gently. “You want me to get the nurse?”

Donna took a breath. “No, it’s okay," she said a little groggily as she closed her eyes to try and will some of the throbbing to go away.

Josh watched her closely to see if she was just trying to be brave or if she really was okay...well, confused but okay. 

Slowly she opened her eyes again. "So what am I doing in the hospital?"

He remembered that the doctor said she might have some memory problems. "You don't remember?" he asked her.

"Remember what?" she said, clearly clueless about what had put her there.

He was suddenly at a loss for exactly how to tell her. "Uh, Donna, there was an accident."

Panic battled with confusion in her eyes. "An accident? What kind of accident?"

Not really wanting to talk about last night's events, Josh swallowed hard. "Your van was broadsided by a pick up truck last night."

"It was?" she said in sleepy confusion as her hand brushed gingerly over her bandage. "I don't remember."

"What's the last thing you remember?"

Thinking was clearly a challenge for her. "Um...the Christmas tree farm." Valiantly, she tried to pull the memories up. "Leaving the tree farm with the kids and...the kids! Where are the kids!"

Automatically, she tried to sit up. Her head had only gotten about a foot off the pillow before she froze and the color leached out of her face.

“Easy, easy,” he said, helping to ease her back onto the bed. “The kids are fine, but you’ve got a pretty serious concussion.”

Her eyes slid closed. “Maybe calling the nurse is a good idea after all,” she murmured.

“I got it,“ he said as he pushed the call button.

He didn’t know if further conversation was going to tire her or make her head hurt more, so he let her take the lead. Her eyes were still closed but from the way she was continuing to touch her forehead, he figured she was still awake.

“You said the kids were okay?” she said in a much quieter voice.

“Yes, Hannah's right here, asleep on the next bed, and Jake is in his room in pediatrics.”

She let out a breath, but continued to keep her eyes closed. “That’s good. When you said there was an accident I...wait...” Now she did force her eyes open. “What do you mean he’s in pediatrics?”

Josh mentally winced, he hadn’t meant it to come out quite that way and was hoping she’d missed it. “It’s nothing, he’s fine.”

“Then why is he in the hospital?”

“It was just for observation. They’re discharging him today,” he told her. But apparently that didn’t placate her very much because even with her concussion, she managed to give him a disbelieving look. “Okay, I’ll tell you but you have to promise not to get upset.”

“I’m upset now,” she pointed out tiredly. “Just tell me.”

Josh let out a breath. “He broke his arm in the crash, but the doctor said it was a clean break and he just needs a cast for a few weeks.”

“And that’s all?”

“Well, he also has a concussion...a MILD one,” he said as he saw her getting worked up. “It’s not nearly as bad as yours. I saw him last night and he’s fine.”

“I want to see him,” Donna told him.

“Okay, like I said they’re going to discharge him today so as soon as they do I’ll bring him to see you. I know he wants to see you too.”

Before he had a chance to say anything else, the nurse arrived. “Good, I see you’re awake. How are you feeling?” she said cheerily.

Donna had closed her eyes again and was rubbing the side of her head. “Like someone’s been using my head for a soccer ball." 

“With a concussion that sounds about right,” the nurse agreed. 

“Can you give me something for it?"

“Just Tylenol,” the nurse said. “With your head injury I can’t give you anything stronger.”

“I’ll take anything at this point,” Donna said.

“Okay, let me just check you over and I’ll get you some.”

“Can he stay while you do?” Donna asked.

“Sure,” the nurse said with a smile as she raised the head on Donna's bed and began taking Donna’s blood pressure and other vital signs. 

It pleased Josh to no end that Donna wanted him there. He watched and waited at the foot of her bed as the nurse finished checking her over, asked her a number of questions to gauge her mental clarity, and then got her the Tylenol.

After Donna had taken the Tylenol and as the nurse was leaving, Josh noticed that Donna's eyes had gotten heavy again. He figured it wouldn't be long now before she went back to sleep.

"Are we in D.C.?" she murmured.

"No, we're at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore," he told her.

“Baltimore?" she asked like a sleepy and slightly confused child. "Why aren’t we in D.C.?”

“The accident happened here in Maryland so they brought you and Jake here. It was closer,” he explained.

"Okay," Donna replied agreeably. Her eyes were almost closed now. "But the kids are okay, right?"

"Yes, they're fine," he said lowering the head of the bed for her again so she'd be more comfortable. "Now stop worrying and get some sleep."

As if following his command, her eyes finally slid closed. "Josh?" she whispered as sleep began to drag her under.

He brushed a little bit of hair back from her face. "Yeah?"

It came out as a sigh more than anything else. "I'm glad you're here."

He smiled down at her, his heart lighter than it had been in days. "Me too."

**********  
"Jake? You want me to carry those for you?" Josh asked him as they stepped out of the elevator onto Donna's floor later that day.

"No, I got it."

Josh smiled at him then looked down at Hannah. "How about you? You need help carrying your new friend?" Hannah grinned and shook her head.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop asking," he teased as they walked down the corridor. "All right, when we get there I need you to be quiet until we see if Donna's awake or not."

"We will," Jake promised.

The three of them arrived at Donna's room and peered inside the open doorway. Josh was a little surprised to see that Donna was awake and watching TV. 

A somewhat tired and disgruntled look on her face slid away when she noticed them in the doorway. "Hey, guys," she said with a tired smile.

Her eyes touched on each of the kids, but they lingered for the longest on Josh. In them, Josh saw relief and just the hint of something he couldn't quite name, but it sent an odd warmth through his chest.

Hannah ran over and propped her elbows on the bed. "Hi, Aunt Donna." 

Donna ran a hand over Hannah's golden hair. "Hi, Pixie."

"I brought you someone so you wouldn't be lonesome," she whispered as she held out her new 'friend.'

Donna looked down at the small teddy bear she held out. It looked like a smaller version of Hannah's bear, Bentley. "Thank you, Pixie," she said around the lump in her throat. "Does he have a name?" 

"Bentley, junior," Hannah said matter-of-factly.

Despite her tiredness and headache, Donna couldn't help but smile. "Of course it is, how silly of me not to know that." Cradling the small bear close to her heart, she looked up at Jake who was standing just behind Hannah looking a little unsure. "Hi, Jake, what beautiful flowers."

Almost as if he'd forgotten he was holding them, his gazed jerked down to the small flower arrangement in his hands and then back up to her. "They're for you," he said trying to hold them out. With his broken arm it was hard to lift even the small weight of the flowers without it hurting and he bobbled them a little. 

"Hey, Jake, why don't we put those up on her table so she can see them?" Josh suggested.

"'kay," Jake agreed as he let Josh take it from his him. 

Donna watched as Josh set the flowers on the bed table, then looked back at Jake "Thanks for bringing me such beautiful flowers, Jake," she said. Her gaze shifted down to his cast. "How's your arm?"

Jake gave a little shrug. "It hurts a little, but it's okay. Do you like the color?" he asked. "They let me pick it out myself."

"Nice choice. It reminds me of a lemon-lime popsicle," she said with a smile. "When we both get out of here, you'll have to let me sign it."

"'kay." He fidgeted a little. "Are you okay?" he blurted suddenly.

Donna's gaze flicked up to Josh, then back to Jake. "Yes, Jake. I'm going to be fine," she assured him. "Why don't you guys sit down?"

Following her suggestion, Josh lifted the kids up and deposited them on the foot of Donna's bed. "We thought maybe you'd still be asleep," Josh said as he pulled up a chair and sat down.

The tired and disgruntled look came back into her face. "I was, but the nurse came in to check me over." She managed a little pout. "I thought a hospital was a place to get some rest."

Josh couldn't help but grin. "Yeah, they just let you think that. Once you're here they come in every couple of hours to check on you or take a sample of one bodily fluid or another. It makes it pretty tough to sleep. You’re lucky if you can get in some good cat naps."

"You got that right," she said with a tired sigh.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she said evenly.

Josh stared at her, his expression questioning. "Is your headache better?"

Giving the kids a little smile, she flicked her glance back to Josh. "It's okay."

In her gaze, he saw a silent message to drop it and Josh figured she probably didn't want to worry the kids. What worried him was the fact that if her headache really was better she probably wouldn't have had that reaction. He'd drop it for now, but he made a mental note to try and talk to the nurse or doctor. He knew that a headache was to be expected after a concussion, but he didn't like the idea of her being in constant or excessive pain.

"I haven't seen the doctor yet," Donna said clearly moving on. "Did he tell you how long I'd have to be here?"

"Well, I don't know if you still have the same doctor or not, but the ER doctor I talked to last night said she thought your concussion was serious enough they'd keep you for a few days," he told her. "I'm guessing it'll be tomorrow or the day after."

"That long?" she said. "I'm going to go stir crazy by then."

"I'm sure a lot of it will depend on how you're feeling," Josh said. He hadn't meant to circle back around to the subject of how she was feeling, but they'd wound up there nonetheless.

Clearly, Donna wasn't going to let them stay there though. "So what have you guys been doing today?" she asked the kids.

"Unca Josh got me pancakes for breakfast," Hannah whispered loudly. "But they weren't as good as yours."

"She and I had breakfast in the hospital cafeteria," Josh explained. "Then we went to see Jake and while we were there, his doctor came by and signed his discharge papers. Of course, actually GETTING him discharged wasn't quite so easy."

"Why?" 

"There was a certain amount of red-tape using the health insurance the ACS gave us for the kids. It's New York state insurance and using it in Maryland took some explaining and some calls back and forth to the ACS," he replied. “It didn’t help that it’s the weekend and finding someone to even call was a challenge."

"Oh, right, I didn't think about that," Donna said.

Josh had the impression that all the details were taxing her, so he moved on. "By the time we were done, it was lunch time and so the three of us went back to the cafeteria and had lunch." He smiled. "We also made a stop at the gift shop so they could get you something."

"That was really sweet of you guys," she told them.

"It was all their idea," Josh said.

"Speaking of lunch, did YOU get something to eat?" Josh asked her.

She made a little face. "If you can call what they brought me food. It was basically broth and crackers."

"Ah, yes, hospital culinary delights. I remember them well," he said.

"Jake, did you get any sleep last night?" Donna asked him as she saw him yawn hugely.

"A little," Jake admitted. "The nurses kept waking me up too."

Sending Jake an understanding smile, she looked over at Josh. "Actually you all look like you could use some sleep." 

"Yeah, that was next on our list, but the kids wanted to see you first..." he paused. "...and I wanted to check on you."

Her eyes brightened for a moment and another wave of warmth went through his chest.

"I'm glad you did," she said and Josh felt like she was saying it more to him than the kids. "Are you going to be okay to drive all the way back to DC?" she asked.

"I thought I'd just get us a hotel here in Baltimore. There's a couple of them right near the hospital."

Donna stared at him with concern and confusion in her eyes. "Why were you going to do that?"

"I just figured it would make it easier to visit you while you're here," he said.

"I appreciate the thought Josh, but you know you and the kids are going to sleep better in your own beds," she pointed out. "You should get a cab or something and just take them home."

Oddly, Josh felt a little hurt that she wasn't begging him to stay. "I just thought...I mean I assumed that you’d want us here."

"Josh..." Her eyes softened and taking his hand in hers, she gave it a squeeze. "Of course I want you here. I didn't mean that. It's just that the kids are tired and you've got bags under your eyes big enough to drive a truck through so I know you're tired. A hotel isn't going to help any of you get more sleep."

Okay, she was making a certain amount of sense. "I guess," he said.

"Besides, I'm tired too and I'll probably sleep a lot...okay, I'm going to TRY and sleep as much as the nurses will let me," she amended. "In any case, I'm not going to be much company anyway." She looked at him for a long moment, then gave his hand another squeeze. "I'm okay, Josh," she said softly.

Josh was torn between worrying about her and having to admit that she was right. If the kids weren't involved, he would have probably ignored the fact that she was right and stayed anyway. But the kids were involved, so he had to take their welfare into consideration too.

Giving her hand a gentle squeeze, he let out a long sigh. "Well, tomorrow is Monday and the doctor said that Jake will be okay to go back to school."

"See," she said. "The kids will need to go to school and you'll need to go to back to work."

"I suppose you have a point," he said.

"But we want to stay with you," Hannah said with a little pout.

"Aw, Pixie, you're so sweet. I love that you want to stay with me, but a hospital is no place for you guys." She smiled. "Besides, they're going to let me out of here in a couple days. I'll be home before you know it."

"But what if you get lonesome?" she asked.

"I won't get lonesome," Donna replied. "I've got Bentley Jr. to keep me company, remember?" That must have satisfied Hannah, because she smiled. 

Donna looked back at Josh and he knew that he'd lost this round. He didn't like the idea of leaving her, but he met her gaze levelly. "You sure?" he asked quietly.

She stared back at him and when she spoke, her words seemed more confident than the look in her eyes. "I'll be fine." Then she smiled. "Just don't forget to come pick me up when they finally do spring me."

Giving her hand a squeeze, Josh couldn't help but smile back. He planned to be back many times before they discharged her. "Somehow I don't think that will be a problem." Dropping her hand, he let out a breath and stood up. "Well, guys, I guess we'd better get going," he said as he lifted the kids off the bed. 

"Have a safe trip back to DC," she told him.

"We will. Leo's car and driver are still here so they can take us home," he replied.

"Good." She turned her attention to the kids. "You guys be good for Uncle Josh." 

"We will," Jake promised.

Josh took Hannah by the hand. "Call me if you need anything...anything at all."

"I will, I promise."

Unable to think of another reason to stay in her room any longer without it looking strange, Josh nodded. Then the three of them said their goodbyes and reluctantly, he led the kids out.

********  
"Nice of you to join us," Toby said as Josh came trotting into Leo's office for staff the following morning.

Josh glanced at his watch. "I'm only five minutes late," he defended. "I had to take the kids to school."

"Is that why you look like you just crawled out of bed?" CJ teased.

Dropping down on Leo's couch next to Sam, Josh dragged a hand through his still damp hair and buttoned the top two buttons of his shirt. "Sorry, getting the kids ready took longer than I expected."

"How are they doing, anyway?" Leo asked.

"They're fine," Josh said tying his tie. "They'd rather go see Donna in the hospital than go to school, but they went anyway."

"Do you know yet when they're going to let her out?" CJ asked him. 

"Let her out?" he asked her with a teasing grin. "It's the hospital, CJ, not prison or an insane asylum."

"You know what I mean, funny man," she shot back.

"I don't know," he replied. "I'm hoping to find out today."

"Good, now that we've gotten that out of the way," Leo said. "Let's get down to business. Sam...Toby, how's the State of the Union coming?"

"I could write better if Toby would stop hovering over me for longer than five minutes at a stretch," Sam commented.

"He's overreacting," Toby said with a shrug. 

"Not by much, I'm not," Sam muttered.

"I let you sleep last night, didn't I?" Toby replied.

"Only because I turned the phone off and wore earplugs," Sam shot back.

"Maybe if you put more time into writing and less into your social life you wouldn't have so much trouble."

Even though no one made an actual sound, a palatable flash of tension went through the room. Beside him, Josh could almost feel the anger coming off Sam.

"Just because I've managed to have a personal life and you don't..." Sam growled.

"Enough!" Leo snapped. "Geez, do I need to separate you two?"

It was common knowledge that ever since the president had allowed Toby to craft the message of the State of the Union, he'd done a phenomenal job. On the downside, it had sent his perfectionism into overdrive and put a mild strain on his relationship with Sam. 

Toby appeared to ignore Sam's comment and looked squarely at Leo. "The speech is fine. We're on message and the writing is on schedule. I think it may even be done early."

Leo nodded. "Good. Are you thinking about doing early poll testing on the language?"

"Yeah," Toby replied. "While I think the language is fine, it wouldn't hurt to get some feedback in case we need to do any final polishing."

"All right, contact Joey Lucas and see if she'd be available to help with that," Leo suggested. "Josh, how are things going with the education bill?"

"Good, the language is coming together and I've got another meeting with McMasters after he gets back from the Christmas break."

Leo nodded in approval. "CJ, anything from the press corps?"

"No, things are pretty quiet," she said. "With Christmas a week away, and the president leaving for Manchester tomorrow, they're wrapped in a blanket of holiday cheer." 

"Well, then maybe Christmas came early," Leo remarked as he pulled off his glasses. "Okay, one new item of business. In addition, to the education bill, the president wants us to start putting out feelers with congress for a new European trade agreement."

CJ made some notes. "Is he going to present it at the trade summit in Brussels next spring?"

"Yeah and he wants us to see how much support we have for it in Congress before he announces his intentions." Leo shifted his gaze to Josh. "I'd like you to go to the Hill today and tomorrow and talk to anyone, Democrats or Republicans, that haven't left for the holidays yet. Take their temperature about a trade agreement. Find out what they'll support, what they won't and what provisions they're going to ask for. You know the drill. Now then..."

"Um, Leo?"

"What?" he said a little aggravated at being interrupted.

"Could you possibly have someone else cover that for me?"

"And just whom would you recommend?" he said sarcastically. 

"Well, what about Angela?"

A stunned silence went through the room. Everyone, including Angela Blake who was sitting in a chair by Leo's desk, looked like Josh had grown a second and perhaps a third head. Ever since Leo had felt it necessary to bring in Angela after the thing with Carrick, it was no secret that Josh was not happy about her being there. To have him now hand her such a plum assignment was pretty stunning.

Leaning forward, CJ pressed a hand to Josh's forehead. "What?!" he said recoiling.

"Just checking to see if you have a fever," she told him.

"No, I don't have a fever!" he exclaimed. "With Donna in the hospital, I've just got a lot of things to do for her and the kids in the next couple days. If I try to do that and the thing for the trade agreement, I'll end up doing a half-assed job on both of them."

Everyone still seemed to have a hard time processing the fact that Josh was choosing a personal issue over a professional or political one.

Although he had an odd look on his face, Leo was the first to recover. "Fine, Angela, can you cover this?"

"Sure, of course," she said a little cautiously, as if she expected Josh to change his mind any second.

"Okay, is there anything else?" Leo asked. "No? Good, then that's all I've got for you this morning, so get to work."

Josh half expected Leo to ask him to stay behind to explain himself, but as they all rose, it was Sam that stopped him instead.

"You got a second, Josh?" he said as they stepped out into the hallway.

"Sure, what'cha need?" 

"Actually there's something I want to show you," Sam replied. "Could you come to my office?"

Josh had no idea what Sam could possibly want to show him. "Uh, sure."

"So how are things really going?" Sam asked him as they walked over to his office.

Josh sighed. "A little crazy," he admitted. "I wasn't kidding when I said the kids didn't want to go to school. With Donna in the hospital, I think they're having some separation anxiety, but we talked and I think it's going to be okay. Plus, their Christmas break starts Wednesday so it's a short week for them anyway."

"How are Jake and Donna feeling?"

"Jake seems okay. His arm hurts a little but Children's Tylenol seems to take care of it," he told Sam. "When the kids and I saw Donna yesterday, she still had a headache, but was more alert. I haven't talked to her today." 

Sam frowned in surprise. "You haven't?"

"No, I didn't want to risk waking her up, but I'm going over there this morning to see her in person," Josh replied.

That seemed to erase all of Sam's surprise, as if Josh had finally said the right thing. They reached Sam's office door, which was pulled shut and the blinds were drawn in the windows.

"Did you guys have that talk yet?" Sam asked quietly as they paused at the door.

"No, I was waiting until she was more rested and mentally alert. According to the doctors she took a pretty hard hit to the head."

Sam nodded. "Just don't wait too long," he advised. "The two of you seem to excel at not saying things that need to be said."

"I won't," Josh promised. "If she's feeling up to it, I plan on having it with her today. I probably would have done it yesterday but the kids were there."

He grinned. "Yeah, I suppose that talk wouldn't exactly be one you'd want to have with them around."

"You can say that again," Josh said. "Hey, by the way, Toby was out of line this morning, but don't let it get to you. You know how he is when it comes to the state of the union."

"Yeah, I know," Sam conceded. "I just wish he wouldn't take shots about me and Ainsley."

Josh couldn't help but grin. "You’re really stuck on her, aren’t you?"

"I know we've only been dating a little while, but I think this thing with her could really go somewhere, Josh."

"Then, I'm happy for you," he said clapping him on the back. "So...what did you want to show me?"

Sam got an excited, but slightly unsure look in his eye. "I did something and I'm not sure if I should have. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I don't know how you and Donna and the kids are going to feel about it. I mean, I can undo it if..."

"Sam, Sam...take a breath," Josh interrupted him. "Just show me."

Sam nodded and opened the door. Immediately, Josh knew what he'd done. "Is that...?" 

"Yeah, it really wasn't damaged in the crash and I had the state trooper send it over here," Sam explained. "I thought maybe you guys would want it."

Walking forward, Josh was enveloped by the smell of pine. Lifting his hand, he brushed it over the Christmas tree Donna and the kids had picked out the night of the accident. It was leaning up in a corner of Sam's office, still wrapped in the protective netting they'd put on at the tree farm and the base was resting in a large bucket of water.

Josh was touched by what Sam had done and he assumed that Donna and the kids would want the tree. Then again, he could also see why it might remind them of the accident. 

"Thanks for going to all this trouble, Sam. I didn't even think about the tree," Josh told him. "I'll have to talk to Donna and let you know what we want to do with it."

"It was no trouble," Sam said. "I'll leave it here until you decide."

Josh stared at the tree for a few moments longer then he turned to Sam. "You know, Sam, if I haven't said it already, thanks for everything you've done in the last couple days. I don't know what I would have done without your help."

"It was nothing, that's what friends are for," Sam said with a shrug. "Speaking of which, is there anything else you need?"

"No, we're good...." Josh paused. "Wait, okay, there is something. I need someone to do some research for me. I don’t have time to do it and normally I would ask Donna to do it, but it's something for Donna so I can't." He grimaced a little. "Oh, and I need the information by late this afternoon so I can take care of it tonight or first thing in the morning."

"Oh-kay," Sam said baffled as to just what he was agreeing to. "Just don't tell Toby that I'm working on something besides the state of the union."

"My lips are sealed," Josh promised. "Now here's what I need..." 

**********  
"Hey, You look like you're feeling better," he told Donna as he found her sitting up in bed watching TV.

Turning to look at him, she managed a tired, but genuine smile. "Well, I wouldn't go that far," she said. “They still won’t let me sleep.”

He walked over to her bed. “I promise, you can sleep all you want once you get home,” he told her before he got a little more serious. “How’s your headache?”

Donna shrugged. "It's bearable."

That wasn't quite the answer he was hoping for. "Did you ask the doctor about it?"

"Yeah, when he was here this morning. He said it was normal to have headaches after a concussion like mine," she said. "In fact, he said that I might have them on and off for the next couple weeks."

"Did he happen to say when he might release you?"

"If all goes well, he said it would be tomorrow."

"That's great news," Josh said with a smile. 

"Yeah, I thought so too, I'm getting a little stir crazy in here," she admitted. "By the way, thank you for the roses." 

Josh glanced at the large vase containing two dozen long stemmed roses of various colors that was sitting on the side table. "I'm glad they got here okay."

"They were delivered earlier today," she told him. "They're gorgeous."

He couldn't help but give her a slightly shy smile. "Well, I couldn't let Jake outdo me, now could I?"

"Speaking of Jake, how are the kids?"

He pulled up a chair and sat down. "They're okay. Jake's arm still hurts a bit and they miss you. In fact they wanted to come with me this morning, but I managed to get them to go to school." He grinned. "Hannah complained that I didn't do her ponytail as well as you and that I should have brought her with me so you could do it properly. Luckily, I managed to convince her that while mine wasn’t perfect, it would do the job."

"I miss them too," she told him. "Say, I know my brain has been a little scrambled the last couple days, but when did Hannah start talking so much? I mean I know she was still kind of whispering when she was here yesterday, but it wasn't like before. For one thing, she was talking to you."

"No, you're right, she is talking to me now too," Josh confirmed.

"When did that happen?"

"The night of the accident." For some reason, he hesitated to tell her that it had all started because Hannah had called him from the accident scene. "I think with you and Jake out of commission she needed someone to hang onto and I was there." 

"Sounds like you two bonded."

"Yeah, I guess we did. She's a good kid."

"How do you think they're handling the accident?" 

“I think Hannah’s handling it okay. We’ll have to watch and see if she’ll need some therapy eventually or not.” Letting out a breath, he leaned back in the chair. “Unfortunately, Jake’s having a little more trouble with it.”

“What do you mean?”

“He has some issues. We had a talk the night the accident happened and he told me he thought it was his fault you got hurt.”

Ignoring the little ripple of pain it sent through the stitched up cut on her forehead, she frowned. “Why on earth would he think that?”

“His reasoning was that you only went to get the tree because of him and Hannah.”

“But Josh, that doesn’t make it his fault.”

“I know and I told him that,” Josh agreed. “The thing is, under normal circumstances I don’t think it would have occurred to him in the first place.” He stared down at his hands for a moment. “But in talking to him I also found out that he blames himself for what happened to his mother and father.”

“But that doesn’t even make sense,” she said. “He wasn’t even there. How could he think it was his fault?”

“Apparently, Jason and his wife, were away on vacation and Jake found out he was going to get to play in a t-ball game so he asked them to come home a day early. They were killed on the way home,” Josh explained. 

“So he thinks it’s his fault because if he hadn’t asked them to come home early they wouldn’t have been in an accident?” Donna finished.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much it and I think those feelings make him extra sensitive to what happened to you guys.”

Donna looked a little sad for a moment. “So much guilt for a little boy to carry around,” she said as she toyed with the edge of her blanket.

"I think the talk I had with him helped, but I'm guessing we should keep him in therapy for the time being."

Donna didn't answer her, but continued to stare at her hands as she worried the edge of the blanket.

"Donna?" he prompted..

"Hmmm?" she said shaking herself.

"Where'd you go just then?"

She stared at him for a long moment, her face clearly saying she didn't quite know how to say what she had to say. Her voice was quiet and a sounded a little pained when she lifted her eyes to his and finally spoke.

"Was the accident MY fault, Josh?"

His heart went out to her. "No, Donna, it wasn't," he said without hesitation.

"You wouldn't just say that would you?"

Seeing that her hand was still toying with the blanket, he reached out and laid his hand over hers to stop it.

"It...wasn't...your...fault," he told her with quiet firmness. "I talked to one of the state troopers and he said that the man that hit you was drunk. Not only that but he had a long history of DUIs and was driving with a suspended license."

"I wish I could remember. I've laid here and tried over and over again to remember, but I just can't. I mean what if I could have done something different? What if I was distracted or wasn't paying attention?" she said through threatening tears. 

"Donna, the trooper said the man ran a stop sign. There was nothing you could have done," he said trying to get through to her. "They totally absolved you of any blame in the accident."

She rubbed at her eyes and tried to will the tears away. But when she looked up at him, he could see she hadn't been very successful. "What happened to the people in the other car?" 

"Um, it was a small pick-up truck and the driver was the only one in it." Josh hated to tell her the rest, but he knew she deserved to know and she'd find out anyway. He thought it might be best if it came from him. "I'm sorry, Donna, he didn't make it."

"He died?" she said in a tormented whisper. By then the tears were beyond stopping and she pulled her hands away from him and buried her face in them. "Oh, God."

Standing up, Josh tried to be mindful of her forehead and he pulled her into careful hug. 

"Hey, it's not your fault," he told her. "It was his. As soon as he got behind the wheel when he'd been drinking it became his fault." He held her for a moment. "You need to let it go. That's an awful lot of undeserved guilt you're trying to shoulder," he said echoing her earlier words about Jake.

"I know," she said wetly as she pulled away and laid back against her pillow. "In my head, I know you're right, but in my heart I can’t help but feel terrible that he died."

"I'd be worried if you didn't feel that way," he said handing her a tissue from the box on the bed table. "But that still doesn't mean you should lose sight of the fact that it wasn't your fault."

Knowing her the way he did, he knew she needed a moment to internalize what he'd told her. So rather than trying to press the point further, he remained quiet while she blew her nose and collected herself. 

"So I guess it's a safe bet that the car is totaled," she said trying to joke. Of course, the stuffy nose and slightly red-rimmed eyes pretty much ruined any chance for levity.

"Yeah, it's definitely totaled," he replied. "But, hey, between my car insurance and the extra insurance you got when you rented it, we're totally covered."

"I guess that's good anyway," she said wiping at her eyes.

Although he wasn't sure exactly how she'd take it, he tried to put an added positive spin on things. "There was one other tiny silver lining."

"What's that?" she said wiping her nose.

"Sam saved the Christmas tree you guys bought."

"He did?" she said in surprise. "I hadn’t even thought about the tree. That's great. Wait, but how?"

"Well, he saw that the tree wasn't really damaged in the accident so I think he talked to one of the troopers to have them save it before they towed the car."

Donna blinked at him as if she was trying to process something that just wasn't adding up in her head. "Before they towed the car?"

Josh immediately realized his mistake. "Ah, well..." he fumbled.

"Were you at the crash?" she asked.

Although he’d avoided telling her about it earlier, he saw very little reason to keep it from her now. “Yeah,” he admitted.

“Why...how?” she asked.

He sat down heavily in the chair. “Hannah called me.”

Another look of complete bafflement flickered over her face. “Called you? What do you mean she called you?”

“From the car,” he tried to explain. “Somehow she managed to get out of her booster seat and she found your cell phone and called my cell phone.” He gave her a little smile. “By the way, Hannah made me promise not to tell you she got out of her booster seat. She didn’t want you to be mad.”

“I’m not mad,” she promised a bit absently as her mind was trying to think through what he’d said. “I just don’t understand how she called you. She’s never used my cell phone and even though she knows some of her numbers, I know she doesn’t know your phone number. Unless....” her voice trailed off.

Josh could see an idea was forming in her head. “What?”

“I did show Jake how to use the speed dial on my cell phone a couple times so he could call you. That only takes two buttons,” she explained. “Hannah’s smart to begin with. She must have been paying closer attention than I thought. I don’t know how else to explain it.”

“Well, no matter how she did it, she was a little hero in my book,” Josh declared. “She called me and we were able to use your phone signal to locate you. It made it possible for fire and rescue to get there a lot faster than they would otherwise.”

“And you came too?” 

“Where else would I be?” he answered quietly. “You needed me. I had to be there.”

That hung in the air between them for a long moment.

Her eyes suspiciously brighter, Donna visibly swallowed around a lump in her throat. “Had they already gotten us out of the car before you got there?” 

“No, Sam and I got there only a couple of minutes after fire and rescue and the state troopers did, we had to wait for them to get you out.” 

“Given how patient you are at waiting for things, I’m sure that was easy for you,” she commented.

“Let’s just say that it was a good thing Sam was there or I probably would have spent the night in jail.”

Donna looked a little alarmed. “Jail?” 

“No, no,” he said trying to reassure her. “It was just a misunderstanding between me and a state trooper. He threatened to lock me in the back of his patrol car if I didn’t calm down.” He stared at his hands. “It was a...very long night.”

Another pregnant silence stretched between them.

“Since I can’t remember it, do you think you could tell me a little more about the accident?” she asked gently. 

In hindsight, now that everyone was okay, it wasn’t as hard to talk about as he’d expected. He looked up at her. “What do want to know?”

“Anything,” she prompted. “Where did the truck hit us?”

“On the passenger side, just in front of where Jake was sitting,” he said. “It pretty much destroyed the front passenger seat and the front end of the van. They wouldn’t let me too close so I didn’t see all the details, but I heard one of the firemen say Jake’s arm was pinned. Which is probably why it was broken. They got Hannah out first and she was fine. They got you out pretty quickly too, but you were out cold. They got Jake out last. I’m assuming it took longer to get him out because of his arm being pinned.” He smiled a little. “He was groggy but awake when they got him out. You should know that the first thing he wanted to know was if you were okay.”

She smiled. “He really is a very sweet kid.”

“Yeah, he was pretty worried about you.” He stared down at his hands again. “We were all pretty worried.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that, Josh,” she said softly.

Maybe that was why he’d initially hesitated to tell her he’d been there. He hadn’t wanted her to waste her energy worrying about how the accident might have affected him when she should be worrying about getting better herself.

He laughed a little harshly as he stood up and paced to the end of the bed. “You have nothing to be sorry for Donna. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

“Why?”

He paced in the small space at the foot of her bed. “Because I should have gone to the Christmas tree farm with you guys. I shouldn’t have let you go alone...I should have been there.”

“Josh...” she said quietly. “I’m glad you feel that way, but in hindsight, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t glad you weren’t there.”

Well, that wasn’t the answer he’d been expecting. “Why do you say that?” 

“Because one of the two of us probably wouldn’t be here to have this conversation,” she pointed out. “You told me the front passenger seat was pretty much destroyed. If we’d both gone, one of us would have been sitting in that seat. Probably me.”

The truth of her statement flooded through him. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he leaned up against the wall at the foot of her bed and stared at the floor. All this time, he’d been kicking himself for letting her go alone, but she’d just cut the legs out from under that idea.

“Josh, look at me."

His eyes snapped up to hers.

“You were there when it counted, Josh,” she said. “When it mattered, you were there.” 

Her words touched something small and cold that had been lurking in his chest since the accident and he had an almost physical sensation of something melting, spreading and settling back into place as she continued.

“Besides, with the way I was acting last week, I didn’t make coming along with us all that inviting for you,” she conceded.

Remaining silent, he watched her for a long moment. He knew the time had arrived for the ‘talk’ they’d managed to put off for much too long. After everything that had just been said, and in the scheme of what had happened in the last couple days, he wasn’t nearly as nervous about it as he once had been. 

Slowly, he pushed away from the wall and walked toward her bed. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask you about that,” he said. “I need you to tell me what I did to make you so angry at me.”

She let out a long sigh that told him he wasn’t the only one who was ready to talk. “I’m beginning to think you didn’t do anything and I overreacted,” she admitted.

With a confused frown, he sat back down in the chair. “Well, at least tell me what you think you were overreacting to," he pleaded. "It seemed like everything I did to try and help only made it worse and I don't want to go back to arguments, angry silences, and us avoiding each other.”

"I don't want to go back to that either," she said.

"Then tell me what's been bothering you."

She waited a few beats before answering. "I felt threatened by all the time you were spending with the kids."

"But why would that make you feel threatened?" he said. "I was only trying to help. I thought you were starting to resent them...and me for taking up so much of your time and energy so I was trying to give you more space."

"Where did you get the idea that I resented you or the kids and I wanted more time to myself?"

He grimaced a little. "From CJ. That Sunday morning after you left so abruptly, she called and I mentioned that you seemed upset. She thought maybe you were feeling put upon because between me and the kids you didn't have time for a life."

He waited for an explosion or more questions, but they didn't come. Instead, Donna's eyes narrowed slightly and he had the distinct impression that she wasn't the least bit surprised at anything he'd just said.

"Josh..." she began. "Promise me, something."

He blinked in surprise. "Uh, sure."

"I know she's smart and accomplished and whatever...but don't take relationship advice from CJ anymore, okay? At least not where the kids and I are concerned."

Still baffled, he nodded anyway. "Okay, but...is there something going on between you and CJ that I should know about?" he asked.

Donna appeared to consider that for a moment. "No..." she said carefully.

He didn't believe her for one second. "Donna..."

"It's nothing, Josh," she said. "Just a difference of opinion. In any case, she was wrong."

"So you don't want more time for a life of your own?"

"No, Josh, actually, believe it or not, I like my life with you and the kids," she replied.

"But that's not the way it looked to me, at least not that Sunday when things seemed to get weird," he pointed out. "You made pancakes and I think we had a sort of non-fight or something and right before you left, I had the impression you were upset with me."

"I was upset," she admitted. "Because I thought you were shopping around for my replacement."

Josh was so stunned it took him a moment to formulate a coherent response. "Where the hell did you get that idea?"

Donna took a little breath. "From Amy."

"Amy? As in Amy Gardner, Amy?"

"The one and only," Donna muttered.

Oh, God this couldn’t be good. "What does she have to do with this?"

"Do you remember when I told you she came into the diner that the kids and I were eating at?"

"Yes..." he said carefully. "That's how you knew I'd just had lunch with her."

"Right," Donna confirmed. "She said that you'd talked to her about the kids and how you weren't sure you were going to send them back after the holidays. She said it right in front of the kids, Josh."

"You're kidding," Josh said in disbelief. 

Her words tumbled out quickly as if they were a band-aid she was trying to pull off. "And then she said if you did keep them, you would need a mom for them and it would be interesting to see who you picked." She looked at him. "It was pretty clear she was including herself in the field of candidates." 

Josh scrubbed a hand over his face. "I'll kill her," he muttered.

"I think you're going to have to get in line there. I nearly killed her myself," she told him. "At least for what she said to the kids. You see Josh, earlier in the day I was trying to get the kids to tell me what they wanted for Christmas." Her expression softened. "They said all the wanted was for you to let them stay with you...with us...permanently. So when she said those things, I know it got their hopes up."

Josh sat there dumbfounded, blinking in shock at everything that had transpired that day.

Dropping her gaze, she went back to worrying the edge of her blanket. "So, I've been feeling really insecure. You'd had lunch with Amy without telling me first. Then she said you talked to her about the kids, which I know you don't like to do with just anybody. And to top it off, she's talking like she'd like nothing better than to have some competition with me over who's going to get to their mom or foster mom or whatever." She let out a slightly shaky breath. "Then you started spending more and more time with the kids...alone with the kids like you were weaning me away from them or something..."

"And so you thought I didn't want you around?" he finished.

"Uh, huh..." she said without looking up.

Letting out a long breath, he sat forward in his chair a bit. "Donna, look at me."

When she did, a tear fell down her cheek and she took a swipe at it.

"I need you to listen to me now," he said handing her another tissue. "The only reason I didn't tell you about my lunch meeting with Amy is because it was kind of last minute. For the record, I didn't bring up the kids, she did. And while it's true I told her I wasn't sure if I was going to send them back or not, that's all I told her about them. It didn't occur to me for one second that she'd say anything to you or the kids about it. As for a competition between you and Amy, there is NO competition. If I decide to keep them, you're the only mom I would ever want for Jake and Hannah."

She smiled a little wetly. "Really?"

"Yes, really. God, how could you...after everything...how could you think anything different?"

"Well, you do have a certain history where she's concerned."

"Okay, I can hardly argue that point, but I'm not going back to Amy. EVER," he promised. "I may be a masochist, but even I'm not THAT much of a masochist. Besides, I kind of like our family the way it is."

"I do too," she agreed.

Even though things were apparently fixed between them, he still wanted to make sure that she absolutely clear on something. 

Reaching out, he took her hand. "And I definitely want you around, Donna, don't ever think that I don't."

"I won't," she answered with a soft smile. "I promise."

**********  
Chapter 23

Donna was anxiously sitting on the edge of her bed waiting for Josh when he arrived at the hospital late the next morning. “Thank God, I thought you’d never show up.”

"I got here as soon as I could," he told her. "I left as soon as you called to say the doctor signed your discharge papers."

"I know, I just forgot about the time it would take for you to get here from DC." 

"Aw, and here I thought you missed me," he teased. 

He had no idea how much she'd missed him. Truth be told, he looked amazing.

"Don't flatter yourself," she teased back. "What I really missed is what you have in that bag."

"So you're picking clean clothes over yours truly?"

"After spending the last three days in this backless, well-ventilated, paper-thin gown, you bet your ass I am." 

Setting the bag next to her on the bed, he grinned at her. "No pun intended, of course." 

She rolled her eyes at him. "I better go get dressed before you pull out any more of those gems."

Giving herself a little push off the bed, she only took two steps before she felt the world wobble a bit. Josh was at her side instantly, his arm around her waist to steady her.

"You okay?" he asked her.

Like flakes settling in a snow globe, the world slowly set itself to rights. "Yeah, sorry I think I got up too fast. The doctor said I should move a little slowly for the next couple of days." Carefully turning her head to look at him, she gave him a weak little smile. "I guess I was just excited about going home."

It was then that she realized just how close their faces were to each other. Enough so that she could smell his aftershave and feel the slight warmth of his breath on her face. Her stomach did a little flip and she knew it had nothing to do with her earlier dizziness.

"And here I thought it was my animal magnetism," he teased.

"No, just my shaken, but not stirred brain," she managed to reply.

"Does that mean you're going to be the next Bond girl?"

"Well, I do have the legs for it," she said enjoying their re-energized banter.

"You won't get any argument from me there."

Despite the fact that his comment had left her a little breathless and she was very aware that his arm was still around her waist, she managed to tease him back.

"Will wonders never cease?"

Rather than answering her, he just watched her with the hint of a smile.

"What?" she asked.

"You just..." he faltered slightly, "It's good to see you feeling better."

She didn't know quite what to say to that. "I guess I should go get changed."

He dropped his arm from around her waist. "You gonna be all right in there by yourself?"

Donna nodded. "Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Damn, and I was hoping for a free show," he teased.

Rolling her eyes, Donna picked up the bag and walked to the small bathroom. Since her body was still a little sore from the accident, she tried to move carefully. 

Glancing at the small mirror over the bathroom sink, she managed to suppress a groan. She looked terrible. Her hair was in desperate need of washing. Since she hadn't been able to take a shower while she'd been there her hair was still spattered with dry blood in places, and hung limply around her face. She would have killed for a brush and something to make a ponytail with. 

To add insult to injury, a number of small, scabbed-over cuts and still-healing bruises in a variety of Technicolor hues dotted her face, especially on the left side. 

The only good news was that when the nurse had changed the bandage on her forehead this morning they'd swapped the gauze for an extra large band-aid. The band-aid blended into her skin pretty well and it no longer looked like she had a folded up handkerchief taped to her forehead. 

Well, she couldn't do much about her hair or her face, but she was happy that she would finally be able to get out of this stupid hospital gown. Opening the bag Josh had brought, she looked inside and smiled. Comfortable jeans, underwear, a t-shirt, sweatshirt, thick, warm socks, and sneakers. Just what she would have picked.

She smiled gratefully when she saw two final items shoved into one of her shoes. Her hair brush and a scrunchie.

"Bless you, Josh," she murmured. 

Getting the ties on the back of her gown undone, she changed as quickly as she dared without making her head spin. Next, she picked up her hairbrush and after working through a couple of knots and being careful to not brush too hard, gave her hair a good brushing. Using the scrunchie, she worked her hair into a loose bun.

She gave herself another look in the mirror. "Well, you look marginally human," she told her reflection.

Gathering anything she wanted to take with her, she dumped it all back into the bag and stepped out of the bathroom. 

"So did I bring the right things?" he asked her.

"Perfect," she told him. "Especially the brush."

He grinned. "I had a feeling."

She tossed the hospital gown on the rumpled bed and sat down on the edge of it to put her shoes and socks on. As she bent down to pull on a sock, her head began to pound like it was trying to explode.

"Ohhh," she said sitting back weakly.

Josh was instantly beside her. "What's wrong?"

The pain had subsided as soon as she’d sat up again and she let out a long, slow breath. "My head. I guess bending over too far makes it hurt."

"Probably all the blood rushing to your head," he guessed. "Why don't you let me help you with those?"

"Thanks," she said quietly.

Taking her shoes and the other sock from her, he knelt down and pulled the first sock up the rest of the way and then pulled on the other one. Then he slid on each of her sneakers and tied the laces.

"There you go," he said as he got up.

Although she was a little embarrassed by not being able to put her own shoes on, she was immensely touched by him helping her with them. There was also the fact that the feeling of his hands on her feet was oddly intimate and made her stomach do little summersaults.

"Thanks," she said as she slowly and carefully stood up so there wouldn't be a repeat of her earlier dizziness. Moving around the room, she gathered the few remaining personal items and dropped them in the bag.

"Okay, let's go," she said. "I'll carry the flowers if you carry my bag."

Josh smirked at her. "Oh, no you don't. A nurse should be here any minute with a wheelchair."

Donna gave him a little pout. "But I can walk just fine."

"You know how it works, Donna. Hospital...rules."

She heard his special emphasis on "rules" and remembered they'd had a similar discussion when he'd been discharged after being shot. Okay, truth be told, it had been more of a fight than a discussion. Despite the fact he tired easily back then, he'd been so happy to finally be leaving the hospital under his own power, he'd balked at the idea of riding in a wheelchair. She'd won in the end, but he was clearly looking for some payback.

"You enjoy using my own words against me, don't you?"

"You better believe it," he said. "I get to do it so seldom."

"Well, then, you better wipe that smirk off your face and go find me a nurse bearing a wheelchair, like now, or I'm going to make a break for it anyway."

Since she really wasn't up to moving very fast, they both knew it was an empty threat, but Josh didn't have a chance to make a comment. Just then, a nurse appeared in the doorway pushing a wheelchair.

"Your wish is my command," he said with a smirk.

"Pay no attention to him," Donna told the nurse as she sat down in the chair. "God knows I try not to."

She handed Josh her bag and he handed her the vase of roses to hold on her lap. He also picked up the smaller arrangement from Jake. "Is that everything?"

"Yep, let's go," she said, clearly antsy to be going home.

Since she had to make one final stop in the admissions office to check out, Josh left her with the nurse and went out to bring the car around. He was just pulling up to the entrance when the nurse wheeled her out. 

"Where did this come from?" Donna asked him in confusion as he came around to open her door. “It doesn’t have plates so I know you didn’t rent it.”

"I bought it," he said simply as he helped her out of the wheelchair and into the car.

She marveled at the new car. The Audi A3 wagon was beautiful and she imagined, expensive. The exterior was a pale silver metallic, while the leather interior was a coordinating dove gray. A new booster seat for Hannah was already installed in the back seat.

"When did you have time to buy it?" she asked once he'd slid behind the driver's seat.

"Last night," he said as he pulled away from the hospital. "Ainsley looked after the kids while I went and picked it up."

"You didn't want to just rent another car?"

"Nah, renting was too much trouble."

She frowned. "You thought buying a new car was less trouble than just renting one?"

"Yeah, besides I've been wanting to get a new car."

Besides the fact he rarely drove his old car, she didn't remember him ever saying anything about wanting a new car. "So you traded yours in?"

"Not yet. They always rip you off when you use your car as a trade in so I thought I'd put an ad in the paper or something,” he said vaguely. “Plus I figured for the time being we could use an extra car since we don’t have the van anymore."

"And so for your personal car you picked....a station wagon?" she said.

He shrugged. "For now, I figured it would be easier for hauling around the kids and all their stuff. It’s a nice car in any case. It also has one of the highest crash ratings, all wheel drive, and is loaded with all kinds of features, including front and SIDE airbags," he glanced at her with a little grin. "Besides, I liked it."

He certainly seemed to have his mind made up about it, so she let him off the hook. "Okay," she replied with a smile. 

He seemed a little surprised by her sudden agreement. "Does that 'okay' mean you don't like it and don't want to tell me?"

"I didn't say that," she said. "In fact, I love it. It's probably what I would have picked if I'd been buying a car and money was no object."

Her words seemed to make him inordinately happy. "Good..." he said with a grin. Then he seemed to reign in his enthusiasm. "I mean, since you will be using it to drive the kids, I’m glad you like it." 

"I'm going to get spoiled," she told him. "I'll never want to drive my old car again."

"Well, I guess that's a risk I'll just have to take," he told her.

They chatted for a bit longer, mostly about what was going on at the White House and how the kids had been since Donna had been in the hospital. Very shortly though, Donna felt tiredness pulling at her and she couldn't keep from yawning.

"The seats recline. Why don't you lay back and rest until we get there?" Josh suggested. 

She gave him a grateful smile. "You sure you don't mind?"

"Nah, I know you're tired."

"Okay, thanks, I think I will," she said gratefully as she found the release lever and eased the seat back. In her mind, she'd no more than closed her eyes, than Josh had the passenger door open and was kneeling beside her as he tried to wake her up. 

"Donna...?" he said, shaking her shoulder gently.

"Hmm...uh...huh?" she muttered groggily.

"Wake up, sleepy head, we're here," he told her.

"Already?" she said groggily as she sat up. "How long...was I asleep?"

"About a half hour," he replied. "You were really out. I already unloaded the car and everything.”

Still waking up, Donna looked out the front window of the car and blinked in surprise. "When did it start snowing?" she said, watching the fat flakes drifting down from the cloud-laden sky. It had been cold and cloudy when they’d left Baltimore, but there hadn’t been any sign of precipitation.

“About ten minutes ago. Looks like the city is going to get a white Christmas after all,” Josh commented as he helped her out of the car. “It’s supposed to snow on and off for the next week, but the heaviest is supposed to be tonight and sometime around Christmas Eve day.” 

“I didn’t realize. I must have missed it on the news,” she commented as he closed her door and they walked to his building.

She felt him automatically take her arm as they started up the front steps. It was a nice warmth against the chilly temperature outside. Once they got inside, he only relinquished his hold on her long enough to get the mail out of the box in the foyer. 

Since his building didn’t have an elevator, they had to climb two flights of stairs to get to his apartment. They took things slow and he patiently stopped at the top of each of the landings to let her catch her breath. She hated how easily she got tired.

By the time they reached the apartment, her head had gone from aching dully to moderately throbbing. She considered trying to make it to the bedroom so she could lay down, but the couch was much closer and more inviting so she dropped onto it and rubbed at her temples.

“You’re a little pale, is your headache worse?” Josh asked.

“Yeah, it’s throbbing right now. I guess the stairs kind of wore me out.”

“I’ll get you some Advil,” he said heading for the kitchen.

As she waited for him to come back, she continued to rub at her temples. Trying to distract herself from the pain running rough shod through her head, she picked up the small wicker basket of unopened mail sitting on the coffee table.

On the top was all the mail Josh had just retrieved from the box downstairs and underneath was what looked to be a backlog from the last couple days. Idly, she flipped through it. There were a few bills, some junk mail, a couple of things from the DNC and even two mailings from a couple of political figures she knew were running for various Senate and House seats. It was no secret that Josh got any number of regular offers to run or be involved in various political campaigns, even if it was only as a consultant.

There was even a letter from his mom, which had been opened, presumably read and then returned to the pile. In addition to wanting to read it because she liked to hear from Ruth Lyman, she was curious to see if she’d said anything about the kids. It worried Donna that if Ruth had a hard time with the kids and Josh decided to keep them, it could drive a wedge between them. She considered asking him if she could read the letter, but her head hurt too much to focus on it, so she decided to put it off until later and she dropped it back into the pile.

What she found at the very bottom of the pile made her blink a few times to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. It was an envelope from Gentronics Laboratories. She remembered that was the name of the private lab Mike Casper had recommended to Josh for the DNA testing.

Flipping it over, she saw the envelope was still unopened.

“Here you go,” he said returning with a large bottle of Advil and some water.

“Josh did you see this?” she asked.

He paused for a second when he saw what she was holding. “Oh, yeah, I saw it,” he said as he set the Advil and the water on the coffee table.

“Isn’t this the lab Mike recommended for the DNA testing?” 

He sat in one of the club chairs across from the sofa. “Yes, it is.”

She waited for him to say something else, and was surprised when he didn’t. “You didn’t open it.”

“Can’t get anything past you, Donna.”

“Josh...”

“I just didn’t get around to it,” he said with a shrug.

“You didn’t get around to it?” she asked. “How long has this envelope been here?”

Josh shrugged. “A couple days I guess.”

“A couple days?!” she asked in disbelief.

She couldn’t understand why on earth he wasn’t more curious about the contents. She thought the results would play a big part in his decision as to whether or not he’d keep the kids.

“Yeah, I think it came on Saturday,” he said, his voice still calm and neutral as if they were talking about the weather.

“Saturday? You’ve had this for almost three days and you haven’t opened it?”

“Like I said, I didn’t get around to it,” he told her. “You know, I have been a little busy taking care of you and the kids in the past few days.”

"I know you have," she agreed. "I didn't mean that. I just thought you'd want to know."

He scrubbed at the back of his neck. "I do want to know."

"Well, you've got a few minutes," she suggested, holding it out. "Why don't you open it now?"

“No,” he said getting out of the chair and pacing away from her. “I don’t want to open it.”

"Why not?” she asked with a frown.

Shoving his hands into his pockets, he turned to face her. “Because I don’t want it to matter.”

“What do you mean?”

He dragged a hand through his hair. “Just what I said. I don’t want my decision about them to hang on whether or not they’re my blood relatives.” He started to pace again. “Even if it turns out they are, it’s all an accident anyway. What should it matter? I mean if we were talking about a paternity test to find out if they were actually my kids then it would be different. But really those tests are just trying to tell me if they’re my half niece and nephew.” 

Pausing in his attempts to wear a path in the floor, he turned to her again and spread his hands. “They’re kids, they need a home. My decision should be about that, rather than their genetics.” He let out a sigh and dropped his head. “I don’t know, it probably sounds pretty stupid. I know the whole thing started precisely because of their genetics and because I thought they were related to me.”

Feeling a little misty over his sentiment, it took her a moment to answer. “No, Josh it doesn’t sound stupid.”

He looked up at her and in his eyes she could see he desperately wanted her to understand. “I guess the DNA part doesn’t matter as much to me now as it did before.” He let out a breath. “And that’s why I didn’t open the results. Don't get me wrong though, I’m still curious and I’ll open them...eventually." 

So many people gave Josh a hard time for being tough politically. They never saw how deeply he felt things. She was glad that she was one of the few people he showed it to.

“Josh, come here...” she said patting the spot on the sofa next to her.

Remaining where he was, he stared at her warily. “You’re not going to hit me or anything are you?”

Tossing the envelope back into the basket, she rolled her eyes. “No, of course not, I'm just too tired to get up, so come here.”

Cautiously, he walked over to her and sat down in the space she’d indicated. As soon as he did, she caught him off guard by enveloping him in a hug. 

“I know you hate it when I say stuff like this, but I think you’re amazing.”

Clearly, her words and the hug took him by surprise and it showed in the initial awkwardness of his body when he hugged her back. But then she felt him relax and it felt incredibly natural.

“I don’t hate it that much,” he said in a voice that had gone slightly husky.

Tightening her arms around him for a moment, she allowed herself the luxury of breathing in the scent of him. “Just don’t let it go to your head.”

He grinned. “Well you know how hard that is for me,” he teased as they released each other. “Speaking of heads, how’s yours feeling?" 

"Okay, I guess. A little better." She sighed. "Still hurts though."

"Why don’t you take some Advil and lay down?"

"Sounds like a plan," she said reaching for the water as Josh opened the bottle of Advil and got out two capsules. She took them with a swig of water and Josh got up to give her room to stretch out on the couch. 

Pulling the blanket off the back of the couch, he covered her with it. "Comfortable?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said, already feeling sleepy. "Hey, don't you need to pick up the kids from school soon?"

He nodded. "I was going to leave in a few minutes...as long as you think you'll be okay here by yourself while I go get them."

"I'll be fine, Josh. I'm tired, not an invalid." Closing her eyes, she gave him a soft smile and absently started to rub her temples again. "But it's nice you worry."

She was a little surprised when he didn’t make a comeback of some sort and she had to force herself not to open her eyes again when she felt him staring at her.

"Does rubbing your temples help your headache?" he finally asked.

"A little."

She felt the edge of the couch dip a little and then she felt the warmth of Josh's body where it pressed against her hip as he sat down. "Here, let me try."

Not opening her eyes, she obediently did as he asked and dropped her hands. She felt him gently lay two fingers on each of her temples and he began to rub in a smooth circular motion. Under other circumstances, she probably would have questioned the wisdom of letting him do what he was doing, but she was too tired and her headache was bothering her too much to think about it right then.

"That's nice," she murmured sleepily as she felt herself begin to float. The only thing keeping her tethered was the connection of his fingers on her skin.

"Try and rest now," he said soothingly as he continued to rub her temples. 

"'kay," she said on a sigh as she slid under completely and dropped off to sleep.

**********  
Donna was only able to sleep until Josh got back with the kids. Between having no school for the next week because their Christmas break had started and being excited to see Donna, Josh tried and failed to keep the kids quiet when they found her lying on the couch. She was up for a while to visit with them and hear about their day, but she drifted off again once things had calmed down and they were watching TV, while Josh did some work at the dinner table. 

Josh woke her up again when it was time for dinner, in this case pizza from Marco's Pizzeria, but she opted to move from the couch to an actual bed instead of eating. At that point, Josh suggested that they swap beds so she could get some peace and quiet in her own room. Even if she would have had the energy to argue, the idea of a room to herself sounded wonderful so she agreed.

Of course, where kids are concerned, things like having your own room are sort of relative.

“Aunt Donna?” Hannah whispered early the next morning. "Are you awake?”

"No," Donna whispered back with her eyes still closed.

"Are you sure?" Hannah asked.

"Yes," she said, although she knew going back to sleep now was probably going to be pretty hard.

"Okay, I'll wait," she said and Donna could feel Josh's bed dip a bit as Hannah climbed up on it. Apparently, Donna's sarcasm was lost on her.

"Hannah? What are you doing in here?" Jake said in a harsh whisper. 

"Waiting for Aunt Donna to wake up."

Donna, who had yet to open her eyes even though she was completely awake, had to work hard to suppress a smile as the two of them continued to argue in rather loud whispers.

"But Uncle Josh said not to come in here," Jake replied. "We're supposed to leave her alone so she can rest."

"She's already rested for a long time. I want to go out and play in the snow."

"Uncle Josh told us last night he'd take us outside after breakfast."

"But I want Aunt Donna to come too!" Hannah whined.

Now Josh's voice entered the fray. "What are you guys doing in here?!" 

He was the only one she knew that could manage to bellow, even when he was whispering.

"It's all Hannah’s fault," Jake defended. 

"No, it's not!" Hannah shot back in an indignant whisper. 

"Yes it is. She came in here first,” Jake explained. “I only came in here to see what she was doing."

"Well, you need to both get out of here right now before you wake her up."

"Too late," Donna said as she opened her eyes and sat up.

Jake and Josh at least had the good sense to look guilty. Hannah on the other hand, just looked excited as she crawled across the bed to Donna.

"Aunt Donna! You ARE awake," she said giving up even the pretense of whispering, which had been happening more and more when it was just the four of them. 

“Good morning, Pixie,” she said. “And company.”

“Sorry,” Josh said dragging his hand through his hair. “I left them alone for one minute to go to the bathroom.”

She gave him a grin. “It’s okay. I was about ready to get up anyway. What time is it?”

“A little after 8,” he said. “I was just going to make some breakfast. You hungry?”

Actually, she was famished and it occurred to her that she hadn't had dinner last night. "As long as it's not hospital food, I'll eat it."

"Good," he said rubbing his hands together. "So what do you guys want to eat?"

"Waffles!" Jake yelled.

"Pancakes!" Hannah squealed.

"Eggs Benedict!" Donna threw in for the heck of it just to see what he’d say.

He stared at the three of them and grinned suddenly. "Sorry, guys if I’m cooking and you want something edible, your choices are scrambled eggs or cereal."

Hannah, Jake and Donna exchanged looks. "Scrambled eggs," Donna and Jake said while Hannah just giggled.

"Okay, but cereal would have been faster...and probably safer," he told them. "Now why don't you two go watch TV. I want to talk to Donna for a minute, then I'll make breakfast."

"Then we can go out and play in the snow, right?" Hannah said hopefully. 

"Yes, Hannah, of the one-track mind. After breakfast we can go outside and play in the snow."

"Yay!" she said as she jumped off the bed and nearly skipped out of the room. Jake followed her out at a much more sedate pace, but even he had a little spring in his step.

Josh walked over to Donna. "How are you feeling this morning?"

She did a quick mental and physical inventory. "I feel pretty good," she said rolling her shoulders. "I'm still a little sore, but my headache's just about gone."

"Good, see what a little sleep can do?"

For the first time Donna really noticed what Josh was wearing. Jeans and a Harvard sweatshirt. "Are you going to wear that to work today?"

"No," he answered with a shrug. "Because I'm not going to work today."

Okay, now she was confused. "You're not?" 

"No. The president's in Manchester until after Christmas, we got enough snow that things are pretty much at a crawl in DC, and with you coming home from the hospital, and the kids out of school until after New Years, I asked Leo for a few days off." 

"Okay, I may still be dreaming or maybe I'm just hallucinating, because I thought you just said you asked for a few days off."

"No, it's not a dream."

"Really?" she asked skeptically. "I mean maybe you should pinch me or something just so I can be sure."

"Why is that so hard to believe?"

"Josh, you never take time off," she pointed out. "The only things that make you take time off are being hospitalized, guilt from your mother, or the chance of a Mike Piazza 'dude' sighting."

"Those are all very important things," he teased.

"My point is those are rare occurrences."

"I know," he conceded. "I guess..." his voice trailed off.

"What?" Donna prompted.

"I just never had any reason to ask for that many days off before. Everyone I normally want to spend time with is at the White House. Sam, Toby, CJ...you. But now...well, I've got people here I want to spend time with and since there wasn't much going on right now and you're going to be out on sick leave for the next week, it seemed like a perfect time to take a few days."

Donna felt the same way she had last night when he'd told her about wanting to wait to read the DNA tests. He really was amazing. She didn't know if it was her or the kids influencing him, but whatever it was, she could see he was starting to make time for a personal life and she was glad.

Throwing back the covers, she swung her feet over the side of the bed. Luckily, her pajamas consisted of very unrevealing flannel pants and a t-shirt. “Well, if we're going to take the kids out to play in the snow then I guess I'd better get up.”

“Do you think you should be going outside? Maybe you should stay here and rest.”

“The doctor said I should take it easy, Josh, not stay in bed,” she pointed out. “Besides, I feel really good this morning.”

“I know, I just don’t want you to get tired out,” he told her. “You know how it’s makes your headache worse.”

She was actually very touched by his concern. “I was cooped up in the hospital for more than three days, a little snow and fresh air sounds like a perfect prescription to me.”

“Okay,” he relented. “But promise me you’ll say something if you need to rest or you want to come back inside.”

“I will, I swear,” she promised. “Now why don’t you go start breakfast while I take a shower?” 

“Can you take one with the cut on your head?”

“Yeah, I’m just supposed to not let the water beat on it and I have to change the bandage afterward.”

“You going to be okay taking a shower by yourself?”

She arched a brow at him. “Why? Are you making me some kind of offer to wash my back?” she teased before she had a chance to think better of it.

He must have realized what he’d said because he suddenly got flustered. “What...no, of course not. I just...I mean I thought I could...you know, get a stool or something to put in the shower in case you...got tired or whatever.” 

A little disappointed that it wasn’t an offer, she smiled nonetheless. “I’ll be fine. Now stop being a mother hen and go make breakfast.”

Looking a little relieved, he shoved his hands in his pockets. “Couldn’t I at least be a ‘father hen’?”

“You know, by definition, a father hen would be a rooster.”

He grinned. “Yeah, I know.”

She rolled her eyes. “Well, at least you’ve got the strutting around part down pat.”

“Strutting is one of my best qualities,” he said with a smirk.

“I’m sure there are some that would debate that.”

“Are any of them in this room?” he asked pointedly.

“Are you still going to make me breakfast?”

“Yeah...?” he said cautiously.

“Then no,” she told him. “Because I, unlike many roosters in the wild, do not bite the hand that feeds me.”

"Roosters in the wild?" he said with a grin. "What? Like there are roving gangs of wild roosters roaming around somewhere?"

"Actually no, most of the time there's only one," she explained. "A rooster protects the area his hens are nesting in and will attack any other rooster that strays into their territory."

"Roosters are amazing creatures, aren't they?"

He was all but oozing machismo by then and she could swear he was flexing his arms a little. She'd always had a weakness for his arms, but she also couldn't resist popping a hole in his testosterone balloon.

"They're also non-monogamous, can peck with 15 pounds of force, and have a tendency to crow with annoying regularity not only at dawn but all night and day."

Apparently unfazed by her comments, he smirked at her. "You know, your Wisconsin milk maid roots are showing, right?"

"Shouldn't you be making me breakfast?" she shot back.

"Okay, okay," he chuckled as he turned to leave, but her voice stopped him at the door.

“Josh...?”

He stopped and looked back at her. “Yeah?”

She gave him a heartfelt smile. “Thanks for caring enough to be a father hen.”

“Don’t take too long in the shower or I'm coming in to get you,” he said as he strutted out with a grin on his face.

**********  
Josh’s scrambled eggs turned out to be surprisingly good. Even Hannah ate some of them without making too many faces. 

After they all bundled up, they trooped outside. Although the sun was out and the sky was clear, it had snowed quite a bit overnight. They could have taken the car, but the street hadn't been plowed yet and they were only going a couple of blocks to a nearby park so they voted to walk. When they got there, they found a few other kids playing, but for the most part, the snow was still pristine.

Brushing the snow off the bench of a picnic table, Donna sat down and watched as Hannah made snow angels and Jake and Josh started to try and build a snow man. Although she wasn't tired yet, Donna knew that she'd probably need all her energy for the walk home and climbing the stairs to Josh's apartment so she decided to watch more than participate. She'd even brought along Josh's camera to take some pictures of them out in the snow.

Together Jake and Josh made a formidable team and in no time they had put together a small but very passable snowman. They were just down to giving it a face and arms, when Josh let Jake and Hannah argue over the details and he came over to Donna.

"Hey, how you doing?" he said dropping down on the bench next to her.

"I'm fine. Just trying not to overdo. Someone was worried about me so I'm trying to be good," she teased with a grin. "It looks like you and Jake were having fun."

Josh grinned. "Yeah, he's a good snowman maker. He said he and his dad used to build them all the time."

Donna stared at him for a moment. "Josh, can I ask you something?"

He seemed surprised by her question. "Uh, sure."

She debated for a second exactly how to phrase what she wanted to say and when she spoke, she kept her voice low enough the kids wouldn't hear. "Don't take this the wrong way or anything, I swear I'm not trying to get you worked up or mad or anything but..."

"Okay, Donna, just so you know, this is not a promising way to start a conversation."

"I know, I know," she agreed. Then she let out a breath. "I know you haven't read the DNA results and that plays a part, but I've noticed that ever since we got the kids, you keep referring to Jason as the kid's dad."

He frowned. "Yeah? So? He IS their dad."

"I guess what I'm trying to find a diplomatic way of asking is...depending on what you find when you do read the DNA results, do you think you'll ever be able to think of Jason Whitehall as your brother...or you half brother anyway?"

He stared at her for a very long time and she began to wonder if he was going to answer her. When he finally did, he didn't sound mad, he sounded...sad.

"I haven't thought about it," he said quietly with a grim half-smile. "Haven't let myself think about it."

"But if you find out he was your half-brother, don't you think you're going to have to reconcile that...even if it’s only to yourself?"

He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. "I suppose. Like a lot of things, I'm just not there yet." 

They sat and watched the kids arguing over which size twigs to use for the arms on the snowman. "Maybe it would be different if I'd ever met him or even if Joanie were still alive. But I've been an only child for such a long time, I just don't know if I'm ready to have another dead sibling." He stared down at his hands. "I know that probably doesn't make much sense."

"No, actually it makes perfect sense." She laid her hand on his arm. "Josh, I can't imagine what it's been like for you and finding out all you have in the last couple of months. I'm not trying to criticize how you're handling it, I'm just trying to understand."

Looking over at her, he laid his gloved hand over hers. "I know and I appreciate the effort," he said sincerely. "Once I understand it myself, I'll let you know."

Donna gave him a smile. "That's all I..."

She was soundly interrupted from making any further comments by the snowball that flew in and exploded spectacularly across Josh's chest. 

Cast off snow was still dripping from Josh's hair as they looked up to see Jake and Hannah laughing so hard they could hardly stand up.

"Well, I hardly think that can go by without a response," Josh said with a smirk.

"Yeah, you better get in there and teach him a lesson," Donna agreed.

Grabbing a handful of snow from the top of the picnic table, Josh was off and running in a flash while Jake tried laughing and running at the same time. Josh easily creamed him with his snowball and what ensued was a knock down drag out snowball fight between the two of them.

Meanwhile, Hannah ran over to the relative safety Donna offered. Hannah had been trying to make snowballs earlier so she could join Jake and Josh in the fun, but she wasn't quite getting it right. So while the snowball battle raged around them, Donna helped show her how to make one and then throw one.

"Aunt Donna, protect me!" Jake squealed as he grabbed on to Donna's arm. "Uncle Josh is going to kill me!" She knew he was speaking figuratively of course.

"Hey, you started this by throwing the first snowball," she told him. "You should have taken the time to find out that your uncle is a championship snowball thrower. Which is why I don't mess with him when it comes to snowballs."

She smiled as she remembered a certain January night where she learned first hand just how well Josh could throw a snowball...even when he was wearing a tux.

"Come on, Jake! Stop hiding behind Donna!" Josh called. "I'll even let you take the next shot at me for free."

Jake knew when he was licked...not to mention up against a superior competitor. "I give up!" he called back.

Clearly disappointed, Josh came out from behind the tree and walked over to them. "You give up?" he said. "But what am I supposed to do with this?"

He held up what looked to be the perfect snowball. It was about the size of a softball and was well-packed with a slightly crusty outer shell. Donna imagined it would hold together pretty well, but would explode with amazing results when it hit something.

"Hey, what's that?" Jake asked pointing at a spot on the snowball.

"What's what?" Josh replied.

"That spot? It looks like blood or something."

Josh held the snowball up a little closer to his face and examined it. "Where? I don't see anything."

"Right there," Jake insisted. "I can't believe you don't see it."

Josh pulled it in just a bit closer and that's when Jake made his move. He smacked Josh's hand hard and the resulting momentum basically made Josh hit himself in the face with the snowball.

Donna and Hannah erupted in laughter.

"Oh, now you've done it," Josh told him. "Now you're going to get the Chinese snow torture!"

With a squeal, Jake tried to run but Josh was too close and he playfully tackled him into the snow where they proceeded to wrestle around with Josh tickling Jake and generally shoving a good amount of snow down inside Jake's coat.

"No more, Uncle Josh!" Jake said as he gasped for breath between squeals and laughter. "I give up!"

"Say it!!" Josh insisted.

Jake continued to laugh. "Okay, you win! You win!"

Josh grinned. "See, now was that so hard?" he said as he helped Jake up and brushed him off. "Well, guys, have you had enough of the snow? 'Cause I have to say I've got snow in places that snow has no business being."

"Why don't we head for home then?" Donna suggested. "The hot cocoa's on me."

"YAY!" Came the unanimous cheer as they turned and headed for the apartment.

**********  
As promised, there was cocoa all around once they got home, which warmed everyone up nicely. After they were warm on the inside, Josh left the kids watching TV and Donna putting some things in the dishwasher and went and took a shower.

It had been a fun day, he reflected as he dried off and got dressed in the bathroom. More fun than he'd expected. When the kids had begged him to go out and play in the snow last night, he'd said yes, but he'd been dreading it a bit. It wasn't that he didn't want to spend time with them or anything. But he'd assumed Donna would want to rest and after the talk they'd had at the hospital, he didn't want to leave her out of any quality time with the kids. 

Then again, the same could be said for pretty much anything he did whether it was with the kids or not. After some of the ups and downs they'd had in the past year and the scare of the accident, he was finding that he wanted to share everything with her now. Like an anchor in a turbulent storm, he wanted her...needed her close by. She kept him grounded. And today, with her there, even if it was just as a bystander, it had made the day worthwhile. 

Trying to shake off the contemplative mood he'd fallen into, he walked through the kids' room and stepped out into the living room. He frowned when he saw the TV was off and the apartment appeared to be empty.

Thinking it could be the only place they could be, he walked quietly back to the bedroom he'd given Donna to use after she'd come home from the hospital. Stopping in the doorway, he looked into the room and smiled.

The three of them must have been exhausted. They were laying on his...well, currently Donna's bed sound asleep. Looking warm and cozy under a soft blanket, Donna was in the middle and with one of the kids on each side of her. The three of them had cheeks gone pink from exertion and the cold and he couldn't help but be struck by the fact that there was something very right about the moment. 

As he stood there, he saw Donna's lids flutter and then lift as her eyes opened. Apparently, she hadn't been asleep after all. He was pretty sure he'd made no noise, but he had the oddest feeling she'd sensed his presence even before she'd opened her eyes. 

With a soft smile, her gaze met his over the top of Hannah's head and in her endlessly blue eyes them he saw a myriad of emotions. Tiredness, happiness and something that made him pause. Longing...longing and a warmth so deep it touched something way down inside him and he wished he could do something to answer that look. It was like part of her was trying to tell him something and he didn't fully understand just what it was. 

He didn't know how long he stood there looking at her. It wasn't the kind of a moment that had time attached to it. It just was.

And when her eyes slid closed again, it left him with the oddest feeling. Almost as if someone had eclipsed the sun or blotted out the stars. 

Turning away, Josh shook his head. What had come over him? All of a sudden, his brain seemed to think everything was an existential question or had some hidden meaning. He wasn't usually one to be so introspective.

Secure in the knowledge that the three of them were resting quietly, he decided to watch TV in the living room. Maybe ridiculing...quietly ridiculing, Republicans on C-SPAN or CNN would help him shake off the mood he was in. 

He'd only taken three steps down the hall when he stopped. Instantly, he knew.

It was like it had been something fuzzy...something in his peripheral vision. Something he hadn't quite been able to see or hadn't allowed himself to see. But suddenly, in that moment, it stepped in front of him. Sharp, focused and absolutely crystal clear.

He loved her. 

He was IN love with her. 

He'd been in love with her for a very long time, maybe even from the day he'd found her standing in his office. But he had never allowed himself to feel it. It had been lurking there, in the back of his heart, in the back of his mind like a treasure chest locked away in a dusty room waiting to be discovered. Hiding where it couldn't been seen or examined too closely until the time was right and he'd reached the point where he could overcome the fear of losing her.

He knew what people said and what they suspected. He wasn't deaf, blind, dumb or stupid. They thought they'd been together at one point or another since the day they'd met. But for as much as they did together and as many boundaries as they crossed, they had never allowed themselves to take that final step. The step that would move them from being friends to being so much more.

The failure to take that step had been a combination of working in the fish bowl of the White House, circumstance, timing and simply because he had never allowed himself to think about it. 

Silently, he pressed his back to the hallway wall. 

Oh, God. Now he knew what had been holding him back from deciding what to do about the kids. 

His feelings for Donna.

All this time, he'd been looking at this thing with the kids all wrong. Instead of trying to decide if he wanted the kids in his life, he should have been thinking about how to get Donna into his life...permanently. With her there, he knew, with a strangely utter certainty, that everything else would fall into place. 

Although he would miss them, he could see his life without the kids, but he couldn't see it without her. He'd been thinking of them as a constant, but they were the variable. Donna was the constant that was missing from the equation. And not because of all the things she did for them. Not for anything work-related, or kid-related or the errands and how well she took care of everyone. But because without her, nothing worked...inside him. Without her there, everything lost it’s meaning for him.

As for the question of the kids, if Donna loved him at all and would take him with all his faults and they could try and have a life together, of course he wanted to keep them. 

Pushing away from the wall, he felt like an enormous weight had suddenly been lifted off his shoulders.

At different points in his life he'd felt like loving someone or building a life with someone would be a hindrance...a vulnerability to be avoided. But now, the idea of loving Donna and having a life with her, felt like the most freeing thing he'd ever experienced.

He took a step back toward the bedroom. At that moment, he wanted nothing more than to go in there, banish the kids to the living room, lock the door and show Donna exactly how much she meant to him.

The only thing stopping him was a little voice. A voice that sounded suspiciously like Donna, telling him to practice cautious optimism.

It also occurred to him that this would be the most important thing he would ever do and he didn't want to screw it up.

What he really needed was some advice and he needed to talk it through with someone who could really give him some solid input. That way, when he was ready, he could talk to Donna about it without sounding like the relationship dumb kiss he'd so often been in the past.

Of course, most people he knew were as screwed up about relationships as he was. Toby, CJ and Leo were the poster children for what not to do in relationships and even though Sam was apparently doing well with Ainsley, before that he hadn't been any better than the rest of them. About the only other people he could think of that had successful marriages were his mother and President and Mrs. Bartlet. 

Asking his mother would just be suicidal at this point. Aside from the embarrassment factor, once he said anything about having feelings for Donna, she'd probably be too busy picking out names for her grandchildren to give him much advice.

And as much as he admired and respected the president, he had no intention of going to him or the first lady for advice on his love life. Talk about never living something down. 

Consequently, he was left with very few options. In fact, there was only one viable one left.

Walking back to living room, Josh picked up his cell phone and put his coat on. Shoving his feet into some dry shoes, he grabbed the keys to the new car and went downstairs. Climbing into the freezing car, he started the engine and turned the heater to high. 

He flipped open the phone and dialed a familiar, but seldom used phone number.

“Hey, it’s me,” he greeted when the person on the other picked up. “Do you have a minute? I need to talk to you about something.”

**********  
Chapter 24

“Josh, has anyone ever told you that you have the weirdest conversational style?" the person on the other end of the phone commented. "I haven’t talked to you since I met with your...friend over a year ago..." he said referring to his meetings with the president. "...and by way of greeting I get ‘hey it’s me' as if we talked five minutes ago and I should have been expecting your call.”

"Sorry about that, Stanley," Josh said with a chuckle. "So how did you know it was me?"

"Mostly because you’re the only one who ever calls me and says something like that," Stanley Keyworth replied. "Plus I’m good with voices."

Josh could hear the buzz of children and family in the background, it was a sound he was beginning to know well. “Did I get you at home?”

“Yeah, barring any emergency, I'm taking some time off for the holidays this week," Stanley explained. 

"Well, I’m sorry to cut into your family time, but I need your help with something."

"So you said," Stanley replied. "Hang on a second."

Josh heard him walking, then the sound of a door closing, and the background noise ceased. "Okay, I just went in my office so we'd have some privacy." There was a creaking sound as Josh assumed he sat down at his desk. "Now, what can I do for you?"

"Well, I had sort of an...epiphany and I need your advice about it."

"By epiphany do you mean, 'I hear God and I am the wrath of Judah' or 'hmmm, I think I’ll have eggs for breakfast'?" 

"No, more like, I’m in love with Donna," he said plunging right in.

There was a little pause on Stanley's end. "Oh, that kind of epiphany.”

"Yeah."

"This is 'Donna' as in Donna Moss, your assistant, right?" Stanley asked.

Donna was so much more to him than just his assistant, but he didn't want to go into that right then. "Who else would it be?"

"Just making sure."

"So what should I do about it?" Josh prompted.

"Josh, I'm a traumatologist, not Dr. Phil."

"Come on Stanley, give me something here," Josh pleaded. "This is important and I need to talk to someone that isn’t going to give me screwed up information in the relationship department."

"Well, that's a ringing endorsement of my psycho-analytical talents if I ever heard one," Stanley commented.

"Stanley..." Josh whined.

"Okay, okay, I'm probably stating the obvious here, but have you tried telling her?"

Josh frowned a little. "Telling her what?"

"Oh, I don’t know, that you have a fear of rectangles...come on Josh," he said in exasperation. "Tell her that you’re in love with her. Women generally like it when the men they love, love them back and tell them so."

"I suppose you have a point there, but...wait...she loves me?" he asked in surprise. "How do you know?"

"Because I’m an observant guy, Josh."

"Seriously Stanley, are you sure?"

Stanley sighed. "Josh, do you remember me telling you that I’d diagnosed you in five minutes?"

"Yeah," he said not knowing where Stanley was going.

"As you already know, before you and I met at Christmas I spent time with pretty much everyone you work with to get some background on you."

"Right, I know," Josh said. "So what?"

"So...while it took me five minutes to diagnose you, it only took me two minutes to diagnose Donna with being in love with you."

An odd relief flooded through Josh. "You've known since then?! Why didn’t you tell me?!"

"Because back then you were in the middle of having a PTSD episode, Josh. Not the best time to spring something like that on you," Stanley pointed out. "Besides, you weren’t ready to hear it and you would have pushed her away harder and faster than you already were," Stanley said. "Plus you had to figure it out for yourself. Although I gotta say, it sure took you long enough. I gave you six months and by my clock we’re at three years."

Josh scrubbed a hand over his face. "Well, what can I say, I’m a little slow."

"Seriously Josh, talk to her," Stanley advised. "Tell her how you feel. I think you'll be pleased by her reaction."

The fact that Sam had said something similar to him the night of the car accident and then again on the day he'd showed him the salvaged Christmas tree, was not lost on Josh. 

"Yeah, I think you're right," Josh agreed. "Now all I need is a plan."

Stanley sighed. "No, Josh, you don't need a plan. Just tell her how you feel. Don't make it harder than it needs to be." 

"But I want to get this perfect," Josh told him.

"It doesn't need to be perfect," Stanley advised. "It just needs to be said."

"I know, I know and I'll say it," Josh insisted. 

"You're formulating a plan anyway, aren't you?" Stanley guessed.

"No, I'm not..." Josh insisted. "...okay, I might be."

"I give up Josh,” he relented. “Just try and keep it simple, okay?”

“I’m more of a do-it-up-big kind of guy,” Josh said.

Stanley let out another long-suffering sigh. “You know Josh, if you keep asking for my advice and not taking it, I’m going to start charging you for my time.”

“Who says I’m not taking it?” Josh protested. “You said to tell her and I’m going to tell her.”

“Well, I guess that’s something,” Stanley said. “Just promise me you won’t take too long to do it.”

“I won’t,” he promised. He was about ready to wrap up the call when something else occurred to him. “Uh, Stanley, can I ask you about one other thing?”

“Sure, why not?” Stanley replied with a chuckle.

“What kind of father do you think I’ll make?”

There was dead silence from the other end of the phone.

“Stanley?” Josh prompted. “You still there?”

“Yes, I’m still here,” Stanley said before he paused again. “Josh? Did you leave something out of our earlier discussion?”

Josh frowned. “No, I don’t think so. Like what?”

“Like you and Donna have already been having a very non-boss-assistant relationship?”

“What do you mean?” he said honestly clueless.

“I mean impending fatherhood, Josh!” Stanley exclaimed. “Is Donna pregnant?”

“What?!” Josh squeaked. “No, of course not.”

“So you’re just asking about fatherhood in an abstract sense?”

Now it was Josh’s turn to sigh. “No, not exactly.”

“Okay, Josh, why don’t you back up a second and tell me what child we’re talking about you being a father to.”

“It’s kind of a long story,” Josh confessed.

“Then how about trying for the Reader’s Digest condensed version?” Stanley suggested.

“Fine,” Josh said letting out a breath. “It started in early November when I got a call from an old friend of my father's, who is also an attorney at his old firm...”

Josh went on to tell him how Jake and Hannah had come to live with him and how Donna ended up moving in. He also told him about Jake running away, Hannah’s emotional issues, and the recent car accident.

“Well, Josh, I gotta say that’s quite a story you’ve got there,” Stanley said when Josh had finished.

“I know, and now, after this thing with Donna, I think I’d like to try and adopt the kids.”

“Hence the question about fatherhood,” Stanley finished.

“Right.”

“Okay, let me ask you this...why do you want to adopt the kids?”

Honestly, Josh wasn’t quite sure how to answer him. “I guess...well, that is...because they need a home and I want to give them one.”

“Good, what else?”

“Isn’t that enough?” he asked Stanley.

“If you want to be a foster parent that’s enough, but to be a permanent parent you really should have a little more. Think hard. Is there any other reason you want to adopt them?”

“It would make Donna happy,” he said.

“Okay, something that’s not about Donna or the kids. Why does Josh Lyman want to adopt two kids he’d never seen before six weeks ago?”

Josh squirmed a bit in the front seat of the car. “Well...I suppose they've grown on me. I didn’t think they would. Actually I thought I’d find them as annoying as hell, but I like having them around.”

“All right, that’s good too. Anything else?” he said in a voice that clearly said there was.

Josh felt like he was failing a really important test. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Stanley.”

“You’re going to make me pull it out of you like a splinter aren’t you?” Stanley said with a sigh. “Do you think that it’s possible you’ve come to love them?”

Josh gripped the steering wheel with his free hand and dug his thumbnail into it a little nervously as he considered Stanley’s question. “Yeah, I think I have...” He paused. “I know I have,” he added quietly.

"And you’re not doing it as some sort of debt to your father or your supposed half brother?"

Josh thought about that too. "Well, maybe in the beginning, but now...no. That's not it."

"Good, then in my professional opinion in a non-professional capacity, your heart’s in the right place so I think you'll do fine." He paused. "And I'm sure Donna will keep you in line."

Josh laughed. "Yeah, I'm sure she will. It's one of many things she excels at."

"Speaking of Donna, you do know that kids will cut into your love life with her, right?"

Actually, he hadn't thought about that. "They will?"

"Oh, yeah, it's pretty tough to have sex in on the kitchen floor with two kids in the house."

The image of him and Donna naked on the kitchen floor suddenly filled his brain. Now that he didn’t have to suppress the urge to see her that way, he was pretty sure it was going to become his favorite past time. 

Josh shook himself enough to answer. "It...ah...is?"

Stanley chuckled. "Get your mind out of the gutter, Josh, I was just using that as an example."

Josh tried to shake himself and the he tucked the image of him and Donna away to review later. "Well, I'm sure we'll find a way to work around that."

"Given the time that you and Donna have waited to be together, I have no doubt of that, Josh. None at all," Stanley told him. "Good luck."

Josh felt a little better. Like he was at least on the right track. "Thanks for all the advice, Stanley. I owe you one."

"Nah, you don't owe me anything, Josh," Stanley said seriously. "Just tell her...tell her soon."

**********

"So are we gonna do good cop, bad cop or what?" Sam asked as they stood outside the Roosevelt Room and watched their visitor as she sat alone at the conference table.

Josh looked over at him with a frown. "Sam, what?"

"How do you want to handle this meeting? I thought maybe you'd want to be good cop and I could be bad cop."

“Sam, you're about as bad cop as Bambi," Josh observed.

Sam looked offended. "I could be bad cop if I want to."

"Well, given what our visitor's done, if ANYONE is going to be bad cop, it's going to be me," Josh insisted. 

"That's just my point. Aren’t you too close to it?"

"And that's just MY point. I’m too close to it to play good cop. I just hoping I don't start yelling. As I recall, the good cop doesn't do a lot of yelling."

"Fair point," Sam agreed.

"Besides, since you'll be dealing with her now, I think a little good will on your part is called for."

"Remind me again why I agreed to be the one to deal with her?"

"Because you're my friend and you like Donna."

"Oh, right. I just hope I can keep telling myself that when she does something to give me a splitting headache."

"I have faith in you, Sam. Besides, if she gives you too much trouble, I think Ainsley can take her, so you're good," Josh said. "Now can we stop talking like some bad crime drama and go do this?" Josh asked. "I'd like to get it over with and head for home."

"Okay, but you go into the lion's den first."

"Chicken," Josh said as he opened the door.

"And proud of it," Sam muttered as they walked in.

"Hey, guys," Amy greeted them with a grin. "How's it going?"

"Hey Amy," they both greeted her as they sat down across from her at the table.

If Amy was suspicious or concerned they had seated themselves so it looked like opposing generals over a battlefield, she didn't show it.

"So, Josh, you were pretty vague on the phone. To what do I owe the honor of a summons to the White House and the personal treatment of Bartlet's best and brightest?" she asked them. 

Josh was in no mood to mince words with her. After what Donna had told him in the hospital, he was ready to cut this cord. The quicker the better.

"Amy, we've all got other things to do, so I'll get right to the point."

"Okay," she said cautiously when she realized this was not going to be the friendliest of meetings.

"As of this moment, anything you have to discuss with the White House will go through Sam."

For a second, Amy looked surprised. "Why? Did Leo take you off point on the Education Bill?"

"No."

"Then why are...?"

Josh didn't let her finish. "Because that's my decision. I feel that our previous personal relationship will get in the way of our professional one and it will be better for all concerned if we don't work together on the Education bill or anything else. Consequently, Sam has agreed to step up and represent the White House in all our meetings and communications with Senator Hammond."

Amy sat there for a long moment without saying anything. It was rare to see her speechless and Josh didn't feel obliged to give her time to think up a new argument or scheme.

"Now if you'll excuse me," Josh said as he and Sam got to their feet. "I've got somewhere to be." The two of them started around the table. They were almost to the door when Amy finally spoke.

"So I guess my little talk with Donna worked," she said with a smirk in her voice.

Josh stopped so fast, Sam just about ran into him. Slowly, Josh turned to look at her.

"What are you talking about?" Josh asked in a voice that was tipped with razor wire. 

"That's what all this is about, right?" When Josh didn't answer her and only stood there fuming, Amy looked a little unsure for a moment. "Didn't she tell you about our talk at the diner?"

"As a matter of fact, she did, Amy," Josh growled as he let loose some of his anger. "What the hell were you thinking?! How could you tell her all that crap?" 

Amy just shrugged. "I fed her that line at the diner about you needing a mom for the kids and then intimated I might be a candidate because I knew it would make her jealous. I already knew how she felt about you, but I hoped with the kid thing thrown in it would be enough to push her over the edge and you two would finally talk about this...whatever you've had going on." 

"Oh, it pushed her over the edge all right!" Josh yelled. "It almost made her leave me because she thought you and I were getting back together!!!"

Sam thought he saw the glass in the doors actually vibrate from the volume of Josh's voice. 

Amy seemed unfazed by his yelling. "I didn't say that the idea was fool-proof, Josh. But look, I knew you'd never let her leave," she said with a little laugh. "I'm guessing you worked things out with her and it's all fine, so what does it matter?"

Josh was so angry, he was surprised the top of his head didn't just blow off. His voice was deadly quiet when he spoke. 

"It matters, because first of all, the state of my relationship with Donna is none of your God-damn business. Second of all, it was careless and thoughtless, and you managed to hurt both Donna and my kids. As you well know, I protect what I care about and thankfully you are someone that no longer falls into that category."

Sam could have sworn a thin flash of hurt went through Amy's eyes before they went flat again. 

"So here's what's going to happen," Josh said. "As I said, when and if it's necessary to work with the White House, you're going to work with Sam. When that happens, you're going to play nice and not give him any of your crap. As for me and mine, we don't exist to you. I don't take your calls or your meetings or hell, even know your name. When it comes to Donna and the kids, you don't see them, talk to them, call them on the phone, or send them smoke signals. If you see them on the street, you're going to cross to the other side."

"But Josh..."

"And if I see you trying to use anything you know about Donna and me and the kids in ANY way, I swear to you right now, I will do everything in my considerable power to break you into tiny little pieces that I will then mail back to whatever rock you crawled out from under."

"Josh, you're over..." 

He cut her off. "Is any part of what I've just said unclear to you?" he said in the same calm, but deadly voice.

"No, but..."

"Good, then we're done here." With that, Josh shoved open one of the doors and stormed out.

"He'll calm down, he can't stay mad like that forever," Amy told Sam, but not very convincingly.

"Not this time, Amy, and not about this. You messed with Donna, he won't forget or forgive that. I suggest you take it to heart and forget that he and Donna ever existed." He paused for a second. "On a personal note, the thing he said about breaking you into little pieces goes for me too. In fact, if you try to hurt him and Donna over this, there are any number of people in this building who will line up to help us. You'd do well to keep that in mind."

Following Josh's earlier exit, Sam calmly opened the door Josh had nearly crashed through a moment before and walked out leaving a stunned Amy sitting in his wake.

**********  
"That was an incredible meal, Donna. I'm stuffed," Josh said as he laid his napkin down and pushed his plate back a bit. "You know, for a holiday I haven't really celebrated much in the past, this one turned out pretty great."

Donna glowed under the compliment. "The lamb wasn't over cooked was it?"

"No, it was perfect." 

Donna smiled as she looked over at the kids. Jake was on the couch reading one of the many books they'd gotten him. Hannah was sitting on the floor near the Christmas tree they'd finally decorated, playing with a doll they'd gotten for her. Both of them were wearing new clothes that were also Christmas presents. 

"Actually it's been a pretty perfect Christmas all the way around, I feel great and the kids loved their presents," she said as she laid her hand on his. "And so did I, Josh, thank you again for the pashmina. It's gorgeous."

"Well, I was a little worried about the color, but the sales lady said it was in style and I know you wear pink a lot," he commented. "Plus you can exchange it if you like."

"I wouldn't dream of returning it. I love it. I even have a formal dress I can wear it with." 

"Good, and thank you for the new backpack," he said, referring to the present she'd gotten him. "My other one was getting a little raggedy."

"We can't have that now, can we?" She said with a smile that faded a little as she glanced out the dining room window. "Wow, it's still coming down."

Josh followed her gaze. "It sure is. I'm glad we don't have to be out in it."

The Moss-Lyman household had woken up Christmas morning to find DC under a blanket of snow and it was supposed to keep snowing until sometime that evening. 

"That's for sure," she commented as she looked back at him. "You know, Josh, I'm sorry we didn't get to do Hanukkah this year. With the car accident, Hanukkah coming so close to Christmas this year and everything else that's been going on, we just seemed to run out of time."

He shrugged. "It's okay. Since the kids weren't raised Jewish, it's not like they're going to miss anything."

She watched him for a moment. "I guess not, I just thought maybe you'd be disappointed because you didn't get to share some of the traditions from your Jewish heritage with them."

"Nah, there's always next year."

She didn't see any hint that he was hiding any kind of disappointment or resentment about it, so she let it drop. Eyeing the remnants of dinner, she sighed as she stood up. 

"Well, unless you've got some elves stashed somewhere who can do them for me, I guess I should get started on these dishes."

"Here let me help you," Josh said, picking up some dishes and following her into the kitchen.

"YOU want to help ME with the dishes? Are you sure you're feeling all right?" she teased.

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?" he said with a shrug.

It was weird, but not unheard of for him to help her with the more 'domestic' duties around the house so she didn't question it. After they'd loaded the dishwasher with as much as it could hold, Donna filled the sink with hot soapy water. Falling into an amicable silence, she washed while he dried and put things away.

A couple of times she caught him looking at her oddly. He had a little smile on his face and a little twinkle in his eye. It was the same look he'd been giving her on and off the last couple of days. Almost like he knew something she didn't and he couldn't wait to tell her about it. So far she hadn't said anything to him about it and she had just chalked it up to him giving her the Christmas present he'd gotten her, but they'd obviously passed that point and he was still doing it.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she finally asked. "Do I have soap in my hair or something?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said innocently. "This is how I always look at you."

She really didn't think it was, but she had to admit that she kind of liked when he looked at her like that so she decided not to do anything to upset the proverbial apple cart. "Okay, if you say so." 

"Hey, I was thinking. How about after we finish these dishes we all do something together."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. What do families do? Maybe we can play a game."

She cocked her head at him and grinned. "Josh, just how many games do you have in the apartment that a 5 and 8 year old can play?" 

"Well, now that you mention it, none," he commented. "Hey, I know, let's watch a movie. I think I've even got some Christmas ones around here somewhere."

She was glad he was making such an effort, without even being prompted, where the kids were concerned. "I think that's a great idea," she said with a grin.

In the end, it wasn't a Christmas movie they watched at all. Oddly enough, both the kids picked "The Sound of Music." 

When Josh asked them why they wanted that one, Jake quietly told them it had been their mother's favorite movie. 

It had been all Donna could do not to start crying when she heard that. It was so sweet of them to remember such a tiny detail about their mother.

With the movie chosen, they all sat down on the sofa to watch. The kids were between them on the couch, but part way through the movie, Donna felt Josh's hand come to rest on her shoulder. Turning, she looked to see if he wanted something, and found him staring at her with that look again. With a smile, he went back to staring determinedly at the TV. Since his was resting casually across the back of the couch, Donna just chalked it up to him just trying to be comfortable.

Donna had forgotten just how much she liked the movie and she couldn't help but sigh at the part where Captain Von Trapp admits to Maria how much he cares for her. She also couldn't help but see some of the parallels between that story and her and Josh, especially now that Jake and Hannah were part of their lives. With Josh posing as Captain Von Trapp, Donna couldn't help but take a moment to put herself in Maria's place.

And when the end of the movie came and they all hiked over that mountain into Switzerland, she wished life could always be so neat and tidy and happily ever after.

Looking at the clock, she saw how late it was. "Okay, guys, I think it's time for bed."

"But Aunt Donna..." Hannah began, clearly planning to argue. A huge yawn snuffed out any further words of protest. "Can I sleep with Bentley AND my new doll?" she asked instead.

"Of course you can, Pixie."

"You guys want me to read you a story tonight?" Josh asked.

Jake was picking up the books he'd gotten for Christmas. "Can you read one of my new ones?"

"Sure, I think that can be arranged," he said with a grin. "You guys get ready and I'll be in there in just a minute."

**********  
As he watched Donna and the kids troop into the bedroom, Josh felt a frisson of anticipation playing in his stomach. As soon as both kids were in bed and theoretically asleep, he planned to pour him and Donna a glass of wine and put the main part of his plan into effect. 

Sliding his hand into his pocket he gripped the ring box there for a moment. The ring was beautiful and he couldn't wait to see the look on her face when he gave it to her. It really had been a great day and the evening promised to be even better. Everything was going perfectly.

Heaving himself off the couch, he headed for the bedroom. Donna was just coming out when he got there. "Are they all ready?"

"Pretty much," Donna reported. "Hannah wants a drink of water first, but then I think she'll be ready to settle down."

"'kay, I'll wait to start their story until you get back with the water," he said.

"Okay, it might take me a few minutes. I need to run to the bathroom first and Jake was still brushing his teeth in there, so I'll go use the other one. Then I'll bring the water in."

The logistics worked out, they nodded to each other and Josh watched her walk away. And Lord, did she know how to walk. Now that he took the time to watch her, he noticed that even the baggy flannel pants and a thermal shirt she was wearing couldn't hide the slight sway to her hips as she walked. 

Well, there was going to be time for that later on, right now he needed to keep the kids occupied until she got back. Stepping into the bedroom, he saw Jake had finished brushing his teeth and he and Hannah were sitting on Hannah's bottom bunk. They looked deep in conversation and Josh cleared his throat to let them know he was there.

"So did you guys have fun today?" he asked.

Jake and Hannah exchanged an enigmatic look. "Uncle Josh, can we ask you something?"

With a frown, Josh walked a little farther into the room. "Of course you can. What is it?"

"I was just...WE were just..." his voice trailed off as he looked at Hannah again.

Obviously, the two of them had something on their minds. "What's wrong, you guys?"

It took him a minute, but Jake finally spoke. "Did Aunt Donna tell you about our Christmas wish?"

In the excitement and activity of the last couple of days, Josh actually had forgotten all about it. "Yes, Jake, she told me about it when she was in the hospital."

Jake and Hannah both looked unsure. "Did you...did you think about it?"

It was funny how talking to them about this kind of thing was so much easier now that he'd resolved his feelings for Donna. "Yes, and I think it's great that you both want to stay here so much."

"Did you decide if...if we...if we can stay?" he asked.

Josh hesitated to tell them the truth. Hesitated to tell them that he'd already decided to keep them and just hadn't told them or the ACS about it until after he talked to Donna.

But something in Jake's voice and Hannah's eyes pulled at him. There had been a slight tremble in Jake's voice and there was look of fear in Hannah's eyes as if they knew time was running out. It occurred to Josh then, just how hard it must be for them to not know where they'd be living in a couple weeks. Even for an adult that would be a little unsettling, but he imagined for a child it would be terrifying.

Since he'd planned, among other things, to talk to Donna about the kids tonight, he didn't see what it could hurt to tell them now.

"Yes, I have thought about it. I've thought very carefully about it. And if you and Hannah are happy staying here with me and Donna, then I think you should stay. In fact, I was kind of hoping...if you and Hannah are okay with it, I'd like to see if Aunt Donna and I can adopt you." 

Josh could almost see the relief and a simple...joy, wash over both of them. It was the kid version of how someone might look if they'd just won the lottery, the Super Bowl, and the World Series all rolled into one.

Without a word, they launched themselves at Josh and threw their arms around his neck.

Putting his arms around them. "Hey, does this mean you're happy?"

"Yes," Jake said, not relinquishing his hold on Josh's neck. "Thank you, Uncle Josh. Hannah and I will be good, I promise."

Josh gave a little laugh. "I don't expect you to be good all the time or perfect, just be yourselves," Josh told him. "Now, both of you sit down a minute, there's a favor I need to ask you to do for me."

They finally loosened their hold on Josh and sat back down on the bed. "What do you want us to do?"

"Well, this is going to sound a little strange, but I need you to promise that you won't tell Donna what I said." 

Jake frowned. "Why not?"

"Just trust me, it will be better this way. Do you think you can do that for me?"

"I guess, so," Jake said. 

"Hannah?" She nodded her agreement too. "Good, and don't worry, it's just for now." 

**********

Standing in the bedroom doorway, Donna couldn't believe what she was hearing. She hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but making her presence known was the last thing she wanted to do. Josh's back was to the doorway and he was blocking the kid's view of the door so they didn't realize she was there. 

He'd decided to keep the kids and he was telling them and yet he hadn't said a word to her about it? 

Instantly, Donna felt two emotions pulling at her. On the one hand, she was glad that Josh had made a decision and that the kids would have a good home, but on the other she was bitterly disappointed that he hadn't chosen to talk to her about it. 

It wasn't that she wanted him to send the kids packing. Just the opposite in fact. But couldn't he have at least involved her in the process? Hadn't they started down this road together? Didn't he realize how having them there permanently would affect her? Didn't he see how much time and effort she put in taking care of him and the kids everyday? 

Just when she thought things couldn't get any worse, she heard Josh instruct them NOT to tell her about it either.

"Just trust me, it will be better this way..." she heard him say.

Just as Donna had felt with her concussion when she got up too fast, the world seemed to dip wildly under her. Her cheeks were burning, she was sure of that. She felt so foolish. When they'd talked at the hospital and gotten so many things out into the open, she thought they were on the right track to being honest with each other. But this was...she didn't even know how to describe it but it felt an awful lot like betrayal.

Don't tell her? Why would he not only keep her out of this loop with his decision, but also involve the kids in deceiving her about it? 

Could that have been the weird look he'd been giving her for the last couple of days? He wanted to tell her, but for some reason he couldn't or didn't want to?

Donna felt the dinner in her stomach lurch dangerously and swallowing hard, she had to force herself to keep it down. 

CJ's words from Thanksgiving started echoing through her head until the most painful phrases were overlapping each other and almost deafening.

...doesn't it make you feel like Josh's indentured servant?

...I don’t want Josh to take advantage of you.

...it’s hard not to notice that he’s got you doing double duty as his assistant and his...nanny.

...I just don’t want you to wake up one day and realize you’ve wasted your life catering to Josh because you hoped he was going to do or feel something that you wanted him to and in the end he let you down. You deserve a life of your own.

It would seem that CJ had been right about a lot of things after all. 

The first finger of anger, wove its way through her. Then an odd, almost icy calm seemed to settle over her. There was no use blaming the kids, they were innocent, but clearly, the time had come to talk to Josh.

Luckily, she was only wearing her socks so her steps made almost no sound as she took a few steps back from the kids' room. Then she made as much noise as possible as she walked back up to it so they would know she was there.

"Here's your water, Hannah," she said brightly as if she'd only just appeared in the doorway. "Jake, you better get into bed so Josh can start his story."

Still grinning happily and blissfully unaware that things had just taken an ugly turn, Jake climbed into his bunk as Hannah drank her water and Josh moved to the desk chair where he would sit and read to them. Donna could feel Josh's eyes watching her, but she stared determinedly at Hannah.

"Okay, now get under the covers and you guys enjoy your story." She gave Hannah a goodnight kiss and smoothed some hair away from Jake's face. "Sleep well."

"Merry Christmas, Aunt Donna," Hannah whispered.

Donna felt like part of her heart was breaking as she managed a weak smile. "Merry Christmas, Pixie."

With that, Donna walked out of the bedroom on surprisingly shaky legs and went into the kitchen. Although she and Josh had washed most of the dishes, there were still two pots that she'd left soaking in the sink. While she waited for Josh to finish the story, she attacked them with fervor.

Closing the bedroom door behind him, he emerged just as she was drying the last one and he came into the kitchen. 

"Hey," he greeted her.

"Hey," she managed as she watched him take out two glasses and a bottle of chilled white wine out of the fridge and set them on the counter. 

"What are you looking for?" she heard herself say when she saw he was digging through the drawers for something.

"A corkscrew. I thought we might have a glass of wine."

Even though she had no desire for wine at all, her body seemed to move of its own accord as she walked over to a drawer near the fridge and pulled out a corkscrew. Laying it on the counter, she took a step back.

"Oh, thanks. I guess I should have just asked you first," he chuckled as he picked it up and started to open the wine.

Given what she was feeling, the ironic nature of his statement was like a knife in her heart.

"Josh, what's going on?" she said quietly.

"What do you mean?" 

"Just what I said," Donna replied with a flat calm. "I want to know what's going on."

"Nothing," he said with a shrug that tried to look innocent and failed miserably.

"You're lying," she said point blank.

With exaggerated care, he set the corkscrew down. "Why would you say that?"

"Because it's true," she replied quietly.

"What brought this on?" he asked evasively.

There didn't seem to be much point in not telling him, in fact, she was curious as to what his reaction would be.

"I just overheard the most interesting conversation between you and the kids."

At that exact moment, if you'd looked up the term 'deer-in-the-headlights' in the dictionary, a picture of Josh would have been shown under it. Clearly, she'd taken him off guard and he didn't appear to know how to react.

"Oh?" he said cautiously.

When she spoke, the tone and volume of her voice still retained the same calm she'd had all along. "Yeah, you were saying the kids could stay permanently and you wanted us to adopt them and that they shouldn't tell me because you didn't want me to know." 

There was a very long, very ugly silence that stretched between them. During that time, the only movement either of them made was Josh's mouth opening and closing as if he kept planning to say something, but no words came out. 

"Josh...?" she prompted waiting for a response.

He managed a weak, humorless laugh. "You know, it's not really polite to eavesdrop."

The knife in her heart twisted a quarter of a turn. "That's all you have to say to me?"

When he continued to stare at her without comment, she couldn't take the mocking silence anymore and she had to get away from it. Away from him. Turning on her heel, she started to walk out of the kitchen.

Josh grabbed her arm. "No, Donna, wait."

A flash of anger cracked the iciness she was feeling and she ripped her arm out of his hand. "Don't touch me."

Josh held his hands up in apology. "I'm sorry. I just..."

Although she still hadn't raised her voice, there was now heat in her words when she spoke. "So what was it, Josh?"

He frowned. "What was what?"

"Your thought process here. I'm just trying to figure it out."

"I don't know what..."

She decided to answer her own question. "Well, Josh, I know exactly what you were thinking. Stupid, naive little Donna. Just keep throwing her scraps and making her promises and pretty soon she'll be so in love with Jake and Hannah she won't be able to leave and she'll do whatever you want."

Stunned, Josh stared at her. "I don't think that. I would never think that."

"Well, maybe I would," she said quietly. "After all we talked about in the hospital, I thought things were going to be different. I BELIEVED they would be different."

"They are different..." he insisted.

"How?" she asked with a little disbelieving laugh. "You still didn't see fit to tell me your decision about the kids. I had to hear it second hand because you didn't want me to know."

"I know, and I never meant for that to happen," he told her. "I was going to tell you tonight."

"And after adopting them, did you also plan on taking care of them yourself?"

He blinked in confusion. "No, of course not."

"You thought I would help you, right?"

"Right," he agreed.

"After all, in the hospital you said that I was the only mom you'd ever want for the kids, right?"

"Yes, exactly," Josh said looking a little relieved, as if what she'd said had somehow fixed something in his mind.

"Then why didn't you even think to consult me about adopting them?" she asked. "I mean, I know in the eyes of the law, it's ultimately your decision, but shouldn't I have a say? Do you know what a big commitment it is for me to take care of you and the kids? Who’s going to take the kids to the doctor and cook and clean for them? You can take care of yourself usually but they’re not exactly low maintenance. Doesn't that entitle me to have some kind of input?"

Josh frowned at her. "Don't you want them to stay?"

Donna smacked herself in the forehead. "God, Josh. Of course, I want them to stay. I love them, I'd love to give them a home." She let out a long breath. "Don't you see, Josh, if you die, God forbid, I’m nothing to those kids, not legally. If something happens to you I have no legal rights to them and they’ll go right back into the system and be right back where they were six months ago." She paused. “But if I die, all you have to do is get a new nanny.”

"Donna! You have to know that you’re so much more to the kids and me than just a nanny."

For some reason, that didn't make her feel any better. In fact, it just seemed to make her anger grow. “Oh, that’s right, I’m your assistant too, aren’t I? Well, don’t I just do it all?” she said her voice dripping with sarcasm.

“It’s not like that Donna! Don’t you get it? You’re….” 

“What, Josh? Just what the hell am I to you?” she demanded. In her mind, everything seemed to hinge on his answer to this one question.

“You’re…you’re…Maria Von Trapp!” he exclaimed waving his hand toward the living room and the darkened TV where they'd watched "The Sound of Music."

Donna seriously doubted she could have felt more pain if he’d simply punched her. So he really did see her in the role of governess...nanny...whatever. 

“Well, it’s good to finally know what you think of me,” she said quietly.

Josh seemed to realize that his answer had only made things worse. “Wait, that didn’t come out quite like I planned. Let me explain, Donna.”

She didn't think she could take any more explaining. “I think you’ve already said quite enough.” Slowly, deliberately, she walked out of the kitchen and over to the front door. There she silently picked up her purse and her coat.

“No, wait,” Josh said standing the kitchen doorway. Panic was written all over his face as he saw her getting ready to leave. “Please, don't go." 

He started to run over to her, but he didn't see the toy truck Jake had left on the floor beside the couch. Josh tripped over it and landed flat on his face.

Donna watched him long enough to know he hadn't suffered any serious damage. Then, feeling like she was ripping her own heart out, she opened the front door.

"Take care of the kids, Josh," she told him. "They love you more than you know."

“Wait. Donna," he called desperately from his prone position on the floor. "Where are you going?”

“Back to the convent,” she said softly.

Turning, she forced her feet to move, one in front of the other to take her downstairs as quickly as they would carry her without tripping on the stairs. Pushing open the door, she walked out into the brisk, snow laden air. The crushing weight of what had just happened bore down on her and she found it surprisingly hard to breathe. 

There was also the fact that she had no idea where she was going. Her old apartment was the first place he’d look for her. Other than that, she really had nowhere else to go.

How had her life come to this?

**********  
By the time, Josh had scrambled up and limped downstairs, he saw Donna getting into a cab that pulled quickly away from the curb before he could stop it. 

His heart sank as he watched the taillights carrying her away from him. So much for his brilliant plan. This was all his fault. 

As he stood there in the snow, he was left with three questions.

First, how the hell did she get a cab so fast on Christmas, at this time of night and with snow falling like there was no tomorrow? 

Second, where the hell was she going? He needed to find her and talk to her. Where would she go? He’d start with her old apartment, but if she wasn’t there he didn’t know where else to look. 

And third and most importantly, he had to figure out how the hell to fix this mess, because there was no way he was letting her go. 

**********  
Chapter 25

“Have you heard anything yet?” Josh asked as he stopped in the doorway of CJ's office late the next morning.

“No,” she told him. “I just hung up with Carol and none of the assistants have heard from her. 

“Dammit!” Josh yelled in frustration as he slammed his hand against the doorframe. “Where the hell can she be?!”

CJ watched him for a minute. “Did you get any sleep at all last night?”

“No, CJ, I didn’t!” he said pacing through her office. “I was too busy calling everyone in DC, including the police, and every morgue and hospital from here to Baltimore trying to find her! I even called Mike Casper to see if he could dig up some clue as to where she’d gone. But even he couldn't find anything!”

“Josh...”

“And the worst part is I couldn’t even get out there and look for her myself because I couldn’t leave the kids!”

“Who’s with them now?”

“Ainsley,” he said trying to get a grip on his temper. “I tried getting a hold of her and Sam last night but neither of them were answering their phones so I was stuck at home all night,” he explained. “I finally got a hold of her this morning and after a lot of begging, she agreed to watch the kids until I find Donna.”

“Neither of them were answering their phones?" CJ commented. "That's weird. Did Ainsley tell you why they weren’t answering?” 

“Yeah, they’d decided to have a romantic night or something for Christmas and they turned their cell phones off.” 

He tried not to feel bitter and angry about the fact that Sam and Ainsley’s romantic evening could and should have been how he and Donna spent the night.

“So they haven’t heard from Donna either?” CJ asked next.

“Ainsley said she hadn’t. I’m still trying to track down Sam in case he knows something, but Ainsley didn’t think he did.”

“And you’ve already checked her old apartment?”

He continued to pace like a caged animal. “Yes, it was the first place I looked this morning. There was no sign that she’d been there.”

CJ watched him pace for a moment before sticking her head in the proverbial lion’s mouth. “Josh, if she doesn’t want to be found, maybe...” 

“I know, I know,” Josh said. “But...” Something hard clutched in his chest. “I keep seeing her in a ditch somewhere or sitting on some bench frozen to death and covered in snow. I have to find her...I have to explain.”

She nodded. “So when you woke me up at midnight you didn’t want to talk about it, but are you ready to tell me what happened last night?” CJ asked.

“No, I don’t want to go into it right now,” he told her as he continued to pace. “I still can’t believe she didn’t come to you. She respects you a lot and I thought for sure she’d play the sisterhood card and show up on your doorstep.”

CJ sat still for a moment. “Yeah, I don’t think she would come to me,” she said quietly.

Josh heard a note of guilt and maybe regret in her voice. He stared hard at her for a moment and if CJ hadn’t been so practiced at remaining cool and calm under the prying eyes of the Press, he was sure she would have been squirming. Then he remembered Donna’s comment about not asking CJ for relationship advice.

“CJ, did something happen between...?” 

His voice trailed off as he saw a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye heading for Communications. A flash that he could have sworn was Sam.

“Hold that thought. I think I see Sam, I’m gonna go talk to him,” he said, already leaving her office. He completely missed the look of relief that crossed CJ's face before she got up and followed him.

He jogged down the hall, but when he got to Communications, he found it apparently deserted. Toby's office was open and empty and Sam's door was closed and although the lights in his office appeared to be on, the blinds covering the bullpen windows were closed. When Josh tried the knob, he found the door locked and his knock got no response. 

"Where's Sam?" CJ said from behind him.

"I don't know, I thought I saw him come this way," he dragged a hand through his hair. "I guess I'm more tired than I thought."

"Hmmm," CJ said staring at Sam's office.

"What?"

"It just occurred to me that when I was in here earlier talking to Toby, Sam's office door was open and the lights weren't on."

"Really?" Josh said with a frown. "He didn't answer my knock."

"Let's go look through Toby's window," CJ suggested.

The two of them walked into Toby's office and looked through the window mounted in the shared wall between the two offices. Sure enough, Sam was sitting at his desk apparently working on something.

"Sam!" Josh called knocking loudly on the glass.

Sam appeared to startle a bit at the sound. They saw him look over at them, but it was only a cursory glanced. With a distinctly dismissive look, he went back to working on whatever he was occupied with. However, this time he went so far as to turn away even further so that his back was them. Sam’s poker face was about as good as Josh’s and Josh began to get a weird feeling that Sam was deliberately avoiding him.

Which, of course, only made him yell louder.

"SAM!!!" Josh yelled, all put pounding on the window, but still not getting any kind of response or acknowledgement from Sam.

"Careful, Josh!" CJ hissed. "You're going to break the glass."

Heeding her warning but not giving up, Josh went back out to Sam's door and started pounding on it instead. If Sam knew something about Donna, Josh was going to find out what it was.

"Josh, would you calm down! You're making enough racket that the secret service is going to come running any minute," CJ yelled.

"I would if he'd just answer the damn door!" Josh yelled, probably more for Sam's benefit than CJ's. "SAM!!" 

"Is there a problem?" Toby said appearing next to CJ. 

"Sam's in his office with the door locked," CJ tried to explain.

"SAM!! Open the stupid door!" Josh continued to yell between poundings.

"Is he okay?" Toby said with a frown.

"Who? Sam or Josh?" CJ only half joked.

"Since it's obvious that Josh has already gone off the deep end, I was asking about Sam," Toby said.

Josh continued his barrage. "SAM!!!"

"He's probably deaf by now with Josh yelling like a banshee, but I think Sam's fine," she told him. "We saw him working at his desk."

"How hard do you think it would be to break down a door?" Josh asked. "They do it all the time on TV."

"You're NOT breaking down Sam's door," CJ told him.

"I'm going to if he doesn't talk to me."

Toby gave a little sigh. "There is another option."

"What's that?" Josh asked.

Toby reached into his pocket. "Use the key," he said holding up his keys.

Josh stepped out of they way and Toby moved to unlock the door.

"Why do you have a key to Sam's office?" CJ wanted to know.

"Because he’s locked himself out of his office three times since we've been here,” Toby explained as he slid the key in the lock. “After the last time I had Ron get me my own key."

With that, he pushed the door open and the three of them piled into Sam's office. Sam didn't even so much as acknowledge their presence as he continued to type something on his laptop.

"What the hell, Sam? Didn't you hear me pounding on your door?!" Josh demanded.

"Oh, was that you?" Sam said absently as he typed. "I thought it was a salesman or something, you know how pesky they can be."

Given the slightly sarcastic tone in his voice and the fact that he had yet to look at them, it was pretty evident to them that something was definitely up. Sensing something was coming, CJ closed the door to Sam’s office.

"Why was your door locked?" Toby finally asked. "Are you working for the NSA now or something?"

"I decided to do another pass on the State of the Union and was just trying to concentrate," Sam answered calmly, not looking up from his laptop.

“Sam, where’s Donna?” Josh cut in.

In a telltale move, Sam’s fingers paused on the keys, then he continued typing. “How should I know?”

Josh’s already borderline temper was quickly growing. It was pretty clear to him that Sam did know something. Even more maddeningly, if Sam noticed Josh’s darkening mood...or cared, he didn’t show it. 

“Sam,” CJ said, trying to be the peacemaker. “DO you know where Donna is?”

“I do,” he said curtly.

Josh felt an immense sense of relief. “Thank God. Where is she?”

Sam remained silent except for the clicking of the keys on his laptop as he continued to type.

“You have to tell me,” Josh pleaded.

“No, Josh, I really don’t.”

Josh was getting tired of doing this dance with him. “Sam, I’m in no mood for whatever game you’re playing...”

Sam’s head snapped up and for the first time they saw anger blazing his eyes. “YOU’RE in no mood...?” he snapped as he rose from his chair. “Well, Josh, I’ve got news for you I’M in no mood for your crap!”

Toby picked that moment to intervene. “Would you two idiots calm down, and stop acting like two teenage boys fighting over who gets to take the prom queen to the dance!” 

Josh and Sam were still standing there like two bulls waiting to charge, their angry breathing the only sound in the room for a long moment.

“Sam, tell him where Donna is,” Toby ordered.

“Toby, don’t start with me,” Sam said turning on Toby. “You may outrank me in this building, but you’re not going to order me around on this.”

"Sam, please," Josh said from behind him. His voice was quiet now...sad and pleading. "I have to talk to her. I know I screwed up...it was all my fault. I need to explain..."

"You need to explain?” Sam said with an angry laugh. “Well, then why don’t you explain it to ME? Explain to me why Donna showed up at my building in the middle of the night, in her PAJAMAS, crying so hard she couldn’t get out of the cab she was in? Explain to me why it took me and Ainsley two hours to calm her down enough for her to speak in coherent sentences?"

Josh felt his stomach drop. "She was crying?"

"Only in so much as you might say the Civil War was a minor fist fight, but yes, she was crying." Sam glared at him. "When you first talked to me about Donna moving in with you, do you remember when I told you to tread carefully?" 

"Yes," Josh said.

"For the record, this is NOT what I meant." Sam told him.

"Thanks for the newsflash, Sam. I already said I screwed up, what more do you want me to say?"

"Don't you get it? You have all the power and she has nothing. Nothing but her heart that she wears on her sleeve and you'd see that if you only opened your eyes."

"I did see it, Sam! And I was going to tell her that last night before everything went crazy."

“Crazy?” Sam said in disbelief. “Josh, you called her Maria Von Trapp! At best you called her a governess, at worst you called her a naïve nun!”

“You didn’t?!” CJ said adding her own disbelief to the pile. 

“According to her, that’s just what he did.”

“God, Josh, how could you?”

“No I didn’t!” he insisted. “I mean yes, I called her Maria Von Trapp, but I didn’t mean it the way everyone seems to think! We’d just watched The Sound of Music with the kids, she was upset and I panicked. She left before I could tell her what I really meant.”

Sam stared at him. “I think she’s done caring about what you did or didn’t mean.”

“I’ve got try, Sam. Help me out here and tell me where she is.”

“Josh, think of me as the mother superior and go back to your metaphorical big house on the hill and leave her alone, because I have no plans of telling you anything."

Toby smirked.

“What the hell are you smiling about?” Sam asked him.

“You in a nun’s habit. It’s quite the image.”

Before Sam could think of a good comeback, Josh broke in. He’d wanted to say the next words to Donna first, but he wasn’t going to get the chance unless he went through Sam.

“Did it ever occur to you, that I called her Maria Von Trapp and not Fraulein Maria?” he said quietly.

For the first time Sam frowned. “What difference does it make?”

“Are you kidding? It makes all the difference in the world!” Josh exclaimed.

“What the hell are you talking about?” CJ put in. “They’re the same person.”

“No, CJ, they’re really not. Fraulein Maria was the governess who chased around after the kids. Maria Von Trapp was the Captain wife, the mother to his kids and the one he escaped from the Nazi’s with.”

Sam began to see what he was talking about and he sank back down in his desk chair. “So you’re saying…”

“God, Sam for someone so smart you’re being awfully slow on the uptake here,” Josh told him. “I LOVE Donna! Don’t you get it? I want to marry her because I love her...I was going to propose last night. I had a ring and everything!”

For a long, long beat, no one in the room spoke. 

“You love her?” CJ finally asked in stunned disbelief.

“Yes, I want us to adopt the kids and be a family. I’m hoping she wants us to have more kids of our own. I want to be Captain von Trapp and I want her to be Maria von Trapp.”

“Okay, you need to stop with the Sound of Music analogies before my head explodes,” Toby put in. 

“Why didn’t you just say so, Josh?” Sam asked quietly. “Why didn’t you say that to her last night?”

“Because I suck at this, and Donna was upset, and like I said, I panicked,” he said.

“You know she thinks you only see her as nothing more than a nanny for the kids and an assistant at work,” Sam told him. “Last night she kept telling me that she feels like an indentured servant.” 

“I never said she was anything like a servant!” Josh said. “Where the hell would she get that idea?”

“Oh, my God,” CJ said, dropping into one of Sam’s chairs.

The three of them looked at her. “What’s wrong?” Josh asked her.

“Aw, holy hell,” CJ muttered. “She got that from me.”

“From YOU!” Josh bellowed.

CJ stood up and towered over him. “What was I supposed to think, you big idiot? You’ve known each other for 7 YEARS! I didn't know you were in love with her. I was beginning to think you just saw her as a little sister or a friend or something. Why the hell did you wait so long to figure it out? I thought she just had a hopeless crush on you and I didn’t want her wasting her life by waiting on you hand and foot."

Now he understood why Donna didn’t want him taking relationship advice from CJ. “You shouldn't have meddled! Don't you think you should let Donna and me make those decisions by ourselves?"

"And just when were you going to get around to that, Josh?” Toby put in. “When Hannah and Jake were in high school?" 

“I finally figured it out, didn’t I? And clearly I didn’t need CJ’s help to do it!” Josh shot back.

“Josh, you can yell at CJ and Toby later. Right now you need to talk to Donna,” Sam interrupted. “She’s seriously thinking about going back to Wisconsin.”

“What?” Josh said, getting a sick feeling in his stomach. “She can’t! Where is she, Sam?”

“She wanted somewhere you wouldn’t think to look for her, so I got her a room at the Hay Adams under an assumed name,” Sam said.

"The Hay Adams? Why is she there?" CJ asked. "It's astronomically expensive."

"I'm paying for it. It was actually my idea," Sam replied. "I thought it was the least I could do for her and I figured it was the last place Josh would look for her."

Josh was anxiously bouncing on the balls of his feet. "I don't care whose idea it was or why she's there. If that's where she is, then that's where I'm going. "

“I'm coming with you," Sam said. "I don’t trust you to drive right now and I doubt she’ll open the door for you anyway.”

“Fine, then let’s go,” Josh said, not wanting to waste a second.

“With all the snow, it will be faster just to walk,” Toby pointed out.

“Good thinking,” Sam said.

As the two of them walked outside, the winter afternoon sun glinted brightly off the new snow and gave the illusion of warmth, even though it was just above freezing. With the Hay Adams...and Donna literally across Lafayette Park from the White House, Josh wanted to run, but Sam kept their pace at a brisk walk instead. To Josh, the trek took forever, but actually they made good time and it only took them a few minutes. 

Stepping into the warmth of the Hay Adams Lobby, Sam led the way to the elevators. Other people got on the elevator with them so they didn't say anything more until they got off on Donna's floor.

As they neared her room, Josh began to feel a renewed sense of foreboding and he stopped in the middle of the hall. "What if she won't talk to me?" 

Sam walked back to him. "She loves you, Josh."

"Did she tell you that?"

"She didn't have to. Even when she was crying, it was written all over her, maybe especially when she was crying," he replied. "Look, she's had some time to calm down and between the two of us, we'll get her to give you a chance to explain and you'll work it out."

Josh blew out a breath. "Okay. Let's go."

They walked four more doors down and Sam stopped in front of the one on the right. No sound was coming from inside. Lifting his hand, he knocked on it while Josh stood to the side so she wouldn't see him through the peep hole in the door.

"Donna?" he said to the door. "It's Sam, could you let me in?"

It took a long few minutes, but they finally heard the sound of a lock and a chain being undone and slowly the door swung open. None of the lights in the room were on and even with the afternoon sun coming through two french doors, the room was cast in deep shadow. 

Donna didn't offer any words of greeting to Sam, moving instead to walk silently across the lavish hotel room to stand at the french doors with her back to the room. If she knew Josh was with him, she didn't show it.

The bed was perfectly made, suggesting Donna hadn't slept in it and there wasn't really anything else that gave any sign that the room had been occupied for the last 12 hours. The small fireplace at the foot of the bed was ready for a fire but hadn't been lit and the TV was apparently still stowed in the large armoire next to it.

But what worried Josh the most was the fact that the room was downright frigid and it was immediately apparent why. One of the two french doors that opened onto a small balcony was standing partially open and Donna was standing in the opening. Standing in her bare feet, she only appeared to be wearing a terrycloth bathrobe that hung down just past her knees.

"Donna?" Sam began. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," she said woodenly without looking at him.

"Hello, Donna," Josh said quietly.

The only immediate reaction he saw in her was a slight slumping of her shoulders. "Hello, Josh," she said. He wasn't quite sure what he expected, but the sadness he heard in her voice wasn't it.

"I'm sorry, Donna," Sam said. "I wasn't trying to deceive you by sneaking him in here. I just...I talked to him about what happened and I think you should hear him out."

She continued to stare outside. "It's all right, Sam. Would you mind leaving us alone? Josh and I do have some things to talk about."

Josh was both a little surprised and a little scared of her easy acquiescence. Sam just looked confused as he looked at Josh for some kind of signal as what to do next. Josh nodded at him to let him know he'd be okay. 

"Ah, sure, I'm going to go check on Ainsley and the kids. Let me know if you...either of you need anything."

On his way out, he gave Josh's shoulder a squeeze as a sign of support and encouragement. As the door closed behind him, the two of them continued to stand there in an increasingly oppressive silence.

He hated having to stare at her back. "Donna...I'm sorry...about everything," he tried as he took a couple of tentative steps toward her. 

"Don't..." she said quietly. 

Since she still hadn't turned around, he froze in mid-step and wondered if she had developed eyes in the back of her head. "What...?"

"Don't apologize," she said. "There's no reason for you to be sorry."

Now he was completely confused, this wasn't going at all like he expected. He'd thought she'd be angry or at least blame him for what had happened.

"Okay, I don't understand..." he began.

"You were just being honest," she tried to clarify.

"No, no...I was being stupid." He was getting a little tired of staring at her back. "Donna, can you look at me please?"

In response, he saw her swipe a hand over her face and realized she was crying.

When she slowly turned to look at him, the sunlight was behind her and it left her face in shadow so he couldn't read her expression. 

Needing to see her face, Josh switched on a light. Even in the warm, soft lamplight her appearance shocked him and it was hard not to wince when he looked at her. She was standing with her arms wrapped around her waist in a protective gesture and the skin on her face and hands appeared to be almost transparent from the cold. Her forehead was unbandaged and the paleness of her skin made her the still healing incision there stand out angrily.

But it was her eyes that were the most painful to look at. In addition to being red-rimmed, they were haunted and defeated. 

If someone else had put that look in her eyes, Josh suspected he would have done everything in his power to make them very sorry for it. The fact that he'd been the one to put it there made it feel like a stake was being driven right through his chest.

"It's all right, Josh," she was saying. "You feel the way you feel and I should never have put you on the spot or gotten so angry with you."

It really bothered him that the tone in her voice was so...final. "No, you don't understand..."

Donna continued on as if he hadn't spoken. "And I shouldn't have run out on you. I should have stayed and we should have had things out once and for all." 

"I wish you had stayed, but I know you were upset and you had every right to be," he said.

"It also occurred to me that I wasn't very fair to you last night."

That brought him up short. "YOU weren't being fair? What do you mean?"

"I forced you to tell me what I meant to you," she began. "But I didn't do you the courtesy of telling you what you mean to me. I put everything on you as if you were the only one in this relationship...or whatever we have between us."

Now he was intrigued. This was an interesting turn of events. "What do I mean to you Donna?" he asked, unable to pass up the chance to hear the answer.

A hint of fear crept into her eyes as she stared at him for a long moment. "My life started when I met you, Josh. Not that I had a bad life before you, but that day in New Hampshire it was like everything clicked into place and I was right where I was supposed to be. And I don't mean because of the president. As much as I respect him and love working at the White House, it was because of you. It's like you were a puzzle piece in my life that I didn't even know I had been missing." She took a little shuddering breath. "I'm in love with you, Josh. I have been for a long time."

Josh wasn't sure if he could remember how to breathe. Given his own issues over admitting his feelings for her, he knew how hard that must have been for her to say.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he said gently.

"I could say the timing was always wrong, but the truth is, I was scared and I knew it was inappropriate for me to feel that way about you." Since she'd turned to face him, her eyes had been fairly dry, but now two fat tears slid down her cheeks. "And I've done so many things that hurt you, I knew I'd screwed up any chance for us."

He frowned in confusion. "What are you talking about? What things? You've done nothing but try to help me and take care of me."

She managed a hollow little laugh. "You don't have to pretend, Josh. We both know it's true."

He was still clueless. "I'm not pretending. I really don't know what you mean."

"Oh, you know, the little things. Let's see if we can hit the highlights. There was me taking the blame for the quote Jack gave to the paper. Then there was me not only dating Cliff who you were fighting on every front, but then I compounded it by lying to Congress and getting caught in that lie by none other than Cliff, because he saw my diary when he was hunting around my bedroom for his boxers." She seemed to hug herself a little tighter. "And there's your PTSD. When I think how I could have lost you because I wasn't paying attention until it was almost too late..."

Josh was stunned. It never occurred to him that she carried so much guilt around and he REALLY had no idea she blamed herself for his PTSD. Without a word, he crossed the room and stood in front of her.

Although she'd trained her gaze to stare at the floor, rather than at him, she didn't shy away from his presence, which he took as a good sign. He laid a hand lightly on each of her arms...and flinched. 

"God, Donna! You're ice cold," he exclaimed as he tried to rub her arms to work up some friction heat. It quickly became apparent that it wasn't doing much good, so he pulled off his heavy wool coat and wrapped her in it.

"Come on, sit down on the bed," he said guiding her over to the end of the bed, right in front of the unlit fireplace. "You've got it like a deep freeze in here, you're going to catch pneumonia." 

Obediently, she sat down on the bed without a word. The first thing he did was to hurry over to the french doors. As Josh moved to close the open door, he saw her room overlooked the White House. He assumed that Donna had been standing there staring at the view for quite a while before he and Sam had arrived.

Just by closing the door and drawing the curtains, the room felt instantly warmer and he knew the room's heater would now have a chance to start actually working. For extra warmth, he moved to the fireplace and after locating a box of matches on the small mantle, he lit it. Within just a few minutes, a healthy fire was burning cheerily. 

Turning around, he knelt down in front of Donna. Her eyes were staring blindly into the fire, her expression far away.

"Donna, look at me," he instructed gently. Her eyes shifted to meet his. "Listen very carefully to what I'm going to say." He let out a breath. "You didn't ruin anything. The stuff that happened with Commander Wonderful and Calley is water under the bridge. Yes, I was upset when they happened because I don't like it when people take advantage of you or hurt you and the two of them did both. But I know you didn't do any of that on purpose and I never blamed you. And as for the PTSD, I don't know how you could blame yourself for that. Leo told me you were the one who guessed what was wrong, you had a big hand in making sure I got the help I needed."

"But that's just it, I should have known sooner," she told him. "I should have seen you were struggling long before things got as far as they did."

He smiled. "Donna, as much as I like to think so, you're not Wonder Woman or a mind reader. And even if you had figured it out sooner, I wouldn't have been open to any kind of help back then. What was it you said to me when you were in the hospital? I was there when it counted? Well, you were there for me when it counted. After I got shot and after I got my hand stitched up. After the blow up over Carrick when everyone was treating me like a leper and now with the kids. You've always been there."

Pushing himself up, he stood and started to pace in front of her. "And as for doing things to hurt someone...I think I've done my fair share to you. Sabotaging your dates, ridiculing your self-worth, getting involved with Amy for the second time, keeping you close at work because I need you, even though I know you're ready for more and I should be pushing you onto bigger things. And those are just the things off the top of my head." He stopped in front of her. "It's a wonder sometimes why you put up with me."

"I don't 'put up' with you," she said. "I stay because I love you."

"Sam said you were thinking of going back to Wisconsin," he said.

Dropping her eyes, she stared at her hands. "I was...I am."

"Don't go. I don't want you to go..." he said. "...unless maybe you take me with you." 

She looked up at him and for the first time, he saw a spark in her eyes. "Josh, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that for two people who often communicate with an almost freakish ability, including finishing each other's sentences, we don't communicate very well about this...about US."

"We don't seem to communicate at all about us," she agreed.

"And I think that we should change that right now," he stepped forward and took both of her still cold hands in his. "What I'm saying is that I love you too, very much." 

"You don't have to say it just because you think it's what I want to hear," she said.

"I'm not. I'm saying it because it's the truth," he said. "I was going to tell you last night. I had a big plan and everything."

"You did?"

"Yeah, and as usual, my timing was off. I swear I must have the shittiest timing of anyone in recorded history." He gave her hands a squeeze. "I was going to tell you how I felt and then I was going to talk to you about adopting the kids. I swear I hadn't planned on telling the kids before I talked to you. But when I went into the bedroom, they asked me about it and I just didn't have the heart to put Jake and Hannah off any longer. I didn't think you'd have anything against adopting them, so at the time I didn't see the harm in telling them." He stared down at their linked hands. "I see now that it was wrong of me and you had every right to be mad about that."

"I was more hurt than mad, Josh," she said quietly. "Like I said last night, it wasn't that I didn't want you to adopt them. I just wanted you to recognize the contribution I had made and was going to make for things with them to work. I also wanted to know that you valued my opinion on things that affect both of us."

"I do value it, you know," he told her. "I value your opinion a great deal. I'm sorry if I don't tell you that enough."

"I believe you," she said. 

"Anyway, after you found out that I told the kids, things went downhill from there. You were so upset and when you asked what you meant to me, I panicked. If you'd asked me if I loved you, I probably could have answered you without any problem. I just hadn't thought beyond that. When I said you were Maria Von Trapp, I didn't mean as the nanny. I meant you were the Maria that married the captain and made a life with him." 

Donna stared at him, her eyes huge in the firelight. "Say it again," she whispered.

Josh frowned. "What? That you're Maria Von Trapp?"

Tears pooled in her eyes. "No, that you love me."

He smiled broadly and pulled her to her feet so he could hold her when he said it. "Donnatella Moss, I am madly, hopelessly in love with you."

Leaning in, he captured her mouth in a searing kiss. Her lips were cool under his, but warmed quickly and he felt her hands fist themselves in the front of his sweatshirt. The feeling of her body under his hands and her mouth moving with his was intoxicating. For a first kiss it was amazing, hell, for ANY kiss it was amazing.

As they came up for air, he gave Donna a little smile. "You know I'm going to need help with this relationship stuff, right? You've been around me long enough to know that I can be hopeless."

"I think that can be arranged," she said a little breathlessly.

"I can promise you one thing though," he said. "My days of rolling into someone sideways and waiting for them to break up with me are over. I think you're going to be stuck with me for a long time."

"Well, it'll be a tough job, but I think I'm up for the challenge," she said with the first hint of a real smile. 

Donna's hand strayed up into his hair and toyed with the nape of his neck making it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying as her expression turned serious again.

"Josh, you’re not going to wake up tomorrow and say you’re sorry about this, are you?"

"No," he replied.

"And you’re not going to wake up tomorrow and say it was a mistake?" 

He hated the wary tone in her voice and wanted to do anything he could to reassure her. "No, I'm not." He paused for a moment. "And for the record, I'm not sorry I accidentally kissed you in the kitchen that morning a few weeks ago."

"You’re not?" her voice trembled slightly when she said it.

"I am 100%...not sorry. What I’m really sorry about is apologizing for it when what I should have done was kissed you again...and repeatedly. But don’t worry, I intend to make it up to you."

He framed her face in his hands and he brushed his thumbs over her slightly tear-stained cheeks. “How could you think that I don’t love you with everything I am?” he whispered. “I think I’ve loved you from the day I found you standing in my office in New Hampshire.”

With that, their lips found each other again and all verbal communication ceased. Her mouth opened to his kiss as her body melted against his. Dimly, he knew that his coat had fallen from around her shoulders and she was only wearing her bathrobe. He also noticed that she was definitely warmer than she'd been before and he was hungry to find and heat up any parts of her body that were still cold. Pulling her tightly against him, he trailed his lips along her jaw and down the side of her neck. He felt her body shiver with what he hoped was desire and not the lingering cold.

"Is this real?" she murmured tipping her head back to give him better access. "Am I dreaming? Maybe you should pinch me." She let out a little sigh. "No, if I'm dreaming I don't want to wake up."

"You're not dreaming," he said against the column of her throat. "No dream ever felt this real. Let me show you just how real this is. Let me make love to you the way I should have been doing for years."

Under the pulse point at her throat, Josh felt her blood quicken and it only increased his need for her. 

"That's all I want, Josh, it's all I've ever wanted..." she said breathlessly. "...show me what I've been missing."

TBC


	6. Little Wonders: Chapters 26-30

**********  
Chapter 26 – NC-17

Donna felt him chuckle against her skin. “To do that I think we’re both wearing way too many clothes,” he said.

“I guess we’ll have to take them off then, won’t we?” she replied boldly.

Josh, of course, was way ahead of her and his hands were already untying the belt of the hotel bathrobe she was wearing while his mouth continued exploring her neck. The robe gaped open in front and since she was completely naked underneath it, her next sensation was his hands on her skin. They were gentle...stroking and yet, it felt like he was overloading every nerve ending his fingers touched, making her itchy and needy. Heat, rich and deep, settled low in her belly like a ball of gathering energy waiting to be released.

Then his hands moved over her breasts, first palming them and then touching and teasing her nipples maddeningly until they were almost painfully stiff and she could think of nothing but how it felt...how his touch was so much more than every fantasy she'd ever had. 

“Please, Josh,” she begged with a little whimper when he seemed content to go no farther than kissing her and exploring her upper body with his hands. She tried to move things along by pulling at his sweatshirt, but he was decidedly uncooperative. “I need more.”

A smirk accompanied the chuckle this time. "And you say I'm the impatient one."

She continued to work on his sweatshirt, but he seemed to be trying his best to thwart and distract her. "Josh...it's been seven years, no one's been as patient as me."

"Except maybe me," he said running his tongue along her collar bone.

"Point, taken," she agreed. "But I need to touch you...uh...um...too..." Her voice wobbled as she gasped a little when he began working a spot just under her ear lobe. It was a miracle she didn't melt into the floor at that point. If Josh was as good at the main event as he was with this warm-up round, she was going to be one tired but satisfied woman by the time they made it out of this hotel room.

"All in good time, Donnatella. All in good time," he said in a voice she didn't recognize, but that made her squirm as it caused a rush of wet heat between her legs. "But right now I've got a few ideas of my own I'd like to try out."

That statement caused the spit to dry up in her mouth. His ideas could be so...interesting. At that point, she expected him to move things over to the bed, but before she realized what was happening he was nudging her over to the nearest spot of open wall.

Straightening a little, Josh captured her face in his hands and kissed her long and searingly deep. His tongue dueled with hers for who could express the most in that one kiss.

Breaking the kiss suddenly, Josh left Donna breathing hard as he looked at her. His expression perfectly matched his earlier sexy voice. In the future, it was a look he was going to have to save for private or risk making a public spectacle of themselves when she threw him down to have her way with him on the spot.

As if he was searching for some kind of permission and found it in her face, a little smirk came into his eyes and she felt his hand slide lower.

There was NO doubt in her mind of its exact destination.

Sliding down over her belly, his hand cupped the juncture between her thighs for a moment as if learning the feel and heat of her body. Watching intently for her reaction, Josh moved one finger deeper to brush against her clit. 

"Josh..." she gasped as pleasure shot right through her.

She was suddenly glad she had the wall at her back because she didn't think she could have kept standing on her own as he continued to lightly and almost lazily graze her clit. 

"Yes, Donnatella?" he said playfully. "Did you have something to say?"

She tried to work up some kind of saucy reply but what came out was mostly a moan and his name again.

"What was that? I didn't quite hear you," he teased.

His one finger was now joined by a second and they began to move a little quicker...a little more insistently over the sensitive nub that seemed to contain every sensation in her body right then. 

Donna's breathing quickened. "Please...Josh," she begged in a choking gasp. "I need you."

His look went from playful to smoldering in a heartbeat. "I need you, too, in every way."

Her sleep-starved and pleasure-overloaded brain was a little slow on the uptake, so Donna frowned in confusion when she saw Josh sink to his knees in front of her.

"What are you...?" she began. He looked up at her with eyes full of passion and promise locked together with heat and she realized exactly what he intended. "You don't have to..."

"Yes, I do," he said simply. As he leaned in, she felt his breath as he inhaled the most intimate scent of her. She watched as he brushed the robe back and nudged one of her legs up and over his shoulder. Then his mouth replaced his fingers and every logical thought in her mind simply evaporated.

"Oh, God," she murmured.

Part of her wanted to watch what he was doing to her, but the sensations were so overwhelming, about all she could manage was to drop her head back against the wall. One hand came to rest on his head as the other groped for purchase somewhere so she would have something to hang onto and keep her upright. Her fingers finally connected with the end of the small fireplace mantel and she held onto it for dear life.

Not that it mattered. Between his mouth and his hands, one of which was gripping her leg and the other pressed to her waist, he had her all but pinned to the wall and wasn't about to let her go anywhere.

His mouth was hot and demanding on her body and it sent every dark fantasy she'd ever had about him blooming explosively inside her head. It was as if he were forcing her to acknowledge desires that had been too long denied and needs too long unmet with reckless abandon and it stole her breath away.

Donna had never felt so overwhelmed by a man making love to her...so seduced...so totally immersed in feeling and sensation. While no other man had done what Josh was doing to her at that moment, she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that even if someone else had, it would never have felt so amazing...so beyond anything she could have even fantasized about.

As his tongue worked faster and harder on her, her legs began to shake from the strain and from the overload of feeling that was building to a razor's edge inside her. She wanted to form some coherent thought, some kind of 'dirty talk' but all she could manage was his name in a begging, guttural tone that she didn't recognize as it fell from her own mouth.

"Please, Josh...God, please..." she moaned. "Please...don't stop..."

The moan threatened to break in to a full throated scream so she bit her lip hard and gripped his head a little more tightly as she blindly tried to guide his rhythm. Josh of course, had his own ideas and knew exactly what he was doing. He set the pace to take her right where he wanted, when he wanted.

Although Josh was definitely in charge at the moment, Donna still felt a power...an odd control over him and it thrilled her that he would want to ravish her this way.

The hand he had gripping her leg, moved to join his mouth and she felt him slide first one then two fingers inside her. The tempo he set with his mouth and his fingers had her body balancing right on the edge. Then in a move that she didn’t expect, he nipped her clit lightly with his teeth and her body exploded. It wasn't simply falling over the edge, it was more like being launched across the Grand Canyon on a rocket cycle.

On a choked cry, she cried out his name. If she'd had more air in her lungs she would have screamed it, but as it was, she was still loud enough that some of the other guests in the nearby rooms probably heard her.

Her body still humming from the orgasm, Donna tried to catch her breath. As his touch gentled on her body, she felt his eyes on her and she looked down at him.

"Wow," she breathed.

With a grin at her comment, he stood and pulled her limp body against him. "So things are off to a good start?"

By way of an answer, she kissed him hard and long, putting all of her quickly returning energy into it. She could taste herself on his lips and it only served to rejuvenate the hum in her blood and her hunger for him. There was also the fact that the feeling of the hard bulge in his jeans and his fully clothed body pressing against her bare skin was terribly erotic. When she pulled back, they were both breathless.

"No one's ever done...that...to me before..." she admitted.

Predictably, Josh smirked. "Well, what do you expect, dating Republicans all the time?"

Donna lightly punched him in the shoulder. "Somehow I don't think that will be a problem anymore."

"You got that right," he said with a chuckle.

As she let her robe slide all the way off, she gave him her best come-hither look. "Now that you've got me all warmed up, why don't you let me return the favor?"

The smoldering look came back into his eyes. "Just what did you have in mind?"

"I’m sure I can think of something,” she said tugging him toward the bed. “You're not the only one who has ideas."

"Okay, but be gentle with me,” he said as she whipped back the covers. “I bruise easily.”

“No promises,” she teased. With a firm shove on his shoulder, she tumbled him back onto the bed. Before he could do much more than shift a bit higher on the mattress, she straddled his hips, all but pinning him to the bed. 

Pulling the t-shirt he had on under the sweatshirt out of his jeans, she burrowed her hands under his clothes to feel his skin against her palms. He hissed and squirmed a little as her nails lightly brushed over his nipples. She wasn’t sure which one of them groaned louder when his movements caused the erection straining through his jeans to rub against her still sensitive core.

“God, Donna, you make me crazy when you do that,” Josh muttered.

Leaning forward, she came in for another kiss. “Good, then I’m doing something right.”

They started kissing again, Donna didn’t think she’d ever just kissed someone so much. With each kiss their bodies grew hotter and harder by the minute.

Finally, Josh pulled out of the kiss. “Okay, I’m wearing WAY too many clothes,” he told her.

Donna grinned at him. “I think you’re right. Maybe I can help with that.”

She let him sit up enough that together they pulled off his t-shirt and sweatshirt in one smooth tug. The sight of his naked upper body sent a shiver of anticipation through her. He had the most amazing arms and his chest, even with the scar that bisected it, was no slouch either. 

However, he looked a little surprised and confused when she showed no signs of moving off of him so he could take off his jeans.

He laid back on the bed. “Uh, Donna, we’re not going to get too far unless I can get rid of my pants.”

“But I’m happy where I am,” she said with a little pout. Purposefully, she wiggled her hips a bit and had Josh’s eyes all but rolling back in his head.

“You’re killing me here, you know,” he groaned.

With a wicked little glint in her eye, she shifted back just far enough that the fly of his jeans was exposed. It was hard not to see how wet the material was from being pressed against her damp core. 

As Josh watched her with an avid interest, she moved her hands to the fly of his jeans and undid the button. Then, very slowly, she drew the zipper down and parted the two sides. With the layer of jeans out of the way, his bulging erection was even more prominent as it threatened to push its way out of his boxers.

Donna’s eyes latched onto Josh’s face as she cupped the hard length of him through his boxers. His eyes had grown dark and the lids half closed as her fingers teased him through the fabric.

“Please Donna,” he pleaded with a little choke in his voice. “I don’t know...how much...more I can take.”

Still pressing her hand to him, she leaned in close to him. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you,” she said as she kissed him. While her mouth was locked with his, her hand went over the waistband of his boxers and slid underneath to grasp the hard length of him in her hand.

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” he murmured against her mouth. “If you don’t stop ‘getting me’ this is going to be over way too fast.”

“Well, can’t have that now, can we?”

With a final brush of her thumb over the head of his cock, she let him go. But the respite was only momentary. Tugging down the front of his boxers, his erection sprang free, standing at proud attention for her. 

“My, my...that’s some equipment you have there, Joshua,” she teased.

Donna was pleasantly surprised to find he was bigger than she’d expected and she had a feeling she was going to be a little sore by the time they were done. Not that she minded that. On the contrary, the idea gave her a little thrill...it would almost be like he’d leave his mark on her. Temporary proof of what they’d done even after they were finished.

“Donna, as much as I appreciate you praising my...equipment, I REALLY need to get my pants off,” he pleaded.

Giving him a little grin, she cocked her head at him. “Why waste time getting them off?”

He frowned a little. “What do you...? Oh...okay,” he said with a little gasp as he finally understood.

Moving forward slightly so she was once again straddling his groin, she raised up, grasped him in her hand and slid him inside her. Slowly, she sank back down, sliding him deeper and deeper until he was almost buried to the hilt inside her. He was definitely large, and she loved the sensation of being filled with him. The slightly rough feeling of his jeans rubbing against her inner thighs also added another novel layer of sensation.

Giving her body a chance to get used to him, she remained still for a moment and let out what would best be described as a purr. “You feel amazing inside me,” she whispered.

“Believe me when I say the feeling is mutual,” he ground out, clearly trying to maintain some control. 

Then something flickered in his face, almost like he’d suddenly remembered something he’d forgotten.

“Donna, it might be a little late to bring this up,” he said in a somewhat strangled voice. “But I don’t have...I didn’t bring any...protection.”

Grinning, she leaned forward and kissed him. “Not to worry, I’m on the Pill.”

“I love that you’re always so...prepared,” he said with a groan as she used her inner muscles to send a ripple of pleasure through him. “God, Donna, I need you to move.”

Taking that as her cue, she planted a hand on either side of him and began to rock forward over him giving them each just the right friction. His hands were on a mission of their own as they first palmed both her breasts and then tweaked her nipples slightly making her whimper.

The sounds of her slowly building cries and his groans and a slight squeak from the bed filled the hotel room as their bodies moved together. He pushed up into her as she came down on him in the natural rhythm they’d always had. It was so simple and yet, it was like nothing she’d ever felt before and everything she’d ever wanted.

She’d been with other men, but Josh was the RIGHT man. It was as if when she was with him, everything just came together and clicked. It was give and take...power and submission. She loved the intense and slightly overwhelmed look on his face and if the sounds he was making were any indication it was just as amazing for him.

She saw his hand slide from her breast down between their bodies and he planned to send her over the edge by stroking her clit, but she did want that. 

“No, not like that...not this time,” she ground out. “I’m so close now...I just want...you deeper inside me.”

“Let me...be on top,” he growled.

Without really breaking contact or rhythm, Donna grabbed his shoulders and tightened her knees on his hips as they rolled over. Opening to him even more, she used her feet to shove his jeans down around his feet. Then her legs settled high up around his waist and he did slide deeper inside her.

As he began to thrust hard into her, Donna was sure her eyes had rolled back in her head for a second. The feeling of his body over her, pressing down on her...pressing in to her was wondrous and almost unbearably stimulating.

“Oh, yes...God, yes...just like that,” she cried. Once again, she had to bite her lip to keep from screaming his name.

Yes, she was going to be sore, but oh, God, it felt glorious...he felt glorious.

Then she was coming. Her body imploding like a dying sun being reborn into something else. A fire...hot and consuming racing through her blood and her flesh until she couldn’t think but could only feel.

And as the light exploded behind her eyes, she couldn’t hold back any longer and she cried out his name. “JOSH!”

Now that she'd found her own release, Josh let his own need take over. With three hard and fast thrusts, he came right after her, with her name on his lips as he poured himself into her.

When they could both breathe again, Donna let Josh roll them onto their sides. She watched him completely kick off his jeans and then pull the sheet up over them. After he pulled her into his arms, they laid there quietly for a few minutes, their legs and bodies tangled in a comfortable heap. With the windows closed and a fire burning in the fireplace, the room had gotten much warmer and the sheet...and each other was all they needed to stay warm. 

Josh's hand began to slowly stroke her back. "God, Donna," he murmured against her hair. "That was...I don't know what that was."

"I know," she replied as she ran a hand over his chest. "It's never been like that for me before."

"Well, I hope that this will be the start of better things," he said.

She shifted her gaze to look up at him. "For both of us," she said softly.

Her words seemed to act as an unspoken signal and rolling them over, Josh settled over her again.

"So now that you’ve made me your sex slave, I have one favor to ask," he said.

She slid her arms around him, pulling him closer. "What’s that?"

In a surprisingly tender move, he traced her cheek with his fingers. "Don't bite your lip when we make love. I want to hear you. I want to know every sound you make." 

His words both touched and thrilled her. "I think that can be arranged," she said with a soft smile.

With an answering smile, he ran his hands down her arms, and then raised them over her head. His hands trailed back down her arms and over her face. Her cheeks felt warm and flush under his touch. In fact, she was pretty sure she was blushing all over.

Unlike the intensity of the last time, this time things between them were thorough and almost achingly slow. It felt like he kissed and caressed each square inch of her body, paying special attention to every bruise and sore spot remaining from her run in with the dresser and the car accident. She'd never felt so relaxed and so aroused at the same time.

But she was no passive participant either. She did her share of exploring as well. Along the faded scar that bisected his chest, over the arms that she had long admired from a distance, to the small spot behind his ear that made him moan, and finally the lips that she was quickly becoming addicted to. 

And when he finally slid inside her again, he seemed in no rush to finish things. Instead, he seemed content to simply kiss her.

No, kissing wasn't really an apt description for what he did, more like he was making love to her mouth. It was like he was trying to make up for seven years of missed kisses by pouring everything he had into each one.

Given the fact that he was someone who tended to rush around at a 100 miles an hour, making love with him was turning out to be a revelation for her.

Slowly, his body began to move in time with his kisses as he started to thrust into her at an almost leisurely pace. Feeling was a gradually building fire inside Donna and it was like being wrapped in a warm pleasure-filled cocoon.

Just when things started to quicken, Josh looked at her and stopped. "I love you so much, I'm sorry it too us so long."

Donna laid her hand on his cheek. "Don't blame yourself, we both should have done more to get here," she smiled. "And I love you too."

With a smile and a nod, Josh shifted and lifted one of her legs over his shoulder. The new position changed how his body was hitting hers and as he started to move again as pleasure flowed over her in waves. 

This time she didn't bite her lip and the room was filled with the sounds of her moans, groans and cries mixed with Josh's own sounds and words of encouragement. It was their own unique and private symphony.

And when she came, the emotions of the moment were so overwhelming, a tear escaped and trailed sideways over Donna's cheek and into her hair. 

Josh's release came right after hers and as he came down, he pressed his lips to her damp cheek. "You okay?" he said shakily still trying to catch his breath.

Her answer was to kiss him soundly. "I'm very okay."

He moved off of her, but kept his arms around her as he pulled her close and brushed the hair back from her face. "Then why the tears?" 

"I don't really know...it's just...the moment was so perfect..." she said trying to explain. "I just...I'm reminded all over again that whether we're in the office or here in bed, you're the best thing that ever happened me to."

He stroked a thumb over the track on her cheek. "I feel the exact same way, and from now on I'm going to start showing you just how much."

*********  
Chapter 27

Later, as the two of them lay there on the wide king size bed, quiet and pleasantly exhausted, Josh was spooned up behind Donna, his hand slowly stroking her hip under the sheet that covered them. He loved the feeling of her soft skin under his fingers and he looked forward to making up for all the time he'd missed being able to touch her like this.

Two things told him she was still awake. First, the sound of her breathing was too soft and shallow. But even if he hadn't been able to tell by her breathing, the fact that she was slowly running the arch of her foot over his shin would have been a dead giveaway.

Apparently he wasn't the only one who was enjoying the fact that they could now touch each other at their leisure.

He took a moment to reflect on just how much things had changed between them in such a short time. Changed for the better...for the incredibly, stunningly better, he thought with a smile. He'd been so absorbed in actually telling her how he felt, he hadn't taken the time to think about what would happen afterward. He should have known that once they were together they would be...amazing.

The smile faded to something more serious when it also occurred to him just how close he'd come to missing this...to possibly losing her forever. If he hadn't come after her and she hadn't been willing to listen to him and forgive him for screwing things up like he had, it was very possible that this moment might never have happened.

With that thought in mind, he tightened his arms around her and said the words he'd originally planned to say to her the night before. "Let's get married." 

He didn't know if he should be reassured or worried when her foot stopped moving over his leg and he felt her stiffen slightly in his arms.

A long quiet moment passed and then Donna slowly turned over and sat up. "What did you just say?"

He tried not to be distracted by the sight of her bare breasts as the sheet slid away. "Uh...um, I said...let's...get married."

Her eyes searched his face for a moment. "You're serious," she said without a question in her voice.

Josh tried to keep his eyes focused on her face rather than her chest. "Of course I am. "

Alarm bells started going off in his head when she dropped her face into her hands, almost as if she were going to cry. Josh opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, she dragged her hands through her hair and got out of bed. It was pretty apparent to him then that her earlier gesture had been one of frustration rather than sadness.

He watched her as she walked around the bed and bent over to pick up the first piece of clothing she came to, which happened to be his t-shirt, and slipped it on.

"No, no. You’re getting dressed. Don’t get dressed!" he said, despite the fact that she looked as sexy as hell in his t-shirt. "Why are you getting dressed?!"

She dropped into a chair by the bed and let out a long sigh. "Because, Josh, I have to say no, and it’s going to be a thing. I don’t want it to be a thing, but it’s going to be a thing and I think it might be better if I’m wearing something when it becomes a thing."

He tried to be encouraged by the fact that she hadn't put on additional articles of clothing. "Okay, you're going to have to run that by me again."

She flopped back in the chair and looked up at the ceiling. "Josh..." she whined.

"What? Why do you have to say no? And better yet, why are you acting like my proposal was offensive or something?"

"All right, well, setting aside the fact that what you said wasn't so much a proposal as, you know, a suggestion," she began. "The idea of us getting married is like going from putting our toes in the water to the deep end of the pool with no stops in between."

He was more baffled than angry as he scrubbed a hand over his face. "Could you please stop with the metaphors and just tell me why you can't marry me?"

She got up and paced a bit at the foot of the bed. "Fine, here it is. A couple of hours ago I was your friend, assistant, roommate, and surrogate nanny to the kids. And now we..." She gestured toward the bed. "...well, we're...I'm not sure what we are. Lovers? Boyfriend/girlfriend? What?"

The logical part of his brain could begin to see her point, but mostly he just wanted her to throw herself in his arms and say she'd marry him. He opened his mouth, but didn't quite know what to say.

“See! You don’t know what we are either," she said. "How can we think of getting married when we can’t even figure out what we are to each other?”

“We’re what we’ve always been...we’re US!” he argued. “And if we got married we’d be husband and wife.”

She dropped down in the chair again and stared at him for a minute. “Josh, is this because you want to take the kids permanently and you want to make sure I’m around to help you?”

If he hadn't been so surprised by the question, he would have been angry that she'd suggested such a thing. “What? No. I mean, yes, I want us to be a family but I’m asking because I want to marry you. Even if the kids weren’t staying I’d want you to marry me.”

She gave him another assessing look. “Josh, you don’t have to marry me for us to be a family. I'm not going anywhere. I only thought about leaving because I didn’t think you'd ever see me as anything more than your assistant or a friend or someone to help you with the kids."

“But I told you that wasn’t…”

She didn't let him finish. “I know you did and I believe you. And that's why I’m not going anywhere." She let out a breath. "What I'm trying to say is that you don’t have to marry me to make me stay."

"I'm NOT," he insisted.

"Are you sure?" she asked quietly. "Because I don't want you to wake up one day and realize that being with me wasn't really what you wanted."

Everything they’d accomplished in the last two hours seemed to be slipping away and the fact that her arguments made him feel like he could lose her all over again scared and angered him. Suddenly, he felt the need to move and he got out of bed. He felt her eyes on him as he followed her earlier example by snatching up his jeans and yanking them on. 

“Uh, oh, now you’re getting dressed,” she said. “I’m guessing that’s not a good sign.”

Angrily, he zipped up his jeans and managed to avoid causing himself bodily harm. Then he leaned against the far wall and crossed his arms over his chest defensively. “You know, if you don’t want to marry me all you have to do is say so. You don’t have to use the kids as an excuse.”

Her eyes watched him intensely as she stood on the other side of the room with the rumpled bed sitting between them. 

Neither of them spoke for a long moment and not for the first time in their seven year history, Josh wished he could tell what she was thinking.

Slowly, but with definite purpose, he watched Donna walk around the bed and come over to stop right in front of him. She was so close that he could feel the heat of her now warm body and he could smell the scent of her skin mingled with the smell of his t-shirt. Despite the tenseness of the moment, Josh felt his lower body stir back to life at the combination.

Lifting her hands, she framed his face. “I said I WOULDN'T marry you. I never said I didn’t WANT to marry you,” she said quietly as she kissed him gently then pulled back to look at him. “I would never say that. You have no idea how much I want to marry you.”

He frowned in confusion. “Then why...?”

“Because I can't...for now," she said dropping her hands from his face. "And I'm not using the kids as an excuse. I want to do things right and I don't think we're ready..." She let out a breath and dropped her eyes. "...okay maybe 'I'M' not ready." 

Josh watched her as she turned and walked to the fireplace. He didn't quite know what to say in response to her comment so he remained quiet.

With her back to him, she stared into the dying fire and continued. "You know, Josh, as much as I wanted this...wanted us...to happen, I seriously doubted it ever would. And as glad as I am that it did, I just want the chance to get used to the idea of us being more than friends or boss and assistant." She finally turned to face him. "Can you understand that? I don't want to rush into things. When I marry you, I want it to be forever."

Actually he could understand that and he was actually very touched by what she was saying and the fact that she was trying to be honest with him. Even though he was very sure about marrying her, when he'd come up with the idea he'd just assumed that she'd be thrilled and he hadn't stopped to consider how she might feel about it.

Walking over to her, he laid his hands on her shoulders. "Yeah, I can understand that," he said with a nod and a smile he hoped would reassure her.

It must have done the trick because Donna looked relieved. "Good," she replied with a smile of her own. "'Cause you know sometimes friends don't make good lovers...or whatever we are now, and I just want to make sure that we're going to be compatible."

Josh snorted. "Sorry, Donna, I think we just spent the last two hours answering that question." Pulling her into his arms, he smirked at her. "If we were any more compatible, we'd put each other in the hospital."

She rolled her eyes. "We can't spend all our time in bed, Josh. There are other things in life."

"Who says?!" he teased. "Speaking of bed..." Leaning in, he kissed her deeply. His plan was to seduce her back into bed so they could...work on their compatibility some more, but she gave his shoulder a little push.

"Wait, Josh, we need to do a little more talking," she interrupted.

Undeterred, he started kissing her neck. "Can't we talk later? I have a better idea about how we can spend the next hour."

She let out a little laugh. "An hour, huh? You're very sure of yourself, aren't you?"

"I'm very sure of us," he murmured as he continued to kiss his way along her neck. Despite the fact that the t-shirt she was wearing was his, he was about ready to do whatever it took to divest her of it, including the tried and true ripping it off of her.

"I can't think of a more pleasurable way to spend the next hour," she said and for a second he thought she might be weakening. "But we still need to talk...first."

He could hear the determination in her voice and knew his 'compatibility proving plan' would have to wait. He let out a long sigh and dropped down on the foot of the bed. "Okay, what do you want to talk about?"

"I think we could start with what we're going to do about work."

"Work?" Josh said as his stomach took a weird little dip. 

It suddenly occurred to him that there were things that she didn't know and he wasn't sure she was going to like his answer to this particular question.

"Yes, CJ and Leo are going to flip out when they hear that we...that you and I...well, that we're together," she told him. "Actually, everyone in the White House, except maybe Sam, is probably going to be more than a little unhappy about us."

"Um, yeah...about that..."

Donna seemed to pick up on the fact that Josh didn't seem to be overly upset or concerned. "Wait...you weren't...you're not thinking about keeping us a secret or something like that?" She looked a little scared. "Are you?"

He rushed to reassure her. "No, no. I wasn't planning anything like that."

"Good," she said in relief. "Because I think we've both waited too long for that. I mean, it's not like I want to go on the six o'clock news and announce it, but I don't want to hide it like we're doing something wrong either."

"I couldn't agree more," Josh said. 

"Do you think I should quit?"

Of course, he HATED that idea. "No, no, of course not. You're not going to quit."

"But maybe it would be better all the way around," she said.

Leave it to Donna to want to throw herself under the proverbial bus to protect him and the White House. Standing, Josh walked over to her and laid his hand on her shoulders.

"You're not going to quit," he repeated firmly. "It's really not necessary."

"Then what are we going to do?" she asked.

"First off we'll talk to CJ and Leo and see what they want us to do."

"At the very least they're probably going to transfer me to someone else," Donna said unhappily.

"Uh...well, not necessarily."

"Get real, Josh, of course they will. They'll want me to work for someone else and then you'll get mad because you won't want to lose me and there will be lots of yelling," she guessed. "I think we should just go with my earlier plan and I'll quit. I can always get another job and I'd still see you at home."

"Donna, will you stop. For the last time you are NOT going to quit," he told her. "And what's more, I can almost guarantee they won't be all that upset when we tell them what's happened."

"How can you be so sure?"

He didn't know exactly how to ease into telling her, so he just said it. "Because they already know that you don't work for me anymore."

There was a rather long, somewhat disturbing silence.

First Donna looked confused, then her expression turned to one of hurt and disbelief. "You mean...because of what happened last night...you already fired me? Why would you do that?"

Josh knew he'd botched it again. "What?! No, of course I didn't fire you. I would never do that." He let out a breath and tried again. "I just meant TECHNICALLY you don't work for me anymore."

She looked confused again. "What are you talking about?"

He stepped back in case she got a little mad about the next part. "When I told CJ that you were going to move in to help me take care of the kids, she went to Leo with it. The two of them made me sign papers that transferred you to Leo. Technically, on paper, he's your boss, but he said you could still work with me."

Donna considered that. "But back then there was nothing between us. Why would they make you do that?"

Josh scrubbed at the back of his head and smiled a bit sheepishly. "I guess they thought I might do something stupid."

When a look of hurt came into her eyes, he knew he'd said the wrong thing. 

"Something...'stupid'?" she said.

"No...God...I didn't mean it like that. Sorry, bad choice of words. I definitely don't think it was stupid." Letting out a breath, he tried again. "What I'm trying to say is that I guess CJ and Leo suspected what you and I have been denying all this time and they were trying to make sure they were covered if anything happened when we were living together."

“Why didn’t you tell me about this before?”

“I don’t know, I guess I thought since it wasn’t going to affect our day to day activities at work it wasn’t a big deal,” he told her.

“Didn’t you think I’d want to know?”

Her voice sounded more curious than angry which he took as a good sign. “Okay, so maybe I didn’t want you to worry about how your moving in with me was going to play with Leo and the rest of the staff. You were already doing me such a huge favor that I wanted to make it as painless as possible for you.”

“I guess it would have bothered me a little," Donna conceded. "But in the future, I want you to tell me about stuff like that.”

“I swear...you will be the first to know,” he promised.

Donna was quiet for a few minutes as she stared down at his chest and toyed with a few strands of his chest hair. “Well, I suppose the next thing to do is tell CJ and Leo they were right to cover their bases," she said, sounding less than thrilled with the idea. 

"Actually you don’t need to worry about it because that particular cat is already out of the bag."

Looking up at him, she frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I was at the White House looking for you when Sam showed up. Before he would tell me where you were, he made me tell him everything.”

She smiled softly. “Sam’s a good friend. Kind of like the big brother I never had.”

“Well, yeah, but...” He grimaced a little in anticipation of her reaction. "CJ and Toby were there when I told him."

"They were?" she said, although her voice didn't sound especially upset.

"Yeah."

"What did they say?"

"CJ was a little surprised. Toby did his usual man of few words routine," he told her. 

"I'll just bet CJ was a little surprised," she commented absently.

Given what he now knew about some of the things that had gone down between Donna and CJ, he could imagine what was going through her mind. “On the up side, they also both told me that I needed to work things out with you.”

She looked at him hopefully. “They did?”

“Yeah, I swear,” he said. “Look, we’ll talk to Leo and we’ll work it out. I seriously doubt that either of us is going to loose our jobs over this.” He grinned. “As a matter of fact, I have a feeling it’s going to be a good thing for you.”

“Why?”

“Because now that we’re together, I think Leo will want to put at least a little distance between us. I imagine he’ll let you spread your wings more than I did and you’ll be working on all kinds of things. Of course, that sucks for me, but it’s just as well...” He brushed some hair back from her face. “You really did outgrow me a long time ago, I just hated to admit it because I’m selfish and I need you so much.”

Although he could see she glowed under the complement he’d given her, the expression on her face remained serious. “No, Josh, I may have outgrown answering your phone and doing your filing, but I could never outgrow you.”

He looked at her for a moment. “You do know you do infinitely more for me than answering my phone and filing, right?” he said.

She laughed lightly. “Yeah, I think there was also some copying in there too.”

His expression grew even more serious. He couldn’t believe that’s what she thought. “Don’t say that. Don’t devalue what you’ve meant to me all these years. You’ve always been more right arm than assistant to me.”

His vehement response seemed to surprise her. “Josh...” she tried.

“No, let me say this. I don’t say it enough...hell, I never say it and you deserve to hear it.” 

He took a moment to gather his thoughts. He really wanted to get this right.

“You put up with a lot from me and if I’ve ever made you feel less than essential and invaluable, I’m an idiot and I’m sorry. You’ve done nothing but challenge me and make me better at what I do.”

“I ask too many questions,” she admitted a little sheepishly. “I know it irritates you sometimes.”

“I know from the way I act it may seem that way, but no you don't ask too many questions. By asking questions you help me see things from a fresh perspective,” he said. “And you know, by having to sometimes explain things to you, I learn things too.” 

"And here I thought you already knew everything," she teased.

Josh had a feeling that Donna was a little uncomfortable with his unexpected praise and she was trying to hide it behind their usual misdirection, but he wasn't going to let her take them down that path.

"Donna, I'm serious, I wouldn't change a thing about you." He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “You have to know that you're one of the few people I trust implicitly. I don’t think I’d still be working at the White House if you weren’t there. It’s the kind of place that can eat you up and spit you out and I’d be lying if I said there weren’t days when I only came to work because I knew you’d be there.”

Donna’s eyes were suspiciously bright now. “That was very nicely said, Joshua.”

“Well, I meant all of it.”

Her gaze shifted until she was looking at a point over his shoulder. “I just want to be worthy of you,” she said softly.

He was stunned by her statement. "Worthy of me? God, Donna, of course you're worthy of me, how can you say that? It's me who needs to work on being worthy of you."

Her eyes shifted back to meet his. “Come on, Josh, you have to admit that I don’t have as much to offer you as Mandy and Amy did.”

“Why compare yourself with them?” he asked. “I’m with you, not them. I don’t want to be with them, you’re the one I want to be with.” 

“I just mean, I’m not exactly an asset to your career.”

He didn’t agree with her on that point at all. “Well, that’s debatable, but I do know you’re an asset to my life.”

“I appreciate you saying that, Josh but...” Her eyes got a little sad. "I don't even have a college degree and about the only thing my background is good for is being fodder for tabloid journalists looking for a story about the Deputy Chief of Staff boffing his blonde bimbo secretary." 

They were really going to have to work on her self-esteem. He hated that she would even think such a thing. Trying to keep a grip on his temper, he gave her a little shake.

"Don't cheapen yourself or what we have. A college degree is not all it's cracked up to be. There are people I know with degrees out the door that can't think their way out of a paper bag. More importantly, you've had a seven year crash course in Washington politics. That's worth more than two or three degrees. And as for the tabloids, let CJ do her thing. Anyone who knows us, knows the truth." He gave her a smile. "Besides, the White House Press Corp likes you."

That managed to get a little smile out of her. "Well, that's true."

"Seriously, Donna, if I thought that anyone, including the two of us, would get dragged through the mud over this, I'd quit before I'd let that happen."

"Oh, yeah, and then you'd hate me."

"No I wouldn't, I'm a grown up and it would be my decision," he insisted. "Look, I'm not trying to find a reason to quit, but if staying meant losing you, I would." 

"But you love your job, Josh,” she insisted. “It's who you are."

He shrugged. "I do love it, but not as much as I once did. The thing with Carrick has been kind of an eye opener for me. Leo doesn’t listen to me like he used to and half the time I feel like I’m standing outside in the cold. It wouldn't be as hard as you might think for me to walk away."

She frowned. "But what would you do?"

"From the calls that come through the office, you know better than anyone that I have lots of options. There are campaigns I could run, Congressional offices I could manage, hell, I could even teach or write." He dragged a hand through his hair. "Let me put it this way, at one time, I knew that the most important thing for me was working in the White House. But now...being with you...I know you and maybe the kids are what's most important. The rest will take care of itself."

Josh could see her visibly swallow a rather large lump in her throat. “When did you get so good at this?” she said in a voice that was suspiciously husky.

He gave her a smile. “With you it’s easy.”

This time her eyes weren’t only bright, but a tear formed and slid down her cheek. “Flatterer,” she said with a slightly wet chuckle. 

Leaning in, Josh kissed her damp cheek then worked his way across to her mouth and kissed her deeply, hoping that everything he felt for her would come through, including the fact that he thought she was the most amazing woman he'd ever met.

"Anything else...you want to...talk about?" he asked between kisses.

She kissed him back just as fervently. "Nope...except that...we're wearing...too many...clothes." 

"That's easy...to fix," he said reaching for the hem of the t-shirt she had on.

"Wait!" she said suddenly as she pulled away.

Josh's disappointment was severe. "Aw, Donna, you're killing me, here," he said as he collapsed on the bed.

She started searching the room for something. "Just a second," she told him as she finally located her purse. 

"What are you doing?" he asked as she pulled out her cell phone and dialed.

"Just taking care of one important detail," she told him. "Hey, Ainsley. It's Donna."

Sitting up, he listened to her end of the call with a sudden interest. 

Donna talked to Ainsley for a minute or two and asked how the kids were doing. She seemed satisfied with the answer and then she asked Ainsley if she could stay with the kids overnight. Judging, from Donna's grin, Ainsley must have agreed and suddenly, Josh was very glad she'd taken the time to make the call. Although he wasn't going to admit it, in the face of sex with Donna, he'd forgotten about the kids.

The rest of the call was Donna talking to the kids to reassure them that everything was okay and that she and Josh would be home in the morning. She finished the call by telling them to be good and that if they behaved they'd go to McDonald's for dinner tomorrow.

Snapping the phone shut, she tossed it back in her purse turned to face him. "I thought maybe you'd like our first night together to be without the risk of one of the kids walking in on us."

"You're brilliant," he said with a grin.

She grinned back. "Now...where were we?" The grin turned saucy. "Oh, that's right..." Grabbing the hem of the t-shirt, she pulled it off, tossed it over her shoulder and planting her hand on her waist, cocked her hip. "...something about wearing too many clothes."

God, she looked magnificent. Somehow he doubted he was ever going to get tired of exploring her body. He watched her walk over to him, her hips swaying slightly and he was sure his mouth was hanging open. 

"So what do you say, Joshua?" she said as she stood between his knees. "Wanna get naked with me?"

Rather than a verbal answer, he ran his hands over what seemed like miles of her bare skin. Along her stomach, up over her breasts which he cupped almost reverently, over her hips, across her firm butt cheeks which he couldn't help but squeeze and finally up along her back. 

With a gentle pressure on her back, he pulled her closer so he could place open mouthed kisses along her belly, along her breast bone and finally over her breasts. She arched into him as he alternately kissed and bathed each of her nipples with his tongue.

"That feels so good, Josh," she said on a sigh as her fingers combed lightly through his hair.

The sudden tightening across his groin made him remember he was supposed to be getting naked. Reluctantly, he pulled his mouth away from her skin.

“Hold that thought,” he said as he gave her a nudge to step back and he stood up.

“Okay, but don’t keep me waiting too long...” she said as she climbed into bed to watch him. “...or I might have to take matters into...my own hands.”

The thought of Donna touching herself...or touching him, after all both could be implied from her statement, did nothing to help his hands keep from fumbling with his zipper. In fact, in his haste, it probably made the job harder. No pun intended. Silently, he cursed the fact he’d zipped the jeans in the first place.

Still laying on the bed, Donna chuckled. “You need some help there, Joshua?”

“No, no, I got it,” he insisted as the zipper finally slid open and he shucked off the offending jeans. “See?” he said standing up triumphantly naked. 

“You da’ man.” She grinned at him and patted the bed next to her. “Now come here.”

He’d taken two steps when he was struck with an idea that broke through the testosterone haze currently interfering with his higher brain functions. “I’ve got it!” he said excitedly.

“I can see that,” she said hungrily looking him up and down. “Now come over here so I can have it too.”

“Little minx,” he said with a raging smirk as he dropped down on the bed next to her. “Not, that....I know how I can get you to marry me.”

Donna rolled onto her back in frustration. “Josh...” she whined. “We already had this discussion.”

Josh was undeterred. “I'm going to woo you.”

“Oh, Josh I really wish you wouldn't,” she said, clearly under-whelmed by the idea.

"Why not?" he asked with a frown.

“Because you're not very good at it.”

"What? I can woo!"

Donna tucked some stray hair behind her ear. "I hate to tell you this, Josh, but watching you with Mandy, Joey and Amy, that really hasn't been my impression."

"That was then, this is now. And seriously, you have to stop bringing up my past as a comparison to us,” he told her. “Unless, of course you want me to bring up Freeride, Calley and Commander Wonderful.”

“Okay, okay, point taken,” she agreed. “Please don’t dredge up the gomer trifecta.” Letting out a breath, she sat up. “All I’m trying to say is that I don’t need you to ‘woo’ me.” She laid her hand on his shoulder. “All I need is you. You said earlier that you wouldn’t want to change anything about me, well, I feel the same about you.” 

Of course, that only made him more determined. “I'm going to prove it to you."

Flopping back on the bed, Donna sighed. "If you must."

He couldn’t help being at least a little miffed over her lack of enthusiasm at the effort he was planning to make. "You don't have to sound like it's going to be a trip to the dentist."

She watched him for a minute. “You’re right, I’m sorry. But can I just say one more thing?”

“Oh-kay...” he said cautiously.

“When...okay IF...the wooing plan should happen to blow up in your face or gets you in hot water, I want you to remember that it was your idea and not mine.”

"Your confidence in me is heartwarming, Donnatella.”

Sitting up again, she scooted closer to him. “Actually, Joshua, my confidence in you is boundless.” Laying her hand on his chin, she turned his face to hers and kissed him softly. “I just don’t want you to tie yourself up in knots because of something you think you have to do for me.” 

Silently he conceded that she had a point about his past relationship attempts. His track record had been less than stellar. But this time he really thought it would be different.

He’d MAKE it different.

“Okay, I’ll remember that,” he promised. “But I want you promise me something too.”

“What’s that?”

“Not if, but WHEN the wooing plan works and you see I can woo with the best of them, I want you to give me proper credit.”

“It’s a deal,” she said giving him a little smirk as she stretched out on the bed. “But right now, I'd like to get back to the ‘having-fun-while-naked’ plan we discussed earlier."

His wooing plan put on the back burner for the moment in the face of the testosterone surge he was feeling, Josh stretched out beside her.

“I think that can be arranged,” he said in a low voice as he began to use his hands, his mouth and eventually another part of his anatomy to put the 'having-fun-while-naked' plan into action. 

As it turned out, neither of them did much sleeping that night.

**********  
“Josh, does your room, I mean the room you’re using, have a lock on the door?” Donna asked him as he drove them home from the hotel the next morning.

“No, I don’t think so,” he answered with a confused frown.

“Well, then I think we’d better call a locksmith when we get home to get one installed.”

“Why?” he asked not quite following her.

“Oh, no reason,” she said with a casual shrug. “I mean if you only want to have sex when we can get a hotel room, then we don’t need a lock at all.”

The light bulb...no the atomic burst of light went on in Josh head. “Oh...right...sorry, I’m a little slow on the uptake this morning.” He smirked. “I didn’t get much sleep last night, you know. Not that I’m complaining mind you.”

She couldn’t help but smirk back. “Good, so I’ll call the locksmith.”

“No, we don’t need a locksmith,” he insisted. “I can take care of it.”

“You?” she looked dubious.

“Yes, Donnatella. I’m handy when the situation calls for it.”

“Well, yes, Joshua, in many ways you are handy,” she agreed as he parked the car outside his building. “But I have to say, I don’t think being a locksmith is one of them.”

“But...”

“Josh, do you want the kids to walk in on us?” she asked simply.

“No, of course not.”

“And do you want to worry that they MIGHT walk in on us?”

“No,” he said as he switched the engine off.

“Then please let me call a professional locksmith,” she begged.

“But....

“I’ll make it worth your while,” she purred suggestively. “If I’m happy with the lock, I might even sleep in the nude.”

“Really?” With the kids in the apartment, he’d pretty much given up on the idea of nude sleeping. “Every night?”

“Do you plan on having sex every night?”

Well, now there was a dumb question. “Oh, yeah.”

“Then when we go to bed, we’ll lock the door and the clothes will come off. After the sex, we’ll both throw something on and unlock the door.”

“No, I want you to sleep in the nude too,” he argued.

After all, what was the use of spending his nights with Donna if she wasn’t naked?

She thought about it for a second. “Okay, we’ll just leave the door locked and tell the kids to knock if they need something. If they want something, clothes go on and we’ll take care of it.”

He grinned. “You drive a hard bargain, but you have a deal.”

The two of them laughed about it, as they walked up to the apartment. Josh used his key to open the door. They found Ainsley and the kids in the living room watching TV.

“We’re home,” he announced.

“Uncle Josh, you’re back!” Jake exclaimed as he jumped off the couch and ran over to them.

“Can’t get anything by you, Jake,” Josh said with a laugh as Jake gave him a hug.

Hannah, who hadn’t said anything, was right behind Jake and she all but jumped up into Donna’s arms.

“I guess that means you guys missed us,” Donna said with a grin as she picked up Hannah and turned to Ainsley. “Thanks so much for taking care of them.”

Ainsley grinned. “It was no trouble. They’re great kids. Sam actually stayed the night to help out, but Toby called him for something about the State of the Union early this morning and he had to go in for a couple hours. You might want to call him, I think he wanted to know how things turned out with you guys.” 

“Okay, I’ll call him,” Josh promised.

Ainsley suddenly looked a little embarrassed, as if she’d realized she’d said something wrong. “Oh...and he slept in Josh’s room last night...Sam I mean...not with me. I slept with the kids,” she clarified for no particular reason. “I mean I slept in the extra bed in the kids' room.”

Donna and Josh were used to her somewhat unusual conversation style and just exchanged slightly bemused looks. 

“Did you guys behave for Ainsley?” Donna asked them. 

“Yes, we were good,” Jake replied, while Hannah nodded vigorously.

“They were perfect angels,” Ainsley said. “Although I’m guessing that your promise of dinner at McDonald’s helped.”

“Our secret weapon,” Donna said conspiratorially. “The day they stop liking McDonald’s we’re going to have a problem.”

Ainsley got kind of a weird...almost uncomfortable look on her face. “I do have something to tell you though...”

“Oh? What’s that?” Josh asked as Jake went back to watch TV.

Before she had a chance to explain further, the ‘something’ or more accurately the ‘someone’ emerged from the bathroom.

“Hello, Donna dear,” their new visitor said as she greeted Donna with a kiss on the cheek.

“What a surprise,” Donna returned the greeting with genuine affection. “It’s wonderful to see you.”

The mystery guest then turned her attention to him. “Hello, Joshua.”

He just stood there, open mouthed with surprise. “What are you doing here?”

**********  
Chapter 28

“Is that how you greet your mother after she managed to find a seat on a flight at Christmas and came all this way to see you?” Anna Lyman teased with mock disappointment. “Haven’t I taught you any better than that?”

“God, sorry, Mom. No, of course not," he said gathering her into a hug. "I'm just so surprised to see you.” 

“Well, after your phone call, you didn’t leave me much choice but to fly out here and see for myself what you’d gotten yourself into,” she said after returning the hug. 

“What phone call?” Donna asked in confusion as she put Hannah down so she could go back and watch TV with Jake.

"Ah..." Josh stumbled looking a little embarrassed.

Ainsley picked up her purse and a small bag by the door. "You know, it sounds like you guys have a few things to talk about, so I think I'm going to take off."

"Thanks again, Ainsley," Josh told her as he opened the door for her. "We owe you one."

"You're welcome."

"It was very nice to meet you Ainsley," Anna said.

"It was nice to meet you too, Mrs. Lyman. Bye kids!" she called as she walked out. 

"Bye!" Jake called from the couch and Hannah waved.

"Nice girl," Anna said. "And she and Sam are so cute together."

"Yes they are,” Donna agreed. “Now, what's this phone call you're talking about?" 

Anna looked at Donna as Josh closed the door. "He called me late on Christmas Day and wanted to know if I'd heard from you." She looked back at Josh. "He sounded almost frantic, but he wouldn't tell me why."

Donna watched Josh for a second and then looked at Anna calmly. "We had a bit of a disagreement that night and I left rather abruptly to do some thinking."

Josh scrubbed at the back of his head. "Yeah and I was looking for her."

Anna's gaze went between both of them. Her expression told them that she didn't believe for one second that’s all there was to it. "Well, I guess he found you."

Donna smiled at him. "That he did, and things are fine now, aren't they, Josh?"

Josh smiled back at her and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, things are great."

All the smiling they were doing only gave credence to Anna's suspicion that there was more going on than they were telling. "Good to know."

The three of them got a little quiet and the moment threatened to become awkward.

"Did you guys have breakfast already?" Donna asked the kids to fill the silence.

"Yeah, Ainsley gave us some cereal," Jake said not looking up from the cartoons he and Hannah were watching.

"Okay, well, why don't us grown-ups go into the kitchen? I'd love some coffee," Donna suggested. 

"That's an excellent idea, dear," Anna agreed as the three of them walked into the kitchen.

Now that they were away from the kids, Josh felt like he could speak a little more freely. 

"I'm sorry you came all this way for nothing," Josh said, trying to look properly apologetic as Donna started a fresh pot of coffee.

"Oh, it wasn't for nothing. I've been thinking about coming for a while now," Anna said. "After all, I wanted to meet the kids."

Josh and Donna exchanged looks. Since the thing with the kids had started, Josh had been under the impression that his mom had been bordering one step above denial of their existence. The idea that she might want to actually meet the kids was a little surprising.

Clearly, their look was not beyond Anna’s attention. “What?” 

“Nothing,” Josh said innocently.

“After all, they’re sort of my grandchildren, aren’t they? Why wouldn’t I want to meet them?” she asked. “Depending on what the DNA tests you took show, at the very least they’re your father’s flesh and blood. Speaking of which, when do you think you’ll get the results back?”

“Well, funny thing...I...” He let out a breath. “...we...got the results last week.”

A ripple of surprise crossed her face. “Oh, really? You didn’t say anything about it. What did they say?”

“Um...well...I haven’t looked at them yet.”

Now she just looked confused. “Why on earth not?”

Josh scrubbed a hand through his hair. “I...it’s complicated. Basically, they’re good kids and I didn’t want my opinion of them to only be based on their genetics.”

She smiled. “You know, Joshua, you make me very proud sometimes.”

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting her to say, but that wasn’t it and he found himself a little embarrassed.

“I uh...thanks,” he stammered.

“But I‘m going to want to see the results,” she added. “I need to know for sure.”

Josh could understand her feelings. And since he and Donna had come to a decision on the matter of keeping the kids, he’d already figured he'd have to give the results to the ACS when they started the adoption process, so he felt he was ready to look at the results too.

“Okay, but let’s wait until after the kids go to bed tonight,” he suggested.

Anna nodded. “I can wait ‘til then.”

"Have you had a chance to spend much time with the kids?" Donna asked.

"A bit, my flight got in late last night and by the time I took a cab over here the kids were in bed. So I've only had time with them this morning."

Josh was almost afraid to ask. "What did you think of them?" he asked quietly.

Anna gave him a slightly unreadable look. "Well, I haven't spent enough time with them to form a really solid opinion, but my first impression is that they’re cute kids and seem well behaved."

Josh just stared at her. She seemed completely at ease with the idea of the kids. Who was this woman and what had she done with his mother? 

“You’re giving me a look, Joshua.”

“No, there was no look,” he insisted.

“Honey, I’m your mother and I know that look. It’s the look that tells me you’re having trouble trying to understand something and in this case, the something seems to be me.”

“I just thought...” Josh hedged. “...well, that you were having a little trouble with the kids and the whole situation.” 

Anna looked at both of them for a moment. “Okay, I admit it was a shock and maybe it took me a little longer to get over it than you did. I know it’s silly, but it hurt a little that technically I wasn’t the first one to give your father children. But...” She let out a breath. “...it finally sunk in that your father did nothing to betray me or our marriage vows and I was being a foolish old woman for being angry at him or these children.”

Silently, Josh breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m really glad to hear you say that,” he said genuinely. Reaching out, he took Donna’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “Because I’m going to adopt them...in fact, at some point...‘WE’RE’ going to adopt them.”

Anna stared at their clasped hands and she couldn’t help but grin. “So when you said things were great between you two...”

Leaning into Josh, Donna grinned at Anna. “Things are REALLY great.”

Anna let out a little squeal and gathered them both up in a hug.

“Awww, Mom don’t get all wound up,” Josh said, even though he honestly didn’t mind it all that much.

“I’m allowed to get wound up, I’m your mother,” she said taking a step back. “I just want to see you happy.” She lightly patted Donna’s cheek. “And I know this one has always made you happy. I’m glad the two of you figured it out.”

Josh and Donna exchanged somewhat goofy grins and he put his arm around Donna and hugged her close. “Not half as glad as we are.”

**********  
The day moved pretty fast from there. As promised, Josh called a locksmith who was able to come out that afternoon and put the appropriate locks on the bedroom. Then the five of them trooped off to dinner at McDonalds.

Later, after the kids were in bed asleep and their bedroom door was closed, Josh, Donna and Anna sat down at Josh’s small kitchen table with the DNA results.

While all three of them were curious about the results, none of them seemed to want to be the one to take the first step and actually open the innocuous looking envelope sitting in the middle of the table.

"Josh, why don't you do it," Donna gently urged. "It seems only right that you be the first one to see the results."

"Yeah, okay." He let out a breath. "Here goes."

Picking up the envelope, he turned it over in his hands for a moment, then slid his finger under the flap and tore it open. He pulled out a sheaf of papers and laid them out on the table.

Donna and Anna were practically holding their breaths as they waited for him to read it. None of them had expected to be quite this nervous about the results, but now that the moment was there, they were oddly anxious.

Finally, Josh exhaled and sat back, but didn't say anything. 

"Well?" Anna prompted.

Donna laid her hand on his arm. "What does it say?"

Josh's glanced shifted from Donna to Anna. "Well, a lot of it is the lab techno speak and the specifics of the tests they ran." He picked up one of the pages and scanned it again. "But according to the summary page, Hannah and Jake are biologically...genetically related to me...the link is only partial, which makes sense since their father would have only been my half brother."

The three of them were silent for a moment as they absorbed the news. 

"And there's no way they could have made a mistake?" Anna asked.

Josh shrugged. "I guess it's always possible, but they actually did two different tests. While they do say that there is a margin of error, both tests were conclusive."

"And the lab is reputable?" 

Josh felt himself getting a little annoyed by his mother's pressing questions. "No, Mom, I got their name from a flyer stuck to my car windshield," he said a little snappily.

"Josh..." Donna said quietly giving his arm a gentle squeeze.

"You don't need to get mad, Joshua, I'm just trying to make sure I have all the facts."

Josh tried to mentally count to ten. "Yes, the lab is reputable. It's the top private DNA testing lab in D.C. My friend, Mike Casper from the FBI, recommended it." He looked at her squarely. "If you need more proof, we can get a second opinion, but I'm satisfied."

Josh and Anna had a staring contest for a moment and then she spoke. "I wasn't trying to shoot the results down," she defended. "I was just...." She let out a breath. "Honestly, I don't know what I was trying to do."

Her simple admission and the fact that he remembered that this whole situation had been more than a little difficult for her at times, was like a bucket of cold water on his anger.

"I'm sorry," he told her. "I know this has been hard for you."

Her gaze met his levelly and she accepted his apology with a nod. "There's no need for a second set of tests, I'm satisfied too."

Relieved that they’d reached an truce of sorts, Josh reached across the table to take her hand. "Thanks, mom.”

She gave his hand a squeeze and released it. “So I guess this makes me a step-grandmother.”

Josh gave her a smile. “Well, you said you’ve been wanting grandkids.”

Anna chuckled for a moment over that, then she sobered slightly as she shifted her gaze between the two of them. “I’m glad you’re going to adopt them,” she said softly. “You’ll make great parents.”

Josh felt any lingering annoyance at her slip away. “Thanks, mom. That means a lot.”

“So is there a wedding in the future?” Anna asked next.

“Mooomm...” Josh whined. 

“It’s a perfectly valid question.”

Donna stepped in at that point. “No,” she said giving Josh’s arm another little squeeze. “Not right now.”

“Why not?”

Donna looked a little scared, but she replied before Josh had a chance to. “Well...it’s because...”

“Because it’s not the right time,” Josh broke in. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the look of surprise flicker across Donna’s face, but he wasn’t going to acknowledge it. If anyone was going to have to take the brunt of his mother’s disappointment over them not getting married, it would be him...even if it wasn’t his fault.

“Nonsense,” Anna said. “You two have known each other for what, six or seven years! What better time could there be?”

Donna clearly wasn’t going to let him take the fall. “It’s not his fault, Anna.”

Anna’s confused gaze flickered between the two of them. “Then whose fault is it?” 

Josh jumped in before Donna could answer. “It’s no one’s fault,” he told her. “We’re just getting used to being...together and we’re focusing on that and the kids right now. We don’t need a piece of paper to know what we feel for each other. We’ll get married when we’re ready.”

That seemed to take some of the wind out of her persistent sails and she sighed. “Okay, well, I’d just appreciate it if you wouldn’t wait another six or seven years to get around to getting that piece of paper. I’m going to be greedy. Now that I have two grandchildren, I’m going to want more.”

Looking at Donna, Josh laid his hand over hers. Her eyes were a little bright and the look she was giving him sent something warm and gooey right to the center of his chest. Turning, he smiled at his mother. 

“Don’t worry, we’ll get the paper eventually and you’ll get the grandchildren.”

It occurred to him then that he and Donna hadn’t gotten around to the topic of having kids of their own. In the past, they’d had vague discussions about each of them reproducing, but not doing it together. He hoped he hadn’t just stepped on some relationship landmine.

“It won’t be six years,” Donna blurted. “Josh, can I talk to you for a second?”

Uh, oh, maybe he had stepped on that landmine after all. “Uh...um, sure,” he said, feeling like he was about to get taken out to the woodshed.

“Would you excuse us for just a minute, Anna?” Donna asked as she stood up and tugged at Josh’s hand. 

Anna looked amused, but didn't comment. “Sure, I’ll make some fresh tea.”

“Great, we’ll be right back,” Donna said as she pulled Josh back to the bedroom that would now be theirs.

“Okay, Donna,” he began as he watched her close the bedroom door behind them. “I know I probably shouldn’t have said anything about us giving her more grandkids but...”

He didn’t have a chance to finish because in the next second Donna had him up against the wall and was kissing him like she was drowning and he was oxygen. His initial, momentary surprise, evaporated in the next second and his arms went around her to hold her tightly to him. 

Before he could recover from the surprise, she pulled back. “I couldn’t wait any longer to do that,” she said breathlessly.

"Tell me what I did to deserve that, so I can remember to do it more often.”

"You wouldn't let me tell your mom the truth about why we're not getting married.”

He shrugged. “It’s really no one’s business but ours.”

“But it wasn’t even your fault,” she pointed out. “And you could have used her to double team me into saying yes but you didn’t.”

He rubbed a hand down her back. "Donna, I don’t want to double team you into marrying me. If you’re not ready, then I’ll wait until you are.” 

She smiled and toyed lightly with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Have I mentioned how much I love you?”

“Not since we got back to the apartment, no, so feel free to say it again,” he managed to tease.

Choosing to speak in a very non-verbal way, she kissed him again. This time he wasn’t all that surprised and he threw himself into responding appropriately. Suddenly, it was like they couldn’t get enough of each other. Anyone seeing them at that moment wouldn’t have guessed that they’d had sex about six different times the night before. 

Shifting positions, Josh turned the tables and was pressing Donna against the wall. Her leg slid up along his and he almost naturally grabbed it and pulled it higher as he ground his hips against hers and made her moan. Despite the fact that they were still fully dressed, they were about as close to having sex as they could be with two layers of clothing between them. Even the heated friction of the cloth between them was a turn on. 

“Wait...” Donna said suddenly.

“What?” Josh said breathing hard...okay, so his breathing wasn’t the only thing that was hard by then.

“Your mom is out in the living room.”

“Donna, this isn’t gonna be one of those ‘we can’t have sex with your mother in the house’ things is it?” he asked letting go of her leg. “’Cause, I’m pretty sure I’m going to blow out a few thousand blood vessels if you make me wait until she leaves.”

Donna couldn’t help but grin and she brushed her hand over the hard bulge in his jeans. “Having some blood flow issues there, Joshua?”

Josh had to grit his teeth. “No, not yet, but if you keep touching me inappropriately or make me wait until she leaves there might be.”

As much fun as she was having, she didn’t want to torment him too much so she pulled her hand back. “Don’t worry, I just meant we said we’d only be gone for a minute. If we take the time to...finish things...I think she’s going to be a little suspicious.”

“And you don’t think THIS is going to make her a little suspicious?” he said pointing to the bulge in his jeans.

“Not if you untuck your t-shirt and be sure to sit down at the table right away.” She tugged his t-shirt out of his jeans and pulled it and his sweatshirt down. They were both just long enough and just baggy enough that they covered the area in question...just barely. “See? She’ll never see it.”

“Have you MET my mother? She’s pretty sharp,” he argued quietly. “Even if she misses the halfway decent erection you've inspired, the rumpled, untucked clothes are going to give it away.”

“You worry too much,” Donna said.

“’I’ worry to too much?” he said incredulously. “Who stopped us because my mother is in my apartment and she might be suspicious?”

“Well, I don’t want to keep my future mother-in-law waiting, she might think I’m a bad hostess.” 

“Donna...”

Giving him her best seductive look, she toyed with the lobe of his ear. “I’ll make it worth your while if you can wait.”

When she touched his ear like that, he really couldn’t think all that well. “Keep talking...” he said, all but unable to form sentence any longer than that.

“Just give me an hour...just an hour...maybe less and I swear I’ll make it up to you,” she batted her eyes at him. “We’ll test out the new lock on the door and the clothes will come off,” she promised.

How was he supposed to argue with that? A locked door and naked Donna pretty much trumped any argument he could put together. 

“I can't believe I'm saying this but...okay.”

Grinning triumphantly, Donna took a step back and started to smooth her clothes. Josh let out a long suffering sigh and he tried to adjust his pants so they didn't feel quite so tight. Sitting down was going to be interesting to say the least. The only other thing he knew to help the situation was to start mentally reciting the starting spring roster for the Mets.

"Josh..." Donna said quietly.

"What?" he said absently as he tried to readjust his shirt.

"I was wrong."

The tone in her voice made him look up. Her eyes were soft but glistened slightly as if she was on the verge of tears. Somehow he didn't think she was saying that she was wrong for asking him to put off sex for an hour.

"About what?" he asked with a frown.

She took his hand. "You’re definitely good at the wooing."

He frowned. "But I haven't done anything yet."

"You've already done more than you know. Coming to get me at the hotel, asking me to marry you but not pressuring me, and sticking up for me with your mom." Leaning forward she kissed him on the cheek. "To me, all of it is you bringing the woo."

Giving her hand a squeeze, he couldn't help but grin. "If you liked that, then you ain't seen nothin' yet. Come on, let's go take care of my mom. Then we can come back here and I'll see if I can top myself."

Rolling her eyes, Donna couldn't help but chuckle. "Your ego knows no bounds, does it?" 

His grin widened and he led her out of the bedroom. They found Anna sitting at the table sipping on her tea and looking over the results. As Donna had suggested, he quickly sat down at the table. If Anna noticed Josh’s...physical state, she didn’t show it.

"Sorry we took so long," Donna apologized as she sat down next to Josh.

Anna gave them an odd smirk. "No problem at all. Is everything all right?"

"Sure, of course, it's fine," Josh replied. "So...how much longer are you planning on being here?"

"Josh..." Donna admonished as she smacked him on the back of the head. 

"Ow...what was that for?!" he said rubbing the spot where she'd hit him. Then he realized what he'd said. "Okay, so that didn't come out the way I meant."

Anna gave both of them a little smile. "Don't worry, Donna, I know what he means. My return ticket is booked for New Years Day."

"Do you want to stay here or should we get you a hotel room?” Josh asked. “It's a little crazy here with the four of us living here."

"If it's okay, I'd just as soon stay here," she answered. "Anyway, I'm guessing that Donna won't be needing her own bed now?"

“Yeah, well...” he began. He was getting a little uncomfortable with talking to his mother about sleeping with Donna.

“Are we that obvious?” Donna asked sheepishly.

Anna shrugged. “Only to anyone who knows you. What’s obvious is that something has changed between you...for the better. Besides, I know these things. I am a mother...and a woman. You blush every time he looks at you,” she told Donna. “And he can’t stop smirking.” She grinned. “He’s also got lip gloss on his face. Pink is definitely your color, Joshua.”

“Mom, do we have to talk about this?” Josh asked as he hastily wiped Donna’s lip gloss off his upper lip and cheek.

“No, but it’s certainly fun for me,” she replied. “I do have a piece of advice for you though, Joshua.”

Okay, now he scared, but he knew he couldn’t get out of letting her dispense the advice. “What’s that?”

“Donna was walking a little gingerly this morning, you might want to pace yourself or you're going to wear her out.”

Now he was getting a little nauseous, but on the good side, this discussion had gotten rid of the tight feeling in his pants.

“At the risk of being a bad son, can I ask you to NEVER give me sex advice?”

“I’m just saying,” she said with a smirk of her own, clearly enjoying Josh’s discomfort. “You know, Joshua, I’ve had my share of sex in my lifetime.”

Dropping his head, Josh banged his forehead lightly on the table. “I really don’t want to hear this.”

Anna looked at Donna. "His father was quite the charmer and never lacked in the bedroom."

His head snapping up, Josh managed to catch himself before he let out a yell that probably would have woken the kids. “Mom!” he hissed through gritted teeth. “Seriously, if you don’t stop now, I may never have sex again.”

“Oh, come on, Joshua, how do you think you and your sister got here? You certainly weren’t brought by the stork.”

He felt the beginning of a slight tick at the corner of one eye. “Mom, please, no sex stories about you and Dad. I don’t think my brain can take it.”

“Okay, okay, I’m done tormenting you,” she promised with a chuckle. “As for the sleeping arrangements, I live in the big wide world with everyone else, so I don’t expect you to be monks while I’m here so I’ll use the spare bed in the kids’ room. ”

“You don’t mind?”

“Not at all.” Anna glanced at her watch. “Speaking of which, I think I’ll turn in. Do you guys need me to take care of the kids tomorrow?”

Josh shook his head. “No, Donna and I were planning on being home tomorrow.”

“Hey, maybe we can all go somewhere or something," Donna suggested. "Maybe a museum or...”

Her words were cut off by the ringing of Josh’s cell phone. Josh got up and looked at the display. “It’s Leo.”

“Or not,” Anna muttered.

Donna patted her hand in understanding. “It’s the nature of the beast.”

Josh listened to Leo for a moment. “Sure, I’ll be there.” He nodded. “Okay, I’ll see you then.” Hanging up the phone, he turned back to them. “Sorry, Leo wants me to come in tomorrow.”

“Did he say why?” Donna asked.

“Yeah, the President wants to make some last minute changes to the State of the Union in regards to mandatory minimums and some presidential pardons, apparently that’s what Sam got called in about earlier today. The president’s coming back from Manchester early and Leo wants to meet with me before he gets back tomorrow.”

“Will you need me?” Donna asked ready for anything he might want her to do.

Leaning in, he kissed her cheek. “Always, but not for tomorrow. I’ll call if that changes. Besides, you’ll be in the day after tomorrow and we can get going on anything then,” he said then gave her shoulder a squeeze. “You guys go and do something fun with the kids.”

Donna nodded. “Let us know if we should plan dinner for you or not.”

“I will.” He let out a long breath and stretched. “But right now, I’m ready to hit the hay too.”

“Why Joshua, it’s only 9:30,” she said in mock surprise. “You haven’t voluntarily gone to bed that early since you were in grade school.”

“Well, mom,” he said, giving her a goodnight peck on the cheek. “Times change and it so happens that I didn’t get much sleep last night.” 

“So I guess that means you’ll be making up for it tonight,” Anna said with a knowing smile.

He took Donna’s hand and tugged her out of the chair. “Yeah, I don’t think the sleeping thing is looking too good for tonight either.”

“Josh, don’t tell her things like that!” Donna chided blushing furiously as he started walking them toward the bedroom.

Anna watched them disappear down the hall. “Say goodnight, Gracie,” she heard Josh say. 

“Goodnight, Gracie,” Donna shot back making Anna chuckle as she heard Josh’s last words before the bedroom door shut.

“Ha, ha, Donnatella. Funny, very funny.”

*********  
Although it was an official work day at the White House, a lot of people were on vacation and since the president wasn’t due back until later in the day, the halls were relatively quiet as Josh walked to Leo’s office. 

“Hey Leo,” he greeted as he walked through the open door.

As usual, Leo looked like he was working on four things at the same time. “Hey, Josh. How’s it going?” he said absently without looking up.

“Well, my mom showed up on my doorstep yesterday and she’s staying at my apartment with the four of us, but other than that...”

Now Leo did look up. His eyes looked a little bleary and owlish behind his reading glasses. “Your mom’s here?”

“Yeah, apparently I led her to believe I did something stupid...”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Leo said.

Part of Josh supposed the remark was supposed to be a joke, but it fell flat, especially in light of everything that had happened since the blow up with Carrick. There would have been a time a remark like that from Leo would have been a bit hurtful, but Josh found it oddly satisfying that he didn’t feel any sting from it now.

“Well, anyway, she came to find out for herself and she’ll be staying until New Years,” he said. “Thank God I have two bathrooms in my apartment or I’d be using the men’s room at the Chevron Station to shave in the morning.”

Any comment Leo might want to make was squashed by the arrival of Toby and CJ. “Hey, Josh,” they both greeted him.

“Hey,” Josh said as he dropped down into a chair. “How are you guys...” His radar was immediately set off when each of them closed a different door to Leo’s office. “...doing?” he finished as the two of them settled themselves on Leo’s couch.

It suddenly occurred to him that the way they were seated he was all by himself, almost like he was on trial. To make the feeling worse, there was no banter or idle chit chat between anyone and the three faces in the room were looking at him with expressions that were less than sympathetic to whatever he’d done. 

“Um...where’s Sam? I thought he’d be here too,” Josh said, hoping a friendly face would be arriving shortly.

"He's barricaded in his office with some things for the speech," Toby said.

Josh had to suppress the urge to squirm. "Okay, so why do I feel like I need to call my lawyer?" he only half joked.

"Did Donna come in with you today?" Leo asked as he pulled off his glasses.

Not expecting this turn in the conversation, Josh frowned. "Uh, no. I was going to let her spend the day with my mom and the kids. Do you want me to have her come in?”

"No, she can just come in tomorrow," he glanced at CJ and Toby. "But we'd like to talk to you about her job."

Warning bells started going off in his head. "What about it?"

"I'm promoting her."

Josh could see that CJ and Toby weren't the least bit surprised by the news and he got a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. "To what?"

"Special assistant to the White House Chief of Staff."

It took him a second to take that in. "Well, that's...that's great. She'll be thrilled."

"I'm sure she will. It will mean a big pay raise and she'll move into the office Will vacated when we shipped him off to the vice-president." Leo paused for a beat. "But she won't only be working for you anymore."

Josh was literally speechless for a moment. "Huh...what? Why?"

"She's needed elsewhere," Leo replied calmly.

"But you can't! I need her the most," Josh insisted. "Wait, is this because we're together now?"

Leo nodded. "Partially..."

"But I thought that's why I signed her over to you when this whole thing started," Josh said. 

"Josh..." Leo tried.

"If it's because you think our relationship is going to interfere with us working together, I swear it won't." 

"No, I know it won't," Leo said.

Josh tried to get a grip on his blood pressure. "Good, then there's no reason to move her out of my office." 

"It's done, Josh. She'll assist me and ALL of the Senior Staff on projects as I see fit," Leo said. "There may come a time when she helps you, but the first project I have for her will be helping Sam. Tomorrow she starts working with him."

"But Leo...!" Josh tried to protest. As much as he wanted Donna to advance to the next step in her career, this was happening too fast.

"Josh..." Toby interrupted quietly.

"What?!" he snapped.

"She's ready for more," he said simply. "She deserves more."

Josh opened his mouth to argue, but he couldn't. He was mad about the fact that he and Donna were the last to get hit with this news, but he couldn't argue with the logic behind it.

Climbing out of the chair, he paced away. Toby was right. She did deserve more, but he was having trouble seeing how he could do his job without her. 

"And just what the hell am I going to do for an assistant?" he snapped.

"Sam keeps Bonnie, but Ginger will move to your office."

Josh narrowed his gaze at Toby. He knew Toby was very fond of Ginger and wouldn't have given her up easily. "Then what are you going to do?" he asked Toby. "Share Bonnie with Sam?"

"No, we're hiring Rina permanently," Toby told him.

Josh frowned. "Rina? Who's...wait, is she that girl from Energy who was wandering around during the Shutdown?"

"The same one."

In spite of his anger, Josh couldn't help but smirk. "Didn’t she ask you for a job reference or something over a bag of a trash?"

“Actually it was a recommendation for her personnel file, but yeah,” Toby replied.

"Does she have any qualifications?"

"No, but then neither did Donna when you hired her."

"She put up with me," Josh defended. "Back then that was enough."

His statement hung in the air for a moment. Now that they were back on the subject of Donna, the three of them seemed to be waiting for some sign from him that he was on board. When he didn't say anything but started pacing again, CJ spoke up.

"You need to let her go, Josh. At least here at work. Otherwise, you'll be taking advantage of her just like you always do."

That brought him up short. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Just what I said. You take advantage of her," CJ repeated. "She's one of the brightest, most capable people in this building and she needs to do more than answer your phones."

Josh was getting a little tired of everyone thinking that was all Donna did for him. "Come on CJ, you know she does way more than that."

"Yes! I do know. And she could do even more if you'd let her," CJ argued. "But you can't see beyond your own selfish needs. What's more, she's so damn loyal to you that she'll never go anywhere without your blessing and you know that and so you keep her in the bullpen like a dog on a leash. Just for once, why don't you try considering what's best for her?" 

Josh was on the verge of losing his temper. "After everything that's happened, CJ, I don't think you're the one who should be giving me relationship advice."

CJ clearly bristled at that. "I'm not. I'm giving you employee advice. This is not about your girlfriend, this is about your highly capable assistant. An assistant who probably would have been snatched up by any number of congressmen or women or private companies if they didn't all live in fear of what you'd do to them if they tried to poach her."

He knew she was right and he remembered telling Donna that something like this might happen now that they were together, he just didn't know it would happen so fast. He wanted more time with her.

"Shouldn't we be asking her what SHE wants?" Josh said. "I mean, what if she doesn't want to be promoted or reassigned away from me?" 

Even as he asked the question, he knew the answer. She'd love the promotion and the additional responsibility, but he suspected she wouldn't like being reassigned.

"Then it will be up to you to help her see what a positive change the move will be," Leo replied.

Josh gave a little snort. They might as well ask him to have Donna clean her things out of his apartment and move back to Wisconsin.

"I'd also like to point out that it will look better in the press if you two are working in separate orbits." Toby added.

"It's always gotta come down to the press, doesn't it?" Josh muttered, even though he knew it was true.

"Unfortunately, in this building, yes it does," Leo replied. 

Josh stared at him for a very long moment. "What will she be doing with Sam?"

"She'll be working on presidential pardons. Sam normally does them in the spring, but the president got a crazy idea over Christmas that he wants to include a section about mandatory minimums in the State of the Union. Potentially, he even wants a select number of these prisoners released in time to attend the speech. So, while Sam will focus on the new section of the speech, Donna will help him cull the pardon files until we can come up with a list of pardons everyone's happy with."

"Where did he get that idea to add mandatory minimums to the speech anyway?" Josh asked.

"Ah, hell, I don't know. He was reading something."

"He's always reading something," Josh pointed out.

"I know. I keep trying to bribe Abbey to lose or break his reading glasses but she doesn't listen to me any better than she listens to him." 

The room got quiet, and again all three pairs of eyes were staring at Josh.

"So are we on the same page with this?" Leo asked him.

"No. I hate the whole idea," Josh said honestly.

"I figured you would," Leo replied.

"But it's an amazing opportunity for Donna and I won't stand in the way of that."

"I kind of figured that too...once you calmed down enough to see reason," he added.

"I wouldn't go that far," Josh mumbled quietly.

"What was that?" Leo asked.

"Nothing," Josh lied. "Is it okay if I head back to my office?"

"Sure. But the president is wheels down in an hour, so I want you all back here by then."

With a nod, the three of them stood and went out into the hall. CJ and Toby apparently knew he wouldn't be in much of a mood for talking so they headed off to Communications without another word. As Josh walked back to his office, CJ's words kept playing in his head over and over again. 

Did he really take advantage of Donna? Is that what everyone thought? Is that what SHE thought?

There was only one way to find out...

He had to talk to Donna.

**********  
Chapter 29

As it turned out, talking to Donna was more difficult than Josh had expected. 

He'd tried calling her when he got back to his office but there was no answer at his apartment and his calls to her cell went right into voice mail. Since Donna was pretty good about answering her cell, especially if he was the one calling, he was a little worried about that. On the other hand, his mother was with them and he hadn't heard anything on the news about some terrible car accident or something, so he didn't get overly concerned. He had to be satisfied with leaving her a message to call him.

To compound the problem, once the president was back in the building, it turned out to be a fairly busy day staffing him and he didn't have a chance to try and call her again. When he made it back to his office about 5:30 he found a message from Donna waiting for him.

"Hey, just checking in..." the message began and he found himself smiling at the sound of her voice.

"...we just wondered if you were going to make it home for dinner. We're having spaghetti about six so if you get this message before then and have a chance, give me a call so I'll know if we should set a place for you. Otherwise, I'll heat you up some when you get home." She paused for a second. "Oh, but if you do end up eating at the office, please promise me you'll include at least some kind of vegetable...and no, french fries, potato chips or corn chips do not count." 

Her comment made the smile spread into a fully dimpled grin as there was another little pause in her message.

"Love you," she added quietly. "See you tonight. Bye."

Her simple words made his heart swell in his chest and given the events of the morning and how the day had gone, he desperately wanted to hear her voice in something other than a message. Exiting his voice mail, he dialed his apartment. 

"Hello," she answered on the second ring.

They weren't really cutesy pet names kind of people, but he couldn't help greeting her with an endearment. "Hey, gorgeous."

"Hey, stud muffin," she replied with a chuckle.

He could hear the kids laughing about something in the background and he felt an odd pang in his chest. It all sounded very homey. He'd never thought of himself as the kind of guy that would be real big on home and family, but there he sat wishing he was at home with them.

"Josh...?"

Shaking himself, he realized he must have been quiet for too long. "Sorry, I'm here. I just got your message. I wanted to call and let you know that I won't be home for dinner."

"Turned out to be a busy day, huh?"

"Yeah, you could say that," he said with a sigh. "Hey, I tried to call your cell this morning but it went into voicemail."

"That's not surprising. I took my cell with me while we were out today, but I didn't realize until we got home that I hadn't charged the battery. Did you leave me a message?"

"Yeah, I just wanted you to call me."

"Sorry, Josh," she apologized. "I put the phone in the charger but I haven't checked for messages yet. Did you need me?"

"I just wanted to hear your voice," he said with a smile. "And to talk to you about something." 

"Oh?" she asked slightly surprised. "About what?"

"Something happened this morning. I was in Leo's office..." his voice trailed off.

"Josh?" she prompted. 

"What?" he asked.

"You just stopped talking," she said. "What happened in Leo's office?"

He could hear the developing worry in her voice. "Ah...nothing."

As usual, Donna read between the lines. "If it was nothing, you wouldn't have mentioned it."

"I..." He let out a sigh. "I'll talk to you about it tonight when I get home, I don't want to do it over the phone."

There was a little pause from her end. "Should I be scared?"

"No, no, it's nothing like that," he told her. Okay, so it wasn't exactly nothing, it was actually a pretty big something to him. 

"You're sure?" she asked him.

"Yeah...it's...it's a good thing," he added with more enthusiasm than he felt.

There was a big long pause and Josh could all but hear the wheels turning in her head. 

"Okay," she said in a way that told him she was suspicious, but would let it go for now.

"But hey, spaghetti sounds great," he told her. "So save me some and I'll eat it when I get home tonight."

"We'll do."

"I should be home in time to help tuck the kids in."

"They'll like that."

"Okay, well, I've got to go," he said even though he was reluctant to hang up the phone and break the connection with her.

"'kay. Don't work too late." 

"I won't," he promised. "And Donna?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, too," he said quietly responding back to her earlier voicemail. 

"Come home soon," she said and he could hear the smile in her voice.

As he hung up the phone, he just hoped their talk that night would go as well.

**********  
"...and there was the command capsule from Apollo 11," Jake gushed as Josh was tucking him in that night. "Ooo, and it was so cool, they even had some moon rocks."

Josh grinned as he pulled the blanket up over Jake. "So I guess you liked the Air and Space Museum at the Smithsonian, huh?"

"It was great! Aunt Donna said we could go back again in a couple weeks and Anna bought me two new books in the gift shop."

Josh was happy to see his mom interacting so well with the kids. "That was nice of her."

"I know, I told her thanks a bunch of times," Jake replied.

He was still so excited about their day out, Josh wondered if Jake would be able to get to sleep. 

"I'm glad you had such a good time, but now you need to try and calm down so you can go to sleep."

"But I'm not really tired," Jake told him. "Can't I read in bed for just a little while?"

Josh considered that. Usually they didn't let him read once he was in bed because he'd read all night and never get around to sleeping.

"I'll make you a deal, since you don't have school tomorrow, you can read for a extra half an hour, but that's it."

"Thanks, Uncle Josh," Jake said happily as he pulled a book out from under his pillow. From the looks of it, Josh assumed the book was one of the new ones he'd mentioned.

"You're welcome," Josh said, switching on the small light that was attached to the side of Jake's upper bunk bed. "Now remember, only a half an hour. I’ll be back to check."

"I promise," he said as he opened the book and started reading.

With a grin, Josh stooped down and sat on the edge of Hannah's lower bunk. "And how about you, Pixie?" he asked her as he tucked the blanket around her. "What did you like about today?" 

Hannah yawned widely. Unlike her brother, she looked worn out and ready to drop off any second.

"I liked the Children's Museum," she said sleepily. "I even got to be a cartoon."

Frowning a little, he smiled. "A cartoon?"

"Yeah, they took my picture and made me a cartoon," she tried to explain with eyes that were already half closed.

"Okay, so what kind of cartoon were you?"

"I was a fairy princess," she said. 

He grinned at her. "Of course you were. And I bet you were the prettiest one ever."

She yawned again. "I wish you could have been there."

There had been no malice in her voice, only simple truth and something in Josh's chest twisted a little at her words.

"Me too, Pixie. Me too. Hopefully, I can be there next time." He brushed a stray curl off her face and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "Now go to sleep."

"'kay," she said in a sigh as her eyes slid closed and she fell asleep almost immediately.

**********  
Toeing off his shoes, Josh pulled off his suit jacket and managed to get it and his trousers into the hamper. His shirt and his tie, however, missed and landed about a foot short. He knew Donna liked it when he at least got his clothes in the hamper, but he just didn’t have the energy to walk over there and take care of it. 

Instead, he dropped down on the corner of their bed and pulled off his socks. He didn’t even attempt to throw them in the direction of the hamper and just left them where they fell.

Now down to his boxers and undershirt, he flopped back on the bed. As he stared at the ceiling, he suddenly felt very old and tired and was dreading having this talk with Donna.

As if on cue, Donna came in and closed the door behind her. “The kids are both asleep and the house is all locked up. You’re mom’s going to read for a while longer but she’ll turn out the lights when she goes to bed.” 

With some effort, Josh managed to sit up and he watched her automatically move through the bedroom, picking up after him. She was dressed in her usual winter pajamas consisting of flannel pants and a t-shirt, this time with a warm robe thrown over them.

Josh didn’t answer her, and he didn’t really think she needed or expected one. Once she had his clothes all picked up and in the hamper, she turned to look at him. The two of them stared at each other for a minute until she walked over to him.

“I missed you today,” he finally said with a sigh.

“I missed you, too,” she told him. “Hey, have you ever been to the Air and Space Museum at the Smithsonian?”

He shrugged a little. “I think so, about 400 years ago when I was here with my parents for a trip or something.”

“You would have liked it,” she said, then gave him a smile. “And you would have really liked taking Jake through it. His eyes were like saucers the whole time.”

Josh smiled tiredly. “I bet.”

“Of course, that wasn’t quite as entertaining as catching Hannah just before she took a header into the fountain at the Children’s Museum because she was trying to touch all the shiny pennies at the bottom.”

Although he knew she was only trying to include him in their day, her words made him more tired. He hated that he’d missed being there in person. 

He stared down at his hands. “Sounds like something Hannah might do,” he said softly.

“So are you ready to talk about it?” Donna asked gently after a long silence. “I didn’t press it while you were eating because your mom was there. But I can tell you’ve got something on your mind.”

Laying his hands on her waist he pulled her close enough that he could rest his forehead against her stomach. “I guess I’ve put it off long enough, haven’t I?”

“Is this about the thing in Leo’s office you started to tell me about on the phone?” 

He tried to center himself by inhaling the scent of her. “Yeah, it is,” he said not looking up.

“What’s wrong, Josh?” she asked quietly as she gently combed her fingers through his hair. “What happened today?”

Finally, he lifted his head and sighed. “It’s kind of a long story.”

She sat down next to him on the bed. “Well, I’ve got the time.”

He took her hand in his and looked at their clasped hands for a long moment. “This is the part where I tell you I’ve got good news and bad news,” he looked into her eyes. “Then again, you might think it’s all good news...I don’t know.”

“Josh, you really need to stop beating around the bush. At this point I don’t know if I should be scared spitless or ready to throw a party.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to talk in riddles. I’m just not sure where to start or how you’re going to take what I have to tell you.” He let out a long breath. “Okay, here goes...the good news is you’re being promoted.”

Donna didn’t react right away. At first she just looked confused. “What do you mean I’m being promoted?”

“Leo’s promoting you to Special Assistant to the Chief of Staff,” he gave her a little smile. “You get your own office and everything.”

“Leo’s promoting me?”

“Yeah, he told me this morning.”

She looked as if she was trying to figure out a really difficult problem. "Why is he promoting me?"

"Because he realized what an asset you are and how helpful you'd be to the entire senior staff," Josh said. 

"But why now? I mean it seems kind of sudden."

"Well, it's related to the State of the Union so there isn't much time. Your first project will be working with Sam to help with mandatory minimums and presidential pardons the president wants to include in the speech."

"But I don't know anything about that," she pointed out.

He gave her hand a squeeze. "Donna, you have a good eye and a quick mind. You'll do great. Sam needs someone to help read through the potential pardon candidates and cull the list." He smiled. "You'll probably even get to make note cards."

Rather than the smile he'd expected, Donna looked like she'd finally figured out that difficult problem. “Wait...” Her gazed narrowed at him. "...is this because we’re together?"

He thought about lying, but not only didn't he think he could pull it off but he thought Donna deserved the truth.

"Partly," he said. 

“But Josh, I don’t want a promotion if it’s only because we’re together and they want to separate us,” she argued. “I’d rather get another job somewhere else that I at least earned myself.”

“God, Donna, of course you’ve earned it. Leo wouldn’t just promote you to a position like this if he didn’t think you did.”

Still dubious, she studied him for a moment. “You really think so?” 

“I know so,” Josh assured her. “He thinks...and so do I...that you can do this and that you’re ready to move beyond just working for me.”

“You do?”

He pulled her into a hug. “Of course I do.”

After a moment, she pulled back. “Did you fight Leo on it?” she asked.

“Yeah, I did,” he said, pressing on quickly before she could say anything. “Not because I don’t think you can do the new job. In fact, I think you’ll shine in it. I told you I’m selfish. I don’t want you working for anyone else but me.”

“Don’t I have any say in this?” she asked. 

“I asked him the same thing. He said he’s already made his decision.”

“But what if I don’t want to be promoted?”

He was touched by her devotion and loyalty to him and because of it he knew he had to encourage her as much as possible.

“Donna, of course, you want to be promoted. You’ve been talking about doing more for months now. It’s only out of loyalty to me that you want to fight it. And while I appreciate that loyalty more than you know, it’s time for you to do more,” he gave her a smile, even though part of him was heart sick about letting her go. “You’ll get that raise you’re always pestering me about. In fact, you’ll get a great big fat raise. This is good a move for you. You’ll have more responsibility, and experience...”

“And that’s great, but Josh, what about US?” she interrupted as she paced away, then she whirled to face him. “I mean, is it safe to assume we won’t be working together anymore?”

He supposed it was petty of him, but he couldn’t help but be a little happy she didn’t seem at all thrilled about that point.

“Yeah, that’s the bad news part of the good news/bad news thing,” Josh replied. “He might assign you to me for a project or something at some point, but overall...no. We won’t be working together.”

She frowned. “And you’re okay with that?”

“No, of course not! Haven’t you been listening?” he said trying to control his temper. “I’m going to miss you like I’d miss breathing.”

“Exactly my point. If we’re not working together, what’s going to happen to us?” she asked. “I’ll never see you.”

With a sigh, Josh scrubbed a hand over his face. “I’ll see you all the time. It’s not like you’ve been banished to the basement. Your new office is three doors down from mine.”

“But we’ll be working on different things, different projects.”

“That’s true, but Donna...” He laid his hands on her shoulders. “...you’re forgetting one very important thing. We’re pretty much living together now and I’ll see you here at home. In fact, this new arrangement will probably give us more freedom in our personal life.”

She seemed to consider that. “Well, I guess you have a point there, but...”

“But, what?”

“What if...I mean, what...” Her voice caught then and she pressed a hand to her mouth as if to hold back a sob. 

“Hey, hey, what’s this?” he said pulling her back into a hug.

She seemed to hold onto him for a moment, almost like she was drawing strength from him, then pulled away. Tears swam in her eyes and her voice was full of them when she looked at him. 

“I just...the biggest part of us has always been our working relationship and now we won’t have that. What if it comes between us? What if we need that?”

In her eyes, he could see just how much the possibility scared her. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t worry him too. 

“I can’t give you a guarantee, Donna. I don’t know what will happen in the future.” He sighed. “All I do know is that I love you and I want to do everything I can to make things work out for us. Even if that means I have to let you go. It’s like that old saying, if you love something you have to set it free.”

Despite her tears, Donna snorted and laughed a bit wetly. “God, Josh, that was really bad,” she said with a sniffle. “You better hope I don’t tell Sam or Toby you said that or they may revoke your man card.”

“Thanks. Here I am trying to be sincere and you're mocking me.” But he really wasn’t all that offended and he couldn’t suppress the grin that appeared. “Okay, so it was pretty bad, but the sentiment behind it wasn’t.”

The smile faded from her eyes and was replaced by something deeper. “No it wasn’t,” she said softly. “I love you too, Josh and I want to make things work out for us just as much as you do. It’s just that this is all such new territory for us and I worry that something is going to wreck it and it will be my fault.”

“Well, given both our track records, it’s more likely that I’ll do something stupid to wreck it and not you.” 

When he saw fresh tears swim in her eyes, he realized his little almost-joke hadn’t helped so he pulled her tightly against him.

“You aren’t going to wreck it...WE’RE not going to wreck it,” he whispered into her hair. “We’ve come too far together.” He pulled back and brushed a tear off her cheek. “Okay?” 

“Okay,” she agreed with a little smile as she swiped at a second tear on her other cheek. “So do I really get a raise?”

“A BIG raise,” he said with a grin. “And Will’s old office.”

“Will’s old office?” she said in mock awe. “Will’s old office is almost as big as yours.”

“Hey it’s not the size of the office, but how you use it,” he quipped.

Donna rolled her eyes. “So do I need to help hire you a new assistant? Preferably someone about 85 with no teeth and a figure like an overstuffed water balloon.”

“Sorry to dash your hopes there Donnatella, but they won’t be needing your input,” he said walking over to sit back down on the bed. “They’ve already got it all figured out.”

“Okay, so what unfortunate soul is going to replace me?”

“Well, no one could replace you,” he pointed out. “But Ginger will be the one working as my assistant.”

“Ginger? What’d they have to promise her to get her to agree to that?” she asked. “No wait, better yet, what did they promise Toby to get him to give her up?”

“As it turns out, I’m not the only one getting a new assistant. They’re hiring that Rina girl permanently for Toby.”

Donna frowned as she tried to place the name. “Oh, the one from the Shutdown that’s been helping him with the polling for the State of the Union and dresses like she’s auditioning for the next episode of The Dating Game?"

“The same one,” Josh confirmed with a laugh. “As for why Ginger’s doing it, I think Toby talked her into it.”

Donna nodded as she undid her robe and hung it up in the closet. “You okay with Ginger?”

Now that he’d told Donna about her new job and she’d taken it well, he thought he should leave well enough alone and avoid the other part of what he wanted to talk to her about. But his mind kept chewing on what CJ had said about him taking advantage of her. Well, he could hardly be accused of that now, could he? He was clearly putting her needs and her happiness ahead of his.

“Josh?”

A little startled, his head snapped up to look find her frowning at him. “Uh, what?” 

“I asked if you were okay with Ginger being your assistant?”

“Oh, yeah, she’s always seemed competent enough.” 

Like a bloodhound with a scent, she was studying him curiously. “Josh?”

“Yeah?”

“Is there something else on your mind?”

“No, that’s it.”

She cocked her head at him and he knew he’d been less than convincing. “Josh? Is there something about the promotion that you’re not telling me?”

“No, I told you everything about the promotion.” Well, it was the truth.

“But there IS something else?” she said filling in the blanks as she so often did. 

“No, I don’t know why you would...” When he saw the look on her face...the one that said she didn’t believe him for a minute, he sighed. “Okay, yeah...but it’s more of a me thing than a you thing, so it’s not important. Let’s forget it.”

She walked over to him. “I don’t want to forget it. If it’s a ‘you’ thing then it’s important to me.”

Taking her hand, he stared at it for a moment to gather some courage, then looked up at her. “Do I take advantage of you?”

“What?”

His mouth threatened to run away from him. “I mean, I know I can be selfish when it comes to sharing you with others, but I don’t actually take advantage of you, do I?” he asked.

Donna was frowning as she looked down at him. “Where did you get that idea?”

“When I was in Leo’s office this morning,” he replied. “I was told I take advantage of you.”

“Who told you that?”

He wasn’t about to tell her about CJ’s dog on a leash comment. “That’s not important right now. I just want to know if it’s true. DO I take advantage of you?"

“No,” she said making an attempt to smile.

Donna’s poker face was almost as bad as his own. As soon as the word was out of her mouth, he had his answer. Oddly it didn’t surprise him. Maybe because in some part of him, he already knew it was true.

“Oh, my God, I take advantage of you,” he said. 

“No, you don’t,” she argued but her answer was weak at best.

He flopped back on the bed. “Yes, I do. Crap, I can’t believe I’m such an idiot.”

“Don’t say that.” She dropped onto the bed next to him. “Okay, sometimes you take advantage of me...a little." 

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Because I don’t mind. It's not a big deal," she said, trying to shrug it off.

He sat up again. “No, Donna, it IS a big deal and we need to talk about it.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” she argued. “I know you don't mean to do it.”

“Yeah, ‘cause knowing I’m an ‘oblivious’ jerk makes me feel so much better,” he said. “I’m like the freakin’ emperor with no pants on.”

Donna sighed. “Josh, you’re over reacting.”

“I don’t think I am,” he told her. “We need to talk about this. We said we were going to start communicating about US and I think this qualifies.”

"All right, we can talk about it. But seriously Josh, the only one beating you up over this is you. Okay, so sometimes you take advantage of me. That’s because you need me and you lean on me for things.”

“But...” he tried to interject but she continued talking.

“And you know, I’m not totally blameless either,” she pointed out. “I help you do it. In fact, a lot of times I encourage you to do it by not saying anything. And because of that you assume that I'll go along with what you want."

Once again, he heard CJ’s dog on a leash comment echo in his head. 

“So now you’re blaming yourself for ME being a jerk?” he asked incredulously.

Donna rolled her eyes. “Stop saying you’re a jerk. You’re not a jerk...a little self-absorbed sometimes, but not a jerk.”

He supposed ‘self-absorbed’ was sort of an improvement over ‘jerk.’ “How can I fix this?” he asked.

“There’s nothing to fix,” she insisted.

“I think there is. So what can I do?”

Finally, she seemed to realize that he was serious. “Well...” she said, giving it careful thought. “I guess I’d like it if you consulted me once in a while...at least about personal things like the kids and you and me.”

“Okay, I can do that,” he agreed. “But you need to do something for me.”

“What’s that?”

“You have to tell me when I’m taking advantage of you,” he said. 

“I will."

“I’m serious Donna," he persisted. "You HAVE to tell me.”

"All right, Josh, I said I would," she said. "Unless you want me to sign a contract or something, you'll just have to take my word for it."

He could hear the slight irritation in her voice and he thought maybe he'd pushed it a little too far. 

"I just don't want to be like the other gomers that have used you," he said with quiet seriousness.

Her face registered surprise and then softened. "Josh..."

Dropping his gaze, he stared at his hands. "You deserve better than another Freeride or Commander Wonderful."

With a soft smile, she ran a hand down his cheek and lifted his face so he was looking at her. "You could never be like them. There's no comparison. And I mean that in a good way...the best of ways."

Something that had been tightening in the center of his chest ever since the meeting in Leo's office that morning, finally began to ease. "I'll do my damnedest to not disappoint you."

"I know you will." Cocking her head, she studied him quietly for a moment. "Josh, was there anyone else was in Leo's office during your meeting this morning?"

"What difference does it make?" he said evasively.

"It makes a difference to me," she replied. "Please tell me."

"Why?"

"Because I'm asking you to," she said simply.

"There might have been."

"Josh..." she chided.

He didn't see how he could keep from telling her. She probably already knew the answer anyway. "Toby and CJ."

Rather than the long tirade he'd expected, she simply nodded. And yet, there was something protective and just a bit...predatory in her eyes. 

"Can we please not talk about it anymore?" he pleaded. 

She continued to watch him. "I think I heard everything I need to know." 

There was no malice in her voice and yet it made the hairs on the back of his neck prickle a little. "Donna, let it go."

"You worry too much, Josh," she said walking to the bedroom door.

His eyes followed her as she locked the door and then returned to him. Standing in front of him, her eyes were a smoky blue as her gaze locked with his. She grasped the waistband of her flannel pants and pushed them to the floor. Her t-shirt joined it a moment later. 

With what little blood was currently making its way to his brain, he noted with some amusement that she didn't seem to care that her clothes weren't properly put away. Given that she was now dressed in only a rather miniscule pair of bikini underwear, it was also the last coherent thought he knew he was going to have for a while.

Now standing proudly before him, she ran a hand lightly through his hair. “Make love to me, Josh,” she said softly and her next words echoed the same ones he’d said to her at the hotel. “The rest will take care of itself.”

**********  
Chapter 30

Afterward, with the lights now off and the house quiet, Donna felt sleepy and very satisfied. Her most energetic activity right then was lying with her cheek pressed against Josh’s bare chest and listening to his heartbeat and the sound of his breathing. Despite the steady, even breaths she heard, she knew he was still awake. She could almost hear him thinking out loud in the darkness as his fingers absently stroked over her shoulder and down her arm. 

She had every intention of asking him just what he was thinking about, but she knew she had a little time before he could possibly manage to fall asleep, so she took a moment to soak in the day. 

It had been a good one. Despite the fact she'd missed Josh, she'd had fun with the kids and Anna. And this evening with him had been wonderful. She had to admit that a tiny part of her kept waiting for things to fall apart or take some weird turn, but so far every day...every time they were together, both in the biblical and the non-biblical sense, things seemed to get better and better. And tonight, she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t been a little baffled, but deeply touched by his concern over whether or not he was taking advantage of her.

"So, I was thinking…” he began quietly. Apparently he'd known she wasn't asleep either.

She smiled into the dark. "I noticed."

“How…?” He sighed. “Was I that obvious?”

“Just to me,” she said running her fingers over the slight ridge of one of the scars on his chest. “We’ve been around each other so long that I can generally tell when you’re thinking about something before you even realize it.”

“So then you know WHAT I was thinking too, right?”

“I’m tuned to you, Josh, not the Great Kreskin,” she said with a snort.

He chuckled a bit. “Well, I’m not so sure about that. You do have some freakish abilities when it comes to finishing my sentences.”

“That’s because you’re so predictable,” she teased.

“Oh, really?” he said with clear amusement. “You know, after the two orgasms you just had, I would think you’d be nicer to me.”

She snuggled into him. “I didn’t say sex with you was predictable, just the other stuff.”

“I still think I’ve been insulted, but there are too many endorphins dulling my brain right now to be sure.”

“Well, let me just say that you’re predictable to me. To anyone else you’re inscrutable… enigmatic...cryptic...inexplicable...mystifying...perplexing...”

“Wow, way to use the big words there, Donnatella,” he chuckled.

“I figured your ego would appreciate it, Mr. 760 Verbal,” she said. “Now, what weighty problem were you ruminating about?”

He was quiet for a moment, his fingers continuing to skim over her arm. 

“What do you think about us getting a house?” he finally said.

The question came slightly out of left field, but oddly, it didn’t really surprise her.

“Well, we could use more room,” she replied.

“That’s what I was thinking. The kids should have a yard to run around in and they should each have their own room. Right now they’re young enough not to mind, but when they get a little older I think it’s going to be a problem.”

“You’re right,” she agreed.

“We’d probably need to get a gardener for the yard since I haven’t mowed a lawn since I was twelve and I don’t exactly have a lot of time for that kind of thing.”

“A gardener sounds like a good idea.” 

Although she wasn’t going to say it, she had visions of frequent trips to the emergency room if he tried to do the yard work himself.

“And I’ve always wanted some kind of an office to work in when I’m home rather than having to do it at the kitchen table,” he said a bit absently as he started thinking out loud. “Maybe we could set up an office where we could both work. With your new job, I’m sure you’ll have work of your own to bring home.”

Donna’s heart swelled. She didn’t know which she loved more. The fact that he was thinking of her and the kids in the long term or that he was taking her, her abilities, and the new job she hadn’t started yet, seriously enough to want her to share an office with him as an equal and not an assistant.

“I’d like that,” she said with a slight catch in her voice that she wasn’t able to swallow.

Of course, Josh, being Josh, didn’t miss it for a second. She felt him turn toward her in the dark.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said as she blinked back a couple of tears. 

“Is it the office thing? Do you want your own? I know I can be a pain. It’s okay if you don’t want to share one with me,” he tried to backpedal and all but started babbling. “Or if you don’t want to get a house at all, we don’t have to. It was just a thought. If you’re not ready for that then we can wait. I’m not trying to push you.” 

“I know you’re not pushing me. And I like the idea of getting a house,” she assured him. 

“Really? You’re not just saying that?” he said. 

“No, I’m not just saying that.”

“’Cause if you’re worried about it being too much extra work, you won’t have to clean it or anything. If we get a gardener, we’ll get a maid or housekeeper or whatever.”

“You don’t have to keep trying to sell me on the idea, Josh. I said I like it, I’m on board,” she told him. “I just didn’t know YOU’D be ready for that yet.”

She could envision him frowning in the dark. “Then why do you sound like you’re about to cry?” he asked cautiously. 

Lifting her head from his chest, she moved her hand to his face and used it as a reference point so she could guide her mouth to his in the dark. The kiss she gave him was filled with lazy heat and a deep, lingering promise.

“Because, Joshua, sometimes you’re so sweet you just stun me senseless,” she said with quiet simplicity.

With her hand still on his face, she could feel him break into a grin. “I do that, do I?”

Even though he couldn’t really see her, she smiled down at him. “On a regular basis.” 

“Why did I not have this piece of information before now?” he asked.

“Because it would have swelled your head like to bursting.”

He chuckled. “Well, yeah, that goes without saying.”

“Besides...before I couldn’t show you how much I love it when your sweet side makes an appearance. But now, not only can I tell you, I can show you.”

Even in the dark, she could feel his breath quicken slightly for what they both knew was coming. 

“Show me? And just how do you propose to do that?”

Feeling a little wicked, she slid her body on top of his and felt the already hardening length of him settle between her legs.

“Oh, a little of this and a little of that,” she said with a purr. “I think you’ll be...pleased.”

His hands started at her waist, slid up over her back and settled in her hair to pull her face closer to his so he could kiss her. 

“Of that I have no doubt, Donnatella, no doubt at all.”

**********  
Taking a bite of the salad she was having for lunch, Donna read through number 6 of the 36 pardon files on her desk. As she’d done with the other 5 files before it and would do with the next 31, she reviewed the details and made notes on the circumstances of the case. She was sure to include the offender's background and prior convictions, notes from Justice with their recommendations, and any other tidbits that stood out to her. 

On one level it was interesting and something that was different from what she was used to, but on another, even with so few files completed, she was already a little depressed from reading their stories. It was going to be a long couple of weeks leading up to the State of the Union and it was only the afternoon of the first day of her new job.

A knock sounded on her door...’her door,’ now that was something she was going to have to get used to. “Come in,” she called.

Sam opened the door and walked in. “Hey,” he said closing the door behind him. “How’s it going?”

“Slowly,” she reported. “I don’t know how you do this every year, Sam. How do you get around the fact that some of their stories are so sad? It’s like picking out one puppy when you know the rest of them are going to go to the pound for the rest of their lives.”

Sam sighed. “I could give you some story about how my legal training gives me some kind of emotional distance or objectivity, but it would be crap,” he admitted. “Truth is, it is hard, especially when it comes to the files that have made it this far. In these cases, we’re not talking about murderers or violent offenders. Most of these are cases where, more often than not, people are in prison because the mandatory minimum law is badly and unfairly written and because the offenders were just unlucky or stupid.”

Donna blew out a breath. “You’re giving me a real boost here, Sam.”

He smiled a little sadly. “Sorry. If it helps any, I think time and experience going through files like these helps dull the sensitivity to it.”

“So you're saying by the time I’m done with all these, I’ll have a thick enough skin to be ready for more?” she said trying to make a joke.

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far,” he said giving her a grin. “But I know you’ll do fine. I would, however, recommend taking a break from it about every 10 files or so. Get some air or go down to the mess.” He grinned. “Or, you know, go bug Josh.”

She managed a genuine grin this time. “Ah, yes, my favorite hobby.”

“By the way, nice flowers,” he told her.

She turned and looked at the vase on the credenza behind her that was holding 3 dozen long stemmed roses in a rainbow of colors. They must have been hideously expensive, but just looking at them lightened the load on her heart a little.

"They're gorgeous, aren't they," she said as she turned back to him and couldn't suppress a soft smile. "They're from Josh. He wanted to wish me well on my first day."

"I figured," Sam replied.

Josh had also made a couple of suggestive remarks on the card about what they could do later that night, but she wasn't going to mention that part to Sam and the card was safely tucked in her purse.

"So, did you need my help with something?" Donna asked him.

"No, I just wanted to see how you were doing. Plus I needed a break from my computer," he said dropping down into the one guest chair in her new office. "My eyes were starting to go. You know I liked writing speeches better when Toby wrote 37 pages of the speech and I wrote two and a half paragraphs. Of course, my paragraphs were BETTER than his 37 pages, but still." 

They both laughed for a moment. "So now that Toby's guiding the message and not writing it, I take it that's a lot harder on you," Donna surmised.

"Yeah, and it's not so much the more writing I mind but the fact that Toby's in my face so much. At least when he was writing he was occupied and out of my hair for the most part. Now he's in my office every 2 seconds questioning every syllable and punctuation mark." Sam let out a long-tired breath. "To make matters worse, I haven't seen Ainsley in three days. I've talked to her on the phone, but every time I get up to go see her in person, Toby intercepts me. It's like he's got radar or something."

"So how did you escape to come visit me?" she asked.

Sam cocked his head slightly. "That's a good question. He wasn't in his office when I got up out of my chair so I just made a break for it." 

Since they were on the subject of Toby, Donna thought it was a good time to ask Sam a couple of gentle questions.

"Um, Sam, were you in Leo's office when they told Josh about my promotion?"

"Nope, I was in my office chained to my laptop working on the new section of the speech," he replied. "Why?"

“Oh, I was just curious," she said, trying to sound casual. "Did know about the meeting?”

"No, not until afterward when Toby told me what was decided." He gave her a little grin. "Although I have to say I was a little surprised that I didn’t find out about it by hearing Josh screaming all the way in my office."

Donna frowned. "Screaming? Why?"

"Everyone knows how much Josh depends on you," Sam said. "While I’m sure he knew you deserved the promotion, he couldn’t have been happy about letting you go."

“He told me he wasn’t exactly thrilled," she agreed. "But he'd also predicted something like this might happen when we got together."

"Well, his loss is definitely my gain,” Sam said with a smile. “Thanks for all your help with these pardon files. If I was doing it all by myself I’d probably be ready to jump off the top of the Washington Monument by now."

As she suspected, Sam hadn't been involved in the pow-wow with Josh. She was very pleased about that. 

"Glad I could help," she said, and she meant it. 

"Well, I better get back before Toby sends out a lynch mob."

Donna grinned as he stood up and walked to the door. "Feel free to hide in here anytime," she told him.

"Be careful or you may find me camped under your desk just to find some peace," he only half-joked.

Donna was struck with an idea. "Speaking of hiding, if you think you can get away from Toby and you don't already have plans, why don't you and Ainsley come over to our place for New Years Eve? I'll make dinner and we'll talk or play cards or watch whatever's on TV." Her grin widened. "And we'll hide you two from Toby for the night."

Sam looked like he’d just been offered a get-out-of-jail-free card. "I'll ask Ainsley and let you know, but it sounds terrific."

"SAM!" Toby's bellow came from somewhere on the other side of the door.

"You see what I'm dealing with?" he said, looking at Donna.

"SAM, where the hell are you?!"

He looked up at the ceiling. "Give me strength."

It was one of those funny, not funny things, and although she wanted to smile, she managed to suppress it. "Sorry, Sam," she said sympathetically.

"I guess I better go take my medicine before he really gets mad," he said as he opened the door. "Let me know if you have any questions about the pardon files."

"Thanks, Sam, I will."

With that he stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind him.

"There you are!" she heard Toby say a few seconds later. "Where the hell have you been? We've got work to do and you're out wandering the halls!"

"Sorry, Toby," she heard Sam shoot back. "I forgot to get my hall pass from you before I left the room. Now I can stand here and argue with you or I can get back to work, but I can't do both. Which is it going to be?"

Shaking her head, she finally let herself smile as their voices faded away. As much as she felt for Sam and as much as she was annoyed with Toby for what she saw as his part in the meeting with Josh, she couldn't help but be amused by their interaction. They often sounded so much like the odd couple or an old married couple that it was really pretty comical.

Picking up the next file on the pile, she flipped it open and started reading through the information on a high school senior named Donovan Morrissey.

**********  
Closing the file on one Daisy Hanes, Donna rested her chin in her hand and stared at a non-existent spot on the wall. It was the morning of her third day on the job and although she'd found the other files sad and often depressing, this one somehow got to her on a deeper level. The misfortune that the mother of three had suffered was not really her fault and for reasons Donna herself couldn't quite figure out, she couldn't get the case out of her head.

Trying to shake off the mood she'd gotten herself into, Donna reached over and picked up the next file from the slowly shrinking pile. Laying the file on the desk, she couldn't bring herself to open it. Each file had a picture included with it and their faces swam in her head like a ghostly crowd. She dragged a hand through her hair. Maybe it was time for a break.

With a sigh, she reached her hands over her head and stretched. It was amazing how stiff she was getting just by sitting at her desk pouring over these files. When she'd worked with Josh, there had been long periods where she'd sat at her desk, but there had also been an almost equal number of times where she'd been running around after him or doing stuff for him so she'd gotten at least some exercise. Now she just sat at her desk, barely moving except to turn pages and make notes. 

Standing up, she stepped out of her office and walked through the Operations bullpen toward Josh's office. Maybe a quick visit to see him would help her mood. Her disappointment was palpable when she found his office empty.

"Ginger? Do you know where Josh is?"

Ginger looked up from her computer. "Hey, Donna. Yeah, he had to go to the Hill and meet with Congressman Anders."

So he wasn't even in the building. That fact only added to her disappointment. "Oh, okay. Thanks."

"You want to leave a message for him? I think he'll be back in about a half hour."

"Um, no. That's okay. I just wanted to check-in."

"Okay," Ginger said with a smile before she went back to the report she was working on.

Donna stood there watching Ginger sitting at her old desk. She longed to ask her how things were going. But she was a little worried about what Ginger would say.

If Ginger said Josh was a tyrant and she cursed the day she ever agreed to work with him then Donna knew she would want to volunteer to go back to her old job as his assistant. If she did that, Donna suspected everyone, including herself, would see that as an indication that she was weak or was taking a step back or couldn't hack it at the big kids' table. That in turn would reflect badly on Josh and that was the last thing she wanted.

On the other hand, if things were going really well for Josh and Ginger, Donna was self-aware enough to know that she would feel jealous of their new working relationship. A relationship that she no longer had with Josh. 

Maybe it was better to let that sleeping dog lie.

Ginger's voice shook her out of her reverie. "Did you need something else, Donna?"

"Oh, no nothing," she said with a shake of her head. "Sorry, I guess my mind was wandering."

Hurrying away before Ginger could ask any more questions, Donna found herself walking past the Communications bullpen. As she suspected, Sam's office was closed and the blinds were drawn. In the outer office, Toby was reading a large colored chart while pacing a hole in the floor and all but daring anyone to approach.

She definitely wasn't going to find a break there so she walked on.

Before she realized where she was going, she found herself standing near Carol's desk a few feet from CJs office. Her heartbeat sped up ever so slightly. Ever since she'd found out about the 'meeting of the minds' in Leo's office, Donna had made a concerted effort to avoid CJ. To be honest, Donna had been afraid of what she might say to CJ if they were alone.

She acknowledged that Josh had said CJ AND Toby had been in the meeting in Leo's office. Consequently, she knew that Toby must have had a hand in some of the goings-on over her promotion. How much of a hand, she could only guess since Josh had refused to give her any other details. But given the history of CJ's comments in regards to her and Josh, Donna placed more blame on her shoulders. 

As she stood there, Donna could see that CJ was sitting at her desk reading something and she wondered if she'd been unfair to CJ. She hadn't even given her a chance to defend or explain herself. And with her new job, Donna knew there was a possibility that she'd be helping CJ with a project at some point and if things between them were strained it would make it that much harder.

Maybe it was time to stop assuming and start getting some facts.

Carol wasn't sitting at her desk, so Donna took a deep breath and walked over to stand in CJ's open doorway.

"Hi, CJ," she said trying to sound as casual as possible.

CJ's head snapped up. A flash of surprise crossed her face before she could cover it. Clearly, Donna was one of the last people she expected to see standing in her doorway.

"Hey, Donna," she said.

"Do you have a minute?" Donna asked. "I don't want to interrupt if you're in the middle of something."

"You're not interrupting at all, come in and have a seat."

The pleasant tone in CJ's voice gave Donna a little encouragement. "Thanks," Donna said as she sat down in one of CJs visitor's chairs.

"By the way, I haven't had a chance to say it yet, but congratulations on the new job."

Although her new job was a touchy subject where CJ was concerned, Donna managed a smile. "Thanks, I appreciate it."

"So how's it going?"

"Well, it's only been a couple days, and reviewing all the files is a lot more grueling than I expected, but working with Sam is great."

Clearly relaxing a bit, CJ smiled as she pulled off her glasses. "I imagine getting out from under Josh's thumb is a nice side benefit too."

Donna's stomach clenched and she tried not to let a renewed burst of anger get the better of her. "Actually, it's been kind of hard not working for Josh anymore. We had a certain rhythm that I miss," Donna said with a little more tightness in her voice than she wanted CJ to hear. 

CJ looked a little taken aback by her answer. "Oh, well, of course it would be tough. You've worked together for so long that a change would be difficult." A weird pause fell over them like a dampening blanket. "So what brings you by?" CJ said trying to change the subject.

But Donna wasn't going to let it go. It was time to resolve this. "I was just stretching my legs and saw you sitting in your office." She paused a beat. "I thought maybe we should talk."

Her expression a little wary, CJ stared at her for a very long moment. "I got the impression you might have been avoiding me for the last few days," she finally said.

Donna decided to go with the direct approach. "I have been."

"Can I ask why?"

"I was angry, and didn't want to say something I might regret," Donna said, her even tone in direct contradiction with her words.

Now CJ looked really surprised. "You're angry? At me?"

"Yes."

"I was afraid of that," she said. 

She’d kept her response just a little vague and hoped that CJ wouldn't realize she was doing a little fishing for information.

"Well, you can hardly blame me after what you said to Josh in Leo's office the other morning when you were talking about my promotion."

"But I...but we...okay." CJ sighed and got up to close the door. "What do you want to know?”

Given the fact that she was bluffing, Donna chose her words carefully. “I’d just like you to explain some of the things you said to Josh about him taking advantage of me,” she said as CJ sat back down in her chair.

With a slight air of resignation, CJ nodded. “You know, I'm glad you're going to let me tell my side of it. I’d hate to think what Josh has told you.”

Hmm, now they were getting somewhere.

Donna kept her expression neutral. “It occurred to me that I was being unfair by only looking at things from what Josh told me.” 

All right, so Josh hadn’t told her much of anything. Donna suspected that was out of a desire to not only protect her but to keep her from being any more angry at CJ than she already was. And as much as she appreciated him doing that, she wanted to know what was being said about her...about THEM and why he would feel the need to protect her from it.

“Well, in my own defense, I was just trying to get through to him. You know what a hard head he can have sometimes and he was pretty angry about the idea of Leo promoting you out of his office.”

“He told me he wasn’t exactly thrilled.”

“He told you that?” CJ said in surprise. “I figured he’d neglect to mention that part.”

“No, he told me. Actually, he pretty much tells me everything.” She gave a small grin. “Not state secrets or anything classified, of course, but you get what I mean.”

CJ looked like Donna had let some of the air out of her sails. “Sure,” was all she said. 

Donna nodded. “I think it’s because we spent so long not being honest with each other about how we felt.”

“So things are going well with you two?” CJ asked weakly.

“Yeah, they’re great.” 

“They are?” CJ said carefully.

Donna nodded and decided to give CJ a little gem she didn’t deserve. “In fact, we’ve even been talking about getting a house so we’ll have more room.”

CJ blinked in surprise. “Seriously?”

“You sound surprised,” Donna said.

“No, of course not, I...,” she sighed. “I guess I thought maybe this thing with you two would turn out to be some kind of office romance or something and you’d get it out of your systems pretty quickly. I mean this place isn’t exactly easy on relationships.”

“No I don’t suppose it is,” Donna agreed. 

“And Josh isn’t exactly known for commitment or longevity when it comes to relationships.”

Part of Donna knew that CJ was playing devil’s advocate or trying to make sure Donna was aware of what she was getting herself into with Josh. The funny thing was, Donna knew exactly what she was getting into with him and it made her want him that much more. She also didn’t like the apparently low opinion CJ seemed to have of him.

“He asked me to marry him, CJ, that sounds pretty committed to me,” Donna pointed out.

“So, he DID ask you?”

“He certainly did.”

“Huh, I never thought he’d go through with it," CJ said almost absently. "I mean when he was looking for you he told us that he’d planned to propose, but honestly I didn’t think he'd do it.”

“Be that as it may, he did ask me.”

CJ cocked her head. "So why aren’t you getting married?"

Donna hated feeling like she had to defend herself to CJ.

"Because I turned him down...for now," she said. "I wanted more time to get to know him on this level before we took that step. But I do intend to take that step."

"Going slow sounds like a good idea."

Donna looked at CJ squarely. “But even if we never get married, we’re not going anywhere, CJ. Josh and I are in for the long haul.”

"Okay," CJ said.

But the tone she used sounded more like 'we'll see' and it irritated Donna even more. 

“Anyway, I think we got a little off track," Donna said going back on the offensive. "You were telling me how Josh was having a meltdown about my promotion and you were trying to get through to him."

CJ looked a little surprised that Donna wasn't trying to further convince her. "Oh, right. Well, he was arguing about you taking the new job and I told him that you were capable and should be doing more than answering his phones."

Taking a cue from something she'd seen Toby do, she sat there and didn't say anything and waited for CJ to say more. She didn't have to wait long.

"Then I told him that if he didn't let you grow, he'd be taking advantage of you and he should do what's best for you and not himself."

Donna nodded, but continued to remain silent. Everything CJ was saying only confirmed what she'd suspected. The weird thing was it didn't make her angrier at CJ, it just made her kind of sad. On some level, CJ's motive might have been well-intentioned, but what it really did was make Donna realize just what CJ thought of her.

CJ continued on. "Then I pointed out that you were so valuable, any number of people would have already snapped you up if they didn't live in fear of what Josh would do to them."

"Okay," Donna said slowly. Then she took a final shot in the dark. "Is there anything else you'd you like to explain?"

CJ stared at her with an unreadable expression. "I know what you're thinking. I crossed the line with the whole 'dog on a leash' comment but if you'll let me explain..."

Donna's stomach took a weird dip. Dog on a leash? What the hell was that about?

"Yes, I think that one deserves an explanation," Donna said as if she knew all about it.

"Well, all I was really trying to do was point out how loyal you've been to him and how much he's taken advantage of that over the years to keep you around. Granted, maybe I shouldn't have compared you to a dog on a leash, but I was just..."

The rest of her statement was lost because in that instant, Donna's ears stopped working and she lost the ability to breathe. For a very long moment, she sat there very still. 

A dog on a leash? Is that what CJ really thought of her?

"Donna?"

Donna’s gaze snapped up to meet CJs. “How could you say such a thing?” she somehow managed to say.

A look of stunned realization crossed CJ’s face. “Oh, God. Josh didn’t tell you that part, did he?”

Donna could just imagine that Josh had been nearly as horrified by CJ's comments as she was. The description wasn’t very flattering to either of them. His heightened concerns about taking advantage of her and his somewhat evasive answers about the meeting made a lot more sense to her now.

“Of course he didn’t, CJ. Even if we weren’t together, he would never have told me such a thing,” Donna said quietly, but with a very steely tone in her voice. “He knows just how much a comment like that would hurt me, especially coming from someone I’ve always respected.” 

“Donna...” CJ fumbled. “I’m sorry...like I said I got carried away. We were arguing and it just...slipped out.”

“But you meant it, didn’t you?” Donna said with a touch of anger now in her voice. “You wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t think it, right?”

For someone who made her living being a mouthpiece, CJ seemed to be having a great deal of trouble speaking. She opened her mouth but couldn’t seem to make any words come out.

Donna studied her for a moment. CJ had always been someone she looked up to. A mentor...the big sister she never had...a friend. She had a confidence and a strength that Donna had always admired. There had even been moments when she’d thought, ‘Wow, look at her life. That’s the kind of person I’d like to be.’ But now she could see that she needed to find her own life rather than envying or trying to emulate CJ’s. 

Donna smiled a little sadly. Heroes certain did die hard.

“I was just trying to look out for your future,” CJ finally said trying to defend herself. “I knew Josh would never let you go if I didn’t push him hard.”

Donna’s hands were clenched tightly in her lap so CJ wouldn’t see them shaking. “Yes, I suppose Josh did need some major league pushing to let me go, but that’s between me and him. It might have been a little selfish of him to try and hang onto me, but at least it wasn’t because he didn’t think I could do bigger things.”

“That’s not why I said what I said either,” CJ told her. “In fact, for the record, I’m the one who told Leo he should give you the promotion.”

“So the promotion was your idea and not Leo’s?”

CJ stared at her for a second, her expression just like the one she used when the press tripped her up on something. 

“It was my suggestion and he agreed,” she said. “I felt it would look better for the press if you weren’t working directly for Josh and we both agreed that you could do the job.”

Despite what CJ had just said, the new job now felt a little tainted to Donna. As if she hadn’t really earned it or if it had been given to her out of some kind of pity.

“No, you thought I was too weak to cut the cord with Josh so you had to step in and do it for me as if I were some kind of child. You never stopped to consider that maybe I wanted to stay with him and that by staying, I was doing what I thought was right for me. Right for ME and not for you...not for anyone else.”

“I think you’re overreacting,” CJ said, but the guilty tone in her voice contradicted her words.

“Am I?” Donna asked. “You knew this wouldn’t go over well with me or Josh. You, Toby and Leo completely cut us out of the decision making process. You didn’t talk to me or Josh about it until after the decision was made and you were ready to hand down your edicts like some tribunal passing judgment.”

“But...” CJ tried.

Donna didn’t let her finish. “And then maybe worst of all, you not only made Josh into the messenger by making him give me the news, but the three of you ganged up on him and made him doubt himself.” She took a breath. “For that alone, I don’t think I can ever forgive you.”

“Donna,” CJ pleaded. “I...we really did have your best interests at heart. You’ll do great things in this new job and I think it will be good for you to do something apart from Josh.”

By then, CJ’s off-handed praise sounded empty and condescending. Standing, she tried to hide the fact that her knees were threatening to start shaking.

“Well, then, I guess it’s good that I no longer care what you think.” 

With that, Donna turned and left CJs office without a backward glance.

TBC


	7. Little Wonders: Chapters 31-35

**********  
Chapter 31

Rubbing her gritty eyes, Donna pulled her hair back into a messy bun and went back to the file she was reading. She felt beyond tired. Given the hour and the crappy day she’d had after the run-in with CJ earlier in the day, it wasn’t hard to understand why. 

Even Josh had gone home two hours ago. Although they’d ridden together that morning, Donna had decided to stay and work late. Consequently, he’d taken a cab home so at least one of them would be there to help Anna tuck the kids in at bedtime and left her the car. The odd role reversal they'd gotten themselves into in the last couple of days was not lost on either of them. 

Despite the fact that he’d done his level best to persuade her to leave with him, Josh hadn’t given her a hard time about staying or made her feel guilty in any way. As far as she knew he wasn’t aware of her ‘talk’ with CJ and he hadn’t seemed suspicious when she told him she wanted to stay late. Donna knew she could have taken files home with her and worked on them there, but she felt like she could concentrate better here without the sometimes chaos of home. She was determined to prove to herself and everyone else that she could do this new job and do it well.

Even if she felt like it was pounding her into the ground.

But her last reserves of energy were dwindling quickly and she realized if she started nodding off, she probably wasn’t doing any good for the people in the files she was reviewing. Case in point, she looked down at her pad of paper and realized she’d gone through the entire file in front of her without making one note.

There was also the fact she needed to stay awake long enough to drive home. She was thankful that Josh only lived in Georgetown and the drive would be mercifully short.

Putting the file back on the unread pile, she decided that she needed to call it a night. Stiffly, almost mechanically, she put on her coat and gathered her things. Her mind was on autopilot as she walked through the nearly deserted halls of the White House. Unlike her usual habit, she didn’t even nod a greeting to the night security guards as she left the building. 

Her tired hands fumbled with the keys, but she finally managed to find the button that unlocked the doors and turned off the alarm. She pulled open the door and dropped into the driver's seat. Even the act of raising her hand to put the key in the ignition seemed like too much of an effort. She desperately longed to rest her head against the cool steering wheel, but she was afraid if she did, she would go to sleep.

“Come on, Donna, get it together,” she admonished herself as she forced the key into the ignition and started the engine. The silver Audi smoothly turned over and with a hard shake of her head to try and clear it, she pulled out into the all but non-existent traffic.

She drove through the streets of DC and didn’t pass more than a handful of cars. The quiet, uneventful drive dulled her attention and she completely missed the “No Turn On Red” sign posted at the intersection she was pulling up to. She’d also missed the DC police car that was a few car lengths behind her. Like most cops, this one had no problem paying attention and saw her turn right against the light in clear violation of the sign.

Donna saw the flashing lights in her mirror and suddenly she was very awake. "God, can this day get any worse?" she muttered as she pulled over to the curb in a well lit area.

The officer, who actually turned out to be a short, stocky woman approached the car on the passenger side. Donna rolled the window down. 

"Good evening, ma'am. Could I see your license, registration, and proof of insurance?"

"Of course, officer," Donna said as she began to collect the requested items, then handed them over.

The police woman studied the documents for a moment. "Do you mind if I ask where you're headed this evening?"

"I was on my way home," Donna replied. "I live about four blocks from here."

"Have you had anything to drink this evening?"

Donna was a little surprised by the question. "No, I haven't. I was working late tonight."

The woman seemed to assess her for a long moment. Donna supposed it was something that cops did to try and figure out if the person they were interviewing was telling the truth or not. She just hoped there would be no sobriety test because while she hadn't had anything stronger than a soda to drink, she was so tired she'd probably fail it.

"Do you know why I stopped you this evening?"

"No, I'm afraid I don't," she answered honestly.

"You made a right turn back there against the light, which is prohibited," she explained. "Didn't you see the sign?"

"No, I didn't."

The police woman nodded. "All right, I'm going to have to give you a ticket for the moving violation. Wait here, I'll be right back."

Numbly, Donna nodded and the officer walked back to her patrol car. Donna leaned her head back against the seat and sighed. She was so tired and now she was going to have this ticket on her record. She'd have to pay it or go to traffic school. Great, just great. When it rained, it poured.

It didn't take long for the officer to return with the ticket. Donna scribbled out her signature as she was given instructions for paying or contesting the ticket. 

Donna handed back the ticket book and the police woman tore off a copy of the ticket and handed it to her along with her license and other documentation.

"Oh, and you might want to update your driver's license," she suggested. "You can be fined if you wait too long to change your address."

Donna frowned. "My driver's license?"

"Yes, it doesn't match the address on your registration," she said. "I'm assuming that since the car and registration is new, it's your license that needs to be updated."

"Thank you. I'll be sure to take care of it," Donna said even though her tired brain still wasn't making the connection.

Apparently satisfied, the officer nodded. "Well, have a good night and drive safely." With that, she turned and went back to her car.

Still confused, Donna stared down at her driver's license and the car's registration. There was something wrong with what she was looking at but she couldn't quite figure out what it was. And then, like a light switching on, it came to her.

Josh's name wasn't on the registration. Only her name was on it. That meant the car belonged to her. She'd always assumed it belonged to Josh.

He'd bought the car for her and just never told her. That was the only explanation. It would also explain why he hadn't gotten rid of his old car like he said he was going to.

Some part of her thought she should be annoyed or even angry that he hadn't told her. But the truth was, especially given that fact that they hadn't gotten together yet when he'd bought the car, it was about the nicest thing that anyone had ever done for her. Rather than being mad, she was immensely touched. 

"Oh, Josh," she said softly as she struggled not to cry.

Looking into the review mirror, she saw the police car was still parked behind her. If she sat there much longer, the police woman was going to get suspicious and come back to check on her. It probably wouldn't look very good if she found her sitting there crying.

Taking a deep breath, Donna put the registration away and shoved her license back into her purse. Then she put the car in gear and carefully pulled away from the curb. The remainder of the drive back to the apartment was short and uneventful and by some minor miracle, she found a parking space right in front of Josh's building.

Overwhelmed by the events of the day, her feet moved of their own volition and the next thing she knew she was opening the door to Josh's apartment with no memory of actually having walked there.

Josh was working on something at the dining room table and he looked up when she opened the door. "Hey, there you are. I was just getting ready to call you and see when you were coming home."

Just the sight of him made her feel safe, she couldn't imagine what a mess she'd be if he wasn't here. "Ah, yeah, sorry I'm so late," she said. "I kind of got on a roll."

"It no problem, I'm just glad you're home," he said with a frown developing on his face as he looked at her. Slowly, he stood up and walked over to her. "You okay? You look like you were run over by a truck."

"Yeah, it's just been a long day," she said trying to give him a smile. "Where's your mom?"

"She went to bed an hour ago," he told her. 

Donna nodded. "The kids okay?"

"Yeah, mom took them to the movies this afternoon and they had pizza for dinner." He grinned. "By the time I got home, she was letting them whip her butt at Chutes and Ladders. Needless to say, they were pretty tired." 

"Sounds like it," she replied listlessly.

"Oh, hey, I was talking to Toby about houses and..."

"Why did you talk to Toby about our business?" she interrupted.

Josh frowned in surprise. "Uh, well, it was kind of an accident. He heard me on the phone with a realtor and he asked me about it." 

She knew she was acting irrationally, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. "I don't want you to talking to him about our business."

He looked completely baffled by her words. "But he's my friend. I thought he was OUR friend, why shouldn't I talk to him?"

She felt raw and exposed. "Because he and CJ and everyone else in the White House are already too involved in our personal lives."

Josh's frown deepened. "Donna? What's wrong?"

Trying to get herself under control, she took a breath. "Nothing's wrong. I'm just tired," she said. "Can we talk about this later?"

"Um, sure," he said still frowning in confusion.

She was grateful that he was going to drop it. "Well, I'm dying to get out of these clothes, so I'm going to go change."

"All right, I was just finishing up so I'll be there in a minute," he said, but he was still giving her a strange look like he still wasn't sure if she was okay or not. Thankfully, he didn't question her further as she walked to the bedroom.

Coming to a stop, she stood in the middle of the dark bedroom and literally had no idea what to do next. It was as if even something as simple as undressing, was suddenly beyond her capacity. To compound things, she realized then that she was still wearing her coat and clutching her purse and car keys which she normally would have left by the front door.

In her determination to show that she could play in the big leagues, she hadn’t shed a tear over the thing with CJ. Even the blazing anger she’d felt after leaving CJ’s office had faded quickly leaving her tired and empty. 

But being here...being home, somewhere she felt safe, understood and appreciated, it began to resurface. The shame, the humiliation of what CJ had said...of what CJ thought, coupled with the sad stories of the people she'd been reading about all began to wash over her and she felt the tears rise perilously close to the surface. Before her legs gave out on her, Donna collapsed into in a nearby chair. 

That's where Josh found her a few minutes later.

"Donna?"

She kept her head down for fear that looking at him now would make her start crying.

"Yes?" she said.

"Why are you sitting here in the dark, still fully dressed?" he asked her.

"I'm tired," she said again, even though it didn't really answer his question.

She heard the bedroom door close and although Josh's bare feet made no sound as he crossed the room to her, she felt his presence anyway. She knew that if she looked up, he would be standing close enough that she could reach out and touch him.

"Donna. What's wrong?" he said quietly.

"Nothing," she said weakly.

"Donna..." he chided softly as his hand slid over her cheek and down to her chin which he lifted gently so she would look at him. "What's wrong?" 

She held up the yellow piece of paper still crumpled in her hand. "I got a traffic ticket."

And she burst into tears.

Kneeling down, Josh gathered her into a hug. "Hey, what is it? I know you can't be this upset over a traffic ticket." 

Pulling back so she could look at him, it took her a couple of breaths before she could manage to speak. "I don't think I can do this, Josh."

A stunned, almost terrified look crossed his face. “You can’t do what?” he said in a slightly strangled voice. “You mean us?”

The confusion his words caused effectively stopped her crying. "What? No, of course not."

"God, Donna you scared the crap out of me."

"Well, I'm sorry," she said as her voice got wobbly again and a few more tears leaked out. "I'm not exactly at my best here. I can’t believe you’d think I was talking about us."

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "Now, what can't you do?"

"This new job. I think it’s more than I can handle."

"Why would you say that?" he asked her. "All I hear is Sam raving about all the work you're doing and all the help you're giving him. You're doing great."

"These pardon files...the people in them...their stories are so hard to read."

"I know it must be hard, but pardoning them is a huge risk for the president. We have to cull the list and take the top three."

"Cull the list?" she asked him. "You tell me, who do we 'cull'? How about Daisy Hanes, a mother of three with two jobs, who had a boyfriend who stored a kilo in her closet? She's done eight years and is facing eleven more. That's longer than rapists and child molesters get. There are any number of Daisys. How do I pick three?"

"Donna..." Josh began.

"You haven't read these files or looked at these photos, and I don't blame you. I wish I never had. But I don't see a list anymore. These are people." 

"And we didn't put them in prison, Donna, but what you're doing could help get a few of them out," Josh said. "You have to remember that what you're doing is really important."

"It could have been me," she said suddenly. The words came out before she'd really even processed the thought. Now she realized why reading Daisy Hanes' file bothered her so much.

"What are you talking about?" Josh asked. "Of course, it couldn't be you. You'd never have gotten yourself in that situation."

"I might have," she said. "I never told you this, but Greg..." She sighed. "...Dr. Freeride, had a small drug problem. It was just pot. He said he needed to relax because he got all stressed out from medical school." 

Even though it had been Freeride’s problem and not hers, she felt embarrassed and ashamed and she dropped her gaze to stare at her hands.

"If I'd stayed and he'd moved onto other drugs, I could have been Daisy."

Josh was quiet for a moment. "Donna..." he said softly. When she didn’t look up, he lifted her chin gently. “You wouldn’t have been her,” he insisted. “You would have left him before it got that far. You're too smart to stay with someone like that." 

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because you already did it,” he said with a smile. “He was a world-class schmuck and you left him.” He tucked some hair behind her ear. “And if you don’t think that I haven’t been thankful for that every day since you walked into my life for the second time, then you’re just not paying attention.”

Her love for him rose up like a tide inside her blotting out the ugliness of her day and setting off a new wave of tears. She threw her arms around him and hugged him like she would never let go.

“I’m thankful for you too, Josh,” she whispered tearfully. “More than you can ever know.”

He rubbed her back for a minute. “Okay, but can you show your appreciation by not crying anymore?” he finally pleaded. “I hate it when you cry.”

She chuckled a little at that and pulled back to look at him. “I’ll try,” she said taking a couple of swipes at her face. “I’m sorry to cry all over you, I just....I had a really bad day.”

He traded a box of tissues for the traffic ticket, purse and keys in her hands. “Yeah, I noticed,” he said as she blew her nose. “So was it just the pardons and the traffic ticket or did something else happen today?”

She must have gotten a ‘deer-in-the-headlights’ look on her face because he started frowning again.

“Something else DID happen,” he guessed. 

Donna had planned to tell him anyway so now would be as good a time as any. “Yeah,” she said with a sigh.

“What was it?”

She looked at him a moment before answering. “I had a talk with CJ today.”

Now Josh was the one with the ‘deer-in-the-headlights’ look on his face. “About what?”

“The meeting with Leo where they told you about my promotion.”

With a resigned sigh, Josh dragged a hand through his hair. “What did she say?” 

“Not much, just that you were resistant to my promotion.”

He looked like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. “I already told you that.”

“I know,” she agreed. “She also told me that she thought I’d do well in the new job.”

He seemed to relax a little bit. "Which I also told you.”

She stared down at the tissue she was almost shredding in her lap. “Then she told me how they pushed me into this promotion because it would look better to the press." Then she did look at him. "And how it would have happened a long time ago if my loyalty to you didn’t keep me in the bullpen like dog on a leash.” 

Josh was silent but the anger and, what Donna suspected was fear of her reaction, was clearly evident on his face. “I’ll kill her,” he said quietly.

“No, Josh, it was my fault,” she said with a shake of her head. “I sort of tricked her into telling me.”

“What do you mean?” he asked with a frown.

“I went to see her and I let her think that you’d already told me and that I was there for an explanation. Apparently, I'm a pretty good actress because she had no problem telling me,” Donna smiled ruefully. “Boy, talk about being careful what you wish for.”

He walked over to her. “Why did you do that?” 

“Because, Josh, I knew there was something you weren’t telling me and I wanted to know what it was." 

"I didn't want you to know," he said quietly.

Reaching out, she took his hand. "I know."

He looked surprise. "You do?"

She nodded. "Yes. You knew that hearing something like that from someone I respected would have hurt me. And if I know anything, it's that you'd rather cut off your own arm than knowingly do something that would hurt me."

Josh's eyes got a little brighter. "But I've hurt you plenty of times," he said in a voice gone rough voice with regret.

Standing, she laid her hand on his cheek. "Occasionally you might do it by accident, we both might do it by accident, but never on purpose."

His arms went around her and he pulled her tight against him. "Have I mentioned that I don't deserve you?"

"Of course you do, in fact we deserve each other." She chuckled hugging him back. "In any case, you're stuck with me so get used to it."

"I think that can be arranged," he said inhaling the scent of her hair.

They were both quiet for a moment. "You don't think that, do you, Josh?" she asked softly.

Josh pulled back to look at her. "What do you mean?"

"The dog on a leash thing, You don't..."

He stopped her with a long, firm kiss that told her everything she needed to know. 

"No, I don't think that. I would never think that." he said. "You know how much I value loyalty, but her words imply that yours is blind and that you don’t have a will of your own. I know that every day you stay with me, whether it’s personally or professionally is a choice and a gift.”

Her heart felt like it melted in her chest right about then.

“You’re going to get all girly on me now, aren’t you?” he said with a little smirk.

“How can I help it when you say things like that to me?” she said tearfully as she pulled him back into a hug.

“It’s the truth,” he whispered. 

After a moment, she stepped back and sighed. “Okay, well now we have a problem.”

He frowned. “What’s that?”

“Part of me wants to throw you down on the bed and do illicit things to your body.” She dropped her shoulders and bent her head to rest the top of it against his chest. “But I'm soooo tired I don’t think I can stay awake long enough to enjoy it.”

“Well, then I’ll just have to settle for getting your clothes off,” he said starting to tug her coat off. “You can do illicit things to my body tomorrow.”

Lifting her head from his chest, she just stood there and let him undress her. It felt enormously comforting to have someone take care of her. 

“You know what I’d really like?” she murmured in a voice already getting a little thick with exhaustion and approaching sleep.

“A hot bath?” he guessed as he unbuttoned her pants and helped her step out of them.

“No," she said quietly. "I just want you to hold me while I sleep.”

“I’m way ahead of you there, Donnatella." He held out a night shirt for her to put on. "Now why don't you go do your thing in the bathroom and when you come out I'll be ready for the holding.”

Sliding on the nightshirt, Donna gave him a grateful smile and then went into the bathroom. She gave her face a quick wash and brushed her teeth. When she came out, Josh had changed into boxers and a t-shirt and was waiting for her in bed. Seeing her, he pulled back the covers in silent invitation.

She didn't need any more encouragement than that. Switching off the light, she slid into bed with him. He gathered her close and tangled his legs with hers. 

Donna tucked her head under his chin and rested it on his chest. "I'm sorry I snapped at you about Toby."

"It's okay."

"I guess I blame him a little for what's been happening this week too," she tried to explain. "And after the blow up with CJ today, I'm a little sensitive about things."

"Don't worry about it," he reassured her.

"So what did he say..." She yawned hugely. "...about us getting a house?"

"You're so sleepy that you probably won't remember this, but he offered to sell us his.”

Donna felt herself begin to float. Wrapped in Josh's arms, she could let herself relax enough to sleep.

"Toby has a house?" she said although her voice sounded far away even to her own ears.

Josh's voice was getting farther and farther away too. 

"Yeah, the one he bought for Andi and the twins. He's been trying for months to convince her to take it, but she won't so he's looking to try and sell it."

"Good."

"He made us a really good offer on it," Josh told her.

"Hmmm," was all she could manage.

Josh chuckled. "We'll talk about it tomorrow."

"'kay."

She had the sensation of him pulling her a little closer and his next words came to her in a deep, sleepy haze.

"Sleep now, I’ve got you," he murmured.

*********  
Chapter 32

Donna thumbed through her notes, reviewing and refining all the salient points and referring back to a given file when she needed to. It had been a week since the night of her traffic ticket. Fortunately, the meltdown she'd had that night and talking it through with Josh the next day had helped her get a much better handle on things.

Leo had surprised her by giving both her and Josh New Years Day off, in fact, she wondered if Josh hadn’t said something to him about it, but she’d been so happy for the time off she didn’t question it. After taking Josh’s mom to the airport, they spent the day with the kids just doing normal family things.

It had recharged Donna to no end.

But now the kids were back in school and to keep her sanity, Donna was doing her best to balance her new job and her responsibilities at home. Usually that meant taking work home, but for the most part it was working. Even Josh was making a concerted effort to work more human hours.

All in all, life was pretty good.

Now, she was hopeful, rather than discouraged by the pardons and didn’t feel so overwhelmed by the duties in her new job. Sam had told her that in the next week she would need to attend some meetings with him or in his place to represent the White House on the pardon issues. As much as she missed being around Josh all the time, the prospect of making a substantial contribution was very exciting to her. It helped that invariably she and Josh checked in with each other at least a couple of times a day.

Just then, there was a knock at her door. “Come in,” she called hastily scribbling a comment down before she forgot it. 

“Donna?” her visitor asked quietly.

Her head snapped up at the voice. She hadn’t seen much of CJ since the bloodletting in her office a week ago and Donna had the feeling CJ was avoiding her just as much as she had been avoiding CJ. When they did have to interact, they were both cordial, but very awkward. Oddly enough though, Donna wasn't really mad at her anymore, just a little sad at how things had turned out. So it was only natural that she was surprised to see the press secretary standing tentatively in her doorway. 

“Oh, hi CJ,” she said a little lamely. 

“Do you have a minute?” CJ asked still standing half hidden by the door as if she were using it as some sort of shield against an attack, verbal or otherwise, that Donna might launch.

Donna’s stomach did a little drop. She didn’t want to go another 10 rounds with CJ, but she could hardly just turn her away either. There was always the possibility that CJ was here to see her on a purely professional basis. 

“Uh, sure, CJ. Come in.”

CJ closed the door behind her and walked over to stand in front of Donna's desk. "Nice office," she said stiffly.

"Thanks," Donna said cautiously. "I really haven't had a chance to decorate it or anything."

When CJ only stood quietly looking awkward and uncomfortable, a silence stretched between them that went quickly from strained to deafening. Given the current state of their relationship and seeing as how CJ had come to see her, Donna was bound and determined to not be the first one to speak. Instead, she sat there perfectly calmly with her hands folded on the desk and waited for CJ to make the next move.

"So..." CJ finally began. "Toby tells me that you and Josh are going to buy his house."

"Yes," Donna said carefully not knowing where CJ was going with this. "We thought the kids needed more room."

"And you're still going ahead with adopting them?"

Donna couldn't help but frown a little. "Yes, Josh has already set the wheels in motion."

"Well, I'm sure you'll be great parents."

Donna was tired of whatever game CJ was playing. "CJ, did you need something?" she said evenly.

A look of what Donna could only describe as sorrow and resignation flickered across CJ's face and she had to suppress a flash of guilt.

"I wanted to apologize," CJ said cutting to the chase.

Donna definitely hadn't been expecting that response. She chose her words carefully. “What is it, exactly, that you’re apologizing for?”

“You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?” CJ said with a slight note of annoyance.

“That’s not what I’m doing at all,” Donna replied calmly. “I just want to understand what you’re apologizing for.”

CJ looked at her for a long moment and an odd look of respect came into her eyes.   
“Well, right now, I’m sorry I didn’t give you enough credit.”

“What do you mean?” Donna said quietly.

“I mean you’re more cagey than I realized.” 

Donna didn’t know if that was a compliment or an insult. “I’m not trying to be.”

“Sure you are,” CJ said with no heat or malice in her voice. “And under the circumstances and given what building you’re sitting in, that’s a good thing.” She leaned back in her chair. “You know, Donna, I always thought of you as being smart, but kind of naive.” She held up her hand before Donna could protest. “Naive In a sweet, wholesome kind of way. And I suppose it made me a bit protective of you.”

Rather than making a comment, Donna let her continue.

“Early on it was clear to me that you had feelings for Josh, but I didn’t say anything because I knew that you would be embarrassed if I pointed out the fact that you had a hopeless crush on your boss.” She smiled a little. “After seeing him with barracudas like Mandy and Amy, it never occurred to me that he might feel the same way about you.”

Donna leaned back in her chair. “I suppose I started out naive,” she said thoughtfully. “And even now there are times when something happens and I realize I still have some shine to rub off. But I’ve learned a lot and I’m not the same person who walked into Governor Bartlet’s campaign office in New Hampshire.”

“No, you’re not,” CJ agreed. “And honestly, I think I like the person you are now even better. In fact, I think I’m a little jealous."

"Of me?" Donna asked in surprise.

"You seem to be able to balance being here and not letting it make you hard.” CJ sighed. “Something I can't seem to do."

"I don't think you're hard, CJ. Jaded maybe, but not hard," Donna said honestly.

CJ smiled but her eyes were a little sad as she turned and idly looked over a partially filled bookcase.

"My problem is that I spend every minute of the day thinking about people's perception so much that I forget to think about their feelings. That makes a good press secretary, but not a very good friend." 

Picking up the only picture in the room, one of Donna and Josh taken at a ball the night of the second inauguration, CJ sighed.

"Consequently, when this thing with Josh happened I guess I...overreacted." Carefully returning the picture on the shelf, she turned back to Donna. "I meant what I said about you doing well with the new job and having your best interests at heart, but I see now that I botched things. I really am sorry that we didn't talk to you and Josh about the job before I took it to Leo.” 

Donna was seeing a new side of CJ and it was an eye opener. "Thank you, CJ. I appreciate you saying that," she said. "And in all honesty, I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't grateful for this opportunity to prove myself."

"We know you can do this, Donna. You have no one to prove yourself to," CJ said. 

"Yes I do," she said in clear but quiet voice. "I have to prove it to myself."

CJ didn't seem to know what to say to that and a silence stretched between them again, but this time it was much less strained. In that quiet, Donna reflected at the CJ she knew back during the campaign and the one who was standing in her office. It occurred to her that of all of the senior staff, except maybe Leo, CJ's personal life had suffered the most. Suffered to the point where she didn't actually have one. Toby had the twins and whatever he had with Andi, Sam had Ainsley, and Josh had her and the kids. 

But who did CJ have? 

Donna cocked her head slightly. "CJ, what ever happened with you and Danny?"

CJ couldn't have looked more surprised by the question if Donna had suggested she dye her hair purple and get a mohawk. "What...what do you mean? There was never anything between me and Danny."

CJ's denials were weak at best. "CJ, come on, it's just you and me. You're not in Leo's office and you're not doing a press briefing. While you were busy noticing that I had feelings for Josh, I was busy noticing you liked Danny in a distinctly un-press secretary way."

It looked like CJ was going to try and continue to deny it but then her shoulders slumped a bit and she turned away to study the contents of the bookcase again.

"It's complicated," she said tiredly. "I had to take one too many shots from Leo and Toby about my distance from the Press...which included Danny and I guess...” she shrugged. “...in the end, I chose my job over him.” 

"And Danny was okay with that?"

CJ let out a hollow little laugh. "What choice did he have? For a while he kept up with the flirting and the...whatever we were doing. But eventually he gave up. I guess it will be one of those things that I’ll never know what could have happened."

For a moment, her words made Donna a bit sad. Maybe because in them she could see the future she and Josh might have each had if they hadn't found each other through the fog of their professional lives.

"But isn’t there anyone else?" Donna asked. "Someone else...a friend...someone to have dinner with or go to the movies with or go on a date with?”

Turning back to her, CJ laughed again, but this time it was brittle. “A date? What’s that? I don’t think I can remember the last time I had a date or even had TIME for a date."

Donna studied her for a moment. "I think something Josh and I are both learning is that you have to make the time," she said hoping it didn't sound preachy.

"But that's you two. I just don't have the time or the energy," CJ replied. "Not to mention that there really isn't anyone in this building that I can or want to date." 

There was a pause and as Donna watched, an odd look came over CJs face. "What?" Donna prompted.

"Hmmm?" CJ said apparently lost in thought. "Oh, there's just..." Her voice trailed off.

"Just what?" Donna pressed.

"What? Uh, there's someone...a guy...he's been calling me and I've dodging him."

Now Donna was intrigued. "A guy? Who is he?"

"Ben...he's a park ranger in Glacier Bay, Alaska," CJ explained. "Or he was."

"Was?"

"Yeah, he's coming to DC."

"So what's his story?"

CJ played with her earring. "We had a thing about a hundred years ago."

"Why didn't it work out?"

"He moved to Alaska and I stayed in Los Angeles," CJ told her. "That kind of distance is pretty much a death sentence to any kind of relationship."

"So why have you been dodging his calls?"

CJ sighed. "Because it wouldn't work. I see him and I turn into this clingy, needy woman that I hate."

Donna couldn't imagine CJ being clingy or needy. "Well, maybe it would be different now. Maybe you should just talk to him."

CJ shook her head. "No, it's best left in the past. Besides, I don't have time for a relationship."

Donna toyed with her pen. "You know, sometimes I think we run around this place killing ourselves because we think it will please Leo or the President. Not because they’ve actually told us to do it, but because we THINK that's what they expect."

"Sacrifices need to be made for working here," CJ tried to defend.

"It just seems like we tend to take that to a new level. Look at Leo. As much as I respect him, his time as Chief of Staff hasn't exactly been kind to him. He’s divorced, he rarely sees Mallory, and everyday I watch him get unhappier and more sullen." 

CJ seemed to mull that over. "So what you're saying is that I should get a life before it’s too late?" she asked with a small lopsided smile.

Donna grinned. "Something like that."

"Okay, I'll think about it," CJ said with a chuckle that slowly faded as she turned serious. "So you're making it work? Josh makes you happy?"

Donna looked at her with equal seriousness. "Yes, he does. I only hope I make him as happy as he makes me."

"You do," CJ said without hesitation. "It's written all over him. It was like he was carrying a heavy weight all these years and now it's gone."

"Really?" Donna asked hopefully.

"Yes, now that you mention it, you're both looking disgustingly happy these days." They both laughed about that for a moment. "So are we okay?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, we're fine," Donna told her.

"Good, well, I've got work to do and a press room to beat into submission," CJ said walking to the door.

Donna stopped her as she opened the door. "CJ?"

CJ turned back to her. "What?" 

"Thanks."

Nodding, CJ gave her a genuine smile and closing the door after her, walked out into the corridor. 

**********  
Josh hung up the phone with a grin. He’d managed to wrangle freshman Congressman Brian ‘dumb-ass’ Billbray back onto their side for the upcoming vote on the crime bill. No small feat given that Billbray was a Republican and usually when it came to domestic issues he had his head so far up his ass it would take a team of surgeons to remove it.

He was half-considering doing a victory lap around the bullpen when someone knocked on his door. 

Come in,” he called.

The door opened and Sam stuck his head in. “Can I hide in here?”

Josh grinned. “Sure.” 

Sam looked relieved as he closed the door and dropped into one of Josh’s visitor chairs. “Thanks.”

“Toby giving you a hard time again?”

“It’s not so much giving me trouble as him tempting me to beat him over the head with my laptop until he leaves me alone and stops giving me endless lectures on punctuation and writing style. Or you know according to him, my LACK of both,” Sam said, only half joking.

Josh grinned. “I guess he’s been on quite a rampage ever since he got back from the mall sampling with Joey Lucas.”

“You can say that again, he keeps yelling at me about how we have to write to ‘his guy,’” Sam confirmed.

“His guy?” Josh asked. “What the hell does that mean?” 

“Apparently there was this guy at the sampling that was pretty disgruntled and thought we weren’t writing to his issues. So that gets Toby all fired up and he comes back and since I’m writing a good portion of the speech, he takes it out on me.” Sam sighed. “I swear, I should just kidnap Ainsley and go to the Bahamas under an assumed name for a week until after the State of the Union is done and let Toby write the damn speech.”

“That wouldn’t work, you know,” Josh said with a grin. “Toby would just talk the president into sending the CIA or the FBI to find you. They’re good at that kind of thing.”

“Yeah, I know,” Sam agreed. “Which is why I’m doing the only thing I can think of to keep from causing Toby bodily harm.”

“Which is?”

“Hiding,” he said. “Normally, I hide from him in Donna’s office because Toby likes her and usually doesn’t bother her, but she wasn’t there.”

“Yeah, she and CJ went out to lunch,” Josh told him. 

"Really? What's the occasion?"

Josh shrugged. "I don't know. Donna mumbled something about a park ranger and trying to broaden CJ’s horizons.”

“I’m glad they smoothed things over,” Sam replied. “I was getting a little tired of having to decide between wearing thermal underwear or chain mail to any meeting where they had to be in the same room.”

“I know what you mean,” Josh said with a laugh. “Donna’s definitely a lot happier since they worked things out last week.” 

“That’s good to hear. There for while she seemed a little down."

Josh was careful not to reveal anything Donna might not want Sam to know. "Yeah, I think the thing with CJ was part of it, plus she was adjusting to the new job."

"Well, she's a natural. You should have seen her in the meeting with the pardon attorney. The woman started talking about some of the pardon candidates being, and I quote, 'packing peanuts.' Before I could start tearing her a new one, Donna beat me to it. I thought she was going to deck her. Luckily, actual bloodshed was avoided when the president showed up."

Josh grinned at the image. "Well, you know Donna, she's got a big heart and reading about all the hard luck cases in the pardon files is hard for her. She wants to save them all."

Sam looked at him for a moment. "Funny, you should mention that. Because she had the craziest idea yesterday."

"Oh? What was her idea?"

"She wants to save them all," Sam deadpanned.

"What are you talking about?" 

"She suggested that we pardon all of them as a sweeping gesture of good will and a statement against unfair mandatory minimums and judicial restrictions, which as you know is something the president is all for."

That sounded exactly like something Donna would say. "It would be a statement all right. The Republicans would say we were crazy and the press would have a field day. There's no way we can do that. Not when we're already fighting them on this Hick's Amendment to the crime bill."

"I know, that's what I told her," Sam agreed. "Then there’s also the fact that a couple of the pardon candidates are a PR nightmare waiting to happen. A republican governor who was indicted for fraud but who's now dying of liver cancer to name one.”

“The DNC would have a fit over that pardon.”

“Of course they would. But even the president admits that if there had been a republican sitting in the Oval Office when the scandal broke and not a Democrat, the case wouldn't have gone to trial in the first place,” Sam pointed out. “Then there's the tribal leader from North Dakota that was convicted of killing two FBI agents even though they may or may not have been there lawfully and he may or may not have been defending himself when they provoked him into the confrontation."

“We pardon him and I’ve got Mike Casper and every other FBI agent above ‘Junior G-man’ on my call sheet for the next six months trying to take their pound of flesh out of my hide,” Josh said. 

Sam nodded. "To make matters worse, some of the potential bombshells on the list aren’t even the most obvious. The thing with the Kaehlers this morning is a perfect example." 

Josh had no idea what he was talking about. "The Kaehlers? Who are they?"

"Money bags from Colorado.”

“Wait, are they the ones that own WestCo Mining?” Josh put in.

“The same ones,” Sam confirmed. “More importantly, they donated huge amounts to both of the president's campaigns and helped our new vice-president get elected to congress."

"Okay, except for the getting Bingo Bob elected part, I like them so far. So what happened with them this morning?"

"They showed up on our doorstep," Sam explained.

“What did they want?”

"They were here to plead their son's case for clemency."

Josh frowned. "There's a major party contributor with a family member under pardon consideration?"

"I didn't make the connection either until Donna told me about the meeting. I've got the list memorized and there was no one named Kaehler on it. Donna explained that the kid on the list is the wife's son from a former marriage. His name is Morrissey, Donovan Morrissey."

"What's his story?"

Sam sighed. "He was an Estes Park High School senior who was young and stupid and thought it would fun to Fed Ex a friend some LSD." 

“Did someone meet with them?”

“Yeah...Donna.”

Oh, crap. Talking about taking one for the team. “Why did she take the meeting?” 

“Because Toby is a tyrant and wouldn't let me out of my office, you were on the Hill, CJ was giving a press briefing, our new Vice Present Bingo Bob was out of town, and the President and Leo were held up with the Joint Chiefs.”

Josh scratched at the back of his head. “That couldn’t have been a fun meeting.”

“No, I don’t imagine it was.”

“How did she seem when she talked to you about it?” Josh wondered.

“She seemed okay, but she said that if the president was willing, she had a message she wanted to give him from the Kaehlers.”

Josh considered that. “I’m sure he’d be willing to hear her out.”

The two of them were quiet for a moment until Sam quietly spoke up. “Donna’s right, Josh.”

“About what?”

“Pardoning everyone,” Sam said. 

“Sam...”

“It would be an bold move on our part,” Sam continued. “Something that no one would be expecting.” He paused. “And it’s the right thing to do. You know as well as I do that the most of the federal mandatory minimums don’t really do all that much to stop crime and usually end up punishing people unfairly and inequitably. On the surface, mandatory minimums, including the ones they’re throwing into the Hick’s amendment, advocate judicial discretion, but in reality they actually tighten judicial restrictions. How is that logical? I mean, we spend all this time finding knowledgeable, fair-minded judges for the president to put on the bench and then they can’t render the sentences they think is just because the law ties their hands.”

Despite the fact he agreed with everything Sam said, Josh just didn’t see how they could do it. “But, Sam, what about the fallout?”

Sam shrugged. “We can take the hit. Our numbers are still inflated after the kidnapping and despite Toby’s rantings, the State of the Union is going to be a lock next week. Besides, anyone who would use the pardons as political hay against us isn’t anyone we care about keeping on our side anyway. As for the FBI, they work for you so tell them to suck it up.”

Josh gave him a bemused smile. "Do I at least get a whip and a chair when I tell them that?"

“Okay, so we’ll work on the language, but you get my meaning,” Sam replied with a smirk. “On the flip side, I think there’s every chance that the fallout will be good for us rather than bad. If we get CJ to spin it right, we could even pick up points.”

Josh really couldn’t think of any good rebuttal to Sam’s argument. “You have a point.”

Sam looked surprised he wasn’t arguing more. “I do?”

“Yeah. You know, tomorrow’s Saturday, but Leo and the President are going to meet in the Oval to make a final decision on this and the Hick’s Amendment,” Josh said, thinking out loud. “I’ll talk to Leo about us being in on the discussion and while we’re pleading our case, we can get Donna in to deliver Mrs. Kaehlers’ message.”

Sam grinned. “I like it.”

It felt good to have a plan that they could believe in as opposed to one that was politically safe or expedient.

“Okay, I’m going to check in with Leo and as soon as she gets back, I’ll go see Donna,” Josh said. “I’ll tell her about getting in to see the president tomorrow, but let's not tell her about trying to get everyone pardoned. I don’t want to disappoint her if we can’t talk Leo and the president into it.”

“Right,” Sam agreed excitedly as he got out of the chair and headed for the door. “If I can keep dodging Toby, I’ll talk to CJ about the spin when she gets back too.”

Grinning, Josh made some notes. He'd planned to spend tomorrow with Donna and the kids, but if they could pull this off it would be worth the missed time.

**********  
An hour later, he was standing in Donna’s doorway. "Hey, gorgeous," he said knocking lightly on her open door.

Donna looked up and gave him a smile. "Hey, you."

He walked over to her desk. "How was lunch?"

"Nice," Donna replied with a little grin. "CJ flirted shamelessly with our lunch guest."

“The park ranger guy?”

“Yep. I arranged to have him stop by where we were having lunch.’”

Josh raised an eyebrow at her. “And CJ wasn’t pissed about that? She’s usually not big on surprises.”

“She gave me the evil eye at first but it didn’t last long because she was too busy watching him,” Donna said still grinning.

“So what does a park ranger wear to lunch? A Smokey the Bear hat or something?”

Donna rolled her eyes. “He wasn’t on duty, Josh. He wore regular clothes, just like normal people.”

Josh grinned. "Ah-kay. Hey, I've got a question for you." 

"Sure, what is it?"

"I know I was going to help you and the kids start packing things up tomorrow, but the president is going to be deciding on the pardons tomorrow so Sam and I thought we should be there," he explained. "Is that okay?"

"Of course it is, the pardons are important."

He leaned a hip on her desk. "So are you and the kids."

"Josh," she gently chided. "There are times when you'll need to be here. I understand that and the kids do too. No one knows more than I do what a tremendous effort you've made to go home at a decent hour and not work so many weekends. I don't want you ever to feel like you have to ask my permission for something like that."

“I thought I was supposed to run it by you.”

“Why?” 

“You know, ‘cause we’re...together now,” he tried to explain. “Aren’t I supposed to report to you or something now that you’re the old ball and chain?” 

Donna merely raised an eyebrow at him.

Josh immediately realized his mistake. “Okay, you know what I did right there?”

“You were trying to be funny?” Donna commented blandly.

“I was trying to be funny,” Josh confirmed. “But from the look on your face, I’m guessing I failed.”

“Pretty spectacularly, I’d say,” Donna agreed. “You make me sound like some fishwife or fish-girlfriend or something.”

“Fish-girlfriend?” Josh said with a snort. 

Donna’s raised eyebrow was now joined by a death glare.

Josh knew he had better think fast or he’d be sleeping in the kids’ room tonight. “How about if I say I thought I should tell you because you’re my better half?” 

The glare faded and the eyebrow dropped. “Nice save, Lyman.”

Relieved, he gave her a shy smile. "The truth is, I like asking for your permission. Makes me feel like we really are...you know, a couple."

Her expression softened even more. "That's good, because we are a couple and we're going to be that way for a while.” She grinned. “Unless, of course, you keep making those funny, funny ‘ball and chain’ comments.”

“I promise to steer clear of them in the future,” he promised.

“A wise decision,” she told him. “Of course, it's fine if you're here tomorrow, Josh. The kids and I will just be doing the preliminary packing stuff anyway. Do you think you'll be done in time to meet us for lunch?"

"Yeah, that shouldn't be a problem, but that brings me to something else I wanted to tell you."

"What's that?"

"The president wants to see you too, at least for a few minutes tomorrow," Josh told her. "He said he'd like to hear the message you have from Mrs. Kaehler."

Dropping her gaze, Donna's face clouded over slightly as she fiddled with a folder on her desk. "Oh, you heard about that?"

"Sam told me." His voice dropped lower. "I'm sorry you had to take the meeting all by yourself."

"No, I'm glad I got to talk to them," she said, clearly with more enthusiasm than she really felt. "It was important for them to see someone and I'm glad I could represent the president."

He studied her for a moment. The fact that she hadn't so much as looked at him since they'd started talking about the Kaehler's was not lost on him.

"Donna...this is me, remember?" he said quietly. "I know it couldn't have been easy to hear their story."

"It was one thing to read his file," Donna began quietly, still not looking at him. "But it was a totally different thing to catch the live show."

He knew she was only joking to hide how difficult it had been. "Donna," was all he said as he slid a finger under her chin and lifted her face to his. She wasn't crying, but her eyes were suspiciously bright.

"I can’t do this here, Josh, maybe at home, but....please don’t push me about it here," she pleaded. 

Knowing he would make her cry if he kept at her, he removed his finger and let her look back down at the paperwork on her desk. 

"It was a very...hard meeting," she added quietly. 

He laid a hand on her shoulder as a silent show of support. For the first time since they'd gotten on this subject, she looked up at him with a tentative smile.

"So what time should I be here tomorrow?" she asked.

"Why don't you and the kids come by just before lunch?" he suggested. "You can leave them in my office watching TV while you come see the president. Then we can all have lunch in the mess or wherever you want."

"Okay, sounds good."

Leaning over, he kissed the top of her head. "I love you, you know," he whispered.

"I know, me too," she whispered back. 

He straightened and pushed away from her desk. "Okay, well, I've got some republicans to slap around so I'll see you later," he said as he walked to the door.

"Do good!" she called after him.

"Don't I always?!" he called as he swaggered back to his office.

**********  
Chapter 33 - NC-17

“You’re awfully quiet,” Josh said softly as they drove away from the White House after the State of the Union.

“Just tired, I guess,” she said almost absently as she stared out the car window at the darkened streets of the city.

Josh gripped the wheel and tried to think of something to say. Getting the president to give clemency to nearly all the pardon candidates had been a win tinged with a loss. Donna had been thrilled that nearly all candidates were getting a pardon, but she’d been terribly disappointed that Donovan Morrissey wasn’t among them. Consequently, the news of his suicide earlier in the evening had hit her hard. He’d talked to her briefly about it when he’d followed her outside before the speech, but neither of them had found any time to discuss it further with the speech and all of the post-speech events going on.

“I thought the president did well tonight,” Josh threw out there, in case it might create an opening to talk to her about the Morrissey kid.

“Yeah, the speech went great,” she replied listlessly as she continued to stare out the window. 

Another silence stretched between them. Unless they were fighting about something their silences were usually pretty comfortable. It came from them being around each other so long. This was not one of those kinds of silences. 

When it came to relationship stuff with Donna, he felt like he was sometimes navigating a minefield, worried that he’d say or do the wrong thing and screw up what they had now. But in this case, he knew that he had to take a chance and risk stepping on this particular landmine.

“It’s not your fault, Donna,” he said quietly knowing that she blamed herself for what happened.

“I know.”

“I mean it, Donna, it’s not...ah, what?” he said in surprise. “You do?”

Donna traced her finger through the condensation on the inside of the car window. “Well, my head knows it anyway,” she says. “I did my best to influence him, but the pardons were the president’s decision and it was Donovan’s decision to...to do what he did today.”

As they stopped at a traffic light, Josh reached over and took her hand. “And what does your heart know?” he said. 

With a sad chuckle, Donna looked down at their clasped hands. “I honestly couldn’t tell you. If feels like there’s a huge hole in my chest where it used to be.”

He gave her hand a squeeze and continued to hold it as the light turned green and he drove through the intersection toward home.

“With time it will get easier,” Josh said.

There was a long silent pause from Donna. “I wonder...” she murmured.

“You wonder about what?”

“Sam said something similar to me, but so far time and experience hasn’t made it easier. It’s just made me more numb.”

He hated the defeated sound in her voice. “You know I meant what I said tonight. I hope you don’t ever have to learn to keep things at arm's length.”

“What alternative do I have, Josh?” she said with a sudden, angry snap in her voice. “I’m not you, I can’t just turn off my feelings.” 

Okay, so that stung a hell of a lot more than he cared to admit. And knowing that she was speaking out of her own self-directed anger than any anger at him, didn’t really make it hurt any less.

Donna gasped when she realized just what she’d said. “I’m sorry,” she said immediately. 

“It’s okay,” he said as he put both hands back on the steering wheel.

“No, it isn’t,” she argued. “I feel like shit and I’m taking it out on you.”

“It’s okay,” he repeated dully.

“Stop saying that, Josh. It’s not okay,” she insisted.

“What do you want me to say, Donna?” he asked trying to control his own growing anger.

“I don’t want you to let me off the hook for using you as a punching bag for my bad mood!” she said.

Suddenly, they were having a fight and he had no idea why.

"So what, am I supposed to be sorry for not kicking you when you’re down?!” he snapped. “Am I supposed to yell and rant and make your feel worse than you already do?! Do you really think I’m that much of an asshole?”

Donna seemed taken aback by his response. “No, of course not...I didn’t...” she said turning her face away. “God, I can’t even apologize without screwing it up.” 

He heard the tears in her voice and it made him instantly sorry he’d snapped at her. Glancing at her, he saw her rubbing her eyes and knew she really was crying. 

“Shit,” he swore as he cut off a car in the lane next to him when he jerked the car over to the curb and threw it into park. Not waiting for an invitation, he pulled her into his arms. If she hadn’t been seat belted in she would have wound up in his lap.

“Please don’t cry, I hate it when you cry,” he murmured against her hair. “I’m sorry.”

Pulling back, her face wet with tears, she looked up at him. “Don’t be sorry, I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean it. It was a horrible thing to say.”

“I know you didn’t mean it,” he said smoothing some hair back from her damp cheeks. 

“I don’t even know why I said it,” she said wetly. “I know better than anyone how deeply you feel things.” 

He framed her face in his hands. “Donna, it’s not news to me that I can seem a little unfeeling sometimes,” he said with quiet seriousness.

She tried to interrupt. “But...”

Josh didn’t let her. “Unfortunately, it’s the nature of the beast in politics. Governing is choosing and trying to remember that you can’t save everyone so you save who you can and take your victories where you can get them. So to keep myself from going crazy, sometimes I have to shove down how I really feel.” He looked into her damp eyes. “But I need you to know that you saved me.”

“From what?” she said with a sniffle.

“From letting what I do make me hard and bitter and closed off. I hate to think of the person I’d be without you in my life. And I hope that you never, not for one moment, think that I’m unfeeling when it comes to you and the kids or anyone else I care about.”

“I don’t, Josh,” she told him. “I swear, I don’t.” 

“When I said I didn’t want you to have to learn how to keep things at arm's length it’s because the depth to which you care about people is one of the most amazing things about you. I don’t want you to lose that.”

She’d stopped crying now and looked at him with love blazing her in eyes. “I won’t lose it, Josh, and do you know why?”

“Why?”

“Because knowing you, being with you....loving you has saved me too,” she said quietly. “Saved me from a life that would have been small and unremarkable. And as much as I hated what happened with Donovan Morrissey tonight, there’s nowhere I’d rather be than here with you. I wouldn’t trade away even one day I’ve had with you in the last seven years.” 

Leaning in, she pressed her hand to his cheek and kissed him.

The kiss was tender and gentle and communicated a number of things. Among them, love, friendship, and unity. Josh could still taste the saltiness from her tears on her lips, and as her tongue dueled lightly with his, he wanted to hold the moment in his memory forever.

Breathing just a little hard, they both pulled back. “Take me home, Josh,” Donna said softly. 

**********  
Josh slid the key in the door, turned the knob, and they walked into the apartment. Since Sam and Ainsley obviously needed to be at the White House that night, and after assuring her she was under no obligation to do it just because she worked for Josh and she would be paid, Donna had found a willing babysitter in Ginger.

At the sound of the door opening, Ginger looked up from the recliner and set her book aside to greet them.

“Hey, guys. I saw the speech. It went great.”

Josh managed a tired grin. “Yeah, it did.” He looked at the couch and saw that both of the kids were in their pajamas and sound asleep. “Did they see any of it?”

Ginger smiled. “They both fell asleep about halfway through it. You know kids, that kind of thing bores them to tears. I thought about trying to put them to bed, but I was worried I’d wake them up.”

“It’s okay, we’ll put them to bed,” Josh assured her.

“Did they give you any trouble?” Donna asked as she hung up her coat.

“No. We had macaroni and cheese, played some games, watched some TV and they fell asleep. They were energetic, but very well-behaved.”

“Well, thanks for sitting with them, Ginger, here’s your fee,” Josh said as he handed Ginger the money they’d agreed to.

“Thanks, well, I’ve got to get home. My boss is a slave driver and I’m sure he’ll expect me in bright and early tomorrow,” she said with a wink to Donna.

“Tell me about it,” Donna replied.

“Hey, I’m a great boss, you guys just don’t appreciate me,” Josh shot back.

Ginger and Donna exchanged bemused glances. “Thanks again, Ginger,” Donna said as she carefully picked up Hannah and carried her into the bedroom while Josh walked Ginger to the door.

“You’re welcome. Goodnight,” Ginger said as she walked out into the hall.

“Goodnight,” Josh said before closing the door.

Moving over to the couch, Josh scooped up Jake and carried him into the bedroom where he found Donna tucking in Hannah.

“She still asleep?” Josh asked.

“Yeah, she didn’t so much as twitch,” Donna said as she tucked Bentley under Hannah’s arm.

Looking at the bed, Josh realized then that getting Jake into the top bunk might be a bit tricky.

“Why don’t you just put him in the other bed?” Donna suggested referring to the queen sized bed she used to sleep in.

“No, I got it,” he said with more conviction than he felt.

“Okay, if you say so,” Donna said skeptically as she took a step back.

Carefully, Josh climbed the small ladder sideways so Jake didn’t bump against the bed. Once he was at the top he maneuvered Jake off his shoulder and laid him on the top bunk. After he tucked Jake under the covers he turned back to Donna and started to climb down.

“See, I told you I could do it,” he said smugly.

Donna rolled her eyes. “I’m sorry I doubted you, my big, strong man.”

“Yep, that’s me...I’m even thinking of getting that printed on business cards or something.”

He was so busy reveling in his moment of glory that he missed the second to last rung and fell off the ladder. Luckily, he wasn’t that far off the floor and he landed with a loud ‘thud’ hard on his butt.

“Well, that was predictable,” Donna said, clearly trying not to laugh.

“Unca’ Josh?” Jake said sleepily.

“Yeah, Jake, it’s me. Go back to sleep.”

“kay,” Jake said obediently. Clearly, he was more asleep than awake.

“Josh are you okay?” Donna asked as he got up.

“Oh, now you’re concerned,” he said rubbing his butt and taking a few steps. Nothing seemed permanently damaged.

“I’m always concerned.” She patted him on the butt. “You want me to kiss it and make it better?”

“Be careful or I just might take you up on that,” he said as they walked out of the kids' room.

“Hold that thought,” Donna said. “Right now, though, I’m going to go take a shower.”

“Do you want some company?” he asked with a playful leer.

“Not this time,” she said mustering a tired smile. “I appreciate the offer, but I just want a minute to wash the day off me.”

He sobered a bit. “Okay, I’ll lock up and see you in the bedroom.”

“’kay,” she said, walking to the bedroom to get something to wear after the shower.

He moved around the living room and shut off all the lights and checked to make sure the door was locked. Passing her in the hallway as she was heading for the bathroom, he lightly caught her arm. 

“You did good, Donna, tonight,” he told her. “Thirty-five people got a second-chance because you fought for them.”

She looked at him for a long moment. Gratitude, pride and a little sadness swam in her eyes. Then, with a nod of acknowledgement and a smile for him, she walked into the bathroom.

Continuing into the bedroom, Josh heard the shower come on as he quickly stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt. It took more energy than he really had, but he made sure all discarded pieces of his clothing made it into the hamper. He figured the last thing Donna should have to do tonight was pick up his dirty clothes. 

Walking to the bed, he rubbed his butt again. While he really didn’t think he’d hurt anything he was going to be a little sore tomorrow and he made a mental note to sit down a little carefully for the next couple days.

He pulled back the covers and after sitting down gently, he switched on the TV to catch the late news and hopefully a final wrap-up of the State of the Union speech.

“Josh?”

His head snapped up to see Donna standing in the bedroom doorway in nothing but a rather skimpy towel. She’d been so quiet and he’d been so engrossed in the news he hadn’t heard the shower turn off and he’d missed her footsteps coming down the hall. The bluish shadows from the TV played over her body, but he couldn’t quite read her expression. 

“Donna? You okay?” he said trying to figure out if he should be concerned or not.

Stepping forward, she closed and, he noted, locked the bedroom door. “I’m fine, but I have something to tell you,” she said softly as she slowly walked over to him.

He frowned. “What’s that?”

“I was wrong.”

“About what?”

Stopping next to the bed, she stood only inches away from where he was sitting on the bed. “About wanting company in the shower.”

Grabbing the corner of the towel she let it drop to the floor and revealed that she was gloriously naked beneath it.

“I was very, very lonely in there without you,” she said running a hand over her smooth belly and up to lightly touch her breast.

Whenever Josh felt like he’d reached the pinnacle of fantasy fulfillment with Donna, she did something to raise the bar to a new level. This was one of those moments. Watching her fondle herself was definitely something he’d fantasized about, but never expected to see in person. 

He couldn’t help but watch her hand as it moved to toy with the other breast. Even from where he was sitting, he could see her nipples were hard and aching to be touched and tasted. The tiredness he’d felt earlier was suddenly gone and a fresh wave of energy was coursing through him, especially to points south.

“Well, you...um, should have...called me,” he said, finding it hard to speak with no spit in his mouth and no blood going to his brain.

“I figured you could make it up to me now,” she said seductively.

Gone was the sad and tired look in her eyes. It was replaced by a smoky hunger that gripped him like a physical force. He didn’t know quite what happened to change her mood, but he wasn’t going to question it.

“I think that can be arranged,” he replied.

“Touch me, Josh.”

He didn’t need any more encouragement. Following her example, he laid his hand on her thigh and traveling up, ran it slowly over her belly and up to the breast that she wasn’t giving any attention. She arched into his touch as he covered it with his palm and sucked in a harsh breath as he rolled the hardened tip between his fingers.

Needing to know just how aroused she was, he picked up her other hand and replaced his hand with it so that she was now teasing both breasts herself. With his hand now free, he moved it back down over her belly and teased the curls between her thighs. 

As he continued to tease her, Josh watched Donna’s face. Even in the almost strobe light effect from the TV, he could see her face was flushed, her eyes heavy with desire and she was biting her lip in anticipation of what he would do next. 

He didn’t keep her waiting. He moved past the curls to touch her more intimately. Her flesh was slick with the wetness from her arousal and his fingers slid easily as he began to stroke her. Her eyes drifted closed and she moaned softly as she picked up his rhythm and rocked her body in time with the movements of his hand. 

Josh watched in fascination as one of her hands drifted down between her legs to cover his. Under the guidance of her touch, he increased the pressure on her clit as he continued to stroke her. From the way her body was tightening and the increasing tempo of her movements, he could tell the orgasm was building in her rapidly. 

“Oh, God, Josh,” she muttered roughly halfway between an oath and a prayer.

Then her breath began to catch. Suddenly, her eyes snapped open and her whole body jerked hard against his hand. Even though he didn’t actually have his fingers inside her, her could feel the flesh under his fingers pulse and spasm and he knew she was coming. Letting her hand guide his, he lightened the pressure and slowed down his strokes as she came down.

When her breath had stopped coming in pants and her body had stopped shaking and was only swaying slightly, she looked down at him with an incredibly satisfied smile.

“You’re very good at that,” she told him softly.

Pulling his hand away from her, he casually licked the taste of her off his fingers and held out his hand to her. 

“Come here.”

Taking his hand, she willingly joined him on the bed. Although he had originally planned to lay her out next to him and do some more exploring, Donna had her own ideas. She straddled him and pressed her very warm, very wet core over the erection that was doing its best to escape from his boxers. Then she took his face in her hands and kissed him. 

The kiss was heady and potent and Donna was very much in control of it. There was no coaxing or teasing in the kiss, it was hard and deep and it made him feel like he was drowning in her, which he didn’t mind one bit. Her tongue dueled with his, demanding his complete attention.

When they managed to come up for air, Donna reached down, caught the hem of his t-shirt, and pulled it off.

Once it was off, his hands roamed over her. Her skin was fragrant and damp from her shower and he loved how the smell of it and her arousal filled his senses. She’d put her hair up in a clip to keep it dry in the shower and he’d been itching to touch it. Gently, he released the clip and had her hair spilling wildly down around her face.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured running his hands through her pale locks.

In response, she merely smiled and ran her hands across his chest and over his shoulders.

Pulling her face to his, he kissed her. This time the kiss was a little more gentle, but no less intense. His mouth trailed kisses over her cheek, along her jaw and down to the pulse point at her throat. Under his lips, he could feel her pulse pounding there and he loved that he could get her so stirred up. Sucking on the skin there, he knew he’d probably give her a hickey but he was feeling a little proprietary and he liked the idea of leaving the painless mark on her, even if it was only temporary.

His kisses moved lower then until his lips were brushing against the tops of her breasts. He circled each of her breasts with his mouth, making tighter and tighter circles, but avoiding the hardened tips. Donna arched her back slightly, pressing her breast into his mouth and giving a clear signal of what she wanted. Her breathing was becoming erratic again and she finally let out a little groan in frustration as he continued to deny her what she craved. 

Feeling wicked now, he abruptly fastened his mouth to her nipple and gently bit down on the almost painfully aroused nub. 

“Oh, my God!” Donna exclaimed as she dug her nails into his shoulders as pleasure shot through her and he gave her the second orgasm of the night. 

Her responsiveness never ceased to amaze him. The fact that he could give her an orgasm just by playing with her nipples was endlessly fascinating to him. Her breath had gone ragged when she’d come for the second time and he wasn’t giving it much of a chance to even out. 

“You’re not playing fair,” she said breathlessly with a little pout.

“Does that mean....you don’t like it?” Josh said smugly while he continued to arouse her by nipping, sucking, and licking both her nipples.

“I didn’t say that,” she said with a gasp as he hit another sensitive spot. “You’re just not...Ooooo...giving me a chance to...oh, Lord....reciprocate.”

If she wanted to reciprocate, who was he to argue? Leaning back against the headboard, he put his hands behind his head. “Okay, reciprocate away,” he said with a little grin.

Donna sat there for a moment as if she was formulating her game plan. Then a little smirk appeared at the corner of her mouth and much to his disappointment, she climbed off of him.

“Wait...” he began.

“Lie down on your stomach,” she instructed.

Well, it hadn’t exactly been what he’d expected her to say, but he followed her instructions and slid farther down on the bed and, given the current state of his erection, carefully rolled over. Pillowing his head on his hands, he turned to watch her.

She sat down next to him on the bed and started to ease down his boxers. “Lift your hips,” she told him.

He complied with her instructions and as the boxers slipped lower, she reached between him and the bed to make sure they didn’t get hung up on any...protruding body parts as she pulled them down. While not unwelcome, the warm touch of her hand brushing against his cock was unexpected. His body jerked in response and his hips dropped back onto the bed, lightly trapping her hand between his body and the mattress.

She could have easily pulled her hand out of it’s current position and he could have just as easily lifted his hips again to let her pull her hand away, but neither of them moved. The feeling of her smooth, warm skin cradling his cock was amazing and he had to resist the urge to start thrusting against her hand.

Keeping her hand right where it was, Donna leaned over to whisper in his ear. “Well, isn’t this an interesting position we find ourselves in?” Her lips brushed his ear, down over his shoulder and back again making him shiver. “Don’t you think you’d have more fun if we got a little friction going?” 

“Oh, yeah,” he breathed. 

Her words were like a starting gun to him and pressing his hands to the mattress for leverage, he began to rock against her hand. Somehow, even in the limited space she had, she managed to make an ‘O’ with her thumb and forefinger that tightly encircled his cock.

The friction was mind-blowing. The competing textures of her hand and the bedding was something he’d never felt before and it was taking all his will not to come right then and there.

“Oh, God, Donna. I can’t take much more.”

Her soft chuckle tickled his ear. “We can’t have than now can we?” she said. “I’ve still got lots of plans for you.” 

With that, her hand opened and she pulled it free. “Stop moving, Josh,” she said in a whispered command. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

As much as he missed her hand, he was aroused enough that the bedding could have finished things and it took every ounce of his willpower to stop moving. Donna’s promise helped, but he still had to grit his teeth and force himself to lie still.

She had just given him the most unusual hand job in recorded history and they still hadn’t gotten to her ‘plans’ yet. He just hoped that whatever those plans were he could keep up with her.

“Can I...turn over?” he ground out.

“Not just yet...” she said. “Now it’s time for a little TLC.”

Shifting her body, she ran her hands down his back and tugged his boxers the rest of the way off. Then she ran her hands up both his legs and when she got to his butt, she began kneading each cheek. It was a little weird, but it was actually a nice, soothing sensation and it helped him gain a little bit of control over the rest of his body.

“I’m sorry you fell off the ladder,” she said softly as she continued to massage his slightly sore behind. 

A few moments later, she replaced her hands with her mouth and placed a slow opened-mouth kiss on each cheek. Then she moved to straddle him just below the hips and began working her way up his back kneading and kissing her way over his skin. Josh didn’t think he’d ever felt so relaxed and so aroused at the same time.

After she’d spent a moment massaging his neck, Donna stretched out on top of him like a blanket. The warm length of her body pressing him into the mattress and covering him from neck to toe was an intimate and erotic feeling.

“I had to kiss it and make it all better,” she whispered into his ear. “Did I make it better, Josh?”

Somehow he found his voice. “If you make it any better I’ll think I’ll be in a coma.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that. I think we can find some middle ground,” she said with another low chuckle as she began to move off of him. “You can turn over now.”

He rolled over and silhouetted in the light from the TV, he saw her sitting next to him. While he couldn’t quite see her expression, he was pretty sure she was smiling. Like a shadow trimmed in light, she silently moved over to him and captured his mouth in a long, wet kiss.

After getting her fill of his mouth, she shifted and her mouth drifted down to his neck and then to his chest where she placed gentle kisses along the scar that bisected his chest. As she moved still lower to his belly, he knew where she was headed and he wasn’t sure he could let her take him there and still be able to finish things later.

“Donna...” he tried to protest.

“Shhhhh...” she said softly as she continued moving down. “Just feel, Josh.”

Entranced by her, he was powerless to do anything more than lie there and watch her. 

Her hands reached him first. Caressing, teasing, making promises that he assumed her mouth would make good on. The erection that had softened slightly during her gentle back massage made a comeback with a vengeance. 

Her silky hair brushing over his hips added even more sensation to his already overloaded senses and he tensed in anticipation of what was next. 

Her thumb rubbed across the tip of his cock, brushing at the drop of wetness that had already formed. As he watched, she drew her thumb into her mouth to taste him. The simple act made his hips strain toward her, begging for more.

He didn’t have long to wait. Her mouth touched him next. It started as an open mouth kiss and turned into her tongue running over the tip of his cock like she was tasting her favorite flavor of lollipop. 

“God, Donna. Please....” he pleaded although at that moment he didn’t know exactly what he was begging for.

Donna, on the other hand, knew exactly what he needed. 

Her mouth enveloped him, closing wet and tight around his cock. Moving along his shaft, her tongue slid over him. Where her hands had aroused him, her mouth inflamed him and he couldn’t help but lift his hips to be closer to her. 

She pressed a hand to his hip to steady him and a moan in the form of her name slid from his lips as her mouth worked him progressively harder and faster. As much as he was enjoying what she was doing and wanted her to put him out of his misery, he knew he had to make her stop. He knew his limitations and he knew that once he came, he’d be done for the night.

“Wait...” he gasped. “I want to be...inside you.”

Letting his cock slide out of her mouth, she grinned. “Technically, you WERE inside me a second ago.”

With words like that putting ideas in his head, she wasn’t helping is control at all. “No, please,” he begged. “You know what I mean. I’m only human and....Oh, God...” he muttered as her breath continued to fan over him, alternately cooling and heating the skin still damp from her mouth. “...you’re amazing.”

“I want you inside me too, Josh,” she told him as she moved back. “Sit up.”

He frowned in confusion but did as she asked. Carefully, she straddled his lap and slipping her hand between them, she guided him inside her. Settling him more deeply inside her, she wrapped her arms and legs around him.

Pleasure swarmed through him as she enveloped him in the wet heat of her body and his head dropped back slightly. This was where he wanted to be. Inside her, surrounded by her...held by her. 

“I don’t think I’m going to last very long,” he said quietly as he put his arms around her and pulled her close to him.

“Don’t worry so much,” she replied pressing gentle kisses to his mouth. “I’m already very impressed by your control. I’m going to have to start calling you the Energizer Bunny, ‘cause you keep going and going...”

He managed to laugh a little, which was an interesting sensation since it made him move just a little while he was inside her. He’d never actually had sex with anyone in this position before and it wouldn’t necessarily allow for a lot of movement, at least not on his part. But it was intensely intimate and he’d never felt quite so physically close to her.

As he held her, she buried her face against his neck and began to roll her hips and she rocked slowly against him. From the change in her breathing, he knew that she was not only doing it for him. He realized the tight position she was in made her clit rub against his body as she moved and stimulated her too. 

Placing kisses along her neck and shoulder, his hands covered the rest of her, caressing the miles of her alabaster skin. She brought so much to his life, the mind-blowing sex included, and he cherished her beyond belief.

“Come for me again, Donna,” he whispered. “I want to feel you come while I’m inside you.” 

To help her along, he slid his hand down between their bodies and put his fingers against her clit giving it more pressure than it had been getting by just moving against his body. He heard her moan and knew she was already close.

In response to his words and his touch, her movements became harder and more pronounced.

“Oh, yes,” Donna murmured against his neck. “Please, don’t stop...” 

Since she was doing the majority of the work, he couldn’t have stopped if he’d wanted to...and he definitely didn’t want to. 

Suddenly, her head came up and her movements became more jerking than rocking. With a gasp, she bit down on his shoulder. Holding her tightly against him, he felt her contract hard around him as the orgasm tore through her.

Dropping her head on his shoulder, she slumped against him and he held her. Stroking a hand down her back as her breathing slowed, he felt the trembling in her body and the small contractions gripping his cock fade. After a moment, she lifted her head and kissed him lazily. 

Then in a show of flexibility that awed him a little, she leaned away from him arching her back in a kind of half-backbend, until her head and shoulders were lying flat near the foot of the bed, but her hips were raised and her legs were still wrapped tightly around him. 

With her no longer blocking the TV, the light from it skimmed over her skin. The fine sheen of sweat that covered her body gleamed in the light. 

“I think you’ve waited long enough, don’t you?” she said with eyes so blue they punched right to the core of his soul. “Come for me, Josh.”

He was more than ready. Changing position slightly, he shifted his legs underneath him, lifting her hips even more. With her pelvis now higher and tilted the way it was he realized he could press even deeper into her. The feeling was indescribable.

Leaning forward, he began to move inside her. His thrusts began slow and deep. Her body was braced against the bed and given the way he had to hold onto her hips to keep from falling out of her body, gave him all the control. 

But Donna seemed more than happy to give him that control. Her hands gripped at the sheets beneath her and she began to moan softly with each of his thrusts. The thought that he could make her come for the fourth time that night urged him to go harder and faster. 

The light slap of body against body mixed with the sound of both of their groans filled the room. Mindlessly, he muttered her name and God’s together in something that went from individual words and into an almost moaned chant of worship.

Quickly losing hold of his tenuous control, Josh desperately wanted her to fall over the maddening edge with him. Keeping a grip on her hip, his other hand darted between them to stroke her clit.

It was like touching off a firestorm in her. She arched her back even more and shoved herself hard against him. Then, grabbing a handful of the blanket, she covered her mouth with it as she came with an almost primal scream. 

Gripping her hips, he drove hard into her twice and then held himself deep inside her as he came with her name a shout on his lips.

The blanket muffled most but not all of her scream and he had been far from quiet, but at that moment, he really could have cared less who heard them. 

Still inside her, they were a mass of tangled arms and legs as he fell forward landing partially on her and partially on the bed. Spent and sweaty, both of them were limp as rags as they laid on the bed and tried to catch their breath.

His next sensation was Donna’s hand running lightly through his hair. “That was...” she said with a kind of wonder in her voice. “Okay, I don’t know what the hell that was...but God, Josh.”

Smiling at her, he opened his eyes. “My thoughts exactly, Donnatella.” So he didn’t have to move, he kissed the nearest patch of her skin which happened to be her shoulder. “At the risk of sounding like one of those trashy dime store novels, every time I’m with you is like nothing I’ve ever felt before.” The smile widened to a grin. “It helps that you're so flexible and very...inventive.” 

She grinned back at him. “You inspire me.”

“I just hope we didn’t wake the kids and that nobody called the cops on us for being too loud,” he said still grinning like a idiot.

“I’m thinking we’d better soundproof the master bedroom in the new house.”

He snorted. “Another inspired idea."

“Well, since I'm on a roll, here's another one, we should just sleep right here, because I’m too exhausted to move,” she suggested. 

“I guess you're three-for-three because it sounds good to me. But let’s at least cover up so we don’t freeze,” he suggested. 

Although it meant he had to slip out of her body, he half-rolled over and somehow managed to find the remote for the TV which he switched off. Then he grabbed the edge of a large section of the bedding and with a yank, he covered both of them in a nice little cocoon. Legs tangled and bodies pressed tightly against one another, they snuggled together inside it.

“Donna," he began quietly into the soft silence that had developed between them. "You know that if you wanted to quit your job and do something else, something that would make you happier, I’d support you."

"What are you talking about?" she said in surprise. 

"I guess..." He let out a breath. "...I don't know what I'm trying to say."

"Don't you think I can do the job?"

He tightened his arms around her. "Of course, I don't think that. I think you absolutely CAN do it. You’ve taken everything I’ve ever thrown at you and hardly blinked. I know that this thing with the pardons has been hard, but now that it's over, I think the job will be a cakewalk for you.”

"Then why are you bringing this up now?" she asked.

He sighed. "Because I don't want you to stay at the White House just for me if it's not what you want and it makes you miserable. I'd miss working in the same building with you, but it doesn't mean we still can't be together."

There was a very long silence from her and he wondered if she'd fallen asleep during his rambling.

"Donna?" he prompted.

She pressed a kiss to his cheek. "You are the sweetest..."

"Aw, Donna..." he whined slightly. "...don't get all girly on me."

"Why shouldn't I? I am a girl and after what we did a few minutes ago I would think you'd be thankful that I am," she teased.

"Believe me, I am thankful...you have no idea HOW thankful." He chuckled then sighed. "I'm just trying not to be selfish and you know how hard that is for me."

She ran her hand across his chest. "It's not nearly as hard as you want people to think," she said quietly.

As much as he appreciated it, he was always a little uncomfortable with unsolicited praise. "I’m just...I want you to be happy."

"I am happy, Josh," she said and he could hear the truth in her voice as her fingers intertwined with his. "You make me happy."

His lips brushed over her ear. "You make me happy too."

**********  
Chapter 34

“Is this the box you were looking for?” Sam asked carrying a large, but not especially heavy cardboard box.

Donna and Ainsley turned away from the closet where they were putting away some of Hannah’s things. 

“Yes, thank goodness, Sam. Put it down right there,” Donna said pointing to the corner of Hannah’s new bedroom which she and Hannah...well mostly she had painted a sunny yellow. “Where did you find it?”

“In the laundry room,” he said dropping it in the corner. 

“Watch out!” Josh exclaimed from his current position on the floor of Hannah’s room where he was attempting to put together her new bed which was currently in about 40 bits and pieces. “You’re going to mess up my carefully laid out pieces.”

Sam gave him a bemused smile. “You’re ‘pieces’ look about as carefully laid out as a Republican Health Care plan.” 

“Hey!” Ainsley and Josh protested simultaneously.

“Sorry, Ains, bad choice of words.” Sam walked over to her to get out of the reach of the hand tools Josh was using or more likely misusing. “Besides, you know I don’t think of you in those terms,” he said with a grin as he kissed her cheek as a peace offering.

For a moment, Ainsley looked like she was still debating whether or not to elbow him in the stomach. But it was pretty hard for her to be annoyed at him when he pulled out the smile that made her go weak in the knees. Consequently, her glare faded quickly.

“So, Donna, what’s this Sam tells me about the construction you had done in the master bedroom?” she asked.

Out of the corner of her eye, Donna saw Josh’s head dip a little farther into the bed’s instruction pamphlet. 

“Oh, it was nothing much,” she said blandly.

“Really?” Ainsley asked in innocent and genuine surprise. “Sam said they were tearing out walls last week.”

Josh’s head was now completely buried in the instructions, but Donna had no problem thinking on her feet with this one. “Well, I didn’t like the texture of the walls and when we looked at the house a couple of weeks ago, we thought the master bedroom was a little chilly so we had them update the insulation.”

Sam frowned. “But Josh said that it was because...”

“Sam!” Josh suddenly blurted a loudly. “Why don’t you come over here and see if you can help me with this thing?”

Donna gave Josh a glare that said they were going to have a discussion about just what he had told Sam about the master bedroom renovations. In the meantime, she didn’t think it was really fair to leave Ainsley standing there with a confused look on her face.

“We also had them add some soundproofing,” Donna explained in a low voice trying not to be too embarrassed.

The light bulb instantly went on for Ainsley. “Oh, got it. Hey, you know, that’s a good idea.” She lowered her voice too. “Maybe we should think about that. Sam can be kind of loud too.” 

“I heard that,” Sam groused from his spot on the floor beside Josh.

“Yes, Sam, and I’m sorry, but everyone, including the neighbors heard you last night,” she said. “I think the people in my building are planning on circulating a petition about us and the noise.”

Sam looked a little panicked. “Really?”

She smiled sweetly at him. “No, that was for the Republican Health Care comment.”  
Ainsley lowered her voice conspiratorially. “Actually I like it when he’s noisy,” she told Donna, making her grin as Sam turned three shades of red. 

“Okay, this is WAYYY too much information about your love life,” Josh said.

“Hey, Kettle, stop calling the pot Black,” Donna told him. “You’re the one who told him about the bedroom in the first place.”

“I was just...”Josh fumbled. “It was a guy thing.” 

Ainsley and Donna both gave him a pointed look. “And men say women gossip,” Donna said to Ainsley with a shake of her head. “In any case, there are two little kids in the house so can we move on from the noise-level-during-sex discussion?”

“Sorry,” Sam said. “So what was so important about that box?”

“It’s got the rest of Hannah’s clothes in it,” Donna explained as she and Ainsley walked over and pulled the top open. “I marked it, but I guess the moving men put it in the laundry room by mistake.”

“They probably couldn’t read your illegible handwriting,” Josh snarked, making Sam snort.

Donna couldn’t let that one pass, now could she?

“Hey, Furniture Boy, how’s that bed coming along?” she shot back.

That wiped the smirk right off his face and he buried his head in the instructions again. “It’s fine, I’ve got it all under control,” he grumbled and he and Sam tried to work on the bed.

“So is this another one of the boxes the probate attorneys sent you?” Ainsley asked as they looked through the box.

“Yeah, now that the Whitehall’s estate is all but settled, they sent us quite a bit of the kids' stuff last week. Mostly the clothes, toys and family pictures from their old house. We figured it would be easier to unpack them once we moved in so we haven’t had much of a chance to go through the boxes yet.” 

Donna held up a small pink sweater. “The problem with the clothes is that it’s been so long since their parents died and the kids are growing so fast, I’m guessing that they’ve outgrown most of them already. Especially Hannah. I swear she’s already too big for some of the things I bought her when they first moved in with Josh.”

“What about the kids’ furniture and other possessions? Are they going to send those along too? It seems like it would be easier...”

“Ow!” Sam yelled. “That was my finger Josh, if you could try not to hit it with any heavy objects, like you know, a HAMMER, I’d appreciate it!”

“...not to mention safer...” Ainsley continued with a little grin. “...if the kids could have their old furniture."

Donna sighed. "Well, there we have a problem. According to the papers that came with the boxes, what they’ve sent along is pretty much all the kids will be getting from their parents' estate. The house and the balance of house's contents, including all the furniture and anything of any real value is going to be sold at auction to settle the debts against the estate."

"Yeah, even the baseball card collection Jake put together with his dad is going up for auction," Josh put in. 

"Jake broke down in tears when he found out," Donna added sadly.

"Have you thought about appealing the court's decision?" Ainsley asked.

"We don’t think there’s time. The auction is in two weeks," Donna said and despite the sadness in her tone, she gave Josh a soft smile that spoke volumes of how much she loved him. “But Josh has it wired.”

"Oh? And just how do you have it ‘wired’?” Sam asked.

"Quite simple, Samuel,” he said trying to tighten a screw. “I used my considerable influence and Donna used her research skills and powers of persuasion and we came up with not only a list of the items that are being auctioned off but where and when the auction is being held."

Sam began to catch onto the idea. "You're going to the auction," he guessed.

Josh grinned. "Yeah, it's being held in New York so we’re going to take a long weekend. The kids will get to visit their grandmother and then we'll attend the auction and get whatever the kids want."

"Including the baseball card collection?" Sam guessed.

Josh nodded. "Yeah, but before you get any ideas, we're getting it for Jake, not for me."

"Never crossed my mind," Sam said with a smirk.

"How is their grandmother?" Ainsley asked quietly.

Donna let out a breath. "That's another reason why we're taking the kids. Even though she lasted longer than they thought she would, Mrs. Whitehall’s not doing well. Her cancer is apparently advancing pretty quickly now and she's completely bedridden," she said softly. "It may be the last chance they get to see her before she dies."

“That’s too bad,” Ainsley replied. “Speaking of the kids, where are they?”

“Downstairs in the living room. I have them going through the rest of their boxes.”

“Ah, I wondered why they were so quiet,” Ainsley replied as she and Donna continued to sort through the box, while Sam and Josh argued over how best to put the bed together. 

“I’m telling you, that part doesn’t go there,” Josh said. “According to the directions, part B goes in slot M and is held in place with fastener 8.”

“I know, but I think these directions were written by monkeys because slot M is in no way big enough for part B,” Sam protested. “And I think the “8” your looking at is actually a smudged ‘3’.” 

"No!" Josh insisted. "That IS an EIGHT."

"Maybe in bizarro-world..." Sam replied.

"Okay, I think that's our cue," Ainsley put in. "Come on, Sam, let's make our exit before you and Josh get into a fist fight." 

"But it's still early yet," Sam pointed out as he got up off the floor.

"Yes, but the weather's bad and supposed to get worse, so we should probably go home now," she said. "We can go back to your place, order lots of chinese food and see if we can get the people in YOUR building to start a petition about us and the noise too."

The meaning of her statement was not lost on Sam. "Gotta go, guys," he said with a grin.

"Thanks for coming. I know it was a lot to ask for you to give up part of a holiday weekend," Donna said referring to the fact that Monday was February 18th and a federal holiday. 

Sam shrugged. “Well, it’s not like we get to enjoy the three day weekend anyway. I’ve always found it ironic that we work in the highest levels of the federal government and yet we don’t actually get to have the day off on a federal holiday,” he said referring to the fact that to most of the people in the White House, a holiday was just like any other work day.

“You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Sam,” Josh joked. 

“Well, for the record, I’d like to have a day off once in a while, but since that ship has sailed, I still want to say thanks to you guys for hiring movers and not drafting me, Ainsley, CJ and Toby into service to move your stuff."

Donna grinned. "Well, Josh thought I was a little nuts for wanting to hire movers, but I figured Leo would appreciate it when you all didn't call in sick because of sore backs and strained muscles."

"Josh, you should always listen to Donna," Sam instructed. "She's much smarter than you."

"Tell me something I don't know," he said absently with a smirk as he continued to study the instructions.

With that, Sam and Ainsley said their goodbyes and left. Donna grabbed a pile of empty hangers from the closet and started to hang up some of the things she and Ainsley had unearthed from the box.

“Okay, Donna, for the record, you’re never allowed to shop at IKEA again,” Josh told her as he frowned at the directions again. “From now on all furniture we get has to come assembled or at least have directions that were written by someone who didn't speak Swahili or Sanskrit as their native language."

"Well, setting aside the fact that I didn’t actually get her bed there, IKEA is a Swedish company, Josh," she teased. "You remember, Sweden right?"

He snorted softly. "Yeah, it's right near Finland where they have moose meat," he teased.

Donna turned and threw one of Hannah’s shirts at his head.

“Uncle Josh?” Jake’s tentative voice came from the doorway.

Josh turned around and saw Jake clutching what looked to be two picture frames. “Yeah, Jake?”

Jake walked a little farther into the room with Hannah close on his heels. "I um..." he began uncertainly.

Josh frowned a little. "What is it?" he prompted.

"I was just wondering if you..." His look shifted to Donna for a moment. "and Aunt Donna would...I mean..."

It was obvious to Josh that something was troubling him. "We would what?" Josh asked when Jake's voice trailed off again.

When he only continued to fidget, Donna spoke up. "It's okay, Jake, what did you want to ask us?"

Hannah gave Jake's shoulder a little push and it seemed to give him a little courage. "Would it be okay if I put this picture of...my Mom and Dad and Grandma up in the living room?"

Donna stepped forward to see the picture. It was a picture that, given Hannah's age, looked to be taken last summer. She guessed they were having some sort of barbecue at the Whitehall's home. Jason and Diana Whitehall were an attractive, happy-looking couple. Donna could see that Mrs. Whitehall had been right, Jason did look somewhat like Josh around the eyes. As for Gloria Whitehall herself, she was still in her wheelchair but she definitely looked better and had more light in her eyes than when they'd met her at the nursing home in New York.

"I think this would make a lovely addition to our picture wall in the living room," Donna told him referring to the main wall of the living room where they were hanging photographs. "Don't you, Josh?"

She handed Josh the picture and he studied if for a moment, then handed it back to Jake. "Of course it would," he replied. 

Jake looked relieved. "Can I also put this one of Mom and Dad in my room?"

"Sure you can," Josh said with a smile. "But can I ask you something?" 

"Yeah...?" Jake said cautiously.

"Why did you think you had to ask us about something like that?"

Jake looked between the two of them, then he stared at Josh and shuffled his feet a bit. "Well, since we live with you now, I guess...I didn't want to hurt your feelings by wanting pictures of mom and dad around."

Josh reached out and laid his hand on his arm. "Jake, your parents are part of who you and Hannah are. I don't want you to forget them. And I definitely I don't want you to choose between them and Donna and me."

Jake looked a little surprised, but very happy. "Really?"

Josh gave him a smile. "Yes, really. Don't you think there's room for all of us?"

Jake stared down at the picture for a very long moment, then he looked up at Josh. "Yeah, I think there is," he said with a voice that was now clear and steady.

Josh nodded. "Good, then you put out just as many pictures and reminders of your parents as you want to."

Adding her voice, Donna laid her hand on Jake's shoulder. "Jake, we don't want you and Hannah to think that this house just belongs to Uncle Josh and me and we let you live here," she smiled. "This is your house too...we're a family and it's OUR house."

Jake looked up and gave her a warm, grateful smile. "Thanks, Aunt Donna," he said as he headed for his room across the hall.

As Donna watched him go, she felt a tug on her sweatshirt. Looking down, she saw Hannah trying to get her attention. 

“And what can we do for you, Hannah my dear?” Donna asked.

"I wanna picture of mommy and daddy in my room too," Hannah told her as she held out a framed photo. "Is this one okay?"

Donna took the frame and looked at it. The photo had obviously been taken on Jason and Diana Whitehall's wedding day. They looked happy and very much in love.

She ran a hand over Hannah's hair affectionately. "I think this one is great."

"I think mommy looks like a fairy princess," Hannah said a little wistfully.

"Yes, she does, Pixie, you're right," Donna agreed. "Where would you like to put it?"

"Up there," Hannah said pointing to the nightstand that stood in the spot that would be next to her bed...that is, if Josh ever managed to finish putting the bed together.

Donna handed her the picture and watched as she gently set it down on the nightstand. “How’s that?“ Hannah asked.

“Perfect,” Donna beamed.

“Are you and Unca Josh gonna get married?” Hannah asked without preamble.

An enormous silence followed her question.

“Oh, well, Hannah...you see...” Donna fumbled.

Donna looked over at Josh for some kind of help and was surprised to find him staring back at her. His curious expression said he wanted to know the answer just as much as Hannah did. When he realized she'd caught him staring, he quickly buried his nose in the instructions again.

They hadn’t talked about getting married since their first night together at the Hay Adams when Josh had proposed. Donna didn’t think he’d changed his mind and was in fact, waiting for her to make the next move on the subject. The problem was, she didn’t really know what the next move should be. And the fact that it was on her shoulders made her heart beat a little painfully against her ribs.

"'Cause I’d like to be the flower girl,” Hannah chattered to Donna unaware of what she’d stirred up. “I didn’t get to be the flower girl at mommy and daddy’s wedding cause I wasn’t born yet. But I’ll be a good one, I promise.”

Donna couldn’t help but smile at Hannah. “Of course you would, Pixie,” Donna said. “You’d be the prettiest and best flower girl there ever was.” Hannah beamed under her praise.

“So when are you gonna get married so I can be your flower girl?” Hannah said with the innocent persistence of a 4-year old. 

Donna looked at Josh again and although he was still staring into the depths of the instructions, she knew he was keenly aware of every word she was saying. 

“Well, Hannah, we’re thinking about it,” Donna finally said truthfully. She was pretty sure it was all she was going to be thinking about for the foreseeable future. “And when we decide to get married, you and Jake will be the first ones to know and I promise you’ll be our flower girl.” 

Donna glanced at Josh and thought she saw him frown at her non-answer, which only made her feel more guilty.

As for Hannah, Donna had apparently said the right thing because she let out a little ‘kay’ and all but skipped over to Josh.

“Unca Josh!” she said with a giggle as she all but pounced on his back and held on as if she wanted him to give her piggy back ride.

“Huh, what?” he said seeming a little startled as if he’d been a little too absorbed in his own thoughts to anticipate her boisterous arrival, but he recovered quickly enough to tease her. “I think you’re becoming part monkey, kiddo.”

“I’m not a monkey,” she insisted with a pout that was part hers and part a mannerism that she'd already picked up from Donna. “I’m a princess.”

Josh grinned at her. “How about Princess Monkey then?”

She wrinkled up her face in 4-year old disgust. “No, I’m Princess Hannah.”

Josh snorted softly. “Like I can resist that face. Okay, Princess Hannah it is. Now can I ask what Her Highness is doing hanging on my back?”

“Are you gonna have my bed put together by bedtime so I can sleep in it tonight?" she said hopefully.

Donna saw the hint of panic in Josh's eyes before he answered and she had to suppress a smile. 

"Uh...sure," he said.

"YAY! You're the bestest!" she all but cheered in his ear as she squeezed her little arms tighter around his neck. After giving him the biggest hug she could manage, she jumped down off his back and trotted around in front of him. Putting one little hand on each side of his face, she pressed a butterfly kiss to his cheek. "I love you, Unca Josh." 

Silently, the two of them watched Hannah dance out of the room. As he turned back to the instructions, Donna heard Josh give an odd little sniffle.

Walking over to him, she laid her hand on his shoulder. "You okay?" she asked gently.

"Yeah...what?" he said with a little shrug, but she noticed he didn't look at her as he swiped his face on his sleeve. "I just got some dust in my eye or something."

Seeing him getting all misty over Hannah's simple affection made her want to melt all over him. It also made her want to gauge his feelings about the marriage question that Hannah had brought up earlier.

"Josh..." she tried.

"So Hannah's bedtime is midnight, right?" he joked. 

"Josh..." she tried again.

"'Cause I don't know if I can finish this any earlier than that,” he continued, clearly trying to divert the conversation. “I think there are pieces missing or something."

She gave it one more try. "Josh..."

"No, really, what I have here on the floor and what they’re saying I should have really don’t look like they match up all that well."

With a sigh, Donna sat down on the floor next to him. "Don't you think we should talk about what Hannah said?"

"Said about what?" Josh hedged even though she was pretty sure he knew what she was referring to.

"About us getting married."

He gave her a careful side way's glance and there was no trace of accusation or anger in his words when he answered. "I figured you wouldn’t want to talk about it. The last time the subject came up, you said you weren't ready." 

"I know, but..."

Josh didn't let her finish. "And I promised not to pressure you about it.”

“I know and you haven’t...I just thought...” she trailed off.

There was a long silence that she didn’t seem to know how to fill, so Josh picked up the ball. 

"Can I just ask you...is it me?” his voice caught slightly. “Is it something I've done or haven’t done? Is there something lacking in me? Is that why you don't want to get married?"

The thought he would blame himself, set her heart beating painfully against her ribs again. "God, no, Josh. It's not you. You've been amazing. Being with you is more than I ever dreamed it could be."

He seemed a little relieved to hear her say it. “Then, it’s okay,” he said laying his hand on hers. “When it’s the right time, we’ll talk about it.” He bumped his shoulder against hers. “Besides, married or not married, I’m not going anywhere.” 

While she was grateful that he was being so generous about it, she almost wished he would push her a little harder. When did he become the emotionally mature one in their relationship? She didn’t know where to begin the conversation they really should be having and he wasn’t giving her much of an opening. Consequently, she thought maybe the right time he talked about wasn’t there yet and it was best to drop it.

“Same goes for me, you know,” she said, giving his hand a squeeze. “Now, how about if I help you with the bed? We’ve still got the rest of the afternoon, maybe we can figure it out...together.”

The double meaning of her words was not lost on him and he smiled at her. “It always seems to work out better when we do it that way, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, it does,” she agreed softly. “Now let’s get to work.”

**********  
Chapter 35

A few hours later and feeling very pleased with himself, Josh trotted downstairs to see what Donna was doing. Working as a team, they'd finished the bed and she'd gone downstairs to start some laundry and he hadn't seen her since. 

Given the fact that he thought everything was pretty well done, he couldn’t imagine what she’d found to occupy herself with so long. He thought maybe he’d find her in the kitchen making dinner or unpacking some of the kitchen remnants but she wasn’t there. 

As he walked past the new dining room table, he saw the packet of paperwork Sam had left there for him and Donna to sign. As he studied the contents, he realized, he hadn’t discussed the contents with her and he wasn’t quite sure how she was going to react to them. 

After their brief marriage discussion earlier, he just hoped she didn’t feel like he was using them to pressure her. That was the last thing he wanted. Actually he saw the legal paperwork as a way to secure her future...their future, regardless of whether or not they were married.

A frown followed on the heels of that thought. While he respected the fact that she wasn’t ready, he still wanted to marry her. If someone had asked him why he would have said truthfully that it was because he loved her and wanted to show his commitment to her and to the kids. 

Of course, there was also the tiny, supremely male part of him that wanted to marry her as a shout out to the world that she was his. And after all the time he’d had to deny what he’d felt for her, he didn’t feel the least bit guilty for feeling that way.

Stepping into the only room he hadn’t actually looked in, the living room, he found her. She was asleep on the couch with Hannah zonked out on her chest. It was quite the picture and not for the first time, Josh noted how natural they looked together. 

There were times he could hardly believe he and Donna were together now, and that this whole thing wasn’t some amazing dream he was going to wake up from any minute. However, on the off chance, no, on the snowball’s-chance-in-hell that it was a dream, he decided when he woke up, he wouldn’t waste a minute before he told Donna how he felt and would set about making the dream a reality.

But in his heart, he knew it was real. Nothing in his life had ever felt so good...so right. 

In addition to what had happened between him and Donna, both of the kids had come so far from that day in New York when they’d visited them in the foster home. Jake’s continuing weekly therapy sessions was helping him work through a lot of issues, and consequently, he was happier, more outgoing and was flourishing at school. As for Hannah, while there were still times she was too quiet and she didn’t usually talk around strangers, more often than not when it was just the four of them or she was with people she knew fairly well, she was quite the chatterbox. 

Josh reflected on how different his life was now. Admittedly, if someone had told him six months ago that he’d be in this place with Donna and their little instant family, he would have said they were crazy. But now, after everything, he honestly couldn’t imagine being or wanting to be anyplace else. 

Life sure did have some funny twists and turns, he mused. Of that much he was now certain.

**********  
Donna took a last look around Josh’s now empty apartment. Given that this had been Josh’s home since she’d know him, it was a little strange to think she would never see him here again. Of course, given the fact that they would now be living in a new house...together, that thought was really pretty silly.

With a slightly nostalgic sigh, she turned and walked to the front door. Grabbing the knob, she turned it but found it wouldn’t budge. She tried again and again to open it, but it remained stubbornly closed. Josh’s door had never done that before and even if she had the key it wouldn’t have mattered because there was no key hole on that side of the door. In fact, now that she looked at it, there was nothing on the knob at all. She recalled there being a twist lock on that side of the door, but now the knob was smooth. Had Josh changed the locks and forgotten to tell her?

Oh, well, he was just downstairs with the moving truck, she’d just poke her head out the window and tell him to come up and let her out.

Moving to the nearest window that faced the street, she tried to unlatch it and found that it too wouldn’t budge. Even more disconcerting was the fact when she looked out the window she didn’t see the street below or the buildings across the street. In fact, she didn’t even see a street at all. Everything outside the window was a formless grey-like nothingness. It was the strangest fog she’d ever seen. 

“Josh?!” she called through the closed window. She also tried banging on it with her fist to make some noise. “JOSH?! Can you hear me?! Josh!!” 

”He’s not there, Donna,” a soft voice came from behind her.

She whirled around to see Toby standing behind her. He was wearing a tuxedo, which was weird on many levels, not the least of which was the fact that the last time she’d seen him, he was dressed much more casually in jeans and a sweatshirt.

“Toby?” she asked in confusion. “What are you doing here?”

“This is where I’m supposed to be, so here I am,” he said strangely.

“Okay...” she said with no idea how else to respond. “A better question is how did you get in here with the door and windows closed?”

He seemed to consider that for a long time, then he slid his hand in his pocket. “No, I think a better question is just what do you think you’re doing?”

This odd game of 20 Questions was beginning to annoy her. “I was giving the apartment a final once over.”

“No, you were looking back,” he said. “You were thinking about all the times you came here to see Josh and how you can’t come back here again.”

How could he know that’s exactly what she’d been thinking? “Is remembering such a bad thing?” she said a little defensively.

“Not usually, no,” he said calmly. “But living in the past is.”

She blinked at him. Even for Toby, he was being enigmatic. “I’m not living in the past.”

“Aren’t you?” he challenged. “Isn’t that why you wouldn’t marry Josh?”

“That’s none of your business, Toby,” she shot back heatedly. “And I don’t have time for this. We’re moving today and I’ve got to help Josh.”

Toby’s face remained impassive. “I told you, Josh isn’t here.”

She rolled her eyes. “Okay, downstairs then.”

“He’s not downstairs either.”

Toby was seriously losing it. “Okaaaay...so just where is he then?” she said carefully, like she was talking to a deranged lunatic and didn’t want to set him off. 

“It doesn’t matter. He’s not here and you're just going to have to accept that.”

“Toby, you’re not making any sense. Where...is...Josh?” she said slowly.

“I think you need to spend more time looking at where YOU are.”

Her patience was wearing thing. “Stop turning everything back on me!” she half yelled at him.

“I can’t help it,” he said with an easy shrug. “That’s why we’re here. Because of you.”

“What do you mean?” she snapped.

“Ah, finally her curiosity gets the better of her,” Toby commented. “I mean that while you were too busy living in the past, you let Josh slip away.”

Despite her annoyance, she started to feel a little finger of unnamed fear creep up her spine. “What the hell, Toby? No, I didn’t. He’s waiting for me downstairs and if I could...” She wrestled with the door again to no avail. “...just get this damn door open, we could get out of this stupid apartment and go down there and he’d tell you that himself.”

"He got tired of waiting, Donna," he said quietly.

"I'm tired of arguing with you about this. You've clearly been drinking or something."

“Okay...” Toby said with a sigh, his voice heavy with resignation as he stroked his beard. “...there, now it’s open, you can go see for yourself.”

Donna looked, and sure enough, not only was the door unlocked, but it stood open as if beckoning her outside.

“Finally,” she said in relief. 

Trying to shove down the groundless feeling of panic coursing through her, Donna flew down the stairs. Oddly, Toby didn’t seem to be following her, but in her haste to get to Josh she didn’t care.

She came to a crashing halt on the stoop at the front of the building. Even though the sky was a still a dull grey color, unlike the view from the window, she could now see the street and the buildings that lined it, but everything was silent and deserted. There wasn’t even a moving truck where she’d seen it last. Except for a lone black town car stopped across from her, there weren’t any other cars on the street. 

Sensing a presence, she turned and looked up toward Josh’s apartment. There, standing at the window, looking down at her, was Toby. His face was still calm and placid, but she could see a pitying sadness in his eyes as he watched her.

Her head snapped back around when she heard the engine of the black town car start up. Her heart jumped into her throat when she saw the back window was rolled down and Josh was watching her. Their gazes locked and for a moment, Josh looked terribly sad. Then, with a sigh, he settled back in his seat and disappeared from view. In his place, Hannah and Jake appeared in the window and waved happily at her as the car began to drive away.

“Wait!!!” Donna yelled, her feet apparently rooted in place so she couldn’t move. “Don’t go!! Wait for me!!”

Despite her cries, the car didn’t slow as it made its way up the street. Even after she couldn’t see their faces anymore, she could still see Hannah’s little hand continue to wave out the window until the car turned and disappeared from sight.

“See, Donna, I told you,” Toby’s voice came from behind her. “He’s gone.”

Of course now she had no problem moving and she crossed to him. “Where did they go, Toby?!” she demanded angrily.

“Where would you go?” Toby asked her.

“Stop with the damn puzzles and just tell me!”

“He’s moved on Donna. Where he’s going, you can’t follow.”

Donna grabbed him by the lapels of his tuxedo. “Don’t tell me that!” she said. “I’d follow him into hell, Toby, now where is he?”

Toby seemed to go from solid to vaporous in a heartbeat and she actually felt her hands pass through him as he dissipated. Then she was alone with only his final words echoing in her ears.

“Stop living in the past, Donna.”

Donna woke with a start and almost tossed Hannah off the couch, but luckily, she managed to hang onto her. Given Hannah’s penchant for heavy sleeping, she didn’t even wake up.

“Oh, Hannah,” Donna said hugging her close, even though she knew Hannah was still asleep and wouldn’t hear her. “What a crazy dream I had.”

For what hadn’t actually been a nightmare, Donna had to say that it was just about the single most unsettling dream she’d ever had.

When her breathing had returned to normal but her emotions hadn’t, she settled Hannah back on the couch and went in search of Josh. The dream still fresh in her mind, she began to panic when she couldn’t find him or Jake anywhere. 

“Josh?!” she called. The sound of her voice echoing through the silent house was very disquieting. 

Still looking for him, she rushed through the kitchen and saw a note taped to the refrigerator.

Hey Sleeping Beauty,

Jake and I went to put gas in car  
before the snow got too bad.

Don’t worry about dinner, we’ll stop  
by Marchello’s and pick up something  
to celebrate the new house.

Love  
Josh

Leaning heavily against the counter, Donna clutched at her chest to try and control her breathing as she almost sagged to the floor in relief. There had been zero reason to get upset. He and Jake had just gone out to run errands.

Her relief was short lived when the memory of the dream surged through her mind. What if it was some kind of omen? 

‘Where he’s going, you can’t follow’ Toby had said. Just what the hell did he mean?

What if Josh was in some kind of danger and the dream was a warning? She didn't think of herself as psychic, but so many things could happen. A car accident on the snowy roads, the gas station or the restaurant could be held up, they could be car-jacked. A million possibilities, none of them good, flashed through her mind.

“Okay, Donna,” she muttered. “Calm down. You're over reacting, you need to think logically."

As much as her first instinct was to think the dream had been some kind of metaphysical warning, she also realized that dreams were a link between the conscious and the unconscious mind. They were a way for the unconscious to work out issues that the conscious mind didn’t have time to deal with during the day. Following that line of reasoning, she tried to be calm and analyze the dream.

In the dream, Toby had kept saying that she was living in the past. The idea seemed laughable to her and yet something tugged at her as if there were a grain of truth to it.

"I'm not living in the past," she insisted out loud.

But even as she said it, her mind was searching for any signs that was exactly what she was doing and what that even meant.

Maybe she should talk to Josh. Yes, maybe he could provide some insight, she thought. If nothing else, she was sure the sound of his voice would help settle her.

Digging her cell phone out of her purse, she dialed his number and much to her surprise, she heard it start ringing. Not over her phone, but she heard his actual cell phone ringing in the dining room.

Walking in there she found it sitting under a pile of papers. Her heart sank to see he hadn’t taken it with him. In all the upheaval of moving, he must have forgotten about it. 

Dropping his phone back on the table, she realized that the papers the cell phone had been lying under were the documents that Josh and Sam told her she would need to sign for the house and the new mortgage. Josh had insisted that the house be put in both their names, which she thought was incredibly sweet and thoughtful. 

She could see that throughout the stack of papers, small colored flags had been placed where she needed to sign. Since she wasn’t getting anywhere with the thinking and the dream analysis, she decided that it would be as good a time as any to sign them. 

Hunting up a pen, she sat down at the table and started signing. When she got to the bottom of the seemingly endless pile of mortgage paperwork, she was surprised to see it wasn’t the only set of documents in the pile.

Right beneath the mortgage documents was something that made her heart drop and put a lump in her throat. 

Josh’s will.

Although objectively she knew it was the responsible thing for him to do, especially now that he had the kids, the idea of him drawing up a new will was hard for her. She knew he’d had a will drawn up after Rosslyn, and in her mind, this new will reminded her of the fact that he was going to die and him dying, even if it wasn’t for thirty or forty or more years from now, was something she couldn’t and wouldn’t absorb.

What she wanted to do was put the will back under the mortgage papers and not bring it up again unless Josh did, but given that her name was all over the first page, her curiosity wouldn’t let her.

As she slowly thumbed through it, she saw that almost every page had some kind of flag on it that needed to be initialed or required a full signature. Josh had already signed or initialed all the areas where his name was listed and only the areas bearing her name were blank. 

Skimming the papers, she was stunned by what she saw. While he’d made Sam the executor of his estate, he’d made her his main beneficiary. Since it was the last thing she cared about, she’d never given much thought to Josh’s money or possessions, but she saw now he had considerable assets. In essence, upon his death, she’d inherit everything he owned and would act as trustee for the money he’d set aside to take care of the kids, to pay for them to go to college, and to take care of his mother for the rest of her life. 

Josh had also named her as Hannah and Jake’s guardian if anything should happen to him. If for some reason she and Josh both died, Sam would be their guardian. 

Still reeling from what she was reading, she even more surprised by what was under his new will. 

Josh’s old will...and her signature was all over it.

She frowned. She didn’t remember ever signing it. Surely that was something that would have stuck in her mind. 

Seeing his medical power of attorney with the old will and taking note of the date of her signature, it came floating back to her. The summer she’d moved in with him during his recovery, she and Josh had talked about giving her his medical power of attorney and she in turn had given him hers. With both of their respective families so far away, it seemed like the easier and more sensible thing to do. 

Then the December after Rosslyn, Sam had thrust a bunch of papers in front of her at work one day. He'd told her they were papers related to Josh’s medical power of attorney that she needed to sign. 

When he'd handed them to her, she’d been busy worrying about Josh’s increasingly erratic behavior and doing a hundred other tasks at the same time. Given that and the fact that she trusted Sam, she’d just signed them without reading them. 

Now as she read through his old will, she could see that other than where the kids were concerned, he had made the same provisions for her in that will that he had in the new one. As she finished scanning it, she found there was one more thing left in the pile. A plain manila envelope. 

Across the front, in Sam’s elegant script, was written “Adoption Papers.”

Given the fact that the envelop wasn’t sealed and she’d already read everything else whether she was supposed to or not, she lifted the flap and took out the documents. Once again, she found more than one document and she found something that surprised her.

The first document was the paperwork Josh had drawn up to adopt the kids. They were pretty straightforward and she could see that Josh had already signed and completed everything.

The second document was adoption papers with HER name on it. Or more accurately, the name of Donnatella Moss-Lyman on it. It took her a second to realize why he would have listed her name that way. Presumably, that would be her married name. 

They’d looked into both of them adopting the kids without being married, and what they found hadn't been encouraging. With Josh being a blood relative and already adopting them, the child welfare authorities said her application as a single woman would be extraneous. Plus, on a strictly objective level, they saw two unmarried people adopting the same children asking for trouble when it came to the questions of custody if their relationship ended. She found it kind of strange however, they didn’t think the same thing when it came to married people who’d adopted children getting divorced. 

To another woman, it might have been a little off putting that Josh had assumed they'd get married at some point and she would adopt the kids. But for Donna, it showed his faith in their relationship and it suddenly brought everything, including her dream into focus.

He was moving forward, but what has she done? While she had plunged ahead with him on a personal level, did love and accept the kids and was fine with the idea of the house, she had hesitated to marry him and had been riddled with self-doubt when her 'forced' promotion had pushed her into doing more at work.

Josh on the other hand had adjusted to the idea of having a half-brother and adopting a half-niece and nephew. Then he'd taken things to the next level with her, asked her to marry him with no one holding a gun to his head, suggested they get a house, and even managed to let her go at work, admittedly under protest, but he'd still done it. He'd even gone so far as to worry if he were taking advantage of her and then supported and encouraged her when her self-confidence had faltered. 

Why hadn't she noticed how much Josh had been changing?

And why hadn't she been making an effort to do any changing herself?

"Oh, my God, I am living in the past," she murmured as she blinked back tears.

**********  
Josh navigated the increasingly treacherous roads. It had started snowing about the time he and Jake had left the house and wasn't showing signs of stopping any time soon. He was glad that they'd been able to get the moving done earlier in the day and now they could just spend some time unpacking and enjoy the new house together. Leo had even been generous enough to tell them, barring a national emergency, to take the full weekend off to get settled.

"So you like the new house?" he asked Jake. 

"It's nice, I like my room," Jake said from the backseat.

"I bet it'll be great to have your own room and not have to share anymore."

Jake was thoughtful for a moment, almost too thoughtful really for an eight year old. "Sharing with Hannah was okay," he said with quiet seriousness. "She needed me to take care of her."

The heavy burden the young boy had been forced to take on still tugged at Josh. "You're a good brother, Jake," Josh told him as they turned onto their street. "But could you promise me something?"

"What?"

"Just remember you don't have to take care of her all by yourself anymore. Donna and I are here to help with that too."

"I know," Jake told him. "I'm glad about that."

Josh smiled. "Good."

"Uncle Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think the backyard is big enough for us to play catch?"

Josh grinned at the change of subject. He was learning that kids changed subjects faster than he or Donna ever could. 

"Well, we might want to wait until the snow melts, but yes, it should be big enough," he said as they pulled into the driveway of the house. Josh could see that a lot of snow had already collected on the front walk. By morning, it would need to be shoveled. 

"Good, 'cause I'll need to practice for little league."

Josh switched off the engine. "I don't think it will be a problem, Jake." He really liked the idea of getting to play catch with Jake.

The two of them climbed out of car and Josh retrieved the two huge take out bags containing dinner from the backseat. He hadn't taken more than a few steps toward the house when, in a flurry of movement, Donna came rushing out and skidded to a stop in front of him.

"Donna, where's your coat? It's freezing out here," he said referring to the fact that she was only wearing a sweatshirt and jeans.

"Josh, you have to make Sam your beneficiary."

It took him a second to realize what she was talking about. "Oh, so you saw the papers on the dining room table. Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about those."

"You need to make Sam your beneficiary," she reiterated.

He frowned. "Why?"

“Or better yet, don’t die,” she said, nearly knocking him over and then squeezing off his air supply as she threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

Josh wanted to hug her back, but it was pretty hard with his hands full of the take-out bags. “Um, Jake,” he managed. “Why don’t you take the food in the house?"

Jake's eyes had gone wide and a little scared. "You're not going to die, are you Uncle Josh?"

Josh muttered an oath. "No, Jake, not for a long time. Now why don't you go inside, and we'll be along in a second."

Handing the bags off to Jake, Josh put his arms around Donna but waited for Jake to go inside before he spoke. "Donna, do you think it's a really good idea to mention death around two kids who lost their parents recently and are still getting used to the idea of being part of a family again?"

"I'm sorry, but you need to promise me you won't die."

Not understanding what she was talking about, he chuckled. "Well, I know I have a big ego and some of the Republican nut jobs think I'm the anti-Christ, but I don't think I can promise you that."

"I'm serious, Josh," she said not relinquishing her hold on him. "I’m going to be really mad if you die."

Hearing the seriousness in her voice, Josh managed to pry himself loose, so he could look at her. "Donna, you’re not making any sense, I mean more than usual that is," he tried to tease. Then he could see that her eyes were red. "Have you been crying?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Of course, it matters," he insisted. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong is I don't want you to die."

He was getting a tiny bit annoyed that she was giving him the same answer over and over again, especially since it wasn't doing anything to help him figure out why she was so upset.

"Okay, well, I'm glad to hear that, but I still don't understand why we're having this conversation," he said.

"I'm sorry, but I read your will and it made me think..."

"Is that all?" Josh laughed in relief. Now they were getting somewhere. "It's just a will, Donna, it's doesn't mean anything. I'm not going to need it anytime soon."

"You can't die, Josh...ever."

He really didn't want to have this conversation. Things were going so well right now, the last thing he wanted to think about or even acknowledge that either of them could die and miss a minute of it.

"Everyone dies, Donna," he said quietly. 

“Not you," she said stubbornly. "At least not before me.”

He didn't like the sound of that at all. “You’re not going to die before me. There’s no way! I won’t stand for it.” 

“And I won’t stand for you dying before me,” she said stamping her foot

He couldn’t believe they were standing in the front yard having an argument about who was going to die first. Then he looked down and saw she was standing in the snow without any shoes on. 

“Donna! What the hell are you doing outside in your socks?” he demanded. "Are you trying to kill yourself by catching pneumonia?!"

“Stop trying to change the subject!” 

“I’m not trying to change the subject! But scaring me a little bit right now. I just have no clue what brought this on. When I left, you were asleep on the couch. Now you come charging out into the snow with no coat, in your socks trying to get me to promise I won’t ever die.” He frowned. “Wait, you really are awake, aren’t you? I mean you’re not sleep walking or something?”

She dragged a hand through her hair in frustration. “No, Josh. I’m wide awake. In fact, I don't think I've ever been quite this awake in my life.”

“Okay," he said, although he wasn't convinced. "Did you use some kind of toxic cleaning products? Or fall and hit your head while I was gone? Maybe I need to check the house for a gas leak or something.”

"Stop it, Josh! I'm not joking here. I need you to listen to me.”

“I am listening, but you’re not making any sense,” he said. “Wait, I know. I bet you haven’t eaten all day. You’re blood sugar is probably really low. But you’re in luck because Jake just took a mountain of food in the house,” he said. “I even got you the 5-cheese lasagna with marinara sauce you like.”

Donna stared at him with fear, confusion and desperation shading her eyes.

“Marry me,” she blurted.

TBC


	8. Little Wonders: Chapters 36-39

**********  
Chapter 36

Hannah was yawning by the time Josh got to the end of the story.

Cinderella reached into a pocket under her apron. "See," she said, "I have the other slipper." The Duke slipped it on her foot and it fit perfectly. Thereupon the fairy godmother appeared, touched Cinderella with her wand, and all could see that she was indeed the unknown beauty who had captured the Prince's heart at the ball.

Cinderella was driven to the Royal Palace in the King's own coach. There, amid great rejoicing and the ringing of all the bells in the kingdom, Cinderella married her Prince.

Josh closed the book. "And they lived happily ever after."

Hannah let out a sleepy sigh. "I love that story."

Pulling the covers higher up over her, he smiled. "I kinda guessed that since you've asked me to read it every night for the last two weeks."

"You're funny, Unca Josh," she said with a little giggle. "Thank you for my new bed."

"So does that mean you like it?"

"I like it a lot," she said sleepily as she tightened her grip on Bentley.

Josh kissed her forehead. "I'm glad, Princess."

She yawned again. "But what if I get lonely in here all by myself and can't go to sleep?" her words were pretty much ruined by the fact that her eyes were almost closed.

Josh brushed some hair back from her face. "Oh, I don't think you'll get lonely. After all, you've got Bentley to keep you company. But if you do, Jake's in his room across the hall and you know Aunt Donna and I are just a couple doors down."

"Oh-kay," she said, finally succumbing to sleep.

With a smile, Josh stood up and walked to the door. With a final look back, he smiled, turned out the overhead light so her little nightlight was the only one still burning in the room and he stepped into the hall.

And nearly ran smack into Donna. 

"Sorry," she apologized softly.

Josh let out a sigh. The only way he'd been able to get her to come inside...after whatever that had been in the front yard...was to promise they'd talk it through that night after the kids had gone to bed. But ever since then, she'd been hovering around him and looking like she was worried he was about to disappear into thin air at a moment's notice.

"I'll be right back," he tried reassuring her.

Walking into Jake's bedroom, he saw Jake had fallen asleep with the light on and his book was resting across his chest. Josh really wasn't surprised. With all they'd done today and the fact that it was way past both his and Hannah's bedtimes, it would have been strange if he'd still been wide awake. The only reason Hannah had lasted so long was because of the nap she'd had that afternoon.

Setting the book aside, Josh pulled the covers up a little higher around Jake, then he switched off the light and went back out into the hallway where he knew Donna would still be waiting.

She didn't disappoint him.

"If I haven't told you before, you're very good with them," she said quietly. "You've become a really great father...uncle."

His stomach clenched when he saw tears swimming in her eyes. He had no idea what was putting them there. In his mind, they'd had a good day and he didn't understand what could possibly be so upsetting to her. 

He took her hand. "Okay, it's definitely time for us to have that talk."

Continuing to hold her hand, Josh led her downstairs and after settling her on the same couch he'd found her and Hannah asleep on earlier, he started a fire in the fireplace.

"Now..." he began as he switched off the lamp so the fire was the only light in the room and settled himself on the couch near her. "...what’s got you so upset?"

He watched the firelight play over her face as she seemed to go through some kind of internal struggle. Then there was a long silence in the room when she seemed at a loss for words. Clearly embarrassed, she gave a nervous little laugh. 

"You're not going to believe this, but now that we're here, I don't know how to start."

"Well, first of all, Donna, take a couple of deep breaths. You look like you're about ready to hyperventilate," he said, giving her hand a squeeze.

She took a moment to do as he asked. "Okay."

“Now why don’t you tell me why you were so insistent on me making Sam my beneficiary?”

"Well, I know it will probably sound a little silly, but I came to some realizations after I read through the documents you left on the table, including your will. I didn't want, I DON'T want you to ever think anything I do is motivated by the fact that I know I'm your beneficiary," she explained. "And I still think making Sam your beneficiary is a good idea. I'll also sign a pre-nup if you want me to."

He blinked in surprise and stood there at a completed loss for words. Finally, he couldn't help but laugh.

"Why is that funny?" she demanded.

"Because it's ridiculous. Of course, I don't want you to sign a pre-nup and I'm not going to make Sam my beneficiary. If you were some gold digger, you could have seduced me and robbed me blind a long time ago. Setting aside the fact that you were the beneficiary of my last will...”

“Which I don’t remember even signing, by the way,” she put in. “Things were so crazy back then and I’m pretty sure that Sam slipped them in with the medical power of attorney.”

“Okay, but what I’m getting at is you’re already on all of my credit card accounts and have your own copies of the cards and with all the paperwork you've had me sign over the years you could have slipped in something like a full power of attorney and I never would have known." 

"But..." she tried.

"But nothing. If anything happens to me, I want to make sure that you and the kids are taken care of." He squeezed her hand. "I trust you."

The frown that had marred her face slowly faded when she saw he was absolutely serious and eventually she smiled. "You’re sure?”

“Positive,” he told her. 

“Okay,” she replied with a relieved smile. 

Josh watched her for a moment, and in the back of his mind, something was telling him there was more going on than she was saying. “So now my next question is how did we get from my will and Sam being my beneficiary to you suddenly wanting to get married?”

His question seemed to catch her off guard, almost as if she wasn’t expecting it. “The thing with your will just got me to thinking and I realized I want to get married.” 

Now he knew there was more going on. “Just like that?”

“Yeah,” she said a little too carefully.

They needed to get this right and he had to know what she was thinking so he pushed her a little. “Donna, I feel like I’m still missing something. The last time we talked about this you weren’t ready and then I came home and suddenly you were on board with the idea. And I just don’t see how reading my will could have done it. What happened in between?"

She looked down at her leg and brushed at some non-existent piece of lint. “Nothing important. I just...I saw the papers and they started me thinking and I realized I want to get married.”

The fact she wasn’t looking at him, told him a lot. “Donna...” he coaxed. “”Did something else happen after Jake and I left? Besides reading the papers, I mean.”

“No...I mean not really.” She sighed. “Okay, fine. But it’s going to sound stupid.”

“Try me,” he challenged.

“I had a dream."

He frowned in confusion. “A dream?”

“Yeah, when I was asleep on the couch this afternoon.”

"A dream or a nightmare?" he asked. As someone who'd had his own share of nightmares, he hated the idea of her having one when he wasn't there.

"Well..." she hesitated. "I guess it was more a dream. I mean there weren't any monsters or rabid Republican's chasing me in it."

Although she was trying to laugh it off, he could tell it had bothered her. "But..." he prompted.

"It's just that..." She stared down at her lap. "It was really unsettling."

"What was it about?" he asked quietly.

Looking up, she stared at him for a moment. "It...I was..." she fumbled, then let out a breath. "Well, it's gotten a little hazy since this afternoon, but I was in your old apartment and it was empty except for me and Toby."

"Toby?" Josh said, surprised.

"Yeah, he kept telling me you were gone and that I was living in the past."

He frowned. "Living in the past?"

"Yeah, I didn't know what he was talking about. Then in the dream, I ran outside and saw you and the kids driving away without me."

Now he could understand a little bit more of why she'd been so frantic when he'd come back to the house. "And then you woke up and Jake and I weren't there."

She nodded. "I was really panicked at first. I didn't know where you were and my mind sort of ran away with me."

"I left you a note on the fridge."

"I know," she told him. "I found it and realized how silly I was being. See, I told you it would sound stupid."

“It doesn’t sound stupid,” he replied. “I’m just trying to understand. If you saw the note and knew where we were and that we were coming back, why were you still so upset when we got home?” 

She stared down at their clasped hands. “Because after I looked through all the stuff you left on the table, I realized that Toby was right and I have been living in the past.”

"I don't follow," he said, his frown deepening. "How can the mortgage, my will and the adoption papers make you think that?"

Her eyes were a little sad as she searched for her next words. Apparently needing to move, she stood up and went to the fireplace where she turned to face him. Since the fire was now at her back and it was the only light in the room, her face was in shadow and he couldn't read her expression.

"I've been...stuck on how things used to be and not on how they are or how they could be," she said quietly.

"What do you mean?"

“Please don’t be mad, but...ever since we’ve been together, I think part of me has been waiting for things to fall apart...”

He pushed himself off the couch and walked over to her. “Donna, that’s not really such a huge leap,” he tried to assure her. “Both our dating histories look like something out of Ripley’s Believe It or Not. But I’ve gotta say, despite our seven years of somewhat unconventional foreplay, my relationship with you is the first one to NOT follow a similar pattern so I can’t imagine things are going to fall apart.”

“That’s just it, Josh, you never think it’s going to happen, but I’m pretty sure part of me has been holding back because of some illogical idea that it’s inevitably going to happen.”

He was shocked to hear her say that. “You have? You think us breaking up is inevitable?” he asked trying not to overreact and get angry as she’d predicted.

“Yes, I think part of me does.”

“I know I can be an asshole, Donna, but have I done something to make you think...”

“No, Josh!” she told him. “It’s me and when I say it’s me, I mean it’s me, not it’s me but it’s really you.” 

“Okay, Donna, you’re starting to lose me here.”

She let out a breath. “It just occurred to me this afternoon that in the last few months you’ve done all this changing…for the better....with the kids and even letting me work in a different job, and all I’ve done is manage to be…scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“Of a lot of things,” she said evasively.

“Donna, you’re gonna have to give me more than that.”

The answer seemed to explode out of her. “Of falling on my face at work, of not being a good mother...aunt or whatever to the kids.” Her voice got very quiet and he could hear tears when she spoke. “But most of all that you’re going to find someone else. That one day you’ll wake-up and realize that I’m not right for you or well-educated enough or enough of a power player like Mandy or Amy or even Joey Lucas.”

“It’s not going to happen, Donna,” he said with a gentle smile as he laid his hands on her arms. “You’re the one that I want.” Although she was a little stiff and resistant at first, he managed to pull her into his arms. “The one I have wanted for seven years and just couldn’t show it...or more accurately was too stupid to show it.” 

“You’re everything I’ve ever wanted too, Josh, you have to know that,” she whispered a bit wetly as her arms went around him and she held onto him like a lifeline. “I don't want you to think that I want us to fail or that I want to leave you or you to leave me. I just think my own self-doubt and lack of self-confidence is screwing with my head and that’s why I was so hesitant to say yes when you asked me to marry you.” 

Josh pulled back to look at her. Although there were moments he knew she struggled with self-esteem issues, he didn’t realize they ran so deep. 

He laid a gentle hand on her cheek. "I don't understand how you can see yourself as anything but amazing. When I look at you, I see this sparkling, intelligent, funny, beautiful woman." 

He paused and a sinking feeling began to take up residence in the pit of his stomach. He remembered what he’d said to her once about her need to be coupled up forever drowning out any small sense of self or self-worth she might have. 

"Wait...it's not my fault is it? It's not because of some of the stupid things I’ve said to you over the years, is it? I mean, I know that my mouth has run away with me on more than one occasion...”

“No, Josh,” she interrupted with a sigh. “I wish you’d stop trying to pin the blame for my short comings on you.”

“Then what is it, Donna? I don’t understand where this is coming from,” he said, a little frustration creeping into his voice. “You juggle work and things here at home and you make it look effortless. There was a time when congressmen and heads of state, hell even the president, knew they had to go through you to talk to me. Okay, maybe not the president since he gets to talk to anyone he pleases...including, I might add, you, who he talks to on a regular basis, but you know what I mean."

"But that's about you, Josh,” she argued. “It says more about how important you are than how important I am. I was just in the right place at the right time...or at least I was when I was your assistant."

Josh shook his head. "No, you're wrong. Not just anyone can do what you do, then and now and do it so well. Both at work and here at home."

She stared at him for a long moment and he couldn't tell if he was getting through to her or not. But when she finally spoke, her words took him off guard.

"Josh, did I ever tell you why I left David?”

“David? David who?” He hadn’t heard of this gomer before.

“My boyfriend in college.”

Then he realized. It wasn’t another gomer, it was the SAME gomer. The gomer poster boy.

“What? You mean Dr. Freeride?!” Josh guessed. "What has he got to do with all this?"

"He has a name, Josh,” she chided. “Although admittedly, I don't like to invoke it if I don't have to." 

"You said you left him because the dumb kiss stopped for a beer on the way to pick you up at the hospital after you got in the car accident." 

And for that reason alone, Josh would have happily turned the IRS and the FBI loose on his ass if Donna hadn’t already made him promise he wouldn’t. 

"No, that was the second time I left him," she said quietly. “I’m talking about the first time.”

That brought him up short. He tried to remember if she’d ever said much about the first time. “No, now that you mention it, I don’t think you did tell me about the first time. I guess I thought...when you showed up at the campaign office in New Hampshire I assumed that he'd broken up with you.”

“Yeah, I know you did, but truth is I really did break it off with him and not the other way around.” A note of sadness crept into her eyes. “Although I imagine he would have dumped me eventually, probably about the time he was ready to graduate from medical school.”

He could sense that her words were coming from some unresolved well of pain in her past and even though he didn’t know how it was connected to them getting married, he thought maybe they were finally getting to what was really bothering her.

“So why did you leave him?”

Donna opened her mouth like she was going to speak and then closed it again.

“Donna?” he prompted.

“You know what, it doesn’t matter,” she said quickly. “I left him because he was a jerk. End of story.”

“It doesn’t sound like it,” he replied. “It sounds like there’s a War and Peace sized story you’re not telling me.”

“Why can’t you just accept the fact that I changed my mind and want to get married now?”

He studied her for a moment. “I can accept the fact that you changed your mind and you want get married now,” he said. “But what I can’t accept is the fact that whatever happened between with you and Freeride doesn’t matter...'cause it sounds like it matters a lot to you.”

“No, you're wrong. It doesn’t matter,” she argued. “It was a long time ago.”

“If it didn’t matter you wouldn’t have brought it up.”

“Yeah, well, believe me, I’m regretting that right about now,” she muttered.

“Donna, we’re not communicating. I thought we were supposed to do more of that,” he said. “Why don’t you want to tell me about what happened with Freeride?”

“Because it’s humiliating!” she said. 

“Donna, you’re talking to the man who went in front of the White House Press Corps and somehow managed to concoct a non-existent secret plan to fight inflation,” he reminded her. “And that’s one of the better bone-headed things I’ve done, whatever happened with you and Freeride, it can’t be that bad.”

“It is that bad if it makes you think I’m pathetic!” she blurted.

He blinked in surprise. “You’re worried I’m going to think you’re pathetic?” he said incredulously. 

She fidgeted uncomfortably. “Yes.”

He sighed. “It’s not going to happen, Donna. I’ll admit, there have been times, when I thought you haven’t made the best choices about men, but then again I haven’t made the best choices about women either. Not until I met you anyway,” he added honestly, trying to reassure her. 

She looked up at the ceiling and he realized she was trying not to cry. “I was so stupid.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because it’s true.” 

He hated that she thought that about herself. “Come on, Donna, you know it’s not. You’re one of the least stupid people I know.”

“Well, what would you call it? I worked two wage slave jobs to support him. I helped him study. I kept his apartment. Ran his errands. Oh, and the one you’ll like, I gave him sex whenever he wanted it,” she gave a brittle little laugh. “Sounds pretty stupid to me.”

He hated the next words even as they were coming out of his mouth. “Actually it sounds like you loved him,” Josh told her quietly. In a perfect world, he would be the only one she ever loved.

His observation seemed to surprise her. “At the time, I thought I did,” she answered. 

“And now?” he couldn’t help but ask.

She stared at him. “If you’re asking if I still love, him, no. I don’t think I ever did. I suppose I was in love with the idea of being in love.” Her gaze didn’t waver from his as she continued. “Loving you has taught me that loving someone is give and take. With him I did all the giving and he did all the taking.”

Her words eased something inside him. “So why did you break up with him the first time?” he asked.

As if resigned to the fact that she’d have to give him the gory details, she turned and looked into the fire.

“It’s not a huge mystery,” she began. “Things were going well for him in medical school and I’d been taking care of him for so long that I was getting a little restless for my own life to start. I told him that I wanted to start going back to school, at least part time or to take a couple of classes.” 

“Sounds reasonable.”

She let out a shaky little sigh. “Well, he didn’t seem to think so. When he stopped laughing and realized I was serious, we ended up getting in a huge fight about it. When I accused him of taking advantage of me and not caring about what I wanted, he started yelling about how he was doing something important by being a doctor and he didn’t have time to listen to me whine and bitch about my insignificant problems.”

“Asshole...” Josh muttered.

Her words continued to tumble out in a rush. “Then, he said that no matter how much schooling I had or how many classes I took I would always be a small town girl with a small town life. He said that all my dreams of doing something important with my own life were stupid and I should save myself the disappointment and just accept the fact that my talents were better suited to being the little woman and popping out a couple of kids. Then he said he needed some air and he wanted me to do some serious thinking while he was gone. His parting words to me as he walked out were that he expected his dinner on the table when he got back.”

His heart aching for her, Josh took a step toward her. “Donna...”

Her voice continued as if she hadn’t heard him. “After he walked out, I stood there and thought about what he said and I realized that in his own way, he was absolutely right. If I stayed with him or someone like him, the person I was would never be more than that small town girl with her life on hold.” She let out a breath. “And I wanted more than that.” 

“I’m glad you did,” Josh told her. “You deserved more than the scraps he was giving you.”

She walked over and dropped back down on the sofa. “As it turned out, packing wasn’t really that hard. There wasn’t much to pack. Some clothes and toiletries, a couple knickknacks, a few pictures. I discovered there was really very little of me in the apartment.” 

“It took a lot of courage to leave him, Donna,” he said leaning against the wall next to the fireplace to watch her. 

She shrugged. “I didn’t feel brave. I felt stupid.”

“It was probably the smartest thing you’ve ever done,” he told her. “You know that, right?” he asked.

“It’s just that...” she tried to explain without actually answering his question. “Don’t you see, Josh? It wasn’t just that I’d put school on hold or that I’d supported him. But what I’d done is let myself become his appendage. The funny thing is that I don’t think I was even so upset about how he’d treated me. What really bothered me was how I’d treated myself.” As if collecting herself, she paused for a moment. “It’s a hard truth to know that you can’t trust your own judgment.”

Coming over to sit down next to her, he laid his hand on her shoulder. “You’re wrong, you know. You can trust your judgment. It told you when it was time to leave and you did it.”

“Well, it sure didn’t feel like that at the time,” she told him.

Despite his curiosity, he was careful to keep his voice neutral when he asked his next question. “Why did you leave the campaign to go back to him after he treated you like such a rat bastard?” 

“It doesn’t matter,” she said after a long pause.

“It does to me,” he said. “I’d like to know.”

As usual, his first instinct was to push and pressure like he was steamrolling a wayward member of Congress, but with Donna he was learning to wait through her silences and eventually it would pay off.

Idly, she toyed with her thumbnail. “The reason I went back to him had more to do with you than it did with him,” she said a little cryptically.

“With me?” he said completely confused. “What the hell does that mean?” 

He knew he could be a pompous jerk sometimes but had he really be so bad in those early days that he’d driven her away? So bad that he’d driven her back into Freeride’s arms?

“It means that I was falling for you even during the campaign. But you were my boss and I was your assistant and you were with Mandy back then...mostly...and I knew it was impossible and despite the fact that I was doing something important, it hurt to work with you every day and know that I could never do anything about it.”

He couldn’t argue with what she was saying. It had been hard for him too. He’d apparently just been better at living in denial about it back then.

“Yeah, I’m sorry things weren’t right for us back then.”

She let out a sigh. “It didn’t help that David had been calling me and he’d been lobbying hard with my parents to talk me into giving him a second chance. He said he was sorry, that it would be different, and he didn’t mind me going back to school part time if that’s what I wanted.”

“Did your parents pressure you into going back to him?"

"No...I...no, it wasn't them. It was me. I didn't really want to go, I enjoyed working on the campaign, but..."

“But what?” he pressed. "What made you go?" 

Donna looked at him for a long moment. “Do you remember when I left?" she began.

"Yeah, we were doing a swing through...Chicago I think," he said.

She nodded. "Well, you and I were working late in your hotel room. You’d broken up with Mandy, again, and I don’t think either of us had slept more than an hour or two in the last couple of days. We both fell asleep on the floor of your room in the middle of piles of opposition research," she told him.

"Right, and when I woke up you were gone,” he remembered. “When I asked Margaret where you were later, she gave me your note saying you were leaving."

"What you don't know is that when I woke up earlier that morning we were all tangled up together. It felt amazing...and terrifying. You were still dead to the world and I just laid there and watched you. I wanted to kiss you so badly, but I was sure you’d think I was being ridiculous and you'd probably be mad that your new assistant was throwing herself at you.”

Given the fact that he was pretty sure he’d feelings for her even back then, he wondered just what would have happened if she had kissed him.

“I wouldn’t have thought you were ridiculous,” he said quietly. “But I’m guessing that I would have said some asshole thing like I had to focus on the campaign and that I couldn’t afford to have a campaign fling with you.”

She let out a breath. “Thanks for being honest about that and not just telling me what you thought I wanted to hear,” she replied.

"So that's why you left? The idea of you and me scared you?"

“It was more than that. I didn’t want to do anything to hurt the governor’s chances by distracting anyone from the campaign or raising some scandal about you and me and I really didn’t want to do anything that you’d come to resent me for. So I untangled myself from you, got in my car and went back to Wisconsin.”

“When I got your note, I couldn’t believe you were gone,” Josh told her softly.

That hung in the air between them for a long moment before she spoke again. "The minute I saw David again, I knew it wasn’t going to work. I was different and he was the same. I tried to make it work, tried to tell myself that I just needed some time to get used to it. I didn’t think I had a lot of options left by then. So I got a job waiting tables and tried to pretend that it was all for the best.” She laughed a little. “I was apparently pretty good at it too because David asked me to marry him.”

Josh felt like something had jabbed him in chest. “He did? I had no idea.”

“Yeah, but I think it was more out of desperation. I guess he thought marrying me or at least promising to marry me would be enough to keep me on the leash,” she said quietly. “It was all I could do not to laugh when he asked me. I didn't hesitate to turn him down flat.” 

“So was his proposal what made you come back to the campaign?” 

“Oddly enough, I think it was actually the car accident I had.”

Josh cocked his head slightly. “How so?”

“It was kind of a wake up call for me. If I’d swerved the other way, I’d probably have been killed or at least really badly hurt and I’d never have done anything with my life. It made me realized that I couldn’t keep pretending forever. I had to stop running away from my life and from what I felt for you," she said. "David stopping on the way to the hospital didn't even upset me that much. It only confirmed that I was doing the right thing.”

“And the right thing was coming back to the campaign?” he guessed.

“And you,” she said. “While I sat on the gurney in the emergency room, I knew that the first thing I had to do was go back and see if I could salvage anything with you and the campaign. Even if it was just working for you and nothing more. On the way back to New Hampshire, I decided that no matter how hard it was or how much it hurt, if you'd take me back, I was going to just deal with it and be glad that you were even speaking to me...and I hoped we could at least be friends."

He toyed with her sleeve absently. "I can't tell you how happy I was to see you.”

"I figured that you’d make fun of me or give me crap or even chew me out in front of everyone and throw me out on my ear," she said. "But as usual, you surprised me and took me back without a word."

"I was a mess during the time you were gone,” he admitted. “I snapped at everyone, went through two other volunteer assistants, almost made Margaret quit...which of course meant Leo wanted to kill me, and I couldn't find anything.” He sighed. “But most of all I just missed...you."

"I missed you too," she answered softly.

Both of them were quiet as they considered what had brought them together, not once but twice. Josh finally opened his mouth to speak but she beat him to it.

“So that’s the whole gory little story of me and David. Do you see now why I didn’t want to tell you? It makes me look pretty needy and pathetic.”

He was quiet for a very long moment as he mulled that over. “No, it doesn’t and that’s not how I see you,” Josh said. “Donna, you’re the type of person that leads with her heart. There’s nothing wrong with that, you just needed to find the right person to appreciate it.” 

“I already have. I found him seven years ago,” she said softly. “But when you first asked me to marry you, I think the idea stirred up all those old feelings of doubt in myself and my judgment and it was a hard for me to realize it.”

Something clicked into place for Josh. “So was what happened with Freeride, the reason you thought I was asking you to marry me? You thought I was doing it because I wanted you to stay or because I needed a mother for the kids?”

She was staring down at her hands again. “Well, I was being honest when I said I thought we needed to be together as a couple before we jumped right into marriage, but yeah, I suppose the thing with David played a part too. Although I didn’t realize it at the time.”

He frowned a little. “But you know now that wasn’t the reason I asked you to marry me, right?”

“Actually I knew it then. I believed you when you said that wasn’t why you asked me,” she told him. “But today, after having that dream and seeing from all papers you’d left just how much you’d changed and how much you were doing to move us forward, it really brought home to me that I haven’t been willing to do the same.”

“I think you’re being a little hard on yourself,” he told her quietly. “You’ve had to change too. You’ve taken both the kids under your wing and you’ve taken on a lot with the new job and that can be scary. And hey, you’ve voluntarily agreed to take me on. You deserve some kind of a medal for that.”

Looking at him now, she couldn’t help but smile. “Well, that’s true.”

“’Cause you know that I’m not always the easiest guy to live with either,” he pointed out. "I mean, we’ve already discussed the fact that I take advantage of you too," Josh said guiltily.

“I would never compare you with him, Josh. I’d never compare you to anyone," she said quietly. "You're not him and the situation is not the same.” Leaning forward a little, she laid a cool hand on his cheek. “Neither of us is perfect, Josh, but we are in this together. Now more than ever. When I was scared to take over the new job, you encouraged me even though I know it was hard for you. Then there’s the fact that you’ve been asking me what I want and that means the world to me. Yes, I’ll admit there were times that you’ve taken advantage of me and part of that was because I was your assistant...”

“Yeah, but a bigger part of it was that I needed you,” he interrupted.

She nodded in understanding. “But the fact that you've been so concerned about it and you talked to me about it and we moved past it is something that makes us head and shoulders above what I’ve ever had with anyone else. And even in our darkest moments, you've never made me feel unimportant or like an appendage."

“Well, if I ever do, you have my permission to beat me over the head with a blunt object,” he told her.

“So noted,” she said with a little grin the slowly turned serious. “I think the biggest thing I realized today is that I’M not the same person I was back then either and because of it, I’m ready for a change.”

His breath caught in his chest for a moment. "What do you mean?" he asked carefully. "What change?"

She gave him a bemused smile. "You know, Josh, for a Fulbright Scholar, you can be a little slow on the uptake sometimes. I'm talking about getting married. The change I want to make is to get married. You know, the thing we’ve been talking about for the last hour." When he just stared at her, the smile turned into a grin. "You do realize I mean married to you, right?" 

The message finally got to his brain and relief flooded through him. "Yes, funny girl," he grinned back at her. Then he sobered. "Are you sure you don't want to wait? I don't want you to do anything if you're not ready."

"I'm sure,” she said firmly. “I'm a little scared, but I'm ready."

He had to make sure this was what she wanted. “If you’re still scared, how can you be sure?”

“Because even if I don’t always trust myself, I trust you and I trust this thing we have between us.”

Her words warmed something deep inside him and he could see in her eyes that she meant what she said.

“So just to recap...you’ll marry me?” he asked holding his breath as he waited for her final and definitive answer.

**********  
Chapter 37 – NC-17

Donna put her arms around his neck. “Yes, Joshua Lyman, I’ll marry you."

"And you’re not going to get cold feet and back out on me in a couple of days?"

"Nope. There's no going back now. I've got you right where I want you," she said. "Your wooing worked."

He frowned in confusion. "My ‘wooing’?" 

"Remember when we were at the Hay Adams and you said you knew how to get me to marry you? You said you were going to woo me."

"And as I recall, you said you didn’t want me to because I wasn’t very good at it," he pointed out.

"Yeah, but I figured you wouldn't listen to me," she continued to smile. 

He grinned widely and his dimples came out in full force. "Well, to be honest I haven’t been trying that hard...at least not yet. I was going to try and give you some space before I brought out the big wooing guns."

Her expression soft, she trailed her fingers along his temple and into his hair. "Josh, everything you do for me and the kids is wooing. At least it is to me. It shows us just how much you love us and are committed to making us a family and there’s nothing sexier than that."

Reveling in the feeling of her fingers running through his hair, he had a little trouble focusing. "See...I told you...I uh, could woo."

Her mouth moved toward his. "I'll never doubt your wooing abilities again," she whispered, her mouth only a hairsbreadth away from his.

Any reply he might make was squashed when her lips touched his. Now that the air had been cleared and they were officially engaged, there was a touch of newness to the kiss. A promise of things to come.

Josh had no idea how long they stood in front of the fire, just kissing and touching. As his lips moved down the smooth column of her throat, he smiled and let out a sound almost like a purr. 

"You know it occurs to me..." he began between kisses. "...that we haven't made use of my...best wooing gun to inaugurate our first night in the new house yet."

"Mmmm," Donna said with a little moaning sigh. "Well, it would be...a shame to let your best...and biggest...wooing gun sit idle."

"I guess we should...go upstairs then," he suggested almost absently as neither of them made a move to go anywhere. 

"Yeah, we should..." Donna agreed as her hands burrowed under the flannel shirt and t-shirt he was wearing and ran up along his back.. "Or we could...just do our inaugurating...here on the new couch."

Capturing her mouth with his again, he followed her lead and moved his hand under her sweatshirt to tease her breast through the soft fabric of her bra. "I love...the way you think."

Without breaking contact, they drifted over to the couch and sat down heavily. Although Josh didn't have much blood going to his brain by then, he suddenly had an idea. 

"What's wrong?" Donna said with a frown when he broke the kiss.

Still breathing heavily, the sight of her very kissable mouth swollen from his kisses and her sweatshirt askew from his hands sliding under it, almost made Josh forget why he stopped, but somehow he managed to pull it together.

"Hold that thought," he told her with a smirk. In his excitement, he vaulted over the back of the sofa and headed out of the room.

"Josh where are you going?" she called after him with a laugh.

He paused in the doorway. "I'll be right back, don't move," he said with a grin before disappearing out into the hall.

Trying not to make too much racket, Josh ran upstairs. After checking on both the kids to make sure they were still asleep, he ran into the master bedroom and dug through his backpack to find the item he'd stashed there weeks ago. Since a lot of their clothes and things were still in disarray from the move, he was glad he hadn't packed it.

Gripping it tightly in his hand, he ran back downstairs to the living room. "You moved," he complained.

Donna turned away from the window where she was pulling the curtains closed. "I thought you'd like to avoid giving the neighbors a show," she told him. "I'm just glad I put the curtains up in here today."

"That’s my Donna, always thinking ahead," he agreed as he pulled the living room pocket doors closed and latched them so the kids couldn't walk in on them by accident. "The kids are still asleep by the way."

"Glad to hear it. After all I wouldn't want us to have any...interruptions," she said in a low voice as she walked back to the couch, sat down and patted the seat next to her. "Now, where were we?"

"Hmm, I think I have some idea," he said as he dropped down next to her. "But before we pick up where we left off, there's something I want to give you."

"Oh? What's that?" she said, clearly not expecting what he had in mind.

He looked at her, his expression soft and earnest. "I never told you this but the night at Christmas when we had that fight and you left, I'd planned to ask you to marry me."

"You did?" she said in surprise. "I know you said you were going to tell me that night how you felt, but I didn't think marriage had entered your mind before we were together at the Hay Adams."

"Well, part of how I felt was that I wanted us to get married...if you had feelings for me, that is," he said. "We'd waited so long, I didn't want to us to waste any more time."

"Oh, Josh," she said obviously immensely touched.

"And since no decent proposal would have been complete without it, I even got a ring."

"A ring...?" she said a little breathlessly as she pressed a hand to her chest.

"Yeah, I had it with me at the Hay Adams, but well, things didn't go quite like I'd planned with that proposal either so I didn't get a chance to use it."

Donna was staring at him, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears and her love for him.

"But since you've officially accepted my proposal now, I thought it was finally time to put it to use."

Without another word, he held the box out and opened it the lid. The stunning three stone diamond engagement ring with a simple platinum band sparkled elegantly in the firelight.

"I hope you like it," he said. "I had it sized from one of your other rings, but if you want something different we can..."

She laid her hand over his mouth. "It's beautiful," Donna whispered. "I don't want anything else."

Josh pulled it out of the velvet box and taking her hand away from his mouth, slid it on her finger. It fit perfectly. Donna stared down at her hand for a moment, wonder clearly written on her face. Then she put her arms around his neck and pulled him close. 

"Thank you, Josh. I love it," she said softly with happy tears in her voice. When she pulled back, she kissed him long and deep. Eventually needing oxygen, they surfaced a few minutes later.

"Good, because I have this rather interesting fantasy in my head of you wearing it..." He kissed her hand. "...and nothing else."

She smiled in a way that was both seductive and a little shy. "Well, I wouldn't want to disappoint you..." Reaching down, she grabbed the hem of her sweatshirt and pulled it off. When she reached for the clasp on her bra, he stopped her.

"Hey, you're depriving me of one of the best parts," he complained. "Let me do it."

With a smile, she dropped her hands and waited for him. His hands caressed the newly exposed skin, toying with her bra straps and eventually drawing them down off her shoulders. Leaning forward, he kissed the bare skin along her collarbone. As he did, he reached behind her, unfastened her bra and slid it off. Then his fingers moved to her hair, undid the messy bun she'd put it in earlier and had it falling down over her shoulders like a soft, golden waterfall.

"Lie back," he whispered.

Slowly, she did as he asked, and he lifted her hands above her head so they were resting on the arm of the sofa. Standing up, he lifted her legs up onto the sofa, so she was comfortably stretched out. Luckily, the seats on the sofa she'd picked out were deep, so he could sit on the edge next to her. He gently unbuttoned her jeans and lowered the zipper. Peeling back the two sides of the material, he placed leisurely, small, open-mouth kisses along her belly and down to her abdomen where her silky white panties covered her. The scent of her perfume and growing arousal wafted up from her skin and seeped into his senses.

"Lift your hips," he instructed softly.

As she complied, he pulled her jeans past her hips and slowly down her legs. He couldn't help but notice how her movements caused her breasts, with their stiff aroused tips, to jut out even more enticingly than usual. Taking a steadying breath, it was all he could to do to keep from pouncing on her. During his trip upstairs, he'd made plans on how he was going to do this and he wanted to take it slow and show her without words how beautiful and amazing she was.

He sat down next to her again and leaned in to kiss her. Her mouth opened to his and he sucked lightly on her bottom lip before he dipped his tongue inside. As his tongue flirted with hers, he tasted the spicy marinara sauce she'd had for dinner and the flavor that was uniquely Donna. Continuing to kiss her, he lifted his hands above her head to link briefly with hers.

Donna pouted slightly when he pulled his mouth away from hers. "You're wearing too many clothes."

“All in good time,” he told her.

His hands began a slow journey down her body, learning and re-learning the texture of her skin in as many places as possible. His fingers traced and teased her breasts making her squirm slightly. But the squirm turned to a gasp as he leaned in and pulled each of the rosy, stiff peaks into the warm confines of his mouth and bathed each with his tongue.

“Josh...” she half pleaded.

“Hmmmmm?” he said with his lips wrapped around one of the tips and making her squeak from the vibration on the sensitive peak. 

“No fair,” she pouted as his mouth and his hands moved on to her belly.

As before, he placed small kisses along her belly and down to the edge of her underwear. His hands slid under the edge of the waistband to tease the skin below, but he didn’t go any further.

“I’m wishing now that I’d put on some sexier underwear,” she said with just a hint of nervousness.

“It doesn’t matter to me what underwear you have on...” he said as he kissed her left hipbone before moving on to the right one. “...it’s what’s in the underwear that I find sexy.”

Like a mating call, he saw his words send a flash of heat flaring in her eyes, and once again, he had to keep himself in check--no easy feat, give the primal, almost visceral effect on him. How he’d gone for so long without being with her like this he’d never understand.

His mouth moved down to the widening damp spot on her panties. Inhaling the heady scent of her, his teeth lightly grazed the spot making her inhale sharply and she lifted her hips toward him slightly in anticipation of what he was going to do next. However, he had a surprise for her again. 

“All in good time,” he repeated for an entirely different reason as he kept his hands on her waist to hold her in place and brushed his lips over her cloth covered center for a final time. Her pout returned as he moved down her thighs without even trying to remove her panties or stimulate her any further.

“If you’re trying to make me crazy, it’s working,” she murmured softly.

“All part of my master plan,” he teased with a smirk.

His hands moved down her legs and his thumbs slid over the sensitive flesh on her inner thighs as a teasing promise of things to come. Almost instinctively, Donna’s legs opened slightly at his touch to give him more access. But, much to her disappointment, he kept moving lower and again, he didn’t take advantage of her reaction.

“Josh...” she whined softly. 

He paused, his eyes locking with hers as he placed a light kiss on the inside of her right knee.

“Let me do this, Donna,” he said softly as he continued to place small kisses on the inside of her leg. “Let me love you.”

She watched him for a moment, the feeling between them incredibly intimate. Then she visibly swallowed a lump in her throat and her eyes shimmered briefly with an extra brightness. Knowing that he was going to draw things out, arouse and relax her at the same time. Under his hands, he could feel the tension of expectation in her body drain away until she pliant and patient, ready for whatever he had planned. 

He recognized that her compliance took a certain level of trust and he was immensely touched and gratified by it. He also intended to make it absolutely worth her while.

“Thank you,” he whispered almost reverently as he kissed her knee.

Standing up, he lifted her feet and sat down under them at the end of the couch. Next, he removed the only other article of clothing she was wearing besides her panties. The thick socks she'd put on to warm her feet after they'd come inside that afternoon. In no hurry whatsoever, he took each of her feet in his hands and gave each of them a slow, thorough massage and placed a lingering kiss on the arch of each foot. Some of the sounds she made as he worked on her feet were almost the same as when they actually made love, which he found terribly erotic. The fact that she watched him with eyes that were heavy with lazy heat and desire didn't hurt either.

When the foot massage was done, he began moving slowly back up her body again. As she watched him in mild curiosity, her hand toyed idly with a lock of her hair that was splayed across the cushioned arm rest. He found the image she presented very endearing. 

Tenderly kissing and touching her skin as he went, Josh made his way up the outside of her left leg, across her abdomen and down the outside of her right. Then kneeling by her feet, he lifted each one of them so her ankles were resting on his shoulders. Slowly, he explored the inside of both her legs with kisses and light nips of his teeth on her sensitive flesh. As he rose higher and higher, he felt her body begin to tremble and her breath quicken.

Once again his mouth was hovering over her center with only her thin, silky panties between them. Brushing his mouth over her again, he noted that wet spot was even more pronounced. Not moving from where he was, he looked up at her. 

"Is that for me, Donna?" he asked her huskily before pressing a soft kiss against the fabric. "Do I make you wet?"

"Yes...God yes, Josh," she said her breath shaky with desire. 

With a smile, he pressed another kiss to the material. "Good, I like to make you wet."

Ready to move things along now and put her out of her misery, at least for the moment, he slid his mouth higher until it was hovering over the waistband. Grazing his lips lightly over the skin just above it, he opened his mouth and captured the elastic lace between his teeth.

With inexorable slowness, he began to pull her panties down using only his teeth. Clearly enthralled by what he was doing, Donna’s breath caught.

“God, Josh,” she said as she automatically lifted her hips and shifted her legs to help him take them off.

By the time he got them down to her knees, he used his hands to slowly draw them the rest of the way off. The scrap of fabric joined the rest of her clothes as he tossed it over his shoulder in vaguely the same direction.

Sliding her legs higher until the backs of her knees were resting over each of his shoulders, he settled himself between her thighs. Her dark blonde curls were coated with the same wetness he’d seen on her underwear. Taking a moment to appreciate what lay before him, his mouth and nose took turns lightly grazing the outer layers of her sensitized flesh. 

"Please," she pleaded just above a whisper.

Her pleading whispers and the musky, heady scent of her filling his nostrils only served to make him more aroused and even harder than he had been already. He could have continued to tease and enflame her, but honestly, at that moment, he wanted nothing else but to taste her. 

Sliding his hands under her, he tilted her hips up slightly and holding her in the perfect position, gave her what they both wanted. His mouth on the most intimate and sensitive part of her body.

Done teasing her now, his mouth descended on her clit demanding the response he knew had been building in her. Almost as if the sensation were too much to process, her body jerked hard at the first touch of his lips. One of her hands found its way to the top of his head. He loved the feeling of her fingers moving almost reflexively in his hair.

She was already so aroused that it wasn't long before she was whimpering and mindlessly begging him not to stop. When he made his tongue into a hard point and flicked it quickly across her clit, she cried out his name as she came in a hard, powerful rush.

But driving her to the first peak wasn't enough, he wanted her overwhelmed with pleasure. Unable to feel or think about anything but what he was doing to her. Even as her orgasm began to ebb, he renewed his assault on her clit.

She drew a quick, harsh breath. "Josh...what...?" A gleam came into her eyes as she appeared to figure out his intentions. "I don’t think...I can't...” she protested weakly. "...it’s too soon."

Deciding to prove her wrong, he ignored her. Instead, he drove her, devouring her like the finest appetizer, nibbling her like the richest pastry, sipping her like the most amazing wine. By the time he slid one, then two fingers inside her and began to stroke her intimately, she was writhing under him.

“Josh!" She hissed. "It's...too much," she cried even as she pushed her body against his mouth and her heels dug into his back. "Oh, God...Josh..."

The taste and smell of her coated him like a blanket, soaked into his senses, and he knew both of those aspects of her would be forever burned into his memory. 

Although he stayed focused on the task at hand, his eyes flashed up to watch her and it was almost his undoing. She looked...unbearably beautiful. Her head was thrown back and thrashing back and forth on the cushion causing her hair to spread all around her like golden silk. One of her hands was fisted in the arm rest, and the other had abandoned his head to grip the couch cushion beside her. 

And the most amazing image was her eyes. Even though they were half closed, she still managed to watch him. The depth of her desire and the overwhelming pleasure he was bringing her were almost searing in their intensity as they gleamed out at him from the blue depths like a beacon.

The sound of her breathing filled the room. It became fast and hard, but the tone was low and throaty and he knew she was close. The combination of his name, Gods and yeses fell from her mouth in an intertwined looping soundtrack of pleasure. Finally, he closed his teeth around her clit and she was coming for the second time. From the way her body jerked under his hands and mouth, he knew it was all she could do not to scream.

Rather than screaming, he saw her bite her lip...hard. Usually he didn't like it when she did that because he liked to hear her, liked to hear the sound of the pleasure raging through her, but given they weren't in the newly sound-dampened bedroom and the kids were upstairs, he wasn't going to nitpick.

She was so responsive to him, he could read her body like a book now. He knew the orgasm was raw and brutal as it ripped through her, the pleasure raking over her and tearing at her like a living thing trying to possess her. 

Gentling his touch on her body, he finally gave her a chance to recover. Her legs slid bonelessly from his shoulders, one foot falling to the floor with a dull thud and the other wedging itself between him and the couch. 

Lying there limply, Donna tried to get control of her breathing. As she did, he took a moment to drink in the sight of her. A slight sheen of sweat covered her and she looked warm and relaxed. One hand was thrown carelessly over her head and the other hand, the one wearing his ring, was resting on her stomach.

“And we’ve reached major fantasy fulfillment,” he said softly when she was quiet and still again. 

"That was amazing," she told him with a smile, her voice still low and husky. Then her expression turned soft and serious. "You know, you're the only one who’s ever...it's never been like that with anyone else."

"I'm glad," he replied, gently running his hand over her knee as she studied him thoughtfully. "Whattcha thinking there, Donnatella?"

Toying with a lock of her hair, Donna smiled at him like a woman well loved. "That as much as I like you doing that to my knee, you're too far away and wearing too many clothes."

“Well, I think I can remedy that easily enough,” he said starting to shed his clothes as she continued to watch him.

As he did, the only movement she made was her fingers drawing little random patterns over her stomach. The intensity of her gaze was like a physical caress as she studied him from the top of his head to his feet, with a distinct lingering on his groin. 

“So much for the too many clothes,” she said with a seductive smile. “Now, let’s see what you can do about the too far away part.”

Josh didn't need to be told twice, but he still didn't rush. Gently, he sat down next to her and she shifted onto her side so he could stretch out beside her on the couch. Once he was settled next to her and were facing each other, he laid his hand on her cheek. 

“How’s that?” he said with a little grin as he slipped his other arm around under her waist to pull her close. 

“Very nice,” she said, slipping her hand between them. 

The warmth of her hand trailed down his belly. Then he felt her fingers wrap smoothly around him and begin to move along his length taking him from mostly hard to almost painfully aroused.

“Very nice, indeed,” she chuckled as she continued her almost leisurely movements.

Josh sucked in a breath. “I’ll...second...um, that,” he said, trying to control his breathing. “But if you...keep doing that...this will be over...way...too soon.”

“Well, we can’t have that now, can we?”

Still holding him, she stopped moving her hand and instead rubbed her thumb over the tip of his cock to swipe at the wetness already gathering here. 

His hips jerked toward her in response. “Good God, Donna,” he groaned.

With a devilish little grin, she released him and sucked her dampened thumb into her mouth to taste him. Josh was still trying to process the image when she started running her leg along his. He wanted to say something, but didn't know what and Donna took the opportunity out of his hands when she closed the gap between them and kissed him.

Still laying on their sides, their mouths melded, giving and taking, tasting and teasing. His arms went around her and pulled her close so their bodies were touching from head to toe as they continued to kiss. His mouth moved from her mouth to her jaw and then down to her throat. Her body arched against his as he worked to kiss as much of her slender, glorious neck as he could.

They got even closer when Donna lifted her leg to drape it high over his hip and he felt the tip of his cock touch her slick heat.

He eased back to look at her. Her eyes were soft with desire and as she stared at him, he felt her foot pressing against his butt and he knew that she didn't want to change their position. Giving her what she wanted, his eyes locked with hers and he held tightly to her waist as he pressed his hips forward and slid slowly inside her.

When he was buried to the hilt, they were both still and quiet for a moment simply enjoying the connection of their bodies. Then he began to ever so slowly flex his hips so that he moved within her. Her eyes fluttered slightly in response to his movements and the pleasure it gave her. 

Donna began to match the slow thrust of his hips with the movements of her own, causing the heat and friction between them to grow. She captured his mouth with hers again and as the tempo of their kisses increased, it seemed to fuel the tempo of their bodies until they were almost frantic for each other. 

"Yes, Josh," she gasped as she broke out of the kiss. "So good..."

Luckily, Donna was the one pressed into the back couch cushions. It gave him the added leverage and stability he needed to thrust into her harder and harder. If their positions had been reversed, they probably would have been in danger of rolling off the couch.

"Donna..." he said riding on the edge of a mind blowing orgasm that was threatening to overwhelm him. "I need...I can't hold..."

He felt her body jerk as she started to fall over the edge and heard her breath start coming in little sobs. 

"Oh, God! Yes, Josh...now, NOW!" she cried out.

Her words and the pulsing of her body around him, shoved him over the edge and he drove hard into her twice more and emptied himself deep inside her.

Now spent and sweaty, both of them collapsed against each other and they lay there panting hard and fast. When they had both calmed a bit, he shifted them so Donna was lying mostly on top of him instead other way around and he tenderly kissed her forehead. 

"How you doing there, Donnatella?"

She smiled down at him. "I'm good." She kissed his lips softly and snuggled against him. "Still getting the feeling back in my body, but good."

He chuckled about that and then they were both quiet for a few minutes and he started stroking a hand over her back.

"Donna?"

"Hmmm?"

"What do you think about us getting married...this weekend?" he asked hoping he wasn't opening a can of worms he would regret.

"This weekend?"

"Yeah, we could drive to Virginia. They don't require blood tests or a waiting period."

Her hand ran almost absently over his chest and she was quiet for a long moment as she thought about it. "Actually, it's not a bad idea."

"It's not?" he said in surprise. That was not what he'd expected her to say. 

She lifted her head to look down at him. "I meant what I said, Josh. I want to marry you. Whether it's tomorrow or two years from now it doesn't make any difference to me. It's just a piece of paper. At the risk of being corny, after all we talked about tonight, I feel like I'm already married to you in my heart."

He smiled. "So we can make a run to Virginia tomorrow?"

"No," she answered with a little sigh.

He frowned in confusion. "Okay, am I missing something?"

She settled her head back down on his shoulder. "No, what I mean is we can't elope, Josh. If it were just you and me I'd be getting the car started so we could go find a Justice of the Peace, but it's not just us."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, for one, there's our parents. We'd never hear the end of it from your mom or my parents if we eloped."

He sighed. "Yeah, you have a point."

"And then there's the kids," she said. "I just told Hannah she could be our flower girl. She would be so upset if we just eloped and cheated her out of it. Besides, I think a regular ceremony would help give the kids an even greater sense of being part of our lives than they have now."

"Another fair point," he conceded.

"And then there's our friends. They'd all be pissed if we eloped," she said. "And then there's the president."

"The president?"

"Yeah, I'm guessing he and Mrs. Bartlet would like to be invited to the wedding even if they can't come" she pointed out. "And if we elope I foresee a lot of long meetings in the Oval for you where he gives you the complete history of matrimony and related ceremonies for various cultures."

"Oh, God, I hadn't thought of that," Josh said with a chill. "Donna, we definitely can't elope."

She chuckled. "Yeah, unfortunately."

He sighed deeply. "I just...I meant what I said about the fact that I didn't want to wait any longer than we have to."

"I know you did, I feel the same way," she agreed. "So how about this...we have a small ceremony in the next month or two that everyone can attend."

"I thought planning a wedding took longer than that. Can we do it that soon?"

"I'm the master of organization, remember? If it's small and we keep it simple, I think I can pull it together," she said. "That way everyone’s happy. They get to come to the wedding, we'll make sure the kids are part of the ceremony, and we won't have to wait very long."

He smiled. "I like it. Let's do it."

"Okay, since a lot of the unpacking is already done, I'll start working on everything tomorrow."

"Have I mentioned how amazing you are?" Josh asked her.

"Not today, but feel free to say it at regular intervals," she laughed. "Oh, speaking of amazing...Josh, that thing with taking my underwear off with your teeth..."

His ego was already inflating at the compliment he assumed was coming. "Yeah?"

"That was really hot."

He grinned. "You liked that, huh? I improvised."

"It was Porn Oscar worthy."

He chuckled against her shoulder. "Do they really have Porn Oscars?"

"They do," she told him. "They give them out every year at a ceremony in Las Vegas." 

"You sound like an authority," he said with amused curiosity. "You don't have a subscription to a porn trade magazine or something, do you?"

"No. Oh, wait, you mean I didn't I tell you that in college David talked me into making a porn movie as a way to raise money for medical school?" she asked. 

"What?!" he said with a rather unmanly shriek.

"Shhhhh!" she hissed. "You'll wake up the kids!"

"I don't care. I want you to explain about this porn movie so I know just how much I have to hurt Freeride."

"It was no big deal.” She shrugged. “In fact, I won an award for it. I got a statue and everything. I won for Best New Starlet," she said fluffing her hair dramatically.

Because she was laying partially on top of him, he sat up so abruptly he almost flipped her off the couch. "Please tell me you're kidding, Donna!"

If it was true, he was instantly torn between plotting how to slowly and painfully kill Freeride, worried that someone would find this little detail out and use it against them, angry that anyone else would get to see Donna like he did...as in 'au natural' and wondering where he could get a copy of the tape for a more private screening.

Hanging onto Josh's arm so he didn't pitch her off the couch, Donna snorted and started laughing. "God, you are SOOOO easy."

He was immensely relieved, but ever so slightly disappointed there was no tape. "I knew you were joking," he said weakly.

"Yeah, right," she said still chuckling. "You should have seen the look on your face."

He knew he didn't stand a chance of even pretending he hadn't believed her for at least a few seconds. "Well, you are porn worthy," he said with a smirk.

She raised an eyebrow at him and he knew he was on dangerous ground and should tread carefully.

"Okay, that sort of slipped out before I had a chance to think about how it was going to sound," he tried.

She only stared at him and waited for him to continue.

"What I meant was that while I don't want anyone else to see you like that, you are gorgeous and sexy and to me, you put any porn star to shame."

"Nice save," she said giving him a kiss.

"Hey," he said pulling back and grinning at her suggestively. "Maybe one of these days when the kids are somewhere else and it's just...you and me, we could make a tape of our own."

She gave him her best, 'yeah, that's gonna happen' look. "Well, if we did do that and we 'performed' the way we did tonight, we'd definitely win the best couples sex scene category."

"Okay, you know way too much about this subject. Just how did you get to be such an authority?"

Smacking him lightly on the back of the head, she rolled her eyes. "I'm sure not by any way that's going through your head right now." 

"There's nothing going through my head, I swear!” he protested.

Pushing him back down on the couch, she straddled him. "I read about it in Entertainment Weekly," she explained. "And I watched last year’s ceremony when they aired it on Showtime."

The feeling of her warm, moist center pressed against him made his cock sit up and take notice. Once again, it also made it difficult to remember what they'd been talking about. 

"They show that kind of thing...on TV?" he managed somehow.

She dragged a hand through her hair to pull the hair out of her face, but she only succeeded in making it look more tousled. A look that, given their present activities, he liked a hell of a lot. 

"Sure, it actually looks a lot like any awards show. They wear clothes and everything," she told him. "It's not like they get up on stage and have sex with the presenter in place of giving an acceptance speech." She chuckled. "Of course, they do show porn snippets and the categories are definitely not something you would see at the Emmy’s or the Oscar’s."

Josh couldn't help himself. "Care to give an example of these categories?"

Donna considered that. "Let's see, I don't remember all of them, but...some of the highlights were best sex comedy, best all-girl scene, best oral-themed feature, best amateur series, best anal-themed series, best Bi-sexual/gay video, best group sex scene, best three-way video..."

"Okay, I think this may fall under the ‘I’m sorry I asked’ category,” he snarked. 

She grinned down at him. "Well, you get the idea."

Sliding his hands over her bare ass, he smirked and felt himself getting hard again. He couldn't believe he was well on his way to being ready again so soon. Being with her was like mainlining Viagra.

"Yeah, I'm getting all kinds of ideas."

She pressed herself back against his hands, then shifted so his quickly hardening cock was pressing at her entrance. 

"So I guess you could say I inspired you," she teased with a sly smile.

Sliding a hand behind her neck, he pulled her in for a kiss and felt himself slowly slide inside her. 

"Always, Donnatella, always."

**********  
Chapter 38

"What do you think about that one?" Donna asked Hannah.

Hannah wrinkled her nose. "It's too...poofy. It looks like the whipped cream you put on my hot cocoa."

Donna laughed. "Yeah, that's what I was thinking too," she said as she flipped the page of the bridal magazine. 

It was almost lunchtime, and she and Hannah were in her office sitting behind her desk. They were looking through the second of three bridal magazines trying to find a wedding dress for Donna and a flower girl dress for Hannah. 

"I like that one," Hannah said pointing at the one on the next page. "It looks like something Barbie might wear."

Donna studied the picture. "Hmm, well, it is pretty," she told Hannah. 

What she didn't say to Hannah was that the dress wasn't the kind she was looking for. It had a train that trailed at least ten feet behind the dress. Donna wanted to keep the dress simple. While the dress on the page was gorgeous it was way too elaborate. But she wanted Hannah to feel like she was part of the planning process.

"Why don't you mark that one and we'll put it in the maybe column."

"Okay," Hannah said selecting a crayon from the box sitting on Donna's desk. With the utmost care, she slowly drew a big circle around the dress. "How's that?" she asked proudly.

"Perfect," Donna told her with a grin. "Now, can you tell me what color that crayon is?"

"Purple."

"And what letter does 'purple' start with?"

Chewing on her lip for a second, Hannah looked at the crayon. In preparation for Hannah starting kindergarten in the fall, Donna had been trying make sure she knew her colors, letters and basic numbers. As she suspected, Hannah was very smart.

Hannah thought about that. "P?"

"That's right," Donna said giving her a little hug. "Very good, Hannah!"

Letting out a happy little giggle, Hannah replaced the crayon in the box and flipped the magazine page. There were so many dresses it made Donna's head spin a little.

"Aunt Donna?" 

"Yes, Pixie?" Donna replied with a grimace as they flipped past the picture of a hideous lime green bridesmaids dress.

"When you and Unca Josh get married do I have to call you mommy and daddy?"

Donna blinked in shock at Hannah's left field question. She and Josh had never expected the kids to call them anything but Aunt Donna and Uncle Josh. 

"No, Hannah, of course not."

"But you and Unca Josh will be married just like my mommy and daddy were," she pointed out using typical five year old logic.

"Well, yes, we will be married like them, but that doesn't mean you and Jake have to call us mommy and daddy," Donna said. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

There was a little pause as Hannah fiddled with a couple of the crayons. "But what if I want to?"

Donna blinked again at Hannah's next surprising question. "Well, I..." She didn't know what to say and wished that Josh was there. "That's very..." She tucked a little strand of hair behind Hannah's ear. "I think you're about the sweetest little girl I've ever met, Pixie," she told Hannah with just the hint of tears.

Hannah must have heard the catch in her voice because she looked up at Donna. "What's wrong, Aunt Donna?"

Donna blinked back the threatening moisture. "Nothing, sweetie," she said with a sniff. "I tell you what, we can talk to Uncle Josh and Jake about the mom and dad thing and we'll see how they feel, okay?"

"Okay," Hannah said with simple, sweet innocence as she continued to turn the magazine pages. "What do you think of this one for my dress?" 

Taking a little steadying breath, Donna looked at the flower girl dress Hannah was pointing to. It was white and simple but had some nice touches that made it special.

"I think it's lovely. Definitely one to mark," she said with a calmer voice. Hannah happily marked it with a crayon, which she identified as blue and starting with a 'b' before she flipped the page.

And there it was.

The dress Donna had been looking for was staring up at her from the next page. It was simple and elegant. The white satin A-line gown fell smoothly to the floor with a tiny train. Actually, it was more a long skirt in the back than a train. Rather than being strapless like many of the gowns, it had a simple v-neck, but the shoulders and the long wide sleeves were made of a gossamer sheer fabric covered in rows of small seed pearls. 

"Oooo, I like that one," Hannah exclaimed before Donna could say anything.

"I like that one, too," Donna said a little breathlessly. It was the first dress she'd seen that she could actually picture herself in. She'd want to wear her hair up, but it was perfect.

"I'm going to mark it," Hannah said pulling out another crayon and drawing another circle around this dress. When she was done she looked up at Donna with a grin. "Oh, and this is green, which starts with a 'g'."

Donna grinned back at her. "Yes, it is, Miss Smarty Pants. Can I borrow it?" Hannah nodded and handed the crayon to Donna who used it to draw a star on the magazine page. "Now we really won't forget it." 

Before Hannah could say anything else, there was a knock on her office door. "Come in," Donna called.

Her office door opened to reveal Abbey Bartlet. "Donna?" she began.

Scooping Hannah up with her, Donna jumped to her feet. "Hello, ma'am."

"Oh, please don’t get up on my account," she smiled warmly. "Why Hannah, what a nice surprise. I didn't know you'd be here."

Hannah snuggled a little tighter against Donna who, despite Mrs. Bartlet's words, had remained standing. Hannah and Mrs. Bartlet had only met once before. So while Hannah didn't actually say anything, Donna took it as a victory that she seemed curious, rather than indifferent or withdrawn around the First Lady as she once would have.

"She and Jake only had a half day today so the teachers at their school could have an in service training this afternoon, ma'am," Donna explained.

"Oh, I see. Where's Jake?"

"He's over with Josh, ma'am. He got bored pretty fast once we started talking about wedding dresses," Donna told her.

"No surprise there." Abbey nodded with a smile. "It's still so hard to imagine Josh taking care of little kids."

"He's really very good with them, ma'am," Donna defended mildly. 

"So I've heard."

A little silence fell between them. Donna had no idea what had brought the First Lady to her office and while she liked and respected Abbey Bartlet immensely, her unexpected visit made Donna a little nervous. So as usual when she got nervous, she started to babble to fill the silence.

"I've been assigned to work with Josh to help him pull together background information for the Brussels trip next month, so Leo said that it would be all right if Jake and Hannah spent the afternoon here in the office with us. Otherwise, I'd have to take the afternoon off to look after them. We were just taking a few minutes to look at some bridal magazines."

After the work she did with Sam on the pardons and the State of the Union, Leo had assigned Donna to help Josh with the trade agreement. They'd both loved working so closely again and Josh had been careful to not fall back into the old habits they'd developed when she had been his assistant. Instead, he'd gone out of his way to treat her with the respect her new position carried.

Abbey gave her a kind smile. "You don't have to justify yourself to me, Donna. I wasn't checking up on you. I was just looking for my husband, but he's tied up with Leo and the Joint Chiefs so I'm trying to kill a little time until he's free."

"You're always welcome, ma'am," Donna replied.

"That's very nice of you," Abbey said stepping in and closing the door. "Oh, and congratulations on your engagement."

"Thank you, ma'am," Donna said with an excited grin. 

"I hope you won't think this is presumptuous of me, but I was hoping you'd give me some of the details and tell me how the wedding planning is going. I'll understand if you don't have the time."

"Of course not, ma'am. I have the time, but things haven't gotten very far so I don't know how much I have to tell you."

"Do you mind if I sit down?" Abbey asked. 

"Oh, no, ma'am...please, have a seat," Donna said as Abbey settled herself in one of the visitors chairs. 

“So, Jed told me that you and Josh got engaged two weeks ago,” Abbey began. “Have you set the date for the wedding yet?”

“April 24th,” she replied without hesitation as she settled back down in her own chair and pulled Hannah into her lap. Unearthing Hannah's coloring book, she put it and the box of crayons in front of Hannah to keep her occupied.

“April 24th?" Abbey said doing some mental calculations. "That’s only about 6 weeks away.”

Donna couldn’t help but smile. “Yes it is, right after Josh gets back from the Brussels trip."

Abbey lifted a brow. “Is your smile because it’s not that far away or is there more to it than that?”

“The 24th is a special day for us, ma’am,” Donna said cryptically.

“Donna, could we please put the ‘ma’am’ on hold for right now?” Abbey told her with just the hint of mild annoyance.

“Of course, Mrs. Bartlet.”

Abbey gave her a long, slightly bemused look. “'Mrs. Bartlet' is as good as I’m going to get isn’t it?”

“I'm afraid it is, ma’am,” Donna said with a little grin. 

Donna respected the First Lady a great deal and she would no more call her by her first name than she would call the president by his. Even when she was told it was all right. 

“Oh, how I long for the days when all I had to worry about was if people would call me 'Mrs.' or 'doctor,'” Abbey lamented with a sigh. "So...what's so special about April 24th?" 

Donna considered whether or not she should tell her the reason they’d picked the 24th. It wasn’t a great secret, just a personal one. Since Sam would probably have already picked up on the significance of the day and being the spokesman he was, would likely share it with any number of people, Donna figured there was no real reason to not tell her. 

“It’s our not-anniversary."

Abbey frowned in bafflement. “Your ‘not-anniversary’?”

“I don’t know if you remember or not, but during the first campaign I stopped working for Josh for a while and went back to my boyfriend. I came back a few weeks later on April 24th and started working for Josh again.”

“And that’s why you picked it for your wedding?” Abbey said still not quite making the connection.

Donna tried to explain. “Every year since then Josh has sent me flowers on the 24th. For the longest time it used to annoy the heck out of me because I thought he was needling me about leaving and having to come crawling back. He would say the flowers were for our anniversary and I would argue that our anniversary was when I first started working for him and the 24th was our not-anniversary.”

“Okay, but why not use the other date, the one when you originally started working for him, for your wedding?” Abbey said still not understanding.

Donna smiled softly. “Because eventually he made me see that our not-anniversary was really the day he wanted to celebrate because it was the day I came back to him and never left.”

Abbey smiled. “Well, who would have thought? Josh Lyman...a romantic.”

“You have no idea, but don’t tell anyone or you’ll ruin his reputation,” Donna put in with a grin. “Plus the 24th has the virtue of being a date he won’t have much trouble remembering and it’s not far off so we won’t have to wait long to get married.”

“Why do you want to get married so quickly?” Abbey asked innocently. “Why not wait and have a big wedding?”

Donna didn't know if she was reading something into Mrs. Bartlet's words or not. “If you’re trying to tactfully ask if I’m pregnant, the answer is no,” she answered neutrally working hard to keep the defensiveness out of her voice. 

Abbey cocked her head slightly. "Actually that's not what I was asking." she said. "I thought maybe Josh was pushing for a smaller wedding. Most women want a big wedding and given that you’ve never been married before I thought you might too."

Blushing slightly at her misstep, Donna glanced down at the desk in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Bartlet...I didn't mean..." her voice trailed off.

"I take it you've already gotten the pregnancy question from other people?" Abbey said with compassion in her voice.

Donna nodded and was a little mortified to find herself blinking back tears. "From CJ, Toby, my parents, and Josh’s mom. I'm pretty sure that Josh got it from Leo too but he doesn't want to tell me." She let out a watery little laugh as she tried to joke about it. "Of course, our parents were asking because they want grandchildren as soon as humanly possibly."

Hannah turned toward her and put her little arms around Donna's neck. "Don't cry, Aunt Donna."

"It's okay, Pixie," Donna said patting her on the back. "Sorry, Mrs. Bartlet." Snatching a tissue out of the box on her desk, she swiped at her eyes. "I just hate that everyone might think that's the only reason Josh would marry me. It doesn't say much for me and says even less about him."

Abbey was quiet for a long moment, her look assessing. "Donna, I'm going to tell you something that very few people know," she began quietly. "Jed's father was not what you would call a kind man. He was cold and didn't care much about anyone but himself and his own self-importance."

Although Donna knew there had been issues between the president and his father, she remained quiet.

"When Jed and I got engaged, he was going to go home and tell his father the news. But he wanted to go by himself. Of course, I wouldn't hear of it. We even had a huge fight over it. I thought his reluctance to take me with him was a reflection on me. As if he was somehow ashamed of me."

"I'm sure that wasn't it," Donna put in as Hannah shifted around and started coloring again.

"No, of course not," Abbey replied, giving her a direct look. "But what I came to see was that Jed was ashamed of his father."

While Mrs. Bartlet was opinionated, Donna knew she wouldn't say something like that lightly. "What happened?"

"Well, in addition to telling him about our engagement, it was also the first time I'd actually met his father. Although we dated for a year before we got engaged things never worked out for me to meet him. Which I'm thankful for now, as I’m sure I wouldn’t have been able to keep myself from telling him exactly what I thought of him. But back then, Jed and I were busy with school in Boston and when I would ask about meeting his father, he would say his father had other commitments or he’d find some to change the subject. Consequently, we spent most holidays with my family or together at school."

She let out a breath. "It's funny that I still remember it so clearly," she said absently. "We were called into his study and we stood in front of this huge desk he was seated behind. You would think we were two errant students in his school...you see, he was the headmaster at a very prestigious private school," she explained.

"I remember," Donna said. 

"Anyway, Jed told him about our engagement and rather than being the happy father of the groom, he took one look at me and you would have thought that I was something that he wanted to scrape off his shoe. But being young and eager and innocent, I smiled and held out my hand to shake his." She pursed her lips slightly. "He didn't even bother to give me a second look, much less shake my hand. He only looked at Jed and said 'please tell me you were not foolish enough to get her pregnant'." 

"Oh, my God," Donna said.

"Yes, that was pretty much my reaction," Abbey replied. "You see, his father had it in his mind that Jed would be a priest and I stood in the way of that." 

"But he didn't care what the president wanted?" Donna asked.

"No. And I discovered pretty early on that anything that stood in the way of how his father thought the universe should work was unacceptable. He didn't even come to our wedding," she said quietly. "I found out later that Jed went back a number of times to try and reason with him, but it didn't do any good. Stubborn jackass, died about a year after we were married," she muttered. “You know, there are many things that I love about Jed, but I will always love him for standing up to his father about me when it would have been easier for him to give in.”

Given that she now understood what it was to love someone so completely you needed them like air, Donna ventured a comment. 

“Maybe it wouldn’t have been easier, Mrs. Bartlet,” Donna said quietly. “When you really love someone, the thought of leaving them or being without them is the hardest thing of all.”

Abbey regarded her for a moment. “Yes, of course you’re right,” she said with a soft smile. “Thank you, Donna. You’re very kind.” 

“Just calling them like I see them ma’am...Mrs. Bartlet,” she added with a smile.

“Well then let me do the same,” Abbey told her. “Ignore the question about your motivations for getting married. You know what you and Josh feel for each other. All the rest is crap.”

Now it was Donna’s turn to regard her, a grateful look in her eyes. “Thank you, Mrs. Bartlet,” she said gratefully. 

“Not at all,” Abbey replied with a commiserating smile. “Now, getting back to the wedding plans, how many people were you thinking of inviting?” 

“Oh, maybe 10 or 20. Our parents, some family and friends,” she smiled. “I don’t know if your schedules will permit it, but we want to invite you and the president too. Of course that opens up issues with the secret service, but it wouldn’t seem right if you weren’t there.”

“We’d be honored, Donna,” Abbey said with genuine affection. “But are you going to be able to pull everything together in such a short amount of time?” 

“I hope so, Josh and I have been so busy here working on the trade agreement, and then at home with the kids and the new house...well, it doesn’t leave a lot of extra time,” Donna sighed a little. “And there’s so much to do, even for a small wedding. Flowers, a cake, a dress for me and something nicer than his regular tux for Josh, a judge to officiate...well you can imagine.” She ran a hand over Hannah’s hair. “We also asked Hannah and Jake to be in the ceremony so we have to get them outfitted too.”

“I’m gonna be flower girl,” Hannah blurted as she looked up from her coloring with a happy grin. 

Abbey and Donna exchanged surprised and curious looks. As Abbey was well aware of the issues Hannah had, Donna wasn’t sure which one of them were more surprised by Hannah’s outburst. Apparently, she’d come far enough that the excitement at being in the wedding had overcome her problematic shyness, at least in this instance.

“Well, of course you are,” Abbey said with a smile. “Only the sweetest and prettiest little girls get to be flower girls and you certainly fit the bill.”

Hannah grinned at her praise. “Wanna see the dress I like?”

Abbey gave Donna a bemused smile, then shifted her gaze back to Hannah. “Of course I do.” 

Hannah pushed her coloring book aside to reveal the bridal magazine they’d been looking at. She flipped back a couple of pages to the flower girl dress she’d marked in crayon. 

“This one,” she said turning the magazine around. Rising to her knees in Donna’s lap and half climbing onto the desk, she pushed it toward Abbey. “Isn’t it pretty?”

“Why, it’s gorgeous,” Abbey gushed. “You’ll look just like a fairy princess.”

Hannah grinned and stared down at the picture. Moving back into Donna’s lap, she looked up at her with a dawning idea written clearly on her face. 

“I can’t be a fairy princess if I don’t have wings with my dress,” she said logically.

Donna still couldn’t get over how talkative Hannah was being around Mrs. Bartlet, but she smiled. “Well, I guess we’ll have to get you some wings then, won’t we?” Donna said, rubbing her nose playfully against Hannah’s and making her giggle. 

Abbey watched their exchange with a soft smile. “I see Josh isn’t the only one who’s good with them,” she said quietly as Hannah, who was still grinning, went back to coloring.

Smiling shyly, Donna flushed under Abbey’s comments and tucked a stray piece of hair behind Hannah’s ear. “They make it easy.”

“So have you given any thought to where to have the ceremony?" Abbey asked getting back to the discussion about the wedding.

Donna grinned. “Well, Josh suggested running off to Virginia and just seeing a judge, but I pointed out that our family and friends would never let us hear the end of it.”

“Oh, I can pretty much guarantee that.” Abbey laughed lightly. “At the very least, I’m sure Jed would have extracted some sort of punishment for that from Josh.”

“That’s what I told him,” Donna said laughing right along with her. “I figured it would be   
the complete history of matrimony and related ceremonies for various cultures."

Abbey laughed harder. “Oh, at the very least. Either that or a statistical breakdown of marriage in America and how it affects the socio-economic structure of family, politics, healthcare, the price of milk, and the family dog.”

Looking up from her coloring book, Hannah gave them both a confused look as they continued to laugh over it.

“Thank you, Mrs. Bartlet,” Donna said when their laughter began to slow. Snatching up another tissue, she offered Mrs. Bartlet the box and then dabbed at the tears the laughter had caused. “I really needed a good laugh.”

Abbey dabbed at her own eyes. “Happy to oblige.”

Donna let out a breath to clear away the last of the amusement. “Anyway, finding a place to have it is turning out to be the hardest part of all, especially with the security aspect if you and the president attend. And if we don’t have the place nailed down it’s awfully hard to arrange for the rest.”

“I see your point,” Abbey said with a thoughtful nod.

“I’m starting to think that I should just go with Josh’s idea and throw him under the bus to deal with whatever flack we might take for it,” Donna said a little wistfully. “I guess we could have it at home, but it’s just we’re still unpacking and with all that’s going on, I don’t know if I could get it ready in time or if there’s enough room for everyone, especially if the weather isn’t perfect.” 

Abbey didn’t say anything but only stared thoughtfully at Donna. It was apparent that the wheels were turning furiously in her head and Donna frowned a little as she didn’t know if she should be curious or scared.

“I have an idea,” Abbey said suddenly. "Have the wedding here."

"What...in my office?" Donna said with a laugh.

"No, in the White House," Abbey said perfectly serious. "In the mansion."

"Oh, Mrs. Bartlet," Donna said with stunned surprised. "I appreciate the offer, but we couldn't do that."

"Why not?"

"It would be too much trouble," Donna said. 

Abbey waved her hand. "Nonsense. In fact it would probably be less trouble. Although it would mean that the secret service will still need to vet the guests, it would solve most the headaches and objections they would have over another site. And since you're so pressed for time, I've got an entire staff that can help with all the arrangements."

Donna’s head was swimming a little by now. "But, Mrs. Bartlet, it's not their job to help me plan my wedding. And what about the expense? I'm not sure the press corps and the public would be all that thrilled that they'd be footing the bill for such a thing. Maybe it would be different if we were family, but..."

"You and Josh are part of our family, Donna," Abbey said sincerely. "You have to know that the president and I see you and Josh as well as most of the senior staff as our family. We've been through too much together not to."

Donna was touched by her words. "That's very sweet of you to say, Mrs. Bartlet, and Josh and I think of you and the president as family too. I just..."

Abbey didn't let her finish. "Look at it this way. Liz is already married and Ellie and Zoey aren't even considering marriage," Abbey pointed out. "You and Josh might be our last chance to host a White House wedding before Jed's term is up." She smiled. "We're allowed to have parties and I've been itching to have a one. We haven't had a good one since my birthday party when we found out you were Canadian."

Donna couldn't help but smile. Mrs. Bartlet was making it awfully hard for her to keep saying no. "I just don't know, I'm still worried about the fallout from the expense of a White House wedding." 

Abbey considered that. "Okay, how about this. The secret service has a list of approved caterers and businesses that can be used for functions here at the White House when we want to do something outside of the regular staff. How about if you still plan the wedding yourself and use one of them? You could pay them directly and that way there would be no question about doing it on the public's dime." 

"But we didn't want to have a big fancy wedding," Donna argued. "Every White House wedding I've heard of has been a media circus." 

Abbey shrugged. "I'm guessing that's because they wanted it to be a media circus. But if you keep it small the way you were describing, I think it can be as fancy or as plain as you want it to be," Abbey said. "Pick a room you'd like to have the ceremony in and plan it the way you want. You don't need to invite the press. Just coordinate the scheduling and arrangements with my office." She smiled. "Think of it as one step up from one of the president's chili nights."

Donna searched for a reason to say no, but none was forth coming. On the one hand, in many ways it would be easier to have the wedding there and since she and Josh had spent so much time and so many significant moments there, the symbolic nature of having it there was obvious. On the other hand, the idea of actually getting married at the White House was a little daunting.

"You're sure it would be okay?" Donna asked cautiously. "You're not just suggesting it to be polite?"

Abbey gave her a lopsided smile. "Donna, when have you ever known me to do anything but speak my mind and say exactly what I think?"

Donna would have smiled but the idea of getting married in the White House was beginning to sink in and she was starting to get overwhelmed. 

"Point taken," Donna said. "Okay, I'll have to talk to Josh about it, but if he's on board and you're REALLY sure that it will be okay with you and president, I guess we'll do it."

********  
Blinking away the fatigue plaguing his eyes from staring at the draft of the trade agreement for too long, Josh looked up to see what Jake was doing. As expected, he was still sitting in one of his visitor chairs, reading a book. The kid was like a sponge when it came to books. This time though, he wasn't reading one of the non-fiction and informational books he seemed to prefer. Instead, he was reading the first Harry Potter book to do a book report on for school.

Josh blinked again when there was a knock at his door. "Come in," he called. 

The door opened and Donna and Hannah came in. As soon as Hannah saw Josh, she broke away from Donna and ran to him.

"Unca Josh, Unca Josh!" she exclaimed as she scrambled up into his lap. "Aunt Donna said I could wear wings with my flower girl dress so I can be a fairy princess."

Josh smiled and settled her more comfortably in his lap. "Well, sure, what's a fairy princess without wings?" he said matter-of-factly as he automatically got a box of crayons and a coloring book out of his desk. He set both on the desk and Hannah started coloring. "And I'm sure you'll look beautiful as always."

With a smile, Josh looked over at Donna and saw that she had dropped down into his other visitor's chair. The smile turned to a frown when he noticed she was staring off to the side, her face looking pale and a little worried. 

"Donna?"

"Hmm?" she said distracted and still not looking at him.

Trying to decide if he should start being concerned or not, he tried again. "Donna, what's wrong?"

She seemed to shake herself and her gaze finally landed on his face. "Um, Nothing," she said weakly.

"It doesn't sound like nothing," he said. "What is it?"

Her gaze drifted away from him again. "We're getting married," she said with mild disbelief in her voice as she stared off to the side again.

"Yeah, Donna I know. I was the one that proposed, remember?" He grinned. "At least the first time."

Her gaze snapped back to him. "It's not funny."

He could see she was clearly upset about something. "Uh, sorry," he tried. "Is there a problem with the wedding?" Now he joined her in the upset department. "Wait, you're not thinking about backing out on me now are you? You promised you wouldn't do that."

If she'd had something to throw at him, she would have. "No, Josh! Of course, I'm not backing out on you!"

"Then will you tell me what the hell...sorry...heck is wrong?" he said trying to watch his language around the kids.

"We're getting married here."

"We've already covered that," Josh said, not understanding. "What's wrong with us getting married?"

"No, Josh. We're getting married HERE...at the WHITE HOUSE."

Well, he hadn't seen that coming. "What are you talking about?"

"Mrs. Bartlet stopped by to see me and she was asking me about the wedding and before I knew what was happening she suggested having the ceremony in the mansion."

"But we can't do that," he said.

"I know, that's what I told her," Donna replied. "But you know how persuasive she can be."

"But what about the press, not to mention the public?" he argued. "They're not going to like the idea of being stuck with the tab for our wedding."

"Well, she had an idea of how to get around that..." Donna began. 

Donna went through everything she and Mrs. Bartlet had talked about and for every argument Josh threw up, she knocked it down. And by the time she was done, Josh understood why Donna had looked a little pale and worried when she walked in, because he was pretty sure his expression now matched hers.

"Okay, so I guess we're getting married in the White House," he said in bewilderment. 

"Now you can see why I was a little freaked out," Donna told him.

"Yeah. Are you sure it's not too late for us to elope to Virginia?" he said only half joking.

"Way too late," she said. "Sorry."

"Since we wanted to invite the president and Mrs. Bartlet, I probably should have seen it coming," he said with a resigned sigh. "I'm sure my mom will be thrilled to see the mansion."

"So will my parents," Donna agreed. 

"Well, at least we've got a place now," Josh told her. "That should make the rest of the planning easier."

"Yeah," she said. "Do you think you can spare me for an hour or two this afternoon? I've got an appointment to go through the mansion with Mrs. Bartlet this afternoon to pick out a room. I'll take Hannah with me."

"Sure," he said. "I'm going to spend the rest of the afternoon reading the text of the trade agreement so I can send the revisions of the language back to Sam." 

Donna nodded, then watched him for a moment. "Josh, I hope the money part for the wedding is still okay," she said.

"Why wouldn't it be?" he replied. "I said I would pay for it."

"I know you did, but I'm a little worried that having it here might push the price tag higher than you expected. I could talk to my parents about paying part of it."

He waved her off. "If we keep the number of people down to what we talked about, I don't see why it has to break the bank." Josh leaned back in his chair. "In fact, it will probably save a little bit of money since I doubt Mrs. B was planning on charging us for having the ceremony in the mansion."

"I hadn't thought about that," Donna said. "But you'll tell me if it's getting too expensive?"

He gave her a bemused smile. "I promise."

Now that they were done with the marriage discussion for the time being, Donna frowned at something on the corner of his desk. Picking it up, she studied it. 

"Is this the transcript of the Hoynes interview?"

"Yeah, it's coming out in this weekend's edition. CJ managed to get a Secret Squirrel copy from Greg Brock."

She read it for a minute. "Do you think this means he's going to run next year?"

"Oh, yeah," he said emphatically. "CJ said the interview is just a prelude. She found out he's writing a book."

"A book?"

Josh nodded. "He's going to jump out in front of all the things that can be used against him during the campaign. Which is pretty smart actually. I'd have told him to do something like that myself if I didn't think he was such an enormous tool."

Donna watched him for a minute. "Josh, would you ever think about working for him again?" she asked quietly. "I mean, I know that you liked him at one time and how much you hate Russell."

"No, I'd never work for him again. He was my guy once, but he hasn't been for a long time. I could never trust him to keep his fly zipped." Josh sighed and leaned back in his chair while Hannah continued to color. "I don't know what I'm going to do next year. I'll be damned if I'll vote for Russell and if I won't run Hoynes campaign, I'm sure not going to vote for him either. I keep hoping someone else jumps into the pool to give the voters another choice."

"Yeah, me too," Donna agreed. 

"But right now, no one but Hoynes looks like they're even thinking about getting into it. Challenging a sitting vice president for the nomination is almost impossible and it's tantamount to political suicide if you lose. The thing with Hoynes is that he's got nothing to lose."

"I see what you mean," she said scanning a bit more of the transcript. "What a liar.." she murmured. 

"You picked up on that too, huh? CJ said most of what he claims Leo and the president said were false or completely embellished."

"I don't mean that," Donna said absently as she stopped scanning one section and began actually reading it. "I mean when he says his womanizing was exaggerated."

Josh stared at her in shock. It had come out so matter-of-factly and she sounded so certain he was instantly suspicious. "You want to elaborate on that?" 

Her eyes flashed up from the paper to meet his and she looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Clearly, she'd said more than she'd realized. "No...I mean...well, we all know what he was like."

He wasn't buying her vague answer. Rising anger in his eyes, he only continued to stare at her. "Donna, did he ever hit on you?"

Donna was all but squirming in her chair. "I'm not sure I'd call it that."

"Then what would you call it?" he demanded.

"You'll just get mad."

"Let me worry about that," he told her.

"It doesn't matter now," she insisted.

"The hell it doesn't," he said making Hannah look up at him. "Sorry, honey," he apologized running a hand over her head and trying to control his temper.

Donna opened her mouth, then closed it again and finally sighed. "Yes, he hit on me," she said quietly. "But nothing happened. I turned him down every time."

"Every time?!" Josh said. "Just how many times were there?"

"Five or six, I guess," she replied. "It was a long time ago."

"Five or six?!" He sat bolt upright in his chair, bobbling Hannah and earning a dirty look from her. "Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Because it was during the first campaign and you needed to focus on getting the president elected and I knew that if I told you what was happening you'd have gotten mad at me just like you are now," she snapped.

He blinked in surprise. "I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at him!" Josh clarified trying to calm down. "I know he had a problem with some of the interns when he was a senator and then there the was the woman he was involved with before he resigned, but I didn't realize that it went beyond that."

"I wasn't the only one, Josh," she told him quietly. "During the first campaign, he didn't really have anything to stop him. His wife didn't travel with him that much and he had a veritable buffet of women to choose from, a lot of whom were star struck by him. Actually, I think back then being female was enough for him. He really did hit on everything in a skirt. As I recall, he even hit on CJ once, but I'm sure she put him in his place."

Another, uglier thought came into his mind and the images it evoked made it hard for him to get the words out. "Donna, did he ever...was he...did he get physical with you?"

Donna understood what he was getting at and her expression softened. "No, Josh it was nothing like that. At least not with me. He never used force or intimidation, he was usually just charming and flirtatious. I wasn't the least bit interested so it was easy for me to say no and I did my best to avoid being alone with him."

Josh toyed with one of Hannah's crayons. "I'm sorry you had to put up with that crap from him."

Reaching across the desk, she took his hand and smiled softly. "I know. But it's in the past and in no way was it your fault."

He gave her hand a squeeze. "Well, if he ever does anything like that again, promise you'll tell me right away."

"I promise," she said with a nod as she sat back in her chair and replaced the transcript of Hoynes' interview back on Josh's desk.

Wanting to change the subject, Donna moved on to something else. "Oh, that reminds me, there's something that Hannah and I want to talk to you and Jake about."

"What's that?" Josh asked.

Donna focused her gaze on Jake who'd looked up from his book. "Jake, when Hannah and I were in my office earlier, she asked me what I thought about her calling Uncle Josh and me, 'mom and dad' after we get married," she said cautiously trying to gauge his reaction. "I told her that we'd have to talk to you and Uncle Josh first."

Jake didn't say anything, but just looked between Josh and Donna and then sent a glare at Hannah who'd stopped coloring, but didn't seem bothered by his glare one little bit. 

The idea of Hannah calling them mom and dad had taken Josh by surprise, but it was a pleasant one. To avoid putting pressure on Jake, he tried to keep his voice neutral when he spoke. 

"What do you think about the idea, Jake?"

He shrugged with feigned disinterest and Josh had a feeling that Jake would be talking about this subject at his next therapy appointment. 

"Jake," Donna began. "I want you to know that Uncle Josh and I can never take the place of your parents and we're not trying to. And we certainly don't want either of you to forget them." She hoped her words would reassure him. "But if Hannah wants to call us mom and dad, and it's not a problem for you, we’d like to let her do that." She looked at Josh. "Right, Josh?"

"That's right," he said. "And hey, Jake, you don't have to answer right now if you don't want to. You can take some time to think about it."

Jake stared down at his feet, which were swinging idly under his chair and didn't answer for a very long time. Then, as if he'd come to some sort of decision, he finally looked up at them.

"Would I have to call you mom and dad too?" he asked.

"No, not at all," Josh said. "You can call us Uncle Josh and Aunt Donna or whatever makes you comfortable."

He seemed to consider it for another couple of moments. "I guess it would be okay," he said as his gaze fastened back on Hannah. "If Hannah really wants to call you that, it's okay with me."

As if to re-affirm her request him, Hannah smiled and nodded at Jake. Josh and Donna exchanged silent glances. They were both pleased by this turn of events but they kept their features schooled so they didn't upset the delicate balance they'd apparently achieved.

"Thank you, Jake," Josh said around the small lump in his throat. "That means a lot to us."

**********  
Chapter 39

"Stop squirming, Joshua,” Anna admonished. "I swear, you’re worse than Jake."

"Sorry," Josh said, trying to hold still as she tied his bowtie.

While he knew she was tying it correctly, it just felt wrong to have anyone but Donna tying it for him. Of course, Donna couldn't be there to tie it for him. Much to his dismay, she and Hannah had spent the night at the White House so she could see to the last minute wedding details and so he wouldn't see her before the wedding. 

"Speaking of Jake, where is he?"

"I parked him downstairs on the couch reading his book with strict orders not to get anything on his tux," Anna told him. “He looks so adorable. Donna’s idea for white tie and tails for you both was perfect.”

He started to fidget again. "Did Mr. and Mrs. Moss leave already?"

“Yes, about 20 minutes ago,” she replied. 

"Did they take the box?" he asked worriedly. "The one I got for Donna?"

"Yes, they did," she said absently as she worked on this tie.

"Did they remember our suitcase?" he asked next.

"Yes, Joshua,” she replied in exasperation. “Now hold still.”

He did his best to comply and the two of them were quiet for a long moment. "Do you think Donna's parents like me?" he asked quietly.

Anna's eyes flicked up to his and then back to his tie. "Of course they do, honey. But if I could give you a word of advice..."

"As if I could stop you," he teased.

She shot him a dirty look. "Behave yourself, Joshua."

"Sorry," he said with a little grin. "What's the advice?"

"Donna's parents are nice people and they're going to be your in-laws now, so you might want to try calling them by their actual names from now on."

"I know, I know. Donna told me pretty much the same thing. I just haven't been around them that much so it feels a little weird to call them 'Robert and Diane' or mom and dad. Plus, her father scares the crap out of me. He always looks like he's thinking of ways to pound me into the ground."

"That's because you're marrying his little girl," Anna told him with a grin. “I imagine when Hannah or any other daughters you and Donna might have, get married, their fiancés will be on the receiving end of a similar look from you.”

"No, they won't," he said with a straight face. "Because my girls are going to stay little and cute forever and never get married."

"Just keep telling yourself that, Joshua," she said distractedly with a little grin. Giving his tie a final tug, she stood back to give him a once over. “All done and I have to say you look very handsome.”

“You don’t think you might be the least bit, biased?” he teased as he fussed with his bow tie a little. 

“I’m your mother, I’m supposed to be biased,” she replied. “And stop fiddling with your tie.”

Dropping his hands, he smiled and kissed her cheek. “Yes, mother,” he said as reached for the jacket of the tux and slid it on.

"I wish your father had lived to see this day," Anna said softly as she watched him button the jacket. "Even though he never got to meet her in person, your father had become very fond of Donna before he died. He told me once that she could keep you in line better than anyone he’d ever seen.”

Missing his father that day as much as she was, Josh’s smile was a little melancholy. “Dad had that pegged right.” Staring down at his newly shined shoes, he slid his hands in his pockets. “I think Joanie would have liked her too.”

Anna laughed softly. “Oh, she and Donna would have been thick as thieves, I’m sure.” Gently, she brushed some non-existent lint off his shoulder. “They both would have been very proud of you, Joshua,” she told him with just the edge of tears in her voice, even though her eyes were dry. "Almost as proud as I am."

Josh felt himself blush a little under her comments and he pulled her into a light hug. "Thanks for everything, Mom. I wouldn’t have gotten where I am today without your support. I know I don’t say it enough, but I love you.”

“I love you, too, Joshua,” she said quietly.

The moment was broken by the sound of the doorbell. "Now who could that be?" she wondered as they pulled apart.

"It's probably Sam," Josh guessed. "He's supposed to be driving us over. I'm sure Jake will let him in." 

With a nod, Anna let out a wistful little sigh. “So...how are you feeling?" she asked. 

"I'm fine," he assured her.

"You're not nervous?"

“Nah, not at all. I'm marrying Donna, nothing scary about that,” he replied. “If anything, I’m just anxious to get the show on the road.”

“Speaking of getting the show on the road...” she began. “When do you think I can expect more grandchildren?”

With a sigh, Josh dropped his head. “Mom, could we just focus on me getting married right now and leave the grandchildren discussion for later?”

“Well, I’d like to do that Josh, but it occurs to me that you and Donna have known each other for seven years and you’re just now getting married. I don’t want it to take another seven years for you two to have kids.” 

“Mooom...” Josh said in exasperation. 

“I’m just saying, two grandkids are nice but three or four would be even better.” 

Josh couldn’t help but chuckle. “And Donna calls me, single minded,” he muttered. “Okay, look, if I promise to talk to Donna about it, can we move on?” 

Anna picked up the small boutonniere for his lapel that matched Donna’s bridal bouquet and smiled. Her work here was done. “I guess that will have to do,” she said with a mock, longsuffering sigh.

Jake and Sam appeared in the bedroom doorway. “Hey, Sam,” Josh greeted. 

“Hey,” Sam said back. “You don’t look half bad.”

“You don’t have to sound so surprised, you know,” Josh groused. 

“Sorry,” Sam said with a grin. “I’ve got the car downstairs whenever you’re ready to go.” Sam reported. 

“’Kay. We’re just about done.” 

Finally satisfied with her work on the boutonniere, Anna smoothed down the front of his jacket. “Well, Joshua, what do you say? Shall we go get you married?”

Oddly, it occurred to him that when he returned to this house he’d be doing it as a married man. The thought warmed him, rather than terrorized. 

“Absolutely.”

**********

"Mommy, can you help me with my wings?" Hannah asked.

Donna turned away from the small dressing table where she was putting the final touches on her make-up and smiled. Hearing Hannah call her ‘mommy’ still gave her a warm jolt to the heart. 

"Sure, Pixie, bring them here.” 

Happily, Hannah trotted over with her wings. Even without them, she looked adorable. She was already wearing her dress and except for her wings and picking up the small bouquet of red roses that she would carry down the aisle, she was ready. Donna herself was wearing a soft silk robe over the undergarments that went with her dress, which she was waiting to put on until just before she went out. As for a veil, she’d opted not to have one.

Yet another thing Mrs. Bartlet had contributed to the wedding was she had offered her hair dresser to Donna and Hannah. The man had worked wonders. Donna's hair was pulled back into a smooth, elegant twist and Hannah's baby fine hair was pulled back from her face and hung in big fat sausage curls at the back of her head. Knowing how fine Hannah's hair was and how hard it could be to work with, Donna wondered how long the curls would last.

Hannah handed the wings to Donna. "Turn around," Donna instructed. 

The wings Donna had found for her to wear were made from a gossamer thin material, pulled tightly over a clear frame. Although Hannah had tried to talk her into letting her wear them before the wedding, Donna had held firm. Now that the time to wear them was here, Hannah was practically bouncing with excitement. Consequently, Donna had to take a little extra time to attach the four pins that were built into the inner edge of each wing to the back of Hannah's dress.

"Okay, all done,” she said as Hannah turned around. “What do you think?”

Hannah wiggled her shoulders and had the wings fluttering prettily. “I like them,” she announced as she began to skip around the room. “Do I look like a fairy princess?” 

Donna smile widened. “You look exactly like a fairy princess,” she said as she turned back to the mirror to finish putting her lipstick on.

"Can I have some lipstick too?" Hannah asked as she skipped back over to Donna.

“Well, seeing as how this is a special occasion, I don’t see why not,” Donna told her. “And I’ve got the perfect shade of fairy princess pink that should look just right.”

Carefully, Donna applied a light layer of baby doll pink color that was more lip gloss than lipstick to Hannah’s mouth. As she did, Donna felt a wave of warmth go through her at the simple, quiet moment. While everything was coming together, it had been a crazy couple of days and this was the first few minutes she’d had alone, or at least alone with only Hannah, since they'd woken up that morning and she was enjoying the peace. She’d thought that having a late afternoon wedding would lend itself to a slower pace, but she saw now that it just gave everyone more time to fret and worry over every small detail. 

“How’s that?” she asked Hannah who was studying her reflection in the mirror. 

“I look just like you,” she said happily.

Donna brushed a hand lightly over Hannah’s hair. “Well, then I must look good, because you look beautiful.” 

Just then there was a knock at the door. “Come in,” Donna called.

“Donna, I’ve go a visitor for you,” Abbey Bartlet said as she led Diane Moss into the room.

She rose from the table. “Hi, mom,” Donna said, greeting her with a hug. “Did you have any problem getting through security?”

“Nope, those very nice secret service people were very helpful and pointed us in the right direction,” Diane told her. “And then Mrs. Bartlet was kind enough to bring me up here.”

“Well, we couldn’t have the mother of the bride getting lost now, could we?” Abbey teased. “The secret service gets nervous when people start wandering the halls.”

Diane smiled. “I don’t see how you find your way around, this place is a maze.”

Abbey smiled. “Don’t tell anyone this, but during our first month here, I got lost at least three times a day. As you can imagine, it made unpacking quite a challenge.” Abbey’s gaze shifted to Hannah who was standing quietly beside the dressing table. “Why, Hannah, I see you got your wings. I must say they are quite lovely.”

At first, Hannah only blushed and giggled slightly.

“What do you say, Hannah?” Donna prompted. She’d been trying to make an extra effort to draw Hannah out and not always let her get away with being so shy and non-verbal around others.

“Thank you,” Hannah replied shyly.

“You’re welcome,” Abbey said with a smile. “Oh, Donna, I just wanted to tell you the caterers finally arrived and there’s no problem with the dinner set up in the East Room.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Bartlet. Did the cake make it in one piece?”

Abbey smiled. “Yes, it did and it’s gorgeous. They’re setting it up in the East Room too.”

“Perfect. Thanks for all your help. I really couldn’t have done it without your help.”

“It was my pleasure,” Abbey replied. “Is there anything else you need or want me to check on?”

“No, except, do you know if Jake, Josh, and his mom are here yet?”

“I don’t know. I was over in the East Room checking on that end of things and haven’t been back over to the Blue Room for a while,” she said.

“Jake was almost ready and Josh was getting dressed when we left,” Diane Moss put in.

“Well, I’ll go and check to see if they've made it here yet,” Abbey offered.

“I’d appreciate that, Mrs. Bartlet,” Donna told her. “Sam went over to get them, but you know how things go sometimes when Josh and Sam get together.”

With a bemused smile, Diane Moss looked between Donna and Abbey. “Sounds like there’s a story there.”

“Oh, there are several stories there,” Abbey said dryly. “Like the time the two of them nearly set the White House on fire.”

“Or when they registered CJs goldfish Gail as a democrat and got it a passport,” Donna added.

Abbey and Donna were now both laughing and Diane looked like she was trying to decide if they were pulling her leg or not.

“Well, at least Anna’s with them,” Abbey pointed out. “She’ll make sure they don’t get into too much trouble.”

Donna grinned. “Which is why I asked her to stick like glue to Josh until he gets here.”

Smiling now, Diane looked at Abbey. “I think she’s going to get the hang of this wife thing just fine, don’t you?”

“Believe me, Diane, I have no doubts that your daughter has Josh Lyman’s number and will keep him in line just fine,” Abbey said with a grin. “Now I’m sure you’ve got lots of mother-daughter things to talk about so I’ll leave you to it and I’ll go in search of the groom and see if I can’t corral the other guests.”

“Can I come too?” Hannah asked. “I want to see the cake.” 

During the wedding preparations, Donna and Hannah had spent a lot of time with Abbey and Hannah seemed to feel relatively comfortable around her now.

“I don’t mind taking her,” Abbey offered. 

Donna looked at Hannah for a moment. “Okay, but you need to be on your best behavior and don’t go wandering off by yourself. You listen to what Mrs. Bartlet and the other grown ups tell you, okay?”

“Okay, I will,” Hannah promised as went over to stand by Abbey.

“And don’t get your dress dirty.” 

“I won’t,” Hannah said solemnly as she took the hand that Mrs. Bartlet held out.

“Thank you for everything, Mrs. Bartlet,” Donna said as the two of them walked to the door. 

“You’re welcome, Donna,” Abbey told her as she paused at the door. “I’ll call up here when I’ve found the wayward groom. When you’re ready to come down, let the agent outside know and he’ll let us know so everyone can take their places.”

“All right, I will.” With that, Abbey and Hannah went out into the hall and closed the door, leaving Donna alone with her mother. 

Diane Moss sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at her daughter for a long moment. Donna could see the hint of tears in her eyes. “What’s wrong?” she asked sitting down beside her mother and taking her hand.

“Nothing, not a blessed thing. You just look so beautiful and grown up,” Diane told her. “You’re getting married to a man who clearly thinks you walk on water, you’ve got two beautiful kids, and work in this amazing place.” She sighed a little. “I guess I’m just a little emotional.” Now she smiled softly and touched Donna’s cheek. “After all, my baby girl is getting married today.”

Slipping her arm around Diane’s shoulders, Donna hugged her lightly. “I’m glad you and Dad are here, Mom.”

Diane patted her back. “I’m sorry we couldn’t be here longer, but your father has to get back to work the day after tomorrow.” They pulled away to look at each other. “When he retires next year, I promise we’ll come visit more often.”

“I’d like that,” Donna said glancing at the door. “Speaking of Dad, where is he?”

“Well, the secret service agent took us to the room where you’re having the ceremony...”

“The Blue Room,” Donna clarified.

“Right, the Blue Room...anyway, they took us there before I met up with Mrs. Bartlet and since he wasn’t sure you’d be ready yet, your dad said he would wait for you there.” She smiled. “The last time I saw him he was pacing nervously in the hall and Mr. McGarry and the president were keeping him company.” 

Given that her father was a dyed-in-the-wool Republican, Donna hoped that he wouldn’t say anything to offend the president. “So what did you think of the Blue Room?”

“I only saw it for a few minutes, but it was lovely,” Diane said.

“Yeah, I thought so too. They had to pretty much remove all the regular furniture to set up the chairs for the ceremony, but the first lady and I were happy with the way it came out," Donna told her. 

“Oh, is that your dress?” Diane asked as she stood up and walked over to where Donna had it hanging on the door of a large armoire.

“Yes, do you like it?” 

“It’s perfect,” she said appreciatively running a hand over the sleeve. “Simple, elegant and perfect for a spring wedding.”

“Since we’re keeping the wedding small, I didn’t want anything too fancy.”

“Oh, speaking of fancy things...I almost forgot,” Diane began as she walked back to the bed where she’d laid her purse and the small suitcase that Donna recognized as the one she’d packed for her and Josh to take to the Hay Adams where they’d be spending their wedding night. “Josh asked me to give this to you,” she said pulling something out of her purse.

Donna eyed the box her mother held out. It was robins egg blue and tied with a simple white ribbon. “Tiffany’s,” she murmured. “What on earth did he get me at Tiffany’s? I wasn’t expecting anything.”

Diane grinned. “He said a little bird told him this might look nice with your dress.”

Donna sat down at the dressing table and started to carefully open the box. “I hope he didn’t spend too much money. Of course, I’m guessing that ship has already sailed because everything at Tiffany’s costs too much...mon...ey...” Her voice trailed off as she saw what was inside. “Oh my God.”

“What is it?” Diane said moving closer to see over Donna’s shoulder. “Wow. Well, honey, he certainly has good taste.”

“I’m going to kill him,” she whispered. Even as she said it, she could feel the tears threatening to form. The pearl choker was magnificent. It was made up of three rows of cultured pearls divided by four small rectangles of diamonds set in what she thought was platinum.

“Why? It’s gorgeous and it will go perfectly with your dress.”

“Because he’s going to make me cry and I’ll ruin my make-up,” Donna exclaimed in a voice gone thick with unshed tears.

With a sympathetic smile, Diane patted her shoulder. “Now, now, don’t cry. Cry later.”

Donna managed a tremulous smile. “I’ll probably be too busy jumping him later to cry,” she said before she realized just who she was talking to. When she caught her mother’s bemused expression, she blushed furiously but at least it kept the tears at bay. “Sorry,” she said with embarrassment.

Diane let out a little laugh. “Don’t be. You and Josh are adults. Speaking of jumping your presumptive husband, I don’t think you ever told me where you’re going for your honeymoon.”

“Actually we’re not taking one. We’re going to spend tonight at the Hay Adams since it was the first place...” she tried to think of a way to put it to her mother that wouldn’t make her die with embarrassment but came up empty.

“The first place you were...together?” Diane supplied.

Donna nodded gratefully. “But we decided to pass on an actual honeymoon in favor of taking the kids with us on a long trip across the country or Europe or somewhere else after the president’s term is up and we’re unemployed. But right now we’re just too busy with work and the kids and the new house.”

"Makes sense," Diane replied with a nod as she laid her hands on Donna's shoulders. “You know traditionally this would be the time I would give you the talk about sex with your husband, but since you’ve been living with Josh for the last few months now, I’m assuming it wouldn’t be very useful.”

Donna was kind of relieved that they wouldn’t be covering that particular topic. As much as she kidded Josh about his squeamishness over his mother’s comments about her sex life with his father, Donna was just as squeamish over hearing about her parents on that subject too.

Turning to look up at her mother, Donna took her hand. “Maybe you could just give me some advice on being a good wife and mother,” Donna said. “I seem to find myself in the deep end of the pool on both of those counts.”

Formulating a reply, Diane looked at her for a long moment. "Well...actually I think the answer to both is pretty much the same. I’m not exactly an expert on either count, but I think love and communication are key. As much as you and Josh seem to have this freakish way of talking to each other, you still shouldn’t expect him to read your mind. You have to tell him what you want...what you're feeling. Even when you're angry or he's angry or you think he already knows what you need, keep those lines of communication open. The same goes with children. Don’t assume you know how they feel. Talk to them and more importantly, listen to them. Include them in decisions, so they know they're valued and they can learn how to make decisions on their own when the time comes."

Donna nodded and remembered the promise she and Josh had once made to each other about communicating better about ‘them’ and just how many times in the last few months that they, and especially her, could have done a better job with it. It was a realization that made her see just how right her mother was.

Diane squeezed her hand. "And I know it will sound a little simplistic, but...just love him. When Josh is acting like a horse’s backside, or being overbearing, or he forgets your birthday or an anniversary...just love him. You can punish him a little too, in fact, a little punishment is usually a good thing because it will keep him on his toes and let him know you’re not a push over. But in the end, remember how you feel today and why you married him." 

Diane smiled softly. “And when your kids are misbehaving or become teenagers and suddenly they want to fight you on everything under the sun...just love them too. Count to ten on a regular basis when you get mad and remember to pick your battles and not get too wound up over the small things." 

Donna stared at her mother with new eyes. More woman to woman than mother and daughter. “Sounds like good advice,” Donna said, giving her hand a squeeze. “When did you get to be so wise?”

Diane laughed lightly. “I’m not wise. I’m just a wife and a mother who has thankfully picked up some things along the way,” she said. “The challenge with both roles is that there’s no rule book to tell you what to do. It tends to be a learn as you go proposition.” She touched Donna’s cheek. “But I think you’ll do fine...in fact I know you will.” 

Donna felt the tears threatening and she blinked hard before they could get very far. “Thanks, mom,” she said softly.

Diane also looked a little misty too. “Now, I think you’ve got a wedding to get to, so why don’t we get you dressed before we both start blubbering?”

Donna smiled and stood up. "Right, I don't want to be late to my own wedding, do I?"

**********  
Donna's father and Hannah met Diane and Donna as they walked through the hall outside the Blue Room. Because Donna had called down to say she was ready, everyone but the two of them and a few secret service agents had gone inside and closed the door so Donna would be able to make a proper entrance.

She and Josh had talked a lot about who to include in the wedding party. In the end, they'd decided that due to the small ceremony and the fact the in a very real way, the kids had been the catalyst for finally bringing them together, they would just have Jake and Hannah as their respective attendants. Jake would be doing double duty as ring bearer and best man and Hannah would be flower girl and maid of honor to Donna. 

"You look pretty, mommy," Hannah said breathlessly.

"Thank you, Pixie, so do you," she told Hannah as Diane handed Hannah the miniature bouquet of red roses she would carry down the aisle. 

"I'll second that, you both look beautiful," Diane said, giving Donna's cheek a kiss. "I'll see you inside."

"Thanks for everything, mom."

Smiling, her mom nodded and slipped inside the room, where according to an earlier call from Mrs. Bartlet, everyone, including Josh, waited for her.

"Hi, Dad," she greeted her father. 

Robert smiled at her as she took his arm. "Hi, honey. How you doing?" he asked.

"I'm good." She smiled, then blushed a little. "I'm really good."

"You're sure?" he asked. "I mean you can still back out."

"Dad..." she admonished gently. "I'm not going to back out."

"Well...I'm just saying..." he tried to defend. "I wouldn't be a good father if I didn't make sure you knew all the options."

The fact that she was getting married today...in a very few short minutes washed over Donna again. More importantly, she was marrying Josh today. She thought about all the time they'd had to deny what they'd felt for each other and how many ways this day might never have happened.

Gripping her bouquet of red roses more tightly, she looked at her father directly. "Marrying him is the best and only option for me, Daddy," she said. 

"I hope he knows how lucky he is to have you," he lamented.

Donna smiled at him. "He does, Daddy. Just like I know how lucky I am to have him."

Robert could see that she meant what she said. "Well, then let's not keep the man waiting."

**********  
Josh stood in front of the small crowd of about twenty people, waiting for Donna. It was all he could do not to start pacing. He hadn’t been lying when he’d told his mother he wasn’t scared, just anxious for things to start. Forcing himself to stay in once spot, he scanned the crowd. It appeared that everyone they'd invited was there. In addition to his mother and Donna's parents, the usual suspects were there - Sam, Ainsley, Toby, CJ, Leo, Margaret, Carol, Ginger, Charlie, the president and first lady. But there were also a few welcome faces who hadn't been around as frequently as they once had been - Zoey who sat beside Charlie, Andi who sat beside Toby, and Danny sat next to CJ. Rounding out the guests were Matt Skinner and Mike Casper.

Dressed in a smaller version of the same tux Josh was wearing, stood Jake. On Josh’s other side, at the head of the aisle, stood newly confirmed Supreme Court Chief Justice Evelyn Baker Lang, whom he'd talked into presiding over the ceremony. He and Donna had decided on a civil, rather than religious ceremony and Justice Lang had been only too happy to do it.

As Donna's mother slipped through the door and took her seat at the front, Josh nodded to her and she smiled back at him. He took the smile as a sign of encouragement and that all was well. Not that he had ever doubted that. They'd waited so long to be together, he wouldn't let himself even consider that this moment wouldn't happen.

On the heels of that thought, he watched the main door open onto the apparently empty hall and stay opened. A moment later, Hannah, complete with glowing smile, stepped into view.

A small string quartet began playing the classical music Donna had requested as Hannah started up the aisle. She looked adorable as she made her way to the front of the room where he stood. Then Josh saw movement behind her as Donna stepped into the doorway on her father’s arm. 

Seeing her there, everything in him settled and stilled. His eyes were only for her and how amazing she looked. To say she simply took his breath away was an understatement. He didn’t even notice when the quartet began playing the wedding march and the guests stood up as she moved down the aisle.

It felt like he hadn’t seen her in a month, rather than just the 24 hours it had actually been. Her eyes met his and she smiled at him. The time she took to walk down the aisle seemed like an eternity to him, but then she was beside him and automatically, he held his hand out to her. 

Slipping her arm out of her father’s, she kissed him lightly on the cheek and as Robert Moss sat down beside his wife, Donna laid her hand in Josh’s. Then together they stepped forward so they faced a smiling Evelyn Lang.

“Good afternoon everyone, please be seated," the justice began. "I’ve been asked by the bride and groom to welcome you all here today on this happy occasion.” She paused a beat while everyone settled back into their seats. “You know when I was asked to officiate at this ceremony, I thought it might be a good idea to get a feel for the people that would be sending off into wedded bliss. Of course, I knew them from my visits to the White House, but I wanted to go a little deeper than that. So I asked a number of people, most of whom are in this room, what they thought about this wedding.” She smiled broadly. “And what I found was that a pattern quickly emerged. Almost without fail, they all gave me variations of ‘it’s about damn time.’”

A ripple of laughter went through the audience as she continued.

“And although I’ve only known them for a short time, I have to say I couldn’t agree more. I don’t know that I’ve ever met two people who you can just look at and see that they belong together,” she said. “Which is why it baffles me how it’s taken them seven years to get to this day.”

She paused as another round of soft laughter swept through the room.

“In any case, you didn’t come here to listen to me, so I’ll turn things over to the bride and groom. They’ve asked to have a few minutes during the ceremony to exchange vows that they’ve written themselves.” With that, she nodded to Donna who was supposed to go first.

Donna gripped Josh’s hand and cleared her throat. “Joshua, some would say that the biggest thing in my life has been working at the White House for a president I respect and admire. But for me, it hasn’t been working here or knowing the president that has been the biggest thing. It’s the fact that both of those things led me to you and for that I’ll be forever thankful.”

She was blinking back tears as she continued. “Loving you has changed my life for the better, in every way. You challenge me and encourage me and accept me just as I am. You make me laugh and show me each day that the world can be so much more than I ever thought it could. You’re my best friend and I know without a doubt that I’ll love you until the day I die and beyond.” 

Josh squeezed her hand and with his free hand, he held out his handkerchief to her which she used to carefully dab at her eyes. When she was finished, his eyes were shining at her when he spoke.

“Donnatella, on the first day we met, you told me that you thought I would find you valuable. And here we stand, seven years later, and I have to say that you long ago moved from valuable to invaluable. Valuable means you have great worth, which you do, but invaluable means you’re priceless and you are indeed completely priceless to me...to my life. Honestly, I don’t know what I did before you or what I would do without you.”

Trying to hold back his own tears, he took a breath and let it out slowly. “You're my cup half full, my silver lining in every cloud, and you're what reminds me that tomorrow is going to be a better day. I know that it took us a long time to get here, but I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us and I’m thankful for every day we have together."

With that, Josh leaned in and sliding his free hand to her cheek, he kissed her.

“Hey, hey, none of that...” Justice Lang admonished after a beat. “We didn’t get to that part yet.”

At another ripple of laughter, Josh and Donna broke apart. “Well, then hurry up,” Josh instructed still breathing a little hard from the kiss.

Justice Lang shook her head ruefully. “Is he always in this much of a rush?” she asked Donna.

“Yes,” Donna said simply and made everyone laugh as she dabbed at the fresh tears going down her cheeks. Thank goodness for waterproof mascara. 

With a nod, Justice Lang chuckled. “Do you have the rings?”

Just as they’d practiced, Jake and Hannah stepped forward. Donna handed her flowers to Hannah and Jake handed one ring to Josh and the other to Donna, then the two children moved back to their places. Since Josh had chosen her engagement ring, Donna had asked to choose their wedding bands. In the end, she’d chosen simple platinum wedding bands, but inside each one she’d had their initials engraved and after their initials, a simple phrase, written in Hebrew, had been added...

“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.” 

The phrase came right out of the Bible from the book of Song of Solomon. As someone who was knowledgeable about Hebrew, Donna had gone to Toby to try and find something meaningful she might use for their rings and he’d suggested the phrase which she thought was perfect. When she’d told Josh what she’d intended, he’d been immeasurably touched.

Now that they each held a ring, Justice Lang began. “Do you Joshua Isaiah Lyman, take Donnatella Catherine Moss for your wife to love, honor and cherish for as long as you both shall live?”

“You better believe it,” Josh said, unable to keep from grinning as he slid the ring on Donna’s finger.

“And do you, Donnatella Catherine Moss, take Joshua Isaiah Lyman for your husband to love, honor and cherish for as long as you both shall live?”

Donna’s eyes were shining as she stared into Josh’s and slid the wedding band on his finger. “I do.” 

“Then by the powers vested in me by the District of Columbia, I now pronounce you husband and wife.” When Josh and Donna only stood there looking at each other with goofy grins on their faces, she stepped in. “That’s your cue, you can make with the kissing part now.”

“Thank God,” Josh chuckled and slipping his arms around Donna, he pulled her close, bent her backward in a dip and kissed her senseless. 

When the kiss continued and didn’t show any signs of stopping, catcalls and hoots started. The president himself even threw in a “get a room” comment. Finally, they broke apart and as the kiss had clearly shaken both of them, Josh slipped his arm around Donna’s waist to steady both of them as Hannah gave Donna back her flowers.

Justice Lang grinned. “Mr. President, ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to be the first to introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. Joshua Lyman,” she said as the room erupted into applause at the radiant couple.

**********  
Later, at the reception, Josh sat at their table with a sleeping Hannah stretched out on the chair next to him with her head in his lap. As he watched Donna dance with the president, he reflected on how he’d gotten to this moment. 

Revolving around politics, his life had always been pretty simple...well, maybe ‘simple’ wasn’t the right word. Focused maybe...narrowly focused. Of course, Donna had been the first crack in that, but since they’d never let it go farther than work and friendship it hadn’t made a huge crack. And in many ways, working with her had focused him even more.

But now things were different with her...good different...wonderfully different...but different none-the-less. In addition to that, he had two young lives to look out for now. His life had certainly gotten complicated in the last few months and while things did threaten to get overwhelming now and then, all in all he realized it was a feeling he liked. 

The color and layers and new challenges of the changes he’d gone through had spilled all over his focused world and revealed a whole new world of intriguing possibilities. Yes, he was often bumbling around in the dark without knowing which way to go or having so much as a match to light the way, but that was sort of...exhilarating. 

And there was one thing he knew for sure...

Life wasn’t going to be boring and that was a good thing. As Donna could attest, he didn’t handle being bored very well.

With a grin, he carefully slid out from under Hannah, got up and went to dance with his wife.

The End.


End file.
